I feel disrespected by my husband: Am I in the wrong?

Backstory… he was hanging out with some friends at home drinking and bsing. I’m sitting inside watching tv and I hear the sxs start up ( it’s an off road oversized go kart lol) it’s fast and this was nighttime! He knows how I feel about him having drinks then getting behind the wheel of anything. So when I asked what he was doing he assured me “I’m fine and I’m not even drinking anymore” ok… then I check the cameras as they were leaving and he’s literally throwing beer in the back and has one in his hand then continues to be out for 2 hours. I have his location so when I looked to see where he was he was at a bar 20 mins from home! This is an off road vehicle, not street legal. So naturally when he came back home and his friends left I confronted him. And he just gaslights me and tells me “I’m a grown ass man worry about yourself”. I’m not sure what wife doesn’t worry about her husband. He knows his limits blah blah. As a mature mother I’m worried sick bc he’s been drinking it’s dark, driving a non legal vehicle on the road. I think the worst, we have a 4 yr old together so I worry. Am I wrong? I feel disrespected and me tells me to mind my own business.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel disrespected by my husband: Am I in the wrong?

You’re not in the wrong. All it takes is one mistake to end up in jail and risk literally everything.

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ONE beer could end his life. You have every right to be upset

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You’re not wrong , my ex was like that , never was able to help him see the dum. Shit he did wrong and that’s not what we are here to do… he’s disrespectful and very immature for that , could have hurt someone not just himself , he needs help …

You are not wrong, he is. It’s completely irresponsible of him and he needs to understand that whatever trouble he would get into, or worse if he got himself or someone else killed, you would also have to deal with. Wait until he sobers up and talk with him. If he does it again, let him spend the night in jail.

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Man child…that’s what u have on your hands. He needs to grow up…sorry you have to deal with that

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Not in the wrong.let him learn from his own mistakes and pray all he gets is jail and probation. And not in an accident

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You’re not in the wrong.

Also it’s rarely the drunk one that dies in the accidents, so he might want to think on that some the next time he puts anyone else’s life at risk to be a jackbutt for the night.

I’m assuming for the most part he’s a pretty good husband and father and this isn’t something that happens often? Or is this a normal occurrence?

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Call the police and report him the next time he does it.

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Next time he does it call and report it to the police. Don’t make any mention it was you just listen to his story when he comes back. :100:

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You’re not wrong at all. He was being irresponsible and could have potentially hurt himself or others!! At the very least if things had gone wrong , a DUI. Not fun and a hard lesson to learn. Maybe that’s what he needs though. Sending positivity to you 🫶🏼

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I pray he never gets in a accident but if he ever gets caught I’d be minding my own business and not help him out🤷🏻‍♀️ He’s obviously old enough to know better but to dumb to care.

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I know a story pretty close to be like yours, with s very bad outcome. You have every right to feel the way you do.
Wait until he’s sober and then ask him how he would feel, if you did that to him and your 4 year old.

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Well do just what he says and worry about you and your child. Might not be long before it’s just the two of you at the rate he’s going.

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Maybe it’s the southern in me but he is grown. :woman_shrugging: if he gets caught let him sit there. make it clear you won’t be bailing him out. Being worried is ok bc he’s your partner, but at the end of the day he is grown and he does know his limits. Maybe he is sticking to them. I’ve been to mud parks though where all you do is drink and ride so…. :woman_shrugging:

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You have every right to feel that way. Does he realize that one beer could wreck his life? That’s not okay.

Not in the wrong. I would worry but keep my distance since clearly he doesn’t care.

You’re not wrong, he’s an immature fool. He could’ve killed someone. Talk to him about it when he’s sober

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If he killed someone while drinking and driving, that would impact you and your child because he’s going to jail.

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Your husband is a selfish fucking prick and needs help.

End of story.

It’s not good to argue with someone under the influence. Talk to him the next day. Just tell him you are worried and care about him.

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Sounds like my ex landlord lol

Try to get that man in check before he kills someone or himself…

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Not cool at all , dealt with the same thing years back. Mine hit a speed bump on a4 wheeler & got thrown to pavement & had massive road rash to face , couldnt walk for a while, helmet saved him , it’s scary , drinking is so toxic for everyone, sorry I know how it feels :’((((

Not ok. If there’s a next time, call it in. I know it’s probably not what you want to hear or do, but let the local PD pick him up and sober up. It is better than the alternative of hurting himself and others.

