The fact that YOU yourself are reassuring us (and yourself) that you aren’t “jealous or insecure” just screams that you are. It’s a coworker who talks about work. Sure, 10:30 is late…. Probably not that late to a 23 year old though. Literally if this is your version of “picking your battles” then no wonder he doesn’t get involved in work drama, he has plenty of it at home 
My husband gets text messages at all hours of the night/early morning. From numbers that don’t even have names. He’s a supervisor and the company hires seasonal temps so anyone who needs to call out, has an issue or decides to quit, texts him because it’s easier than a call. I don’t even ask who it is or what it’s about let alone care about their gender or their role in the company because I trust my husband. Literally what’s the difference between a female supervisor texting him vs a female coworker. I use to text a lot more with my coworkers than I ever did my boss because we actually had things to talk about.
Let this poor man focus on his work instead of having to worry about how you’ll react to him working.
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This literally sounds like an 11 page note from a jealous girlfriend in high school. You either trust him or you don’t, and you clearly don’t. If he’s not doing anything wrong, you’re going to drive him to 
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You said you wouldn’t feel comfortable with him exchanging numbers except to HR/Managers/supervisors, then get mad that he has his “bosses” number? I’m confused. Oops trainer. My bad
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He should leave. Sounds like you are so controlling. If you have no reason to look through his phone DONT. Insecurity isn’t cute
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Yeah, I stopped reading this half way through. You are a 37 year old insecure woman. I think you may needed therapy to address the issues, because acting like this will only push him away. No line was crossed.
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Ok so have no doubts but your post says otherwise. You said you aren’t mad they exchanged number but that he didn’t tell you immediately and tell you why. But he explained it was for emergencies when you asked,and you saw the messages yourself and they we all work related. Sounds like you have some insecurities to work through🤷🏽♀️
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If she’s a gossip, he’s stupid. You DO NOT become personal friends with the work gossip. There are zero ways that goes well.
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That’s a whole lot of insecurity. And it’s not pretty.
Sit down and have open communication about what you expect. Find out what he expects. Work out the areas of difference or move on. Your blocking people/not making opposite decisions friends is YOU. Unless he wholeheartedly agreed to co form to that behavior as well, and you CLEARLY communicated it to him, you can’t expect it.
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I’m sorry most people seem to be jumping your case. If it really was work related, why hide it? That not to cause an argument excuse is not how solid relationships work. The only reason your starting to feel threatened is because you expressed your concerns, and then he his this thing from you. Then tried to come back at you with it when you questioned it. There’s a seed there. Communication is key. Lay it out logically for him how you feel and why you feel that way. Give him space to do the same. Maybe it’s not a big deal, but maybe it is, until you’ve both communicated with only each other (or maybe a licensed therapist too), you won’t know for sure adhd it will fester.
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Calm down. I talk to my male co workers all the time. Text, phone, go to lunch together, visit each other’s offices. 
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I can kinda see why he didn’t tell you if this was your reaction… you also spent a lot of time telling everyone all the reasons why you aren’t jealous or threatened by this girl yet it really seems like you are? You said yourself that your man and this girl only text about work so what’s the issue here? I also have an issue with people who feel the need to look through their significant others’ phone. I think you may need to deal with some insecurity issues.
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I’m not bothered by it
Continues to be bothered by it 
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If he will hide something to “prevent” an argument, he’ll hide another thing and another, and it will get progressively bigger. If he doesn’t understand why secrets are a breach of trust, I would rethink things. You don’t want to always be wondering if you’re being lied to.
Really a few moments to think back from an objective point of view. Are there any red flags that you would warn a friend about of she was in your shoes? If so, you REALLY need to rethink things. He might not be for you.
