My stepdaughter is ten years old. I’ve been with her dad since she was 4. We used to get along so well. But lately, she is acting like a completely different child. If I punish her or by taking her phone away or sending her to bed early, she immediately calls her mom and makes it seem like I am being mean or punishing her for no reason. My stepdaughter’s mother is a horrible person. She never takes her to the doctor. Then gets mad if I take her. She thinks I should basically be a babysitter and nothing else. I am pretty certain she bad mouths me to Lexi. I am currently five months pregnant. Lexi seemed excited at first but then, like 2/3 months ago, every changed. She used to not like her mother. She would even say she didn’t love her mother, which we would always tell her wasn’t nice to say. Then all of a sudden, her mom is like her best friend, and I am her worst enemy. I feel like I have to walk around on eggshells around her. I feel like if she acts up or yells at me, I can’t say anything to her or punish her because then she runs to her mom, and everything gets twisted. My husband doesn’t seem to know what to do. He has tried talking to my stepdaughter so many times, and nothing helps. He has talked to her mother, and nothing helps. Someone, please tell me what to do. My stepdaughter has some anger issues, and it only seems to be getting worse. At this point, she just about weighs me and is taller than me. I am truly scared to bring a baby into this environment. Help me, please. Oh, and we did have a therapy appointment scheduled, but her mother canceled it because she didn’t want me to be there.
Sit down with her and be honest. Tell her how you are feeling and how much you are about her. Also, if things do not get better, consider family therapy. I have a feeling her mother is putting things in her head.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like I have to walk around eggshells aroud my step daughter: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
She definitely needs to be in therapy.
Sounds like her mom might be bad mouthing you to her daughter.
Even if hee mother doesnt go I would still make an appointment for u and ur stepdaughter so u guys can come to a different or better understanding they could also help u with finding discipline that works
This is actually pretty normal. Stand your ground with punishments and keep doing what you are doing. It will pass
Well first of all you need to remember she’s going through puberty. I have a 10 year old and girls start much younger nowadays. Second, I personally don’t think punishing her is the appropriate method. I know it certainly didn’t work for me when I was going through it, and so I parent my daughter with the approach I wish my mom had taken. My daughter and I are extremely close. I treat her how I wish I would have been treated though. Also, you need to keep in mind how hard it probably is for her having a split household. Just take the approach of how you would want to be treated if you were in her shoes. It has worked out very well for me. Being a step parent is hard, luckily I am only a step momma to boys but I do have my baby girl. Just keep in mind as frustrating as it is to see her mom pull this stuff right now, I promise you she sees it and later on she will resent her for it. Just keep being the best step momma you can be.
It sounds like you have a teenager 
my 12 yr old is the same. They take their anger out on people they know won’t leave them. She needs to talk to someone and express her anger in a positive way and work through it.
She might be jealous because she won’t be able to have you to herself
I’m assuming she’s an only child until now. That plays a part as does age
Kick her lil’ butt out and send her off with her momma since they are besties at the moment. Lets see how long that lasts.
She’s creeping on the teenage years and probably needs therapy from the toxic parent. Good luck 
be patient with her. Those situations usually are a mess
Her mom will be her best friend bc she don’t tell her anything. She will be mad at u for the next few years for being the firm parent but will thank you later.
I was 14 when my mom told me “u wanna act like a woman, go outside and get beat like one”
I hated her then, but love her now for not letting me walk over her and do what I wanted.
Therapy for sure and don’t be afraid to correct her
She may be jealous of the unborn child, she may think you’ll love them more than her. Could be her own thoughts or put there by others. Love her unconditionally
You can do family therapy you, dad and her. And continue to discipline her. It’s your house. She’s the only one going to lose sleep over it. Draw boundary lines with her. And tell her flat out the behavior expectations, the consequences and she can complain to her mother all she wants but it isn’t going to change things.
Counseling for both of you would really help.
She either books her ideas up or she doesn’t stay at your house. Step parent thing aside, she should be respect you as her elder. And by the sounds of it she has none. What is your husbands take on this? I would recommend she sees someone to get to the bottom of it as you say it is getting worse. Best of luck to you x
The dad( your husband) should get his daughter into counseling for her issues
She may just be acting out because your pregnant. She may think that since that child is coming she will be forgotten about. Maybe Reassure her with some quality time between the two of you to discuss things about the baby.
