I agree. The oldest needs time to get used to the baby. With as little distraction as possible.
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I felt the same way, my second son was born 5 months ago. When it came time tho, we just took baby inside and my son was the first we offered the new baby to. He refused and didn’t want anything to do with either of his parents for an hour or 2. He finally warmed up when I was changing baby’s diaper and baby started crying. The crying made him come over and then I just told him “this is YOUR bubba” and he was okay again. I think the fact he didn’t want to be around us was kind of sad, but he had the comfort of other people he loves.
I think y’all should discuss it and you should explain why you want it to be intimate.
What’s the harm in the grandparents been there too am sure ure little girl will want them there too if anything life has taught us this past year is life is too short don’t tk tomorrow for granted xx
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Your oldest isn’t going to care or remember who was there when he met his sibling give the grand parents a break!!!
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I think it depends how old your oldest is. My oldest is 2.5 and when we introduced his new baby brother he was semi curious but mostly wanted my attention since he hadn’t seen me in person for a day or 2. It was nice to have someone else there to cuddle the baby and make sure he was happy while I spent some time making my oldest feel loved.
I just had my second baby a week ago and my in laws watched our oldest and I personally think it was really nice to have them bring my oldest and stay for a while because it gave us extra hands to keep new baby safe if our oldest got rough, and also they got a lot of pictures of us as a family high was really nice. So I’m all for having them there however everyone is different
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I did all family , my brother and sister in law and my mom were at my home with my daughters waiting for us to get back from the hospital. It was a lovely reunion. Woudnt have it any other way
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I think it should just be immediate family. I’m due in a few weeks and my husband agrees with me. Once we come home noone is allowed at our house for atleast a month. Our child is not some new puppy everyone gets to play with. Those first few weeks are crucial for bonding for mom, dad and siblings.
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My in laws brought my daughter to hospital to meet her baby sister (in 2019) so they were there, they didn’t get involved they just stood by door and let my eldest lay on the bed and cuddle her new baby sister and when she got bored it was their turn for a hold and one of the kept my eldest occupied so was pretty helpful so I didn’t have to move much. And for our third my mum brough my other 2 home as this was in November lockdown and the same thing happened, she let the girls go over and see, cuddle ect the baby first and when they got bored it was her turn for a look x
Since the question is regarding your daughter then do what’s right for her. Respect HER feelings that is what matters. Have the discussion with her and let her decide. Personally im on your side.
Being a GM and a great GM, I can feel for the grandparents. They should at least get a peek—there are a lot of hours in a day. When Allie and Emma were born we all got just a few minutes to see them. A long day and quiet time is best…my thoughts. Adalyn will just want to sleep…she just had quite a trip! Good luck my dear!
My daughter had her baby last week. I have her other 3 children. I took them to meet their new sister,but I sat back and let them hold her and have their time with her before I even held her. I just thought that’s how it should be
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That first interaction between siblings happens only once. I personally would want only the 4 of us ( we are a family of 4 very recently too and due to Covid restrictions we had no one around when it was time for miss toddler to meet mr newborn but even without restrictions we wouldn’t want anyone else to be there) It is now all about the kids taking as much time getting used to each other. We took so many photos and it was so beautiful watching them together without the distraction of other family members
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To me the family you make is more important than the family you come from. So it should be a your family’s special moment
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They have no rights to. The immediate time following birth is about bonding with that immediate family. They have time later on to meet but sibling bonding will last long after.
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I agree with you. Parents can wait. This will be a special moment in her life and it should be shared between the 4 of you. I am due in May and we decided no one will see our newest until her and her sister meet first.
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I just don’t understand why people feel the need to be part of every moment. I agree that this should be a one on one meeting. The grandparents can join in later. When my sister was born(she’s 11 yrs younger than me), I was so irritated that I wasn’t able to see her by myself. Everyone was in there and all in my space, I couldn’t be w her the way I wanted for that first time
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Record it. That way they can see it but without being a distraction
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Sooo ur in laws are watching ur other child while u have another …if u dont want them there are they just supposed 2 leave ur other child home alone b4 u get there?
I personally wouldn’t mind but to each their own
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I dont see why it should be an issue. COMMUNICATION is the key. If that’s what you want, ask them if they would be offended if you did what you wanted to do and it’s better to be upfront than stress about what they might think. They are probably thinking when can I get to see baby too. Until you approach it, you will never know. The hormones are probably working 60 to the dozen so dont make that time any more stressful than what needs to be.
If you don’t want them there I don’t see the problem. Do what you are comfortable with there will be plenty time for extended family.
