One of my siblings started seeing someone new. I've only met this person once. They moved in together. Cool, that's none of my business.
Every year we have a big family Christmas get together. My sibling is bringing their new SO and the SO’s 12 year old. I’ve never met this child so I’ve been going off what everyone else has been telling me to get ideas to get this kid a gift (likes families my family has a huge gift exchange we all buy for everyone). Some other family members have already bought gifts and some are even personalized for this kid.
Well, my sibling informed me that this no SO and their child will not be accepting gifts because “they don’t do that”. Oh, they celebrate Christmas, they just don’t exchange gifts. Awesome.
But now, some of these gifts can’t be returned, some were actually expensive. Even still, how are we supposed to let this one child watch literally every other child there recieve gifts and not give this one a gift? Especially when gifts have been bought? I’m not sure what to do. Honestly, I’m buying one anyway. (My sibling begged me not to, which is extremely odd to me). I’m afraid I’ll make this child I don’t even know uncomfortable buy giving them a gift, multiple family members said they will be giving them the gifts they bought anyway.
If it were me and my kid I’d wait to go or leave before hand. It’s a very uncomfortable situation. And honestly I don’t believe they should be putting any of us in this situation.
Before you guys jump in and say they have a right to believe what they want, I know they do. So do we. But I’d never single out a child that way. It’s like some evil form of punishment.
I do know that some people had bought gifts for the new SO and have said they won’t return them. I however have not yet and will not be…not for the SO.
But a kid? What would you do? Single this kid out by not giving them a gift? Or give them one and risk making them uncomfortable? Or having the new SO get mad that you did? I don’t want to cause drama, but I feel like they’ve started this.
That’s a very odd situation… personally I’m like you & would still give the child a gift. I feel like it would be very awkward to have them watch everyone else and have nothing. So, I would give it to him/her, & afterwards I would tell the mom that you know it’s something that they dont do, but most of the gifts were already purchased before finding that out so you apologize if you made them upset or anything.
If you were going to their house, sure. But they are coming to your family Christmas party! They should celebrate with you, how you celebrate. Especially for the kid! You all don’t have to go home with the SO, do your Christmas your way!
Maybe have the child collect everything and have a nice gift bag to put it in and talk to the father that you just wanted the child to feel welcomed and part of the family, you understand that this isn’t how he normally does things but maybe he can figure out a way to get them to the child fitting his ideology
I couldnt leave the kid out either xmas was all about kids in my fam is just how i was brought up, also as a mom i cherish kids happiness too i wouldnt want to leave out i would feel terrible. Someone should give gift card so he/she can get something allowed by fam. Maybe they are poor and just cant exchange gifts?? If thats indeed the case might be a blessing to him. Also maybe dont wrap the gifts already bought
Wrap it in non Christmas decor and give anyways as a “Hi, nice to meet ya” gift then for every gift giving holiday your new tradition can be a gift for “So happy to see you again”
So I would tell them that it’s not an exchange, but rather their Christmas gifts from you. Maybe make it clear that you guys don’t expect a gift in return.
Something should have been said awhile go before people started getting gifts. Id still get a gift and if they want to open it at home then fine but my heart would not let me exclude a child.
Maybe it’s a money issue as to why they don’t do gift exchange.
I personally love to give gifts but receiving a gift makes me feel awkward. I’m very appreciative but it just feels weird accepting gifts.
Does your sibling buy for all the kids in the family? Maybe they feel if they accept the gifts they need to buy for everyone.
I personally would take the gifts to Christmas and give them to the child’s mom let her know how much your family enjoys giving.
When my husband and I got together my son was 5 I felt awful letting him accept gifts from my husbands family because there was no way I could return equal gifts (I was a single mom before).
I would like the gift if I were a kid. I remember all the grandchildren gathering on Christmas at my uncle’s house and they’d be opening up such cool presents but I’d be the only grandkid with no present to open.
Maybe there is more behind why this guy has never gotten the kid gifts. Maybe he can’t really afford them, and so no one gets gifts. It may be kind of nice that the kid gets some gifts from people and the Dad can use the excuse that it is what this family does and accept them to be polite. I’m with you though - I couldn’t leave the kid sitting with no gifts. I would have one and if the Dad flat out denies them once there then that is on him. At least the kid knows you guys weren’t going to leave him out.
I’m giving the kid a gift I understand their feelings but I could never have everyone open gifts while a kid sits their with nothing just watching everyone else open theirs… they shouldn’t go to a xmas party where u know gifts are being exchanged if u cant afford it and then blame others for not wanting to leave a child out
Give them to the kid… if they didn’t want him to have them, they shouldn’t bring him to a Christmas party… It doesn’t make any sense on your sisters part, like why invite them if she knew it wasn’t like that? And if her bf gets offended over that, he’s probably a joy to be around.
