He sounds like an idiot
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Definitely a disturbance. Maby you all should take a break till he can get his priorities straight. And if he can’t, unfortunately take a full on break. Be together but not live together. As weird as it spinds. Ines will urge you to stay and work it out, and you knew how he was when you got with him and excepted it then, blah blah. Well not always the case. Ones change, and not always for the good. And for the sake of yourself for o e and the child, ya maby it’s time for a SELF evaluation. Cuz clearly he has bigger issues then ither he realizes or just don’t care about. So before it’s too late and things get deeper involved, thin that line NOW.
You can’t have that kind of talk when he’s got alcohol on board so wait till the next day but even then he still isn’t going to get it most likely. The next time he wants friends over to drink hide the keys.
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I’d be minding my business to the lawyers office to get the divorce started.
- I’ll be damned if my grown husband acts like he’s a frat boy with his friends
- He thinks it’s ok to drink and drive any vehicle
- He was very disrespectful
At the end of the day, that type of drinking will fall down onto you and your child.
Get out now.
Your husband has not grown up yet. Your raising 2 kids. Good luck. Sounds like he runs the relationship and he won’t stop
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He sounds very immature. I’d tell him to grow up or get out.
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But if he was arrested he’d call you to get out 
nah not my business? Don’t call me 
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My boyfriend did something like this but was driving a vehicle , He told me he didn’t need a mother . When he called me at 2 am DUI I didn’t go get him. I have since broke up w him
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If he was a “grown ass man” he wouldn’t be drinking and driving.
If he is a grown A** man he sure isn’t acting like it!
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My ex was the same about his motorcycles. When he first started getting them, there was no drinking. Then slowly he started. I’d warn him, remind him. Anything to make him stay home. He is currently finishing out a 3 year bid in some jail 5 hours away from us. He has missed out on over 900 days of his daughter’s lives. It will be a total of like 1095 days. All because he thought he was invincible. I don’t feel bad for him, I feel bad for our daughters.
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I would just up my life insurance on him.
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My ex husband is a drunk. Drinks in the car. Well used to he had to get rid of his truck. I don’t speak with him anymore. He has driven like this for years no matter the amount of fighting, the threats of leaving calling the cops. He didn’t care. My bonus daughter I raised since she was 2.5 he took when he left. He told her no rules. No he has 3 children he’s not allowed go see. I finally had enough. A part of me will always care about him but when they say that line between love and hate is thin they weren’t wrong.
My point is if you want change you can’t just use words. You actually have to do it. I thought our family was more important than his drinking and he just keeps proving me wrong.
So tell him however you like. You get behind the wheel of any motorized vehicle again I’ll pack the kids and leave. But you actually have to do it. I packed and left. But didn’t want my dad to know our issues didn’t have the money for a hotel so I ended up going back after a cool down period.
As immature as this sounds sometimes I just want my mom. (She’s been gone since 2017, I was 30) idk if you have someone you can talk to and see what they say. I also told my husband not to call me if he got pulled over with dwi. Bc I have sleeping children your sitting there. It went to ill just call this person. I said then that person can take you home. Before saying that he wrapp3d my car around a tree. Luckily he walked out without a scratch swore he’d never drink and drive. Mi d you there were multiple cops and I had to go pick him up. I didn’t know at the time that he was drinking. Promised me it would never happen again that some guy was snow blowing in the middle of the road. Idk if that was true cops were talking to another guy. But he lies and gas lights hence the ex part.
You should’ve waited to confront him when he was sober… But he’s an ass for this
This is a conversation to have when he is Sober not going to hear you when he is drinking
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Let him learn from his consequences
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Get a hefty life insurance policy and long term disability insurance on this man child and hope you don’t have to use it.
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Id be the right bitch and report his arse and location and let the police deal with his drunken grown man arse and when he calls for you to come get him, have him call his mates who more than likely encouraged his stupid behaviour…
He is right. Your not his mother. Your his partner. Let him learn from his own mistakes. Or if u don’t want to live that life then leave.
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Tell him to be a better role model for his child if he can’t do it for himself.
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Hes setting a great example for his child isn’t he?
