I don't think my in laws should visit because of COVID: Advice?

A few months ago my in laws booked a flight to come stay with us. Now that things are getting worse with the virus my husband’s work is getting a bit more strict. We aren’t doing Thanksgiving or Christmas with my immediate family due to them working in health care and deciding they thought that was best. My mil is starting in the ER, and my fil apparently doesn’t go anywhere. I have a 1 yr old as of today and a 3.5-year-old; we’ve been staying home and playing it safe. We’ve decided right now is not the best time for them to come and vocalized that yesterday. My mil said, “I get tested all the time, and I’ll get tested before I leave; we also mask on the airplane”.I don’t care if you get tested. I don’t care if you wear a mask…I don’t feel comfortable with them staying with us or coming, for that matter, right now. We don’t live in a warm area where we can distance. They just brushed it off and said they would stay with his sister who lives here, but that still is beside the fact right now, we don’t feel that it is a good idea. They will want to go out to eat and still be at our home. Of course, I want to see them, and of course, I want them to see their grandkids, but I don’t think it is worth the risk right now, and I’m kind of pissed they just brushed off what we said. I know everyone feels differently about this virus, and that’s okay; I just feel like this is what is best for my husband’s job and the health of our family, especially since we aren’t doing anything with my family who we have been around carefully through all of this.

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If that’s what you think that’s what you should do.

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Stick to ur guns! I work for a hospital and was just diagnosed with Covid. After trace contacting I was told I most likely got it from work. No matter how careful I was I still got it.

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I would be afraid that even if they tested negative, they might have germs on their belongings or that they may have been exposed and it’s just not showing up yet. I want so much to go see my siblings, but am afraid of all the “what ifs”. Stick to your guns, keep your family as safe as possible, even tho I’m sure you and your kids want to see them. Mothers instinct.

Just tell them you dont feel safe right now with them coming .but you are looking forward to visit with them when things are better with virus.they will get over it. Its time to respect each other right now.we dont all feel the same.

Well we are driving 900 miles for Christmas to see family 6 of which are health care workers 24 close family members. It’s all in what you are comfortable with

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Nope, they could easily pick it up on the way to your house.

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My in laws are teachers they do not see my child right now.

If they insist on coming and staying with his sister they can come say hi to the kids through the window. If they don’t like that option oh well its up to you to do what you think is best for your family.

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Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. How long are we going to continue to push away loved ones for a virus with a 99.9% survival rate? If they were to pass from a car accident or something in the next year, will you regret not letting your children seen them?

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You’re an adult. Stand up for yourself and tell them you don’t feel safe having them visit. You don’t have to let anyone in your house that you aren’t comfortable with having there.

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Stay firm with your decision and what you’re feeling, because it’s the RIGHT decision. They should NOT be traveling right now! What does your spouse say? He should be the one telling them your doors are closed (and he should have your back if this is mostly your decision for your family). Have him be the bearer of bad news since it’s his family, and let them know that this year, you’re only celebrating with those who live in your home. In our state we’re “prohibited” from gatherings with people outside our home. It’s not easy and it sucks (my 18m old hasn’t seen his grandpa since he was 8M!), but I’d rather skip this year and celebrate next year, with everyone healthy! I keep saying I’d rather spend Thanksgiving alone with my immediate family, than have to say goodbye to someone in the ICU via phone at Christmas time. Good luck!

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Your choice at the end of the day if you don’t want them there just say No you are not to come to our house right now.

I’d say you need to be telling your husband this, not us, in the nicest way, your mind is made up already you dont need internet permission, you need to tell him.

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After I had my second baby my father was visiting my sister then was due to visit me. My sister called me the day before he was due to visit saying he had been violently puking all day, fever, the works. I called my step mom and told her that the trip was cancelled. I had a new born and a 4 year old and was healing from delivery and I was not going to allow anyone sick into my home. My dad was angry at me but got over it. Stick to your guns. Its your home and your rules.

Do what you feel is best the only thing I can tell you is my opinion which is I will not let this virus keep me from seeing and spending time with family because tomorrow is not promised I lost my uncle last year the last time I had seen him was Sept 2019 he died December 28th 2019 (he was only in his 30s or 40s) I missed seeing him Christmas eve by 2 mins and that kills me everyday

Covid before family? In my opinion, ludicrous! None of it makes any sense, lockdowns, inaccurate figures etc. Don’t feed the fear! Live your life, let others live theirs. What an absolute shame to stop family visiting - sooooo many people can only wish to be blessed with family visits again.
For the record, my partner is currently immuno compromised with leukemia - so I am not naieve to this situation and the ‘risks’. Life is for living. We need exposure to build immunity.
Each to their own and I respect your choice.
I am simply sharing my view on a post you asked for others thoughts on.
Love xx

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You do what you feel is best for your family and stand firm. I’m immunocompromised due to a childhood illness and get sick all the time. I’m a germ freak anyways, so COVID hasn’t changed my routine much. Your family’s health is more important than someone’s feelings. Every person is different and will react differently to the virus. If you and your husband are uncomfortable with them coming, tell them no.