Very normal. My step son all of a sudden lives his mother who he has hated since we got custody 5 years ago . He got punished for stealing his phone back after we took it for misuse. So we grounded him and we weren’t going to allow a fun extra trip with his mom. So he got pissed and said my husband hit him. Not true at all. Now he’s playing this game. We have never spanked our kids we have 6. So she took him off our porch. So we have to go back to court to get him back. Therapy is most important.
Send her back home to her mother 
you can’t listen to my rules and behave as you should then 
no way you should feel like that in your own home .
As a step mom of 4 girls, for over 37 years. I never ever punished my step daughter’s, their father did all the punishment. I never had to take them to the Dr. their mother did that or their father, I did have them a lot with , babysitting, I was fine with that. The oldest was 15, 13,11, and 6 when I meet my husband. I learned it is better to realize no matter what your place is to be a step mom. Their friend, their fathers wife, and let him and his ex be the parents, my husbands ex and I are really good friends, my step daughter’s are my best friends. They are now married kids of their own , I am blessed that I now have grands and g grands that do not look at me as a step just grammy. My husband and I adopted 3 siblings, my husbands ex is granma to them.
We just went through the same thing with my stepdaughter with me her dad and her brother our son. For the past 2 yrs she is 12 now but it started when she was around 10 her momma got her a phone we didn’t agree and didn’t let her have it when she is here we also don’t let her have and do as she pleases she has rules chores and boundaries bc she is still a child. She started by just going and tell her mom lies about me like that I wasnt taking care of her when she was sick. Which I always have then started saying we abuse her bc we punish and her mother has no rules or anything. She is now full time living with her mom bc she went as far to call child services on us bc she wanted to go live with her mom she said she would make up whatever lie she has to to go to her mom’s bc at her mom’s it’s free for all all the time. Even though child services came here and prooved all her alligations false our lawyer said for us just to let her go bc she won’t stop with the constant back talking being mean to her brother and lying. She even went as far as to wait until we went to bed and snuck out a window of our home and went to a friend’s house to call her mom to come get her bc we grounded her bc she was caught vaping at 11 yrs old. In her mom’s eyes she never does anything wrong she was caught vaping with a friend not here at that friends house but it wasn’t her fault and we were wrong for grounding her for 2 weeks.
There’s probably layers to this. Counseling would help.
Be patient & jus keep doin what your doin. & if necessary jus have your husband do most of the disciplining for now.
But she’s probably dealing w a lot of layers.
Some kids don’t do well w change.
Just try to understand how much she’s going through at at that age, everything feels like it’s our to get you
She is scared!! She is gearing herself up to losing you😞 Keep doing fun things w her,do your nails together, she can shop w you and pick something up for the Baby, take her for a walk,whatever, just keep showing her that the baby won’t change your Love for her! Let her know that you will need her help w the Baby, and be sure to give her things to do to help the Baby when Baby arrives. , I ABSOLUTELY would not encourage her negative feelings about her Mom either!! That WILL only hurt her in the long run! , Good luck, I hope everything works out🙏 Don’t let her get away w any nonsense either!!
Maybe her mum put it in her head you’ll love the baby more and won’t want her. Reassure her she’s still your little girl too and nothing will change. She’s becoming a teen soon and it’s not always easy
sounds like you and her dad need to cut all communication with her mom … stop giving her a phone to call her mom and bad mouth you
It honestly sounds like mom is brainwashing her. She may also be a little jealous, especially if she has been an only child up to this point. Maybe YOU should have a one on one conversation with her. Take her to lunch, maybe to get a mani/pedi and have a conversation. Explain to her that you love her just the same, even with baby on the way. Tell her what a great big sister she’s going to be. Ask for her help… so she feels needed. Simple things like sorting and folding the baby’s clothes, ask her opinion on how to arrange the nursery etc. Make sure she knows she is still loved and needed.
Dad needs to be the one to punish and take her to her appointments
She has had all your attention for six years. Now you are bringing a baby into the family. She may feel threatened that she won’t matter any more. If her bio mom is like you say she is, she my be feeding her ideas about her being replaced. Since this started right after you got pregnant, this is my guess as what is happening. You probably gave her more love and attention than her bio mom and she’s afraid of losing that. She’s only 10. Maybe if you do something special with her, include her about the baby and reassure her she is not going to be replaced, etc. things will get better. Just a thought. Good luck 
I’m so sorry that you have to deal with her, but she does have a problem as now a new baby will take her place. Really a stepmom shouldn’t have to discipline her as it’s her father’s job. Maybe you could get her interested in looking for new clothes for the baby and let her pick something out.
