I was wondering if you could please post anonymously. I’m looking for some advice. My best friend ( since we were infants, we’ve been inseparable) has a nine-month-old son. She’s a single mom who lives with her parents. She is 29, has a decent job, but she went through a breakup and moved in with them when she was pregnant. Anyway, ever since her son was maybe two months old, she’s been acting like a single, childless woman. don’t get me wrong, she loves her son, and you can tell she does, but she spends every weekend out with her friends or " dates." Sometimes some evenings after work too. and she leaves her son with her parents. i have three kids myself, I understand parents need breaks, but it’s to the point where its several times a week, on top of being gone all day at work (mon-Fri). I feel terrible. I feel awful for her son, whose father isn’t involved and who doesn’t get to see his mama as much as he should. And I also feel bad for my friend. i feel like she’s missing so much of her son’s life, and later in life, she will regret it. her parents are enabling her by agreeing to babysit as much as they do. I try to sneak little comments in about how she should stay home more without being blunt as her best friend im torn on what to do. I feel as though it’s not my place to say anything to her, but on the other hand, I feel as though maybe I should. Does anybody have any advice?
It sounds really unfortunate and it could very well be something she regrets, but on the other hand…are her parents good role models, good grandparents, etc for him?
Honestly, as a mom who has been through this, she sounds depressed… have you offered to maybe do things with the child and her? Play dates? Maybe she is having ppd? Ppd can actually show up at any time even when a child is 3! Ppd doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her child, it means she’s depressed and having a hard time coping with motherhood. It’s a tough situation and the best thing you can do is be there for her and offer a shoulder should she need it.
Mind your own business. Or you might lose a friend. A lot of group families function this way And if you bring it up you’ll look like your jealous of her freedom. You also sound bored of your own life. Hugs
My advice is the same as the last time this was posted. MIND YOUR BUSINESS. Who are you to tell this woman what she should be doing with her child? You’re criticizing her parenting and her parents. So they’re enabling her because they watch their grandchild when she goes out? Seriously? Sounds like you could be a little jealous because you can’t get a break from your 3 kids.
Same as this was last posted.
Mind your own business.
Honestly, if I was to hear this from anyone it would be my best friend. I’d tell her, she may dislike you but honesty is always the best policy. If I had a friendship where they don’t call me out on my crap (or vice versa) than it’s not a true friend who is looking out for my best interests… not a "yes ma’am ". But that’s just me
Uummmm, there’s nothing wrong with her living her life differently then yours or parenting differently then you. She’s not putting said child in danger. If the parents have a problem with it ( and by the sounds of it you have the problem not them)they need to saying something to her. Not you. This is in no way affecting you or your home. Shes not asking you to take care of the child. By the sounds of it the parents aren’t inabling her at all. There letting her have a life, and figuring out her life. The biggest mistake your making is in thinking that everyone should go straight home and spend every free moment with there kids. And you sound super jealous. Could it be that she has the saport from her family to help, and you don’t, or something else?
You don’t know what she’s going through or the full story.
Shes irresponsible and her parents need to give her her baby back and tell her to move out. Maybe not cause it could turn into a Casey Anthony case.
Girl tell her she needs to be with her baby more. Break ups suck but she has a child now. Party days are OVER!
As a mother of 8 children (3 step and 5 biological) I see no problem going out and have some you time! My husband and I make it a point to take our kids on adventure every pay week and the next day is for us to have some time alone. Not every parent gets the chance to have “me time” and honestly it’s gets to a person sometimes. So honestly for myself at least having one day is good. But if she is a younger mother she might need more time to grow. But idk so as long as the kid is getting taken care of and all his need are being taken care of let her be!
Anyone else come into the comments just to read the toxic replies people give?
All these people saying mind your business blah blah blah basically making excuses for her
ugh no shut the hell up! It’s not her parents responsibility to raise her child they already did their job! All this psycho is going to do is wind up pregnant again and guess what? Her parents will be raising that one too…and eventually they will get tired of it unless their that stupid lol she sounds irresponsible and dumb as hell…she had the kid she needs to raise it or give her parents custody…can’t believe how many of you are enabling this shit. This is why the world is fucked up!
This has been posted not to long ago… they just changed minor details .
