Nacho her.
Nacho kid (not your kid)
Nacho problem ( it your problem)
Don’t engage with her. Let her parents parent her. 100% stay out since neither parent seem to have your back.
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She gets her shit together or she isn’t allowed over. Dad needs to stop being a punk ass and step up to disciplining the little shit. She’s using the situation against y’all. Stop letting that child run things. Let her run tell mama. Oh fuckin well. As long as you aren’t abusing her, it doesn’t matter that she’s tattling. Make sure to establish rules that what happens at dads stays at dads and set punishments for her tattling to mom.
Talk with her assure her you love her and nothings is changed and not even your baby will replace her, reduce the punishments for breaking rules for now. Engage her in the things she likes so when the mum tries to ask the child will be excited to tell. If the mum is really poisoning her mind, she will start to withdraw. Involve in your plans like shopping for your baby, you can pick something for too while at it.
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Have dad take her to counseling. Mother can have her own visit. Go only if invited. Individual counseling for step daughter
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I have personally been in that situation and more than likely the bio mom is telling her what to believe and what to say. It happened to me, and as soon as my husband found out that she was lying because her mom told her to so he would leave me then he would simply ask if her mom told her to say it or if it really happened and it was always something her mom told her to say, or I immediately texted her dad to tell him what happened before everything got twisted that way i had proof when she told her mom I was mean for making her clean up her toys and she bit me. Also her mom could be telling her that if you guys have a baby you won’t want her anymore that also happened with me and we just took her one day to go do stuff and reassure her that we would love them both equally
After reading some comments agree with alot of ppl. I think your house your rules if you don’t like it don’t come back. Let her see the truth. She’ll realize who is truly there for her and who isn’t.
It sounds like puberty is right around the corner .and keep in mind that the plandemic has also had negative impacts on these kids .take her out for a girls day and get into her head !
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Step parents are not parents…step parents do not need to be handing out punishments in any way. This is for her mother and father to handle how they see fit. Hopefully they will deal with it in an appropriate way that teaches her to have some better behaviour in your home. At this age children can change a lot so give her an extra wide circle right now to make sense of the all the changes she is personally experiencing. Maybe it’s not personal…maybe she’s just adjusting to all the changes.
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Definetly its her mother gaslighting her to you both.
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I would say that her mother is putting ideas in her head about the baby being more important than her. You need to talk to her, involve her let her know she’s important to you
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The problem is the mother. You don’t know what she had told your daughter. Especially now that you pregnant she must have blackened you and your unborn child. I think you need to take your daughter aside and start doing things just the two of you and say to her that even though the baby is going to be around she is still a very valuable part of your life. I think she is feeling insecure about the new arrival and with a mother that is heartless behind her there is not anything else you can do but shower her with a triple portion of affection to reassure her that she has an important role amongst you
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So being a 10 year old girl her hormones are all over the place so fighting against the mother figure she lives with is normal and will only get worse until she is 18 lol. The bio mom may have said some things to her to turn you against her or think the new baby is replacing her. If it was me I would take her out one day to a nice peaceful spot and just sit and talk with her a bit. Normal generic stuff at first then gently come into the real issue. Instead of putting focus on the new baby tell her you can’t wait to see how great of a big sister she is going to be. You can’t wait to see the 2 of them bond and grow up Together!! She needs reassurance, love and honestly some space at times. Sometimes the best thing you can do for a kid is let them know you love them and will always be there for them no matter what and you will also respect their feelings and boundaries. Don’t push too hard or that can backfire, give her some love and time. She will realize what’s actually going on don’t worry.
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Ummm it’s hell! I’m there… I love my other half and my step kids. I just can’t and don’t parent … Which I mean come on… Their kids their in your home. Our home!! We have rules I’m a parent…but I literally act like I don’t see it…
I tried and tried … Their mom is the same, mean spirited. I hear it gets better but dad just let’s so much slide because he’s tired of fighting with her.
Counseling was court ordered but then they aged out and they no longer have to go mom still manipulates them honestly I just pray that it gets better…
Hugs!!
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Therapy even if she don’t want you there it will help and God willing lexi changes her mind after a while
It sounds like her mother may be putting ideas into her head like “they won’t love you or care about you when the baby comes” or “that baby is going to replace you” type things.
I would get her father to sit down together with you and her and reassure her that you both love her and that the baby is in no way going to replace her. Etc…
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Your house, your rules. Youre being held captive by a 10 year old and shes manipulating you…
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I bet mom said when baby comes you won’t be wanted…
I would definitely be having a talk with daughter…she may need reassuring
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Hormones definitely play a role in this. Just reassure her you all love her and are excited about her being a big sister, talk about all the things she can do as a big sister and what traits you may like them to share. She might just be confused about what and where her position is in the family now.