She is acting this way because she isn’t sure how to sort out her feelings. I am sure she is hearing negativity from mom and positive from you and dad about the new baby. She’s scared, time for you and daddy to sit her down and talk to her. Remind her she is loves and the baby isn’t going to change how you feel about her. She’s ten she’s unsure. Lots of love and understanding and she will be ok
I’m just gonna leave this here… reach out if you have an questions or concerns
Many children act out when a new baby is on the way.
Therapy. And possibly family therapy. She will always want her mother’s approval and maybe that’s what she is fighting for.
You better keep a close eye on your new born wherever it may be.The wonderful thing by meeting a new partner …one things…is romance,moonlight and roses.Then you are blessed with a new baby.Unfortunately your Prince Charming on his high horse throws you with a package…a jealous,mean ex wife and a child instigated to be just as mean by Mum that had to give her husband to you.
Life looks so easy…
But it is not.
I rather stay married to the same man for nearly 50 years.They have all the qualms of 5 different men.But all ends well just before death 'cause then they have been trained to subjection:smirk:
.True story.!!!..
Kids act out when there’s about to be a new baby.
Have a talk with her and explain to her new baby isn’t going to “replace her” and that you & dad still love her very much! Take her to do some fun things before baby arrives.
There’s a chance (I don’t like to make assumptions) bio mom has used daughters emotions about the new baby to her advantage and put things in her head to turn daughter against y’all.
But - actions speak louder than words and you guys just he to show her she’s loved, even with new baby.
I say if you have been raising her then u have every right to discipline her. Your house your rules!
I have absolutely zero experience in being a step parent and barely any experience in being a parent at all my son is only two but I know how I was as a child and I went through a long period of time where I was very hard to love. Children need love the most when they are the hardest to give it to. I wouldn’t stop being you. I would keep being loving and caring and try not to take anything personally. She will see things more clearly when she’s older she’s probably already heading there being 10 already. Just don’t stoop to the bio moms level and pull away from the child or give her what she wants by backing off. Keep investing your time and love into her even if she doesn’t receive it the way you want her to. It’ll always matter to be loving and kind. It may not matter to her today but if you stop being that way to her she will notice and remember.
I’d have rules for your house and if she didn’t abide by them, she would have to stay at home with her mother. I know this is easier said than done, as the father wants to spend time with his daughter, but I’d be damned if a little girl would come in my home and basically turn it upsidedown. I would not walk on eggshells for noone, especially a spoiled brat child that doesn’t want to follow the rules of the house. I’d have her dad and I sit her down and explain that this is how it’s going to be from now on. Let her know you love her and you’re not trying to be her mom but you have rules that she has to abide. I’d text her mom (or tell her) the same thing. If she kept on “not getting her way” and called her mom, to twist things, I think her dad needs to take her phone away from her while she’s at your house so she can’t manipulate things. You should not have to be so stressed out about this, especially being pregnant. Sounds like her mom is encouraging this behavior.
Hormones for her. Change for her. She won’t be #1 she feels. Reassure her. Be kind, listen, give her space. Don’t bring her mom into it but don’t become a pushover. Rules are rules.
I suggest her not be around you with out her father so he is knowing what is going on.
I would not take it too personally honestly. This sounds like she’s super worried about a new baby coming along. You were the stable thing in her life with her dad and the attention she gets and now to her that is jeopardized
It sounds like she is worried that if you have your own baby, you will not love her the same or want her anymore. She needs love and reassurance and involvement.
Definitely needs counseling and you do need to be there since you are the target of her anger. Could be jealousy over the new baby or could be the mother turning her on you. I think your husband needs to get the courts involved and make this mandatory for everyone involved, including the mother.
It sounds like after the mom found out you were pregnant she started using that to get the daughter to stop liking you. Shes probably telling her after the baby comes you and the dad wont pay any attention to her, wont want her anymore. I would start trying to get her involved picking out baby things, trying to get her involved etc. If things don’t improve though you’re going to have to tell dad hes going to have to step in more, take her to appointments being her caregiver when shes at your house. I would not walk on eggshells where I live for anyone.
Dad should be doing the disciplining and more communication and coparenting with the mother instead of saying she is a bad person. That’s not helping anything.