Uh selfish. Dey deserve to meet the baby also… Ur kids are g going to be living in the same house.
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Just be your child and you two
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I’m sure if it was your parents that could be there you wouldn’t have a problem 
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Keep the peace. It really won’t matter.
Remember you eldest may not want to be around you and the new baby. Either jealously or they just aren’t interested. Having grandparents in standby may be a good idea in case of a break down.
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Please stop being a snowflake. Your kids will be better off if you don’t raise them yo be one, either.
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When we had our second, my father in law and his wife kept our first. They brought her home to us so we wouldn’t have to stop. She came upstairs to meet her brother first and they waited downstairs. They didn’t come up until she started yelling for them to come see her baby. They stayed for half an hour max but still got to see the new baby. It was a win all around in our house.
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I don’t understand the big deal. Your oldest will be the first to love and adore the baby & get that one on one time. Personally, I think it’s extremely special to watch & would be happy my in-laws would want to witness it and be there as well. And it’s not a huge party; it’s just grandparents. I do think you might be slightly overthinking it.
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I understand your concerns. I would be more worried about the virus getting in with visits from anyone. Bring big sister home and let them see baby through door until it is safe. They would be missing a lot more should the worse happens. Consult your doctor about this. You don’t need the added stress. God Bless you all. Congratulations.
Thanks for watching our kid for days, sorry no, you can’t meet your new grandchild now…maybe later…
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I agree with your husband! They’ve watched the oldest so why can’t they meet the youngest too? They won’t be in your hair for that long and then you can say you want a few days so the oldest can bond! But I shall say you might need them, don’t forget how tiring a new born is, especially with a sibling it’s harder 
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Wow. I know how emotional and hard pregnancy can be but… This is petty beyond belief. If it was YOUR parents would you change your mind?
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It’s definitely conflicting however, you are mom, you just delivered a tiny human. Your body is tired. If you don’t feel like having visitors first thing then that is your choice. If you want them there, again your choice. If you are unsure tell your husband you aren’t sure if you want anyone else there yet and you may not know until you get home. When you get home if you know what you want or need let him know and he will need to just respect that. My husband never argued with me about wanting his parents there bc he said it was up to me and grandparents will get their fair share of time too. It is your family, your choice. These are YOUR kids, so your choice. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for doing what is best for you too bc often people forget mom needs time, space, love, understanding and just plain old respect after having a baby. So to the ones trying to shame you, ignore it. They have no clue what your life is like or what the circumstances are so they don’t get to make that choice for you. And ultimately I think it’s poor support from them as well. You do what you need to do mama and congrats on the new baby.
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I think having a new baby is a very important but stressful time. Especially for a new mom, during COVID. I don’t blame you one bit momma. Whatever makes you feel most comfortable bringing a new baby in the world during such a crazy time. I had my son last April and was allowed no visitors except my husband. Things are different right now, but there’s ways to include everyone. Having everyone meet our boy at home worked just fine.
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Just remember you can’t blame COVID for this, you have already exposed the oldest kid the minute you left him with the grandparents. Find another excuse or simply just say you don’t like them
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Your husband is every bit as much of your baby’s parent as you are. His family is every bit as much of this baby’s family as your family is.
As moms we tend to see ourselves as the bottom line when it comes to kids and the rules surrounding them and that’s not ok.
They’re watching your elsest. Eldest is exposed to them and going to meet and get “alone time” with baby so covid isnt really a factor here (sorry it’s an excuse for you but not a legit factor).
But they’re watching her. At some point you’re going to want/need them to watch the oldest and/or baby. Believe it or not them having a decent bond with BOTH children will be hugely important. Don’t try to shut them out of being present and getting to know a baby that eventually they’ll be babysitting at least here or there. Trust me. My boys never had any major seperation anxiety or “stranger anxiety” because I made sure they were allowed to bond with any family memeber who may end up watching them.
Second. You do not actually know how your eldest is going to react to the baby. If eldest reacts badly in some way then they will be there to HELP.
I know she may be excited about the idea but the reality can always be a bit different. My eldest was 4 when I had the youngest. When the youngest started crying he ran away and hid. Now I’d just had a csection was no way up for going and getting him, crouching down, getting him out, and calming him. Thankfully between my husband, mom, aunt, and grandma they calmed him and thier meeting got to continue without any other issues.
It was really really helpful to have them present with the first meeting. It made my eldest feel more secure as well.
My advice is to not think about you and what you want. Think about your children and what would be best for them both short and long term.