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Are you married to me ex husband? Lol I’m sorry your husband is a turd
You let him walk over you once he’s gonna do it throughout the whole relationship. I’d find someone else. No matter how much you think you love him. I stayed for 30 yrs. I finally left, never been happier. Just sorry I didn’t leave sooner. They don’t change. It only gets worse.
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Hide the keys next time he’s drinking with his buddies.
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You’re not wrong but you can’t control a fellow adult either so there’s not much you can do
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He’s right, he is a grown ass man… So when he ends up getting put in jail, let his dumbass sit there. Tell him this is not the example you want set for your children and he could at least be the man he wants his daughter to marry someday.
Red flags leave him.
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I’m sorry about the people defending him in this thread. That’s literally your husband, the father of your child and they’re acting like he’s your single brother in law 
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I totally get how you feel? You are right to feel that way! You can foresee a future problem? You can imagine that he gets in trouble? Or he has a deadly accident or something? But yes? He’s a grown man? You sound like his mother? Nobody wants to hear that? Especially when they are trying to have fun? Don’t be a buzz kill? Something will eventually happen? You will have to clean up his mess? The only thing you can do is wait for it? Then tell him 500x a day? “I TOLD YOU SO”! 
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I would of called the cops on his ass. Too many innocent lives taken but such stupidity He got off lucky with you just being upset.
Yea it’s ok but don’t let him know
He’s a grown ass man child. I guarantee if he would have wrecked or got a DUI he would blame you.
call them cops on him next time, let him deal with a DUI and call it a day. Lesson learned. Stupid games, stupid prizes. 
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Stop trying to control adults. Ask your individual therapist if they think you’re ready to address your codependency issues. If you decide to resolve that you will be able to get past letting other peoples attitudes and behaviors control your emotions. It will also help with all the other nonsense being married to an alcoholic brings🤣
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Hes a child. Period.
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Next time, say nothing and throw the keys in a dumpster or a lake after he goes to bed - he’ll think he lost them.
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My husband would act the same way and gas lights me. You’re not my mother stop f*** telling me what to do
Drinking and driving is deadly!! But honestly he’s a grown man let him go. But if that mf ever gets pulled over and hauled to jail when he uses his one phone call to call you to nail him out you tell him exactly what he said to you that night. You’re a grown ass man worry about yourself and hang up.
I would have sent the cops to the location….
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Not only is he putting himself in danger, he is putting others in danger by drinking and driving. If he wants to chance that then I would tell him to leave or to get his shit together and act like a grown man.
Ur not wrong. He is wrong for lying but I am also going through a stage where I HATE to be told what to do by my husband. He is not my dad and I do not need permission from him to do anything. My life my prerogative. He doesn’t like something we can talk it out but it’s still my choice. Same goes for my husband. I never want him to feel controlled or micromanaged. We’ve been married 17 years.
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your husband is a grown ass man. But I do understand your frustration. But with everything that is posted here, about everything, your post is a calm one, So either deal with this, get great life insurance on him or leave him if this bothers you
I wouldn’t call that gaslighting. He’s a grown man, do you want him to tell you what to do every time you leave the house?
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Make sure you have a insurance policy on him
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Divorce. Protect your child.
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So when he ends up in jail and calls you tell him that’s he’s a grown a** man he can figure it out.
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Call it in next time 
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He has an alcohol issue love it’s not you
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Interesting to read everyone’s perspective. so many people want to control others!! WOWZAAAA! It’s a little shocking people get mad when we say “live and let live”. Wonder which couples have healthier relationships. The ones that say “stop controlling” or the ones that say “call the cops”.
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I’d be doing nothing else for him until my point gets across. I wouldn’t be doing any of his laundry, dishes or anything else you may possibly do for him. Then when he asks you about it I’d say you told me to worry about myself, so I am.
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He’s 100% wrong. He wanted to do his thing that night and doesn’t care. Stand your ground. He needs to listen to you if he cares. And let him know, if he gets hurt or goes to jail, he’s on his own to clean-up the mess because he’s a grown a$$ man. You’re not picking him up at 1 am from jail, and if he loses a limb or his job, he will have to deal if you decide to bounce, since he made bad choices that you voiced your opinion about.