Send her to live with her mother then
Your husband should be the one punishing his daughter for bad behaviour he shouldn’t just be sitting back and leaving u to deal with it that’s not fair and it doesn’t show a United front Infront of his child , he needs to step up and take control of this situation before it gets any worse as it seems everyone is quite happy to sit back and let u be the bad guy , tell your husband to get off this back side and deal with it
I would have them reschedule the appointment without you. It is something and better than nothing. The counselor will request you be there when the time is right.
Then dad takes her to therapy. He should be able to address both of your issues with her new behavior. I’m betting mom is trying to be friend now. Her dad needs to step up more and be on top of issues and be speaking with the mom. And document everything Bc she’s going to have a choice soon enough and you’ll need to prove that moms not the best option for her.
They both need to learn respect. It’s up to you how you teach them.
You should let her go by herself and just be outside of the appointment. Reassure her that you’re there for her.
It sounds like she might be feeling some jealousy with the new baby coming. My son had this issue with his step mom when she was pregnant. She might be scared of not getting the same attention and love when the baby comes
This is normal. She’s older now so she’s learned to play both sides. If she’s not getting her way with you she will run to her mom. Don’t take it personal though I know it’s hard. Being a stepmom is far far far harder then most ppl realize. Counseling should definitely be implemented so she has someone outside she can talk to. Your husband needs to be the bad guy sometimes too, step or bio both parents need to share in the responsibility of being the bad guy so it’s not always you.
If nothing else she needs to be in individual therapy and possibly family therapy with you and your husband. You need to hold your ground with her with your husbands support. She’s pushing because she knows she can, it will be rough and she is going to act out when the baby is born. But you have to establish the rules of your house and enforce them. Also give positive feedback when she does something you ask make sure she knows you appreciate when she behaves. Sit down and talk to her like an adult about the baby and what’s expected of her as a big sister, and she needs to be reassured that she is going to still be loved when the baby gets here. Let her be involved now with the baby take her to your next ultrasound if allowed, let her pick a special outfit or toy, let her feel that this is special for her as well. It can be hard with a new baby coming especially if she is an only child and It’s hard having 2 sets of rules when you are a kid, but they need to feel some kind of control. And unfortunately you don’t know what her mom is telling her, I know it’s difficult but you have to be strong and loving and don’t mention anything you think her mother says and don’t bad mouth her mother and don’t have discussions about her mother with your husband where she can hear you. Because no matter what she thinks or she feels about her mother she is still her mother and she has a lot of power.
Just sit her down and ask her whats wrong because you feel and see that she is different
Your house your rules!! She is a child, children don’t make rules
Don’t take it personally. Handle it with grace because it will pass. She just is trying to please her mother right now by treating you that way. She feels like that’s what she’s supposed to do. I’ve been there as a step mother. Just keep loving her. It will pass. And she’ll appreciate that you kept loving her through it later on
Set cameras around the house. When she does something wrong bring up the footage & show that to her father & let him discipline. It’s not your place to discipline her. It’s her parents job. You’re not the babysitter, cook or her maid either. Talk with her father. Inform him from now on you will be not taking care of her. She has to learn respect.
Stand up for yourself and put her in her place. Mom, dad and YOU need to have a " come to Jesus meeting with her and set boundaries. Let her hate you if she wants to but DEMAND respect. She’ll come around when you least expect it. Sounds like her bio mom may be up to something or is jealous of you.
Being a step parent is incredibly difficult. You have all of the responsibilities and heartache and difficulties of parenting with the added complication of not being her “real” Mom. I speak from the experience of watching my husband navigate being a step parent. His approach (and I’ve seen many step parents use this tactic) is to help enforce rules, but that the discipline is primarily in the biological parents jurisdiction. This adds more complication when you and your husband aren’t on the same page as to the strictness level you want to follow, but it allows any animosity that your step daughter feels to be directed primarily at her Dad. You have enough to deal with being pregnant. The tween years are hard to navigate and bringing a sibling in during those years is hard emotionally (my kids went back and forth on whether or not they were excited about their new sibling and they’re still figuring it out 3 years later). I wish you luck, Mama!
It sounds like there’s lots of changes happening on top of her growing and changing herself. Here’s an article I found helpful.
