I’ve been with my boyfriend for ten years, and we have two children. I know for a long time with no commitment. In the beginning, I got along great with his family, but after the birth of my 1st child, the dynamic changed, especially with his mother. She disregards me as a parent. She will always say things like “ask your dad,” and I’m clearly standing right there, or only acknowledging their dad when wanting to do things with the kids, and if I say no because we have plans, she takes a personal offense to it. It’s the same thing with his sister. I’ve been called “bitches” for saying no. It starts with respecting the mother of the children. My bf is a big mama’s boy, and I feel he lives to please her, he likes to get snappy with me in front of her, and I feel he does it on purpose. When I approach him about it, he flips the script and plays the victim card. I’m really at my wit’s end. Is this relationship worth saving, or should I walk away? It’s hard being with someone whose family doesn’t even like you. I’m constantly bad-mouthed by his mother and sister, and it always feels like I’m being bullied in a sense. His mother loves to provoke me, and when I react, she plays the victim ALWAYS. I hate coming around because I know they hate me, and I’m done trying to play nice because, in the end, all that does is make me miserable to protect their feelings. I really don’t know what to do. He’s a great dad, but I can’t date a mama’s boy anymore. I feel like I’m constantly competing with her. I could write a book about all the horrible stuff she’s done and said about me, but I won’t waste anyone’s time. I’m just tired of going with the flow. Please help!
If you choose to leave be smart about it and don’t just leave on a wim these people sound like the type to get very nasty and dramatic they will make you look crazy and try to take your children. Start documenting EVERYTHING make videos or voice recordings and start saving your money as much as you possibly can. Make sure to find a good lawyer if they promise the moon their full of shit find one who is decent and honest. Make sure you can provide for yourself and the kids all while being able to pay for the attorney and ALL fees associated and make sure your lawyer is aware of the mom and sister and how they will try to be in control. Sorry your going through this.
I’m of the mind where I treat my in laws with the same energy that they give me, you are the most important person to your children and if this environment isn’t to your liking and if they’re learning this behavior stand your ground especially if they’re disrespecting you in front of the kids… Next time use your phone secretly and record it 
act like you’re using your phone and record her! Don’t ever let anyone bully you 
your strong 
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like I am constantly competing with my boyfriends mom: Advice?
You just said it “cant date a mommas boy anymore” sorry to say those things never change.
Pack you kids and leave or throw him to the curb!!!
Get out and dont tell him where your going. You wasted 10 years of your life
10 years and boyfriend is all you need to say. You got 2 kids together and been together that long…I’d show that man child the door.
Send him back to his momma
I have been there! And it isn’t going to change - believe me. I would start taking the steps to walk away as soon as you are able.
I feel like this isn’t a make or break. If you love him maybe it would benefit to do counseling together. Things need to change.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine. But men are stupid. Try everything before you leave.
It doesn’t change I married one and it was even worse when I caught him lying and cheating it was my fault according to her best thing I did was to get out of that family
I’d limit time around them and request counseling with him so he can hear it from a neutral 3rd party that his wife or partner should come 1st.
He should never allow anyone even his family to disrespect you as your partner and the mother of his children.
If he refuses or you see he’s not putting in the work at Councling then make some more permanent decisions.
I’d pack up and leave. Things aren’t going to change and you’re just going to be miserable and your child will pick up on that. Him and his whole family need to kick rocks.
I was with mine, even though we were married, his parents ran us. 20 years. Get out now. It’s difficult, but you will be happier. Best wishes
Leave. He is choosing his mother over the mother of his children.
After 10 years if you’re just dating, there is more of a problem than him being a mama’s boy!
It won’t change, it’s best you leave now and find someone who isn’t going to throw you under the bus to make someone else happy. He’s always going to be a mama’s boy, unfortunately. Let someone else deal with him and watch them leave too
He sounds exactly like my ex husband. Run.
Get the hell out while you can!
