I feel alienated and shunned by my family

When I got married a few years ago, I invited all of my family. But no one came, except my father and step mother. Even though my family lives less than 30 minutes from where I live. It was a very relaxed. We wanted people to come and enjoy themselves, verses making people be uncomfortable or feel they had to dress up. My husband and I had both been married before. So our service was more for enjoyment than for hype. Well my sister got married recently and my ENTIRE family went. It was over 2 hours away from where they live. My aunt, uncle, multiple cousins, their spouses, and all of their kids went as well. Her service was large, expensive, and her first marriage.
Years ago I had a falling out with my step mother and she can’t keep her mouth shut (which was part of the reason for the falling out). I am sure she has drug my name through the mud with all of family, without a second thought. I have been told by family members some of the things she says and it makes my blood boil. My aunt and my step mother are close. I feel that’s the reason the entire family went to my sister’s wedding and skipped mine. This is a VERY short version of the long story that has unfolded over the last 8 years between my step mother and myself.
I am having trouble letting these feelings of betrayal go and moving on. My family has never been close and I’ve always felt like an outsider. Even though we lived close, I was never invited to any family functions. I don’t feel as though I can trust them and I feel as though it’s time to cut them out of my life for good. But is that too drastic? Am I overreacting? Was it an honest mistake? I overthink everything and I may be doing it again. This is something I can’t come back from or take back if I do it. Maybe it’s best I just keep my distance and let things fall where they may. Advice?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel alienated and shunned by my family

Just go on with your life and not worry about everyone else. Constantly worrying about what everyone else’s opinions is only going to make your life miserable. They already showed you where they want to be in your life. Move on and make a happy life without them.

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I am currently in the a similar situation. My husband and I don’t fit in with either of out families. Since we got married 7 1/2 years ago, we have always been treated like the black sheep. When brought to attention, we were the bad guys. We are at a point of feeling at a loss. You can only do so much until it no longer serves you and only hurts you. Family is not the blood you share but whom you share life with. Im so sorry you are having to go through such a terrible heartbreak. Don’t let them get you down. Some people won’t like you, thats ok. Find the ones that do! :blue_heart::blue_heart::hugs::hugs:

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They aren’t bothered otherwise they would have attended and would be in your daily life. If you don’t let it go and move on from them, the only person who will keep hurting is you, and that’s a waste of your own time. Enjoy life without them, if they wanted to be in your life they will soon contact you, if they don’t then you know where you stand xx

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People do what pleases and satisfies them most. Do what will make you happiest. At the end of the day, trying understand why some people do what they do is a very wasteful exercise. There is no comparison between you and your sister. You are two individuals and why they went to her wedding might be completely different to why they chose not to come to your wedding. Find the people who will love and support you and stick to them. Let’s not focus on those who don’t even show any love

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They may be blood but a real family doesn’t treat their family members with bias disrespect. If they cause you unnecessary drama and pain, they don’t need to be in your life :woman_shrugging::ok_hand:

All you can do for them is Pray & leave it alone.If they want to be in your life they will. If Not oh well you tried.No sense stressing over them.Enjoy the loved ones you do have & stop worrying about those who do not care about you.

I’m right there with you. I get married this Halloween & ONLY my sister is coming from my side of the family. I have close friends coming though, and i see it as a blessing. My actual biological mom is trying to deter my sis from coming now. I just hope she isn’t successful. It’s the only family of mine coming.
I would cut that family off if they want to be like that. That’s what I’m doing.

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Be so focused on making your life the best possible and don’t look back! Be so focused you won’t even see them begging for your attention 5 years from now! Because if they aren’t their in your worst they do not deserve you in your best!

Just be happy with your husband and don’t worry about anything or anyone else!! Enjoy your life with him.

I have a toxic family like that with sisters that cause so much drama it’s so ridiculous. It gets tiring and old trying to mend broken relationships that keep failing and backfires in your face it’s so mentally exhausting… it’s disappointing and upsetting but there’s honestly nothing you can do besides just live your life. You can love your family but from a distance. Keep to yourself. That’s what I do. Ive given up and shut a lot of people out of my life for sake of my sanity. Just dont got time for it anymore. I care about my family. I always want to see them eat… just not at my table.

