My boyfriend, 33, started a new job several months ago which requires him working 60 hours a week sometimes. From the beginning he described how much drama & gossip there is constantly, which was surprising to me due to the line of work. His words were that it’s worse than high school. I’m 37 & when it comes to my relationship I’m protective & loyal. Since hearing all the negative in this case, I expressed I wouldn’t be comfortable with him exchanging numbers with females who aren’t HR/supervisors/managers. After his orientation his trainer turns out to be a 23 year old young lady who is new herself & they’ll be working all these hours & shifts together. My guy loves me & is good to me, I don’t think much of it. He’s always been one to tell me about stuff going on in his life with his friends, family, work etc. When he started his training he’d come home super stressed. He’d tell me how all his trainer does is gossip & talk shit about other coworkers, make him paranoid of getting fired & is all around bitchy with an attitude toward him. So I personally was not fond going off that. Fast forward a few months later, he is no longer in training & on a different shift with guys who don’t talk sh*t all day. He came home from work last week & is telling me about his schedule. He nonchalantly throws in how she had text it to him & I was blown because I didn’t know they exchanged numbers. Turns out they did 3 wks prior. He told me they did incase of work emergencies, being as she trained him, which I completely understand. My issue is that he knew this is something I’d at least like to know whatever the case may be & he hid it rather than fill me in. We’ve always been pretty good at communicating but to me he hid this. His excuse was he knew it’d cause an argument. The fact he hid it did cause an argument. Had he been honest & given me the chance to understand it’s for emergency purposes only, there would have been no argument. He’s always told me I can look in his phone anytime I want & vise versa. So I decided to see what else had been said if anything, other than sending him a schedule, which he also would’ve seen himself at work the next morning as it was posted. Everything they’ve messaged that I saw has been about work. But it’s like she wants them keeping tabs on each other. She comes off bossy in her messages. Tells him to do this or that rather than ask. He told me after the schedule she’d probably never even text him again. Well she has. The latest text she sent him was the night after I found out they exchanged numbers. She messaged him at 10:30 pm, asking if he’d gotten stuck working a double. I’m not threatened by this girl in any way. She herself is engaged. But I feel like why’s she worried about mine when she has her own? I’ve been pondering on this all week. Because now I’m like is this how our relationship is going to go, we hide stuff from each other so as not to cause an argument? I’m upset he wasn’t transparent. I’ve blocked & deleted guys on social media because they come at my inbox & it’s downright disrespectful to my man in my eyes. I personally do not make any new guy friends that I didn’t already have before dating nor give any man my number out of respect. I feel like I’m older & have been around the block & I don’t want my man, who’s supposed to be going to work, to be getting caught up in other people’s drama filled lives. If the people were professional I wouldn’t think anything of it. He told me when they did work together that he never got in the middle of the drama, he’d just sit & let her talk her stuff & nod his head & go mmhmm, mmhmm. I don’t even get why he’d do that it’s almost entertaining it to me. I love him but now I question what else has he hidden. I am in no way trying to control him. He has a ton of friends, hangs with them when he wants. Goes out when he wants. They’re always welcome to our home. He goes to the gym, shops does all kind of stuff without me & vise versa. But this rubs me wrong. She’s messaged him several times about irrelevant stuff & I feel like it will continue. I’m his 1st & only serious relationship as well. He’s one of the good guys that’s been done wrong over and over by females. That alone has always made me protective of his feelings. But he doesn’t seem to care that I’m uncomfortable with this. I understand & try to ‘pick my battles’. I can’t help but feel a little crossed.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like a line has been crossed in my relationship
Just bc she is engaged doesnt mean she wont go for your man. 1030 at night? My spidey senses are saying its more than you think…
You’re being irrational. You expect him to have your same moral compass and that isn’t fair to him. I’m older than you and girl you sound exhausting. If I have to worry about my man and his coworkers that much, I either don’t need a man or I need to check myself. You’re almost 40, you’re not 20. You have to understand that being upset over your man texting a coworker about work isn’t a good thing and does come off looking possessive.