That’s a tough one because if I receive a gift, I feel more comfortable having one to give in return. I wouldn’t want them to feel awkward for not bringing anything.
With ur sibling begging u not to get a gift it does sound like it is a punishment. My adopted mom never let anyone get my a gift either for any holiday
Do they not Celebrate Christmas or just the exchange of gifts? Because it’s your house and I would do your normal routine, if they don’t do the exchange don’t come. Just my opinion
What I’d do is when it comes time to exchange gifts if the child looks sad or seems to feel left out bring out the gifts you guys got them, the mother is probably saying it because you guys aren’t the child’s real family she probably feels like if we accept these gifts we’re going to have to buy them gifts and they may not have enough income, id just tell them your not expecting anything in return.
So maybe their religious or personal beliefs come into play here. I grew up with a good friend who was Jehovahs Witness, so no birthday parties presents Christmas etc. So we would just have a day once a year we would all go to this diner behind our school and have a friendship gift exchange. Maybe ask the why behind it? A welcome to the family gift or hey I saw this and thought of you gift was okay with my friends parents.
At 12 the child probably has a bigger understanding, or at least the capacity to understand, that y’all what them to feel included. They are probably fully aware of why their family and father don’t do gifts. Obviously personalized things will be a different situation but if the child doesn’t want to accept the gifts, simply encourage them to participate in the unwrapping so they aren’t left out but that they are welcome to donate the gifts to a local shelter, foster system or other program for less fortunate children.
Give them a Christmas ornament if they do Christmas
Or get them a snack basket of foods they will eat
Encourage them to unwrap but not to feel obligated to keep the gift- chances are they will
Maybe dont wrap the gifts… I agree with you. It will be super awkward and sad to see 1 kiddo sitting out not participating. Or dont wrap in Christmas paper.
Honestly. I agree with you. Yes, 12 is an understanding age, somewhat, but I can’t leave any kid out of something like that. I’d pull your sibling and their SO to the side and let them know you are not purposely trying to disrespect them, yall just didn’t want this kid to he left out.
SO is becoming a part of YOUR family too and attending YOUR families Christmas. Adjustments need to be made by both parties. They have the right to believe whatever they want, But a kid should never be the only child present to not receive a gift! Call them something else like someone else mentioned welcome to the family gifts or nice to meet you gifts, But if that kid hasn’t had a Christmas present in 12 years and your family has personalised gifts for them then give them to the child, At 12 they have a right to choose if they want to be fucking normal with all the other kids instead of Mums beliefs I seriously can not believe this it makes me so mad
My brother and his family does not celebrate Christmas. I’m not allowed to buy my niece or nephew a gift so I just don’t wrap it. I stick them in their mailbox because me and the mom haven’t talked in years
I think they are saying that because the SO may not be able to afford to buy everyone a gift. So to avoid being embarrassed, he is saying that they don’t do that.
Maybe - they aren’t in a position to buy gifts for everyone. Finances could be the culprit. So they just said “ they don’t exchange “. I would 100% bring the gifts.
Is your sibling not buying gifts for any of the other children in your family?
Personally, I think one child but receiving gifts is horrible.
Edited to add… is there a specific reason that they don’t exchange gifts? If it’s monetary, then I understand not buying for the father (he might feel awkward; I would).
If it’s for religious reasons, is it possible for your sister and her new family to come after gift exchange?
Ok just gonna say it if they come over to family’s home where multiple family members and other children are opening gift that’s kids getting his present no matter how mom and dad feel about it they can dog eye me all night that’s what family is for it takes a village but seriously the poor baby I would do it! Not to say mom and dads idea of idealistic gift during Christmas isn’t a good lesson to teach a child can learn in much easier like maybe explain the true meaning of Christmas and watch the cartoon the start with your babies to truly appreciate this beautiful day but don’t take away a children one big joy a year I grew up home to home my entire life and Christmas was very different for myself I watched all the children around me get gifts when I received none and when I did live with my parents they also refused to celebrate Christmas it’s a pegan holiday they said …. as soon as we were gone they celebrate the holiday essentially it was a crap way of not buying Christmas gifts for ten children …. Or holidays decorations I remember my dad smashing a tree I made in elementary because you guessed it no decorations it’s a pegan holiday so basically what I am saying is if you don’t think his mom can keep this whole no Christmas view for the rest of her life give him the gift eventually she will see that it was the right thing to do merry Christmas and good luck lots of egg nog this holiday season
Its the thought that counts your aware they will be there. Purchase what you would like for both. Will she really make a scene,I doubt it. Shes the one that would look bad. Do they not exchange because of financial reasons? Does she know even something so simple as a bag of prezles dipped in chocolate makes a lovely inexpensive gift that can be guven to like 6 people from one bag of candy and pretzels, especially being newly introduced to the family and all. I could not show empty handed.
