How do you discipline your four-year-old? I cannot for the life of me get my daughter to listen. I have tried times out and taking things away. I’ve tried putting her on the stairs and in her room. She won’t listen to me when I put her on the stairs for time out, and if I put her in her room, she literally screams bloody murder and can do that for hours if I don’t give in. Nothing works. I try and talk and explain to her why she was in time out and that she needs to listen and nothing is sinking in. She is extremely stubborn and even laughs at me. I feel like all I do is yell at her all day long, and I hate that. I don’t want to do that anymore. I have a five-month-old also, and I feel like I am being nice to him and just scolding her all day. Idk what do to. I’ve tried it all. The only thing I haven’t tried is possibly getting her evaluated to see if she may have a learning disorder or autism, but she really doesn’t have any of the signs of it. Idk I feel completely defeated. Plus, I am going to be homeschooling my kids and I need help with discipline. I don’t want to spank I have tried that, and I hate it as well. Help, please!!
Maybe a counselor? She could just be acting out since she has a new younger sibling.
Do you think maybe she is yearning for your attention, some mommy daughter time, with the baby and all?
I have a 6 year old and a 1 month old and I notice he is jealous of all the attention baby is getting and sometimes acts out.
Honestly, look into positive parenting. My daughter was the same way(there were other issues going on that we were unaware of, so evaluation wouldn’t be a bad idea either) but seriously add the positive parenting into play therapy. It’s made a complete 180 with my 5 yr old. She is still a child and behaves as such but the tantrums are far and few between and don’t last nearly as long anymore. She is probably seriously jealous over the new baby.
When shes screaming like that ignore her and walk away tell her she can get out when shes done thats what we do. Not much of a tantrum when no ones watching. Then when mine decides hes done then i tell him “dont do “whatever he did” or you go back”
Have you had her ears tested.Mybe she cannot hear you. Talk to her Dr.
Empty her room of everything in it and let her scream it out. Do not respond. She will eventually calm down and need to talk to you. Then, she earns her things back.
Following because my son is the exact same!
Is this new?? Since new baby… Yes… Get her evaluated… Just to be on the safe side… I hate to see children disciplined for something out of their control…
It’s the 4 year old power struggle. Just try to stay consistent with discipline and don’t let her wear you down
Watch super nanny, lol.
She could be acting out because she is Jealous Of the baby? Stay Positive ! I know it’s not easy but things will all work out!!
I didnt want to spank either. . But it was the only thing that worked…
Everyone always gives advice on breaking the will of a strong willed child - but it’s such a gift.
That strong willed child won’t give in to peer pressure as a teen and will always follow their own drum. My sister was a very strong willed child. She grew up to become a lawyer who owns a homestead and has 6 kids. She’s amazing. My teen daughter was always so strong willed (still is). She doesn’t give in to her peers and is a really level headed kid. This year, as a senior, she has one advanced placement class at the high school and three college courses. Next year, she goes to college and will be studying criminology and forensic sciences.
We were just very consistent. When she misbehaved, she was put in our time out spot - which was always somewhere near us but somewhere she couldn’t see what was going on with everyone in the home. And we gave her as many areas possible of personal control. She chose her own clothes from a very young age. She was allowed to decorate her room. When her brother was born, she helped pick his name.
Belts on the ass work wonders
My son gets a talk and a good old spanking and after he has had time to calm down we talk again.
The spectrum is a very very big space. Get her evaluated and go from there. You never know.
Has this just started since the baby came or when you were pregnant? The attitude probably started when she realized she was going to share your attention and then got progressively worse as she sees you being nice to the baby and yelling at her all day. (No judgement here. I have a 4 year old and they are naturally hard headed at this age.) make time for just you and her without the baby. Even if it’s just a couple minutes to snuggle on the couch. When she does something good praise her. When she does something that makes you want to scream act disappointed more than angry. Also, don’t give in. I know this is extremely hard, especially if you’re exhausted. But if a kid knows there is a point that you will give in, they won’t give up till you got it and they get what they want. Good luck Mom!!
