Ever since my fiancé and I got together it’s been nothing but the drama between his ex-wife and his mother hated me for no good reason, I treat his daughter like me own and even let them daddy-daughter time together. His mother said he was too good for me, and he needs to stop playing dad to my children, she’s called me clingy and has talked down on how I have three kids from different men which I believe has nothing to do with anything. His ex-wife doesn’t like me because god knows why but threats to call dcf on me if he daughter ever gets hurt when she’s at my house or if we’re at the park but yet she’ll ask if her daughter can come over when she wants to spend time with her friends. With all of that he’s still trying to make me go to his mothers for thanksgiving and Christmas and yes his ex will be there because it will make his daughter happy when I think we should just have or own thanksgiving and Christmas he can go to his moms to be with them @2 then come home to eat with us @6 and they don’t celebrate Christmas they do it the night before, I’m I wrong for not wanting to go?
If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it!!
I sure as hell wouldn’t be going. No way
Do you for you and yours… nothing wrong with having your own thanksgiving.
When you marry someone you marry their whole family. Compromise and all that… Have your own but im sure his mother will have something to say about that too
Nothing wrong with doing your own thing but if it’s a tradition he’s used to doing, then it may create drama and your guys’s relationship. Choose one Thanksgiving or Christmas and compromise with him by choosing one to spend with his family and one to do on your guys own… When you go there just kill them with kindness.
What do you mean let them have daddy daughter time? Seems there might be something going on not to like for his family. Also thats that girls mom dont like it suck it up or move the hell on.
Nope! F***k that I wouldn’t go.
I have been in similar situations, and I always try to rise above. I would go for the kids. My grandpa always told me “don’t let mean people change your heart” go. Love you man, love your kiddos… And don’t let their negativity change your heart. If they are as bad as you say, youve already won, and that’s why they are mad 🤷 go. And be the bomb ass woman you are!!!
You need to think of your kids and yourself! Holidays are already stressful no need to add extra drama!
No way in hell I’d be going!
Stay home and do something with special with your children
I’d go, but if you each have your own vehicle take your own so if anything is said to you to towards your kids you can leave nothing wrong with have an option that wouldn’t completely ruin their holiday tradition.
I wouldn’t go and I would’ve probably left the relationship because being threatened to have dfcs called would’ve been the last straw for me. Is this what you want your children growing up in? It just sounds really messy. I’m sorry
I’d go and have a sit down with the guys mom. Thats about to be your mother in law, clear things out now and communicate. The ex your going to have to deal with for the rest of your life. Not trying to sound harsh, my family is blended and it was rough at first. If you ignore the problems only get worse, Trust Me. This is your family, you choose them as soon as you said I do.
U may not want to go but u should go for him and the kids. Show em ur not gonna be pushed around and ur here to stay. Hiding from it will just drive a bigger wedge between everybody. If yall could get along itd be better for all the kids involved…
I’m petty i’d go and just ignore them. If they dont like you thats their problem, pretty apparent your fiance likes you and wouldnt be your fiance if he didnt. Momma and babymomma just mad they cant make his choices for him. If they say anything i’d just shrug my shoulders and smile. Like Boo, you dont scare me and could give two shits less about what you have to say. They’re mad their attention is gone is what it is. But this is blantly my own opinion and blantly what I would do, i can kinda be a dick:woman_shrugging:t3:
It’s not worth it
That MIL never gonna change or accept u…and what’s worse hes never going to stand up for u
Ex shouldn’t be there
Yet she is
That wont xhamge
He wants the best of both worlds
Which ur not a priority
Hes a mamas boy
I would go and kill them with kindness. How does she know who the father of your kids are. None of her business… I would go to Thanksgiving or Christmas but not both. Be cheerful for the kids. You might just enjoy your self
I can’t get past you letting him have daddy-daughter time.
Nope you’re not wrong. Before I left my now ex husband I stopped going around any of his toxic family.
You let them have daddy daughter time?? That’s a little controlling…
I can see why they say her to good for you, if he has to have permission from you to be a dad to his kid.
I hope you type that wrong I really do,
But it sounds like drama coming from both sides, and both sides need to grow up, and make an effort .
I would go! Just to be super nice and eat at their souls. 🤷💁
First of all you “let” him have daddy-daughter time? He doesn’t need your permission to spend time with his child. Personally you should go because you’re the bigger person.