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After 5 mins of ur eldest meeting the baby … your eldest is over it . Let the in laws stay they are more interested in meeting the baby and would love a baby cry . Your eldest child will just hand it back to u
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Would u tell them no if they brought child to hospital if covid wasn’t an issue? Would u tell them to step out? Let em come n set expectations that they can come for certain amount of time. Sibling will want u more than baby. Might b nice to let in laws coo over baby as u show attention to sibling and know they r loved missed n important too
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I think you are very ungrateful and selfish.
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Tbh I would totally wait and let you eldest experience it on their own first and with u hubby and new bubs.
We did let the grandparents (my own parents not inlaws) see new bubs at the same time as eldest andd I totally regret it. Yeh it was great they were able to get photos etc but it also made it very stressful and overwhelming and we were unable to have that close family bond.
Yes, they have looked after your kid (we had ours during covid to) but at the same time you have to do what is best for you and your little family. Even if it means you eldest comes in first has that initial first “bonding experience” and then the grandparents come in shortly after stay for a hour top’s and then come back another time when everyone is settled etc.
So it’s okay for them to watch your one kid…not meet the other until you say so?
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I’d say pick your Battles but it ultimately up to you of you say no then it should be no
We had a baby 9mos ago. I wanted my 3 other children to meet their sibling first, regardless if it was during covid or under normal circumstances. We video chatted with the kids and I stated that the kids got 5-10 mins video chatting alone with their baby sister. Then my mil who was watching them got to see her and then I proceeded to call my parents before moving on down to mine and my husband’s grandparents. Everyone else that wanted to see her had to video chat us on their own terms or wait till we finished with all the grandparents so we could post on social media.
I just had my baby and had same scenario. I would never not let them see the baby after doing me the favor of watching my toddler.
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Won’t they’ve home when u arrive with the baby since there watching ur other one 
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Having lost my mother-in-law 5 days before the birth of our third child, I’ll say this- no one knows when our time on earth will be up. I have so many regrets that I’ll never be able to make right.
Your daughter will still find this first introduction as both beautiful and memorable regardless of who is with her during that time.
There will be plenty of time for one-on-one after your in laws leave.
Let them be there. It’s a memory they wouldn’t want to miss.
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Yea… my oldest was over meeting his brother in 5 min (he was 5 at the time) then we let everyone else in the waiting room come meet him lol this time he will be 10 and we’re just going to give him 5 min like before along with little brother and then everyone else can meet the baby maybe it’s just me but after c-sections I’m the last one who wants to hold the baby 
I love that everyone else wants to do it and change diapers they just let me rest unless baby’s hungry lol
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My youngest was born in dec of 17 we had friends that watched our 2 older boys for us the day I was released she brought me the boys got a quick pic of baby kissed his head and said im gonna let yall introduce baby to his brothers I will come visit another time… she knew it was important for us to have just some family time with our boys and baby we asked for no visitors for 2 weeks from anyone we wanted the kids to get used to baby brother and it was the best decision we made by far our oldest two were only 4 and 3 when bub was born and their bond has been super strong since day 1 of meeting little man… its up to you momma you delivered baby your body is tired if you don’t want company its up to you
It’s needs to be you, your husband and your kids first. It’s about you all, not his mom and dad nor your parents. At that time neither of your parents or his don’t need to be around. After then go for it but for now keep it your family only.
I am pregnant with my third. My in laws will be watching my oldest 2 while we are at the hospital. While my in laws are going to be there when the siblings all 1st meet my kids will get to see each other before the in laws get to hold the new baby. But everyone will be there I don’t expect them to just drop my kids off and leave. They are grandparents and excited too. That being said I do have boundary issues with my in laws which has been brought up and discussed. We are working together and trying to compromise when need be. Good luck.
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So after the five minute excitement, they cant see the baby?
Your eldest can have some personal time to hold and meet the baby, that doesn’t mean his parents cant be there too. Just make the rule that your eldest will not be rushed and will have their own paced time with baby. Likely she’ll be over it super quick anyways.
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She asked y’all to be nice…damn. Some of you ladies get so ugly about things here.
I totally get where you’re coming from, and if it were me, I’d ask that they be there too, but maybe hang back a little just to give your two children a chance to see each other first. I’m not sure how old your eldest is, but she will probably not stay excited for long about the baby. She’ll be ready to go play after a few minutes. Then the grandparents can come in and get all the baby snuggles they deserve. Because they do deserve it too.
Where would your first be without their love and care? Where would your husband be? Let your oldest meet the baby, she’ll be done with it quickly and then it’s the grandparents turn. That baby’s loving and involved grandparents however, will not get over meeting your baby. Take love, give love, if you can’t handle it go take a nap while they visit with their son and enjoy their grandbabies.
