I feel disconnected from my husband: Advice?

Tell him it’s either marital counseling or you are going back to work. That lack of time and communication is a marker of the beginning to the end of marriage. It either gets aided by counseling or it’s time to get back to work because if the marriage falls apart or he finds someone else to spend time with, you’ll be left not only emotionally, but incredibly financially devastated, as happens to many SAHMs. Counseling will likely help but he needs to be a willing participant. Hugs.

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Let him watch some Darr Mann. Sometimes we forget that going to work is just as much work as staying home and watch the kids and everything else that goes into it. Try to talk to him again. Everyone needs some social interaction with their peers for mental and emotional health.

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How is he with you on his days off?

Try getting a casual job and taking some of the financial pressure off him

This pretty much sums up my life. But I’m a mother of 5 beautiful boys. And they keep me busy all day long. And my husband and I own our own company but he’s the one that really runs it and provides for us. And does all the work. But I don’t look at it as being disconnected. Our marriage is a give and take. And yes things were easier in the beginning when we didn’t have kids or not as many lol. And when the business was just getting started so he wasn’t working at much. But things-change as time does. And you learn to grow as a couple. Threw the up and down. I tend to my home and my boys and he supports us finically. He deserves to be tire. And want some down time just as I do from a overwhelming day at home here. But we also make time for each other rather it be a movie night or a weekend away in the mountains. Where the work and home duty’s aren’t apart of our day. So we can truly relax and enjoy each other’s company. We get so caught up in every day routines that we forget that the simplest thing can change our whole day.

Honestly im not sure what advice to give u
Ive been working the last 8 days and finally got a day off tomorrow… My boyfriend has rejected me every night refuses to touch me even if its not sexually
And he just told me hes gonna be cutting down trees all day on my ONLY day off…
All i could do was cry ive felt so unwanted the last week and was so excited to get a day off and us just be together but looks like thats not gonna happen…
I feel so hurt from it
Because all ive done is put all my effort into us and he hasnt put any into our relationship at all…

Get another husband :grinning:

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Get a job and put him in day care if that doesn’t work enjoy your child while you have him

You guys need some alone time. Take the baby to grandma and spend some time reconnecting.

Maybe he has other things going on in his life like a women

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He should want to spend more time with you regardless if he is tired. Trust your gut. Talk to him about this.

Well he better get to know how you fell you right him a note. Let him know how she feel’s. He need to know. Ok

Make a special day for you and him on a weekend day. Do something he likes. Just a few hours will work.

Going thru the same thing

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Plan a date night on a night off. Surprise him.

I am sorry, truly. I know how you feel. Its heart breaking :broken_heart:

Joining a mommy and me play group will help your child with developing age appropriate social skills and will give you the opportunity to meet and interact with other adults.

As far as your husband, I would try to connect with him. Once the baby is in bed, try approaching him…maybe offer a back rub after a long day at work…it may help him to feel validated. See if there is anything you can do for him. Hopefully then through dialogue you can tell him how you feel disconnected from him and that you miss the way things were.

Before my husband and I got married 17 years ago, we attended a marriage conference. I learned that often times in a marriage, we grow apart because we focus on getting our needs met instead of focusing on what we can do to meet our partner’s needs. This creates distance. When we focus on our partner, they tend to feel loved, cared for, and valued, increasing chances of them reciprocating the sentiment. I am not saying to not communicate your feelings to him…I’m just saying to start off focusing on him and slowly expand. This will hopefully show him that you are looking for ways to resolve the issue rather than pointing the finger. Hope this helps!

Been there!!! For me it never got any better so I left after 17 yrs of it

Get a sitter go on a date together

Get a part time job that starts as soon as he gets home and leave him with the kid

I understand this 110%. That’s my life just with 3 kids.

Date night. No excuses

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I am sorry that is how you feel . I can just say , I feel you .

Try writing down your concerns, this may iniciate a conversation with him.

Have to designate a date night and make time for intimacy. Most men connect through sex and if you don’t make a point he may feel like your ignoring his needs just as equally def talk about what you BOTH need to feel seen in your relationship. Also sounds like you could get out some with friends now and again for gf gossip does a soul good

I feel like I’ve been in the same boat for a very long time.

Try telling him exactly what you typed here :woman_shrugging:

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I think what you need is friends.

He sounds tired and depressed . The Depression part is the disconnection part.