NO WAY!! Leave now! Let him be in a relationship with his mother. It will never change. If he doesn’t have the guts (in nicer words) to stand up to his mom and sisters to back up the mother of his children and demand respect for you then he’s no man for you. Calling you names and disrespecting you is horrible and should not even be allowed. How can he possibly think that’s ok. Wait till your children are older they will be putting them against u and showing them disrespecting you is okay. If they don’t already. You shouldn’t have to compete with the mother or the sisters. They are his family but u are the mother of his children and significant other. So yes I say leave his ass. U deserve better!!
At the end of the day…you have two kids together and you’ll always have to deal with this shit. Set your boundaries. Don’t sway. Tell him EXACTLY how you’re feeling. Don’t put up with it anymore. Call momma out when she does that. They already don’t like you. Dig your heels in and be strong.
I doubt things get any better for you in this relationship…sounds like he doesn’t really give you the respect you deserve
Time 2 walk away. He will never defend you n HE SHOULD!!! Sorry you’re going through this it’s not easy personal experience but he’s always protected me against his family. We do get along now. But the price was the loss of our son! She then realized I really loved her son. Almost 36 years later. It’s really not healthy for the kids. Wish you luck in what ever you decide. PUT YOU N KIDS 1ST. 
Don’t let his family determine how this relationship goes.
Honestly it sounds like you’ve made up your mind (and power to you- in the end, YOU know what you need to do to make YOU happy.) at the end of the day, life is too short and you need to ensure whatever decision you make is what’s best for you and your kiddos. (And being happy is HUGE. Those babies are watching.)
But don’t let his family depict how worth it HE is. Keep him and his family separate. I know it’s easier said than done, but you’ve gotta find a way to change your view on that.
If he is worth it and his family is not, come to some arrangement where only him and the kids see his family (or something along those lines) and come to some sort of agreement so neither of you suffer for it.
But you’re not obligated to his family if they’re going to treat you like that. You’re not even obligated to your own family if they treat you like that lol.
Perspective.
Maybe even write a “pro and con” list?
Try to sort everything out in your mind before any rash decisions xo
They’re gaslighting you. I was in a similar situation and it never changes. In fact when you continually stand up for yourself you will be the one who ruined everything 
they will turn everything against you. If this has been going on this long it won’t get better. Give that boy back to his momma. You have two children. Sorry youre goinG thru this. I honestly can relate but my situation got ugly. I stayed for too long trying to make it work and be the bigger person. I lost myself for a long time in the process. If he allows her to disrespect you and says nothing, he is choosing her over you. He should have never put you in this position. He won’t choose you over his own mother, it shouldn’t be a choice but he hasn’t given her boundaries so that’s what it comes down to. please understand that you deserve someone who will not intentionally disrespect you or allow others to do so. Hugs mama
Move away from his family or he will never change sis…
Sounds like a deep rooted issue between you and your boyfriend and, unfortunately, children are going to end up hurting the worst. I’d suggest couple’s counseling if the two of you can’t communicate your feelings and prioritize each other’s needs first. For the children.
We broke up multiple times. After 7 years had to make choice. God, mate… Unfortunately even if they make the choice of you, you will be resented. I am sorry. Once you have children (we both 2nd time around and both two grown children. Those of you not married, single and before children you marry the family. Momma’s boys need not apply.
Let me tell you, if he’s a Mama’s boy, he’s not worth it!!! Because MOM WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST! I mean, don’t get me wrong-, you’re supposed to respect your parents, but I always said “If you marry a Mama’s boy, you’re marrying his mother too!”
10 years and still just a boyfriend… That alone is a red flag to me. You deserve better. He can still be a great dad if you breakup and move on.
Unfortunately it won’t change it only gets worse
He is married to his mom. That will never change. Either go along with this set up or save your mental health. Do what you know you need to do. Your life your choice
My question would be why on earth would you put up with all that 
, and he isn’t a great dad if he puts up with his family disrespecting the mother of his children.
