I don’t know what to do, my husband doesn’t want to get the vasectomy and now I feel like I’m being forced to get ny tubes tied. My husband says he won’t push me to do it but I feel like I am since he doesn’t want to do his, which I totally understand. I don’t know what to do as we don’t want to have any more children
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I mean birth control if neither one of you are going to get a procedure done. That’s the only thing you can do since abstinence is clearly not an option 
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You had the babies and he wants you to have another surgery? Why won’t he?
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Used another conception like the pill needle or the thing that goes into your arm for five years
Jesus, tell him to MAN UP!!!
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If he doesn’t want to get a vasectomy and you don’t want your tubes tied, which is fine, everyone has their rights to bodily autonomy. Maybe research other contraceptive options?
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its a easier recovery for him to be honest.
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He’s being selfish. It’s a simple procedure, and he should gladly do it for your peace of mind.
I know a couple who were happily married- he got the V because they were “done having kids” according to her (3) - 10years in - she left the marriage a couple of yrs later and ended up having another child to someone else. He is left with the V and having been through a few relationships now in his late 30’s is limited to who he can date knowing that the possibility of him having more kids is $20k for a reversal that may not work 
Why is it all on him as it doesn’t sound like you are being “forced” to do anything.
There are contraceptives out there, rather than permanent solutions 
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Keep your legs shut for a while when he asks why you say it’s the new modern way of birth control unless he wants to compromise
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If you feel forced. Don’t go through with it . He doesn’t want to you can make the same choice too
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Make a compromise
Instead of getting your tunes tied
Look at just getting them clamped
That way if you both decide you want another baby
You can get the clamps removed
Show him the risks between getting your tubes tied vs a vasectomy
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If he wants it so bad, he can have the operation, jeez, I think you’ve done more than enough with bearing his children.
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If you don’t want anymore children yourself then you need to get your tubes tied. It affects you the most. I’d suggest some marriage counseling though bc it sounds like you two are not on the same page when it comes to your family decisions.
Unfortunately if you two don’t are both unwilling to do something more permanent and you both don’t want more children then you will most likely need to abstain.
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Tell him to get the damn vasectomy and show him all the research why it’s infinitely easier and less obstructive to get a vasectomy vs your tubes tied
There’s other options than getting your tubes tied . I was in and out within 1 hour. And awake the whole time. My son’s dad was also fixed (we doubled down and didn’t want to risk anymore kids) and he was down for a week.
My husband got a vasectomy, he was back walking within no time at all. Don’t tie your tubes it’s more invasive for you. If your absolutely done… my husband had kids with his ex and me. So he was done. Don’t be forced to do it. It’s an in office procedure for him not the woman.
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My husband was happy to get a vasectomy since I went through the hard yards or pregnancy and birthing. He was fine within a few days it’s quite minor. Tube tying is not so minor.
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then he needs to invest a condoms and birth control. Your tubes getting tied is an invasive surgery. His not so much. He will be walking right after with a few stitches. He can suck it up or just not have unprotected relations.
There are plenty of other birth control options if neither of you are comfortable with such a “permanent” option.
Personally for me, I knew 100% I did not want anymore children. I knew that I never wanted to have multiple fathers if it didn’t work out. I didn’t want more kids either. I fought hard to get my tubes tied at 26 and almost 10 years later, my husband passed away when I was 30, I’ve been with my current partner for 4 years, and I still don’t regret it. I knew I was done. If you don’t have that finality in your mind, use a different option. If he doesn’t feel that way, don’t push him to do it.
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Don’t have sex when you’re ovulating. You can’t get pregnant if you’re not ovulating. I wouldn’t want to get my tubes tied and I wouldn’t want a vasectomy if I was a man either. You can use other birth control too.
My partner wouldn’t get done so I got my tubes removed. I don’t know what the big drama is about us getting it done. I recovered very quickly and have had no problems since
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My husband would not get a vasectomy either. We have 2 girls. I was told that my body could not go through another pregnancy so I got my tubes tied at 29 years old. It has been 15 years and I have no regrets
Doesn’t seem like you are being forced. I would just use another form of birth control. Tell him to use condoms also.
I can’t see bringing any more kids in this world right now with world War 3 about to get us when Harris wins elections
It’s an invasive surgery for women. Not so for men.
