I’m about to have my second girl in a week. While I’m in the hospital, my in-laws will be watching my oldest. Due to covid the first introduction between my eldest and baby will be at home. My husband and I disagree on whether his parents should be there for the first introduction. I feel that my eldest should get one on one time with the baby and us with no distractions, but he thinks because his parents watched her they should be there for it. Thoughts and opinions? Please be kind.
I think it should be just you, your husband and your kids for the first couple of days. Have time for them to meet, get settled at home, etc.
That is a call you and your husband have to make. Maybe you can compromise and allow your in-laws to be there but from a distance and for a short bit of time. Just remember, the way you are feeling right now about your opinion is the same way your husband feels about his.
Eh. I had a similar situation due to covid. My mom watched our oldest and brought him to our house after we got settled in with the baby. She stayed and let my son meet his sister and watched them interact before she held the baby. She was never a distraction to him and she’s his favorite person in the whole world. At that time it was just him and his sister. Nobody else in the room mattered to him.
We’ve unintentionally done it both ways. Honestly my husband and I were both tired from getting no sleep at the hospital so it was nice when they were there to help occupy our toddler and hold the newborn while we took a nap as soon as we got home with our 2nd. We had our 3rd 11 months ago and due to covid in our area and because our baby had to be in the NICU for several days it was just us and it sucked because again we were both tired but this time had 3 kids (and our dogs) to deal with right away with no chance to catch up on sleep first.
I agree with your husband
Having a baby is so special to everyone, especially our own parents seeing us parent. It wont hurt for them to be there, and it will give u time to rest.
The siblings should meet first. And after y’all are settled then friends and family.
I agree with your husband. Read your question…everywhere it’s “my” “my” “my”…are they your husband’s children too?
Please don’t leave parents out!
Not sure it’s big deal. Pick your fights
Why is this even a question your all family !! What could it possibly hurt for everyone to be together!! Its not like they will be there all day every day !! Pettiness will not grow a happy healthy family!!
I think you are being selfish
This has to be a personal choice an compromise between you and your husband. Talk about the WHY you feel the way you feel and listen to the true whys he feels the way he does. Also think about if you’d feel differently if it were your parents instead of his.
My first, my whole family (including in laws) were there.
The second, I was alone except a friend, who brought my daughter to the hospital.
The third, our pastor watched them and my husband grabbed them for the hospital. We had other friends in and out of the room all day as well. It was wonderful.
With Covid, I’m not sure how I’d feel with anyone but my own mom or best friend. We aren’t close enough to his family for me to be like “yeah! Let’s do it!”
Take it from someone that does not have active grandparents in my kids lives…grandparents matter too.
I think you should take a look at all the MY oldest, MY new baby, MY second girl, MY eldest. I’m not trying to be mean. As moms, we tend to think that way. Compromise.
I would let them plus that means more people to capture that special moment they meet
This is your decision. I let my cousins daughter hold my newborn first because I was bringing baby home, her siblings were going to have all kinds of time with new baby and my cousin was awesome enough to watch my older children. My “covid” baby is 9.5 months and knows her siblings super well. I haven’t seen my cousin in a few months and baby is not at all used to her or her daughter but I gave her daughter quite a memory bc I guess I’m the only one that has let her daughter hold a newborn lol. Her daughter is 7.
As the grandmother who was once just a mother, this is very petty and immature. Don’t you want the grandparents to develop a natural bond with your kids? Regardless of your feelings, kids can’t have to many people who love and support them. If you were an adult you would nurture those grandparents/ grandchildren relationship.
When we had our girl in October, my parents watched the boys. They brought them home after we had a few hours to get situated and met the baby. If part of you is worried about exposure to anything, they have already been around your other child, and it would be more likely if they come around at another time. At least that was our thoughts on it.
But this is a decision you guys need to agree on. Good luck!
I don’t see the big deal. The sibling will think it’s special regardless. Probably won’t even remember it if she’s very young in the future. And I’m sure you will take pictures of just her & the baby even if the grandparents are there. Idk maybe it’s because I’m a laid back person. But that’s my thoughts on it.