Your significant other should be on your side and speaking up for you to his family. If he doesn’t than there is something wrong in your relationship. Every man speaks up for the one he cares about. And no I would not go to his family until they learn to treat you right.
Nothing wrong with ur idea but it might upset him cause in those situations people wanna be with there s/o showing up alone sucks but then again if he aware of his exs threats and his mothers venomous words then well he should be all for ur idea
I wouldn’t go. And if you’re having these issues before you’re even married I would reconsider that too. Just saying
I got into this then go… If u arent happy w it dont go or break up w him if u cant handle it. Been there done it had to for my mans and his kids sake
Nope I wouldn’t want to either
If you plan on staying with him and making a future with him then YES you go. He shouldn’t have to choose between his family or you. It’s the holidays so bite your tongue ignore the drama and smile for your man. Then do your own thing later on together.
Nope. I wouldn’t go. Why would anyone want to go. It’s not healthy, and it wouldn’t be productive
If it doesn’t feel right, don’t go! Your man also needs to defend you if you haven’t done anything wrong.
No not wrong…what’s wrong with your boyfriend for not having your back tho ??? That’s beyond concerning t ha t hes ok with his mom and ex acting that way. I would be gone. Not worth the aggravation and obviously the ex will come before you. This is a glimpse of what’s in store and you guys arent even married yet or have children together.
I think a compromise. You go to either thanksgiving ot Christmas at his mom’s and then stay home for the other. Let him choose which one you go to as a family and stay home for as a family.
I wouldn’t go. I’d have a peaceful happy Thanksgiving at Home with my children! No need to have a crap holiday. Especially when it’s a time to be thankful and joyful. Nope. Wouldn’t even acknowledge they exist that day!
You “let” him have daddy-daughter time? Lmao.
That’s his family and his daughter’s family. They come first for him. If they don’t like you, you can suck it up and be civil for him, or you can stay home but don’t try to control his family holidays. That little girls parents do what makes her happy.
I would never go where I’m not wanted. I’d stay my happy little butt at home and get that online shopping done!
Nope…you have to go! Keep working on building a relationship with her.
Girl you deserve more then this man, his wife and mom are going to give you. I think you should back out💁🏼♀️ oops I mean ex wife😂 cant be too ex if shes around more than you🤷🏼♀️
Hella weird, I wouldn’t be down to go either
Don’t go. Make sure your fíance knows how you feel and why. I was in a similar situation with my MIL. She hated me loved his exgf. She treated me like dirt, I couldn’t do anything right when it came to his daughter from the ex. I was too involved, not involved enough, etc. After I had our daughter, his mom treated her different than her other grandchildren. This caused a lot of issues in my marriage. Finally he stood up to his mom for what she was doing and told her that if she couldnt accept me as his wife and treat our child like her other grandchildren then she had no business being in our life. That was over 8 years ago and we haven’t heard from her since. She would rather not have us at all than accept me. It doesn’t bother us. Her loss.
Good luck!!! Talk the fíance, maybe he can help!! If you do go, just smile and suck it up and dont do anything they can misconstrue as you causing drama.
Wow people I think she meant to say that when his daughter is with them she doesn’t have to be involved in everything they do like if he takes his child to a movie or something not like she allows it Don’t be so critical she’s asking for advice
I understand you completely! But more than likely thats what their after to make ur life hell… Make theirs hell and go with him and put a smile on ur face show them how little u care about what they have to say… because if you show them that you care then they will never stop
I wouldn’t go. I’m a grown woman and I’ll make my own Thanksgiving traditions without toxic people. DON’T GO!
I don’t even need to read the comments. If they are treating you so disrespectful why go? There’s no way. If everyone got along then that would be nice to share the day with everyone including the X. But obviously it’s not. If your BF won’t stand up for you something is terribly wrong.
I say go and suck it up. Make the effort to try and make things better or I’m sorry to say this relationship won’t work out
Look at it from his side of the family’s perspective too. If you have three kids by three different men, they may be afraid that he will be daddy number 4. They may fear that you are not in this relationship for the long haul, due to history tending to repeat itself, and are afraid of he and his daughter getting hurt in the long run. If you are serious about staying for the long haul, then yes…go. Suck it up. They will eventually see that you are in it to stay.