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so much for women supporting you on here.l cant see anything wrong with how well youve explained all this to us. Well written!..no you arent jealous …you are seeing an inappropriate pushy trainer who has taken your man on as like a confidante . Just talk to him and say if this woman is bothering you …you can ignore her after work hours…and you dont have to justify yourself for that to HER …Your private life and home time is not accessible to her.Ask him is this all there is? you can tell me if she has been pushing into your life in any other way? …is she seeing him out with mates and turning up? …then leave it to him to let you know anything else going on
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You sound extremely insecure… From what you said she hasn’t communicated with him about anything except work related things, which you claimed you wouldn’t be mad about and here you are mad about that exact thing. I don’t think he purposely hid it, it’s just a minor detail that wasn’t super important, but I could see why he would hide it from you because you’re coming to FB to go off about it. If you want him to communicate open and honestly with you, then perhaps try not being so judgemental and jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst, especially over small things- that’s going to kill all healthy communication
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This is insane. She is literally in the category of people you gave him the “ok” to exchange numbers with and you’re still doing all of this and causing problems over it? Why would he care that you’re unnecessarily upset over something you “allow” in the first place? Not to mention, you shouldn’t be telling him what he can and can’t do as a grown man, especially when it’s work related. He is your partner, not your property. If you feel the need to keep him on a leash like that in fear of what might happen, you are the problem. If he wanted to, he would. The man didn’t even do anything wrong. You saw the messages.
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I can see why you are bothered but it sounds a ton like you are insecure. This girl is young and needs to learn boundaries about what time to text/message. I constantly text men at work while I’m at work usually about work or to cover each other for lunch. I do however ask for the schedule as soon as it’s out. There is huge insecurity on your part and it sounds like your boyfriend is trying to be open and honest but knows how you are. Either you trust him or you don’t. All this telling you and running things by you is very immature and will drive him away for sure. He mentioned she text him the schedule so he was trying to be honest and you shut him down. He will probably never again tell you anything. I actually feel bad for the guy.
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This man needs to pack his shit and get as far away from your looney ass as possible
Sounds like he hid it cause he already knows you’re insecure. If you trust him so much, act like it. They ain’t done nothing. If you’re acting like this over a non threat, how comfortable is he going to be coming forward about something a little more uncomfortable. Trust and communication goes both ways hon. Be open to listening to him rather than jumping on him for not mentioning it. Even though, he totally mentioned it later, it’s not like you found out by accident…
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Let’s be honest who didn’t read past the 1st quarter 
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If you’re completely honest and transparent you have to admit to yourself you are jealous. This post to me screams jealous, controlling and insecurity. I can understand why he didn’t mention it up front if this is how you’re reacting. You said you’re not worried because she’s engaged herself then you back track to why is she worrying about mine. Just breathe. You’re allowed to have boundaries but work is work. He’s going to have to communicate with his coworkers. You are going to have to learn to accept it and be less reactive. As stated above he is your partner not your property. If you don’t he’s going to be more and more closed off and not want to share anything with you. You’re going to scare him away.
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if u weren threatened by this girl it wouldn bother you as much as it does. ask him to block her number. he he does id say ur good 
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You need to get a life of your own, join a gym, painting class, craft class, book club, something…you have way too much time on your hands to over think, plus it will build your self esteem. Why didn’t she send schedules thru e-mail?
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Relax don’t look for something u don’t wana find
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Wow…as a supervisor at a security, I am invested in all of my guards. Male and female. I make sure they’re all OK work wise, mentally, physically, ect. If I don’t make sure my guards aren’t ok and have some type of work relationship with then, they suffer. They begin to feel as though work is just work and that nobody cares if they’re ok or dealing with something. We have armed guards, guards who work crazy sites, ect. I am there to be the person they can talk to. There are lines I will not cross. But I’ll damn sure make sure my guards are ok and have a sound mind. That they aren’t taking on more than they need to ect.
You day you aren’t jealous. But you obviously have control issues as well
It wouldn’t even occur to me to inform my husband that I got a coworkers number and the other way around as well. It’s kind of a given that you will have most of not all your coworkers numbers.
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You are crazy and toxic. You need counseling for your own issues.
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You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. They haven’t said anything inappropriate, it’s solely work stuff. He probably just didn’t think it was relevant to tell you they exchanged numbers - people exchange numbers at work all the time. My bf has the numbers of basically everyone he works with so they can keep each other in the loop. They also talk about random stuff from time to time because there are friendships formed while at work.
Relax.
It sounds like you are insecure and controlling.
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Girl take a xanax. Holy cow. You are over analyzing things way too much. Do you trust HIM? If the answer is yes its an end all answer. You need not worry about ANYTHING else. If you dont trust him…why are you there?
