I would have this post anonymously, my boyfriend have been together for four years going on five on the 25th we have a two-year-old daughter, and he has another daughter from his previous relationship, but I’ve only met this little girl twice. I’m having a hard time accepting that this is his daughter because she doesn’t have his last name and doesn’t look anything like him. And the mother of his other daughter communicates with his mom and brothers but not him (my boyfriend) only if she wants money she will reach out to him. Would I be wrong to ask him to get a paternity test? She’s 7 going on eight this year. 4 hours ago
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Bad idea Sweetie. She communicates with his family and only talks to him when she “wants” money?
Any responsible man doesn’t need his baby mother to chase him around for child support.
And that’s what her asking him for money is = child support with or without a court order whatever money he gives her will benefit that child’s life.
THAT is none of your business at all specially if his mother and his family accept that child as his and they are openly communicating with her mom without any issues.
I promise you that if you open that can of worms and it only confirms that he is the daddy you will never, ever, live it down.
The child can look like her mom or her mom family. You don’t need a last name to establish the paternity of a child although it’s nice if the father willingly signs the birth certificate but it doesn’t always happen.
I think you are being petty and I suspect your mother in law ain’t having none of that.
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That’s a touchy subject. I guess the question behind all of that is what are the dynamics, like why does she not reach out to him personally and why is he not really involved in her life that you have only met her a few times? All in all this is something I would’ve tried to find out about way before having a child of my own with him. Asking him now about paternity after being with him for so long and putting it out there like that will make you look like the bad person and you may end up shooting yourself in the foot for opening up a can of worms.
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Honestly the child doesn’t have to have his last name to be his but also as his girlfriend unless you are planning on spending the rest of your life with him I think you should let him deal with it because in reality it does not effect you at all
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Not your baby not your business- you just a girlfriend not his wife - you don’t get a vote.
You came along after this child.
A small lesson on genetic
Might do you good because looks has nothing to do with it -
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Seems to me if he had any doubt he would have did this himself already. Ask him why he hasn’t and if he says he don’t feel the need to then you have your answer. If he says idk… you can encourage him to proceed but it’s his decision.
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If she doesn’t have his last name he can get a blood test before giving her money. But if he wants to claim her you got to deal with it
Hell, run it yourself, you can buy it at CVS or Walgreens and mail it off .
Then you will have the facts and not just speculation and can talk to him about it .
Doesn’t have to look like him,if he claims her,she’s his,blood doesn’t matter. You should appreciate he’s a stand up dad and support him or walk away
If hes willing to be the father then let him. Youll be stepping on toes. Last names dont mean much in this world anymorw unfortunately
Not your business
If he considers her his then your opinion is null and void.
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Mind your business I’m quite sure if it felt as though she wasn’t he would have done one himself
If he’s on her birth certificate no changing that.
Not Married leave it Alone!
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You sound very immature … stay out of it, it’s none of your business
Stay in your lane. This relationship is none of your busy-ness.
Doesn’t have to be blood to be his. He is claiming to be the father honor it.
That would be wrong & it is none of your business!!! Quite an accusation to make!!!
If he wants to care for that child, let him!
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I have 2 step kids. No, they’re not mine but I’m still gonna care for them and except them.
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Mind your business! That is all
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None of your business.
Don’t even go there. Bad plan
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None of your business
He is not going to be happy if you ask him to get a paternity test, that would be up to him if he was in doubt, a child doesn’t have to have their dads last name to be their child, and there is most likely a reason that the mother doesn’t reach out to him, but does his family
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I think if you’re strong in your relationship you should be able to speak openly. If he has doubts let there be a test. If he accepts the child regardless then respect his wishes. Children are innocent and should be thought of. How would this effect them. And if she is asking for money he should see her more often.
Too late in the game to be asking that. Biologically or not he been claiming her for almost 8years…she IS his!!!