I had the mother in law from you know where , I stopped dealing with her , if I had to see her in passing I was always nice but not fake just respectful, she knew how I felt . You dont have to be treated like that .
If my now ex wanted his mother over , I would go to my friend’s or something while he had her and family over . Hold you head high be respectful and bow out . Being respectful is for yourself not anyone else . If he doesn’t agree then agree to disagree. If that’s not good enough then oh well .
Don’t go if you don’t want to. I know it’s all about the kids, but I would be out on his ex being there! Also if he feels the way you are being treated is no big- you need to check up on that before you get married.
I’d be out of that entire situation so damn fast.
I wouldnt go either. My SO ex wife and i dont have a horrible relationship in fact in the beginning we sortve became friends but she ended up acting shady and trying to cause problems with me, SO, and the kids. Which blew over since it was over a year and a half ago. But we haven’t spoken since and i still wouldnt go to a holiday dinner with her there. I dont like tension and i would feel uncomfortable and want to leave the whole time. Lol but that’s just me 🤷
Hell, Ill take it one step further. Dont go and DONT marry that guy.
His ex and his mother will clearly always come before you. Is that really the life you want to live, forever? Think about it.
Don’t go where you feel unwelcome. The bullying will only continue!
Just end the relationship… no man is worth all that… there is someone else out there better than this for you. Most likely with all this, the relationship will eventually end because of things like this anyhow so just save you both the invested time and part ways. Not worth it at all.
I’d put on my best smile …best attitude and GO and be by his side and let the whole bully act backfire on the ex & mil.
Okay, so you want to run. Their opinions are hurting you and you just do not want to deal. Running is fear and you cannot address this in fear. When someone wrongs you or has an issue you have to address it. Not run Especially when you are not in the wrong. A couple of things why is the ex more important? She is the ex and children can have visits without the adult. She hates you because she still wants him and his mother prefers her to you. They are using the child to stick it to you. I am not certain that this is ever.going t work if you move into marriage. You are already filling parts of the role of wife without the recognition, support oe legality. I’d you were to marry it would get worse especially with him ignoring your feelings and not setting the record straight with his mom and ex. This is problematic because how.manu years should this continue with her being a priority. You have options as time is still left before Christmas/ Thanksgiving you can have a sit down with the mom and him and address concerns. For the most part other people’s opinions about you do not matter but treatment and I Tera tion do3s. Address the issues head.on. Remain your great self and then watch because if.you need further confirmation of his stance. ask him what is he going to do to make you comfortable and respected. Ask why should I go where I am not wanted and be treated poorly. Step the game up and put pressure on him too. Why turmoil. Shucks I would plan Christmas with my family at mymplace maybe if you are.up.to that. Listen the bad behaviour has to stop and his mom cannot hhose who he can be with but he has to support you. Ex does not count
Dont go…if the ex and mil treated you and your kids with respect that would be different…i wouldnt go and if he had respect for you he wouldnt put up with there bs…an ex is an ex for a reason…she needs to get her own life and so does mommy dearest
I wouldnt go. That would make me uncomfortable as well.
Sounds like the mom obviously has a connection with his ex wife and is looking for reasons to hate you…that will go away. The ex will probably always hate you, bitches are petty. But Don’t give his mom more reasons to hate you don’t let the ex win, just go and do whatever it takes to enjoy yourself even if taking stabs back at their smart remarks is how ya do it.
Yes you are wrong be the bigger person
Hell no your not wrong! My husbands family don’t like me and I could care less. My daughter and I will be spending thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. My husband knows he can go to his families and it don’t bother me. I just refuse to be around that type of negativity and my daughter deserves better
Suck it up if you’re in it for the long haul…prove them wrong…i must say you sound like a bit of a control freak yourself…you let them have time?? Be glad you are included…quite honestly just reading between the lines…not sure I’d invite you…be the example and GO!!
I’m not being uncomfortable for anyone sorry I wouldn’t go
I feel like it’s ok to show your child that mom and dad can get along even when they arent together but the Ex coming to xmas is weird. Unless she has no family then maybe I would understand. If you’re not comfortable then dont go but that’s just going to give them more reason to talk smack behind your back. I’d go and be like I’m here and I ain’t going nowhere bitches. That’s just me though.
