When I got married a few years ago, I invited all of my family. But no one came, except my father and step mother. Even though my family lives less than 30 minutes from where I live. It was a very relaxed. We wanted people to come and enjoy themselves, verses making people be uncomfortable or feel they had to dress up. My husband and I had both been married before. So our service was more for enjoyment than for hype. Well my sister got married recently and my ENTIRE family went. It was over 2 hours away from where they live. My aunt, uncle, multiple cousins, their spouses, and all of their kids went as well. Her service was large, expensive, and her first marriage.
Years ago I had a falling out with my step mother and she canât keep her mouth shut (which was part of the reason for the falling out). I am sure she has drug my name through the mud with all of family, without a second thought. I have been told by family members some of the things she says and it makes my blood boil. My aunt and my step mother are close. I feel thatâs the reason the entire family went to my sisterâs wedding and skipped mine. This is a VERY short version of the long story that has unfolded over the last 8 years between my step mother and myself.
I am having trouble letting these feelings of betrayal go and moving on. My family has never been close and Iâve always felt like an outsider. Even though we lived close, I was never invited to any family functions. I donât feel as though I can trust them and I feel as though itâs time to cut them out of my life for good. But is that too drastic? Am I overreacting? Was it an honest mistake? I overthink everything and I may be doing it again. This is something I canât come back from or take back if I do it. Maybe itâs best I just keep my distance and let things fall where they may. Advice?
Hmmm⌠I donât think youâre wrong. Also hereâs the thing WHY would your biological family believe anything your Stepmom said about you? Without first asking you. It seems theyâre in the WRONG for that one. Shame on your Stepmom for trying to create controversy between you and your own family and shame on your family for allowing that.
Your stepmom actually SHOWED UP to your wedding, everyone else made THEIR own decision not to
I would cut out the people that obviously donât care and cut out the toxic stepmom
It sucks, it hurts, and itâs hard not having family but sometimes thatâs whatâs healthy
Im sorry your family practically ghost you. Iâd just cut them off. And if some of your family tries to talk to you ask a few questions as to why they didnât go to your second wedding. Like you didnât even have to dress up. You be strong, I know what itâs like to be a black sheep in the familyâŚ
Love them from a distance, itâs best that way with no drama 
The 1 thing you will never regret walking away from for your own heart is someone that does not love you. You allow God to take control of who is present in your life ⌠he will remove toxic and bring in the sunshine.
Just because someone doesnât have a pure heart of love doesnât make your heart any less loving by walking on. God will guide you to who is good for you and to you. Love attracts love. Hatefullness attracts hatefullness
Walk away. Donât give them anymore of your time, your heart or headspace. Family can be toxic and you are best away from it.
Bin them all! You have your little family, the one you created for yourself 
they are the ones that need your love and attention, the rest have shown their colours and you donât need that negativity in your life! Congrats on getting married by the way 
I wish you many years of happiness
Youâre not sitting them off as theyâve already done that it seems. Youâre just accepting the level of involvement thatâs been chosen by them. They made a choice and while Iâm sure it hurts itâs time to fill your family with people who care about you versus people who are a familial link to you.
By your own admission: second marriage for you, first for your sister. They didnât see it as big a deal as your first which they did apparently come for. Stop being petty.
Did they all go to your first wedding? 
When my son graduated from high school l had an open house and invited all my family including my Mom that didnât drive so unless she came with someone( they all lived about 45 minutes away) she couldnât come. Not one person from my side of the family came. They all had excuses. I have since quit going to anything graduations or weddings for any of them but just send a card. We only got together at Christmas for my Mom but since she just passed in Mayđ˘ we probably wonât no more. I donât have time for people in my life that donât have time for me.
It wasnât a mistake that they didnât come 
Sounds like theyâve already done that. So stop worrying about them. Theyâre not worried about you.
My dadâs side of the family except for my cousin youngest cousin on that side is very toxic too & always made myself, little sister, mom & dad (while he was alive, sadly he committed suicide) feel like outsiders & treated us like they were sooooo much better than us & a few months back, because of shit our grandma said to little sis, my sis & I full out blocked them all on everything, even in our phones but honestly, Iâve personally felt so much more at peace & way less stressed since. It sucks hardcore when family members become/are toxic but in the end youâll be doing yourself a huge favour. Hope everything gets better for u somehow
sounds like they have already cut you out of the family
Honestly, without knowing the whole story, I wouldnât necessarily cut them out. I wouldnât go out of my way to involve then either. Donât go out of your way to extend invites to events your having. If you happen to speak to one, and it comes up, they can come if they want to, but they donât have to, kind of thing. Match their energy, so to speak.
