My mom wants to take my son to thew beach and i have so much anxiety about it…its not that i dont trust her but i have a fear of drowning and water…i cannot go because i have to work but she will have my son and i do not want him to go…what should i do? i dont wanna offend her
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I don't want my mom taking my son to the beach: Help!
I have anxiety as well. You should get counseling. Your son should be free to enjoy what the world offers without your fears getting in the way. I know you can’t help it. I’ve been there. But, just think… your mom managed to keep you safe all these years. I’m sure she’ll keep her grand child safe too. Let him go and maybe add video chat to your phone so you can see them.
She kept you alive
Honestly you need to let him go. If your anxiety is preventing him from going to places like that I think perhaps you should get help. I’ve been there. Still am at times, but I’ve learned to let things go.
TELL HER NO
If you are grown enough to have a child you should be grown enough to parent said child
Fears are learned, don’t put that on your baby. Your mom kept you safe and alive so trust that she’ll do the same with him and let them enjoy this outing together
What I would give for my mum to still be alive so that my boys could spend time with their Nana.
I understand anxiety and how you feel but believe me time is precious, parents/grandparents aren’t around forever so allow your son to create memories, one day that’s all he’ll have
Did she take you too the beach ??? Clearly your still around and didn’t drown so what’s the problem
Unless your mom is irresponsible, then let him go. I can completely understand your fears & concerns. However you can’t let it control your life. If you have made up your mind completely as his parent to not let him go, then you should voice it to your mom and she should respect your decision.
Let him go let them make their memories
If I felt that strongly about it I probably would not let her take him. But if I had that much anxiety about drowning and being around water I would for sure make sure I got my son swimming lessons to teach him how to swim asap.
Dont project your anxiety on your son and let him have a day at the beach?
As a parent you should never ignore your instincts, which in this case are telling you not to send your child. Be straight (but polite) with her about where you want your child to be and the places he can or cannot be taken.
It’s ok for you to tell her not to take him. He’s your child.
However, it’s important that you understand what it means to project your fears. It sounds like your fear is more of a phobia. That’s something worth seeking counseling to understand.
I wouldn’t let anyone take my kids to the beach. Or swimming at all actually.
What if you ask your mom to wait until you have a day off, that way you can go with them. You dont have to get in the water, but you can create memories with your mom and child.
Buy him a life jacket and insist that he wear it the entire time he’s at the beach. Tell her he can’t go unless he does. You have a bad feeling about it. I know what people are thinking… but they make kids wear helmets to ride bikes nowadays… why not life jackets at the beach when they don’t know how to swim?
Well, either pay a babysitter that will do what you want, or use grandma for free babysitting and trust her judgment.
my daughters will always let me have my grandchildren for vacations
Bottom line, it’s your kid so you should have final say.
I might do some introspection though as to why you feel so strongly about this.
I understand your fear and your anxiety
But i feel like your child shouldnt miss out on activities because of your fears
If she was irresponsible and careless then say no he is your child.
Tell her you want to be able to share his first time going to the beach and ask her to wait for a time you can go as well. My kids have a rule that the water has to be lower than your knees playing in the water. If they’re younger they have to hold my hand.
Letting him experience water at early age is good for development my girls 5now an a great swimmer
Get him a life jacket,
don’t let your son miss out because of your own fears! Let him go - trust your mother - your still alive arnt you!
Mandate he wears a life jacket the entire time and if you don’t think they will follow that rule NO would be the answer until your able to go with
Let him goooo??? My son spent weeks at a time with his grandma at her beach house and at first I was SO anxious… but now he his an incredibly strong swimmer, spends every day at the river or pool. He’s super healthy and has a great outlet and way to make new friends. I agree with an above commenter, it’s not fair to project our own anxieties on our kids.
How old is your son? Honestly most people don’t even get really deep into the water at the beach cause the water is usually cold I’m guessing he’ll mostly play in the sand & run through the waves. It’s good memories for him.
Well first off how does your mom act with him? Like for example my mom, since my son was born, was saying things like “don’t take your hands off the shopping cart, always keep your eyes on your son, don’t go to the bank once it’s dark” things like that. Too many weirdos. So I know my mom would never let anything happen to my son, I trust her more than anyone else with him. So I would be totally fine if she brought him to the beach.