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My bf has kept things from me and I found out…he said he knew how I would react and it was nothing to get upset over. I told him I would rather know go through the emotions cause he knows I always think about it and get over it…I told him not telling me makes me trust him less
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Unpopular opinion. Having just worked with a female like this that eventually turned into an affair disaster (albeit short-lived) with one of our married co-workers, it would be reasonable for your husband to set some boundaries. Nothing wrong with “Out of respect to my wife, please don’t text after 8pm” or he can simply give short curt responses when she texts him (or if it’s later at night, just not respond)
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I work on a team of 13 men. I have all their numbers and vice versa. We all text (both work and not work related). We’ve only had 1 issue and even that dude called his GF nuts because she wanted him to quit because of me. He was our UPS guy and I work in warranty. He was texting me photos of UPS labels so I could forward them to customers.
Gotta admit I didn’t read it all but I got the point. You’re way over reacting. I have all my coworkers numbers. Men/women/single/married.
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This is literally the dumbest thing I’ve read. Unfortunately you seem to be way too insecure.
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Oh boo-hoo! Stop looking for problems or you will cause them!
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Yikes. Tell him to run from you. You’ve got issues
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Seek therapy and join a gym and get a hobby. That poor man.
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I don’t understand why any spouse/partner would be involved in anything to do with work. What they need to do for work is for work. Who cares if it’s male or female. We have no business being involved in anyones work life. Stay in your lane.
Also…I feel like your man may begin to feel emasculated. You seem to be the man in the relationship doling out what he can and cannot do. I would NEVER attempt to tell my husband what he can or cannot do.
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I am the only female on the line in a shop full of guys and 90% of the shop exchanges numbers so we don’t have to play where’s Waldo when we have questions, you saw work messages not sexy pics let it go before you cause a huge fight
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You definitely sound threatened by a coworker. and controlling. The man can’t have female friends at work and you go through his phone.
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You sound incredibly insecure… I’d strongly suggest getting yourself into some therapy before you push this man away bc he sounds like a decent guy
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Sounds like you have some trust issue and you are controlling. I’d be afraid to say anything to you either because it seems like you have a problem with everything if it involves the opposite sex. That man has a job and he’s going to work with females if you don’t trust him and you don’t think that he’s going to be loyal to you then you need to leave and let that man go.
Why don’t you save your fingers and just type “my husbands former trainer texted him and I’m insecure and now my mind is going haywire because another female texted my man. I trust him, but now I don’t because he didn’t tell me he exchanged numbers with a superior. All she did was ask if He got stuck working a double; but I don’t like it because it’s a female…”
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This is a lot to unpack! Honey you’re 37 so please leave your past where it is and learn to trust YOURSELF. Bottom line is you don’t even trust your own decisions so you question everyone else’s. It’s a coworker and you admitted there were no inappropriate exchanges so what’s the problem? You MUST feel threatened by this girl.
Please start healing yourself because no one should have to walk on eggshells and it sounds like your boyfriend has to.
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I think u have a rt to pissed bc after all he did hide it so it wouldn’t cause a fight and that’s just stupid bc how long did he think he would be able to hide it and what exactly did he think would happen once u found out he hid it, however, everything else seems harmless. Just let him know how it made u feel and tell him u want transparency at all times going forward. Try to let it go. She’s engaged and I truly don’t think it’s anything to worry about. I have everyone’s # that I work with just so I can be reached and soI can reach someone if I need to call off or whatever. I don’t work with any men but if I did I’d definitely let my man know I had those # just to prevent something like this from happening. It’s all good! Just kiss and makeup and move on and be happy. It sounds like u have a good man so hold onto him
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Get yourself together. You are sounding so insecure. If he’s so great and treats you so amazing. Then why are you looking for problems. this post seems like you really don’t trust or care about his feelings unless it benefits you always and never him. Giiirl get yourself together 
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Do not be that controlling partner who thinks they have a say in who has someone’s number. She’s not coming after him. She’s literally talking to him about their job. If he doesn’t like he can tell her to knock it off esp at 10 something at night. You say your not trying to be controlling so just don’t be… are you jealous that they have a relationship that doesn’t involve you? You need to figure out why you’re acting this way and fix it bc being “protective” like this is controlling and it’s already negatively impacting the relationship.
My husband has to a of coworkers numbers including females. Most of the time they message each other about work sometimes theyll send a meme. You know what I don’t do is act like this. It comes down to you either trust this man or you don’t. You can sit there and say you don’t trust her but really it’s on him. He either loves and respects you or he doesn’t.