Get a sitter have date night

Being a full time mom is equal to that of two 2 1/2 full time jobs and you don’t get paid for it… Men in this situation tend to be delusional in thinking that they are the ones putting in the most work just because they are the ones with the full time job… They don’t tend to notice just how damaging and hard it is to be a at home mom without breaks/ socialization however they know that the money they make is to keep you all physically alive and well… You have to let him know, hopefully in a nice way, that you need to take some much well deserved time off and would like to spend it with him knowing that he too has worked hard… Have him help you keep the TV off long enough to make some serious alone time plans… They tend to believe that it relieves stress which isn’t usually the case… Make sure that it is a plan that both of you love and are excited about that doesn’t eat into your budget so that the stress isn’t eliminated… It’ll only get worse if you just let it slide and aren’t aggressive but yet nice enough… Let him know that you guys should make friends you can spend time with later on but be careful about it…

Try writing him a letter about your feelings

This post is literally my current life!

Guys do what they want to do when they want to do it

for a start thats a peculiar name for a husband

Put a pool in the backyard and hire a “Poolboy”:+1:

You should let him know how you feel.

Get a hobby, do a dance class, or get a vibrator and have some you time…

You’re asking social media how to keep your man? You’re screwed.

It cost me. My 1st. Divorce.

Here is the thing you know your husband best. Ask yourself what are we both not getting? Your disconnected that happens. Every person needs something different in a marriage there is no cookie cutter answer. I can tell you this it won’t get fixed until you both work on it. Yes a job and or more adult stimulation away from home will keep you from going insane. He cant fix your loneliness alone.You have to ask yourself what did you both stop doing now that your world revolves around the kids?
We for example used to like driving (before kids) finding out of the way back roads maybe getting personal in back seat. Finding old dinners…our motto used to be we would drive and stop at the restaurant where you find the seniors they know where the good food is. So I started asking my brother his parents who ever to watch the kids so we could have time together like we used to.
I’m assuming he had a job when u met him so it’s not the job or that all of a sudden he is super tired. Its balance you guys lack and he cant help it just like you cant it happens but it will take BOTH of you to fix it.

If there’s no communication it looks like it took it’s course… Please know ur worth never settle

U. Will get it figured out. U are stepping g for change. That’s aloy

Went through this + postpartum depression and it almost killed me - mind, body, and soul. Advice? Tell him point blank. But… it sounds like you need to find yourself first. Build yourself up. Make the strategic decisions that will benefit you and baby. Because if and when the boo ignores your pleas multiple times, it’s time to plan. Find yourself again. Develop healthy routines for yourself. Exercise alone and with your kid. Read. Make positive friendships and build your support system. Volunteer at your kid’s school whichever way you can. That builds trust and builds relationships with staff and other parents. Dress up for yourself. Do your make up and hair for yourself. Build up your self-esteem and confidence. An intelligent and confident woman is a successful woman and role model for other women and their own children. Hubby will notice a change and will either step it up or ignore it. If he ignores it, well, guess what, at least you’ll be well prepared when it’s time to move on.

That’s messed up in my opinion… One u need some girl time out with your friends hun… for Your sanity…

Two there’s no excused for his actions towards his wife… I don’t care if he works full time or not… he needs to respect… Honor, Reverence his wife… like God spoke in the Bible… if U guys don’t make it work… Satan will surely destroy it :bangbang: Truth be told… there is a verse where God says, Come together in prayer that Satan won’t get the Upper hand between U too! He needs to man up and spends some time with his wife… I pray for Perpetual door of communication to open between U too… In the name and the Blood of Jesus Christ :blue_heart::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::bangbang::grin:

My hubby is the same… works hard.
My mindset is : my job is being a mum, our children will become independent and things will eventually be different.
I find connecting with childhood friends on a regular basis and creating our private friend FB chat group has been brilliant in the evenings when we have all tucked our family cherubs in bed ( including hubby :blush:)
We laugh, cry, reminisce, solve the world’s problems and plan events.
Its hard and its ok to be sad, try different things, like having breakfast with hubby at home together on a Saturday and Sunday morning to sit and chat for now. Progressively time will change the dynamics of your family ways, many times over thoughout the years, just be patient and find other ways to do things…take care x
Below is a pic of our breakfast this morning.

I believe reading or listening to this book could help both of you.

You need to interact more outside of the home. Find a mommy and me program. Get a part time job so you are interacting with adults and your child is around children their own age. At four, they should be developing social skills to get them ready for school. Hire a sitter for a date night once every other month. Also, take yourself out on a date. He can watch the kid and you can exist without them at least for two hours.