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You are not wrong. It’s wrong of him to jeopardize innocent babies, daddies, sisters and brothers. He is putting all the ppl who passed or go near him while he’s driving drunk with no regard to anyone else’s life. I guess killing a family is a chance he is willing to take. No better than the drunk driver that killed my Lil 8 yr old sister. Small mistake for him but someones family could be paying the price next time. No driver ever gets into their vehicle drunk expecting to hit someone, hurt or kill someone. Everyone thinks it won’t happen to them till it just does. Then they are just a murderer.

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He’s being selfish and not thinking about the risk he’s putting on his family and tell him I said that

He’s still a stupid kid in a man’s body!! Lock the damn door and let him sleep in his little machine!! A night outside with his trusty ‘best friend’ might teach him a little lesson of respect for his worried wonderful wife!! You don’t/shouldn’t have to put up with his disrespect!!

Sadly it’s not up to you to try to stop his drinking. Let natural consequences happen. He’s deep in his alcoholism and doesn’t see you’re trying to help. You cannot control what others choose to do nor should you try. It’s exhausting

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This is a situation I would not be able to tolerate at all! You want to be stupid and get behind the wheel under the influence and potential hurt yourself go for it but how dare you risk so many innocent lives by your selfish actions nah I couldn’t stay with someone like that :sweat:

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Yes he is grown. Obviously he dosen’t know his limits. Nor does he adult very well. He was wrong and fortunate he didnt kill himself or someone else. No, i dont believe your wtong at all. He was being a drunken, selfish azz whole. Much peace and love ☆

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I agree With Emilie Davis , arguing with someone who has been drinking is not gonna get you anywhere. With that being sad, you have every right to feel the way you. Try telling him how you feel the next day when he is sober and see what he says. Being married is a partnership, and if he is unwilling to understand your feelings, that’s a red flag my dear. I hope y’all can get it figured out out. Sending good vibes♡

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Definitely disrespectful among other things

Let him know you won’t be posting bail.

Make sure his will is dawn up, that he has a legal document that will give you power of attorney (regular & medical) for if he gets brain damaged, and a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) for you to use. Make sure you ask him about final wishes: cremated or embalmed? Interred in prepaid burial plot, ashes in prepaid columbarium or ashes scattered? Church, non-church service or no service? Wake, shiva, reception? Posted obits (where? How much $)? At what point or how long until life support is turned off? Any videos, letters he wants to make for child/ten?

That might help his focus. Maybe laminate a family photo to the dashboard of the vehicle as a reminder of what he’s putting in jeopardy.

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Drunk driving is reckless endangerment and should automatically result in license suspension or termination with at least some jail time required. People know the risks and still choose to pursue their own cheap thrills over considering the literal life of others.

I lost my best friend to a selfish drunken idiot that walked away from the accident with barely a scratch across his nose. The drunk often survives in intoxicated accidents. Which seems unfair, but at least they have to sit and wallow in their guilt.

If I were in your position and found myself married to a man that would lie, manipulate, gaslight me, willingly risk allowing his own child to grow up without a parent, AND endanger the lives of innocent people around him… I would throw the whole man away. He’s garbage, sister. You and your 4 year old deserve better.

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We all agree with you. I have to agree you can’t reason with anyone that is drunk. Please tell me the next day he had a different view and reaction!