I totally see where your coming from as my mother, sister and I are the black sheepâs of all sides of family. I invited to everyone to baby showers, wedding, birthdays etc. I love having parties but they never came. For my wedding everyone said they were going ($25 a plate for catering) and no one showed up. Iâve just accepted the fact that they will never involve us and left it at that. You donât need to say anything. Just accept and move on. Unfortunately on top of no family I also have a narssacistic mother so thatâs great too. Just do whatâs best for you, it might hurt to accept that this is how it is but itâs better to just move on. 
I just got married the 25th & I feel this a little bit. Iâm just staying to myself lately. Regardless, we all had a great time.
You want to blame them not showing up on the stepmom that you say trashed you to the family. The trash talking stepmom however took time out of her day to attend while the others didnât. You also state you have never been close to your family but are mad because they didnât show up. why invite someone youâre not close to to any gathering of yours. Except the fact that they are not that into you and stop comparing yourself to other people and what someone does for them. You on here stewing about what they did to you and they donât give a ratâs ass about you or what you feel. Stepmom donât deserve the blame hereâŚ
Go where the love is
Girl same. Except itâs my grandma, not my stepmother. Itâs hell. Cut ties, or youâll drive yourself insane feeling lesser than. Itâs their loss
You canât force people to be in your life. - not saying your trying too. Over the years I have realized I can make the invitation and then itâs out of my controlâŚ. I have also realized that I really donât want to be involved with people who donât want to be involved with me. I give what I getâŚ. Has brought me a lot of peace! Good luck!
If people gave off a deadly radiation when they were displaying toxic behaviors Everyone would avoid them and not second guess themselves. Go NC with the toxic people and enjoy your life. It all goes by so quickly, good luckđ
You had a first wedding. Donât expect ppl to attend all your weddings. If ur not feeling them âŚlet them go
My mother-in-law literally planned her class reunion for the same day of my wedding and asked me to change my wedding date. She lives in the same town as us and did not attend our wedding. My father-in-law on other hand flew in from another state, and still planned the rehearsal dinner. How people respond and show up is truly a reflection of how they feel about you. Youâre the only one that will know if itâs an overreaction to completely cut them out. My children are getting older now and have asked me why I didnât let them know how toxic their family is.
Just bc theyâre family doesnât mean youâre obligated to keep them in your life. I cut out my dads entire side and part of my moms just bc theyâre so toxic and itâs not worth your peace and happiness. Sounds like theyâre gonna talk crap no matter what. Go enjoy YOUR life free from all the BS - it truly is freeing.
You had a wedding in the middle of a pandemic and then your sister got married recently so I mean if your family didnât come to your wedding then thatâs completely understandable because YOU and your family were in the middle of a pandemic. At this point youâre a full grown adult that is fully capable of expressing how you feel and how that situation made you feel to your family. And you made the statement that you and your husband had previous marriages so this wedding was just for enjoyment so youâre contradicting yourselfâŚ
I say keep your distance and let the cards fall how they want too
You donât have to CUT YOUR TIES. Just go on living your life. Donât invite any of them or try to contact them. Have a good and peaceful life
You donât have to âcut your tiesâ because there are no ties to cut. You have no control over other peopleâs actionsâŚbut you absolutely can control how you respond and how many times you set yourself up to be hurt. The simple truth is that you have a new husbandâŚthat means you have a chance to build a life as a new familyâŚone thatâs handpicked by you.
To be honest, if your family cared a lick your step mom wouldnât be able to drag your name. My family would never fall for it much less allow it. They didnât show for another reason, Iâd find out what it is.
Create a mew family of friends who love you and treat you right. People generally act badly because they hate themselves and then work to make everyone else miserable. Feel sorry for your mother in law because clearly sheâs miserable and always will be without therapy and hard work.
âLiving well is the best revenge.â Be happy and surround yourself with joy. I have a very small bio family but loving friends of my parents all became âauntsâ and âuncles.â My children also have many ârelativesâ who arenât related, even though their dad has a large extended family. My friendâs grandchildren call me âGrammy Pammy.â The love between us is real as can be.
But do get therapy to see if there are other explanations, to help you heal, and to learn how to let go. Itâll help. Weâre all flawed human beings.
Time to not speak to your step mom and just cut everyone else off.
Keep your distanceâŚwork on you and yoursâŚwork on your overthinking. Leave the ball in their courtâŚand live your best life.
Sometimes the signs are so big and loud that we say no way, that canât be. Find a new family that will love and support your family. Theyâve ostracized you and left you off the invite list. Do the same for them. It will hurt and be painful but in time you will find peace.
