Mommies, what did you do to feel closer to your babies? My baby is eight months old. I love my child and feel connected to them, but not in the way I thought I would. I thought time would pass, and I’d feel different, but I don’t. I play and interact with my child, but I’m wondering what helped you all bond better? I struggle with ppd and soon have a Dr’s appointment for that. I know my depression is part of it. I try really hard and have tons of mom guilt about it. It’s just not what I thought it’d be. I had a traumatic birth in which I almost died, so it took me a little bit to feel that rush of emotions afterward because I was recovering. Any advice helps, be gentle, please!
It is 10000% the PPD, and is super common. Please know you’re a great mommy, your baby thinks you’re the most amazing human ever, and you’re doing a great job! This will pass but please seek meds and more importantly therapy I went through it and it was hard but you can do it!
Listen, it happens. My second baby took me some time to develop a connection due to a rough birth and other stressful situations surrounding her birth. You are not any less of a mother. Yes you have to care for baby but care for yourself as well.
Seek therapy cause you seem to have ptsd also due to the traumatic birth where you almost died. And because of you recovering you weren’t able to bond with your baby in the most crucial moments which is right after birth. Therapy & the correct meds will help
Very common and definitely PPD. I had it and I struggled a lot only because I dove myself into my work right after. But I did go to therapy and I did take meds and decided on my own to go for walks with my child or go to the store with him. I took him everywhere I mean everywhere! That helped out a lot because I got to know every little thing he does and like and dislikes. I wish you the best! Hang in there it will pass!
Definitely sounds like ppd and ptsd which is super common, once my doctor put me on an antidepressant I started to bond with my son but before I felt just like you. I loved him and played and nursed and did all of the mom things but never “bonded” once I got rhe help I needed I finally got that bond. It takes time so be patient but it does get better.
You pray to God to take that depression away and love your child
Don’t feel guilty because it’s not your fault. PPD is extremely difficult to deal with
All I can say is your child thinks your the best person in the world. If meds are needed take them because a child and mother bond can be so precious. Not like any other bond you could have in your whole life. Do what it takes to make it right mama. You can do it!
Bath times, snuggles, 1:1 attention on the floor with toys and believe it or not…the messy things like baby safe paint, sensory items, etc. I just loved to watch my little one explore the world and all the things around them. Also walks around the neighborhood helped more than I imagined it would. Hang in there mama, you are doing great
Sounds like PPD. Once you can address you, the rest will come. You are doing the best you can and there is no right way to bond. It will come. One piece of advice that I still use is to be kind to yourself. I had a traumatic birth as well and was separated from my daughter on day 2 of her life and had to go 4 days without seeing her again. It all felt like a dream. My daughter is 8 months as well. Talk to your partner.
You have depression and that is not your fault you can’t give that much emotionally due to that. It’s awful. Get treatment for the depression it’s number one besides keeping the baby safe and healthy. You don’t have the physical or emotional strength to do more right now.
PPD, PTSD and PP anxiety are a huge issue that can interfere with boding. I used a ton of skin to skin and breastfeeding. But talk to your doctor, sometimes you need to be on medication for awhile to balance things out. Hormones are evil, its not you…
I can promise ppd is playing the factor. Get into therapy and some treatment, do things for yourself too. I’m giving you the advice I should’ve taken with both of mine… feel free to message me because I feel this on a personal level.
Would loved to have known. Got taken away, never was able to have a child of my own. God be with you, prayers to you. Stay strong. God bless
Depression is medical condition that can be treated with medication and counseling. Just relax hold your baby hold cuddle when sleeping don’t think about house work and thinks that need to be done just set and enjoy that lovely sweet baby if you ever feel out control call someone fast try and find joy in the little thinks
You recognize the PPD, but I suspect you are also suffering from PTSD. I had a traumatic birth with my son…fell into a depression, but it was much worse as I wasn’t sleeping and anxious all the time. I was diagnosed with PTSD. Get into a dr ASAP and they will get the help you need!