If she’s living her life life this because she wants to there’s no issue and it’s non of your business HOWEVER talk to her as a friend not in a judgemental way and see if she’s ok - maybe she’s not wanting to spend time with him as she has pnd , maybe she’s suffering after the break up - if you are as good and close a friend as you are making out you should have already spoken to her to see how she is
Also not all mums are mumsy mums not all of us want to be with our kids 24/7 and there’s nothing wrong with that either x
Myob. It’s her choice
Ah here we go again, if you’re feeling some type of way spend more time with the kid yourself and just mind your business. I couldn’t care less if my friends wanna
Go out all the time. Drop them babies off at my
House cause I’m not going out haha and y’all have fun. Don’t be so petty about something that doesn’t even effect you really
None of your business.
Stay in your own lane…
If her baby is only 9 months it’s very possible that she suffers from ppd. As you said, she loves her baby, so I’m sure she’s not intentionally neglecting her child. She is also a first time mom. I would let her be. It doesn’t sound like you guys are very… “close”. I went through a depression quite a few times and my best friend was there to support me not judge. You should try to gauge the situation and see if she is okay.
Haven’t any of you heard the saying…You have to be cruel to be kind.
Some nasty comments which are not warrented.
If your her bestie then maybe invite her over for a coffee and gently tell her your concerns.
It doesn’t mean your jealous, it’s called concern.
Sorry your receiving some nasty comments
If she’s your best friend you should be able to speak honestly to her. My best friend and I don’t agree on everything we voice our opinions with each other we argue sometimes. But we are friends and know we don’t have to agree or take the advice of the other.
So she goes out in the evenings when her baby is asleep? Mind your business and quick making comments to your friend.
If it’s an actual issue there are services to contact if it’s not than do you’r best to support her invite her to play dates mom groups etc etc.
MIND YOUR BUSINESS unless u have no problem losing the friendship. Bc saying anything is probably gonna cost u it.
It isnt any of ur business honestly her kid is taken care of and isn’t in any danger. If they are fed clothed and have a roof over their head all you’re going to do is upset her and probably not hear from her again. Let her parent as she chooses.
You’re her bestfriend so it’s definitely your business and I’d say it’s better coming from you than anyone else
I was in a similar situation (as she is) and regardless of dealing with PPD I would’ve wanted someone to tell me
Best of luck to you dear!
Sorry but if she wants to act like she hasn’t a child then she should give custody to the parents. You don’t have a child and palm it off cause you want to go out and party all the time
Umm… hasn’t this already been answered or am I having dejavu?!
It’s her choice on what she chooses to do. Maybe try talking to her, but you can’t tell her what to do.
I feel like of you say something you need to be very kind about it. Personally if my best friend feels the need to comment on my behavior it really makes me reflect on myself.
None of your business.
While I dont agree with pushing her child off on her parents it’s also not our place to judge how other people grieve. Going through a breakup can be really hard on people mentally, not to mention shes had alot of huge life changes (moving back in with her parents, birthing a child alone). Instead of tearing her down try to make sure she is okay. Maybe her taking this time for herself is necessary for right now. Give her time, be supportive and watch out for signs of ppd.
I wouldn’t say anything. I am sure her parents will say something soon. If you say something you may lose her as a friend
Ask her to get checked for post partum depression.
Maybe try talking to her see how she is. I had bad postpartum depression and to what could seem like not wanting to spend time may be her needing a break or someone to talk to…
I don’t agree with the fact she just has baby sitters (her parents) for every weekend so she doesn’t have responsibility of her child. I don’t think you should say anything as it will just be a fight, it should be her parents telling her.
She will regret the time lost when her baby is grown and her child will resent her and that will only be her problem.
If my best friend was doing something like this I would say something to may cause a fight but as a best friend you should be able to voice your opinion without her freaking out. Maybe she needs someone to make her realize what she’s been doing…
If you guys aren’t all that close then it’s not your responsibility to say anything. But if it is your best friend then yeah I would. Sometimes people just need someone who cares about them and loves them to call them out on their shit that’s what best friends are for. I’m not saying you have to be judge mental or anything (I’m not saying you are by any means) but be real. She might go off on you that’s a possibility or she might thank you for being concerned and caring enough not to enable her. Either way I don’t think a new mom should be going out several times a week or every weekend. You need to stay home with your baby. Yes once in a while is fine. No problem with that but if it’s becoming a regular thing or a habit then no. And like many people have said maybe she does have PPD and this is how she’s coping. If you guys are close like that then yeah it’s your responsibility if you love her to say something. If it continues then at least you know you tried. Good luck.