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I was a stay at home mom. My husband traveled most weeks. When he got home, he wanted ALL of my attention. It was a difficult transition. Because when he was gone, I was in charge of everything that went on in the house. I joined a spa. Enrolled the kids in sports, which gave me interaction with other adults. Join a good church and make friends there. You need to take care of your own mental health. Also, you need to sit down together, and discuss these feelings. Communication is extremely important. Talk. Just talk with him. He needs to know. Correct this while you can before it gets out of hand. Your marriage may depend on this.
I ended up with 8 kids. As I said, he wanted all of my attention.

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Married 25 years and we always make time for each other. Busy lives dont allow for it to happen everyday. Sometimes he is burnt and sometimes it is me. But we always find a way to connect. We have made Friday night’s our nights. We sometimes invite friends over, sometimes not, but Fridays are our night to focus on each other.

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Go out. Find some friends. This sounds absolutely suffocating from a man’s perspective. The surest way to destroy your relationship(besides cheating) is to be codependent on your partner and make them your everything. That’s dangerous and not good for your mental health. How’s the old saying go? Don’t put all your eggs in 1 basket. Apply that here.

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When my hubby came home from work when our kids were little he needed some time to decompress (usually 30 to 45 minutes) but he was quiet and could just be an island if I let it happen. We had a conversation and I explained to him how isolated I felt and he explained to me how drained he felt and we worked it out so we could both get what we needed. Those years are challenging but good years, enjoy your little one but make sure to make the effort and set aside the time to connect with each other. <3 Prayers!!

Go outside of the home and meet people. Find adult relationship. Maybe with parents of your kids so you can have adult relations and the kids can play together. Take a class in education or yoga. Meet other adults. Your husband is prolly tired from dealing with adults all day and needs a break when he gets home. Set aside a weekend day to be with jist him and get a baby sitter. I too experienced this in my marriage of 24 years. Read self help books to make you a better adult. You can’t change your husband you can only change yourself.

Don’t worry. You’re not alone :gift_heart: i know exactly how you feel. I’ve been through this for 13 years now. It is lonely even though you have your children and family around but you still feel disconnected from the world. As time passes you start to find your self worth and things somewhat get better. Sending you some love and positivity in your life. If I could offer any wise words it would we to not be so hard on yourself. You are your biggest critic. Just live life day by day. :slightly_smiling_face:

All you can do is try and communicate to him how you feel. My husband and I been together for 15 years and married for 12 years. we have two beautiful children together. I was a stay at home parent when both kids were small it can be isolating at times. Marriage takes a lot of work; but sometimes communication can bridge the gap where assumptions can be made.

Or just a part time he watches the child it a join job, have him do some. Then he will understand it’s not easy to parent!
Or join a play group of other stay at home Moms. Our library has great programs that are free. Meet people!

I have the same issue with my husband. We have an 11yr old and 8 yr old who I am a stay at home mom to. When my husband gets home he greets the kids and then goes to his office to work on personal projects or plays video games. I’ve learned to just let the man be and I got a part time job and my babysitter was making more than me but it got me out of the house around other adults. I highly recommend getting at least a part time job! Good luck to you.

U need a sitter one nite a week and u and him go out for a date even just a long dr and an ice cream or drink or dinner it’s very important and talk to him and tell him u need some alone time with him God bless prayers for u both

I have and still do feel that way with my husband now we haven’t been together that long and we have a 8 month old! I have no friends literally I have none he is my best friend I have my mom but she can only be around so much Bc she works full time and she also is always sick/tired because of her illness and I have his parents to talk to but they are in the same position as him the work at the same stand mine and since he got his promotion as lead man at the mine and switch to nights it’s been so hard!! Our daughter is teething and she’s pretty much like a toddler always on the go! Always into stuff and her nap times is very crucial for both of us lol but I feel disconnected we don’t talk much because he works all the time he gets no signal out there! He sleeps most of the day even on his days off unless it’s to go fishing Wich I usually go but with the baby it’s not as much and I don’t mind he does something he loves when he can it’s not all the time he and I have depression/anxiety mine worse than his but it has a huge impact on our relationship specially when it comes to sex because o want to but he doesn’t Bc he’s tired and that’s one of the side effects for depression low libido however my husband likes to talk…a lot lol but we just don’t ever get to very often! I sat my husband down and said things needed to change Bc I couldn’t keep doing it anymore and if I wanted to be living like a single mother I’d just stay at my moms house until I got another job and we communicated it’s better than it was but I still feel really lonely…all the time he! I don’t like to bother anyone specially his family Bc they do so much for us/the baby! I hope you guys work everything out I hate for anyone to feel like this Bc I know it hurts and it’s completely shitty!