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Following because same!! Idk what to do anymore, we’re to the point when his kids come over its just upsetting. They will literally call their mom on EVERYTHING. Its put a huge strain on our relationship, currently we’re not even sleeping in the same room because of all the arguements over his bm and kids cause. idk if its their mom manilpulating them in to doing her dirty work because the woman absolutely hates me.
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Sounds like she is jealous and bio mom is egging shit on. Try to keep your cool unless there is a huge issue with the step daughter. Also maybe sit down and talk to her about how she is feeling and maybe include her more with the pregnancy
Perhaps a good therapist…for everybody…kids don’t realise the true impact of their words…
She was your friend when younger now another small peerson needs that attention could she be jealous another is drugs somewhere
I think its a mixture of things for her. I think when her mum found out about the pregnancy shes been bad mouthing you to your step daugter, your step daughter may also think you will love her less now you’re having a baby and her mum may be fueling that worry she may also be a bit jealous that this baby gets to live with her daddy all the time when she cant. Maybe see if you can do some girly stuff together show her you love her etc. Punishments should be more down to the parents focus more on just being there for her
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Sounds like the mother is manipulating her. Filling her head telling her this new baby is taking her spot and that you won’t love her anymore!? That’s my guess. Have you tried having a “you and Lexi day?” Go out bonding and try to have her open up.
It’s not quite the same but I just recently had a daughter, my son from a previous relationship is 11. I didn’t want him to feel “replaced” with his half sister being born. I kept him involved throughout the pregnancy. Told him about the baby each week, took him to a 3D ultrasound. And my husband (his step dad) and I talked to him multiple times about how much we love him, and how his baby sister is going to love him. I even narrowed the baby’s bed set down to 5 different sets and had him pick out the one he liked best for his baby sister. She’s 6 months old now, and he absolutely adores her.
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Get a child therapist quick!
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Sounds like she mite be acting out thinking when the baby comes she won’t be as loved and included you don’t know what goes on at her other home just keep her involved and includes stick to.your rules she will thank you for it in the long run try talking with her bit of girl bonding
Your attitude towards her mother is no better than the girl’s attitude towards you… you just straight up called her mother a horrible person. This child might sense that you feel that way about her mother. She may be going through normal hormone changes which we all know can turn us into someone we normally wouldn’t be along with the fear of being forgotten when the baby arrives. Kids should not be expected to be able to handle everything smoothly…parents need to help them over the bumps in life.
Hormones. Regardless of what her mother says you have to make her mind. Have her father do it at least until she behaves better. Make sure she understands that the new baby want replace her.
She feels like the new baby will replace her, that’s why she’s acting out. Reassure her that you have enough place in your heart to love her and your baby equally. Be patient with her and try giving her extra attention. She will come around, she doesn’t know how to deal with her emotions, she’s still a little girl. She needs that reassurance from you that she will always be your special girl and you will love her the same even when the new baby is there. Give her extra hugs and kisses.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like I have to walk around eggshells aroud my step daughter: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like I have to walk around eggshells aroud my step daughter: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Division is being created, you and your new baby against big sis. Its natural to feel like your being replaced when your not the biological child of both parents, and then bam! There is one. She has chosen to forgive past transgressions of her biological mother probably because that’s the team she comes from. I would support her relationship with her mother and get everyone on the same team. ALL of you are family, like it or not. All share one thing in common at least, all having love for this little girl. If she feels more secure of her place in the family she might get more excited about her new brother or sister. Just my opinion. Similar situation with my oldest daughter and her little half sister. They were 9 years apart.
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Take a step back and talk to her dad. You are not mom even if you love her like a daughter. Have dad reinforce that it’s y’all house and she will respect and mind you in yalls home. Have all communication recorded with her mother.
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I recommend taking her to counseling. She has some issues she needs to work through.
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You shouldn’t be at the therapy session. That is for the parents to take her to. If she has a problem with you then she won’t be able to express that. 10 year olds are tough. Things are changing and now you are having a baby which is probably upsetting. Take a step back and let your husband deal with punishment. I’ve been the mom and didn’t want the stepmom taking my kids to the doctor. That’s my job or their dad. I don’t like my husband punishing my children. I’m the parent, it’s my job. Sounds like you’re trying to be the mom when she has one. Try being more of a friend. Don’t talk trash about her mom. My stepmom always stayed out of the parenting role. I despised my stepdad for trying to act like my dad. It’s tough but it’s not your responsibility.