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You are definitely feel threatened by this girl in every single way and you definitely need therapy
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Oh ffs are you his mother or his partner? Honestly this sounds like the kind of toxic behavior I would’ve dealt with/participated in during my (TOXIC) marriage when I was in my early 20s. And to be fair this is anonymous so maybe you are that young. If that’s the case then I promise you that there’s a lot of growing and maturing that you’ll do. If that’s not the case then girl. Wtf are you doing here? This is not the business, good lord.
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You’re way overreacting.
They work together. She was his trainer. You wouldn’t be responding if it was a guy texting the exact same things. This is harmless but you’re going to create a self-fulfilling prophecy by putting him in a space where he feels like he might as well cheat because you’re behaving like he already is.
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You’re being dramatic. And controlling. And insecure. Stop all
Of that.
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Agree with everyone above. Like damn
Qsk him to tell her she doesn’t need to message him anymore he has it covered… and ask him to block her number… at the end of the day its his decision… but hopefully this trainer is no value and he will do just that…
She isn’t worth the hassle it’s causing in the relationship
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Okay so my husband has to contact and be contacted by plenty of females at work. I am not bothered AT ALL. I trust him 100%. That is enough for me. He has not given me any reason to feel as if I should be worried. It sounds like yours hasn’t either. Breathe. He is doing his job.
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If you didn’t feel threatened by her then this wouldn’t be an issue at all.
She was his TRAINER. My man works in a truck. (CDL) he has had many trainers over the years. He still talks to them on a regular. Considering he is still considered new to the job- it would seem realistic and smart to have her number and stay in contact with her so that if he runs into something that she didn’t teach him- he’s not standing there with his dick in his hand and he can actually reach out and help solve his problem.
The reason he didn’t tell you and hid it? Probably because you made it a point to let him know that you don’t feel comfortable with him giving his number out to female coworkers unless they hold a title that could affect his employment. (Even tho you “don’t feel threatened by this girl in any way.”)
So I can see why he didn’t tell you- it’s nice to still have that contact. They’re only messaging about work- its not like they’re making plans to have dinner or go to a hotel or etc.
You say your older and feel like you’ve been around the block and etc. But if that’s the case- then why are you so hung up on this? If he wants to cheat, he’s going to. Weather you’re all up in his shit or not.
My advice? Let it go and go to therapy to help with any personal issues from previous relationships that are now causing issues in your current relationship.
Its his work and seems like youre the insecure one. No wonder he isnt forthcomint about stuff since all you do is nag and police his work relationships.
As someone whos husband is in managemwnt and deals with many people, inlcudinf females, my suggestion to you is mind your business.
You say he has been “wronged before” and “im protecting him”. He is a whole a$$ griwn man. Let him have his work like and stop being a helicopter girlfriend. The fact that youre reading his work texts are tacky and screms insecure
Every body is so fucking rude in this group
Well I guess if he can exchange numbers work or not with other woman, than it’s okay if you do same…and he should not be upset if you don’t tell him and he finds out later…fair game is fair game.
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The fact that he hid it is a valid reason but the rest of it… you sound kind of insecure to me. No trust no us, that’s what I go by…. Best of luck to you.
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You’re exhausted, threatened and bothered. Leave that man alone and let him work. ffs
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You definitely sound threatened. He’s a grown man… don’t try to control who he talks to… if he’s going to cheat, then he’s going to regardless whether or not you control who he speaks to. Let it go.
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I think you’re being dramatic, controlling, insecure and for sure threatened. If he was truly trying to hide it he wouldn’t have told you at all. I get being upset that you didn’t know for three weeks however, he still told you & you seen for yourself it’s strictly about work. If you trusted him like you say you do you wouldn’t have even checked to make sure the texts were about work.
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If you trust him & he hasn’t given you any thoughts that he is cheating, then let it go. In my marriage, no one (female) texts my husband without him telling me about it. If he hid it I would question that too but if it’s about work then keep it about work. I’m sure her fiancé wouldn’t want another man texting her anything besides work issues. If she isn’t his “boss” persay, she shouldn’t have his number!!