Here’s a clue: every man is a “Mama’s boy”.
However, you need to help him see that he is disrespecting you when he takes mama’s side, or when he doesn’t defend you in situations where his family disrespects you. He’s also allowing his family to disrespect him, because they are disrespecting his choice of significant other.
My in-laws lived out of state, so we weren’t able to have frequent visits. My mother in law was constantly putting me down and making me feel like I wasn’t good enough for her only son. When my inlaws would come to our home for a 2 week (or longer) visit, she would rearrange my house while I was at work … stating that it was more suitable her way. Every single time they came to visit, my mother in law felt it necessary to sit down at the dinner table, them across from me, my husband at the end of the table, and she would tell me everything I was doing wrong. My husband would never say a word.
After about 15 years of this, I’d had enough. My husband and I bought a new home, and we bought a home large enough for them to have their own room when they came to visit (so we wouldn’t continue to be kicked out of our room every time they came to visit, and so we would have room for them to move in if the need arose … he was an only child, and he was a mid life baby).
I sat down with my husband, and told him that if she decided to have one of her little “meetings” with me about everything wrong with me, he’d better decide if he wanted to live the rest of his life with HER, or with ME. I told him I would no longer endure her berating me, and if he didn’t stand up for me, we were done.
Of course, she wanted to have her little meeting, and as soon as she said one bad thing, I stood up to her, then my husband backed me up and stood up to her, then her own husband shut her down and told her that was enough.
We didn’t have any more problems.
There’s zero help. I promise you, it will never change… never…
Use your head get out now do not waste time
Long over due. You deserve better.
First of all get married …to have a bf for 10 years with 2 kids is NOT responsible or LEAVE if he is unwilling to marry.
I mean, you just said you have been with this man for a decade. If you truly love this man you aren’t gonna let ANYONE come inbetween you 2 and your relationship. You can create healthy boundaries and refuse to go around his family who disrespects you and maybe they will eventually apologize and make an attempt to change, otherwise I’d cut ties with his fam and focus on fostering your relationship. You can’t ask him to cut his mom off but you can refuse to subject yourself to their disrespect.
If he isn’t with you after all these years and having children together he wont ever be. Believe me I’ve had the same experience…not his mom but just everyone. He does not respect you ,he does not appreciate you. It’s between you and him . If he showed you the respect and appreciation etc he shows his family there wouldnt be a problem . I think you have to think it through and definitely step away before your soul and your kids get hurt.
There’s NO SAVING the relationship with him. He obviously doesn’t care about the family he created. Leave & don’t look back no matter what.
When they are in your house I would put up a camera. And let him re watch what happens. But by the sounds of it he may not care but he may honestly not see it. As for your relationship my husband is a mommas boy but I come first and so do our kids. Only in certain situations does she and most of the time it’s a health related thing. Your kids will grow up thinking that’s normal if you have a boy he will treat his gf or wife the same a daughter will think that is how she is to be treated. Good luck finding a way to make it through this. Try and get help from your family.
If it hasn’t changed by now, it never will. Either demand a change, if it doesn’t happen… girl you deserve to be happy. Move on.
Things won’t change. Leave
Just because you’re still a gf doesn’t mean there isn’t commitment. Some may not care so much about marriage, that’s okay. People have a hard time accepting that sometimes but not everyones goal is that. Now what you need to do is stop caring about his family. They’re irrelevant to what’s going on. Him. You need to let him know if he don’t step up and speak up for you to anyone that speaks down on you, if he doesn’t show you respect and if he can’t own up to his wrong doings then his momma can have him and you’ll go find a real man that doesn’t still live inside his mommy. Mamas boy is cute to an extent but that? That’s just bad. He’s the one you need to take it up with. If you feel the need to then address his family and tell them you’re tired of the disrespect and if they don’t stop then you’ll do them how they do you. He is your fist concern though.
Literally no one on this earth is entitled to treat you badly.