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He should get fixed, not you
He can get the snip in this case!!
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Sorry if I sound rude please forgive me… you want him you get a vasectomy. And he don’t want to and your upset cause he doesn’t want… but you don’t want to get your tubes ride… doesn’t this fall under my body my choice … get a iud use condoms … I mean you can’t force or be upset that he doesn’t want to have surgery on his body my husband had a vasectomy didn’t ask me it wasn’t my choice sure I was a little bit upset but it wasn’t my choice to make wasn’t my body. So he did what he felt he wanted to year after we payed a good chunk of change a d go to reversed
It’s easier for him to get his done. Condoms are abstinence it’s the only choices
The answer is easy if you don’t want more kids ,get your tubes tied best thing I ever did
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I had an adult conversation with my husband and explained the complications that can be associated with getting tubes tied and different things and how simple the vasectomy is and it’s done in the office with minimal recovery. I also threw in there that I birthed 3 of his big headed children so I think he can do this small task for me and he finally understood and agreed. I never forced him but it just seemed easier for him. But if he refuses you can always just get an IUD or something that last awhile. You won’t be fertile forever so you can make it work.
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Someone has to do it if you truly don’t want more children. My husband refused after #3, and I wasn’t about to do it because I am the one who had given birth. We ended up with six kids after a failed iud and failed contraceptive. Then we decided to just have one more He still refused. We just got old, so we’re done. 
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Maybe get a consult about the copper iud?
I get you I got mine removed but it was easy got it after birth of my youngest while in hospital idk girl what to tell you
Respectfully, tell your husband to take a teaspoon of cement and harden up. Mine took less than 15 minutes with no surgery or anaesthesia. I went back to work the very next day.
Your body has been through enough with pregnancy and child birth. His turn to step up.
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Explain to him that him having a vasectomy is 10 times easier than you having your tubes done you having your tubes tied or removed for you actually can make things a lot worse for you when it comes to periods and honestly doesn’t mean it full proof either sadly. It’s also really invasive to be checked to see if they’re still cut tied or moved. Plus they can check with him so much easier Also it’s not a minor surgery for you to have your tubes tied.
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Strange how some of yall are saying he should do it and telling her she shouldn’t have to. He doesn’t want to and she doesnt want to. But why is he the bad guy? Forget recovery time, bc it’s different for everyone.
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Jeez!! How about the pill or birth control shot?
Why are those not an option??
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It’s Your Body !!! Do what you feel !!
I had the same thing I got my tunes done and we ended up breaking up as I couldn’t get over it being all finalized that part of my life was over it took me 4 years to come to terms with it but I did get over it and we got back together 
Wrap it up, use birth control, you know how. Or just don’t have sex. Unprotected sex = baby. Be careful and if it happens it happens. Nobody is forcing you to get fixed, you’re just seeing it that way
If he doesn’t want to , he shouldn’t have too
This is why men don’t have the babies or all families would be
One child or None
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I’d stop any sexual activities with your husband. When he asks, let him know that since your surgery is more invasive and you don’t want more children, this is the best and easiest solution.
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Nah. Tell him you carried and birthed all the children he can man up and get the vasectomy or he can forget having relations until he does
Your husband is a big baby. I had my ob/gyn talk to my husband about it. It worked.
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Well just the same as us females have a choice so does he. The only way to make 100% sure you won’t be having more is celibacy 
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Neither one of you do it and find alternative birth control…you may have to double up. Condoms/the pill, spermicide/condoms…
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We are about to deliver our 6th child and my husband keeps telling me to call and make him an appointment to get his junk clipped he works on the road and he said do it the week I’m off lol he is ok with getting it done because I’m scared of surgeries and it’s easier for him to do it
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I had my tube’s tied at the age of 26 in 1979! They were tied off during my c-section. I experienced no difference afterwards regarding periods or pain or problems. Definitely no regrets.
I’m had c sections so mine was fast and simple right after my last child, if you both know you are doing e with kids why not both get done then, my husband can still have kids but I k ew I didn’t want anymore so was an easy choice for me
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If you do not want the procedure and he doesn’t want the procedure that leaves two choices… birth control or no sex. Neither of you should be pressured in to having a medical procedure done if you’re not okay with it but the reality is that you both have to consider how you will prevent pregnancy whether you want to or not.