Omg…. All of that because he needs to keep in contact for work purposes?! Really? You even read the messages yourself, and it’s just work shit… 
He hid something so yes maybe be a little aware but you are definitely overthinking things. She may have initiated the number swap which is common between coworkers and it’s not like he should say no. One rude two to make it not rude he’d have to explain my wife won’t let? Yea I don’t think his masculinity will allow that. Don’t be blind but don’t drive him away by being unnecessarily insecure about something minor.
Personally, if you said you were ok with supervisors, I’d put a trainer under that category if she was training him when they exchanged numbers which could be a reason he didn’t feel the need to tell you(because you said you were ok with that category). Also, if the reason you’re uncomfortable was because it was late, I’d just express your feelings about keeping work and personal time separate if it’s work related and not urgent and have a conversation about it
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If that’s the least of your problems with your man, consider yourself lucky! Sounds like you got a good man trying to do the right thing but you’re making things harder on him.
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Grow up…men and women work together period. If it were a guy would you be acting like this ?
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It seems as if you want something to be there and it’s not! You are controlling asf and you will be the reason he learns how to cheat and not get caught. He’s giving you access to his phone and you find nothing but you are still mad ?? The math ain’t mathing
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My husband talks to girls from work and has them on his billiards team. They have beers together after. I know where I stand. I have guy friends and he has no problem with it either. Either you trust him or you don’t
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You need to get rid of him. He needs to find himself a woman who understands that supervisors and co workers exchange phone numbers all the time. And just because they text each other about work related issues doesn’t mean they want to sleep together. Let him go and find someone more mature than you.
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Sounds like you’re a bit threatened by this chick that doesn’t mean a thing. Let it go. She seriously only has his number because they work together. You told him it’s fine to have managments numbers. She’s, more or less, exactly that. And you looked at the texts. You saw its about work, so let it be. If you’re butt hurt over a text at 10:30 at night, ask him to please let her know that time of day isn’t okay to be texting because he’s with you. If whatever it is can’t be handled in the morning, like needs a response right now, then text. But if it can wait, then it needs to wait. At 37, you know better. You’ve been around the block, as you stated.
Honestly this sounds a lot like my partner and I know in many ways you both have standards and that’s fine but if that was the only issue you would have told him I’m not happy with how you handled this situation and that would have been the end of it however you are more concerned about the fact she seems to be messaging him about what you think is inconsequential and that in itself is your insecurity talking if he’s so good to you and you truly trust him then this won’t be a problem. He is an adult and doesn’t need you making sure his feelings don’t get hurt be his rock and support don’t smother him let him handle this on his own and get your nose back in line and focus on your feelings and getting those on track for you. He clearly thinks highly of you because he didn’t think you’d go psycho about the fact he has a female colleagues number for legit work reasons so he didn’t know to tell you because you set parameters he followed those parameters unless you specifically told him if he had their number to tell you when he got it then he did nothing wrong. I assure you believe it or not you are more insecure than you are mad because he didn’t tell you… maybe it’s because you’ve put him on a pedestal and think he’s too good for you I don’t know but you definitely gotta work on whatever it is because it will eat you inside and ruin your relationship
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Lmfao is this a joke? You’re obviously threatened and you obviously have extreme trust issues. Its a co worker, she trained him, plus she’s engaged. Stop putting so much energy into this and let the man do his job. You sound like a teenager, grow up.
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“I’m not threatened by this girl in any way”. Um, I think you do feel threatened honey.
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Let it go. It sounds like he didn’t tell you bc he wanted to avoid you feeling insecure about it. If you really trust him, that’s all you need. Open communication. Don’t over react and let him know you would have liked to know. Sounds like you’re all good though.
Quit lying you clearly are threatened by her
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Totally normal to have coworker numbers, especially someone who trained him.
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I can’t read all this. But you’re with your coworkers more than you’re home. Relax. You’re the one crossing the line.
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Am I the only one that cba reading it all so went straight to the comments ?
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when you come on here in a few months to tell us he cheated with the girl, all these women saying you’re toxic will tell you to leave or that you should have asked him to stop communication with her.
Anyway, you don’t have to justify yourself. If something bothers you, it bothers you. However, it does not sound like it has become a big deal, at least not to your SO; therefore, I would simply tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If he’s as great of a guy as you say, he’ll understand and set firm boundaries with this girl. Don’t stress yourself out about it; you can’t make things go one way or the other only your boyfriend can. He has to set the boundaries for himself; all you can do is voice your concerns and let it be.