Be careful don’t let anyone make you feel like your walking on eggshells in your home its just as much yours, my stepkids did that for years before I even had my son when they were 16 and 18 and then my stepdaughter told everyone that she hated that thing I had. Which upset me so much because my son adored them both so after that I no longer walked on eggshells. At her age he should definitely be involved more and getting in between Good luck though those days were so hard
She’s jealous of the new baby on the way
There is a lot going on here. A ten year old is approaching puberty and all the wonderful things that go along with being a female. She could be afraid that you will love your bio child more than her so she is switching teams quickly. You are the one she feels most comfortable with which means she sees you as mom which means you have to go about this carefully with love, empathy, compassion, firmness, consistency, and be ready for rage, means words and be able to forgive quickly. She will be mean and lash out but tell her often you love her and the baby will not change your feelings for her. Ask her to help you with baby. Her mom is another story. Give her no credence with her nastiness. You tell that young lady as long as she lives under your roof, she will mind you and her father or there will be discipline. You’re all part of a team and families work together for the team.
I’m thinking she said something bad to her about you. When I married my husband he had two kids. His x told them I didn’t like them. I told them straight up she didn’t know me and it wasn’t true. After that all was well.
Let her go live with her Mom for a while, she will be back real quick, with new respect.
I’d take that phone the second she walks in the door and she can have it when she leaves to go back home forget that nonsense and if your husband leaves her with you I’d definitely set up cameras to protect you and yours
Puberty???
New child on the way???
There is the possibility of unhelpful comments coming from BM. I would not discount this but I would not put all my energy into this reason only.
She might feel like the new baby is pushing her out plus puberty
She will play whatever works in her favor.Wait untill 14yrs gets here,if you think it’s bad now.Dad needs to tell mom no,your not her personal babysitter.If they can’t co-parent you can’t help either
Sounds like parental alienation happening to me.
She may be feeling caught in the middle. With you being pregnant her mother may be saying negative things about how the baby may become the centre of her fathers world to her exclusion. This will be tough on her. It is important for her father to spend quality time with her now best without you in the beginning and that may break down the wall she is building between you both. He needs to build a new relationship with her as a older child and big sister. Your role will be to support that relationship and make her feel included with the baby. Therapy may still be required and I urge you to make it for a time the child is with your family so she can speak freely with negative input by her mum. Try to put yourself in her position and see it all from her perspective. She’s still a kid and needs to feel valued and included. Good luck.
So this 10 year old child that sees her dad part time now gets to watch you & your child have him full time & you wanna ride her ass everytime she does something wrong, the mom’s horrible, she’s horrible, & poor poor you, you just don’t know what to do, cuz it was great when she hated her mother & is horrible now that she loves her mother…
& The 10 year old needs counseling???
Honestly, sounds like you should step back & let her parents raise her while you raise your new one.
& Not have her there unless Dad is present, no exceptions.
. New baby on the way.
. Puberty
Also her mum might have said that you will put your baby first or love it more.
Just communicate with her. Just you and her when she comes over talk. Ask her what is upsetting her. She might feel stressed about having a new baby around and doesn’t know how to communicate it to you or her dad.
Shes almost a preteen and puberty is gonna be hitting soon if it hasnt already not an excues but it a reason just keep being the parent and making rules and not letting her walk all over you
Please don’t be to harsh on her. She has some insecurities about the new baby and where she will fit into this dynamic. Her bio -mom may be entertaining those thoughts. On top of that is puberty that will also exaggerate her emotions. I would try to spend a couple of hours each week doing grown up (age appropriate)things.Doing nails, girls fishing trip, free concert, etc.Dad needs to do the same and give her a couple hours a week for them. Also, have the discussion (especially dad) with her about understanding and validating her feelings. Let her know that you love her and need her, especially with the new baby. Make sure she is included/ involved in decorating, baby showers,conversations, etc. when she is with you.
Are you having a girl? Maybe she feels like she will be discarded once the baby comes. So she is taking out all of her fear and insecurities on you because she being 10 doesn’t understand how to cope.
Seems like mommy dearest is jealous of the new baby and situation and is now trying to manipulate ur stepdaughter into hating u too. It’s not ok! Yall need to come together and speak to her all at once in a family meeting. This to show the mom ain’t being 2 faced abt it cuz it seems funny and a lil to coincidental to me that u get prego and all of a sudden all these problems arise and her mom went from somewhere she cldnt stand to being her bff. Sorry but sound like brainwashing to me. Good luck to u and plz be careful as far along as u r.