You sound like you’re trying to convince yourself that you’re not controlling and give all these reasons why you’re not, but you are acting controlling and possessive right now.
My advice is to either get over it or get over him. Because he shouldn’t have to make his work life uncomfortable because of your insecurities.
I feel like you are overreacting…by alot. It doesn’t sound like he is doing anything suspicious. You are causing an issue when there isn’t one.
Girl… you’re being too much. If I was his friend, I would tell him to run; that’s too much. I work in a field with a lot of men and over time a few of us have become friends. My man knows them as their others know me. It’s a respect thing, but don’t expect him to not have friends of the opposite sex. You say you don’t feel threatened but I think there must be some type of insecurity somewhere.
I don’t see it has he was hiding the fact that they exchanged numbers. You sound very controlling. I think ur bf needs to run fast. They were texting about work they are not talking about how they wanna meet up and have sex. You have trust issues that you need to work on.
I think he should handle his work stuff and the people at his job. It really shouldn’t concern you if you trust him. Even if she is going for him do you trust him to say no to her? If so let him handle it. If not then you shouldn’t be with him. I also don’t think you should project the way you think onto him. There is no need not to talk to men or have guy friends just because you are with someone. If that’s what you choose to do that’s fine but you can’t expect him to follow that.
There may or may not be an issue there but one thing that is clear is…you ARE jealous!!! Take some deep breaths and ask yourself is this enough to ruin what sounds like otherwise a great relationship!!
You need to put your big girl panties on and drop it. He’s given you no reason to not trust him. She may not even realize that she’s making you uneasy. Try talking to her; after all she is younger and younger girls tend to be outgoing and social. You’re making a mountain out of a mole hill.
I quit reading this when you said you weren’t threatened by her… you are OBVIOUSLY threatened or this post wouldn’t exist. You woulda went about your business trusting him.
Jesus christ that was a long ass book you just wrote a out absolutely nothing. 
absolutely blowing it out of proportion
Welcome to construction!
Only time mine brings home any drama is when he knows I will laugh.
Honestly you seem really insecure. He didn’t tell you they exchanged numbers because it’s not a big deal to him. You said it yourself that all they talked about was work so why are you worried? It’s a coworker. Not some random girl he met at a bar and gave his number to. You need to get over it and stop projecting your insecurities and distrust onto him 
He didn’t tell you because you’re making a big deal about nothing like he predicted. They’ve only been discussing work. You want to control him.
This sounds exhausting. If you trust him then let it go. He did tell you just not how you wanted him to tell you.
You’re over thinking it. Just relax. The more you stress about it, the more unnecessary drama it will cause in your relationship. Then before you know l, he will start venting to her about you hating her.
I’ve had many female coworkers phone numbers over the years and it’s always been work related if we ever called or texted. My former boss was a female. She would text us our schedules every week, because things would constantly change day to day.
Tl:Dr…
I had to stop. You’re acting crazy. Making mountains out of mole hills.
You either trust him or you dont.
Girl your whole post sounds like red flag city…for HIM. If I were him I’d start planning my exit asap.
I’m exhausted reading this…
You do sound threatened by her, though. I feel like he should have come to you first and told you about exchanging numbers with her, BUT other than that he’s not giving you any kind of reason to be suspicious about anything he’s doing.
“Other females…” you mean other women. 
You sound exhausting and insecure. 
It seems like overreacting but a lot of times relationships form from something innocent like work. As long as he can keep that boundary w her and respect you I think it should be okay… but it’s very easy for something innocent to become real feelings and that’s hard to avoid. Just have to trust that your man will do right by you… we can’t control what people do regardless of how many times we bring it up to them or make big arguments. My partner owns his own business and he has a website designer who he pays to upkeep. She’s an older woman and she’s very nice, but when they talk on the phone they end up straying from business and are like friends. I was intimidated by that and hurt bcs they would talk for like an hour or two on the phone, but I know that my man wouldn’t ever put us in a position to hurt us. He needs a good relationship with the people he works with and that’s important for us to understand. After I complained about their long talks, he still talks to her but is aware I don’t like the LONG convos. She knows about me and they share things about eachothers lives. That was me just being insecure… but it’s something to always watch out for. Keep it in mind but don’t let it get in between your trust until there is truly something to be mad at.
