I feel bad moving my kids away from my ex: Advice?

Some. States restrict the distance you can move . If over certain distance you are required to support ALL transportation for visits

I moved from Cali to MI , at the end of the day I did what’s best for my kids and we’re thriving. That’s all that matters. If he cares he’ll follow but you do what’s best for the kids

Do what YOU have to do to make sure that your kids are in a good environment,. It’s all just another stepping stone. A tactical retreat can be a good thing. Go be with your family. If he wasn’t trying to keep y’all together give him time to realize what is missing.

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Your kids will adjust, it maybe tough at first, its cars, trains, planes, and busses. If its not a healthy relationship its not good you stay. That can damage your children. They can still very much have a relationship with their dad without you staying being disrespected. He carrying on like he single. Id be gone

If he’s not answering your calls and texts, rightly so, probably has a lawyer .
Yes you are a real shit for moving the kids away from their Dad, but you’ll disagree and call me a heartless bitch :woman_shrugging:t3:
Carry on and don’t forget you asked for advice .

Girl, go home. He can still be an active part of their lives and y’all come to an agreement on traveling for holidays and weekends and whatnot. Go home, be supported and be happy with the babies, they’ll adjust and so will he.

It is absolutely not illegal to move your children, unless the other parent files a complaint as long as you let them know, once you have been in another state for six months that is your legal jurisdiction with the children. This is coming from seven years of experience of my children being abandoned by their father and me moving on

So the kids lose their support system aswell as go through a parents split … have to change schools and move to where they know Noone ? Because the mother wants to run away instead of getting on with life ??
Not one person is thinking of those kids

Legally you probably won’t be allowed to leave the province without getting it in writing and notarized

I live in Texas when my son was 4 months old me and his dad split because of abuse,his dad using drugs/spending money on drugs before our sons needs,and basically him not doing anything to help take care of our son…6 months later I moved to AR(moved back to texas a year ago). I spent months talking to lawyers and doing research to make sure I could move without telling him. The law here says even if he is on the birth certificate and signed the acknowledgment of paternity he basically has no rights until a court gives it to him. But that I had to at least tell him and make him aware. Arkansas is the same way. But they are both mother states were a father doesn’t really have any rights until given by the court.

In some cases that’s great…cases like abuse or where the children are being put in a situation they dont need to be in. In other cases this is pretty fucked up.

Look into your state laws. In some states as long as yall weren’t married you can. This is mainly in mother states. In other states even if yall weren’t married you can’t just up and leave without his permission or a court order.

If you are moving out of state and he is recognized legally as their dad and has joint custody you need the courts permission. If he doesn’t have joint custody legally you can. When my granddaughter’s mother was going to do that when they broke up she needed his permission. Which he was not going to allow it. His kids are his life. My son and his daughters are very close and never wanted to leave when they spent weekends with us. Which she didn’t end up leaving and stayed. She realized she didn’t want to do that to either of them. I raised my son as a single mother. Know matter if my husband cheated and chose his addictions over his family was between us. I never ever would do that to my son or their dad. My son’s dad was never in his life growing up and never made an effort. I never got a dime in child support. But I had a good paying job. My son forgave him when he turned 21 he is now 34. They are now best friends. Actually I celebrate all the holidays with his father and new girlfriend and my grandchildren. But you just can’t do that unless it is through the courts. And who cares if a girl answers the phone. It is between you and the father of your kids. It has nothing to do with her. I know it hurts but it is not about you and him. Its about the kids. If your moving because of financial help. The state offers help for single parents. If your family wants to help you have them send you money. Get a job and move on. There is a reason your not together. Maybe it was best for the kids. It has only been a few days. Maybe he needs space from all the drama and doesn’t want to talk right now because if he ask to talk to the kids you will start with what is going on between the both of you and doesn’t want to deal with that right now. But don’t say he doesn’t care about his kids. Honestly I have a problem when girls say dads don’t care when they don’t want to talk to their kids. You have no idea what a guy is thinking. A woman should never depend on a guy anyway. Believe me there are a lot of single mothers that have gone through the same thing and they survived. Just because your relationship is over if that is the case. Doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. It may hurt but it shouldn’t define you. Be a strong and independent woman not just for your kids but for yourself.