Let her live with mom. Grass isn’t always greener. Or your hubby needs to not just put his foot down but slam it down with his daughter and his ex.
Her dad needs to take her for counseling .
Therapy…and just take her…leave her mom out of it.
I am so sorry. My situation is basically the same and my step daughter has proclaimed how much she hates me now. I just try to give her space and hope she comes around. Long story but nothing I can do… Anything I try just makes it worse. Hope it turns out better for you. So sad.
Keep the counseling session even if bio doesn’t go.
Maybe she could try therapy alone there maybe things she needs to get through without either of u just a thought
I have lived this life. Had a step daughter that adored me… Her mom hated me… She was fine until age 13. Then, she hit me and cursed me out in front of all our kids (she has four younger siblings) and we decided to tell her to change or choose to stay away. She’s chosen to stay away. It’s been three years. If the bio mom is adamant that she breeds hate in her children, sometimes there’s not much you can do. Her younger brothers were more resistant to the brainwashing. They still see us regularly and honestly the dynamic is so much more peaceful without the drama.
On a good day surprise her with a special outing and talk to her openly. Ensure her you will love her after the baby and she’ll still be important.
Here… My mother used to do this thing where she’d go directly against what I said so she could be the good guy and I was the asshole. Then it became a “shhhh, don’t tell your mom”… Teaching her to keep secrets from me. Nothing has changed with her mom, except her mom’s tactics. First I’d be looking at the things get mom is buying her… Expensive things she normally wouldn’t except like a birthday out Christmas? Something the girls wanted a long time… Kids are very easy to manipulate. And the point is to push you over the edge. Is it working yet?
She is a teen and is playing you two against each other. Ground her and if she says she is going to her mom’s pack her stuff and tell her to go. She don’t really want to it’s just an idle threat. She will change when she sees your not going to keep Taki g her crap. Don’t let her disrespect you. It’s very hard but you can do it. I’ve been thru it. It will get better, pray about it ALOT! Good luck! 
I went through it and my 13year old daughter did to. She changed overnight. There is an overwhelming amount of intense emotions at this age in girls and very rarely do they know how to handle it. Then add having a new sibling at this age that is yours and her fathers (which she knows she is not). Everything is baby focused during pregnancy even if you don’t realize it or try not to make it. Everyone else around will make it obvious. She probably feels like she is being replaced. Not saying it’s right, but try to assure her that your love for her is the same as the baby and that you understand what she’s going through and are there if she wants to talk to you. You deserve to enjoy your pregnancy and be excited but include your step daughter or try to as much as possible!!!
Stop this when she is it your house your rules no phone calls to mom and if they do not like it keep her home
Stop acting like a child take charge
Make an attempt to talk to her. Assure her that you will love her the same even after the new baby arrives. Then, treat her the way that you always have. Don’t change your house rules or The punishment for breaking them. Remember, in your home, you and your husband are the boss. Not the 10 year old and not her mother.
This child is only 10 snd her mind is whirling as she has her mom on one side saying things and dad and you on the other. She doesn’t have the capacity to comprehend what is going on. She needs therapy! Don’t tell the mom who the therapist is for the appointment if your husband and the mom have equal say in health care decisions. This child needs to be seen ASAP so she can talk freely with an unbiased adult. Something is going on and it needs to be addressed now.
Because she was probably told you and her father are replacing her with a new child. Her mom sounds mean spirited and controlling. Reassure Lexi she is very wanted and loved and she will be very much loved by the new baby
Let her know that you are there for her. Don’t have a chat with her teacher her that you are there and know that something is wrong and you will just sit with her and listen to her and only say something if she asks. She needs to know also that you are afraid she might have some information about the family dinamics might of been miss communication has happened. Start by just listening to her and build from there. She needs to know that you are worried about how to work together with out making matters worse because everyone is learning including adults. They need to know our feelings too like we need to know theirs.
Between her hormones caused by her age and I am gonna “assume” the things she is being told by “toxic parent” she is scared. She is probably being told that after the baby is here they aren’t going to want you around or they won’t love you like they did before (I was told this by a toxic stepmom) and wanted nothing to do with my dad because of it. So in her mind she is loosing you and dad in a very horrible way, so she is chosing the “toxic parent” because she feels that is going to be her only normalcy. 
I really hate the mind games toxic parents play with their children it really messes these poor babies up