Listen, I stopped reading halfway in your post to instantly start typing what I have to say. My husband and I have 3 girls altogether, we both did NOT want anymore period point blank. We are married, we work as a team, we’re partners and in my marriage, we do everything together. He got his vasectomy in June and I got my tubal in July after he healed. Girl, this is your husband! Not some lil boyfriend you got. Yall gotta work together and he SHOULD be considering your feelings and not making you feel like your alone in this. Sending love to you and hope you get this situation worked out 🩷
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I’m sorry I get that you don’t want to have your tubes tied but you can’t force your husband to either and reality is if you don’t want more kids then that means you get your tubes tied. It isn’t that bad and invasive like people are saying I mean it’s a surgery, but the recovery isn’t bad the worst part is the pain in the shoulders from the C02 that they use to blow up your stomach and that only hurts for a day or 2. It’s normally just a small incision they do and it does not make you have to be immobile besides maybe a day or 2 that it will be uncomfortable. It isn’t fair that you are asking him to get it done and you are not wanting to yourself. If you ever divorce he may want more kids you don’t get to decide for him that he has to do it if you don’t want more kids then seems more logical that you do it.
Just have your tubes tied after birth then it’s over.
My husband has always said he would not let me go through with it if i didnt want to and he would get the snip as i birthed our babies.
Honestly if you dont want anymore children the snip is less recovery time that gettinf tubes tied.
But they are your own bodies and you dont have to do anything you don’t want to do x
I had mine done 30 years plus ago best thing I did
You don’t have to have sex with men who refuse to use birth control
Ever
Explain to him that it’s less evasive for him to get the snip than you getting your tubes tied
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Getting my tubes tied was the best choice I ever made. 
It would be hypocritical to force him to do what you do right want to, but there are other forms of birth control, including not doing it.
He needs 2 days to recover. She needs at least 2 weeks. But it was the best thing I did 45 years ago
Can you not try other alternatives contraception the pill injection coil??
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You can’t make him as much as he can’t make you.
I got mine taken out during my C-section. I personally don’t want anymore kids.
If you do not want to get your tubes tied, than don’t. If your husband doesn’t want a vasectomy, than he shouldn’t get one. Neither of you should do something you don’t want to do. There are other ways to prevent pregnancy. I want to get sterilized (tired of pills), my husband does not. That’s his choice just as much as it’s mine.
I see comments of “he should do it cause you’ve done so much” “easier recovery for him”, but what happened to “my body, my choice”? That applies to men, too.
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Don’t do anything you don’t want to period
Then neither of you do it and find a form of birth control. If you guys getting the procedure is off the table, there are MANY other means of preventing pregnancy.
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If he doesn’t want to do it, he can become best friends with his hand from here on out you paid your dues. It’s his turn
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Well if you understand and you do not want any more children- why would you feel forced??? You said you understand.
let’s be honest, if you’re in the US women’s health care versus men? It’s a no brainer. he will be fine. My husband got it done (he volunteered after my health and safety was put at risk with an ectopic) and he was given anxiety medication to take before hand if he wanted, was completely numbed up, two puncture holes were made, not even incisions, was given top shelf pain killers, and spent a total of 2 days with a bag of peas on the area. Had to wear a jock strap for a week or two depending on sensitivity. Plus it was fully covered by insurance. The type of tubal a woman can get May or may not be covered by the insurance, pain management for women is not as on par as with men. Not to mention doctors who will willingly perform if varies in each state. Other options include birth control options which mostly affect women not men, and add higher risks to women and not men (I.e. blood clots, stroke). Men’s birth control, was never sent to the public market because it has the same side effects that women’s birth control has (mood swings, weight gain, acne) but for men it was basically too much for them.
I got my tubes tied and I can dm you a picture of my hand sized clot if your husband would like to see one of the negative issues with a tubal.
I understand both points of views, though.
His body, his choice. Your body, your choice. I recommend a form of birth control as well as condoms.
Just get them tied. It’s an in an out laparoscopic procedure and reversible
After birthing his 6 kids…. my husband went into the appointment and was out in 20 minutes. He said he waited longer for them to get there. He was at work on Monday. He swelled up one time because he was lifting and doing way more than he should have been, he just put some frozen peas on there and called it a day.