I would ask him to do a paternity test if he thinks the babys not his or just to establish that the baby is his… or just to be sure u dont want to have to pay child support if the child isnt his…u go girl get a paternity test!Im with ya forget all these other ppl saying its none of your business your planning your life with him its all your business
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If you have been together for almost 5 years and only seen the little girl a couple times sounds like he isn’t doing much fathering anyway so what’s the problem. I’d be more interested why he doesn’t pursue her more:(
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Look the woman has been in a long term relationship with her SO and they have a child together I think that she needs to ask him if he has had one done and if he hasn’t why not she has that right to ask questions that affect their family together if the kid is his than great and if its not but he decided to step up anyway that’s great to either way it would give her piece of mind and settle it instead of just letting it build causing an huge argument. I know bc I have been in her situation but the father did want a paternity test done as soon as the child was born to know for sure bc he did not want to raise someone else’s child. Also if she has been with him for 4 years why has she only seen her twice and is the father seeing the child? Also if you have never been in this situation you can’t speak on it bc you don’t know how you would feel or how you would act. You can sit there and say oh I would do this and that but at the end of the day You haven’t gone through it and I hope you will never have to experience it!
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How do you know that there wasn’t a paternity test prior to your relationship? And just because they don’t share the same last name, doesn’t mean he’s not her father. Unless you have something more solid to cause this suspicion, you need to chill out.
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No! Don’t do that. If he knows her as his daughter and she knows him as her dad, leave it alone. That has nothing to do with you and it isn’t your place. Kids need a dad. In fact, he needs to get legal visitation rights with her and actually BE a dad. If you can’t accept her as his (whether she is biologically his or not), then you need to move on. Don’t let your jealousy ruin someone else’s life.
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Ok first of all it would be extremely wrong for you to say this to him!! And just because she don’t look like him means nothing at all period my daughter looks absolutely nothing like her dad she is a spitting image of me so does that mean she’s not his!! My oldest daughter looks nothing like her dad either or any of his other children she looks like me spitting image!! My son looks just like my husband and my brother nothing like me does that mean I’m not his mom?? No they don’t have to look like him to be his!! That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard!! And the mom may not speak to him because she’s bitter doesn’t mean he’s not the dad!!! I don’t speak to either of my daughters dads but they’re still the dad my oldest I talk to his new wife my middle I speak to his mom we don’t speak but they’re still their dads!!! And I will add that both my girls have my last name not their dads but that doesn’t mean anything we weren’t together or married in either case so they took my last name not their dads
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Holy shit. The only reason I ever told my husband to get a test done when we were dating is because he was having doubts and didn’t believe her. Any other time I keep my mouth shut unless he asks me. Because I don’t want to cross my boundaries. He knows I love his daughter like my own but theres lines that I don’t cross out of respect for him and her mother. My husband doesn’t see his daughter like he would like but that’s on him for his choices when he was younger and he’s now paying the price.
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So, how often does he see the child if y’all have been together for 5 years and you’ve only seen the child twice? You really can’t accept a child you’ve never had the chance to know, but not wanting to because she doesn’t look like him is selfish.
Unpopular opinion coming up…I think most men should have a dna test done unless they are 100%. Know of several children who were raised to believe someone was their dad and they weren’t when a DNA was wanted by the child. They hurt real bad then!! Wipes a foundation out from under them.
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I would most definitely recommend getting a paternity test. That little girl and all of the family deserve to know for sure. The mother may be taking advantage of him and that is not right.
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You need not wake that up that little girl was in the picture way before you came into his life. Another thing if you asked him it would cause havoc in your relationship dont do it, this little girl is probably having a hard time take in consideration how she must feel. Let that be his desicion, and remember no matter what supoort what he does.
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Leave it alone. If it’s not bothering him it should not you. If you force the issue it may be cause grief in your relationship especially if his family accepts her… Let his family accept the little girl if they want to.
Definitely just leave it be there’s more to being a dad than blood. He should however seek joint custody because if you have only met her twice then I’m assuming he doesn’t see her much or as much as he should.
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I have a step daughter now 24. The mom was pregnant after sleeping with my ex 1 time but cheated on him. We have always accepted her as his and I wouldn’t dare do them at to baby girl. She looks nothing like him or her siblings . As a matter of fact she looks like the other mans children. It would devastate her. Don’t do it
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Just bc the mom is immature and being this way doesn’t mean the little girl isn’t his, BUT I would not suggest a paternity test bc whatever the outcome he has been her dad for 8 years! I honestly think the would hurt him and possibly the relationship if you told him to get one.