Have her act like a “big girl” and help you with the baby. Let her help you change baby’s diaper and clothes. When she acts out, try to redirect her to a positive mentality. Include her in your daily activities to keep her mind happy any busy
4 is a hard age! It starts getting better by about 5 1/2 as long as you stay consistent.
If she doesn’t act that way with her other parent then I would guess she is trying to get attention from you. Negative or positive doesn’t matter as long as it’s attention, especially if she’s been the only child for 4 years. I would suggest maybe trying to include her with helping with the baby more. Telling her how important it is to be the BIG sister. Her baby sister looks up to her and she wouldn’t want her baby sister to act like that. If none of that is the cause then I would start taking favorite toys away, when she can act like a big girl, she can play with big girl toys. Good luck!!!
My daughter was the same way … turns out she has ADHD .
Know the feeling, but my daugther turned 5 June and shes a nightmare x
Their are alot of good books for this on Amazon
spanking her will probably do her some good it sounds like.
I went through the same thing with my son and i had him evaluated and turns out he has ADHD and ODD
Could be lashing out bc of new baby. Especially if baby has your attention, if she kicks and hits bear hug her until she calms down then she goes into time out or hold her for the 5 minutes or so…
Following because my 7yo son is the same! 
from A.M. to P.M. he persists to “wrestle” me but it’s just a hair from him actually swinging on me
It sounds like it may be due to vying for attention with the baby. I only had one, so I don’t have experience but yelling will only frustrate you so much more, and will make you feel bad later. It can also cause anxiety later for your child. Do you have a partner that supports you in this?
Wow, this is so eerily similar to my situation except I have a 4 month old. Solidarity mama.
I’m a firm believer in spankings. The sting will help remind them not to repeat what they did…
Time out does not work… How many times have you put your kid in time out for doing the same thing. If. Time out worked. He wouldn’t repeat the offence… That’s common sense.
If my kids laughed at me or talked backed. They’d be picking their teeth up off the ground after they pick themselves up. Damn. People don’t parent anymore.
We are going through situation with my daughter. Punishment doesn’t work for us but a reward system does. Instead of time out or punishment, we reward the good behavior. Sometimes it’s with candy or a tv show. Also, I find when she’s my “helper” and I include her in the things that I am doing, she’s proud of herself and she listens because she feels acknowledged.
Spanking is the best thing. Maybe if you continued spanking her, she wouldn’t be like that.
Im in the same boat with my 2yr. I try talking, time outs and spankings! I don’t think she has a disorder I think shes extremely strong willed! I have no advice. Just encouragement! See if you can do things with help & if not I guess we wait it out! Hang in there mama!
I’m having this issue with my 3 yr old 
spanking does nothing and I don’t yell.
Sitting on stairs is awful. He can cry for hours
Sounds like my 4 year old he is about to get evaluated for autism
Seek wise counsel from an excellent psychologist.
Google Feingold Diet and give it a serious go. The chemicals in our foods affect us in different ways.
lol I feel defeated every single day with my 3 year old lmao #mom #life
Try a sticker chart for good behavior. And a reward/small prize when she fills the chart.
Be generous with the stickers in the beginning
“Thank you for listening the first time, put a sticker on your chart”
“Good job not arguing” “big girls who clean up their toys earn a sticker” etc. Whatever she normally fights you on, she earns a sticker when she does it without a fight. She’ll catch on.
And then counting for bad behavior and 3 is time out every time
I could swear I was the one writing this except my 2nd is 2. I’m finding 4 the hardest age so far! She has dyspraxia but I don’t think it’s that that’s causing the behaviour. She’s just 4 years old keep up with the time outs The screaming is awful and makes you feel terrible but it’s for the best. Set a time limit for it. And also reward good behaviour. It’s not going to fix it but it will help over time. As she gets older it will get better. Or so I’m told 
Ok. You asked. So I’m going to give my advice. Take it with a grain of salt. But.
It sounds like you don’t like to discipline because you feel guilty. And she sees that. They are smart little creatures. Don’t underestimate that.