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You have every right to butt your nose in his business, he is making irresponsible decisions that not only affect him but your life also, not to mention putting his life and others in danger. Luckily nothing went wrong but so many things could have gone wrong that could have turned your whole world upside down.
You’ve voiced your concerns & he doesn’t care. So if & when some consequences occur make sure the grown ass man handles it all by himself.
My husband died from drinking and driving. You have every right to be worried and he has no right to treat you like that. But, boys are invincible and nothing touches them right?? Yeah, my man thought the same 
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You are worrying about yourself. Does he have life insurance? What happens if he crashes and gets killed? You’re by yourself. What happens if he kills someone else while driving drunk? He’s in jail and you’re by yourself. What happens if he gets caught and gets a dwi? He’s in jail possibly, might lose his job and you’re left to pick up the pieces. Tell him to grow the fck up.
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You have a right to feel how you feel, but he is his own person. You can let him know you don’t like it as it makes you worried about him but in the end it’s his decision to make, everyone’s got to make mistakes in life to learn from them not much you can do.
Technically by definition not gaslighting, however wildly disrespectful and dishonest. Not to mention illegal and totally unsafe. Sorry mama.
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Omg these people sayin it’s no big deal 
if he crashed and hurt himself or someone else, it’s no big deal? I’d he got a dui and had to pay thousands of dollars… no big deal? I absolutely agree with you. I would reiterate the boundaries you are comfortable with and what the line is for you. If it were me I’d say the go cart is gone if you endanger yourself and our family again. Wait until he’s sober and able to think rationally to discuss it.
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So he’s a grown ass man. Make sure his life insurance is paid up, and if/when his poor decisions land him in trouble, don’t bail him out. Tough love.
Nope u are absolutely right and he needs to grow the fuck up
Nope, you are not wrong.
Most places allow sxs/utv on the roads specially if ur outside the city. Next him telling u hes grown is not gaslighting it sounds like u gas lite him and like ur trying to control him…its one thing to express concern but to get all mad that he didnt listen to u isnt exactly right either…u both handled the situation crappy learn to communicate better u both are being disrespectful!!! Drink and driving is bad!!!
Sounds like you married an irresponsible boy, not a grown ass man. 
I wouldn’t even be friends that did stupid shit like that. You’re not wrong to worry but he is right, he can do what he wants but you don’t have to stand by and watch him do stupid stuff and wind up hurt. Start getting out of there and let him be a child.
I think your husband is a child. It also sounds like he has a drinking problem. My husband had a drinking problem on the beginning of our relationship. He ended up with 3 dwis. He eventually quit drinking and has been sober 8yrs this month. You’re not the one in the wrong here.
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I would 100% be upset. We live in the country and everyone rides side by sides on the road out here. I would be upset about my husband driving one while drinking on our backroads, let alone also driving it to a bar while drinking. I feel like that’s asking for a DUI. You definitely have the right to be upset by his actions and by his response.
Not to mention that he could have killed himself or someone else. Im wondering if everyone on this post dogging the OP would be upset if their spouse was drinking and driving their car? Who wouldn’t be? It’s irresponsible and illegal. This is even worse imo because this vehicle isn’t even street legal (unless you have one of those triangles which I’m assuming you don’t) so he’s asking to get pulled over even more.
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Confronting him while he was still drunk/not sober probably wasn’t the best idea. And I don’t feel by going he disrespected her and i think putting himself in danger should be the main focus and yes she should be upset about that.
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That is not gaslighting. But it is dishonest and hurtful. He is a grown man, and while its natural to worry- it will only cause him to feel resentful of you for mothering him. I’d be worried too but we can’t control what people do, sadly.
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I completely understand your worry and concern but he’s going to do what he sees fit. you can’t stop him. I always give the fair warning and if you fuck up that’s on you. I’m not going to mom a grown man. it’s hey this is stupid you know that ok have fun. but im also the dumbass with great ideas so im mutual in this lol
I say have a conversation with him about it when he’s sober and see what he says then. Maybe the alcohol was still inhibiting his logical thinking. Try again an see what he says. If it’s still the same mentality then the next time let him go let him get in trouble on his own an tell him you tried talking to him about it an he didn’t want anything to do with it now he must pay the consequences.