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If she’s a healthcare worker she understands the severity.
This could be your last opportunity to see them. You never know what life throws at you next

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My patents are in heaven. I think you can guess what i would do.:heart: Time is short. Life your life there are a lot of things more deadly than covid.

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Wait,you said you don’t care if they have been tested and wear a mask…those are the two major factors in “slowing the spread”.Why wouldn’t you care that they’re taking precaution to see family?That makes as much sense as having to wear a mask into a restaurant but taking it off to eat…in the restaurant lol as if the virus only stays in specific areas.

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Stand up for what you think is best for your family. I’m sorry they can’t be understanding but that’s not your problem.

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If it’s her in-laws, her husband should tell them not to visit if they aren’t listening to her. If he has already let them know, and they aren’t listening to him, only option they’ve got, they can avoid them by simply not answering the door.

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If they are staying with the sister then it’s no longer your problem to control. Draw your boundaries and stay firm. You allow who comes in your home and where you go. Outside of that is not your problem or concern.

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If your in-laws WORK in a Healthcare setting, and they don’t see the threat… think about that. They are more careful, educated, and skilled than the average citizen. I personally don’t think you need to worry or stress about it. This SCANdemic is putting the fear into people so that they can control you. Be safe. Wash your hands.

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If you live in Pennsylvania, tell them to stay home! Numbers are climbing rapidly. Shut downs are likely to happen. Not fearful , just adapting wisely for everyone’s best interest.How would you feel if elderly MIL or FIL end up recovering alone in a local hospital because the took the risk to visit family? Obviously you maintain good family relations from a distance for most of the year. Plan a visit in a warmer season!

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I have read this post several times and can’t help but wonder if her immediate family was ok having the holidays together, then would it be ok for the in-laws? Her family has been allowed access to them, taking precautions, until they made the decision to not get together. I realize COVID is very serious and am not judging your concern, but the way this reads is more “if we aren’t seeing my family, we aren’t seeing yours.”

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This is why we are where we are with this pandemic smh to some of these posts how hard is it to give up a few things so next year everyone will still be around. Instead of bein selfish and then someone gets it and dies then what the guilt won’t be pretty. Everyone just follow suit and we can get on with our lives for fuck sakes

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Doesn’t even make sense. You say they booked a flight just a few months ago, and covid has been in high gear well beyond that. They’re willing to get tested to show they’re not a risk. I think its odd to try and cancel on them a few days before the holiday. You said they made other arrangements? So this doesn’t sound like this is at all your problem or your concern anymore. If you don’t want to see them, don’t??

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Your choice, your home,
Have your husband talk to them and set it straight.

That is his parents, and he needs to let them know that they have to respect your decision of your little family. Also if his job is getting more strict on it. You can explain to them that if they just so happen to get Covid that it would be detrimental to your husband‘s job and your financial obligations.

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This virus is not going away. At some point you need to take your chances and live your life. We are faced with risks everyday. See your loved ones. We are not promised tomorrow. Just my opinion

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Everyone has the right to decide who may stay with them. You are missing the point. If for instance, someone had been exposed to chicken pox and said they were ignoring doctors advice and coming to visit what would you say

Your in laws are more vulnerable than your kids. They are taking the bigger risk by traveling to you all. And as a healthcare worker I can tell you work isn’t the threat, I feel more at risk at the grocery store or around friends which is why I’ve avoided both as much as possible. But you’re right if you’re not comfortable stick to your method of quarantine. We mostly only see my in laws for that reason I’ve cut everyone else off. I don’t want to risk exposure to my in laws. But I did meet my mother once this year, we just quarantine a few days after before going back over to my in laws house.

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It’s up to you, of course. I would let your husband decide (without pressure from you), as it’s his parents. If he is okay with them coming over, then you should make a concession.

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It is your home and your family and your decisions need to be respected around whatever you choose in life for your family

100% your kids, your decision. I get it and they should support what you’ve asked wether they believe it’s necessary or not.