To be honest, you are way too sensitive. You get way too offended easily. Just move on and quit worrying about it. He wants the same way too insecure. You’re the one cheese in the hold a grudge or me mad over it. They are not holding a grudge like you are.

Them people ain’t worth it. Let them do what they do. If they reach out just be professional, treat they ass like a coworker, don’t take them serious. Keep them at a distance. You might wanna use them one day.

Some things just have to expire,…but, just before you do…talk to them, see if they feel that way also…

Just let it go and live your life without them.

Honestly just cut them out of your life. Blood isn’t family when it’s toxic. I’ve lived years with out my family. Some by choice others not so much and I miss some dearly, but focus on your family you have now and live the best life you can.

Family can be some of the most toxic people. Honestly, cut them out of your life and move on. Don’t dwell on it

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Do u ! Ignore them for awhile for your own mental health. In that I mean ignore their calls /texts or take their calls/texts as u feel but ignore your worries of them for awhile . I have a similar situation 20 miles away from me and I helped raise my siblings … I barely exist to them my dad and grandparents if at all and I have 7 children so much easier to have them visit me . Ur not an outcast , ur a survivor:) You don’t need people “family” or not around u that u Gota force to be there . Better off ! Don’t hold a grudge but draw boundary lines and don’t make them a priority when they suddenly show up . Ur important too. But have a kind and open heart … totally possible it wasn’t meant to be vindictive. Maybe it was done to keep the peace and not let your day get ruined :woman_shrugging:t3: :heart:

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Worry only about your own family :family_man_woman_boy:. Don’t say anything, just keep away and ignore whatever they gossip about you. Your priority is the happiness of own family :+1::+1:

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I would keep distance. No sense in trying hard for something they don’t want. Wish them well and let them all be. You’re married now so make better family memories and leave them all to their own lives. The farther away the less they can talk about you.

Stop worrying about the bio family I know this is hard and it hurts but they are making that choice and it is there lose not yours keep in mind family does not have to be blood relatives create your own family with your husband his relatives and your friends you need to be with people that love and respect you those who do not they do not need to be present in your life dragging you down making you feel unworthy because you are worthy of love and happiness

I feel for you on this. I don’t think you are being dramatic. My son rarely sees his one side of the family. It’s bothered me a lot, but honestly their loss, not his.

they seem to be toxic people , i know it is very hard to let go of family ties but it doesnt seem to bother them i think you should concentrate on making good memories of your own without them they are certainly a source of pain . move on

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Blood doesnt mean shit.
If they mess with your head and happiness. Cut them off. Focus on yours.
Might be a breath of fresh air not having to worry about them.

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Let things be & let go of them. If they want to be in your life, let them reach out to you & take it from there. Let it go and concentrate on taking care of your own family.

Do the old Irish goodbye and stick to you and your hubby. Blood means nothing. YOU CAN PICK AND CHOOSE WHO IS YOUR FAMILY. No one deserves an explanation.

Kick them to the curb and move on. Find happiness in your life without them. It’s what I did and I have a lot less stress now!

I agree with you to let it go and it will work out on its own in its own time. Saying anything now would serve no purpose except to cause hard feelings and accusations or lame excuses and serve to make you look petty or jealous. Cut the cord and move forward on your own terms and enjoy the freedom you will gain.

They have already ’ let you go…so move on…

I have learned over the years to not push myself on people who do not want me. That is family and so called friends. It just isn’t worth it. Every time you try to reach out they will disappoint you. I say that they all have shown over the years that they really don’t care about you and you should stop trying and completely cut them off. I did it with a lot of my family and it felt very freeing. Try and focus on the people that do care about you and value you as a person. Yes it will make you sad sometimes but know your worth. Is it worth it to keep pushing yourself on people who could care less? Is it worth it to let them upset you so much? Focus on your husband and your new life with him and forget everyone else that doesn’t care about you.

Fuck family! I just went through the motions until I was old enough to drop out!