I wasnt informed a certain person would be attending a family Christmas party and we felt like shit because we had nothing to offer. I now make it a point to keep some stuff on hand unopened for emergency gifts. Kitchen towels, candles, it doesn’t matter its the thought that counts.
I’d stop celebrating a commercialized holiday as it seems you and your family only care about gifts. Isn’t the reason for the season sky daddy? Why is there a Christmas tree? Google it!
I have a few family members that visit us every year at Christmas. They’re Jahova witnesses so they don’t celebrate the holiday, but we always buy the son a gift because we care and it’s awkward to open things in front of them. He gracefully accepts it, but never expected anything. View it in that way.
Christmas is about giving remind her of that and kindly tell her if she’s going to be stuck up and not accept gifts from them for the child perhaps she should do the family a favor and find herself a poor man
Can they afford Christmas? Is that why they don’t do it? I would so get this kid a gift. I have kids this age and I could never fathom leaving them out. They would be crushed.
Something seems off. Are they not wanting gifts because they can’t afford to buy gifts for everyone? I get traditions vary but who would refuse gifts, especially for a child? Something isn’t right.
I guess family could save the gifts for his birthday?
My so had a sister who suddenly changed churches. This new church did not celebrate Christmas. All of us did exchange gifts. When Christmas came this Sister came and brought her children. She came for the sole reason to collect all the gifts that was bought for her two kids. Then she announced to all the other children that the didn’t believe in exchanging Christmas gifts anymore, so they would not be getting any gifts from her children. It was very awkward for everyone, but it was what it was.
My family went to a Christmas family dinner it was the first time we met this side of the family. They exchanged gifts and while I was happy to see what everyone else was getting as they unwrapped. It felt akward, I was 12 understood but that feeling was still there. I hope my two comments can give you just alittle help to avoid hurt feelings from anyone.
If it is not a religious reason for no gifts I would maybe bring them and just pull the parents aside and be like listen we don’t want the child to feel left out. We have these gifts for them. They don’t have to be all wrapped up and don’t make a big deal about it. Maybe explain some people bought before they knew they didn’t want and just let them know there was never any obligation to buy gifts for everyone just want the kids to have a good time.
I think they probably can’t buy gifts for everyone so this makes it easier. Can you speak directly to his SO and explain yall are doing this because you want too and do not expect her to buy anything in return??
Maybe wait until the evening when they leave to exchange gifts. Or schedule a time before or after they arrive. Or just keep the gifts on stand by, if they are not used, there are a lot of places they can donate the gifts to be given to other children.
My guess would he that they are Jehovah’s Witnesses, and they dont celebrate ANY holidays. So. Perhaps that’s why. What I would suggest would be for you to get on the phone or Skype or something (if too far to meet in person) and discuss with your siblings SO Explain that gifts have been bought and personalized and ask if they can instead be called “late birthday gifts” since you didnt get to know the child for their birthday this year. So that way yes theres some awkwardness but the child gets to open gifts and no one is offended or forced into anything. And perhaps it would help you and your family understand why this person has made this decision (because there is likely a legitimate explanation like religion or something of that sort)
Just tell your sibling that, while you respect that the SO and child don’t exchange gifts, thats THEIR tradition. They’re coming into your family and it’s traditions. It would be rude of them to disregard your traditions and expect you to ignore SO and the child. They can compromise or they shouldn’t come, in my opinion
It is quite possible that they are Jehovahs Witnesses as they don’t do do the gift thing. They may just not be telling you that because they don’t feel comfortable at this point telling you and your family that. They can have a dinner that’s okay, just not accept gifts. That’s what I think. Just something to ponder.
I would keep the child’s just in case his father has a change of heart. The other gifts do something creative with them like guess how many in a jar, number on bottom of a plate.
Your sibling needs to tell that kid what their beliefs are in front of you and explain the ENTIRE situation to that kid, I’d feel awful too! Maybe give him the gifts at your house prior to the big exchange
This is uncomfortable I know. But it is their wish. You’re not singling them out. You would be respecting their wishes. I had an employee one time who requested the same. We sat down and I told her how uncomfortable I was celebrating a holiday knowing there was no gift for her. She giggled and said “it’s OK. I understand and I’m OK with it“ Don’t make this a ‘thing’. Life is too dang short. If anything, sit down with the SO and just let them know how it makes you feel.
It could be financially motivated and he may not be able to reciprocate the gift giving for an entire family. While each of you are only buying for 2 more people he would be buying for all of you.