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Wow, how can he tell you to mind your own business?? Doesn’t he realize when you two got married you both made a promise to each other to be there for eachoher? So that makes him your business. But your not alone, I’m right beside you girl. I’m not condoning it not for one minute.but it can be worse. My husband & I are constantly arguing, I’m to the point that i already packed some of my stuff in a suitcase & put it in a closet next to the front door. He knows it’s there & why it’s there. My husband is a drug addict & one of the worse ones that I know, trust me I know allot. I use to be just as bad but I woke up. Not long ago I woke up when I looked into a mirror & saw what everyone else saw. I began to remember how pretty & healthy I use to look 10 years prior I compared that image to what I had become, a sucked up old looking hag. I am 47 missing most of teeth with extremely poor vision. So I decided to slow my role in this drug scene. Either I see it for what it is a deadly illegal discease & choose to live my life right or continue doing this & I’ll be dead in less than 10 yrs. So I gave my life to God & got right. So what I’m saying I gave myself a choice with detailed results to get me to stop. Sometimes you have to use tough love. Sometimes we have to put our foot down & in their ass. Has he ever been to the morgue to see the results to DUI’s that make it off the asphalt alive. Maybe he needs to sometimes that snaps reality to the brain. But you are in the right 100%. If it continues then you have to decide if this I’d what you want your child to witness. Their dad drunk all the time, mommy & daddy fighting or worse when you get that call that no one wants to get about someone they love. You may have to make the decision that is the right one for your child and you. I wish you luck and send you prayers​:heart::heart::pray:.

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You have every right to be mad but trying to talk to a drunk person is like hitting your head against a brick wall. When he sobers up ask him if he would have the same answer if he accidentally hurt himself or someone else. Ask him what the police would say or do if they would have pulled him over. It’s not about being grown and knowing your limits. It’s also about following the laws and making the right decisions when impaired

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I have a buggy aswell, if my husband decided to drive that down the road, I would lose my shit and that’s not even with alcohol involved.
If he was to hurt someone, it would be instant jail time and now it is directly affecting the family unit.

I’d tell him if that’s the way he is going to act and that’s what he is going to do he can leave be single and live the life he wants.

Definitely not wrong my fiance’s aunt was hanging with friends at a racing track and they were all drinking and they thought it would be a great idea to ride side by sides because they did it every weekend and she ended up running a man over that was sitting on a cooler outside of his camper and pinned him to a tree killing him! She didn’t get to watch her 2 kids graduate because it just happened a few years ago and they are older, but she’s missed out on alot of there life so far and she still has a few more years to serve! It doesn’t matter what his excuses are you definitely know it’s wrong and I know you don’t want to get him into trouble, but I would be calling the law because I would rather them book him for the night then having something terrible happen and him end up killing someone or himself while driving drunk because then he could be locked up for years or gone forever! Drinking and Driving is definitely not something to take lightly because things happen in a blink of an eye and you never truly know if or when something bad will happen!

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That’s absolutely disgusting behavior. From driving drunk to the way he responded to you. I agree 100% with Eva Marie that you need to call it in. He deserves it. He could kill someone. I’m sorry he acted like that. He needs to apologize to you.

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At the end of the day is he a grown man.You can state your opinion but you cant tell him what he can and can not do…but at the same time id make sure to let him know that the consequences to his actions are all his as well.

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Arguing with a drunk person is impossible. However, when sober, I would go with the idea of the lady above, talk funerals
…"so, since you like to risk your life, in case of actual death…what send off would you like?’. And mean it. Get leaflets and ideas from companies and let him know how serious this is.

If… he does it again… report him to the police as a suspect under the influence. It won’t feel nice/right, but… hes making his decisions…

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Nxt time he does it call the cops n tell them exactly wat he’s doing n wheres at exactly n let him go to jail !

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Try not to worry he doesn’t seem to care u will only make yourself sick his liver will give on him my partner spent years drinking now to I’ll health he can’t drink anymore not 1 drop

Sounds like a big man child to me. He’s gotta think responsibly, when you get married and have kids, it’s not just about you anymore. Definitely would address the disrespect behind closed doors, but let him do him and learn the consequences later. Can’t control him so if he wants to do stupid things, let him. When there’s consequences he will learn.

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You have problems.im sorry if it bothers you now it seems it always have bothered you so you probably should had stayed single…

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He did disrespect you, but he is right he’s a grown man and can make his own decisions. So if he wants to get a DUI or worse he’s just gonna have to learn the hard way. You can’t force him without causing yourself more stress unfortunately. Even if he’s putting others at risk all you can do is keep yourself and kid safe. I hope he doesn’t hurt anyone before he learns his lesson though. That’s not something anyone should learn the hard way. Ask him how many people with DUI’s have said they know their limits?

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You absolutely not wrong. He sounds like an irresponsible man-child. I would talk when sober but if he did kt again, mt ass would csll rhe police on him. Yes he’s grown and might think he knows his limits but it takes a second to make things go South. I would do it for the other innocent lives on the road.