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You have every right to be upset. I would make him get life insurance and everything set up just in case. And if he wants to act like a teenage boy that does stupid dangerous stunts but when it comes to if he ends up in jail to sober up I’d tell him what he told you, that he’s a grown a** man and these are his grown @** consequences.
He sounds disrespectful and most of all immature. I hate that bs “I’m a grown man” comment they always make. Like ok if your a grown man then act like one!
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If your married his business is your business and vice versa, you’re right and he is wrong but I wouldn’t be confronting the situation while he’s intoxicated because it will solve nothing.
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Never confront him still drunk. Wait intill the nut is sober. This is you could get hurt .
After 15 years of putting up with a husband drinking every night, yelling, screaming, belittling me and everyone I chose to be my friend, I finally got strong enough to leave. We have 3 boys who didn’t need to see/grow up with beer every night. If you’re tired of babysitting your husband, leave and see if he really wants you in his life. That’s when he gets to make another choice. You or the alcohol. You get called all kinds of names from his friends and family but it’s worth it for your health!!
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Have you heard of Al-Anon before?
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He’s definitely being irresponsible, a lot to lose that would effect others, drinking causes that lack of judgement. Have the conversation when he’s sober, otherwise every answer will be wrong.
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Some of these answers seriously scare me… the fact that y’all have kids yet some of you are defending drunk driving is beyond worrying.
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He sounds like a alcoholic and until he wants to stop there is nothing you can do
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That isn’t gaslighting but it is very disrespectful. He is a manchild.
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Sounds like a drinking problem. And needs to be addressed when his sober.
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He knows u hav his location?
You got a man child. You are NOT wrong.
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First of all going by what you’ve put in this post he sounds like he may have a drinking issue, secondly he has no disregard for any sort of human life and what kind of damage he may cause if he was in an accident to not only himself but to his friends and other people. Lastly I would have to say if you all have been together for so long and you are so worried about his well-being and how he is doing and what he is doing but he tells you to mind your business then obviously he does not consider himself to be your business. Like many have said above do not confront him when he is drunk wait until he is sober and then ask him his feelings towards you. Ask him if you are considered his business and if what you do is considered his business since you all are married and have a kid if he says yes that what you do is his business then ask him exactly why what he does and his well-being is not considered your business? If he can’t answer that then it pretty much answers itself. I have been with my husband since I was 15 years old we have a 17 soon to be 14 and a 12-year-old all boys. My husband is my business and I am his. Anything that either one of us do is each other’s business because whether it be good or bad it pertains to our kids well-being on anything that we do. He is obviously not thinking about you as his wife nor thinking of his kid. If he wants to relive his teenage years of running around drunk all the time then maybe it would be best for you and the child to go and allow him to do that if that’s what he really wants. A tiger doesn’t change his stripes. Sorry for rambling but that’s just my two cents on it. Best of luck momma!
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Do as he says… mind ur business… who can’t hear will feel… don’t stress over grown ppl even if it’s ur husband…
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He has told you this while he was still drunk. So what does he say about it when he’s sober? It’s your right to worry. But don’t drive yourself nuts over it.
If you can’t get him or someone else who loves him to see the dangers of drinking and driving… he’s not going to change.
So either be prepared to deal with this consistently-along with the fights and legal battles that WILL EVENTUALLY progress through these situations…. Or leave now before he hurts or kills himself or someone else.
Address this only when he’s sober. And maybe go to an Al-Anon meeting to learn how to deal with this. It could help. 🫶🏼
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… he is right. He is a grown man. You’re not his mama. His mama raised him, that’s not your job.
If he wants to die drinking and driving, or go to jail… Let him. Love can’t change someone. Only time and experience can.
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Yeah you have every right to be worried and I feel he should be quite thankful that he has such a caring and loving wife rain and loving wife you never said that he couldn’t go out and have fun you just want him to do it safely and I don’t see anything wrong with that I worry about my significant other all the time I think that’s a part of loving someone
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Well if you told him off in front of his friends I can see why he got defensive. In a way you disrespected him first treating him like a child, you should’ve waited until they left then had a talk………however if you know he was drunk and driving you should’ve called the cops ! Someone could’ve gotten hurt , he could’ve run over a child or driven into a car and died !!! you don’t even have to say it was you, you just report someone tossing cans from a vehicle etc …… you said you didn’t want him to get hurt …. Well this is a way to keep him safe !!! ……unless he wasn’t drunk and you were just mad because he disobeyed you …… then yes you are being over controlling.