I’d be afraid they’d poison me
You have your own kids you do Thanksgiving for them. There’s no reason why they should be in a place were people that make you feel uncomfortable, specially were your kids will witness you being disrespected.
Hell if I’m breaking bread with people who disrespect me and don’t even like me. Nope!
You are not wrong, your fiance was supposed to put this to an end longtime ago,go to your parents house with your kids,and your kids from different father’s are non of their business, they are also women and they are not virgins either
Honey he is giving you your place! He wants you there! My MIL and I did not like each other in the beginning but I would still go to family gatherings. I would stay away from your mil and focus on the kids. If all goes well, then great. But if it does not and he does not put them in their place then leave. Your life will be hell. No MIL will be thrilled to hear their son will marry a woman with 3 different baby daddies. You have to really try at least once to get along and show them who you are as a person. If that does not work, then I myself would not put myself nor my three kids through that type of toxic relationship.
Put your foot down now and take turns with your side too. He should talk to them about it and why is the ex-wife even there?
This depends to me. If my fiancé stuck up for me then I’d go for him, because I care a lot about him and would do something like that to make him happy. If he didn’t stick up for me then it would make it harder for me to go. But you know if you don’t go they will probably be talking crap about you and it will validate their feelings about you. As long as it’s not ruining your kids holidays etc then I’d just do it and be the bigger person.
You even let him have alone time with his daughter? What’s wrong with you? Maybe get fixed and not have more kids with more baby daddies
I’m sorry, you LET them do daddy daughter? Lmao who do you think you are? The ring master? He needs to run far away from your dumbass if you even remotely think you’re a good person for LETTING him spend time with HIS child.
The saying is “it is as good as it gets”. Never going to change. It will just go downhill. So my opinion is Thanksgiving (we dont really celebrate that) and Christmas is family time. Your family is your children and your husband / fiance. Spend the time with them. Start your own traditions
Sorry, you ‘let’ them have daddy/daughter time? Fiancee or not, and I’m going to put this as nicely as I can… Who in the hell do you think you are? You aren’t even married yet, and even when you are, you DO NOT have the right to dictate how much time he gets to spend with his own child! Honestly, if you were my fiancee, I’d drop your selfish ass for that line alone!
Dont go anywhere that your kids are not wanted. His kid isnt the only “important” one. So are yours! ! Their happiness matters too !
It doesn’t matter if you want to go or you don’t want to go. You should be doing whatever makes your children happiest, because that’s what he’s doing. And FYI, that’s how you’re supposed to treat your children. After 3 kids, you should already know that. He learned that after just one. Then again, you haven’t learned how to pick a man and you had 3 go’s at that thus far too, so… Maybe don’t have a kid with this one until like, 12… eh, 15 years in. If you don’t have that much time left on your uterus, all the more reason to wait. Regardless, ask your kids what they want to do for the holidays, then put a big fucking smile on, and do whatever tf that is, because they are all that will matter in the end… (which you should already know, because, again, out of the 3 families you made, they’re the only ones who’ve stuck around…)
Wishing you all happy holidays, wherever they take place.
Home with your kids an family let him go to mama’s.
Hell yeah you should go and on top of that you should sit right next to her and smile at her be like what’s up Fam!! don’t be that bashful insecure ass new girlfriend nobody wants to see all that s*** you go up there and you act like you part of that family call his mom’s Mama right in front of her. I’d go and make myself just as comfortable as if I was at my own Mama’s House girl you better listen up!!
