I don't want my boyfriend's mom being in charge of my baby shower decorations: Advice?

So my boyfriend’s mom called me today & told me she wanted to be in charge of decorations for my baby shower. I’m not really sure what to do or what to tell her because we aren’t that close at all & I feel like decorating is something I want to do because I want it a certain way vs. someone doing it how they like. I wouldn’t have a problem with her helping with decorations, but I know I would literally have no say in what she’s doing & I want to say… is it rude to ask her to be in charge of something different? I really am trying to figure out what to say or do. I really don’t want to sound rude. I told her I would get back to her tomorrow.

113 Likes

If you don’t want to be rude, let her do this. She is reaching out to you and making an effort to be more involved. Let her know what you’d like and then let her do it. It’s one day out of life and is it really that important? Really? This is someone who is in your life and will remain so, moreso once there is a grandchild.

No one even cared enough to throw a baby shower for me when I had my oldest child. Just be glad people care about you and want to be involved. It’s a baby shower, not your wedding.

1 Like

Then don’t let her do it. You can say no thank you. Idk how your relationship is with her but your allowed to have a say, and say no.

It is a baby shower, right? All the shower’s I’ve been to are either surprise events or the “mom to be” has shared a theme (woodlands and buffalo plaid) or idea (yellow as we aren’t going to know the gender), but then we decorate and prepare games. Mom participates, but the shower is for her, not thrown by her. Mom just shows up and enjoys the festivities.

1 Like

I think it is nice that she wants to help. Maybe just try to guide her with things you like? I didn’t get asked a theme for my baby shower and I honestly wouldn’t have cared either way. I was thankful for people caring enough to throw me one. I also don’t think I asked my sister about the theme for hers. I just went for it and she liked it… I think lol

1 Like

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I don't want my boyfriend's mom being in charge of my baby shower decorations: Advice?

Tell her thanks but no thanks.

1 Like

Tell her no thank you, she’ll get over it in a couple decades

13 Likes

It sounds like she wants to be involved, so let her. It may bring you two closer.

10 Likes

Someone throws you a shower. It’s not your choice. Let them do it for you.

26 Likes

Can’t you say yes thanks here’s what I want here’s my theme and what where I was going to get this stuff. Her Helping without deciding

8 Likes

Who’s throwing the shower? Are you doing it yourself are your friend or family in charge of it? If so just tell her someone is already doing the decorations for it in a way you like.

7 Likes

Tell her the decorations are already taken care of and give her another task like cookies

6 Likes

Let her decorate… it’s not that serious. I’m sure it means a lot to her

4 Likes

I would explain to her that you would prefer if you chose the theme, color, decor etc. But If you don’t mind the help you could offer for her to help you set things up and put them where you would like them so she can help contribute to helping and it’ll still be what you want and just working as a team to get it perfect the way you would, I hope in general all outcomes you have a wonderful baby shower, congratulations

You sound controlling, when you should be grateful.

16 Likes

She just wants to do something nice I’m sure. Take screenshots of the decorations YOU want and tell her that’s how you want it done. If she doesn’t like it then tell her you’ll take over. All it takes is a little bit of communication. If she’s willing to pay for the stuff let her :woman_shrugging: it know it’s your baby shower for your baby but it’s also her grand baby too and she’ll always want to do stuff

4 Likes

Is she hosting the shower? If so then yes she does the decorations and stuff.

Maybe I am old school, but when someone is giving you a shower whether it be a baby shower or bridal shower. The guest of honor does not do anything except show up and look pretty and be thankful someone wanted to do something for her. Be grateful!

21 Likes

Why don’t you two do it together. Get the decorations and decorate together.
Tell her you have an idea in your mind that you love so you want to stick with that.

6 Likes

Just tell her you already have certain plans for how you’d like it to look but she’s more than welcome to help.
Or just be straight up and tell her you already have plans for it lol

3 Likes

Tell her you appreciate her wanting to help but you would really like to decorate how you’d like to. Maybe you could send her some of the ideas you have for things and you guys could do it together

Who is hosting/giving the shower? That person should make the decision.

9 Likes

Just tell her that it is already taken care of and thank her for offering. Then offer something else she could do like maybe getting prizes for games, drinks ect. Don’t be afraid to speak up.

At the end of the day it’s not that big of a deal, if she is throwing your shower or that side of the family is, then just sit back and enjoy it

7 Likes

Let her do it… what’s the big deal. You said y’all don’t get along that could smooth out the relationship between the two of u… #ijs

:joy: (it’s not your choice) it’s totally her choice. I held my own baby shower to. Do it how you want mama :heart:

Tell her like you just said this. It wasn’t offensive and it was delivered with Care. Be vocal and use that throat chakra

Just be completely honest say its something you have been planning for she should understand but don’t just go along with things you will feel resentment eventually :sparkling_heart:

Just tell her you appreciate it so much but you have some ideas. Maybe she can come over and y’all work on them together

2 Likes

I would let her do it Just tell her your theme. In the grand scheme of it be thankful she wants to be involved. Usually showers are left to others anyways…

6 Likes

Man when I was pregnant and someone said they were gonna help do something I let them. Pregnancy is rough and baby showers arent a super big deal as far as how they’re decorated. It’s about celebrating the baby being with family and all preparing and being joyful together.