I did it two years ago and it shows who the real parents are I meant the kids are gonna miss the person you just have to stick it out for you and your family

You should write him an email of your intentions to move. Give him 30 days to respond. If he doesn’t, I’d say it’s safe to assume he’s in agreement. 🤷

If he has custody as well you shouldn’t, could get you into a lot of legal troubles

Umm…so you saying there’s “nothing for you here” is a load of shit!
Your kids FATHER is there woman!

Deadset get it together and understand this right here : YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE THOSE KIDS AWAY FROM THEIR DAD.

And someone who does what your doing has no problem with cherry picking the facts to seek out cheap validation from Facebook groups.

Parental alienation is disgusting

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I would just focus on what is best for you and your kids don’t worry about him he’ll make due

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Move… do whats best for you and the kids

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U do what’s best for for u n ur children. He can make arrangements to see them.

Maybe work something out like summers with him or school with him :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Do what’s best for your KIDS that’s all I have to say, you’ll decide what’s best for them

Leave he can follow, how old are ur kids

Girl bye go where you need to go to be happy. Kids are resilient. As long as you’re not the one being an ass and keeping communication open youre fine

Just go on a "vacation " lol

Just move! It will work out!

Ten years of being with this guy and you don’t have his folk’s number?

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If he wants to see the kids. He has to pay half the fair. Bus ,gas plane. Also need a court order to leave state. Sounds like he moved on. So you move on.

Leave and don’t look back

Blessing in disguise for all.

You have to do what’s best for you and if moving provides you the support you need than your kids will understand as your older. And as long as you can coparent with your BD than things should be fine. Allow them to visit him and vise versus. Switch holidays etc. being a bitter BM will only hurt the children and that’s not fair for anyone. As far as the other woman, to be fair you two are not together and he met her when y’all were already separated so as much as it hurts he didn’t do anything wrong and it wouldn’t be right to use that against him. I’m with someone who has kids with someone else and let me tell you it’s hard but doable. Unfortunately his BM is unbelievable bitter and he doesn’t get as much time with the kids. It hurts us all. And it’s the last thing I would want for any family to go through so I wish you the best!

I was court ordered to keep my children in the state we lived in, if I took them out of the state my ex would get custody. Personally speak to a lawyer before you do anything.

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You and your kids are better off leaving him tell your kids he’s a pos and with another woman

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You have to do whats best for you and the children in the long run. If you stay there and he decides he doesnt help you with the kids and such who is gonna help you? You arent stopping him from seeing the kids on holidays and such

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel bad moving my kids away from my ex: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

You can legally leave and don’t feel bad goto court and arrange visits. You need a support system and they do too. Just go!

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I don’t know how far you plane to move, but I’m not sure you can move his kids out of state without his permission unless you have full custody, it is considered kidnapping even if they are your kids.

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You can only do what you can do chicky… communicate with him if yous are on talking terms, and if not, I’d go home to family to heal and assess the situation, and surround my children with love while yous all get used to the change.
If he has a problem with that, but hez a good dad, n able to take care of them, leave the kids there n go to your family for some time out n healing. Maybe after abit more time, yous will be able to communicate better, and work together to make something work for the children, and if not, then it may have to be sorted through the court system …
It’s probably going to hurt a lil to hear this, but don’t worry bout the other lady right now, the poison that’ll come from overthinking that could make you make decisions emotionally instead of logically.
Just my opinion with what info you shared :slightly_smiling_face:
Goodluck!!

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Don’t put yourself in a shitty situation, that’s how you lose your kids. The children will see their father when he makes time for them. You have to make the right decision in order to provide for your family because no one else is going to do it for you.