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People need to stop being scared and start living their NORMAL lives. Next week the government will tell you to wear a mask in your own house, are you going to comply? Smh🤦🏼‍♀️

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If they’re staying with the sister then you have no say whatsoever. And if your side of the family gets to see you/your kids in a careful manner, why shouldn’t they?

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Stand for what you believe,just protecting your family.this virus is serious and people treating it like a cold or flu!

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I’m sorry but if you’ve been around your family then his family should be able to see you guys as well. I understand the worries but if you are carefully seeing your family then he can carefully see his family.

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I am sorry you feel this way. What if it’s the last time you have a chance to see them?
You have a higher chance of dying in a car accident. But to each their own I guess. I find it heartbreaking.

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Not sure your opinion on them coming matters if they’re no longer staying with you.

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If you dont feel comfortable then just tell them and be firm , my youngest has a 5 month old and no if and or butts no one sees the baby , they will just have to understand and deal with this shit like the rest of the world

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Well my mil works in health care and even tho she was masked tested etc she still got it she got tested on a Thursday was neg and that following weekend on sunday she tested positive

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This sounds like more of a jealousy thing that you won’t be seeing your family as they’ve said its best. Maybe just throw the rules out and try and mske it as normal as possible for the kids (seeing family) and you’ll have to catch up with your family when they feel ready to do that. Although if they also work in health care then they should be having regular swabs too. Im a RN, heavily pregnant and still working in the hospitals, I for one will be having a normal festive season

It’s inconsiderate of your in laws not to respect your feelings. On a side note. I couldn’t agree more with you. Play it safe. I haven’t seen my son snd his family since last Christmas , we won’t be seeing each other this Christmas either. His wife , my DIL is a nurse.

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After reading the comments I can see why the virus is spreading at rapid rates and deaths are happening more often. People think they know how this virus works after only 8 months of it being around. There are medical professionals who say there isn’t enough research yet to know the long lasting effects of covid on the body. Do people really think because they read a few articles they know everything about covid?! Omg what is the world coming to…

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I know the virus is bad but don’t forget to I can still get it with out them visiting. U can do of something no matter what in a car crash or outside kids that they hang with or grocery store any where u go regardless ots a challenge of u get it or not. Still be safe n do what u feel is best with both sides of the family for the children
Do want u want which makes u happy but life is never guaranteed from one day till the next. Here today gone tomorrow believe me.

Put your foot down and keep your kids safe thats your job as a mother if she doesn’t understand that well…what kind of mother was she!?

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They can knock on your door, just don’t answer it. You have to do what you feel is best for your family. Suggest a video chat instead.

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Hire a patio heater and sit outside for a bit if they will stay with your parents. They are dying to see family after so long apart if you keep distance and the wear masks anti back etc you cant do much more. If you’re happy to go to the supermarket when you have no idea if someone has sanitised and half the folk dont wear a mask you cant really argue about family that are trying to be careful

Is it because u arent seeing ur family who possibly arent tested as often as ur inlaws have been and u dont think its right they see u if ur family aren’t… Thats wot it sounds like

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Your husband could step up and tell them no they are his parents , they need to be told that their grand childrens lives are at stake .

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Just spray them down with Lysol! And make them wear their mask and use hand sanitizer before seeing or touching kids. Something will work out! It could be your last time together?! Think about that!

You’re being dramatic and making a fear based decision. I mean if you want to live ur life in fear go ahead. But there’s nothing wrong with visiting family as long as no one is sick and no one is severely immune compromised.
I can see why they would be frustrated with you but you have no right to be upset with them not letting a cold rule their lives. Sound like a great solution thst they stay with someone else and you could just see them the same way you’ve been seeing your family.

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Sounds like you just dont want your in laws to come for any reason

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This Momma is overreacting. Just make arrangements to meet the in-laws at Costco, Target, or any grocery stores since COVID19 doesn’t seem to affect those places :sweat_smile::joy::roll_eyes:.

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Good for u …dont feel guilty either it is what it is

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This is actually a great idea if you dislike your in-laws :rofl::rofl::eyes:

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Off topic here so sorry but does anyone know how to post a question to this page ?

Close your home to all visitors if you’re in the USA.

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As the Covid numbers continue to climb in the US and around the world, our goal is to reach as many people who may need support, especially during the holidays. Whether you’ve suffered the painful loss of a loved one, personally recovered from COVID-19, or just want to offer a kind word to a complete stranger, we ask you to join.

Support for Lives Lost and Those Affected by COVID-19

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Your house, your rules. Do what you think is best

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Enjoy family! Wash your hands! Memories are important : )

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Tell them you’d rather them and you all stay healthy and not risk it. We are doing our immediate family that only lives in the same house as us this year. It hurts but it’s better then video chatting family in the ICU intubated on Christmas.

