Just be like we were unaware before buying them & give them to them, they can either open them then or wait whatever the SO wants to do, or just talk to the SO personally and explain how y’all feel about it so she knows y’all ain’t tryna over step maybe?
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Give the child gifts as a welcome to the family gift NOT as a Christmas gift. Wrap it in normal wrapping and buy a WELCOME card. Everyone wins. Everyone’s views still stand. You aren’t celebrating Christmas with her. She can open her WELCOME gift when the others open their Christmas gift. You can be respectful and say, “we know y’all don’t do Christmas gifts. That is fine! It’s really not about the gifts anyway, but we did want to welcome you/y’all to the family properly! Do the same for SO. In SO card state you respect the views and you hope they except the Welcome to the family gift. It doesn’t have to be uncomfortable for anyone. Respect each other. If they feel uncomfortable at yalls place and how y’all do things… they have the option to NOT come. Trying to make everyone happy in any situation is to draining on everyone. Do y’all how y’all do y’all. I do disagree with flat out disrespecting another parent and their beliefs/feelings about how they raise their child. No parent would appreciate that. Period. So, they can have welcome gifts. Nobody is left behind and it’s respectful to everyone
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I feel so sad when my kids bring home the goodie bags from school that were for the kids of families that don’t celebrate birthdays and then i ask my kids what was the child doing during the celebration…sitting in the hallway 
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Maybe they can’t afford to buy gifts for everyone 
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Tell your sibling to come over after the gift giving is finished. The gifts can be given as a “welcome to the family” after Christmas.
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Maybe they don’t want to exchange gifts because they can’t afford it and is embarrassed. I’d talk to the SO and explain that gifts have already been bought for the kid and you don’t want him to feel left out. That you respect their decision but money has already been sent and if they still feel the same next year no gifts will be bought and arrangements will be made.
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Just do your thing and not worry about the SO and child. Just hand them the gifts like it’s the most natural thing in the world to do.
They are coming to your house, your rules. It’s not a crime to just give the gifts!
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I’d give the kid gifts anyways
I’d give the gifts anyways. If they can’t afford gifts for others and embarrassed about it, maybe you guys as a family can drop gifts off secretly to their house. (Instead of doing a family swap, as they may feel bad they can’t provide) and if you do it after Christmas it won’t make it seem quite like Christmas gifts. I’d do something like that. It might be odd of them, im not sure if they were always like this, or just suddenly, it’s your family, but they might just be embarrassed they can’t get stuff for the whole family like you guys can.
Take the gift and then play it by ear. If you decide not to give it save it for their birthday.
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So don’t wrap them, give them but not for the holiday but to welcome said child into the family. Offer to let said child leave them at say your parents or whoever they might visit most often to have for when they are there. Like separate it from Christmas entirely, maybe throw in a tiny welcome celebration and neutral wrapping paper and offer the kid their own opportunity to introduce themselves and their interest etc.
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It sounds like you have such a nice family 
this kid sounds very luck.
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Id give them the gift id say oh sorry i already bought it an it was with the others an give the gift sorry not sorry im like you how are ypu supposed to watch thos kid watch everyone else open gifts nope not happening
They didn’t start drama, your making it drama. If that’s how they live I am blown away that you can’t just simply respect that. The kids 12. I bet they’re used to it. Celebrate how you celebrate, and let them do the same. You are rude if you believe you can just do it anyway.
Get the kid a gift card.
Honor the parent’s wished!
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I remember a Christmas when my ex evil step mother gave gifts to her grand children and not to my 4 year old son. It was actually heart wrenching. I would buy one and see what happens. Sometimes adults make decisions without any thought for the children. Maybe next time they will decide not to go because they don’t want to do it. It could also help the child feel more included in the family. Also if you don’t end up giving them to the child maybe you can save it for their Birthday!
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could it be that they can’t afford to buy everyone gifts so have said this .
i would explain that u all buy for the kids and u don’t expect them to buy for anyone 
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They may be saying that because they are worried about not having gifts in return for everyone in your family.
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Can your family just say the gifts are like a way of welcoming them to the family?
I get what you’re saying and it makes sense!
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What we do is exchange names for all the adults and we all buy for the children.
Make a family hamper up with all their gifts in it and hand it to your sibling for him to open and give to them later
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You respect the mother’s boundaries with her child she said no gifts means no gifts.
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Honestly I would have a talk with him. Maybe go out to dinner with him and your sibling or invite them over for dinner before. Ask him how he would like to handle the situation. Explain how it goes, tell him you just don’t want to leave his child out and break their little heart while watching all the other kids open gifts. If he still says no gifts and won’t come up with another way of not having the child watch and get their heart broke then it’s his job to deal with that and Explain why he didn’t want them to have a gift. Keep the gifts and maybe just randomly give them to the child here and there. Like a “I was thinking of you” gift. If he’s ok with that since you’ve already bought them.