I think you should let the grands meet the baby too. Due to covid we had one set of grands looking after our 3 ye old while in hospital. When we got home the other set surprised us with a visit and flowers to meet us. It was a special day. Yes we were tired, but there were plenty of days with just our small family of 4 after they all left.
Can they step back for a few moments? Let the new family meet and then they can step in as a group? Compromise.
It’s not that big of a deal. Don’t strain the relationship with them, you’ll probably need them as a sitter sometime.
I could understand why you feel that way but I would safe face and let them be there. If they’re watching your older child than if one has Covid, they all do. Just insist everyone wears masks, even the oldest.
It’s nice to have someone there incase the oldest doesn’t really like the baby at first!
Why is it such a big deal…LMAO.
Don’t let the mean comments get to you… I totally understand where you are coming from. You want that special moment with just your family that you created… I would too. Maybe you could compromise since your husband doesn’t feel the same way. They can wait upstairs while you do your thing or go run an errand or something. I’m sure if you talked to them about how you feel they will help compromise too. Bc they will want to meet that precious little baby too… hang in there! It will all work out momma. Best of luck
I’m sure them being there wouldn’t be a distractions for her. I can understand you wanting them to have their time but having other family there too should make it just as special if not more. My daughter met her baby brother in the hospital for the first time along with her aunt uncle and two cousins. She couldn’t be more happier to have everyone there. It’ll be ok. If you’re that worried about it just make it so she has her turn first. Explain to them how you feel about it.
I understand…I was the sameway but remember they are ready and excited to meet their new member of the family as well…be up front with them and tell/ask for 10 mins or so as soon yall are all together for time with just you, dad and your babies… tell them it has nothing to do with them you just need a few mins with your immediate family…just you, hubs and your babies… that you are excited for them all to meet and share in the love but just give you a few mins of mom, dad and kid with new baby.
Ummm read what you wrote twice. I hope you get past your difficulties
Would you feel the same if it was your parents and not your in-laws? Thats how I thought about it. My mom and his mom actually tag teamed watching my youngest so I could get caught up on sleep and not have to run after the other two. I always appreciated it. The choice is yours though and I am sure a compromise can be made.
I see both sides. I’m no help.
Everyone is different but I love having family members around at times like this. It makes it more special and more of a celebration. Make sure you record it and enjoy.
If that’s what you want compromise, have you’re husband take you and new baby home get you settled then have you’re husband go pick up you’re oldest from you’re in laws introduce them at home with just you’re little family but in 2~3 days have you’re in-laws over for a little while provided everyone is covid free and sick free so that they can bond with the grandbabies and you can thank them for it babysitting. Everyone is happy.
I felt the same exact way!! I wanted me oldest to be the first to meet her new sister. It’s a special encounter. But I understand that you can’t kick the in laws out right away upon you arriving home. Maybe just ask for a moment, them to give much space for the meet to happen.
I think some of it, is because it’s not YOUR family! It’s rather selfish, you having his parents watch your oldest for you guys and then sending them on their way without seeing the initial moment that their grandchildren meet. But, when you want/need help, they’ll be one of the first people you call. It’s a little selfish!
When we had our 2nd pre-covid, half my family was at the hospital! LoL If my husband’s family cared to be there, they would have been welcome too. To me it was a very special moment, to have my mom, my grandmother, my aunt’s, my daughter and my best friend all there to meet our baby together. We made it special by having my daughter sit with me and her dad and open a gift from us. I had a shirt made for her that said #1 Big Sister, and a few things just for her. And with everyone there we were able to get family pictures of all of us together, she sat with me and held her new baby brother. It was a great moment in time. Especially with the separation that we’ve experienced this last year.
They should be included.
Definitely needs 1 on 1 with baby 1st.
I felt the same way and it was before Covid. They had shut down the hospital to visitors due to an outbreak of the regular flu. As much as I hinged upon it, they were there, as were my parents, and frankly the special moment of my two children meeting, I blocked out everyone but my two children. I only remember those two. And to be honest, yes it was an emotional moment, but my oldest was only 4 and the moment was short lived anyway.