In all honesty, it sounds pretty insecure and controlling
He should not have your permission to have his supervisors phone number.
It sounds like he works at the post office lol
You’re throwing 
by telling him who he can exchange number with regarding co workers. Get a hobby!
“ not jealous “ makes a whole ass post !! Chill. It’s not that serious.
I do think your over reacting a bit but at the same time he should be more considerate of your feelings… I do feel 1030 at night is to late to be texting if it’s not an emergency, but also I feel you are quite insecure and need to work on that or leave the relationship and work on urself without him.
You sound super insecure and that’s a you problem, not your man’s problem. You need to work on yourself for this situation to be better
I got a headache reading this
You DO realize there’s way worse things that he could be hiding from you right? Have you read ANY of the other posts in this group? Now if you would’ve seen some messages that were actually questionable, then yes be weary. But you proved to yourself there’s nothing going on. Mention your feelings and move on. If I was him and I came across this post, I’d leave to get away from being controlled. Things could be worse. He made a friend at work. Be happy that he’s not an antisocial asshole. If you can’t get over their talking and mostly about work, then you should leave.
What sort of feedback are you wanting from this post? That’s a lot of words to say “I AM threatened by her” or “I DONT trust him”
LOL after reading this again, it totally gives joint Facebook account vibes.
This made my eye twitch…
What I just read is, “He vents about his job and I take it personally. I dont trust him with women, but I want to sound like I do. I say I’m not threatened by this woman, but I really am because I am insecure. I dont trust my man, but ill tell everyone I do. This woman sounds bossy, and obviously my man can’t take care of himself and his job so I want to step in when he doesn’t want me to, but who cares what he wants. Also he tried to avoid a fight because he HAD to exchange numbers with a co worker who happens to have a v*gina, and even though I say I wouldnt care, I obviously do because otherwise I wouldnt have told him not to exchange numbers with female co workers in the first place, but now I can blame my anger on him not telling me.”
That is what you said. I think you need some therapy to work on your insecurities if you want a healthy relationship
This was a lot to unpack. With all due respect, you actually do sound a bit insecure. Also controlling, and the fact that you went through the phone is really over the top. perhaps you are creating your own drama?
Sounds like he can’t stand his coworker and how she acts so I guarantee he doesn’t want to deal with your shit either
You sound insecure prior to his deceit. Maybe counselling? Nothing has happened and your stressing yourself out, if something is going to, there’s nothing you can do to stop it so just live your life. If it doesn’t bring you joy is it worth your time.
If he were actually hiding things id say yes you are warranted in you’re feelings,but it appears to be a you problem
You are exhausting . Go eat a snickers 
leave him alone
Reading this I get controlling vibes coming from you. Just by reading this I wouldn’t have told you either. Yikes 
I honestly see why he didn’t tell you… i have a headache after reading this. Poor guy.
Jesus chill out. He’s willing to give u his phone and show you what’s been said and you have read the messages and she clearly has said nothing inappropriate to your husband. You sound jealous and controlling whether you believe it or not. My husband has lots of female co workers and they all write to each other nearly every day. I totally trust my husband and think the girls that I know are lovely and the ones I haven’t met I’m sure are too. You need to calm down before from what you are saying is a good man gets fed up with you and leaves. What type of relationship will you have if you can’t trust him to chat to another girl without thinking to far into it
If he was doing something wrong, you likely wouldn’t know she was texting him. Grow up.
And this is why men don’t keep jobs that often no more because they’re woman wants to be a psycho hormonal weirdo and make a big deal out of everything… Like seriously you need to go to a therapist like ASAP cuz if you don’t start coming rational and jumping to conclusions you’re going to lose your man and it will be your fault no one else’s… I highly doubt the 23-year-old wants somebody in their middle thirties especially she has a man already and she’s getting married like I don’t get it
You’re overthinking this
Poor guy… leave him be to do his job and chill out.