7 Likes

As a mother in law to me that would mean I will pay for the decorations just tell me what you want and I will do it

2 Likes

My daughter in law and I just went through this. She wanted to decorate, so I let her. I did the place, tables and chairs, my ex husband had it catered. My Daughter in law and I got even closer. It was a large shower that had many details. We all picked a task. She decorated and it was beautiful! Just talk honestly with your mother in law!

5 Likes

You remind me a piece of myself. We are sensitive to say things or ask because we don’t wanna sound or seem rude. Yet, the people around us have the audacity to do things or say things lol. I would already tell her when it comes to my child i the mother will take care of it.

If I was planning and paying for it and didn’t want to let anyone else be in charge then say no. Maybe give her a couple tasks to be in charge of and make her feel like it would be super helpful to help with just those things. Like, " Well I’ve already gotten most of my decor and stuff like that but I’ve been really stressing about these things, could you maybe help out with those? It would help me so much!" Appeal to her sympathy side with the “I’m so stressed” scheme and then when she does it tell her thank you and feed her ego just a tad. Make her feel appreciated and you also get the shower the way you want.

1 Like

Be honest and tell her you already have the decorations planned….thank her for offering!

1 Like

Maybe get to know her, and suggest that you would like to work on the decorations together

Tell her you have someone already taking care of it.,

It’s def rude…you shouldn’t ve involved in any of it. It’s a party for you, not by you.

Just tell her you appreciate her offer but already have it planned out. Maybe ask if he would like to do a centerpiece for a table or another project.

1 Like

Who’s hosting the shower???

1 Like

Tell her you already have a theme and bought everything for decorating but if she would like to do games or food :woman_shrugging:t2:

1 Like

No matter what you say if you’re telling her NO it’s most likely going to hurt her feelings in some way or another :woman_shrugging:
You could tell her you already had a vision for the decorations and would like to do it yourself and ask her if she would like to help in another way…or help you with the decorations and use that time to get to know one another better…
She is the grandma…and I’m sure no matter what you do she will just be happy to be included… depending on the type of person she is of course…most are just happy to be included :purple_heart:
Good luck!!

2 Likes

Are you throwing a baby shower for Yourself??? :roll_eyes:

5 Likes

Typically whoever is throwing you the shower does everything, to include delegate responsibilities. You should just show up. You better start getting close to her….you’re having her grand baby.

11 Likes

Generally showers are something thrown by others for you. It might help bridge the gap in your relationship to let her do that. Once you have the baby you will learn a lot about letting go of control

10 Likes

Is it her baby? Is she pushing it out her vag? Then no. Tell her no. She’ll get over it or can sit and be salty.

2 Likes

If she is paying for it tell her what kind of theme you are wanting. If not tell her you will do decorations or tell her someone else is taking care of them.

Tell her its ur baby shower an ur mum will be in charge lol

Just say youve already got an idea of how you want it decorated and tell her your ideas, so it is decotated how you want. Shes probs just wants to be helpful

3 Likes

Honestly I’d send her pictures of what I want and the colors you want…she probably just wants to feel included

7 Likes

Standing up for what you want should never be seen as being rude. Maybe you be in charge n just have her help to your liking?

She’s going to be there for your child for the rest of her life I think it would be important to atleast have her contribute something to the decorations it may seem a little selfish because it’s for you and your boyfriend but really it’s for your baby and she’s always going to be around no matter what coming to a compromise helps

7 Likes

Then buy your own gifts too!!! You seriously want to do your own decorations for your baby shower?! Sit down, let that sink in. Does that sound right?!

8 Likes

I’d just talk to her. Say I had certain ideas for decorating could you help me with those ideas instead of doing it yourself? Or I really wanted to do the decor. Could you cook the meals instead?

Compromise let both of you decorate bounce ideas off of each other

2 Likes

This is an opportunity for you two to get closer. Are decorations that important to you or is it the fact that she’s offering that’s putting you off her kind gesture. It’s a moment where you need to pick your battles. :relaxed:

5 Likes

Ummm, why not! I feel this is kinda ungrateful of you…

2 Likes

Just tell her what you like

WOW, I’m sorry you feel that you cant say no without being rude! You can tell anyone no for any reason and should never feel bad about it… period!

Order a few things of what you want to incorporate “I have already started buying a few things to go with the theme I have in mind.” Then if she asks to see send pictures so she has an idea

3 Likes

Screw your “I need it done a certain way” attitude. Be grateful your even getting a baby shower. Being pregnant doesn’t give you the right to be ungrateful and controlling

7 Likes

And honestly, she shouldn’t have asked you because normally you don’t have a say and other’s do your shower… Your not being very nice in my opinion… But good luck

6 Likes

Be gracias, accept her offer. She is probably tickled to death about a grand baby. You might be very pleased with the outcome.