I honestly don’t get it. Why does it matter if his parents are there? I mean they are watching your child while you’re in the hospital. This is not a battle I would pick. Your child will probably look at the baby for 2 seconds and be over it. Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it.
Maybe ask the manager…
Your oldest child will spend more than enough one on one time with the baby. Never heard of Grandparents being a “distraction”. Especially Grandparents that are there for you when you need them. Enjoy and cherish the blessings.
If you want just the family yall created together to meet first that’s how it should be and the in-laws should understand.
Everyone saying they don’t get it doesn’t have to as it’s not their family/choice/kids. You do what YOU want. You want to be selfish DO IT you have beyond earned the right to have what you want and I honestly don’t think it’s asking to much to want to have that first meeting be a personal, private affair.
I think it would be nice for them to be there. Maybe give them a heads up and say can you not all coo over the baby for the first10 minutes, just so that child 1 can meet them and doesn’t feel pushed out immediately.
But I think it’s awesome that they will be there, 2 people that can take photos of your whole little family coming together for the first time sounds good to me.
much to the upset of my own mum and inlaws I refused anyone access to my baby until my older children had met and spent time with their baby sister. By all means let the family come round but maybe stay in your room and let your older child have that time to meet the baby first. Then the older child can be the one to introduce the baby to the family. While your inlaws are with the baby it would be a good time for you to catch up with your older child xx
Ur daughter is gonna have plenty of time with her little sister I dont see a issue
Such a treasured and beautiful family moment . They are family and this will mean the world to them let them be there and share please
And who cares if the grandparents were at home when your eldest meets her baby sister? she can still have one on one time its not the end of the world. How is this even an issue to argue over? and him turning against his parents? what a weirdo
Since I don’t have any family I honestly wish my kids dads family wanted to be there when both of them were born or when we got home…If I was you I would be grateful they want to be involved not everyone is that fortunate!
If you ask me get it out the way one less thing on your check list✅
Honestly I really wished my in-laws was there. They always take pictures while I’m living in the moment. I wish I had a picture or a video when they first met. Tbh I think your being a lil selfish. It’s not going to change the interaction. Just say let him/her see baby first please.
I’d personally let them if lockdown has thought us anything its sometimes we just need to be more kind, they are minding your older child and once they have gone home she can have alone time with baby
As the grandma on dads side 5 times over, he should respect your feelings on this. I know they are super excited to meet their new grandbaby and emotions run high. But I also understand what you are saying and would hope they would too. You just want a little time for your family unit to bond before including others. Yes they will be there when you pick the older one up, but he can run in and get them while you wait with new baby in car. Just talk to them ahead of time. Promise that they can come meet baby at same time as your parents for first time. You just want that first day to be just your husband, you and the kids. It’s probably not going to go like you picture it in your head, but you can at least try. One thing to think on though. If they are there for first meet of siblings, they can be the ones filming while you and your husband focus on the kids. Just a side note. But if it means that much to you, your husband and inlaws should recognize this and put themselves aside and support you. I can tell you as grandma my main focus at that time was the older child and making sure while everyone else was oohing over new baby they felt like I had them 100% bc it’s a big change going from the center of the world to sharing!
Maybe you guys can do a quiet meeting with kids and have yalls parents bring dinner later and watch kids while you sleep! That way they only have to wait a few hours and by the time all that excitement is done you will be wiped out! Warm and happy wishes for you during this time
My family were watching my eldest and we asked that he comes and meets her by himself so.we got to share thag special moment as just our little family and it was perfect they were more then happy to wait at the hospital Cafe until we were ready for them to come in and meet her!
Ummm yea they should
I dont really think it matters much if the in laws are there or not when the baby comes home. Not sure how old your eldest is but I can tell you from experience they hold the baby for a few minutes and then they’re ready to run amok again. .