Try skin to skin time. I’ve read it helps with PPD and it’s good for both Mom and baby. I take a bath with my 5 month old every other day. At the end of playing in the bath, and washing up, he loves to lay on my chest. He’ll snuggle up to my neck and just relax. I hold him while gently pouring handfuls of water on his back (so he dosen’t get cold). I love these times so much. to you mama, you got this!
Don’t compare yourself to other mothers. It will make you feel worse. Go off how your kids feel. For me, because I was there when they needed, fed, clothe, bathe, and was their main caretaker. They felt love so it worked for me.
The most important thing you can do right now is to get treatment for your depression. A new baby in the family is always stressful, not to mention the traumatic birth. Maybe keep a daily journal noting when you felt closest to your baby, a moment when you realize your baby has reached a milestone, etc. The expectations we place upon ourselves sometimes aren’t realistic. Getting help for your feelings is the best thing you can do for yourself and your baby.
I felt the same way. Just give as much love and caring to your baby as you are able and take care of yourself as well.
Depression can make you feel a million miles away from everyone. Get help, talk to someone,find something that gives you a sense of accomplishment, find a tribe or community for support. I suffered from ppd for 14 years and came out the other side through writing, counseling, meditation but what finally broke the habit of depression was opening my own business. My youngest was 13. It is possible to get through this. Keep talking and don’t let guilt in. Depression takes away the very things you need to feel better.
Breast feeding is a very bonding experience if you can. Also skin on skin, lay your baby close to your heart and torso, just lay quietly feeling the breathing and heart beat. Cheek on cheek. Hold your baby in the bath tub and softly poor water over its back. Just lots of holding, rocking. At eight months~~~ make eye contact. Lots of gentle affectionate touching, holding. Softly stroke your baby’s head and forehead in a relaxing way. Softly stroke babies back. Talk to baby a LOT. Try repetition speaking at diaper change, when it’s time to eat etc so baby picks up on what you say. At diaper time I always tickled toes a little and said “Tickle your toes!” etc. You are probably bonding more than you think. You may be suffering from post partem depression too. I’d see a doctor to find out if you might need a little help in hormones or depression
First of all, the fact that you recognized your ppd and are going to the doctor is amazing. Good job mama.
Second, even though you may feel like your bond isn’t strong enough, just know that you are your little one’s whole world. And you are doing a great job!
I’m sure once you see your doctor and depending on their treatment… that will help with bonding.
But in the mean time… lots of cuddles, read books, sing songs, play outside, etc.
I have a one year old and I’m home with her. I found myself fretting over things like dishes, laundry, household stuff. Yeah those things need to be done, but remember to breathe and enjoy the little moments.
My favorite moments with my toddler are mornings, after naps, and before bed. I make it a point to slow down and put my phone away, stop doing chores, and get in some quality, distraction free time with her.
Also, make sure you are giving yourself opportunities to re-charge and take care of YOU. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
I agree seeking help will really help. Also doing things you enjoy. If you enjoy going on a walk, take baby with you.
Yes get help for yourself and find a support group. PPD is affecting the way you feel emotionally and physically. Dont feel bad about taking medication.Many have been in your shoes even Brooke Shields…There is help now.
You know you’re experiencing ppd & are seeking medical attention. Keep loving your baby as you have & keep the hopes up in making the connection for both of you.
You know babies are a lot of work. You are doing your best. But I remember when my child was 3…all of a sudden I just couldn’t wait to be with her all day…just love her up and talk gently to her a lot…you are coming along…
If you are having to wait up to a month to see your dr about ppd, call them and get in sooner. It can be very tough, don’t be afraid to get a prescription for meds and talk to lots of moms (get a support group) you will bond with baby but your hormones and mental status need to be right for that to happen
Talk to your doctor. But also know that we are all different. Some like that helpless NB stage, some find it boring and tedious. Some like the 3-9 month time of watching personality and mobility emerge. Some prefer toddler exploration and discovery. Etc. Engage with your child and soon that special stage will come and the joy will be there. Mostly enjoy each day’s events and adventure without comparing yourself and your child to a fantasy, or looking to “when he/she…” (walks, talks, sleeps through the night…) You are doing your best for your child. Get off your own back.