Some of us wanted nothing more than loving and involved grandparents for our children.
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Hmm I think that oldest definitely gets first meeting of baby but if they are in the room with you all it should be fine. When I had my son in July of 2020 we were allowed 1 visitor at a time and only siblings were allowed in if they were under the age of 18.
My mother brought my daughter. My daughter got to meet her brother first, got to hold him, love on him all that first. My mom was there though. I loved it because we got a lot of pictures this way.
Agree with your husband it’s really not that deep jeez 
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Ask them to wait in another room for a few minutes while your oldest meets her sister, and explain to them why, they might surprise you and tell you they’ll meet the baby later either way your oldest will meet baby first
There’s really nothing weing with your in laws being around when your oldest meets the new arrival! Your in laws are the ones watching your oldest while you’re birthing their youngest grandchild! This shouldn’t be a big deal, you’re all family coming together! Geez!
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I’d say compromise. When they bring your oldest home, suggest they wait x amount of minutes for just you, hubby and kids, then they can come in and meet baby too. And offer an x amount of time with his parents. Maybe give them an hour or so with the kids while you and hubby sit back and relax, taking it all in. 🤷 relationships are all about compromise.
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Unlike many of the people here, it is my opinion that you don’t owe the grandparents anything. If you choose to ask them to go home, don’t let yourself be guilted into changing your mind.
That said, I’d like to pose a couple of questions for you to consider. First, how long do you think your oldest child needs alone with the baby? I can tell you from experience as an oldest child in a family that I don’t remember, at all, bonding time with my siblings as babies. I’m not sure it’s as important as you may think, especially considering there will be ample time to bond after the grandparents are gone.
Second, is it worth it in the long run to deal with the grandparents being around now so that later there won’t be any hurt feelings. I know I said don’t be guilted into letting them get their way, and I stand by that, but it may be the wisest move for you in the long run to let them stay now for a few hours and then not have to deal with potential fallout in the future.
Good luck with your decisions. And don’t listen to the folks saying your husband is just as important in this decision. He is equally a parent, yes, but he isn’t the one who’s carried the child for the last 9 months and been through labor in a hospital. If what you want is to be alone in your house to rest for a couple days, I hope he would be on your side in pushing for that.
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I’d just let them honestly who cares! I had my 3rd 9 months ago and my kids weren’t even the first ones to meet her, it was my in laws!
for me though it’s really not a big deal, she’s gonna live with her big sisters all their childhood life so it didn’t really matter lol
I’m so glad my mother and sister in law were in the hospital room when my daughter said “That’s a cute baby! Where’s his mom?” when she met her baby brother. Sixteen years later we are still laughing about it.
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Won’t they be home when you and the baby arrives? Since they’re the ones looking after your eldest. It really is ideal to have the first meeting with only just you, your husband and your eldest. You can still have the quality time once your in laws are gone. Or even if they’re around you can have it inside your own bedroom. Anyway congratulations and God bless your family 
Some people just too dam much…smdh.
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It sounds like you have this wonderful joyous beautiful moment in your head. but the reality of it is their going to be like oh the new baby hold it for a few minutes and then go on about their day. Let your in-laws be there to take pictures of it.
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My bonus kids don’t really remember the first time meeting their baby brother 2 years ago (they were 9,8 & 7) BUT my mom was there to take pictures of it while dad held baby and I took a moment to sit by myself. 
It’s not like the baby will find closest with the first 5 people it meets.
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Had a baby a month ago. My toddler got to meet baby first. Grandma was here and able to see baby but my kids ALWAYS come first
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Your kid your choice
When I had my second baby the in-laws keep the first. I regret to this day that they were there when the 2 met along with my sister in law and her husband and daughter while I was still in the hospital. I wish it would have only been us. With my third we came home in 24 hours and the first meeting was in our home with my parents. Unlike my in laws they known boundaries and gave us space.
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I totally agree with you…you all need family bonding time just the three of you…just my opinion
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Wow…you like to create problems when there arent any…
You child can have one on one time when your inlaws go home.
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Totally on your husbands side on this one
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Honestly I feel that if they are going to be taking care of the eldest one and will bringing her home or already be at your home when you arrive it would be a tat bit rude not to let them see the baby and then you, your husband and your eldest daughter begin your bonding upon their departure - I’m sure they aren’t going to overdue their welcome and would understand and not stay but a moment but it’s your child and choices but feel it’s not going to leave a very good feeling with anyone concerned. Early congrats on your new addition to your family.
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What’s the big deal? Is the new kid going to do handsprings? What is there for them to see?