I think the issue in this equation is you, unfortunately. Please seek counseling. Your insecurities and controlling behavior are red flags for disaster.
It’s called boundaries everyone’s relationship is different. You’re ok to be bothered by it. Express how you feel to him and find a solution.
You are your own worst enemy and are over-reacting. The simplest way to kindly advise you is to merely tell you to shut up, you’re making too many unnecessary noises.
You are definitely threatened by her. You’re throwing a fit over basically nothing. You saw the messages between them they are about work. Poor guy.
Leave the poor guy alone. You sound like a control freak
I think your over reacting a bit. His supervisor has to be able to reach him & he’s offered his phone to you to prove he’s done nothing wrong.
I agree with all the above…
After reading this post!
Jesus… are you trying to write a novel?! You sound like too much just from messages 
You’re overthinking it and are obviously insecure AND controlling, or else you wouldn’t have gone out of your way to prove you’re not insecure and controlling. If he’s never done something to alter your trust then I think you’re making this a HUGE deal when it’s not. He should have just told you but obviously he didn’t feel comfortable
You need to get a hobby or something seriously grow up
I’d be upset he didn’t tell me……. But that’s it. My man talks to his female coworkers there. And there’s been times he’s talked to them outside of work. But never out of line. If my man gave me a reason, like coming home extra late and changing her name in the phone that would be different. But he allowed you to see his messages, he told to you when he came home about the convos. He was pretty transparent until he didn’t tell you he got her number for work purposes.
I understand being upset he left that out, but that should be all. And if he felt he could come to you and tell you without you blowing up on him, he probably would have told you. Maybe you’re explosive when you’re angry? Look at how you react when something upsets you, defensive, and realize that’s why he didn’t tell you.
Trust him unless he actually gives you a reason not to. It’s okay girl.
Sounds like you are a little insecure. If you trust him then why does it matter. He works with her and has already shown you that it’s strictly work conversations.
I feel like you being upset over this is one thing but you’ve also created this whole other context with it to… I think how he’s handled it is appropriate actually. It’s your response that went crazy with it.
“I am not threatened by this girl in any way.”
“I am in no way trying to control him.”
Honeyyyyyy… get a grip.
You say you’re not threatened by her, but what you’re saying is that you’re threatened by her. Dis too much.
You sound incredibly jealous and insecure! You don’t get to tell him who he is allowed to exchange numbers with at his job.There are red flags for sure and they are from you…you’re most definitely threatened by her and won’t admit it so you are causing issues with your boyfriend.You are the controlling girlfriend who tried to convince us how you are not controlling in this post but not too many are buying it.I would work on that if this guy is worth keeping because it will push him away fast.
Just from this post I don’t blame him for not mentioning it. He deals with plenty of drama at work apparently who wants to go home and deal with more after a 60hr week bc they got asked about their schedule? You said yourself he’s a good dude, loves you, and is good to you. So if you know that why is this an issue? He didn’t “hide it” from you/was honest when asked. That’s not hiding it, it’s avoiding another issue at home where it’s supposed to be a different environment than his place of work where one can actually relax not deal with the same thing. You stated he avoids being involved in the workplace drama and he nods and says “mhm” and that’s not good enough or what is he supposed to do? If he gets involved with it it’ll be a problem but just nodding and a mhm isn’t good enough. Irrelevant arguments over little stuff and thinking the person is hiding more and more without reason ruins relationships 
You sound exhausting
You maam are in fact “threatened”. You said yourself the convos have been work related. “Im not trying to control him”, but yes you are. Your insecurity shows in this post. Perhaps you are not as “not controlling” as you seem. Read your post from an outside perspective.
You may be insecure sis….you are threatened and you are trying to control him. This post wouldn’t be here if you weren’t
Thats a lot of words for ‘i’m insecure’
If u got beef with the chick go swing by her work be a grown woman n have a chat with this woman and settle it
I’m just going to be completely honest.
You need to grow up. They exchanged numbers for work purposes only. He does NOT need your permission to give coworkers his number. You are NOT his mother so stop trying to control him. Stop being insecure and trying to control him. You are making mountains out of an ant hole.