You feel guilty but you shouldn’t. It is your job to teach her and it IS a job. And discipline is the unpleasant part of that job.
I personally, swatted my children (never out of anger, never when angry) and I always always always explained to them what the swat was for and I talked to them and used positive reinforcement when appropriate. For the love, please do not use candy or tv. Praise her. High five her. Go to the dollar store and find the super cheap toys or something. Find something that isn’t bad for her that she likes to reward her with for listening the first time she is asked, etc. but do not let it turn into something she only does FOR the reward. Don’t use the physical reward every time. Praise alone will do wonders.
I don’t like time out at that age. They don’t understand really. And crying and being isolated for hours is awful and reinforces negative behavior especially when it’s stemming from feeling a lack of attention anyway. I just don’t like isolation as a punishment because it seems to cause more damage than it helps. That’s my personal opinion. Swats are not THAT painful, should never leave a mark and are more for effect than anything else. It’s scary. But it is also over with quickly and can be moved on from quickly. Okay, you messed up. You were punished. Let’s move forward and have a great day. Idk. It worked. My children are well behaved. They aren’t perfect but they don’t act wild and don’t talk back blatantly or tell me no or slam doors or act on their frustrations and anger in a volatile or negative way. They are now 7 and 9. It gets better momma! I hope you find a way that works for you both!
Agree Liz, positive reinforcement, I am grandma but babysit often, my one 4 year old grandchild can be a nightmare, but then at times the most sweetest, compassionate child, she’s very stubborn and strong willed and time outside, or spanking just adds fuel to the fire,
2 kids one 8 and one 4 and 4 years old is by far the hardest age yet!! Especially with my 2nd child she is out of control
I wish I had advice but I need some myself
paddle her bottom that will get her attention.
Look up 1-2-3 magic. It’s worked wonders for us!
You think she may need some one on one time with you? Kids tend to act out when they are seeking attention. Try spending 10 minutes each day of time with just you and her with something she wants to do. I got that idea from an account I follow on IG, called big little feelings. Give them a follow. They have great advice that is backed by research. A lot of the tips I’ve tried and they do work!
If you put her in her room let her scream. She’s fine. She’ll keep doing it if you cave when she does it.
Parenting Bible… and NEVER skip nap time keep bed time the same every night, no matter what!
Kids crave consistency. Absolutely NO added sugars, and aim for food in the naturalist form possible.
Hope that helps.
Good Luck! 
A medical evaluation seems to be in order.
Spare the rod, suffer the child.
Pick how you’re going to discipline.
Stay consistent and don’t give in.
Eventually she will learn but you have to be consistent with it and don’t let inappropriate behaviors slide.
You have to be consistent! I would tell my kids to sit in the corner and they can come out when they tell me why they got put in time out. You have to help them guide their thought process so they can understand the “why” behind it.
One grandmother had 23 children and the other had 6-not to mention all the other 2nd and third cousins. So I have raised or babysat my fair share over the years and seen what works and doesn’t work. Plus I was blessed with a son who has Aspergers, ADD, oppositional defiant disorder, and various learning and cognitive disabilities.
A. You are giving in-she knows that if she acts out enough-you will cave-let her scream til she gives out and falls asleep from exhaustion-put a camera in her room so you make sure she is safe and earbuds work wonders for your nerves and inform the neighbors so they know you aren’t committing murder-take all her toys out of her room also-she knows what she is doing and has learned to work you so she gets what she wants
B. After you scream and yell at children so much it just won’t faze them anymore because it is normal to them. Ask in normal voice-then stern-if still misbehaving act immediately with a consequence and do not give in because she fusses.
C. Set goals and rewards for the day if there are things to do like schoolwork but give her choices so that she feels she is in control-example-pick out two or three outfits when it is time to get dressed and ask which one she would like to wear—we are going to the park today after we get done with school-do you want to start with your letters or art
D. You have a new baby and she is not the only apple of mom’s eye anymore and she has found that acting out gets your attention-it doesn’t matter that it is negative-all that matters is that you are paying attention to her and not the baby. Try to get sometime during the day where all you attention is on her and not the baby. Also have her help you make lunch or do things because she is a big girl and can do things the baby can’t.