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Looks like they are coming anyways honey :joy::tipping_hand_woman:t3:

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Just tell them they aren’t welcome right now rudely now that you were nice

How some of y’all are gunna be.

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With all honesty as long as everybody is not sick I don’t see the problem with it. We go out in the grocery store on a daily basis we go do our tree jobs on a daily basis cutting people’s yards on a daily basis. I mean you can’t live in fear for the rest of your life because you won’t have no life. honestly when you go and buy something you are spending money and giving the cashier the money and receiving money that other people have handled and you don’t know what’s on that money and the same thing with are food that is being shipped out of these factories who has touched all that stuff I mean how many people has done whatever with all that stuff that’s being packaged throughout America. I mean it’s a good thought right. there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be safe I mean honestly better be safe than sorry right but I think as long as your family is not sick I think it’s okay to spend the holidays with them. I’m supposed to have my ex boyfriend over for Thanksgiving and he works in a place that has had several people tested positive for the virus. But that can’t stop me from living my life and enjoying my ex-boyfriend you know what I mean he’s a part of the family! he’s been giving us car rides because our car was broke down and now his car is broke down so I’m his car ride. Yes it’s scary knowing that there’s been people on his job tested positive for the virus. I have a husband who cannot afford to get that virus it will probably take him out but my husband is looking every day you know normally. my mom works at the hospital of all places I mean that’s a good place for the virus to be. But she still has to go home to the family. I don’t understand why you stated in your comments that you don’t care if they’re wearing a mask or taking safety precautions. It sounds like to me you self-consciously don’t want them there for your own selfish reasons and you’re using the virus as an excuse because if they’re wearing their masks and they’re taking all the safety precautions they can then it seems like you would be okay with it I mean honestly not daughter goes to school every day she’s been going since school started. We have had several kids being sent home due to having a stuffy nose or a cough or a sneeze but honestly as long as they don’t test positive they’re fine. it’s coughing cold season what does people expect I mean everybody is going to get sick somewhere during the winter time. no doubt in my mind coronavirus or no coronavirus you’re going to get sick it is cold and flu season. because in my opinion the first thing that should pop into your mind is or you going to wear your mask around the family are you going to take all the safety precautions you can if their answer is yes then why wouldn’t you go ahead and invite them to Thanksgiving dinner to me it still sounds like you self-consciously don’t want them there for your own reasons.

Your house your rules. It sounds like they still have a place to stay so they don’t have to stop their trip.
Make sure your husband is showing a united front.

My father passed away some yrs ago, a wonderful man. Diagnosed with cancer and given about 6 months. My nephew and wife had a baby boy just before the diagnoses. Dad was so tickled to have a great grandson. The mother said she wouldn’t fly out so dad could meet the little guy because it was flu season.
Broke dad’s heart before he died. I will never speak to them or my sister again for the pain they caused him.
So pathetic you feel that way, so selfish, karma comes at the best of times.

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So you want them AND everyone else in your family to do what YOU say? They can’t make their own choices? They won’t stay with you, you don’t have to let them visit you if you’re that scared but you have absolutely no right to try to enforce your fears onto anyone else except your children. Don’t visit with them but butt out of anything else…it’s simply not your decision to make. Btw…how does your hubby feel about this? Not you, not his job…him? You never mentioned HIS feelings at all

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The amount of people USING child safety as an EXCUSE is grossly appalling! Children DO NOT get sick from this virus…they just don’t do to say it’s to protect her children is utter bullshit! Sounds like a petty bitter woman who doesn’t WANT them around. Either way though if they aren’t staying with you, it’s absolutely none of your business now :woman_shrugging:t2: I wouldn’t even discuss the trip with you and I would definitely go behind your back to sneak see MY SON and MY GRANDKIDS promise you that

Lock up your doors and windows. No one wants funerals before Christmas.

Have your husband inform them and be done.

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Do what you feel is best to protect your family, there have been people tested negative who then went on to develop symptoms, don’t be pressured into anything, do whatever you feel safe with, but compromise with a video calling Christmas morning, present time meal etc.

Do what you feel comfortable doing. If others have a problem with it, it’s their problem.

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So you don’t care that they are doing what the CDC says to do to help prevent it, you just need a excuse on why they can’t come see their family.

Well you shouldn’t spend it anywhere but your home spending elsewhere is a risk

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Hold ur ground… do what’s right for u n ur family. It doesnt matter what anyone else thinks. Let them stay with the sister and let them do a drive by with no getting down. Wave as they pass by… better safe than sorry.