Personally I would have just my oldest and my spouse for the first couple of days, then I’d start having people over to see the baby.
I agree with you. It’s going to be overwhelming enough for her to become a big sister quickly, having grandparents hanging over her shoulder fawning may give her an aversion to her baby sister… the first few days home from the hospital are in house family only for all four of my babies.
My kids only cared the first 15 mins after that they didn’t care unless the baby made a noise. They might hold the baby for a couple of mins and are off playing with something
My SIL was watching my daughter when I went to have my son and I didn’t come in with him until she had left. Introducing sibling(s) to a new member of the family is very important. Neutral ground(living room) and quiet. You want the older sibling to be accepting and receiving of new baby. I also got my daughter a stuffed animal ( she loves them) and told her it was from her baby brother. My husband didn’t like it before it happened but he gave in because I told him it was very important to me. Now it’s been a month and he said that he was glad we did it like that because she is so protective over him.
I personally think they could come after you introduce one another, they don’t need to be there while it’s happening. You can always take pictures and stuff and send to them, and they can come later in the day and see them together. It’s going to be hard on oldest kid to see you with another baby, so I think he/she will need time with just his/her parents for a bit to adjust.
So I went through the same thing. My inlaws watched my oldest. But when they came to drop her off and see the baby they let her in the bedroom with me and baby. My husband sat out in the livingroom with them for about 10 minutes. Then they came in. At first my daughter didn’t want them near the baby, but after 20 minutes she didn’t care that her baby brother was there.
Can your eldest come in to your room before you come out to introduce the baby to them?
I agree with your husband. They’re probably looking forward to meeting the new baby. This could cause a friction, I’d let them meet & then let them know you need to rest. Would you allow your parents to stay in this same scenario?
Your baby your rules.
Baby’s stress easily. It’s good to make it a slow process. No reason to rush into it and bounce baby from one person to another.
My experience wasn’t good. My son came to meet my daughter at the hospital and the people visiting jumped and were like be careful be careful and my son being who he is than refused to touch her in anyway for 2 weeks. You know everyone involved and need to make your decision based on personality and not “what people deserve” or expect.
Your mom. Your choice. Possibly they can wait in another room, and give about 10-30 minutes? Depending on the age of your oldest, it probably won’t be long. Or they can see her, and quitly leave for a few moments as she said hi.
There is a way to workout this so everyone’s voices get heard. What does your oldest think/feel?
I had my husband bring my daughter to meet us coming out of the hospital, didnt want either grandparents there so didnt want him to bring me home to her. Parents and brothers got to come over the next day, wanted to enjoy being just the 4 of us
I think it should be the kids meet baby first,let mum settle in and then visitors can come ie rest of family
I think given your in-laws stepped up and kept the oldest they should get the chance to also witness the first meeting between their grands!
I’m due any day and My in-laws will be keeping 2 of my older girls at their house so they’ll be there when our kids get to meet their new sibling but they also know that we want our kids to be the first to hold the baby and then they’ll get their turn and they’re perfectly fine with that. We also plan on FaceTiming with them all after I have him so they can all see him together.
I think they should respect your wishes for quality family time.
When my second daughter was born, my in-laws watched my oldest. They came to the hospital together and I made a point to have my oldest meet and hold her sister first. Then the in-laws met him. With my last baby born in February, my MIL watched my girls, I made a point to have my girls meet and hold their brother first, then the in-laws. My in-laws stayed about 15-30 min then left so the rest of the evening was for the family. I didn’t see anything wrong with my in-laws spending a few minutes to meet the little one as they did me a favour in watching my other children.
Can’t there be a compromise to make everyone happy? For example, is it possible you can both agree to let big sister meet her new baby sister with just the three of you and he can still invite his parents over to meet her too within a few hours of this?
Just a suggestion. Congratulations on your new addition to the family!
Have daddy to pick up oldest from his parents and bring her to the hospital with him to pick you and baby up !
You are the mom. Ultimately it is whatever you want and that should be respected😊
I think it is a huge change and it needs to be just baby and big sibling. They need time to bond and adjust just them.