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Sorry you having these issues especially now. Take care of yourself, leave the disciplining to Dad. Whenever you think of her send her love ,it really works. Children sometimes do get difficult around this age.you be kind and loving to her, her bad behaviour is not a reflection on you.
I agree with normal pre teen angst… but I also feel like the birth mom is maybe using your pregnancy to turn your step daughter against you. I’m familiar with toxic dynamics and she may have told your guys daughter that once the baby comes she’ll be forgotten about and pushed aside. Add manipulations like that with teenage hormones and I can understand your worry. I think you need to not only talk to her about the baby but continue to solidify your relationship with her. Pulling away and becoming defensive will only feed into what the birth mom is likely saying about you.
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As others have said, sounds like common preteen emotions set off more by a new baby. Its not personal but continuing to tell her you love you you’re there for her and that this new sibling will love her and needs a big sister will sink in
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- since you two were close TALK to her yourself. Tell her you miss the way things were and you’re wondering what changed. How can things be better. Explain to her that you want to be her friend and that real friends tell each other the truth so when she’s doing something wrong, you have no choice but to let her know, AS HER REAL FRIEND.
- of that doesn’t work at all, take her to a therapist, to talk to. Someone that can mediate your relationship a little bit also talk to her alone if need be.
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Sounds like a she is acting like a preteen. Not easy but definitely not personal
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Smother her with love. Continue keeping structure in her life. Ask super important advice from her for the baby “you have such great style, what color outta these should we go with?” “You’re such a talented artist, would you be willing to draw a picture for her room? I would pay you a commission?” Make up silly names for the baby (my 3 year old chose Batman & literally tells people his name is “Batman Nathaniel.”
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You absolutely cannot walk on eggshells. That is not okay. You cannot have a child in your house that you cannot parent. There is nothing to talk about. You parent and he has to 100% have you back. Period. I walked into my step daughter’s life at 11. Whew. It was rough. Kids divide and conquer. He has your back no matter what in public. If he disagrees with anything he can talk to u in private after he stood behind you not liking it.
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I would say you should definitely go see a therapist and get to the root of the issue. And reassure her that no matter what arguments you get in or what consequences are given that you love her and always will. That a new baby will never replace her or her dads love for her. That’s a big transition.
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She’s going to get worse. Her hormones may be kicking in early. It could also be she’s jealous of the new baby coming. Her Mom might be trying to plant in her mind that her Dad is going to choose the new baby over her. If her Mom isn’t taking her to the doctor, what else isn’t she doing for her. Document as much as you can. There may be a case for getting custody of her. Best wishes, and God bless your family.
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To me it sounds like she may be jealous of the new baby, she is still very young at 10 years old and I know it’s hard feeling that way when your pregnant but if you can just try to show love and patience and reassure her she will still be loved even after you have your baby.
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Time for dad to step in and put both mama and child in their place with you present. Put his foot down and let everyone aware of their role.
Adults do the adulting, coparenting etc. and that child needs to check herself or get checked. Any disrespect towards you, is a disrespect to him. And mom needs to grow up.
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Shes reacting to your pregnancy for sure. And if her mother is as bad as you say (I would say you could be bias so really reflect here) then she could have an influence as well. She is probably worried about bring replaced oozing your time ans attention. If her mother is there for her or appears to be (by shit talking) then she’s going to of course feel like she can turn to her right now. Just be there and talk to her and make sure she knows she’s loved and that you’re there for her
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That’s exactly what’s going on is mom is making her hate you. I have dealt with it 4 years now and ever since our daughter came it got even worse and now they are teens so it’s to the point the eldest literally bashes me on social media by name now just like her mom used too
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The mother could definitely be using your pregnancy to turn her against you, I would just spend as much time as possible with your step daughter to let her know she is still loved
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Mate it’s the mother. Sorry to say this but this childs actions and attitude is down to the mother. The pregnancy has sparked something in the mother which has resulted in the child acting this way…
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Shes afraid you will love the baby more than her and reject her. So she’s going to test her theory. She may not know thats whats happening but its likely what’s happening. Make sure you are making time for unsolicited, positive attention that you give freely without expectations from her. Then the consequences for negative behavior doesn’t feel attached to acceptance and love. I have a few kids… His mine ours. Good luck and God speed😘
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At 10 years old, she’s old enough that you should be able to talk with daughter.
It could be jealousy, anger, her toxic mother. There are a number of things this could be, but until you talk to daughter, everything is just a guess.
She’s a big girl now and will have a decent grasp on her emotions. She should be able to articulate them enough for you to make sense of them or understand them. Then, help her through them.