When he calls for bail… tell him he’s a grown ass man… figure it out. I’m so sorry mama

Go to Al-Anon. It’s for friends and family of alcoholics and other addicts. He is disrespectful, but this goes far beyond disrespect. I also recommend finding a therapist. He’ll likely refuse to go, but you can still benefit by going.

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Confront him when hes sober. Jail no bail.

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You confront him when he’s sober, no drunk person will be sorry or understand their mistake when they are drunk. Remind him he could cause an accident and potentially kill another person how would he feel if it was you or his child

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Nope! You are NOT wrong. He’s being completely immature, disrespectful, and inconsiderate. My x husband was the same way, and I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that crap anymore. All men aren’t like that, and if aan really cares and loves a woman, he’ll mature and change. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to stand our ground, when it comes to healthy boundaries, and if they can’t respect them, then it’s time to take action.

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You should feel disrespected bc that is disgusting, selfish behavior. Imagine he hits a family with a 4 year old daughter just like his own and he kills her…and it does affect you bc if he hits someone or crashes he will get sued, have to pay damages, fines etc…that will come out of your marital assets, affecting your nest egg, your daughters future. Would he feel the same if a drunk driver was on the same road as his child? Wait until he’s sober and confront him, tell him if thats the life he wants to live he can live it on his own.

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no i don’t think you are wrong to be worried - after all he does have a 4 year old daughter whom loves him , but i would tell him that he’s is being an complete ass for the way he was acting and not really caring what was going on in front of his so -called friends

He’s definitely in the wrong here! It is your business when he decides to make such poor decisions, because it definitely effects you! He’s just lucky this time, but he could’ve gotten into an accident and severely injured or killed himself or others. Or, arrested for operating a motor vehicle while under the influence. Those are just a few scenarios that come to mind. I think he needs counseling if he thinks this is ok!

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Unless you want your child to grow up thinking drinking is ok time to end the marriage, the drinking will just get worse so will the gaslighting.

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I think if it were my husband I would have called the cops on him🤷🏻‍♀️

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I think if it were my husband I would have called the cops on him🤷🏻‍♀️

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A good slap upside the head might have made him rethink his stupidity!!!

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Call the cops on him

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This is not ok. He shouldn’t lie and treat you that way. I’d warn him while sober that the next times he behaves this way you will be contacting the police and make sure you do it. He isn’t only endangering his life and his mates by being idiots, he is endangering any poor innocent people that might end up in their path.

You aren’t wrong. Trouble is, you can’t reason with a drunk. I tried Al-Anon. It’s a very supportive group. You learn you can’t help somebody who doesn’t want to be helped. You can only help yourself. I was married to a drinker for several years and we were involved for much longer. He developed cirrhosis and also a lesion on his liver that was malignant. He passed away in 2018. He was in misery for the last few months of his life. What finally got him was congestive heart failure. When you develop cirrhosis, fluid tends to build up in your abdomen and chest and it will eventually drown you if it isn’t drained. Well, it probably couldn’t have all been drained this last time. I don’t know what drives some people to drink like that. Growing up, my folks drank beer, quite a bit. But they never got like he did. I don’t remember that my Dad ever had mixed drinks or the hard stuff, but my ex graduated from beer to Scotch. He said he had to drink too much beer to get a buzz. And so he drank a lot of Scotch. And it killed him. His brother died of alcoholism too. His drink was Vodka. It was very sad.

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You are absolutely right , but arguing with a drunk person is a waste of time and energy, you should let them alone and have the conversations with them when they are sober

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I agree you were disrespected…
The worst time to confront is while they’re still drinking though.

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That’s not gaslighting…he isn’t trying to manipulate and control you he’s trying to be in control of himself

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Talk to him about it when he’s sober :pensive:
Communication is very important

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Not okay on so many levels

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Your husband is definitely wrong.He runs the risk of killing himself and other people and leaving you a widow and your child fatherless.He is inconsiderate, disrespectful and in the wrong,he drinks whilst driving so any accident he may have is premeditated.:pleading_face::pleading_face::pleading_face:

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You spoke to him at the wrong time. You should have waited for him to sober up so u can have an adult conversation. Try again when sober and agree on certain things

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Woo he is out of line fuck that. Wait till he’s sober and confront that bullshit. He don’t need to be acting like a damn teenager. And you don’t deserve to be disrespected like that.