She sounds selfish. What happened to raising a child that YOU make! That child is going to grow up not feeling loved. There’s women out there that can’t have children and give ANYTHING to be sitting at home with one, not out drinking her life away trying to get her big hole filled. Every weekend is extreme! If you want to go out and live your extra life every weekend then don’t bring children into that!
You posted this already…
You guys are no longer best friends. Her life has changed too much for you. You should just let her be because your judgment will only get worst. Her son is 2 months old. He’s being taken care of. She works and is single. Idk but in this matter I feel like the only people that should have a problem with the way she’s living are her parents. If they’re being supportive while she goes through all these changes why can’t you? If the kids in danger report it. If not just let her be. Her parents will let her know when they’ve had enough tbh. But they’re probably fine and love the little Angel.
If you’re an actual friend then you should say something! Find a nice way to say it. Real friends talk to their friends when their are making bad decisions!
Mind you’re own business. Unless you’re with her 24/7 you have no idea what’s going on behind closed doors.
With parents like that they don’t realize they will be taking care of all her kids in the future out there making MORE babies for them to watch while she goes out to get pregnant Ive seen this with my own eyes
This question was already asked like 2 weeks ago. The answer from everyone then was to mind your business, and the answer today is still mind your business.
It’s really none of your business. And really I think you sound more jealous than you do concerned. Just because your life revolves around your child and you don’t go out doesn’t mean she shouldn’t.
Imo it sounds like a deeper issue, possible PPD.
Not your place, No matter how you say it she’s going to take it the wrong way.
The ones that are saying “mind your own business” condone this behavior because they behave the same way as your friend does. If this is your lifetime friend you should be able to talk to her about anything regardless of how hard the conversation is. I agree with others that it could be PPD or that your friend was just not ready to grow up and be a mother yet.
As her bestie and someone who’s known her her whole life, there isnt anyone else that’s ganna say something to her but you. It’s a touchy subject obvi. And it could put strain on your relationship, but what are friends fir if not pointing out when were being iffy.
Maybe she’s got some I securities with parenting or something else and just isnt dealing with it because being busy is easier.
I’d talk to her
Why dont you offer her some help? Maybe she’s fucking struggling.
Mind Your Own Business.
This has already been posted wtf?
I would invite your friend and baby to go with you some where or even come over to hang out that wZu she is spending time with son and you at same time. But I also agree it’s better to stay out of it.
I understand your desire to want to say something. unless she is seriously neglecting her child, the task more falls on her parents to say no and tell her that she needs to be home raising her baby.
Invite her to activities together, u know like play dates kindof… she’s new to this and it’s awesome she has a friend like you that cares… maybe if she sees there are lots of family activities she can do and see u being a good mom and spending time with ur kids maybe she will too…
Real friends don’t bullshit their friends. There are so many fake friends in the world who just wanna kiss your ass and lie straight to your face just to avoid hurting your feelings/keep you as a friend. Those bad feeling you feel when you’re doing wrong are important. Be honest with her. And if she’s a real friend, she may be upset, but she’ll still be your friend at the end of the day.
Not your business. Also, she may need it. I’d rather her spend the time away than become frustrated with parenting or her child have to feel those vibes from her. The child is being taken care of by her parents when she’s away. It’s really not that big of a deal. She’s in his life and he’s safe. She has a support system. Let her parents tell her to stay home if anything.
Some moms have a disconnect with their kids. Sometimes it’s a learned behavior and sometimes not. Postpartum depression or other undiagnosed mental illness are the culprits. Maybe sign up for moms and me type groups with her where the moms and their kids learn together and sometimes separately. Good social activities in a supportive learning environment.
Since you are her best friend invite her over and ask her to bring her son maybe she needs some guidance on how to relate to her child being a new Mom is difficult especially without support of a hubby if you show her by spending time with her baby is important and with guidance she will understand completely how important it is to bond with her child the Grandparents are just loving the baby but there going to get older and tired of raising her child
This question was just posted last week. Why are we seeing it again?