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I would buy for the kid full stop I wouldn’t give a monkeys what my brother or sister says I’d be embarrassed if everyone else’s kids are getting given presents I would hate for a kid to be left out xx 
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How about you respect the wishes of the dad and leave it be.
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I would buy the gift. Mum will get over herself, but I would never leave 1 child out of gifts
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Well they’re coming to your families house and that’s what y’all do to celebrate…
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I don’t know maybe they shouldn’t come or maybe just stay for dinner and leave right after. How sad for the kid to sit and watch everyone else get stuff while they get nothing .
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Maybe SO doesn’t have the money to reciprocate and doesn’t want to be embarrassed. I’d hold the gifts on the side and go with the flow.
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Gifts are meant to be given. There doesn’t have to be reciprocity. If your family wants to give the kid gifts the parents should teach them to say thank you
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Maybe a gift card? Or some money
I think it’s quiet sad especially for the child that they do Christmas but won’t accept a present on Christmas. Maybe just give the gift and say (enjoy, it’s Christmas time) that’s also the mother speaking for the child when at 12 the child can say whether she would like the gift or not! Sounds like the mum is being a bit controlling.
My son is 8 and I ask whether he would or wouldn’t like something but a present you definitely ask.
Family cultures are different. If they join your gathering, they should expect gifts from the exchange. When in Rome, blah blah blah. You can just reiterate to the kiddo, Welcome! We’re big into gifts and do this for all the kids here.
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Maybe he just doesn’t want to exchange gifts nothing wrong with a child excepting one I buy extras in case any other kids show up I didn’t know was coming good luck
I would do the gifts. It isn’t their house and isn’t their tradition. I would be uncomfortable not including the child.
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Do it anyway if his SO is uncomfortable with it then he shouldn’t be bringing them since that’s you’re family tradition
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I would just give the gifts. They are coming into your home and the child will feel VERY left out, and it s awful for them. I was that kid, and it hurt so bad. Just because they don’t doesn’t mean other people don’t and if they are joining in on your festivities then they can participate. This isn’t something that is questionable in my opinion, the child will get gifts and the parents can deal with it.
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If the rest of the family are doing it you give him something as well
Uh id still buy a gift… that does seem like cruel and unusual punishment of some type. Maybe ask WHY!? Thats just wrong. Ive been the child at the new familys with no presents (it makes you feel very much awkward). Also the kis is 12. It may be a punishment for something really bad they did. Still dont think it is okay though.
I get that they don’t do that but they also don’t usually go to another person’s house to share a family tradition during the holidays. As they say: when in Rome. I’d tell the kid “everyone else is going to get one so there is no way we were going to leave you out on our first meeting. You don’t have to open it if you don’t want to but it is yours when you’re ready.”
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Y room everyone gets a gift no one gets left out. Now I’d only spend maybe 5 dollars on the father but the child would be getting presents
Im sorry but this is so sad. That child will feel so left out.
My son was 5 years old and i put him in a daycare and Christmas rolled around and the kids exchanged names. And we was ask not to go over 5.00 dollars.
Well, I went to pickup my son.and i ask him what kind of a gift did he get? He started to cry, i ask whats wrong? He handed me a pair of socks. Just plane socks.
!!! My heart was so broken for him. All the other children playing with toys and my son was just setting their holding socks.
Talk to the kid. Ask them what they want!
If it were me I’d tell him I know you don’t do this but we do and if I’m going to be the aunt I can spoil the kid all I want
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Sounds like the parent is basically saying im not buying gifts for anyone …so why even come to a gift exchange.id personally be upset if id already gone out and bought gifts especially personalized ones and am just now after the fact being told that from the parent atleast there will be no appreciation…the child should still get their gifts at this point.I would just maybe pull the parent aside and tell them that gifts were already bought most cant be returned and that you hope that they will be okay with child getting the gifts.
Personally the parent sounds like an a**hole to me
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Fuck that. Buy that child all the gifts 
and look directly into the SO’s eyes while handing the child the gift. I’d stare them down I can’t even lie. Idgaf what they believe. You’re at OUR Christmas and this is what WE do so either leave and don’t come next year OR deal with it. No one said they had to buy anything… but you’re not gonna tell me I have to treat a child like that cause you got some weird belief. Period.
Your sibling, knowing full well they don’t do gift exchange, should have made sure that everyone was aware long before they started buying gifts. Better yet the SO should have not planned on attending and done something special one on one with his child that nite while she attended her family gift exchange
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Have them hidden and see how the child goes
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Have a gift there for the child no matter what. I NEVER buy for a kid and leave one out… especially on Christmas. Have a gift incase let their parent tell them no you cant have it but at least have it there and give it to them. Let the parent see it for themselves
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Jennifer,you sure get your self in volved with the with SOME drama!!