2 Likes

Just be honest. Let her know you’d rather be in charge of all decorations but if she’d like to help out with stuff that’s totally fine with you.

1 Like

It’s 2021 people literally throw their own baby showers and guests show up… Just let her down nicely and ask if she’d like to help you out. Tell her you already have it all planned out😌

1 Like

Omg so petty who cares what it will look like just accept the decency of her wanting to help

3 Likes

Maybe she’s just trying to be helpful?
Personally I would let her do it and make suggestions on what to change if you don’t like something. “What do you think about us putting that here instead”
Or you buy the decorations you want and just let her hang them up.

Mostly great ideas !
Relationships are more important than decor, right ?

Omg … sounds like she wants to do something nice for you… let her … it seems to be very important to her /and would mean so much to him too … I really think there seems to be a little jealousy here … in years to come when you look back on all of this what will it matter who decorated for what !!! Be nice … smile and enjoy the shower and look forward to new baby ! :heart:

1 Like

You could always say you know we have decorations already under control but we could really use help with XYZ and give her something else to do. Ask her to make a signature dish that her family loves. Something that will make her feel important and included

1 Like

Tell her your own mum is helping with that area but she is welcome to help out then send your mum her way with ALL your ideas. Too much stress 4 u as your pregnant

We used to be “surprised” by the baby shower so this was never a question. Less complicated :heavy_check_mark:

3 Likes

You left out one major detail… Who is throwing the baby shower for you??lol

Just say “I’ve already picked out the decorations for the baby shower you’re welcome to help put them up” or help with…whatever else you need help with

1 Like

Actually, you nor any of your family should have anything to do with your shower but attend. Friends should host such affairs.

Just let her know you have a vision for the shower and if she would like to sponsor the decorations YOU CHOOSE, then that would be awesome

1 Like

Its decorations for a baby shower not for your house :see_no_evil: if it bothers you that much…tell her what you want done.Dont act like a brat about it & tell her she cant do it.Anyway i thought baby showers was meant to be done for you? Not you doing the stuff?

5 Likes

I agree with everyone else that the person throwing it does everything and makes the choices and you should let her. But I also don’t see a problem in asking her to let you help or if she can incorporate some things YOU would like. She’s grandma and isn’t going anywhere, so now is the PERFECT time to learn to communicate and compromise. OR…let her do it how she wants completely and don’t invite your friends and throw what you want after…how you want it…and ask for the stuff you didn’t get. Multiple showers isn’t unheard of and you get the best of both worlds.

1 Like

Tell her thank you but I’ve already got it taken care of.

1 Like

Tell her you’d like to decorate your baby shower :woman_shrugging:t3:

2 Likes

I don’t think you are being very nice to her. My son or my daughters would never stand for their partners acting like that towards me.

4 Likes

My suggestion would be to give her a theme that you want to stick to and then have her run by ideas. Together you can agree on decorations. That’s how I did both my showers with my mom and my mother in law

Let her do it, so kind of her to offer. You should not be hosting or decorating your own shower anyway, others usually give the shower. Be grateful that she cares

6 Likes

Just tell her you would be happy to have her help, let her know you have a vision on what you want and let her know what you want and tell her you can’t wait for her to share and help in your shower…

4 Likes

Lord shes being nice smh

3 Likes

Who even does a baby shower? Kind of out dated.

2 Likes

Set clear boundaries now or you will regret it later…

2 Likes

Don’t burn a bridge you can’t rebuild. She is your baby’s grandmother. She will be the one who helps make sure the baby has what it needs from birth to adulthood. She’ll be the one there to babysit when you’re in a pinch. She’ll be the one who loves your baby almost as much as you do. Be glad she actually wants to help.

13 Likes

Lmao. A baby shower is supposed to be a “suprise” for you thrown by someone else. You aren’t supposed to have any say.

6 Likes

Just tell her thanks but you have already bought what you want for it, but really someone else is suppose to throw you the baby shower .

2 Likes

You the one who want the decorations not them… don’t let them walk over you

Geez just select the colors and relax. People are bringing you gifts, be happy she wants to help.

2 Likes

Just tell her you want to do the decorations and give her a different job so she can be included since she is grandma

tell her no… you do it

3 Likes

Let her do it. It will be fine!

3 Likes

I thought baby showers were a surprise for the mom-to-be and all she had to do was show up.

Sharing time…6 years ago when I was pregnant with my youngest one of my good friends planned a baby shower for me and invited everyone from work, I had to move and transfer and had worked with these people for 5 years, 6 people in total showed up to the shower it was 20 minutes away, my friend worked really hard to give me this beautiful gift, she was so heartbroken. Sooo…be grateful someone is wanting to do something for you and your baby.

5 Likes

I hate how judgemental some people are. You never know someone’s background. Take myself for instance, my dad raised me, mom wasn’t around. So it is very hard for me to accept anyone trying to be motherly to me or play that role in any way. Not that I’m not grateful, but I’m not used to it. It has caused problems with my fiances mother and I, and I honestly can’t help how I feel. At least she’s trying to be nice about it and not hurt her feelings.

5 Likes