Mind your business. Simple as that. I watch my grandbaby as much as I can and want so my daughter can have time to herself. Obviously they have no problem with it so I dont see why you think you have a right to even say she should stay at home more.
Unfortunately it isn’t your business
You already said its not your place to say anything. You answered your own question. Its not your place to tell her how to be a parent. Thats something her and her parents who babysit the child should talk about if they see it as a problem. So just don’t worry about it.
Tell her how you feel if it bothers you that much just expect to lose a friend. Which would probably be less stressful for you if you cant stop thinking about it. Maybe this is also an internal problem on your end. Work on yourself
I say ask her with love if she is ok. Maybe she doesn’t know how to ask for help. As a lifelong friend I would appreciate being asked . Perhaps talk about your own experiences.
Maybe invite her to do something with all the kids. Beyond that its her business if thats how she wants to raise her kid.
As much as I disagree with her parenting, it is her business. But, if you’re that good of friends, talk to her about it. Though, I’m sure it will offend her. But, again, like I said, I disagree too, but it’s her business.
Plan an activity for her son . . . A craft thing or a playgroup. Invite them to spend time with each other in a big group.
If you’ve know each other all your Iives consider why she might be behaving this way. Is this trying to create a better life for her and her son or avoiding her reality? Either way, approach it from a place of love and see what you can do to help her be more aware. This child deserves a least one parent putting his needs first. Good luck!
I am that real friend that will tell you what I have observed to be a negative. Take it and grow, or leave it and continue on. I would not break friendships because of it. But if you do so be it. Because our friendship isn’t what I thought. I believe as a true friend. I need to play my position. That of a true friend. Don’t see something then leave you hanging. Now if you are immature and can’t accept constructive criticism,that is on you. But if we are besties, it goes both ways. You talk to me if you observe something. And vice versa.
If you say anything she will probably blame you for interfering. Just suggest doing things together that involve the kids. Some people have different parenting styles. But some parents are selfish and put their needs above their child’s. That doesn’t make it right but some people are that way. I would encourage as many things as you could to involve all of you such as cookouts,camping,swimming,going to the park,movie night,ball games,art projects, festivals.
My advice: invite her and her child to do things (kid friendly things) with you and your children. Just be her friend or don’t! Stop judging. Also please keep in mind not all parents are the same and not all parent child relationships are the same. You say you know she loves her child, I am sure if you see it the child feels it too. The child also could be benefiting from the close relationship with with his grandparents. It is normal to want to act young and single when you are young and single. If the kid is in bed or on his way to bed when she goes out he nor she are missing too much. As long as her behaviors do not endanger her child or make him feel unloved (sounds like he is with family who loves him when he isn’t with her) I would say MYOB or cut the relationship off for her sake and yours if you can’t get past her having a different lifestyle than you.
Her parents should stop babysitting. they are extending too much freedom to her.
Maybe say things like I don’t know you can bear being away from your kid so much since I can’t stand to be without mine for very long… or wow Sam (idk your kids names) has grown so much They grow so fast I’m so glad I was around to experience all his first and be a constant in his life… maybe if you just talk about your relationship with your kids she will realize how much she is missing. Other then that I think it’s on her… one day her son is going to realize who really did the raising and she is going to have to deal with the consequences.
Mind your own business. Parents have different ways of parenting. It’s up to her to figure it out.
If you tell her that’s fine. But her parents are there & I am sure they are loving it that their grandbaby is there with them & given him everything he needs…and that includes attention
Perhaps you should find out why she thinks she needs to go out so much? she may be suffering from rejection if the boyfriend walked out on her and is seeking re-assurance she is still attractive. There may also be some post natal depression there,
Invite her on a outing with your kids . show by example, she may be hurt and shut down because of the break up and she may not know she is doing it . Could be a number of things. So just try to get her to go out with the kids.
The best thing you can do is to stay in your lane and mind your own business. You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors and it is quite possible that her son is better off with the Grandparents taking charge. You don’t know and should not interfere. Is she asks, you can tell her.
Honestly it is up to her parents and her to work it out. You can make your opinion known to your friend to help her. But then let it go.
She will eventually have to come to terms with her choices.