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Not everythings about you your a grown as women not a 4 year old kid quit with the me me me
Sooo. As soon as you walk in home, you are going to kick the inlaws out.
Stinnkk.
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So I just had my second baby in November my oldest is 6. My in laws had him while we’re in the hospital. We decided to do a private meeting for them to transition our son easier. Dad dropped me and baby off at and went and picked up big brother to bring him home alone. His parent came over later on, but we made sure that it was just us for the first meeting. I feel like that was better snd he loves her so much! He was so happy he met her before anyone else did!
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How is your relationship with them? Why not just ask them (or have your husband ask) if they would be offended if they gave you a few hours and then go from there?
I wouldn’t be upset with my kid if they asked me that. But I would explain why. People don’t usually get upset when they know where you are coming from…
My daughter and son and law came home with their second and we were there because we watched our grandson. However, the very first person to greet and hold that precious baby was her brother. We stayed long enough for hugs and kisses and then left them to get their time together.
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Ur in laws should be there
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Idk half my family was there when my oldest met my now 3m old. I don’t see what the big deal is
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I really dont see an issue bc the oldest will have all the one on one time that they want after the in-laws leave.
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He’s wrong. You’re right.
“Thanks for stepping up and watching my kid, now get the fuck out so you can miss this beautiful moment in your grandchildren’s lives!”
You’re selfish af.
Let your in laws be involved . You can have all the alone time you want when they leave.
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I get where you’re coming from but screw it! Your eldest will have missed you more than the excitement of the new baby, Inlaws being there gives you precious moments with your eldest as well while they fuss over baby, Your eldest needs you rather than anybody not needing to be there
I think its about time that people just do what makes them happy. Stop thinking or caring about what other people think. They’re your children and if you want to introduce them one on one then that’s what you do. Simples.
I don’t think this is a right or wrong situation but a preference…
and if your preference is that you’d prefer to have a mom, dad, and siblings only baby meet and greet it’s perfectly acceptable and even reasonable. You just gave birth, last thing anyone needs is being forced to entertain other family members with your newborn while trying to recover.
Now other moms may be more opt to including grands and thats perfectly fine for them but doesn’t make it the “correct” way whether they watched the older sibling or not. That was a great and helpful gesture from the in-laws heart, not a favor to hold over someone’s head to get baby time. Make it clear your in-laws are appreciated, loved, and important but your comfort and recovery take precedence at this time.
And to be quite honest idc if it has nothing to do with the eldest child bonding with baby. If you simply wanted the alone time so you can climb straight in bed undisturbed and scroll through netflix 
you heal and socialize with baby when you’re mentally and physically prepared to.
Petty
Toxic
Bigger things to worry about
Why get caught up in this kind of mind set?
Family is family
Your child has a life time of bonding
Weird
Exhausting
Silly
All the things that come to mind when I read this kind of self induced drama.
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I was thankful to still have my parents at the house with my 25 month old when I came home with the new baby. My mother actually stayed for a few days afterwards to help out. I had a c section and couldn’t do much and my toddler was quite jealous of his new sister. My mother helped keep him occupied and gave him one on one time and she helped take him outside to play while I caught naps with the baby. Oh, and she helped with dinner. I was so thankful to have had her there!
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Stop tripping on the grandparents should be there,and your other child will be proud showing them how she handles the baby.
Really? 2 nd child will look at baby, maybe hold for a picture and then go play. Don’t lick your in laws out of seeing their grandchildren! Very selfish
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What an insult to your inlaws. Good enough to babysit for free but you want to dump them for a contrived intro. How about everybody be joyous and welcoming at the same time?
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Would they not already be there with the older one when u get home? You can’t really exactly say OK go before you get out the car… I think let them see the new baby for half an hour then the older one will still have plenty of bonding time plus don’t piss your babysitters off your going to need them
I agree with you. Give yourself and your family time to breathe and come home and bond together. It’s a magical moment bringing baby home to their sibling for the very first time. Grandparents can wait.
I wish I had such horrible problems Jesus
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Im with him. This is way more important to you than your kid, sweetie.
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Wouldn’t she already be there? Sounds kinda inevitable if she’s already there watching your eldest? Personally I’d battle the decision cause I’d feel bad trying to boot someone out the door all quick like after doing me a favor… I see what you mean though. Mabe when you get home, sit your eldest down, then sit with her. Have your husband take the mom to the side to “talk” to her in another room. Then you get the one on one, have her hold her new sister and what not while your husband tells the mom some stories of the first moments? After watching your eldest for this big life changing moment, she’ll want to meet the little too ya know. This way you get your own time with your eldest and she can be there after to meet the little one too.