I think there are two issues here: 1) your feeling disconnected from the world and perhaps yourself; 2) the connection you have with your partner has likely taken the back seat in life.

For part 1 - finding me time is so important. Perhaps, deciding on activities where you can nurture yourself and find a way to schedule it in. It could be a long bath for example…let your partner help you carve that out. Also learning to make friends is an ever growing skill. So find ways to interact with people in a positive environment if you can. Maybe even just check up on old friends.

Part 2 would be letting your partner know what you need specifically. Let them rise to the occasion of supporting you (which can take time). You both may be exhausted from your days, so find “little moments of love” you can share. Every couple is different, but if you can back to basics and maybe bring the romance yourself, it may encourage him to respond back with enthusiasm. Just remember that long lasting marriages see their ebbs and flows, so this is normal so be gentle with each other. Keep faith that you will find your way back to each other, and let your hubby know that you miss him.

Please find someone to watch your child and meet him at work for lunch. Dress like you would for an afternoon date. Maybe create a date night on your home as well just for you 2. Maybe also spice it up with a new look, wig, new pjs or nightgown and/or redecorate the bedroom. My friend told me about a game called date night and it has activities for date nights like learn about Italy and make an Italian dinner together, etc. She and her hubby actually includes their teenage kids. But, its an activity together. Lastly, do things that bring you happiness and joy as well so that you are trying to connect with him while also nurturing your own well-being. He is either going to be on board or reject it all, and either way, you will have the internal strength and empowerment for either response. :purple_heart:

What worked for me n mu bf was setting aside days that are his and mine so on days that are his he can come home hop on his xbox or watch tv or do whatever and I let him be and on days that are mine we spend time together doing whatever… At first his on his days Id barely spend time with him except for when we ate dinner but as the time went on even on his days he started to spend more time with me… If its forced it pushes them away but if you give a little and set some boundaries it gives them the opportunity to decide how they spend their time also lets them see you respect their need to just unwind and have some them time… I also agree that you need to meet other ppl maybe other moms cuz then you can have play dates … I felt like you did with my first and once I got back in touch with an old friend who also had a baby close to my sons age and spent time with her I felt less alone and less starved for adult conversation plus my husband started to miss spending time with me and made more of an effort to be available for me after work… I think what it is …is they dont mean to be distant they work all day and when they get home its their time to do the stuff they dont really get to do or just unwind I dont think they mean to be distant I honestly think they just dont understand where we are coming from as a stay at home mom… Have day where you sit down and talk to him about it do it on one of his days off dont do it in an accusatory way either just be honest and tell him how you feel…

Guys are dumb. If your worried or lonely. SPEAK UP. Hes not going to read your mind. Men are problem solvers. Hes going to have lateral thought of “How can I fix this for you”. Make sure he understands what you want. Be specific and direct. Also, maybe try talking to him while giving him a foot rub/back rub. Watch a show with him and make small talk to lead into it :heart:

I know the feeling and I really don’t have a solution. Just will have to tell him. My husband and i have been married gling on 4 years but together going on 12. I have 3 kids prior and they are teenagers now so that helps a little with my sanity. My husband moved out of state in 2018 and I joined him last August. I left all my family and friends which I didn’t have many friends anyway and my job but here I have no one here but him and the kids. He works all day and sleeps. I see him fo a little bit and most of the time he is playing his games on his phone or talking in his discord chat. It’s very difficult. I would just like to go eat dinner or walk around just something. I applied for jobs out here and it well isn’t worked out then covid happened and with my health i really can’t work with it. I found a little comfort in watching live boutique videos and interacting with the ladies on there. Even if I don’t buy anything, I enjoy watching and talking to them. Maybe you can try that. If you would like the names of the few I watch message me and ill share the info. I also have a coupon code for first orders. I hope things get better for you and y’all’s communication gets better.