Get a life jacket? But just be honest with her. My youngest fell in my parents pool last summer. My oldest grabbed her (he was in the pool) and like 30 seconds later my mom dived in. So we now have a rule that if they want to be in the yard they must have jackets on at all times
It depends on where your fear is coming from . 1 is your mum generally irresponsible ?
2 has she taken him out to other places on her own before and they’re s been a safety issue?
3 is your son under 3 years old ?
If the answer is yes to any of these questions I would tactfully ask her to take another adult with her . Although the bottom line is , he’s your child and you say where he goes and with whom xxxx
I also have a fear of drowning. I have to know I can touch the bottom so I get what you are saying
I didnt let my fears stop my kids from the water. I always went with strong swimmers. I taught my kids they dont go near the water without a lifejacket on
At the end of the day you will make the best decision for your child…Are you not wanting him go cause you can’t go or cause of your fears?
You tell her exactly what you just wrote and if she’s a decent mother she will understand and respect your wishes. If she’s anything like my mother she’ll tell you to get over it and not respect your boundaries, which in my case means she won’t be having my child without me again.
Like was said in another comment, let her know you went to share the experience with your son as well. If no money has already been put down on the trip see if they couldn’t ho somewhere else this time. But like another thing that’s also been mentioned, you might want to look into counseling where you can get to the bottom of your fear and maybe be able to comfortably allow your son to hi somewhere like the beach without you and that’s not your first concern
I’m the same I just say no go with anyone to the beach unless I’m there
I completely understand this when we go swimming I’m a nervous wreck cause ever since i can remember ive had dreams of my kids drowning. My oldest can swim really good better than me but my second child can’t. I never get to enjoy it cause I panic over everything. I would talk to you’re mom and explain to her how you feel. Ask her to wait till you can go also and make sure not to make her feel like a bad grandparent.
Don’t ever stop your kids from experiencing things…
Yeah that is a tough one. I have a fear of water and kids too so I completely understand.
Tell her the truth n if she loves n cares she will understand your fears
Be honest and just let her know that you don’t want her to take your son to the beach due to the fear you have.
Tell her the truth I’m sure she will understand….
While I completely understand your fear, as parents we shouldn’t project our fears onto our kids in ways that will make them miss out. In saying that, speak to your mum and ask her to wait for you to be available to come as well so you can be involved
You’re not teaching your kid anything by projecting fear on to them maybe go with them maybe have your child wear a life jacket. Maybe it would help ease your mind if you went the first time around. I’m like that with my kids too but I also have to remember that they have to experience things also and there are safe ways to do things. Just try not to take things away from your kids because of your fears that’s not really fair to them. I feel like there is always a happy medium.
Call off work and go with them .
I will not trust my daughter to anyone to take her to a beach or a water part or anything water related because I know accidents can happen, but is not because I have any fear of “ trauma about it “ so , my point is that if your fears are similar to mines you should talk to her about it and just look for a sitter for that day if she doesn’t want to change her plans , but if your fears are because a bad experience or any kind of trauma that you might have then is not fear for your son to miss out experiences because of your issues
She raised you, took you too the beach… I’m more then sure she’ll keep her grandbaby safe. Make sure you do voice your concers tho, maybe she can reassure you everything will be okay!
I think this is a normal fear as a mom but also a fear you have to face. Let your son have a good time.
Ask for things that’ll make you feel better such as pictures throughout the day or a phone call.
You can say he needs Floaties and has to be holding her hand in the water at all times (idk how old he is)
I had the same fear and I made my kids wear lifejackets at the beach and around pools. My kids became accustomed to it and my parents knew how i felt. Waves can knock littler kids down very easy and cause them to lose control. Sometimes anxiety is exactly what protects us.
The issue you face by not allowing your son to go, is not only your son missing out at the beach, due to your fear, but you have to be careful not to pass on your fear to your son. It’s hard, but your child shouldn’t miss out, due to your own worries and fears.
Make sure your child is wearing a life jacket and stop keeping him from doing fun things because you’re afraid of water. Not that your fear isn’t valid, I share this fear with you. But I’m able to know that this is my personal fear and I can’t project them onto my child and cause him to not be allowed to simply be a child and play like other kids can.
Idc who’s offended when it comes to how I feel about my child.
Unless your mother is the reason that you have anxiety over drowning, try and trust her to look after your son and keep him safe.