E. If she acts out in public give her one or two warnings-then leave. Sometimes the around the waist suitcase carry is warranted with the kicking and screaming. Hang out in the car with her til she calms down and behaves or just go home. It takes a few times but she will learn that you mean what you say.
F. Spanking may work for some children but for others it may make them more defiant and leads to sneakiness and lying or once again not even fazing them.
Good luck-it does get better eventually.
Sounds like a strong-willed little girl. Mine is the same. Being consistent and repetitive and stern is all u can do. If you take her, not break her, She will grow up to do amazing things
Been there for sure. My sons behavior changes if he doesn’t get the proper rest. Also, sometimes I look at him and just say “do you need a hug?” And that works to. I think they get a little frustrated and don’t know how to express themselves yet. You’ll get thru it! Try using a timer when you do a timeout (the kind you can see the red line. So she will know how long she has left.)
This was my child. Not to scare anyone, but at age 11 she was diagnosed with high functioning autism. I only put her away if she was being unsafe with her behavior. Otherwise she was told what she was to do, and if she didn’t do it, she was made to come back and told to do it again, and if she didn’t she would have to serve timeout (in a spot that she couldn’t escape, with a visual timer). Usually that would lead to a meltdown. Then she would be isolated (locked in her room or whatever) for everyone’s safety. Then when she was done tantruming (hours or not), she was immediately put into timeout for not listening, and then asked to do what she neglected to do originally after serving her time. If she went back into meltdown, she was ignored (if she wasn’t being unsafe) or removed again. She can go all night, and so can I. Now we can just take away dessert or tablet. Dessert is less of a punishment for the rest of us though. This is why you wait to have more kids. Mine are 10 years apart and they are still too close in age. lol
Praise her good behavior. The sticker chart mentioned above is a good idea.
And stick to the time outs.
Every minute for how old they are. If they get up, scream etc then the timer restarts. (I put the timer on the microwave or stove since our daughter normally sits in the kitchen for timeout. But have a timer wherever she sits). Then have the talk afterwards. Ask her if she knows why she was on time out. Hug it out. Then it’s a clean slate (if you do the 3 warnings you start back at zero. And if she’s good you praise her again).
And also make time just for her too. Maybe while the little one is down for a nap you guys can do something just the two of you (playing, or a movie/show, or paint her toe nails, have ice cream sundaes, or make cupcakes etc. Just one-on-one time). She went from being an only child to all of a sudden having a younger sibling who gets a LOT of your attention- so she may be seeking attention from you. Even if it’s negative (like you scolding/yelling/disciplining etc) it is Still attention she wasn’t getting prior. But maybe if you make time just for you two everyday it might help stop or slow the bad behavior.
Do you follow through every single time? Like if you tell her “pick your toy up” and she doesn’t do you go take her by the hand and make her come with you to pick it up ans don’t give up no matter what? That is so key to parenting, home training and having a child that will listen. Sometime especially when you have another baby it will be hard, it’s easier to jusr do it yourself or you don’t have the energy to get up but it is so worth it in the end. I have raised 5 kids and have 3 grandsons. And my biggest advice is you HAVE TO FOLLOW THROUGH. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. The days are long but the years are short. One day you’ll look back and miss these times. Hang in there mama♥️
Have her evaluated and if she is alright. Consider maybe she feels left out and jealous of the baby. And that is why she is so out of control.
We do thinkers
- bent over head on ground
Wall sits
Time out, nose on wall, hands up or put to the side straight - my son got privy and we give him a bottle to hold
Standards - write a sentence, have them copy as much as they can
Take stuff away
Take away the sweets
I literally had to break my son, his grandma undid all my discipline
I changed his diet. Took everything away. Time outs. He changed and acted better, little by little he got stuff back
Twice, he got spankings but he needed them .