Why does his ex wife hate you? Have you tried to coparent with her involved? Invite her to family things if she’s willing and include her in things that our family does. Maybe she feels left out because he has you and a “new” family. That could be part of the drama. You “let them” daddy-daughter time? What is your problem if she is your daughter then you can’t “allow” anything. You should be supportive of him building an ever lasting relationship with his daughter. “Allowing” him to have that time sounds so childish. So what you have kids from different guys, lots of people do anymore. That’s no big deal unless you make it a big deal. He’s your fiance so apparently he doesn’t mind and that’s what matters not what others say. Let her call dcfs…they’ll come to a well child check on all children make sure they have all they need and be done with it. If she continues to call they’ll site her for it. Who cares what his mum thinks? My ex MIL hated me too and to this day never thought I was good enough for him. Turns out she was right, I was and am still too good for him. I didn’t let her bother me though and went to holidays with them to show her I was the better person. She didn’t talk to me much and I’m OK with that. I did it bc the kids benefited from the relationship they had with her and her husband. That meant more to me than her hating me. If she had treated them differently than thats a whole dif story but she didnt. After 4 years of being married to him she never did accept me ha but it’s all good! My kids adore her and her husband even 20 years later. You can do your own holidays and there’s too. A lot of blended families or divorced remarried families split time. It just depends on what you want the outcome to be. You can be supportive of your fiance and his wishes or go against him bc of your feelings. This doesn’t mean your feelings shouldn’t be validated, but hey you signed up for this dating him and now being engaged to him. Even if yall marry, it won’t change. What would you like to see happen? A well rounded blended family or a split family? In the end it’s up to you.
Yes you are wrong… Wrong about many things in this post. And yes 3 children by 3 different men says a lot about you so my guess is there is a reason they dont like you… If you dont want to go fine, dont go, but don’t expect him to cut his time with his family short to come back and have a separate celebration with you and your kids…
Your fiancé needs to man up and stick up for you
I never go any of mine or my kids dad side family either…we had our own in our home for all holidays cause I dont want go lol:joy: atleast less drama…I have 3 driffent dad by my children I dont give a fly fucks what peoples opinions they don’t know us shits apparently tell f them and mind ther own business
Wait…you LET them have daddy daughter time?
She the x shouldnt be going shes not part of that family now
The ex-wife has no business there.
This was my life for 20 years. I was trash to my ex MIL, and the family. My ex never seemed to take up for me other than to say ignore it. 20 years of total hell. Lied to others about me and it was hurtful, never got a break. He loves you and wants you there but the ex w bbn ive is going too far. Make a deal that he stays with you and stops anything that they say to offend you. If he doesnt, I would say leave but that gives them more to fuel for the fire. Try to stay away from those two. Karma will visit them. Instead, just be nice, and act as if they cant irritate you. If your husband isnt taking your side run. No since in living a life like I had to.
He wants you to go because he doesn’t value their opinion of you. He doesn’t view you the way they do. Including you to come is just going to show his family that they need to start respecting you because you are not going anywhere!
Lol you’re marrying into that family that means they’ll be your family and you’ll just have to make it work
Don’t walk away from him if you know he’s your soul mate. But if your not getting that vibe, rrruuuuuuuuunnnnn!!!
u even “let him” daddy-daughter time?? lol! girl if u were my daughter in law i wouldnt like u either😂
,Not at all!! Why should you have your holiday ruined so they have some one to slam!!
Girl, please…you don’t “let” anything.
“Let” him have daddy daughter time struck me as you’re a controlling person. Ex-wife is the mother of your fiancé’s child, she is part of the family whether you like it or not. As for everything else, just seems like they’re concerned about your fiancé and his well being, maybe being a little overprotective. I’m sure they don’t hate you for no reason
I say hell no don’t go!! My step father used to drag my mother, brother and I to his parents house for Thanksgiving every year for 8 years and his family treated us all like the fungus on crap that they stepped in. His daughters were Angel’s and the worst part is my mother always took it and said nothing because it was her husband’s family members and my brother and I were innocent children. He had been divorced for over a year before meeting my mom and they were together for 5 years before they got married. Together for a full 15 miserable years. So don’t put you or your children through that crap. And another point my stepfather never stood up for any of us ever! Stay home!
Nope. Definitely not wrong
I don’t know if we’re allowed to do this but thank you all for the advice, oh and by I let them spend time together I mean when she comes into town he stays at his mom for the weekend so they can have father daughter time and he can focus on her
It’s family, sorry but deal with it.
Go there and be clingy touchy with your hubs loljk oh and give your MIL an expensive gift
I say u should go… pretend u are having the time of ur life. Let them see they can’t intimidate you no matter what they say or do. Just keep smiling and it will drive them crazy.
I am the (ex )dil and I go to all sorts of family functions ,as well as my current in laws etc.im not sure what all the fuss is about ,when you meet /marry someone with kids ,that other parent is always going to be around !(our daughter will be 33next month and we share grandkids ,same on my husband’s side there are often exes and sil and mil and whatever.FAMILY.what a child needs.)