If this kid is joining YOUR family - do what YOUR family does, right?
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Give a gift card,and let it go…
I would speak to the parent of the child now… explain you are only trying to get clarification about the gift giving, so the parents wishes aren’t disrespected however you are concerned the child’s feelings may be hurt. I think the parent will appreciate your effort in this situation to ensure she and her child both are able to enjoy their time with SO and the family.
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Maybe the SO can’t afford to buy everyone a gift
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Wrap in non Christmas paper and say its a gift. No Xmas related at all. Just a thanks for coming to dinner gift.
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First world problems 
it’s a gift, give it or don’t. It’s not this difficult.
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Rich people problems.
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ever think, instead of wrapping the gifts, just give them to this kid ??? So it’s not really a gift, if it’s not wrapped. It’s jsut somethign for the kid
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It’s probably because the SO doesn’t want to have to get anyone a gift in return. Obviously if they celebrate Christmas they get gifts for their kid, she’s just trying to be cheap lol give the kid the presents anyway. It’s your family, at your family’s house, doing your family’s tradition. She can’t just demand you guys not do what you do every year. If she doesn’t like it she can make herself look stupid by rejecting all the gifts while she’s there 
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The SO may very well not be in a financial position to buy for everyone so they were trying to gracefully side step the situation. Obviously, that didn’t work since others have already purchased gifts.
Possibly brainstorm and come up with alternative gift ideas. Like maybe cooking, or volunteering to dress as Santa, or maybe some homemade something.
My gut reaction is this is a money thing and not necessarily that the SO is trying to be cheap. Maybe they can only afford to provide for their child this year. The last couple of years have been really hard on a lot of people.
If it were me, I’d touch base with my sister, explain that the child is getting gifts as a sign of love and welcoming. I would gently ask about the financial side and if the SO is tight on money as iv suspect I would offer to help craft and cover the costs of personalized gifts. Dollar tree is a great place for crafting supplies.
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When We have had kids come to Christmas they are always included. And I know being the odd man out was hard as a kid & even the slightest sobering kind of broke that anxiety and tension.
Get a 15.00 gift card for the kid. She’ll learn to expect it when she goes to a party with a gift exchange. I wouldn’t expect her to give the entire family a gift, esp since the relationship is new. Make sure you kinda make it known so she doesnt feel awkward for not gifting to everyone
OK so their family doesn’t exchange gifts but your family does. So if you get invited to their house, respect their tradition and don’t bring or accept a gift. If they are invited to your house, respect your family tradition and accept a gift.
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Respect what’s been asked , have a spare gift on hand incase they somehow do allow gifts so the kids knows you thought of them . If they dont allow gifts just hold your gift back and dint say anything. Stay out the the middle just go with the flow .
They do celebrate Xmas and are coming to your family for Xmas. Your family give gifts so the kid will get gifts especially when gifts have been bought and cant be returned. Id explain to the mum that gifts have been bought so will be given but in no way does that mean that she has to buy your family a gift. Give the kids gifts, you can’t leave them sat there watching everyone with gifts and them not getting, that’s horrible. If mum’s not happy then that’s tough, if she doesn’t want to do your tradition in your home she doesn’t need to come. She maybe can’t afford to buy gifts and that’s ok, she doesn’t have to but the kid can’t miss out like that
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I think it would be extremely awkward for the child to be around people he doesn’t know on Christmas especially then to not get any gifts and watch other kids open theirs would break my heart!! I think the child will be so happy that you were so thoughtful to get a gift and include him!! Christmas is about giving!! And you and your family are doing just that!! I think its so awesome how much effort you and your siblings are putting in to make this mother and her son feel welcome also maybe the mom is just saying not to get her gifts because she can’t afford to buy for anyone or doesn’t want her new boyfriend’s family to feel obligated to buy gifts for her and her child. Just make sure to tell them you bought them because you wanted to and expect nothing in return besides thank you
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The so is probably just being polite and saying not to buy them gifts because they cant buy a gift for everyone that gives them a gift. It’s probably the reason. Just tell your sibling to tell them that your family wants to do and they don’t expect anything in return. Definitely do not leave a kid out. You’re right about that that would make your family look bad to that person even though they said no gifts to be polite that would be hurtful to see you child left out. Just give them the gifts and don’t make a big deal of it. Are sure they know you don’t expect anything since it’s a lot of ppl to buy for.
Your house your rules. If you wanna give someone a gift. Give it to them. They refuse it. Let them. But you do you!
Maybe they aren’t accepting gifts because they can’t afford to get everyone something in return and they have a hard time feeling like they are on the receiving end of charity? Everyone views things differently from different vantage points. Good luck. Let us know how it turns out
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