If they scream, you need to let them scream
Routine is what they thrive break them and redo the routine, it works
I think all moms go through that…
I have found using redirection works well, a long with explaining.
DON’T GIVE IN!!! Let her scream until she loses her voice. My youngest son use to be the same way. Had the same fits an I yell all day an did the time out thing an nothing had worked. Then he had started school an i shortly found out that he has ADHD
Alot of positive reinforcement! When she is appropriately playing or any small thing she does, Praise her! No tantrums for an hour, sitting nicely eating, helping with baby, ect… I love that your eating so nice, I love how you help with the baby, your being so sweet today… praise good and ignore bad. She needs to get attention for all the good and appropriate things she does. Time outs get no conversation or reaction. Once calm, she apologizes and discussed briefly why she was in time out. Hugs, love and back to lots of positive attention and praise.
Keep her involved with tasks for baby so shes a part of the new package, how important it is to be a big sister. Getting diaper, bath time, even showing her baby smiling at you, she loves her big sister. Let’s show the baby how great you can do listening, playing, ect
With the steps time out each time she gets out of it before time out is done put her butt back on the steps not saying anything and keep repeating it. Being in her room ain’t going to do nothing honestly. Take all her toys away literally take them away in front of her and put in garbage bag (don’t throw them away) and she has to earn them back with good behavior. Spank her butt. You’re letting a damn 4 year run you like you’re the child and she’s the adult 
Focus more on the good behaviour. Pay attention to the behaviour you want to see more of. Praise her directly for this telling her what you like, Be specific. Give her a sticker chart with a small reward when she has enough stickers. Choose 3 rules which you want to change including ljstening/Do something first time of asking. Remind her of this when she doesn’t listen first time sticker and praise her if she does it and sanction if she doesn’t, e.g. take the toy she is playing with off her until she follows the instruction with a simple explanation of it is a rule in our house that you listen to mummy. Don’t over talk this, keep it simple. Good luck
1st you never make empty threats, if you say this going happen if you misbehave. Than you must follow through with it. Example, if you tell her that if she doesn’t stop yelling she isn’t going outside to play. You can not let her go outside to play. If she does behave she gets to go outside. You must be consistent all the time and don’t give in to her. It’s very hard but it will pay off.
The other thing you might want to try is jars and marbles. You start out with two jars, jar number 1 has marbles in it, the 2nd jar is empty. Every time she listens to you , you take a marble out of jar 1 and put it in jar 2. When jar 2 gets all the marbles in it she gets a prize, or a trip to McDonald’s or a trip to the Dollar Store. If she misbehaves than you take a marble out of jar 2 and put it back in jar 1. Kids hate putting a marble back in jar 1. You might start out with 10 marbles if that works than make it 15 marbles, than 20 marbles. I won’t go higher than 20 marbles. Good luck!
It’s hard to give specific advice since “not listening” is such a broad term. Is she completely ignoring you? Not following through with the task properly? Verbally refusing to do certain things? Etc. Just know that this is a common problem so you’re not alone.
It seems from what you’ve said though, she is really crying out for some connection. If you ignore her, spank her, or put your main focus on what type of punishment to use, you’re going to create a divide in the relationship, and it’s only going to make matters worse (especially with the spanking, she may evolve into getting aggressive along with not listening).
Kids learn best when the appropriate behaviour is modeled to them, so be mindful on how you interact with her. When she’s talking to you, do you stop what you’re doing and give her your full attention? When you want her to listen, get down to her level, put your hand on her shoulder or hold her hand, talk calmly and use minimal wording. How are you asking her to do things? Someone will be more willing to do something if they are being asked politely vs when it’s demanded of them. Are you sympathetic to her priorities? So for example if she’s coloring and it’s time for dinner, acknowledge and show interest in what she’s doing first. “Wow, that’s a really cool dog you’re drawing. Does he have a name? Hey it’s time to eat, so after you finish coloring him in, let’s hang it up on the fridge and wash up.” Doing this will help to slowly build respect. Also, try not to say “don’t do ___”, because that requires her to double process what you’re saying and at 4 years old that’s really hard to do. She’s going to have to try and use the frontal cortex (the most undeveloped part of her brain) to use logic and reasoning to come up with a solution on her own, so rather tell her what she can do. For example, instead of saying “don’t run in the house”, say “we walk in house and run outside”, or instead of “don’t leave your toys laying around, say “please put your toys in the bin”.