There’s no way a child is coming to my house an Christmas and leaving without a gift! If mom doesn’t want the child receiving gifts then she shouldn’t go to Christmas parties. I feel bad for the kid in that situation.
I understand where you are coming from my boys right now are both 8 years old but two different births first son was born in January and my second was in November I still buy them both birthday gifts to open on each birthday . . .
But what I would try and do is figure out what the child favorite cookie is and make him up some and wrap it up or a more healthy but save for later snack my grandma K used to do this for my brother birthday knowing money was tight on his birthday
Maybe they feel like by receiving gifts that they also are required to give everyone a gift and maybe they can’t afford that. So to avoid awkward feelings they are saying they don’t want anything.
I’d respect their traditions. What you may see as being left out from getting things they may see it as not having to participate in something they don’t believe in. You’re not singling them out by allowing them to follow their own traditions and wishes.
Tell her they can donate the gifts or whatever. But I would tell her she cannot bring a child to a gift exchange party just to have them left out. That’s cruel.
I wouldn’t want to have a child there that wasn’t getting anything. That would truly break my heart. I’d buy him one. Inform your sister that if he comes, he will get presents.
What about buying a new game and playing it with that kiddo in the other room while everyone else opens gifts? It will exclude you from the fun of gift opening but I bet that kid will remember forever!
Personally ur sister should have said something way before hand so that way none of u would be stuck in this situation… give the gift say welcome to the family type deal
Maybe see if you can talk to them yourself before the holiday and explain it’s a tradition everyone wants them to be a part of … instead of waiting til that day and ruining the holiday with arguments… hope it all works out !
I would all still give him your gifts they’re coming into your Xmas household and that’s how you all do Xmas and yes why single a child out I can’t see why dad would be angry by this if its the norm.
I’d just buy the kid a gift but wait to gift it to them. Wait until the day, if on that day their mum/dad says it’s ok then go ahead and gift it to them. If not then hold onto it for a bday pressie
I would try to talk to them. Tell them this is tradition and you feel like you would be leaving the child out with out buying gifts. I would also then make sure that this person knows, gifts have been bought because you didn’t know and with a few weeks until Christmas it wasn’t expected.
Personally I would feel awful and would want to leave the child out. Maybe ask them, what you can do instead next year?
Then why doesn’t the SO and child stay at home? I rather a child not show up then have to watch other children open things. That’s not fair at all. It’s also rude to say we wont be accepting gifts but we do celebrate christmas. No you accept those gifts and say thank you.
This could be for religious reasons
Id talk to your siblings SO and ask. Tell them you feel bad about the situation and dont want the child to feel uncomfortable with everyone else having gifts and not them
Tell them gifts have already been bought and cant be returned…ask if there’s a compromise
We had children at school who didn’t celebrate Christmas for religious reasons but they still received their gift…not wrapped and not presented from santa
Maybe they cant afford gifts for everyone and are embarrassed.
The only person who can answer your questions really is the SO
I would look for other, inexpensive ways to participate with her then but all this advice saying it’s wrong of them, that’s HIS KID, not yours so it’s not your place to tell them they are wrong🤷♀️ Lots of ppl do things I don’t agree with with their kids but I can only raise my own so I keep that to myself. Do handmade stuff or a game she gets to open but stays there, idk lots of options if you think about it rather than thinking this way
then for every gift giving holiday your new tradition can be a gift for “So happy to see you again” 
It doesn’t make any sense on your sisters part, like why invite them if she knew it wasn’t like that? And if her bf gets offended over that, he’s probably a joy to be around. 
but seriously the poor baby I would do it! Not to say mom and dads idea of idealistic gift during Christmas isn’t a good lesson to teach a child can learn in much easier like maybe explain the true meaning of Christmas and watch the cartoon the start with your babies to truly appreciate this beautiful day but don’t take away a children one big joy a year 
I grew up home to home my entire life and Christmas was very different for myself I watched all the children around me get gifts when I received none and when I did live with my parents they also refused to celebrate Christmas it’s a pegan holiday they said ….
as soon as we were gone they celebrate the holiday essentially it was a crap way of not buying Christmas gifts for ten children …. Or holidays decorations I remember my dad smashing a tree I made in elementary because you guessed it no decorations it’s a pegan holiday 
Explain that gifts have been bought and personalized and ask if they can instead be called “late birthday gifts” since you didnt get to know the child for their birthday this year. So that way yes theres some awkwardness but the child gets to open gifts and no one is offended or forced into anything. And perhaps it would help you and your family understand why this person has made this decision (because there is likely a legitimate explanation like religion or something of that sort)
I can’t see why dad would be angry by this if its the norm.