You dont have a prayer of rewriting history if your shit talking stepmother is editor of the newspaper, you do you and let karma sort it out - take the high road
Family is who you choose and who shows up for you. Iâm so sorry no one showed up for your special day. Thatâs heartbreaking. People have a way of showing you their priorities and where their loyalties are. Youâve been shown where you stand. Believe it at face value and create the appropriate boundaries that protect your heart and soul. We have a lot of chosen family in our lives, and a lot of blood relatives we donât speak to. Since creating these boundaries our lives have been much more peaceful and loving. I wish you healing.
You got into it with your stepmom but she came to your wedding?
Young one - do what makes you happy. Also - you need to divide and conquer- that sounds bad but I donât mean it that way - approach each individual-separately- and not all in one day/week. These feelings between you have taken years to form - it may take years to develop in a good way. Communication kiddo. Listen to their feelings too. This way you can learn what you may need to do. Itâs a two street sweetie-
If yâall were never close then why do you want them to have a bond now. You know what you do and if someone (your step-mother) can influence the rest of your family that way then just let it be. There is no need to try and explain yourself and if they really knew you then they would not believe the lies that are being thrown around. Speak to them as needed and invite them to your events if they come great if they donât great. Donât try to force things but also donât leave them out and at that point the ball is in their court⌠live your life be happyâŚwhatever the outcome
Living well ( without them) is indeed the best revenge.
Time to let your family go. No need to keep toxic members around. I donât speak to a single family member except my mom periodically. Absolutely no regrets.
Call Dad or keep in touch with him. Not necessarily your step mom. Ask to have lunch with him or to meet at the park with the kids. Iâm sure your children will benefit. He wants you in his life or he would not have gone. Call them one by one and talk to them about your relationship with them. Send them Christmas cards. You can prove her wring by being kind and send birthday cards as well. Let them know how much you care for them. God bless you. 
Keeping your life private and moving forward is all that matters, who wants to be there will. Who doesnât says everything. Live a full life and donât worry about living rent free in others heads, we all do. Itâs their problem. You donât have to inform them of your day to day life, itâs your business hun
If they never invited you to family functions and allowed you to feel like an outsider then whatever your step mom is saying is just fuel to the already burning fire tbh. Family shouldnât treat you like an outcast or not include you in family thingsâŚreal family doesnât do that type of shit no matter what anybody else is saying. Iâm sry I know it hurts so fucking bad bc Iâve dealt with it a little myself and even tho it hasnât been this extreme yet it still breaks my heart. Thatâs not your true family thoâŚjust bc they are your blood doesnât mean they are your family. Society hasnât normalized that yet and especially here in the south where family is supposed to be everything itâs a hard thing to accept and learn to be ok with but it doesnât mean itâs not true! Family loves you, supports you, includes you, celebrates you etc. If all these ppl are doing is excluding you and making you feel bad and you canât trust them then wipe your hands as much a possible. Thatâs extremely toxic and nobody deserves that. They might be your âfamilyâ by blood but they arenât your family in your heart or âyour tribeâ so work on spending less time thinking about them and being hurt and more time finding those ppl in your life who love you unconditionally, include you, celebrate you and show up for youâŚthose ppl are your family! However if you did do something to cause them to act this way towards you (even if you donât admit you know in your heart if you did or didnât) then you need to do what is right and try to fix it bc youâll get nowhere playing the victim. If it is strictly your step mother causing this then ask to get together with your family or have a more respected family member get them together on your behalf and yâall hash it out your step mom included. Itâll be hard and wonât be pretty but some truth will come to light and hopefully it will put and end to the nonsense or give you closure. Good luckâŚfamily can be difficult and messy and sometimes flat out not worth the hurt or energy but only you can decide that.
Your own Bottom Line is what you should do. Maybe ONE relative could tell you Honestly if maybe Youâre the â cause â of the alienation. Iâm kinda getting a vibe of my that.
When my husband & I got married we invited both sides, we lived literally 10 minutes from both of our parents & nobody showed up.
That was our sign, be happy & move on.
Cut them off. You wonât regret it and it sounds like theyâll hardly notice.
My advice even though it hurts you gotta move on and be happy in your own life. I had a huge falling out with my mom and now Iâm the bad person. I donât get invites, my siblings are cordial in public or at events that I miraculously get invited to but we donât speak outside of those times. My grandma and a few cousins have a relationship with me. It may hurt but stop dwelling on it. I just do more things with my husband,my in-laws, my children and grandchildren.
This confuses me. You are mad at your stepmother for the rest of your family not showing up to your wedding but going to your sisters wedding?
Devils advocate here but maybe just maybe the problem isnât necessarily the step mom.
They can only hurt you if you let them dont let it bother you let it go and go on with your life and be happy with the family that you have made.
Toxic is toxic family or not.