I’d cross the bridge and burn it permanently. I’d never again be in their presence nor subject myself to that mistreatment. Also the lack of commitment and support from your boyfriend is a huge indicator of his loyalty as well.
I’d leave the whole family in the dust and coparent.
He don’t wanna make either of yall mad. …ya thats a mommas boy. You gonna have to sit him down and explain hes a grown ass man. He is no longer attached to his mom. He needs to have your back …
Been there done that moved on and I haven’t looked back!
Id tell him he either respects you as the mother and makes his family or you and the kids wont be visiting. But RUN NOW after 10yrs it aint changing take the kids and keep it moving.
10 YEARS and he stands by and let them treat you bad…GET OUT
Their behavior is especially toxic for your children.
Your kids are growing up watching them treat you like this, and at some point they’re going to think it’s acceptable behavior and beginning treating you the same way.
Get out of this relationship for yourself and your children.
Walk away, I promise it only gets worse.
He should be sticking up for you if they are truly treating you this badly. Mama will always be there he needs to realize YOU WONT.
He treats you that way in front of them so they think it’s fine to treat you the same way. Get out! It won’t change and by the sound of it he will always chose his mom over you.
It’s not going to change. He should have put them in their place year’s ago. Send him home to his mommy.
Sounds like the same situation with my dad and mom. She stopped coming around my grandma, plain and simple. I dont see why you have to be involved with his family at all, you two have your own family.
Leave move on it won’t stop or change and he won’t change and his family won’t either. Better late then never. All the best!
Been there. It took quite a while for him to see it, but when he finally put his foot down and told his mom she needed to get it together, things got much better. HE has to respect you enough to demand respect from them. Otherwise, it’ll never change.
I would get a divorce, take everything and make home live with his mother.
Never going to change
I would walk away whilst you can still be civil with him, parents that get along great and are almost friends would be the just as good for the kids
Walk alway. People only do what they do and treat you a certain way because they can. Because you allow them to. Show him different. If not, I’m sure it’ll only get worse.
Get married! Just go to the courthouse - the two of you. Once you are his wife they may show more respect
Sounds like you already made the decision
Girl you’re just wasting years that you could be happy. Leave him already. Move on. Focus on you and your kids. Somebody will come along and treat u the way u deserve to be treated. Like a Queen and they will respect you 
It’s not going to change if you break up. She’s still going to disrespect you more to your kids. Just not infront of you.
He should be sticking up for you not talking down to you in front of his family. Would say it will only get worse
Run as fast as you can with your kids and don’t look back. You deserve respect for being her grandchildren mother.
Sooooo…my guess is some of the horrible things they say about you comes from him. You are in a lose lose situation. Make sure you have your ducks in row legally so they have no leg to stand on…and walk away. You will be dealing with this whether you are with him or not … might as well be not… mamas boys won’t change.
You have two choices: stay with him and accept the dynamic, or leave and create the life you want. He won’t change. Neither will his mother.
Only stay if this is what you want your children to learn about relationships - so go!
Personally I’d walk away- if he’s going to change he’ll come after you. Or he can stay with mommy. Give him the choice but walk—— he can follow.
Does he live with u or mumma?
Simple… leave. He isn’t a man if he won’t stand up for you or worse treating you disrespectful in front of his family
I had this SAME SITUATION going on. Like, literally felt like I was reading about my own life here. Until about 10 years ago whenever my husband decided that the family he created was most important. He no longer speaks to his family because they wouldn’t respect me as his wife and the mother of his children. I fought it hard at first. But, the level of PEACE in which we have lived in since he made that decision is unmatched.
“I’ve been with my boyfriend (TEN years) “ if he didn’t put a ring on it 5 years ago he didn’t respect you to begin with. And you have two kids? That’s a red flag.
