I’d call the child’s dad personally and be honest with them.
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Im with you on this one. The SO needs to get a reality knot jerked in their throat but not at the expense of the kid. It’s a hard situation to be in. Hopefully all works out for you. But I’d talk to the SO and let them know the kid is getting gifts that were already bought at the same time all the other kids get theirs. Can’t make the kid feel left out. The holiday is about giving. Santa comes in many shapes and sizes.
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Could you talk to the kids dad before Christmas? Maybe just explain that you want to respect their beliefs but also want the kid to feel like part of the family and not be excluded. See what they say, at the very least they know you care and are being respectful of their beliefs and feelings.
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They may not have the funds to return the gesture! Rather than say they can’t afford to do the same they figure on skipping. 
Make it from the heart and include them all WITH NO return expectations
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Maybe they low key don’t celebrate Christmas either! Maybe wrap the gifts in a non Christmas paper and say WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!
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Give money or card so the child has his own spending money.
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I would have the stuff put aside and let the parent know that should they change their mind there are gifts available for the child. It’s not on you to feel guilty if they won’t let them participate. Sucks if people are out money but I’m sure they can find somewhere to donate items if necessary.
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I’d wait for the day they come and just speak with your sisters SO. Tell them you bought them gifts but if they’re uncomfortable receiving them, you can return them. Or instead of them being “Christmas gifts”, tell them they are welcoming gifts
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I see a lot of people saying “maybe the parent doesn’t have the money to return the favor and give a gift” but that doesn’t matter. When you have kids, you put your pride aside for them.
Regardless of the reason, it’s your family’s house and your family’s tradition. I’d explain “at our gatherings,we give gifts and we can’t sit by and watch a child have no gifts to open so the kid will be receiving gifts with the other children.” I’ve been to get togethers empty handed because I couldn’t bring a gift and my kids got gifts. It’s awkward but it’s for the kids. There’s no excuse.
If the parent is JW, they shouldn’t be at a Christmas party in the first place,but since you said they celebrate Christmas, that’s probably not the case.
If it’s punishment, your sibling needs to rethink that whole relationship. That’s not okay.
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I’d definitely give the child a gift. Maybe not the SO.
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Your house…your rules! Definitely give the child a gift
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Find out why? Religion, beliefs, even wrapping can be offensive to some
Could you give your sibling the gift before hand so they can open it at home? Or if the mum doesn’t want them to then they can give it back to them to give to you another time so it’s not infront of anyone?
Respect their wishes but also talk to the father explain how you feel and ask again once he gets there
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It’s not up to you. There are people that don’t do gifts on Christmas and you have to respect that, it’s not about what you want or think. They may celebrate their way and it’s not yours. Put the gifts aside and talk to the child’s father when they come and see what he says but if he says no then the answer is no. You have to respect what he says whether you agree or not. There’s no drama to be started unless you start it. Follow a request made by him for his child. It’s not your business on why they want it like that just like it’s not anyones business how you do something. Just listen and respect his wishes.
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Just tell the Sister that they didn’t ask her about getting the child gifts they just got them …so it won’t cause a beef with her and the SO
Maybe some treats would’ve better
Also respect the parents wishes
Maybe you could just say they are party gifts for this poor child and not call them a Christmas present .
Give the kid the gifts. I’d rather the so be mad then the kid be left out
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Maybe they just feel bad bc they cant buy a gift for everyone in ur family and so they dont want to accept gifts either prehaps pull the new guy (dad) aside that day and simply explain u had already bought some stuff and didnt want the new kid to feel left out and hear him out see what his story is and explain if its just a money thing and they couldnt buy for everyone that thats ok maybe hes just nervouse being the new guy and with a kid
Sounds like yall are over stepping boundaries 
I get that it’s a kid and it’s Christmas but if this is how they do it and they have made that clear then yall are stepping over boundaries they put in place
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This is very simple to me. Don’t give 12 y/o the gift and don’t get them one either. They said they don’t do that…and that’s that. This is what they do for whatever reason. Since the kid is 12 I’m sure they are used to being in situations where they watch everybody get gift and they don’t. We see that as crazy and not fair but for whatever reason but they don’t do it and you have to honor that.