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First of all, it’s ABSOLUTELY your business! You and your daughter have a right to know if she is a biological sister or not. For more reasons than just paternity! For medical reasons it can be life altering to know! For both girls! Along with other reasons. Secondly, I don’t feel like you need to ask him to have the test just yet. Have a conversation and see if he has already and if he’s ever thought about having one. Kindly let him know how you feel and let him come to the decision on his own. Thirdly, if he believes she is his daughter, and even gives her mother money, why isn’t he getting visitation? How does a father NOT see his child regularly? THAT seems like a much more pressing question in my opinion! You should encourage him to have a relationship with his daughter and because that is what would be best for your whole family!
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So my first son looked like a smaller spitting image of my ex, and so when my second son was born and he didn’t because he looked like me he accused me of cheating on him. I didn’t, but he still treats my youngest differently and behaves as if he isn’t really his son. As a result of that behavior my youngest wouldn’t have a dad if it weren’t for my now husband who loves him and looks at him as his own. You really want to tell a child that they’re not going to have a dad anymore just because that kid doesn’t look like him? That’s not how genetics work and it’s not fair of you to do that when he rarely sees the kid as is
Boyfriend? So, he has a child with an old girlfriend. Now he has a child with the new girlfriend. Interesting. I think that the operative word here is boyfriend. Before you get into his business. He needs to be more than your boyfriend.
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If he has claimed that child as his own then that’s all you need to know. It was his choice and business before you came along so you need to support his choice now. Not trying to sound harsh or anything.
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Ok I’m going to give an unpopular opinion amongst the lynch mob here. If you have a good relationship I’d sit down an talk to him about it. Ask why cant you see the kid more often if it’s his? If it’s his, go to court an set up child support an visitation. Mabye he dont think it’s his an that’s why he dont see the kid often. Never know until you ask.
Mind your OWN business. Even if she’s not his, HE is choosing to be her dad. You’re way OUT OF line. This is coming from a mom of 3 Son’s from the same father. This BS needs to stop.
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Until he decides to make that choice to have the paternity test, it’s not your right to be involved or push the issue. He’s your boyfriend not your husband.
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None of your business, let him make that choice to have the paternity test. Not having his last name does not mean she is not his daughter. If she were my daughter, I wouldn’t let her be near a woman who thinks like you.
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Not your business. Your wrong. Shouldn’t have got with someone who had a kid period if you gonna think that way.
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Point blank~ Only ask if you are willing to hurt the 2 most innocent involved. Him and this little girl😕
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Yes it’s would definitely be wrong for you to address this issue 1st it’s not your place( not being rude) ! If he feels like this let him address it not you!
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A paternity test? Really? Either you believe and trust him or you don’t and even thinking about the test only proves you don’t believe or trust him at all. As for the ‘last name’ thing…remember, he was in a RELATIONSHIP not a marriage. She doesn’t look like him because she looks like her mother.
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The bottom line is you knew there was this situation when you began dating him, so why now does it bother you? Sounds like you need to re-evaluate why you are in this relationship in the first place. It’s a little late in the game to just decide it bothers you now… 
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Well our one daughter looks like her dad and our other daughter looks like me. Sometimes kids don’t even look like mom or dad but a grandparent or an aunt or uncle. Genetics are weird that way.
FYI…some kids look like their parents and some look nothing like their parents. Looks has zero baring on paternity.
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Would your name be Dawna Stafford since you are the only one angry reacting to certain comments!!!.. not very incognito there chick!
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Same thing happend to my son he paid 3 yrs then found out its not his
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Its. None. Of. YOUR. Business. He’s not your husband. And if anyone has the right to question paternity, its HIM. Stay in your lane. Either accept the child or move on. No self respecting man and father would allow a woman to interfere with his relationship between him and HIS kids.
These women are being way to nice. You’re overstepping your place. You’re a future maybe but that child is his (if he claims her) ALWAYS.
How would YOU feel if some woman that your ex was dating challenged the paternety of YOUR child?