As a mental health counselor, I can say without a doubt if this dynamic continues this child will mostly likely start to exhibit behavioral problems as he grows. I have heard this tale of neglectful parents time and again. Just because you’re providing for their physical needs doesn’t mean you’re attending to the emotional needs. Kids know who they matter to.
Can you think of a way to say it with out judgement children are not to be a practice run. I wish someone could have gotten to my granddaughter a mother of three which she has lost them all
Best advice I can offer is do stuff together with her that involves kids. Otherwise, leave her be. You may be best friends but you dont know everything going on in her life or mind if you have these types of questions about her. Everyone is different and parents differently. Perhaps its her parents offering to watch the kid and saying its OK to go out. Who knows.
If your as close as you say, you should be able to talk to her about it directly, but be ready to accept her response, whatever that is.
She should know you’re coming from a good place if she knows you like that. Just work on your approach. That means everything.
Let her find herself. She is single and strapped to a child who’s dad isn’t involved. My daughter is a single mom, and I babysit whenever needed. If she needs a night alone, she has it. If she needs a night with the girls, she has it. If she needs a date night, she has it. I have a strong bond with my granddaughter, and my daughter has her life outside of work and struggling with being a single mom. Let her have a life…things will even out eventually. It isn’t your place to say.
As her best friend, you have every right to tell her. If she stops speaking to you because of it, then you were never truly best friends.
It has taken me 72 years to perfect this…but it is none of your business. If you see abuse, call social services. If you cannot keep your mouth shut, know you will lose a friend.
I think the real concern is why do you care so much? I say good for her. How dare anyone tell someone else how to raise their child. Its no ones concern. Do she pay for all things needed for her child and the child is taken care of. If so let it be! Not every mother is one that needs to be with a child all the time. Being a single mom is hard and even harder when it wasnt planned. Her whole life got turned upside down. Believe me she will do what is right for her and her child. Be a friend and support her…stop judging her!
If she is good at taking criticism and is usually open to conversations that are blunt and honest, I would tell her. I’m not sure why everyone is saying for you to mind your business. If this was a distant relative or someone you barely knew, it would be different. But you are very close with this person and I think that as long as it’s coming from a place of worry, it’s okay. We should always be encouraging our friends to grow as people. When you become parents, you don’t automatically lose the ability to learn. I would talk to her about it and just express that you are concerned and tell her you won’t bring it up again. If the reacts harshly, there may be other problems in y’alls relationship, not just the one she has with her child. Also, another person in the comments mentioned this and I think it’s a great idea, talk about your kids more. Mention kid friendly activities y’all can do together. If she sees you enjoying time with your kids it might encourage her to do the same. Good luck!
She just went through multiple life changing events. 100 percent leave it alone. In my eyes she is trying to heal and needs that me time.
That part where you said its not your place, just keep thinking that…because it’s not your place to tell her how to parent.
All judging comes out of a pride place. If you are enjoying your family that’s a terrific place to be! Don’t lay anything more on your friend. That’s gonna come in her own time in her own way by her own growth and discovery! And it might look a bit different than everybody else’s journey!
Just Let your bestfriend do, what she want to do,
If you tell something to her, she might get offended and end your friendship,
The most important in there is, she dont abandon her child,
It is a family problem, just let her parents, tell that to her,
I have a friend too, which I consider as my sister already, I taught her lot of things, so that she will not be a disappointment of her parents and so that, she will not take the wrong path, but instead of listening to me, we end up fighting and continue doing the things she Like,
Just let her regret it at the end,
Atleast you already do your part as a friend
I’m a grandmother and I’ve raised two of my grandson sense they where 4 an1 month mom walked away and my son has the kids, there wonderful kids as long as they are being loved and cared for maybe it better, there save while she is out think of it that way
Keep it raw with her
Being a friend you have to call her out
She is taking advantage of her parents
I don’t have my mommy or my aunties I lost last year
She’ll find her way to being a mom to her child, lots of young moms with involved grandparents behave this way,they’ll figure it out together.
Tell her that her son will only be that young once, she is missing out on a lot. Plus he is bonding with her parents not her. Which could mean trouble if they move out
As long as the baby is safe and healthy with her parents, I would just leave it alone. She will regret it or she wont.