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I have a family member who doesn’t allow gifts for their child. It’s not a mean thing or religious based. It’s more of a materialistic belief I guess you’d say. They welcome gifts that are experience based. Some examples are tickets to museums or fun parks, planning trips to movies or out to eat with the person giving the gift. They encourage quality time and learning experiences. This could be a similar case.
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Save it for the child’s birthday?
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I’m all for respecting a person’s wishes when it comes to holidays but I firmly believe that it goes both ways. If they had invited you to their house and said " hey BTW we don’t do gifts so please don’t bring anything" and you brought something anyway and had a “Idc this is what I’m going to do anyway” type attitude, I would be against it. However they’re invited to your house, with your customs and traditions so I feel like they need to respect your beliefs.
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I’d still give the kiddo a gift. I would absolutely hate for all the other kids to be opening things and that kid just sitting there.
Open gifts before they get there
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Perhaps they feel bad that they cannot afford gifts for everyone so they don’t want gifts bought for them.
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Your sister shouldn’t be putting the entire family in this situation. If they refuse to take part in celebrating the holiday, with your family, in the manner in which you traditionally celebrate then she shouldn’t bring them. I’d ask her to talk to her bf and explain to him that gifts have already been bought and she doesn’t want him feeling left out watching the other kids receive gifts.
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Im sorry but every kid deserves gifts at Christmas. They even gave baby Jesus gifts.
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Give the gift anyway.
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So we don’t celebrate christmas or accept Christmas gifts. When we started doing this our families got super pissed and would try and force presents on us instead of respecting our wishes. We don’t buy gifts in return and we don’t need gifts bought for us. We would refuse to accept them or mail them back if they were sent to us. That in itself caused an even bigger scene and attention to the situation. (If your family goes this route, this can be even more mortifying for the 12 year old who is meeting the family for the first time) our families then got creative and started giving us house gifts or Thanksgiving presents bc we would flat out refuse christmas presents. I’d say the gifts aside and talk to your brothers spouse. Get a real feel for the situation from her and then perhaps offer them as welcome to the family gifts, even though that is also awkward.
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Seems like your sibling waited too long to tell the family. They’re already bought so I’d give them.
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Don’t wrap it. Just say oh I thought of you when I seen this.
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Give them the gifts to take home, everyone else can open gifts when they leave ? Tell them the party ends at a certain time because you don’t want to open gifts in front of the child, if he’s not opening gifts?
It could be they don’t have money to buy you guys presents.
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Why not just reach out to your sisters SO say you understand that they don’t do gifts but you’d like to get to know him and the child better offer to take them to the movies, out eat, child’s play place ect.
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Are they jehovah’s witnesses? Cuz that’s what it sounds like. I think it would be fair for the ones who already bought gifts for the kid to say “hey, we didn’t know and we had already got this and it’s now past it’s return date.”
When I brought my 3 year old to SO family Xmas the first year, I was not expecting any gifts at all for him. I was shocked to great grandparents, grandparents, aunts, and others all got him gifts. I was the one that felt horrible because I didn’t bring them each all a gift since I didn’t really know how the Xmas would go. But I felt sooo blessed at the same time because thus family included my son there as if he was blood and that can be Hard to come by. Perhaps he is saying that because he doesn’t want to feel bad he didn’t get everybody a gift or he doesn’t want people to go out of their way for them. 
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Ask the child if they would like a gift.
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I have a good friend who has four children and they are El Salvadorian. They do not give gifts but I always get them a little something anyways. They accept the presents with grace and appreciation.
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My sister is a jehovahs wittness so she doesnt celebrate holidays so when i buy gifts for my nieces i just hold on them and wait until the holidays are over and then give it to them around march as i love you gifts instead of christmas gifts
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Makes me wonder if they don’t like accepting gifts because they feel obligated to give back. I know I certainly would or does this kid have other half siblings and dad said no because of the whole fairness thing. And lastly like you said he would feel soo left out and heart broken if others were unwrapping and he had to sit back and watch. I would def make sure the gift exchange is done before they get there so they don’t feel pressured or rushed to leave
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Could you try talking to your siblings SO to get an idea why this is how they want it. That way you can figure if it’s a tradition/belief of theirs or a financial thing etc. I think that would help you decide what the best decision is.