Tell your husband to man up if you both don’t want anymore kids. Because the best form of birth control is abstinence. 
There is men that he knows that had it done I’m sure. Just have him ask them about the procedure. For him it’s in and out the same day and he might have to take three days off work. For you it’s invasive and there are much more risks, as well as you would have to be off for much longer.
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Jesus. So many pick me’s on this thread. Lots of uneducated idiots too.
If neither of you want to undergo the procedure your options are simple.
- Be proactive with your birth control. You use contraception and he uses a condom. That way you are both doing your bit.
- Stop having sex.
I was 35 when I had my tubes tied, in 1996 I’m glad I had it done I did not want any more kids
I am on an IUD so i get no more periods, this could be a better form of birth control for you. Speak with your OB about what options there are what is right for you.
I personally did get my tubes removed as i am a high risk, and wanted the extra protection from it happening again.
But without proper means of birth control there is a high risk of pregnancy, but you have to do what is right for you!
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Just … Don’t … Do … It . You are NEVER FORCED to do anything you don’t want to do !
YOUR BODY YOUR CHOICE!
Why ask a bunch of online strangers?!?
Find a different form of birth control. It’s not only up to him to get it done. If he don’t want to get a surgery done, he don’t need to. It’s just the same for you
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What’s the big deal? I got my tubes out after our 4th because my husband didn’t wanna do a vasectomy. If you’re certain you don’t want any more kids then just do it…
Is birth control out of the question?
Theres literally TONS of birth control options. Try the iud!
Stop being intimate . That’s a way to cure it. It seems as though birth control isn’t something you’re aiming at, you don’t want the surgery, he doesn’t want the surgery. Stop having s:biting_lip:x!
She doesn’t have to get a hysterectomy, she just needs to get her tubes tied. But it’s still a lot more for her to go through than him.
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Your body his body to each their own. my husband didn’t want to get vasectomy done it made me mad? Of course, because my recovery would be a lot longer but it was something I had to do if I wanted to stop using birth control and not get pregnant. I see getting a vasectomy is a lot less of a pain, but I’m sure if he tried to make u get tubes tie you would feel bad well you are kinda doing the same by asking him to do something he doesn’t want to
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I called and scheduled my husbands vasectomy, it was a simple procedure 100% covered by our Insurance and a lot less invasive procedure. Getting my tubes tied would have cost us money out of pocket and a lot more down time for me already having 2 kids to take care of!!
His body his choice, your body your choice. He can wear condoms and you can go on birth control or something. We all have to be responsible for our own bodies. These double standard comments about men are gross.
I’m 52 about to be 53 in a month. I was BC (the poll) as a teen for over 10 years. Married then first pregnancy at 28 miscarried then went on to have 3 kids. I never went back on BC after that first pregnancy and I didn’t want to go back on after all 3. I wanted Hubs to get a V. He didn’t want to. We compromised and used condoms for the last 24 years. Never a mishap. Easy clean up for me. It worked for us. Maybe it would work for you.
Could you find another type of BC to use?
Sometimes it takes a surprise baby to get things moving. His is less evasive and easier to reverse.
Easier for him …short simple procedure in a Dr office
My OB told my husband and I both that the Man getting fixed is the much easier approach because of Women typically having longer healing time, possible infection, complications, and bleeding. I have 3 children already… But my Husband said if we ended up having another he would get fixed so I wouldn’t have to go through all that.
Y’all are gross. Just because a vasectomy is easier doesn’t mean he should do it or be pressured to do it.
Soooo neither one of you want to do it…sooooo find a form of bc that works for BOTH of you.
It needs to be a conversation between you two: of why he doesn’t want a vasectomy and why you don’t want your tubes tided…
I had my tubes removed 6 months after having our 2nd both where preemies and I was 100% done birthing kiddos. Hubby would have had a Vasectomy: but 1) having your tubes put reduces the risk of all “women’s cancers” 20 to 40% 2) I knew I was done having kiddos but explained to hubby if I died and he met someone new she might want to birth a child…and didn’t want that to be the deal breaker to my kids getting a great step mom…
*there are alot of factors that go into a decision this big. Talk with him and make the best choice for your family
Then tie them. What’s the issue?