As a grandparent I spend alot of time with my grandson he is 10. Free child care and sleepovers twice a month. He goes to his dad’s every other weekend.
I would be heartbroken if my daughter said no, but I would respect her decision.
Just say no
Dont pass your fears to ur children….
Communicate with her. Buy life jackets. Ask her to clearly point out lifeguards to your son and even take your son to the life guards so he knows where to go if he needs help.
If it helps most drownings happen at home swimming pools. Only 3.8 percent of drownings happen at the ocean. Make sure he has some kind of flotation device and set boundaries. Tell your mom not to go past his waste. It is scary, bit like many said don’t project your fears on your baby. Life is a ball of anxiety. You will only hurt your son in the end. I have all kinds of fears when it comes to my kids, but you have to let them evolve and do things.
You should have an open conversation with your mother and express what your fears are and how she can help to ease that anxiety without your son and her missing out on an opportunity to spend quality time together. For example, tell her that he is required to wear a life jacket, and/or he can’t go past his hips in the water, and/or she must be with him the entire time he’s in the water, etc. I have a 12 year old sister (more of a mother/daughter relationship) that I just went through this with. She went to Myrtle beach, which is over 9 hours from where we live and I was an anxious wreck. She’s never been that far away from home without me but I realized that if she didn’t go because of my anxiety, I was causing her to miss out on so many opportunities. Needless to say, we set boundaries, I wanted regular updates, the family she went with respected my concerns and wishes, and she had a wonderful time! Came home safe, sound, and in one piece.
Have that open line of communication with your mother. If she doesn’t respect your wishes/concerns then I wouldn’t let him go. That’s honestly an entirely separate issue absent of your feelings of anxiety. I wouldn’t allow my child with ANY person that doesn’t respect my wishes/concerns/boundaries that I set for MY child. Good luck, momma!
Your child, your decision, respectfully tell her no.
get over it an let him go n have fun. u say u trust ur mom so trust her… dont let ur kid miss out on something cause u have a fear over it.
Your choice and mom will respect that just be honest. We live near a huge gorge filled park. Lots of tourists ce from all over the world to see it and so many accidents have happened. It is a zone I don’t want my kids unless there and it’s rare we go. I told my mom no she understood
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My oldest was almost 2 when my parents asked to take him to Galveston on Vacation. Even though I was super nervous I let him go. He had an amazing time.
I don’t mean this to be rude but you should seek therapy for your anxiety and fears, and do not pass your trauma and fears on to your children, it is not fair to them
Don’t pass your fears to your son as hard as it will be it will be better for him
You can’t project your fears onto your child. Unless your Mom was negligent with you and caused your fears, trust her to be responsible while she has your son in her care.
Your fears shouldn’t be the thing that interferes with your kid living a normal life
Your mom didn’t drown you as a kid, let your mom have her fun with her grandson
If you don’t trust your mother don’t let her babysit.
Your mum kept you alive and safe so why wouldn’t she with your boy
As a nanna I can tell you we guard our grand baby’s tightly x
Put a lifejacket on the kid
OMG, take a valium and chill. Did your Mom let you die?
You might want to hire a sitter for the time she is at the beach. It’s not fair to make her cancel her trip. Of course her feeling may end up being hurt because you didn’t trust her to take him with her and if so you may have to get you a full time babysitter for a little while. But he would be home and not near the water so it might be worth it to you for your peace of mind.
I don’t have your answer but, agree with you. Just in June my used to be neighbor’s 3 yr.old drowned.
Say no because ur anxiety is bad I don’t let my kid go I’m scared of the ocean
As a mother with extreme anxiety. Dont take away from your children because of your fears. Dont teach them to be afraid because you are. its extremely hard but personally I’d let them go. I also have a pretty big fear of body’s of water. I try to get out in the water and im getting better but my husband knows thats his job because I can’t. Maybe have a convo with your mom and ask for pictures throughout that time and to be careful because this is a big fear you have but don’t suffocate them either. Let them enjoy their day:heart: all with love !
I told my Mom and sister no. I want to be with my kids the first time they see the beach…and that is okay!!! I am their mother all my babies have since seen the beach!
I totally get it because I have crazy anxiety especially about my children but as much as it eats me up I had to learn to let them experience things because it’s not fair to let my fears control their lives
Have you taken him to the beach yourself before? If not, maybe that’s why you don’t want your mom to take him- which is completely understandable.