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I would talk to the siblings SO to see why they don’t do gifts and ask for their suggestions on how things might be done without making the child feel bad for not getting anything.
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Give the presents and even if it is religious based there should still be an understanding that each home holds their own traditions and that’s ok. I had a friend who wasn’t allowed to celebrate with gifts but she still accepted them if people got them for her without knowing because she wasn’t rude.
I think everybody is jumping to really high conclusions instead of just having a mature conversation with the SO. Explain that some people have already bought gifts that are personalized and everything but you guys dont want to be disrespectful or exclude the kid so you would like to see if theres a middle ground you guys can all meet on. I would save the judgment for the answer to this.
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If they don’t want the gift, then you aren’t singling them out. It’s probably a religious or philosophical thing and they’re firmly set on it. Don’t run over their feelings and boundaries. If they say they don’t want the gifts, then respect that! Would you want someone deciding your boundaries or beliefs were invalid just because they don’t agree with you?
Set the gifts aside, ask the 12 yo privately if they in fact do not want the gifts. If they do not, them let it be! Why should it make you uncomfortable?
If it’s simply because it’s for a holiday, POLITELY ask if they would be ok with receiving the gifts on another, non holiday related occasion. If they say yes then great. If they still say no, RESPECT THEIR DECISION. You don’t get to decide what someone else must do just because you already spent money they didn’t ask you to spend. They aren’t crossing your boundaries, they are establishing their own and that is OK.
If kid doesn’t want the gifts for any reason (they are not obligated to explain their reasons to you), then give them to someone else or sell them. Don’t tread all over someone’s personal boundaries. That is disrespectful and a very bad way to conduct yourself, even if they are still a kid. Be respectful.
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Maybe hold the gifts… rewrap …not in Christmas paper…and give as welcome to our family gifts. Have a dinner celebrating the child and his dad. It is probably a religious thing.
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Just write happy birthday on it and call it a day… everyone get her birthday presents😂
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If they come to a family get together than they new about your exchange that’s their option to come , don’t change what your tradition is.
You’re just thinking of yourself. What if the SO can’t afford to give back? Have you thought about that?
Maybe the SO would feel bad to not be able to give back. You think it’s your feelings that are hurt, but it could be the SO too.
If you truly want to gift them something, maybe do it privately or put the gifts in their car so they can open it at their home. They must also feel uncomfortable.
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You respect the parents wishes. Period. Not your child you don’t get to make those decisions for them. Ask what they do uf they don’t exchange gifts and try to be part of that.
Just because you want to give them a gift or think they’ll feel bad doesn’t really mean anything. If they don’t do gifts the kid will think nothing of it.
Everyone here is putting their own feelings on this and frankly they don’t matter.
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Give the gift, the kid obviously can’t afford to buy for everybody. Encourage your sister to make up gift bags with microwave popcorn, hot chocolate, candy (wrap a chocolate bar and decorate it like a snow man) and make a little ornament(movie theater theme ) pass those out.
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Do you have to label the “present” as a christmas present? Maybe for your siblings’ SO 12 yr old, you are giving a gift because you want to give them something special… I mean you all could wrap this kiddos gifts in birthday paper, and say its a belated bday present… I get they dont celebrate… But it doesnt have to be Christmas time to give presents… Maybe that’s the story you stick to… “We are giving you gifts because we want to and your just as special as the other kids and much loved”
I would not do anything that I know would make the child uncomfortable. The kid being left out from getting gifts is on his parent, not you. Now that I think about it, maybe the SO cannot afford to give back, or maybe it is for religious reasons.
Mind yourself and respect their wishes. How hard is that? Geez.