If caught he would be pulled over and charged with drinking and driving and maybe other charges for having an off road vehicle So no, you are not wrong to be upset.

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Not very grown a$$ man if he does this dumb :poop:

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That would be a deal breaker. I can’t say I wouldn’t leave him or call the cops on him the next time he does it

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You’re not wrong. My aunt’s husband was in one of those and had a serious accident (while drinking). Went straight into a tree and got ejected head first, he’s lucky to be alive and had life long injuries. Spent a very long time in the hospital and it took a serious toll on my aunt’s mental health as you can imagine. It’s not a toy, it’s just like any other vehicle. Operating it while under the influence isn’t okay.

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Remind him that the moment he made a child with you and said “I Do” that it became your business as well. But if he wants you to “mind your business” that he can figure out his own bail money if he ever gets arrested and charged with a DUI and he can also figure out another place to stay afterwards because when you’re lying about drinking and driving you obviously have a problem that needs to be addressed. In the mean time because he is irresponsible and makes childish decisions make sure he has a decent life insurance policy to cover costs if anything happens as you have a child to raise and bills to pay.

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Something my Gramma taught me was to never confront them when their drunk. Wait till they are sober and give it to them then. It works better for everyone involved.

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Here’s my advice. Don’t worry about him, let him get into his stupid shit and when it hits the fan, let him live in it and deal with it himself. He needs to learn. I know it’ll be hard since you love him and care for his safety, but these type of people have issues with this type of love and call it "controlling " so just let them be and tell them, I told you so. Now deal with it.

Take out a life Insurance policy and Call it a day!

I’d sell the d thing or make him! He could be sitting in jail, the hospital, or the morgue right now :frowning:

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He sounds immature and reckless. You deserve piece of mind in a marriage, not worry and disrespect. He does not respect your concerns

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Men can be like overgrown babies until a bad accident happens and then no one wants to say II told you so… Drinking and those machines don’t mix you need a clear head using those things and if he is too immature to realize that what are you doing with him? What if he takes one of your kids on it when he has had too many and there is an accident? You have to think of these things down the line…really think about this if you are going to stay with him and he isn’t going to grow up!

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All guys and gals have the freedom to be immature and silly…but not when it’s dangerous… you’re in the right honey xxx

Very dangerous, seen accidents first hand. Try when he’s sober to have a real conversation. Good luck!

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He’s a grown man, let the law pick him up and when he calls you to bale him out, tell him to call that grown man. Then when he gets home say u can drink with ur friends all night , I just don’t wont u to drive. I don’t want you to drive drunk and get killed, because I love u , u big dummy.

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Stay in your own lane he’s not your child.

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Im an extremist to be honest, but when it comes to my actions affecting my husband and child? They can ask me not to do something and that’s then end.
I would never expect my husband to put up with me drink driving or acting unsafe in any way .
You are not in the wrong.

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Just call the cops on him.

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Well I’d lock him out next time he pulls some shit like this.

Ummm it is not just his safety but the safety of others! He doesn’t have the right to jeopardize others safety! Not mention the financial implications of a DUI, the mandatory jail time most states have and the implications of a criminal record from a DUI conviction

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Drink driving is a big no for me. Id tell him I’ll report him to the police if he does it again…then do it.

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next time he does it report him to police! He might kill someone - you can do it anonymously

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Grown a** men do not make stupid decisions

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Pop the tires and get rid of it! Then have a long talk with him and if he doesn’t respect you then kick him to the curb!

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Nah you were disrespected. Bc when he gets into legal trouble and loses his job it’s your family suffering not just him. Or when he kills someone it will be you and kiddo suffering. Asking him not to drink and drive is not being overbearing at all. It’s asking him to make responsible choices. But now that you know this is the type of person he is with the D&D and the gaslighting BS do you really want to stay with him and have your child or future children growing to see this as normal behavior? I’d call him in over it with no guilt. He’s driving the go cart now but what happens when it’s the real vehicles? I’d also make sure you’ve got a really really good life insurance plan bc this type of behavior may leave you parenting alone.

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