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Stand your ground. The inlaws are basically saying they are fine with possible exposure to you and your kids. This is the time to choose safety over family.

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I’m in a similar position. I know my in laws want to take a flight and come really bad but my 3 month old had a heart surgery very recently and he cannot be exposed. Besides, we are being extremely careful and have been throughout this pandemic. I have told them they gotta wait until we feel is safe. A lot of states are asking people traveling from other states to quarentine for 2 weeks regardless. They can tell you all they want about taking the right precautions and so. Good for them because everyone should be careful. BUT if it doesn’t sit right with you, make it clear kindly. Nobody can force themselves into your home, remember that, at the end of the day no one knows what is best for your family better than you momma.

My sil’s two boys and their wives are po’d at her. She is immuno com promised with really bad lungs and won’t go visit them and her grandkids (school age). They think she is just being “dramatic”. I have crohn 'a and have had a heart attack and I would love to see my son and grandkids but he understands. I tell her to do what she feels safe doing cause it won’t be any of them doing the suffering if she gets sick. Dont let them pooh-pooh you off, you have to protect your family. I feel bad for those families that dont have that support, good luck and have a Merry Christmas!

I think as long as everyone is washing hands sanitizing tables and areas it’s not a big deal. I work with kids and am constantly sanitizing and washing hands. We need to charish the little time we have with family while we can. Because we don’t know how long this is going to last. Don’t miss those moments.

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If they want they can come and stay with the sister. You vocalized your worry and you stick to it! If you don’t wanna be around people then you don’t be around people. Make it very clear that you wish them a wonderful holiday but your family won’t be attending any meals or visits. It’s up to them at that point if they still want to make the trip. Your family is your main concern and only you and your hubby can make decisions for your family. There is always video calls to feel more involved with the family🤷‍♀️ best of luck.

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Hubby gotta put his foot down. The end. You’re welcome

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I was with you up until you said you had been being around your family, you just weren’t getting together for the holiday. If you can be around your family “carefully” then you can be around his family “carefully”.

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Maybe you could visit at the sisters then go home and bath and wash clothes. That way they wouldn’t be bringing stuff to you as much

Get over your self and let his parents come over :confused:

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You can see your family with the virus but say completely no to his family
I’d get over it and let them come and see the family

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I’m with you. I’m in a similar situation- I’m comfortable with my family because we have our inner circle already built- they baby sit our 2 year old 3x a week and we see them very very often besides that. My sil is coming to town to stay with her parents and it’s her that I’m not comfortable with- she isn’t local- we haven’t seen her regularly through this COVID mess- her sig other has kids in public school and shares custody with mom who works in an er. I’m not comfortable with what sil could have been exposed to so husband and I aren’t seeing his side of the family for the holidays. It’s not because I’m being mean or wanting to not be involved with that side of my family- I’m trying to stay healthy and keep my family healthy. We’re really really trying to play it safe as I’m 8 months pregnant also. As long as your spouse is on the same page as you and agrees that’s all that matters- the family y’all created is who comes first. There will be other holidays in the future to make everyone else happy. COVID sucks and it isn’t ideal.

Mental health is important to. Consider how they are going living so far away and how would you be feeling if you have been without family all this time. The virus has a higher chance of killing older people. How would you feel if you may never see your children/grandchildren if you did eventually catch it? In saying all that it your choice in the end and stand by your choice.

Ok, so how is it fair that you see your family but his cant come visit? It honestly sounds more like you’re just avoiding seeing the in laws.

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People are really this paranoid???

I’ve been living life normally & my family of 4 with 2 under 3 is fine :joy::roll_eyes:

I know someone who’s grandpa killed themselves 3 months into COVID because they were so lonely/scared and their kids wouldn’t come see them. Y’all are gonna kill yourselves of stress and depression before you’ll get COVID. :roll_eyes:

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Wait… you just don’t wanna see your in-laws.

Your terrible.

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If you can safely social distance with your family, why cant you for his? Just because some of your family work in health care doesnt mean its safer and how is ut different from your mil working in er? I really think you could compromise and sorry but it sounds completely unfair to your in laws and husband…

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The ER workers where I live get tested daily and some recently tested positive literally the day after they tested negative (on their day off) :woman_shrugging: I say you’re being safe.

This is your decision not theirs. They are you kids and if you feel it is to much Of a risk at this time don’t do it. Getting tested all the time doesn’t mean she can’t get it and pass it on. They can visit some other time.