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It’s not a punishment to not do gifts for Christmas. That’s not even what it’s about yet that’s all anyone makes it to be about. Respect their wishes n move on
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Personally i wouldnt leave the child out, doesnt matter what his parents believe, im not making a child feel bad or watch others open presents without them having one. I would buy them something that they can make, art supplies, legos, puzzles, books, small drone, remote control car/truck
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I’d give the child a gift. I mean it’s a child, a little bit of him/herself is going to want one. I have the entire family gift giving tradition in my family and I would give one to the kid. Just maybe not an expensive one. Clothes would be a good option
Give it ahead of time
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When I first got with my SO there was things that his family did that my family didn’t do I was skeptical about it but he told me to just give it a shot I had a 2yo that would have been devastated if he didn’t get anything. To me it sounds like y’all are welcoming them with open arms have your sibling talk to them and let them know what is going on it’s the first year with the family it’s ok not to know how every family does Christmas. I hope y’all find a balance between how y’all do things and how the SO does things
I honestly would give the gifts to your sibling and say we want them to have these. I’m sorry we didn’t know they didn’t exchange gifts but there could be multiple reasoning for not exchanging them, maybe they don’t have the money to buy gifts for your huge family, maybe they don’t want to go through the hassle of trying to figure out what to buy each person that they hardly know. You never know what someone else is thinking or their reason for doing things. To me, everyone should have asked what they’d like for Christmas and they would’ve been told “they aren’t exchanging gifts”
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Donate them to needy children. It’s a win win. A child in need gets the presents and you feel good for helping children in need.
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Respect their wishes. The kid likely grew up this way so it is normal to them. Still do your gift exchange just don’t force it on them. They’re aware it will happen and have declined participation. Idk what the big deal is 
everyone celebrates differently, have a little compassion and learn to compromise.
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Umm if the parents ask you not to give their child a gift shouldn’t u respect the parents wishes?
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One time my aunt in law invited some family and we didnt know they was coming so we all felt bad about it
I wouldn’t leave a child out either
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Avoid drama and don’t go to the Christmas party…stay home and save face…
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Wrap different and say its a welcome to the family gifts
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Could be religious, and to not.honor what the child’s mother, who told her man, your brother, who then told you, said. It would be offensive to “do it anyway.” Respect the mothers wishes, give the gifts to someone else. I wouldn’t want my kid watching everyone else open gifts and get not have anything. That would make me feel sad. So idk why the mother is even putting her child in that situation? Not a good first impression tho I’ll tell you. Like why make this about noticing your child isn’t getting gifts forcing people to ask and therefore draw all the attention to the two of them on a family spent holiday. Seems like some weird shit to me.
Maybe they dont have the money to give this year so they feel bad accepting
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Give the visiting child a gift. The situation is not their fault,and it is Christmas
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Although I find this strange, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and traditions. I think you need to accept the wishes of the parent. How would you feel if you told someone that you didn’t want or like something for your child but they did it anyway. Regardless of what it was?
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Respect them but if you got custom gifts then make an announcement and let them in now that these gifts were bought before being told no gifts…
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Just give the child his gift.
He will love it!
Trust me.
I honestly think the kid is probably used to this, that’s what he knows.
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I’d say just give him the gift if she’s going to come she should participate even if she’s not into it. If not she can just stay home, it makes everyone feel weird so why even go
Buy a gift and don’t wrap it.
If they’re coming into your family then they should get comfortable with YOUR family’s traditions, which is gift giving. Plus your right it’s a 12 yro kid… Any kid would feel a little upset seeing other kid get gifts and not them.
I would tell my sister to talk to their SO and explain that this is something your family does so they should respect your traditions or not come… is harsh but if it’s says before hand
Good luck .