If that’s the case, just tell her “hey, I haven’t taken my son to the beach myself yet and I want to experience that first with him. Can you do another activity with him instead please?”
If that’s not the case, then it’s selfish to not let your mom take him. She’s doing you a favor by watching him for you while you work and she is allowed to take him to the beach and let him have fun.
If you’re really that worried about it, either call in and don’t show up to work or have someone cover for you.
Breath and let him go !
If you trust your mom, let her take him. Don’t project your fears on to your son. Don’t let your fears keep your son from making great memories with his grandma.
Don’t let ur anxiety ruin ur children’s life let them have fun and explore ur mom kept u safe and alive I have anxiety, ptsd the only one I would let my children be with when they were younger and while I was working my mom she took them swimming lots of times and to other places and still till this day my mom takes my youngest to the beach nothing wrong with grandparents having fun with their grandchildren let them have memories as well
Always go with your gut feeling
So you want to punish your child because you have an irrational fear of drowning? If you actually trusted your mom then you would let them go.
You are allowed to say no, for whatever you want. If she’s offended- that’s her issue, not yours. There are a million other fun things she can do with him that won’t have you sweating with anxiety all day. Ask her to wait for when you can come too
I am not a big fan of the ocean/beach. It makes me very nervous- especially for my kids. It’s so easy for them to get sucked in and be gone in a flash. I went to the beach with my husband years ago. We were out a little past the crashing waves swimming. When it was time to come back in he got back to shore easily but I couldn’t get back. The undertow was strong and I couldnt get past the waves fast enough before huge ones would crash on me. It was scary and I was an adult! I haven’t been in the ocean swimming since.
When I was a kid I went for a little walk and disappeared on a beach in another state for hours. Couldn’t find my family again. Cops were called and everything lol
The beach is huge and can be dangerous even for vigilant people. You have to do what you are comfortable with. He will have plenty of opportunities in his life to go to a beach.
Looks like you are still here… looks like your mom knows what she’s doing.
I understand how you feel, I’m that mom. It’s hard but you have to let them have these moments together. Either take the day off work to go with them to be extra eyes and for your peace of mind, or just let them go. Maybe tell your mom how you’re feeling? She might understand and decide to plan for a day you can go too.
I honestly put lifejackets on them with strings so they can’t go everywhere they wish. Thats one of my biggest fears as well, especially with a child
Don’t let your fears ruin their fun. Do get a life jacket or something to put on his arms. Also you may want to go to a therapist about your fears.
Holy this turned into mom shaming by some. Fears of drowning aren’t irrational. It’s actually one of the main CODs for kids under 4yo. If you don’t trust your mom with your kid around water, then reschedule for a time when you can go too.
Get a handle on your anxiety via therapy, so it doesn’t ruin your child’s life. I understand the fear, but projecting that onto your child is 100% not ok. Talk with your mom about your fears, so she can be extra cautious to ease your mind, and tell them to have an amazing time!
if your mom is watching your kid, her grandson, you must trust her, So why can’t she bring him to the beach??? Because you are afraid, he will drown??? If that is the case, wherever he is, he can get hurt or injured, So why not put him into a bubble & you will never have to worry. Get some therapy for yourself
Not too sure why ppl
Are laughing at this one…
I totally get it, my son is 11, and he is not going to the beach with NOONE without me! Everyone in my family would just have to get offended, I have extreme anxiety when it cones to kids around water…because drowning is a mistake you can’t do over! There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling your mom your fear, and I’m sure she will understand, if not that’s not your fault! Speaking from experience, they will get over it!
how old? if boy cant swim send a life jacket
Just say you aren’t comfortable with him going without you…you’re the mom. Your kids your rules,.you don’t need ANY reason
If you don’t feel comfortable you can say no. After you do, go with both of them sometime and try to figure out what makes you so anxious. You can still say no to future trips but hopefully you will be reassured that you can trust your mum to take care of him as you expect her to. Be honest about your expectations. It’s important for everyone.
I totally understand where you’re coming. I would say no.
Best thing to do is not push your fears on other people. Let her take him to the beach. You stay home. Don’t push your fears on your kids.
I don’t understand why everyone is mom shaming her. This is a perfectly normal thing to be anxious about? My kids don’t go to the beach with anyone but me. It’s not “ ruining their fun” it’s safety concerns.