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Sounds sketchy that a woman answered n hung up. But hey you did try to get in touch,I’m sure she’s some girl he was seeing before u even left him, and he’s lied about you and whole situation. My ex hubby did same thing to me… anything to make me out to be a monster. And you choosing to move back home, and have the support u need , is best decision for you And your kids! So good for you. He has your number I’m assuming … maybe take another week apart to figure yourself and living situation out, then have a sit down and agree on how n when he’ll see or get to take kids, def have a plan before divorcing through court, makes it much easier to be on the same page. Good luck to u. Msg me anytime if u need some 1 to talk to :slight_smile: prayers :pray: for u and for family. It’ll all work out how it’s supposed to!

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Legally I don’t think you move provinces without his official permission or unless you were granted full custody but that’s only if he chooses to get court involved. Personally in this situation if they have a good bond with their father and he is a good dad who is involved in their lives then I don’t think its right or fair to either your kids or their father that you would automatically just move that far without giving it your all to keep them around their dad. Have you tried talking to him about it? Seeing if he can help with bills here, if you are going to have majority custody he will have to pay child support so that would help. No break up is easy but when there’s kids involved fleeing is always the best choice.

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I live 1400km from my family. I literally only have my ex’s family as support for raising my child, so I take their help as much as I can. Other than that, you create your own life. You don’t need to be with your family, your kids are your family but if that doesn’t work out after giving it some time, a week is so quick to even think about moving, you have not even tried living on your own yet.

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Do what’s best for u and ur kids. If he doesn’t want to be a father then that’s on him and ur kids will realize it when they get older. U can not force someone to be father. Not all fathers are “fathers”. Some are simply just sperm donors.

Be prepared to move back if he petitions the court. Unless you have a valid reason to move the kids away the courts can make you move back closer to their dad. From what you’ve stated here you have no real reason in a legal standing to up and move your kids away from their dad. Hopefully they don’t resent you for doing that. Also, hopefully they have a dad who cares enough to want to see them often. How would you feel if their dad picked up and moved your kids away from you just to be close to his family?

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Get in touch with a family lawyer and they can give proper advice on what can be legally done. Are you married? Is there a court date to sort contact? There’s a lot more to it so seek legal advice before doing anything, that’s what I did but as I’m in the UK it could be different there.

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Sad situation for not only you but for the children …I agree with some of the comments a week just isn’t enough time to think things thru … do you have friends around you they could be a big support for you and the children …there are plenty of help out there …just pray and maybe your family can come for a visit and help even if just a couple days could mean alot …

Is he aware your leaving? Just try to work something out to where he is still in their lives. There’s families that are in this situation all over. Some do summers and breaks from school with the other parent.

Just leave and when he wants his kids, he can pay for their travel! Sounds like he’s already got another or more women!

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Move. And if he has an issue he can take you to court. I know how hard it is to be alone with kids and have NO HELP. And if he isn’t helping you then you need to go where you have help. And the courts can give him days/weekends to see them. Because I promise if you feel you have no one and he isn’t making you feel ok about staying in the same town then MOVE and deal with the judge and court later. If he wanted his kids to stay there then he should step up and help. Idk why everyone puts it all on the moms. Do what you gotta do!

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if he is biological their father, he does have aright to them, But if he isn’t, it still sounds like he played a major role in their life’s, And this is tough, But do what you need to do & what best for both you & your kids, Let them talk about him, listen, don’t judge & don’t say anything bad about him, And if he wants to talk to them, let him, on speaker, so this way you will know if he is bad mouthing you or not, And check their emails. But again, no matter what, don’t say anything bad about him,

Mom and their children need …
Love
Support
Stable environment
Family
And safety
They will be fine
Your not cutting him out of their lives
But you need to be mentally, emotionally stable otherwise the kids will suffer!
Being around family is great!
Dad can visit and call

You should talk to him about it and compromise and coparent. The last thing that should happen Is you taking them without his knowledge and him going for you legally. It would look pretty bad for you to steal the children and not inform their other legal guardian. . Dads matter too, if he did this to you, you’d be pretty hurt and upset.
Doesn’t sound like he’s a bad dad, sounds like he is just with other women as y’all are now separated. I don’t see the point in taking his children away over it.