Jump him n rock his world

Go to a marriage counselor not fb

Omg :scream: this is terribly sad :disappointed_relieved: hope you guys can talk about it
:heart:

He is rooting another bitch

Praying for solutions🙏

Show him your boobs and get naked with him in Y’alls bed

Just say listen bitch you need to talk to me lol

I feel like you just read my mind.

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Tell him what you just told us.

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STAY AT HOME MOMS ARE FULL TIME WORKERS TOO :two_hearts: Keep strong mama you got this

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I’m not trying to be trashy. But get you a sitter go out have a couple drink or a dinner don’t have to be expensive,then take him home and fuck the shit outta him bet he’ll want date night more often with ya.

I can relate to this.

If possible you could work part time on his days off. My husband works 11 hour shifts but his 2 days off I go do Doordash ( almost completely contactless now) that way I get away from my 2 boys for a few hours while making extra cash.

It’s hard when someone comes home and just goes and watches tv. You could get a doctor’s appointment for him to see the doctor he could be run down working full Time.there is always people to talk too through lifeline about you are lonely you may need to get out and mix with a ladies group or a church group.

I would tell him I’m thinking about putting the baby in daycare and getting a full-time job if. he asks why I’m bored I spend all day with a four year old and when you come home from work I would like to have an adult conversation but you don’t talk to me so I’m lonely and I’m bored

Dont forget yourself bebe one day u wait no more.

Leave your kids with a babysitter a couple times a week and take a class and learn something new. Relationships evolve and mature. It sounds like maybe he is a bit bored. Make him ask you how your day was because he is curious about that light back in your eye. You are not going to change him so work on yourself.

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First Get a job, go out, keep yourself busy so you get over feeling alone. Eventually things will get better in the communication, he’s just tired, give it time.

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He can’t be your only adult contact. It will make him feel like you are too needy and start to resent you. I have been married 15 years, we still have moments like this. You need to have a friend that you don’t live with or are in a relationship with to talk to. Sometimes someone outside of the group can give you better insight or appreciation of the life that you

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I think men are different than women. He must be tiered and he does the best he can. My husband is not very talkative but I know he loves me. I do not depend on him for happiness. I have hubby’s that keep me busy. Do not nag, that will only push him away. Just be kind when he comes home and then go find something fun to do.

Find a play group or other activity where you talk to other adults. Start a small business that uses your talents. You will be a more interesting person and you won’t be so needy. He will enjoy your company.

There’s mommy and me play groups. Find one in your area, that would help with your adult time. Then you’ll have a clearer head to be able to discuss with him your concerns.

Your baby is 4 and will go to kindergarten next year. Get a job!! Just being at home alone you’ll talk yourself into all sorts of things.

I am in this exact place!!! I was considering getting a job for 1 or 2 days a week but I’m expecting our 2nd child in a couple months, so at this time it seems pointless. Plus even the thought of leaving my 12 month old for a couple days a week makes me want to cry. Feeling trapped and not sure what to do…

I know it’s really really hard but i think you also need to work, even if it’s a few hours here and there. I’ve recently quit my job ready for full time college and I’ve always worked but recently I’m feeling lost and like I don’t have a purpose other than parenting. I don’t mean this nastily as I know parenting is a full time job in itself but I really believe working will give you a sense of independence, a nice group of friends/co workers and sometimes just something to talk about. We all get in a rut and I hope you figure out how to get out xx

Y have you isolated yourself? Where are your friends? Do some volunteer work get a part time job, do something to expand your circle. All of your adult interaction should not depend on your husband.

A toddler is 12-36 months a 4 yr old is a pre schooler.

Re-ignite … write him some love letters & put them where he can find them, while at work … planning special time together. It’s hard work, work, working and, it’s hard to be just a Mom, Mom, Mom. Make special time for your hubby & you. You should have at least one “Date night” a week. Remember, you two were built on more than that, before the child. Can’t leave you & he out. It’s hard to organize special time, but it’s important. Best of wishes for you’s! :slight_smile:

U r right this is from a working dad

I’m a working man with a stay at home wife I’m so tired when I get home we also have a 2 year old but as soon as my wife sees a good opportunity without pushing me she comes up to me for a kiss she can hardly wait for but does tyr to show him in anon pushing way just how much u love him tell him alot how much u appreciate his hard work for his family that works for me every time and it’s so nice to here no woman ever appreciated me like my wife be his best friend and show him u want to spend time with him I have all this if that don’t work I don’t know what else will god bless you for your hard work as a mom it’s a full time job :sparkling_heart:

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Stop suffocating him lol