You are going to be single soon, you sound crazy and obsessed
You’re paranoid and that’s why he didn’t tell you, I get his reasoning.
This sounds like a you problem. It’s 100% normal to experience a little jealousy but this is too much.
You definitely are threatened by her and you made a point of saying she’s younger than you as well which is obviously something you’re thinking about. You said why does she want your man when she has your own but she has literally never once tried to get your man. 
She’s his freaking trainer and you said yourself the only thing she’s ever said to him was about work. She literally does not want your man. She is training him that is her job you know the things she leaves her house every day to get paid for. You need to seriously think about what you made this post because you made yourself look like an idiot after telling us she wants your man but the only thing she’s ever said to him is about work and giving him his schedule lol
You’re overreacting. I’m with him, I think it would have been an argument if he would have told you. After being with someone for 18 years who constantly cheated on me I’ve been with someone for 4 years now and I’ve never looked at his phone nor told him who he can and can’t talk to. It’s called trust. If you can’t trust someone then don’t be with them.
Girl get a hobby or something
If it only has to do with work and nothing else, you have issues
You seriously need to calm down. I can see why he wouldn’t say anything, you wear your insecurities on your sleeve.
She’s crossing a line. There are boundaries within work and personal time. Not okay.
Holy crap if you talk this much at home I’m sure he’s relieved to have someone else to talk to. Talk about overthinking 
Jealousy serves no purpose in a relationship. Decide if you can handle it or not, then act accordingly.
I think you need to take a xanax…
Wow…you are definitely even there threatened by her or extremely controlling.
Trust your gut. I allowed and didn’t think anything of a female contacting my husband of 14 years, because of work. Well, unknowingly to me, they had been having an affair for quite some time. They also had a baby they hid from the world. The child was 2 when I found out. He was living two separate lives.
There’s no reason for small talk. Have boundaries for sure!!
Says it doesn’t bother her and she doesn’t feel threatened… Writes a long post basically exhibiting feeling threatened… 
I stopped reading cuz this is kinda cringy. It’s work so there shouldn’t be a problem. At my job I can literally get co workers s online and they can get mine
I stopped reading. You’re being a bit dramatic. He exchanged phone numbers with his trainer, who text him his schedule. I don’t tell my husband everyone from work who’s number I have because I don’t talk to half of them at all and the ones I do talk to, it’s work related.
You sound controlling and petty. If this is the biggest problem in your relationship, count your blessings. For someone who says they “pick their battles” you’re picking the wrong one!
If you’re this insecure just say so
Can’t believe I just wasted 5 min reading this 
Ease up, Hon. I think you’re ok.
Chill a little. I’m friends with dozens of coworkers of both sexes.
I didn’t even read all of it. I still talk to one of my old guy coworkers weekly & my man knows about it. We are literally just friends & always were close in the job before. Always had each other’s back. It’s nothing more than just friends. This isn’t even that bad of the little I did read.
And I thought I was an overthinker!!! I don’t see this marriage working out very well when there’s such a suspicious nature to one of the spouses. My husband would have been gone a long time ago if I was that controlling and/or suspicious. I believe that the wife should get a job and find out what it’s like in the working field.
Couldn’t read it all wow
Wtf is wrong with you?
I read this whole thing expecting something REALLY fishy to pop up… But then there was nothing. You’re definitely threatened by this girl. So much so that you spend 45min typing this out because she asked him if he had to work a double.
I see why he avoided telling you.
My goodness I just took a huge deep inhale and exhale because woman that is ALOT!! Stop stressing yourself out so much. If your so worried, tell him to block her geez. There should be a boundary when it comes to work and home. Once your home , no discussion of work! Work is stressful as it is… why take it home with you.
This post is a whole bedtime story !! I couldn’t read it all. I just came to read the comments
I think you’re more bothered by it that you want to think you are. Coming from someone in a 24 yr marriage my best advice is just relax. If something’s going on it’ll eventually come out.
You’re ridiculous. And clearly jealous/overbearing. Calm down and back off. Maybe he won’t “hide” these kinds of things.