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I wouldn’t just up and move them away from their father if he is in fact a good dad. Just because a relationship doesn’t work out doesn’t mean you take someone’s kids away, how would you feel if the roles were reversed and he just took your kids and moved?

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Would you be okay with him moving and taking off with your children? Probably not. So you shouldn’t do that either. That’s horrible.

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Sorry but I think it’s really creepy and concerning that you snooped and called a number you didnt know. I find it suspicious that you have been together 10 yrs and didnt know his parents number. Regardless, move and do what’s best for you and your babies

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I had to give my ex a 60 day notice through the courts just to move to a town 3 hours away. He could contest it within 30 days, which he didn’t thank God.

  1. If you’ve only been broken up a week, I doubt there’s a formal custody arrangement in place already. You risk the children being moved back to the original providence if you move without permission.

  2. You should feel like an awful person for packing them up and leaving them without regular access to their dad (IF he’s a safe and appropriate parent). I was in that situation and I will never ever forgive it. Children deserve equal access to both of their parents (if both parents are fit to be in the child’s life).

  3. You were with him for ten years and don’t know his parent’s numbers? Something about that is fishy.

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In layman’s terms , your screwed, seek legal lawyer , interview several before settling on just one…

And some of you are the reason today that children have daddy issues. One if the man cheats that doesnt make him a bad dad. Two some decent men out there are good fathers and have every right to their child as the mother does. I would be broken hearted if my kids father thought to move them far away from me. Growing up I loved my dad and couldnt imagine not being able to see him when I wanted to. Once you have a kid its not about you its about them and you need to make sure moving away from their dad is right for them.

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My husband has a child (now adult) with a woman who lives 2 hours away. It’s been extremely hard, emotionally draining and the entire situation fucked up his daughter so much.

Don’t ask Facebook. You need to talk to him. The more fucked.up this separation is… The more drama that becomes apart of it - the more your kids are gonna suffer. This has to be a decision between the both of you since you now have children that will forever tie you two together.

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I just recently got out of a ten year relationship him an I didn’t work he cheated and lied and we just get apart but he is a damn good father to mine and his kids and I wouldn’t like it if he packed up and took the kids away from me I won’t do that to him. My closest family member is 9 hours away. I have nothing here. I would love to go to them but I won’t do that to my kids because they need their dad as much as they need their mom. I don’t know your situation but regardless of what you choose you need to speak with your kids dad before you just take off.

I would first figure out why he’s not answering. If he usually responds and this is out of the ordinary, I would call the police to do a welfare check. Maybe they can find out if he’s okay and just ignoring you. If you can speak with him then maybe you can make a parenting plan that works for both of you.

I wished I had moved closer to family, 1500 miles away from biological father, there are always plane/train rides back to see dad during the summer,etc

Let him your moving then go do what’s best for you because if you can’t help yourself you can’t help your kids if your not happy your kids won’t be happy go where you have support and love to go around

Hell naw girl i moved to a different STATE when i left my cheating ass ex husband. You do what’s best for you and the kids. The rest will work itself out

I don’t see nothing wrong with it just make sure before you leave yzll set up when he get them

Moving the kids away from there dad is so so wrong. That is selfish of you period.

Your ex won’t help with your kids?

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If your not happy they won’t be either! Do what you need to do.

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I would call a lawyer just to make sure it’s ok so your covered

Treat people the way you want to be treated.

Do what you feel is best for your children and you…

I don’t think u can legally not allowed without his permission

My wife tried to do this and is becoming a criminal because of it. Court order barred her from going, and then another court order gave me physical custody. The more she fights, the harder she is going to lose.

Just do the right thing. This isn’t about you. It’s about your children. Children deserve both parents unless one of the parents is abusive in some way.