Include her in the baby stuff, picking out clothing, take her to a parenting class so she can learn how to feed baby, and burp baby, and maybe a bit of first aid. Have her help with the nursery. Be excited about how she’ll be a big sister, and how much fun it will be. Talk about baby names with her. Maybe give her room a bit of an update. Help with the baby shower- and shower her being a big sister.
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I think the moms feeding her daughter things
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She is likely feeling replaced by the new baby and mom is probably not helping. Been there done that. You absolutely should be a part of family counseling, as you are part of the family. She will have time to speak to the therapist individually and you al will have time as a family.
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Pre teen hormones. They go from angel to devil overnight.
I suggest counseling individual and family. Mainly you need to teach her some coping skills. Actions have consequences . If she doesn’t like those consequences she needs to mind her actions. Dad needs to back you on it
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Start by getting the daughter into counselling by herself. No one else needs to be there so the mom can piss off. Then go from there if the therapist requests anyone else presents
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Stop walking on egg shells. That kid need structure and firm rules. You don’t need to be her friend. Praise her when she’s good and try to downplay the bad behavior. I’d take the phone away completely because a child that age does not need one. If she needs it to stay in touch in touch with friends and mom? Make her earn the time she gets to spend on it. Anger issues are being caused by a lack of 3 adults being on a united front. You can’t make her mom participate but you dang sure need to make dad back you up on everything. You cannot ever let a child see or feel your fear or disagreements because they use them against you. Structure…structure…structure…and add some love in when she will let you. Good luck!
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Your peace of mind matters just as much as anyone else who stays in your home, you shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around anyone and you should absolutely be able to set rules and guidelines for your home. It’s one thing to be abusive but disciplining in a healthy and educational way should be appreciated by her mom and dad and eventually someday her as well. I hope you guys can resolve this soon. Also, I agree that therapy is necessary. You are her family, and you should be included in any problem solving that’s needed as a FAMILY. Bitter hearts will always try to control the situation but I believe with time and some persistence you two will be back to being a loving mother and daughter dynamic.
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Take Authority In Your Home, Don’t Be Afraid Of Her, Do Not Let A Child Run Your Home Or Your Life, Don’tStress The Mom, Sounds Like She Is Playing Games To Cause Disruption In Your Home, She Needs Tough Discipline And If She Has A Cell Phone Take It For Lengths At A Time, Take Away What She Loves The Most, God Bless You:clap:
🥲🥲
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I have a 13 year old daughter and my husband, her step-father, gets this from her. I think they fight to see how far they can push you and have you still love them…like they do with moms. It’s sooooo hard to watch him go through it and I get onto her about it, but I promise it gets better. Just keep loving her BUT put boundaries there…she will get it. And that mom should be ashamed of herself…the more people that love your child, the better…and as far as the therapy session…book one that neither know about and spring it last minute. And let the office know only you are the one that can cancel it…worst case you go yourself and get some help and advice from them on what to do. Stay strong…she is trying you and her mother is clearly jealous as all hell😞
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Honestly my daughter was having angry issue so she is now in therapy. She has someone to talk to that is totally neutral. Since she had been in therapy she has done hole 360 on r attitude. And my daughter is 12
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You should never discipline her. I had to learn this with my kids and their step father, my husband. He could remind them of their chores, but discipline was up to me. They say it takes 7 years for step families to mesh. Show her lots of love. Be her friend. She probably feels insecure about the baby. 10 is a hard age for a girl.
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It’s probably because of the pregnancy. She may be worried you’ll love the baby more than her or her mom could even be feeding that to her
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Sounds a lot like my situation. My Stepdaughter will be 10 and I’ve been in her life since she was born . She is definitely becoming a preteen . Try to go get some coffee with her or out shopping . Set her aside and talk let her know your not there to be her Enemy but a friend also let her know of some boundaries around the house . My step will have her fits to thats when I call her in my room and it usually is a good 30 minute talk and just her venting and me listing . Maybe she isn’t getting enough attention. Reassure her that even with a new baby coming you won’t love her any less .
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Therapy could help. Id also make it a rule that she can’t just call her mom everytime she’s on punishment. Your house your rules. Id also step back and let dad handle punishments for now so that you aren’t the bad guy all the time. Then you focus on doing more fun and relaxed stuff. Also let her help with some in the baby stuff. Maybe she can pick the middle name, help decorate, pick some clothes out
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Sounds like lexi is acting out because she is scared of the new baby arriving taking her place in your heart . It sounds like you guys love each other very much. I reckon lots of love, attention and reassurance that it is all going to be fine once new baby is here… involve her a lot in the pregnancy, ask her to pick furniture for baby room / a blanky etc. 10 is such a fragile age. So so young actually still xx good luck.