As for discipline tactics, ditch the timeout because it’s ineffective, and do time ins instead. Here’s a link that explains why… it also has a great “ages and stages” section too that would be beneficial to look at.
Mine started picking out Christmas presents so now I just remind her Santa is watching lol
She will be pushing for your attention because of the new baby she will feel a bit jelous include her in helping you with the baby an reward good behaviour if she acts out ignore the bad behaviour and acknowledge the good xx
Try ignoring her when she plays up and praising her when she is good x
Well I’ve never had a kid be that bad, but i do very highly recommend the book called 1 2 3 Magic by Dr. Thomas Phelan. Its on amazon. I’ve used it on all 3 of my kids plus children I’ve babysat.
I have eight kids ranging from 3/20. Six girls two boys and I can tell you it’s normal don’t feel defeated just be consistent bc if she knows what to expect from bad behavior she will eventually learn but also pay attention to good behavior as well this way you won’t always feel like your paying attention to only the negative
I would look into child therapy, my daughter benefited from it at the age of 4.She still can be defiant but its more manageable
I would suggest therapy as well. Nothing wrong with it! My son sees the school therapist every week for no “real reason” I just think its healthy to have another trusted adult that he can talk to. Plus if there ever was an issue she’s there to help !
Time out, u first explain to her why u are putting her in time out & tell her she has to sit there for 4 minutes each minute for each year if age, if she gets out u calmly go & take her & put her back, dint say anything to her, u might have to do this part a cpl times, after she stays in time out for the allotted time…tell her she has to say sorry for what she did & to whom…then give her a great big hug & kiss & tell her u love her & thank her for doing her time out…I know it’s hard to listen to her scream & cry but u have to ignore it
I understand there are things that you don’t like doing but this ain’t about you. My daughter is now 6 and has been and still is the same way. Guess what a good old fashion never hurt anyone and it works. I am with Hayley L. Cook whoop that ass she will learn. We use it as a last resort when our daughter is out of control and it works.
You can spank her. Also when you put her in time out stand there, or at least close, and put her right back and say do not move when she tries to get up. When she is screaming don’t try to talk to her, tell her you do not speak to her when she is screaming. If she can get it under control then you will speak to her. Be firm. You are the mom she is the child. You make the rules, she follows them
Talk with her when calm . Offer her/have her come up suggestions on what she can do instead of losing control. State your expectations of what behavior you want to see and consequences if she does not listen. I would take away something that is important to her for half a day.
I feel u. Tonight I snapped. My 3 yo took off down the street and as fast as I could run, it wasnt fast enough. He got his first ass woopin. Idk what else to do. Let’s hope it worked.
It’s called a spanking. Works wonders
My daughter did this at age 4, she’s experiencing new emotions. I send mine to her room let her scream or cry for about 20-30 minutes and then I go in and talk to her. I ask her why she did what she did, aka get her side of it and then I explain to her very kindly why we can’t do that. I have her apologize and I apologize if I yelled/screamed and hug it out. I remind her that I love her very much but that there are certain things she can’t say or do. She’s now 5 and thank fully she’s calmed down majorly. Remember they are little but they are people too and they have big emotions. So it’s up to us to guide them. I promise yelling will get you no where
This is my middle child shes 2.5!!! Ive tried whooping her. Yelling at her. Ignoring her. Time outs. Everything you can think of thats not horrible obviously and so far nothing here either. She is literally a child from hell. I love her to pieces but she lives to be stubborn and defiant and laugh in your face with everything.