Alienating the father from the child should be criminal.
I hope he gets the test, it’s his, and then he pays child support through the state. Lol Get over it.
It doesn’t hurt to ask but he’s peobably not gonna do it . I asked my husband to do it on his daughter he never would . As she had gotten older she looks a lot like him and our daughter together looks alot like herso he has to be .
Why are you worried about if it’s really his??
Just go buy a test from your local Walmart or drug store and do it yourself the next time you see her. 
I’m sorry but I would feel like I’m short on money he needs no if it’s his child or not…its expensive raseing kids…
Definitely ask about paternity with him. There’s millions of reasons not to. Especially medical. Been there done this. When the little girl is ill n u dont know shit about medical in the family. And if it isn’t his don’t treat her any different
Sorry but it’s really none of your concern at all.
First off I can see both sides of this story but secondly did he already sign her birth certificate? Does he know who is in her birth certificate?? Do you know?? If hes already signed it regardless of a paternity test. He is her father. Is there any paperwork involved at all??
Why is it any of your business stay in your lane!!!
None of your business.
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When I started dating my husband I found out that we had a daughter I knew nothing about. We had dated previously 30 years before and he broke up with me and married a women that he had two daughters with. This other daughter was actually conceived when we were dating the first time. A paternity test was never done and she never used his name. She was legally adopted by the man who mom married and he had no contact with her. When his daughters were older and found out about her they wanted a relationship and sought her out. Now her adopted dad is deceased and she has a very good relationship with my husband. She looks nothing like him but she looks like his mother and his youngest daughter so there is no denying she is his daughter. Maybe this little girl looks like the mom’s side of the family. My husband never did a DNA test and he told me she grew up believing he was her father so that was what mattered. Now like I said as an adult the family resemblance is obvious.
And here is ANOTHER classic case of 2 ppl peacefully co-parenting and the GIRLFRIEND dosen’t like it, and is willing to DESTROY a child for self validation. Who’s to say paternity hasn’t been established? Maybe DAD dosen’t feel YOUR OPINIONS on HIS child are needed? As you stated, you’ve have only met the child TWICE, But MOMand Dad OBVIOUSLY have a decent relationship that she stays in contact with his Family. The only problem here MA’AM is YOU! You’re only concern is YOUR CHILD! There ARE Parental boundaries, My Advice to you is RESPECT THEM!
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It’s 100% NOT your business.
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The best advice I would recommend to you is to MIND YOUR BUSINESS!!! As long as he’s taking care of you and your child I suggest you leave it alone!!!
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Shame on all of you being so judgemental! This should be a safe space, and you can disagree without being rude and condescending!
As a stepmother, I agree that paternity should absolutely be established beyond a doubt!
I just can’t believe how y’all got so rude over a situation that you have limited details on!!! Grow up, people! The world needs more kindness!
And for those of you saying it’s not her business, she is planning a life with this man, and they have a daughter together, so it certainly IS her business!!!
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The “blessing” page is nothing but a bunch of high school drama
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Move along. Not your battle to be involved in…
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You’re his girlfriend. It’s none of your business. Don’t say anything.
Communication is key here!!! Especially if you see a future with this guy!!!
It’s really not your business. If he says it’s his, it’s his.
I would get a dna test
You sound jealous of his other kid.
Ask what you want… he cares… does that not matter??
So this is my situation and from what I’ve read I’ll be the closest to your situation. My fiance has custody of his son. And yes. I do suspect he isnt his just because of the situation he and his ex was in when she got pregnant and him looking nothing like his dad. And some other factors. But the thing is he has been then childs dad since the day he was born. So weather he is biologically his or not he is still my fiance’s. My fiance stepped up and became the father to my daughter. And hes the father to his son biological or not. Blood dosnt make you a daddy anymore. Being their does.
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All I got to say is wow
get payernity test done ASAP
Dawna Stafford since you are the only one salty here lest yiu forget she asked our opinion regardless if its what she or you want to hear we are giving it to you. Dont ask if you arent ready to hear. You are right she is trying to make a life with this man however his “daughter “ came before her and that’s the reality of the situation. She must way her options once she opens that can of worms. Not only will she hurt this innocent child but what about all other family members involved. Again this is up to the father not her!