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So first of all I know you are not wrong.
You guys are in a marriage together, and a family together. Those two things mean that you have a commitment to behave a certain way and treat somebody a certain way in order for it to function. Additionally he’s also a member of society and his community and he’s putting them at risk.
So first of all, he lied to you. He straight up lied. That sets the precedent and proves that he’s willing and capable to lie to you about anything as long as he feels it’s justified. He said he wasn’t drinking you observed a beer in his hand and a beer in the vehicle and then he went to a bar, the end
Secondly, you’re not supposed to operate anything under the influence of alcohol. No heavy machinery no dirt bikes no off-roading things. Not only could he hurt himself but he could absolutely hurt somebody else. What if he plowed into a pedestrian. I have a friend whose teenage son was killed by a man who was intoxicated and driving dirt bikes with his friends on the road.
Third, you have set a boundary and expectations previously. Those being that you don’t want him drinking and driving. Those are your boundaries but also the law and he violates them. That’s a problem.
Fourth, it seems like he has a problem with alcohol.
It’s not healthy to literally need alcohol so much that you’re going to destroy relationships and break laws in order to have it. He should have either been happy to take a cab or get a ride to the bar or not drink. And the way he spoke to you not appropriate
Also like you said you have a family together so you are supposed to care and you do have a say in what he does with his life regardless of his age. His death would affect you not just emotionally but financially and the same goes for your son.
I would sit down and write a letter detailing the reasons why this is wrong and upsetting. Try not to be accusatory and say what he does. Just explain how the behavior impacts you and what the dangers are. Ask him to please recommit to the relationship by deciding that he’s going to respect you your feelings and your boundaries and not lie. Once you let him get away with it he’ll just keep doing it. Make sure that you give it some time and everybody is calmed down and then just give it to him to read and walk away don’t engage in argument. Tell him after he’s read it he can come back and discuss anything he wants with you in a respectful manner
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Call the cops on his ass next time! He sounds like a bad person and that’ll help you in the child custody case, if needed.
First of all I understand why you feel like you do truly. Second of all I don’t think him telling you he’s a grown ass man is gaslighting you, he was just stating a fact. And you said yourself he was drinking with his buddies and you waited to confront him on leaving etc till he came home so he’s probably a little more buzzed up then when he left, which always makes our lips looser and our attitudes more than they would normally be. And I understand that your a mother and you worry etc etc but you’re not his mother you’re his wife(&yes there is a difference even when he is acting like a child). This is one of those times where I don’t think you were wrong but I think you confronting him on it your timing and approach was wrong you were upset and he’d been out drinking with the boys all night not a really good combination for a good conversation about why you feel disrespected especially at the end of the night when it’s late and alcohol’s been involved.
My brother died from drinking and driving, 500 ft from home. He was so irresponsible he even had my daughter in the truck with him. Thankfully she wasn’t hurt to bad. Drinking and driving is a deadly combination.
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Gaslighing.
And you drink and drive and ill divorce you . You risking yourself fine you are an adult risking other people nah
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You called him out on his immature bs and he got defensive in a toxic way. Never try to approach the a negative situation while he’s intoxicated, you will get no where. Wait until the next day. When a lot of people are under the influence they only think about themselves and are reckless. He obviously had hype friends who didn’t make the situation any better. In his eyes he thought he was having fun, didn’t think about any consequences, put himself and others in a dangerous situation and disrespected you. He needs to lay off the alcohol until he can be more responsible
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Some of these comments are ridiculous! He is a GROWN, MARRIED man. He needs to grow the fuck up!
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Hide the battery. He wants to act like a child you treat him like one
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No he’s acting like a child. Telling him if he wants to be treated like a grown up to start acting like one. How selfish is he to put his life at risk or gets arrested and leaves you home with a toddler and the house and all the responsibilities that come with being an adult.
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It’s not his safety id care about… bcz obviously he doesn’t care, its the other innocent persons on the road.
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