Yes get help from the doctor. I promise it’ll help. It’s the depression speaking to you.
Get to your doctor immediately! PPD is nothing to fool with. Once you get that under control I hope you will beging to love and enjoy your baby more.
Depression comes n many forms U doing a great job HOLD THAT LITTLE ANGEL N UR ARMS LOOK HER N THE EYES TELL HER R HIM HOW MUCH U LOVE THEM
Rocking before bed was a close feeling at end of the day. Did with all 4 children.
Your doctor can take care of the PPD issue with medication. The difference between how you now feel and how you will feel is like night and day.
Therpy will help and just read hug kiss your baby and your baby will know you are trying
I agree with the two comments below. It affects alot. Don’t be hard on your self but do seek help.
See your doctor ASAP please.You are doing everything right.
Held them all the time lol
It’s not easy, be kind to yourself, take care of your self, sleep and nap whenever you can helped me a little
I was going through a lot the first 2 years of my life. One of those issues was undiagnosed PPD…I can remember “going through the motions” so to speak and my life was falling apart around my ears. Once you get through the PPD and the clouds clear it will be better…I promise. I worried the same thing and my daughter is 12 now and we’re close (no concept of personal space in our house lol”.). I agree with the previous poster as well you may have PTSD. You’re doing the right thing in getting help sooner rather than later…or waiting until a crisis as I did. It’s hard cause you see this whole myth of motherhood with doves and hearts and overwhelming love and connection…the reality is hormones, a sore. Hooha (unless you have a section then other issues…pain scars etc) love fear anxiety “am I doing this right”. That’s the reality and you’re doing just fine. Trust yourself love yourself take care of yourself…it will get sorted out I promise you
Find a support group, other moms who are going thru the same thing. Know you are not alone, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Make sure you get time for yourself, spend time with friends, get a mani-pedi, go for a walk. You love your child, you know you do. Don’t try to live up to expectations you had before your child was born, just live in the now of being a first-time mom, how challenging it is, how rewarding it is, how important it is. You can do it. You know you can. But it’s a big job, so look for support and take care of yourself.
It will get better, you will know when baby gets sick or endangered and you about lose your mind with worry etc. your Mama instincts take over. Rock and sing to your baby. I had a difficult pregnancy and sick/hospitalization after birth for a week. Lost bonding time. Got through it. Love love my baby girl who is 51 now and all is well.
Don’t over stress that bond can take a few years when u have PPD. And remember u may not feel the bond ATM but ur baby dose. And breast feeding may or may not help it actually made me feel worse when I had PPD. What helped me was napping times get a recliner and lay back watching tv and hold ur baby while it sleeps
Do you have family close by? Or can your Mom or Mom in law come stay with you while you’re getting used to the Meds the Doctor will put you on? I know it really helped my Daughter when I could stay and cook meals help her and baby, Just remember to hold rock love and lay with Baby , even make up silly songs bout what your feeling it all helps and God will get you through. BUT DO GO TO CLINIC OR DOCTOR ASAP LIKE TODAY , FOR YOU AND BABY,Ill b praying for you
Play soft music and cuddle with your baby in bed with little lightning.
Sorry can’t advice…when I became a mom…i never had that bond with any of my four kids…there wasn’t information on ppd. So I dindt feel like I was doing anything wrong…i loved my kids because I took care of them…they were fed. Clean. Always there for them…but never affectionate…now that I am a grandmother…i have the time to pay attention to my grandkids…they all love me because they let me know but I am still not affectionate…i do feel guilty. But that’s who I am…i think that as long as you do your best for your child…That’s love. My experience only…
May God help you in your time of need