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One of my children looks nothing like me! But, I gave birth to him! Roles reversed. Obviously she doesn’t have your boyfriends last name. I think you are being very selfish and only thinking of yourself. My husband has a 27 yo daughter whom we both highly doubt is his. But, he raised her so a test would do nothing. In his eyes, he’s still her dad. You need to back your smothering, jealous behind back from the situation. It’s not your business.
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I hope he leaves you for even thinking something so stupid
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I feel like he accepts her as his and probably knows she’s his. Just because she communicates with his family instead of him doesn’t mean he’s not the father. Could just mean they ended on very bad terms and the mother is still trying to keep her daughter connected to his family.
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Y’all been together for almost 5 years, and you have only seen his daughter twice? Maybe that’s the whole problem…
Maybe that’s why the Mother communicates with the family instead of him? I mean… is he even “trying” to be a Father?
I personally gave my child my last name because his father was not there the whole pregnancy… I would have changed it if he had stepped up… my son also looks nothing like him either lol.
You should probably ask him why he isn’t more involved before getting into the whole DNA situation 
maybe if he’s willing to step up and be a Father, get on child support and get some type of custody then they will also do a DNA test.
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My daughter has my last name and is literally my clone. Looks absolutely nothing liked her father.
As someone who kids father remarried. You should stay out of it. You may be with him now, but before you he had a life too. If HE is that worried about it, get a paternity test. Otherwise. Mind your own.
You don’t know how his life was with her before you. Only what he tells you.
You want to be a good parent. Love and support both kids.
Just think about how you would feel if y’all split, and his new chick question your child’s paternity… Ain’t a good feeling.
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Honestly stay out of it just because she doesn’t look like him doesn’t mean anything my son looks just like me but Ik who his father is suggesting a paternity test could cause more issues than necessary my bfs brother told him to get a paternity test after seeing my daughter but my daughter is my bfs and I didn’t like that at all when I found out just leave it alone
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The only reasons you have are that she doesn’t have his last name and looks nothing like him? That’s ridiculous. My youngest son doesn’t look a thing like me and he doesn’t have my last name… your assumptions are flawed and I’d say mind ya damn business. If the dad wants a paternity test, you can support him, but otherwise cut the shit.
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My middle child doesn’t have his sperm donors last name. And he doesn’t look a thing like him. And we’ve had a paternity test done for FOC and he’s definitely the father. In all honesty, I have a shit relationship with my youngest child’s dad. And I prefer to talk to his parents over talking to him cause it’s less drama. That could be her reasoning. Idk.
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Maybe he wasn’t around when they did the birth certificate which would explain why they don’t have the same last name? Or maybe since they weren’t married, she said the child would take her last name? Can’t really go by looks cause my daughter looks IDENTICAL to me but her 2 brothers look nothing like me. We both had dark hair and my boys are bleach blonde with blue eyes
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I absolutely think a paternity test should be done. My husband had someone running around telling everyone her child was his. Now after 13 years the DNA tests came back that he is not the father. I think the sooner these tests are done in the child’s life the better.
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I mean if she’s asking for money that’s taking away from your kid if the girls not his. If he’s giving her money and rarely has contact I would def get a paternity test or talk him into having one
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Dont bite off more than you can chew. That little girl can be his 100% and then BOOM you stepped on the mothers toes now your going to be seeing this child more then twice and probably paying more then what you are now…
Either way if he recognized her as his you have no buisness putting in bad seeds…
We reap what we sow in life…
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So many judgements on this post. Dont take them to heart. Nobody but you knows all the facts and details. We dont know the whole story.
Their relationship might have been bad and thats why she deals with grandma.
I feel you have a right to know if its his for real if you plan on having a life w. This man. Women can be controlling and she has 18 yrs to ask for nack child support depending on your state.
Approach it from a protective angle. And then when shes his go into the supportive, and push for a better relationship w her.
Goodluck
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My kids don’t have their dad’s last name. I think if that’s one of your reasons, you should reconsider. Especially if you can count the times you’ve met child on one hand
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