Stay strongg
You’re not alone. Trust me! I have 2 other little girls almost 4 and then 1 and their personalities are crazy different. It’s the middle that makes me question everything. Shes the one who puts me to bed in tears every night because I feel like a horrible mom for yelling at her all day while the other ones don’t come close. 
We were in the same boat a couple of months ago with our 4 year old daughter. Nothing worked. Finally I got so fed up we took all of her toys and made her put them into garbage bags and didn’t let her have tv or anything other than her colors and books. Waited a week and told her if she can go a full day without being naughty she gets 1 toy back. Its hard especially when she’s bored but I tried to play with her. It honestly worked so well for our daughter!
It’s so hard. My almost 3 year old is doing the same thing. I’m a special education teacher that specializes in behavior intervention and I’m still worn out by my own kid. The only thing I can suggest is to try and increase the positives. Any time she does listen, follow directions, or show any positive behavior, tell her. It’s hard to do, but especially on days when behavior is worse, I find the tiniest things to praise her for so she’s not just getting scolded all day. It helps.
You should look Into the nurtured heart approach! It sounds corny, but it’s really just taking time to notice the positives in a child and naming a positive attribute. For example, if I see my 5 year old is screaming and crying, I will ask him to take a breath and when he does I’ll say something like “I see that you worked on calming down by taking a deep breath, that shows really good self control”
It seems weird but look up youtube videos on it, its helped so much for us with my 5 and 6 year old!
I would not listen to her. When she says mommy can I have a drink of water ignore her. When she asks again throw a fit let her see how it feels to need something and have someone act like she does.
I agree with the positivity approach. Which I am currently working on with my 3yr old daughter cuz like she never listens no matter how much I yell. But she shows a lot more effort when I praise her good behaviors and remembers that. Just take the time to remember to praise the small things, it works wonders on kids. She’s def wanting ur attention since there’s a new baby around
Watch supernanny. Honestly the best advice and it always works. You can’t give in on your time outs. Tell her why she’s being put in time out & repeatedly put her back in time out without saying anything over & over again. She will learn she isn’t going to get her way…
It sounds like jealousy. How much time do you spend playing games with your 4 year old?
Recognize and reward her good behavior with praises.
We had issues with times out for a long time. Just keep putting her back til she sits for her time. Then remind her when it’s done wby she was there and to give you some love.
I legit watch super nanny and get tips. Super helpful with ideas on how to handle blended family and kids with ADHD
My almost 4 year old started developing a little attitude right around age 3, we also have an 11 month old so I’m not sure if it was just the age or also the new baby and trying to adjust to not having my full attention 24/7. Consistency has been key for us, and not giving in (no matter how hard it may feel sometimes). I’ve also made sure to set aside time for just her and me to do things together where I am completely focused on her (when baby’s down for a nap or after she goes to bed). That’s helped a lot 
It’s been even more difficult now that we’re home more and not going out to do things as much - but I do try to give her things to look forward to, like going to the pool, making a Starbucks trip, going to the park, things like that. I saw someone recommended the book 1-2-3 Magic, I second that book! It’s helped us in teaching her to think about her attitude before she gets in trouble.
Try getting her involved with the baby… let her be a helper and praise her when she helps. She will start to see how that puts her in the spotlight and she will calm down some… find little things that she can help with to build her self esteem.
Give positive reinforcement for even the small things, like waking up happy or helping when she does, maybe have a visual reward chart for her.
Speak in calm tones and whisper when she is yelling, do simple listening tasks and give positive reinforcement for that even.
I’d just let her scream to be honest 
eventually she’ll tire herself out and realize you’re not giving her the attention she wants and when she stops, you ask firmly “why are you screaming? What’s the problem?” And get her to use her words. If she starts screaming again, you walk away and ignore her until she can tell you calmly what her problem is
Research The Incredible Years. Used by many preschools for parents and children. Very helpful!
Praise for good behavior is a must. But every kid has their thing for discipline. My daughter hated to be in the corner (so that was her punishment) my son hated to sit on the couch (so that was his) but the biggest thing is you CAN NOT give in to the punishment.