Go and haul ass now. It will be the best for you and the kiddos

Okay I guess I can set the record straight for everybody if you are an unwed mother and you have children with someone you can do as you please he is considered a non-custodial parent he has to petitions the court for a DNA test and pays it himself until he does that he has no legal right whatsoever

Your leaving what did you expect for him to sit and beg you to come back

Yeh he can take you to court and you can be ordered to move back… I’d definitely consider legal advice before doing anything

Moving province could get ugly with kids involved. But for a break for now, do what you have to do. If he’s making no effort don’t cater to him. Do what’s best for you and your kids.
They need a stable parent, and if you need support to do that, do what you gotta do.
I wouldnt phrase it as “moving provinces” I would say “taking a break” to avoid any legal issues. No one can dictate how long of a break you need.
But if he tries to communicate with the kids let him, despite what u two have been through, they need to know he loves them even if he’s a dumbass (but they don’t know that so let them figure it out for themselves).
Could be you guys just weren’t properly suited, no biggie :woman_shrugging:!

Sorry you’re going through this.

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If he’s a good dad, don’t take his kids. Just because he’s already moved on, doesn’t mean he’s a bad parent. Hopefully you can both work something out that benefits everyone but it sounds like your mind is made up.

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Just move. It’s not about taking the kids away from him, it’s about you being away from him. You think if you’re close, you can get back together. Not going to happen, move on!!!

People move all the time for jobs or better opportunities I don’t see how your ex can stop anything

If you can’t physically or financially do it, then the smart and appropriate decision would be to move where you can.

Understand the reason you feel bad is because you know your doing the wrong thing. Not cool

Packing up is pretty sorry of you.

First off, that “woman” was prolly his side chick. Sounds sketchy as hell :woman_shrugging: Second, you dont owe him a damn thing. Your kids deserve to see their mom surrounded by ppl that love and support her, period. Also, I’m sure if the dad wants to see the kids, he can make the effort and meet you halfway. Do what’s best for you and them babies.

I feel you hun almost exact same thing happened to me

I’m from Ohio and West Virginia and over here if your not married and there isn’t no court order in place then you can move them without his permission. And sounds like you have tried to reach out! I was married and moved counties and took our kids he still seen them tho we met half way. And there was nothing he could do since there was no court order in place.

Walk away and take care of your kids. Good bye to him

Find out your laws 1st some states if not married you have 100% custody and you can do as you please some states you can’t.

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Only get in trouble if you have a court order. So what’s best for you and your babies! At the end of the day that’s the only thing you need to worry about. He wants to see the kids then he will if not he has to explain to them! And yep my son father moved 600 miles away. It was what was best for his mental health. And we get along better and have a better relationship now.

Selfish bitch. Leave the kids with him and do what ever you want

All the women here only heard the part about another woman​:rofl: …that’s was enough :man_facepalming:t4:

You have to do what’s right for urself & ur children if u need the supports back home then that’s where I would be. I separated from my children’s father 2 yrs ago we were together for 14 yrs he was never truly there for them & is now incarcerated currently. Family & friends can really be a good thing even tho it’s like starting all over.

You do what is best for you. Distance won’t stop him from seeing his kids if he really wants to. Y’all can always meet half way or whatever works best. No help or support is not healthy for you if you feel you need it! The kids will benefit most when you’re at your best

When my 10 yr old was two I tried to move outta state with her with going through the courts and her dad filed a motion to make it to where I couldn’t move. We then went to court and the judge told me If I wanted to move I had give 30 day notice and had to write a letter to the judge as to why I was moving, address to where i was going and phone number to where I was going also what visitation would have been. With that being said all I can say is check the laws where you live or call a lawyer and see what you need to do

Start keeping a log of whats happening. You can even record yourself dialing his number on your phone showing the correct numbers to his phone…proof that your the one making all these efforts but you just have no success in contacting him. Because if this ever goes to court on who should the children be living with, he could say all what your saying is not true. But your logsand videos will prove otherwise.

Move, you need to do what’s best for you and your children. Why should you stay somewhere you have no help and there’s no opportunity? Especially if he put you in this situation…

Take your children & GO to your family!

If that man was or is interested in being a father, he will.
& If not you have saved yourself and your children a whole lot of heartache.

Not to mention it’s been a week & he’s out meeting other women? Time to quit looking at things thru rose colored glasses & see the real world for what it is.

Regardless of what others have said. Get legal advice first.

just be prepared to have to come back if he fights it.