I think cause they watched her it would be a little rude to put them off to long but say hey give us 15/20 mins to ourselves and then come in if you don’t mind This is your choice but idk I think ppl fight with in laws to much and it might offend them if you were like no come back another day
Personally I think the one on one introduction would be better. It’s more intimate and special that way
I think its silly to make them come back another time. Just let the sibling meet and hold the baby first, don’t rush them, let them have their moment, let the in laws watch that moment and then they can have theirs next.
Until medical science advances and the men can carry the baby, I think mom should get her way on all things associated with birth. I would hope the husband would want to cater to his wife.
My mother in law watched my eldest when I had my second recently, they brought my eldest back and then left us have time so she could bond with her sister, my parents and my in laws all came round later after we had abit of family quality time
Can’t they come in and meet the baby too but let your oldest hold the baby first? My brother watched my two when I had my third and him and my kids met her at once. My grandma was also in the room when she was born and my SO’s brother showed up like an hour after she was born. I mean personally, for me, I don’t think it’s a big deal, I think it’s sweet that the family is excited to meet the baby.
I’m going to have my husband go pick up our daughter from my MIL’s house to avoid the situation. We are super grateful she will be watching our eldest, so I don’t want it to seem like I don’t want her there. It’ll be a good bonding time for just you and your newborn while you wait for dad to get home with your eldest, too!
They (your girls) have the rest of their lives together, I don’t think the first twenty minutes is going to drastically change that, and kicking them out is not a very heartfelt thank you to the in laws for watching your oldest
Explain to your in-laws how you feel, they may be on your team. Especially if you come at it from the “this is best for the oldest child” angle.
I didn’t let anyone see my daughter until her big brother had met her… Even though the great grandparents had my son i still said not until he had chance to meet his sister.
This is important family time. In laws shouldn’t be there.
My dad watched my oldest daughter when I had my second. When we came home, we had 24 hours for just us four. We told everyone no visitors until after that. You, your husband, and the oldest child need adjustment time!!
I think your being a bit rude honestly, You used them to watch your child but want them to drop her back and get lost without seeing baby? Why can’t they meet the baby and then oldest spend time with baby after they leave? I’m with your husband,
How about they bring the oldest over after you get home with the new baby, and your husband can come to your bedroom with the oldest for that introduction? After a few minutes when you believe the time is right, you suggest to your oldest that they introduce their new sibling to its grandparents. That way, you both get what you want, and the oldest gets to feel special introducing the new baby to them. Congratulations!!!
agree with you, tell dad your eldest first, the grandparents that evening… kids only interested first few hours, when grandparents come that gives you time for cuddles with the eldest, she’s use to having you to herself, and you been away for few days she’ll want alone time with you…
Don’t be pressured into anything your not happy with
I’m fixing to have my second also and I too feel my son who is 13 and has been an only child wether he cares for the baby or not should get to be alone with just us for a week or so that way we can all have time to adjust and everyone isn’t coddling over the new baby and making him feel some type of way.
If you don’t want them to be there tell them no. Let ur little family have time together first🤷🏻♀️ That’s exactly what I’d do. If it’s important to you DO IT HOW YOU WANT. They can come over the next day.
Seems totally silly. Your oldest will have plenty of one on one time. It’s absolutely rude to rush them out without seeing the baby. Let the kid meet the baby, then the in laws. It’s really not a big deal
Wow. I kept my grandson when his brother was born & then took him to meet his new brother at the hospital. I don’t understand the big deal here, it’s not like your never going to be alone with your kids.
I mean what will you do ? Let them drop her off and kick them out?
How you feel as a new mom all over again is really important. If this matters to you, make that a priority. Don’t let anyone bully you into doing something you don’t want to do.
I would’ve loved to have my oldest meet my youngest one on one first. But I had to leave him back home, 12 hours from the hospital, and my MIL was with me and my fiance when I gave birth. Although, I had no issue with her meeting my youngest first, I can understand those who want the sibling there first.