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Yeah, you’re being dramatic. I think you’re lying to yourself when you say your not threatened.
Just let the man work.
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I personally feel that although you say you are not insecure, you are showing signs of insecurity. It’s normal to have work colleagues phone numbers, however it’s not normal to be texting someone about work at 10.30pm, there is a certain time that people need to close off from work unless it’s an emergency, this is something that you both need to discuss. I also understand your worries about why your partner hasn’t mentioned this person having his contact details in terms of saving an argument, however he should have informed you that she may be in touch because she trained him and it could have been accepted better. It’s time for you both to sit down and talk about these questions rather than turning to Facebook for answers
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Um I have all my coworkers numbers I’m one of like 2 guys that work there it’s good to have that availability to reach out for shift coverage
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You tried to make us believe you are not threatened by his young coworker, but we can almost feel the tension on your words about it. I am psycho jealous of my own shadow and my husband always worked only/ mostly around guys. I probably would go full mental breakdown if my husband had a chick texting him lol
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Don’t sweat the small stuff. You should understand why I didn’t wanna tell you and he wasn’t doing anything wrong anyway. He’s under enough stress. You have nothing to worry about
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I just can’t imagine how you would act with other things that are actually a bigger issue. I feel he has been telling you all the things YOU’ve been wanting to hear so you don’t start an argument like complain about her and such and you still find something as small as exchanging numbers for work related purposes. Like girl stop worrying about her and worry about why are you like this. No wonder he didn’t want to tell you because it is not a big deal and whether he had told you or not you would have still found something to argue about.
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Sounds like a really long way of saying you insure and by the amount of times you said " not worried or threatened " seems like you were trying to convince yourself of that no us
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So my husband recently got a promotion at work and he is constantly either on teams or text the different people in his department who are majority of women. However after a certain time he does not respond.
The problem with an office setting is there’s always drama. No matter if he tries to stay out of it or not he’s going to hear about it. Believe me I hear all the office drama from my husband and in turn he hears all the office drama from my job. You said he just sits there and nods his head while the other person’s talking it would be kind of rude for him to interrupt and tell her that he doesn’t want to hear about it. Maybe he’s just being nice. Maybe he’s like my husband who I say can talk to an ice cube.
I personally wouldn’t think that he is hiding anything else from you maybe he assumed that you would get upset which I can see that you are. I’m not going to say whether you’re right or wrong because you are allowed to have your own feelings about this. I personally just wouldn’t pick this battle with my significant other.
Oh dear.
I see why he didn’t tell you.
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You are over reacting… I am literally the only girl in the warehouse I work at and I have all the guys number only because I trained them and they contact me if they can’t contact our boss. Why are you stopping yourself from having guy friends then? Do you not trust yourself because if you know nothing is going to happen then it shouldn’t be a problem . I ve learned If someone is going to cheat they’re going to cheat no matter what you do or say .
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If you trust him then you have nothing to worry about … seems like the messages are work related and you’ve found nothing suspicious. i think we tend to create drama in our own heads
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I’m just saying…I had a fiancé, and some new girls started at his job, he was their boss, came home to tell me about one specific new woman who started and how annoying she was, blah blah blah, a month later, 4 days after our 4 year anniversary, I found out he had been “working late” but was actually just with her the whole time, they had an entire relationship for about 3 weeks. Idk when she was actually hired in or how long she had actually been there because I had just heard about her a month prior to catching them.
So idk. I’d be a little paranoid too.
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Girls are shaddy as fuck, you said she’s texting not work related stuff. Trust your gut.
My husband works 2,000 miles from home for six weeks on and one week off. He’s an oilfield man and so is our 26 year old son. You are being way to dramatic. I trust my husband 100%. If you can’t…move on. Also, you may want to work on your own insecurities. This is just what I see.
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Man, if I was him I’d head for the hills. You are clearly insecure in this relationship. If anything is happening (which you clearly think there is) you can’t stop it anyway. It’ll come out eventually. Then what do you do? Fight about it and continue the relationship or end it. I’d bet anything, you’d stay with him and play the victim.
However, you claim to trust him . Keep acting like this and he’s going to end it anyway. You said you’re 37. You got out of High School almost 20 years ago. Sounds like your head is still there
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