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I agree with respecting boundaries but honesty do people think a child who can’t really rationalize people have different beliefs. Does anyone really think the child will not feel hurt or left out, or maybe even “not good enough” while they’re forced to sit there and watch all these other kids open gifts and play with new toys, the child just has to sit there and watch? I mean that’s pretty shitty of the parents. I don’t care how much they’ve explained their beliefs to the child. They do not rationalize like an adult. They are absolutely going to feel hurt and I’m sure pretty miserable watching every other person in the room open a gift BUT THEM. I mean I was a sensitive child, I could only imagine how hurt I will feel to be force to watch others have fun opening gifts. But be told I wasn’t allowed. I think the parents are pretty selfish to not consider how that could potentially hurt a kids feelings. If you want your views I get that, but maybe STAY HOME and do what you enjoy for Christmas. Instead of singling out your child that won’t understand why they’re not good enough to get gifts too. We do big gift exchanges with my family too we draw names. It’s some of my best childhood memories. I can’t imagine one of us kids being left out.
Call your sibling and ask it’s your kids saying it from what I read
Maybe they can’t afford to buy you guys presents, so they are just saying that they won’t be involved, it’s just an awkward situation all around. I would still have the gifts there rather than letting them sit through a gift exchange and not be involved.
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Is it because they don’t want to or can’t give gifts back maybe? Maybe they can’t and don’t want to make a bad impression by receiving and not giving? I don’t know… just trying to think of some other views…
I would give him the gift anyway.
Maybe they don’t have funds to buy gifts for others so they are requesting no gifts for them to avoid embarrassment for not bringing gifts. Just a thought, but kids are another ballgame, I’m sure the kid would rather get gifts than be left out.
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There are so many people that celebrate Christmas but don’t do gifts. It’s a real thing. They celebrate family and relationships. So many don’t do gifts anymore, they’re anti-consumerism. If that’s what they believe and celebrate you should respect that. It sounds like they just want to spend time with everyone and eat good food. You shouldn’t force your beliefs and traditions on anyone. I’d make the food extra special and make extra goodies and cookies. As for the presents you’ve gotten and can’t return, you can gift them to someone else or donate to the Salvation Army.
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Maybe exchange gifts when SO and child arent there… thats the only way i see it. If hes there, theres no way he’d be the only one im not gifting.
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I can see by reading this
How heartfelt you are about the child …If do
Exactly as your doing but him a gift and give it to him
Get the dirty look it’s for 1 day and it would b worse if u were the only 1 with nothing for him lol… fuck it it’s Christmas 
lol
Keep the gift and just read the situation when it happens.
I couldn’t not give a child a gift if people are opening presents, that does seem cruel.
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I would give the kid a gift anyways. It wouldn’t be fair for the child not to get anything if the other children are. What’s the child supposed to do sit there and watch everyone else get gifts?
Smoke a big spliff it’s Saturday ffs
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They told you how they parent, respect it.
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If they don’t do gifts, respect it. Don’t buy any for them.
As for the rest of the family, they already bought them and if they wanna give them then fine. They just won’t be as respected by the SO and child.
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Unfortunately it’s gonna suck for the child being there and watching everyone receive gifts and not him. Hope you can figure it out.
Id just respect the parents wishes there. How rude to even think or want to go behind the parents wishes and values. Christmas isnt about gifts and you make it all about that…gifts are so showy to you…the carry on because “it was super expensive”… it should be “super thoughtful”… anyways, approach the parents with respect of wishes and courtesy of askimg the dad if its ok to get her a “welcome to the family warming gift” that isnt a x-mas present so as to not be disrespectful to there values but with a touch of cosmos power the ‘welcoming gift’ it just happens to coincide with the day…
Just give them the presents already purchased for them.
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Give the kid the gift. Let them experience new things. Obviously they haven’t yet. Forget what the adults have to say, it’s not their feelings it’s the child’s.
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I’d ask the partner alone quietly if it is ok that you give the gifts as all the other children have them and don’t want to leave his out . Just explain you don’t want or expect anything in return but as they Are now part of the family you don’t want the child to feel left out .
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I can’t see having a kid at a Christmas party and not opening any gifts. We had random foster kids come on Christmas eve and even Christmas day and managed to find something for them to get, even if I changed one of the other kids gifts out for the new kid. We took teen boys, so always bought extra headphones, beanie hats, phone chargers and small stuff that are pretty universal.
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