This is very bad behavior for your children to be subjected to. They are always watching, listening, learning… and if that’s how they treat you… imagine your children growing up thinking that’s how they can treat you or other people? It’s incredibly toxic and disrespectful- especially for your boyfriend to not defend you and even go along with that. After 10 years, I personally don’t think any amount of conversation with him is going to change anything. If he was going to change… he would have already. Time to move on. You and your kids deserve better.
You need to stand up for yourself
What would you tell your children if they were in this kind of relationship?
Fuck that lol punch her the sister and your partner over 
but in all serious say something, let them know how the hell their making you feel, don’t hold back either and then leave. If he wants to change he’ll come after you, if he decides to stay with mummy, then you go live your best life without him x
Sounds like a little(or alot) of emotional incest is going on id run and never look back 10 years is long enough to know if you wanna tie the knot and spend the rest of your lives together if you feel like this now how do you think youd feel in another 5 years ?
If you brought it to his attention already and he chooses to not do a thing about it . Leave. His priority should be you and his kids but he’s so far up his moms ass that he’s willing to keep letting you get disrespected as long as mommy is happy . He’s not worth your sanity …
and you still there?
He needs to stand up for you in front of his mother. Otherwise she will never change.
You are the example of life you are setting for your children. Is that the relationship dynamic you grew up with? Coparenting can sometimes be the better choice. Best wishes.
For simple fact that you are here asking for advise should be a Red flag already , if you have to Question Anything it’s not worth your sanity/health and if it’s been 10 years ,it will only get worse …GET OUT !!! Don’t look back…
I feel like I could have written this myself. I told my mother in law and sister in law what I really thought of them and that I wasn’t standing for it they made my life hell for 2 years so told them to beeb off and I’ve had nothing to do with them since been best thing I’ve ever done for myself and my marriage cos it caused tons of problems my hubby was a mummies boy till he seen what a actual witch she was. Xx
Let that shit slide off your back …if ya wanna be with tell him straight up …if he doesn’t respect your wishes move along .
Personally it’s not worth it, but with that being said, he will have a lot of people in his corner should you leave and there will be a hell of a custody fight so you better have a lot of money for a lawyer because theyll probably all chip innon a lawyer for unlimited funds as well as all give statements about what a bad parent you are. I’ve seen that happen too often when families are this involved.
Yeah no. My kids wouldn’t be around those women anymore at all
Tell him if he can’t stand up for you and tell them to respect you as the mother of his children then you are done. You don’t deserve that and your kids don’t need to see you treated that way.
He needs to cut the apron strings or you need to move on.theres someone out there just waiting to treat you so much better
Girl walk away from the entire situation.
I would say if he really wanted to marry you he would have asked you a long time ago. So with that said. …if you really love him, tell him to get things moving with you or move along without you
… I’m not the walking away type especially when I’ve invested so much damn time and effort.
Here’s what I would do. Wait until their all in a room together and say “I have something to say” and when they try to start talking over you tell them all the STFU and listen.
Then explain that if the family can’t have any respect for YOU then they don’t really respect you kids either as they are an EXTENSION of YOU. Then proceed to explain that you have NO qualms walking away and taking the kids and not looking back and that they can take you to court for visitation OR they can learn to respect your relationship and continue to be a family because in the END his mama ain’t gonna live forever and he’s building some type of life with YOU and that’s where his loyalty, respect and commitment should lie.
Then walk away and don’t let them say shit else.
Show your kids that mama stands up for herself.
My question is this: is all of this you’re going through worth the stress, aggravation, and unhappiness?
They are all gaslighting you. First of all respecting you status with you respecting yourself. Your “boyfriend” is teaching his family how to treat you.
If he truly loved you we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
As Dr Phil says “stop doing the same things and expecting different results”.
Can your relationship be saved? That depends on your boyfriend and if he is willing to listen and make big changes.
Life is too short for that shiz! Don’t waste another day like this. Just don’t. You know what you gotta do.
Tell your partner this exactly what you’ve told us, what you got to lose? See what he says and go from there