Kids change as they grow up. Stick with your morals and values and she will figure it out.
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She jealous of the new baby. Talk to her take her out more one on one if you can. Listen to her. She needs to know that she is not being replaced. Hugs for yalll
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I can only speak from my experience…sounds like my situation but I was 11/12 yrs old and it was with my stepdad and dad. Here it is in a nutshell…nothing you can say will change how she feels about her parent. No matter how bad a parent they may be. The bio parent is literally half of the child. Don’t ever bad mouth her mother! It’s literally the same as bad mouthing her! 1: Continue to parent her!!! The same way you have been. Continue to set boundaries. She will respect you later I promise. 2: Do everything possible to keep communication open and honest with her. She will eventually realize what kind of person her mother is (if she is in fact as bad as you say) and she will need you to be there for her when that happens. 3: involve her in every aspect of baby planning! She needs to know she is just as loved and important as the new baby and that her opinions are wanted and appreciated. 4: just wait it out. It will be hard and she will hate you at times. But I promise it will all be ok in the end. My stepdad and I have a great relationship. It’s hard mama but you got this! You obviously love her and are in her corner! I know the wait game is hard but she will have so much love for you in the end.
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Definitely Theraphy by herself. Eventually the therapist will ask for the parents to go in. My daughter is 16 and she’s going to therapy once a week. She saids she wants nothing to do w her father and doesn’t like him. But she knows it’s not right so she wants help to figure out how and if it’s worth fixing her relationship w him. Good luck and don’t let to much time go by w/o seeking help.
Oooh little miss ten has worked out how to play her parents off on each other. I think U kind of have to adopt a our house our rules approach to this.
Talk about the rules U have and WHY U have them like what are U Hoping to teach her by having those rules in place. How U want her to grow up to be kind and respectful etc parenting is hard and step parenting is harder especially when the other parent is toxic.
Do what you can to make everything calm, have the Father step in and take over…if all else fails, she needs to respect you and your home, and if that means she stays at her mom’s, then so be it…she needs to be accountable for her actions before she is too old to control…does this sound mean? I sure don’t want too come across as uncaring, etc…all in all it is your husbands responsibility to control this situation…pray you will find the right answer to a very serious problem…and congratulations on your pregnancy.
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Communication is best. Sit her down tell her how you feel about her treating you like this. Tell her its hurting you feelings and yall need to figure out a way to get better towards each other. Ask her if something is bothering her. Her whole world is about to change in yalls environment and she probably gonna feel like she about to be abandoned and neglected. Dont have an attitude with her. Be open. She’s maybe child but she deserves to be heard.
Its the reality of the new baby coming. She lives with you all right? So that attention is going to baby. She’s only crying out to mom because she feels like the odd person out. Talk to her. Reassure her that you will still love her like you did when yall met. 10 is an impressionable age. Don’t know if the mama is saying things but yeah. Just my opinion.
It sounds like bio mom may be feeding the 10 year old the negativity. Pair that with pre-pubecent hormones PLUS a new baby on the way and its a recipe for disaster. While your actions as stepmom are coming from a good caring place, maybe step back a bit and have dad do the big stuff like doc appts and punishments. Maybe sit the 10 year old down and talk to her like an adult, explain how you just want to do what is best for her & you want to ha e good/fun times, but that you also do expect the same respect she gives her father & bio mom.
Try taking her out on a girls day, go get your nails done or have lunch with her, be very open about your feelings for her and that having a baby will be yes a very big change but a good one and that being a big sister does have its rewards, try to get her to open up to you about how she feels about everything, I’m not saying put it in her head you’re there to replace her mother, youre there to be a bonus mom someone who she can trust and talk to, eventually she will start to realize the ones who care and who dont and who knows it could take years for it to come around but keep your chin up and stay positive.
Seems like she thinks her dad is going to love you more now that you’re carrying his new exciting baby and she’s afraid to be put on the back burner
It’s normal…this is me right now with my step sons… bio Mom is awful, she told the boys son wasn’t their real brother no that family is their family at all. She is spiteful and angry. Things were awesome for a while. Now he takes turned for some reason even with my husband the kids keep is at a distance they are pre-teen. You can always schedule counseling on your own. She doesn’t have to be their. This is your family unit not hers. Whebthe oldest in not so many words said he hoped his new baby brother would die… even still I have reservations. Kids often can’t speak their emotions. So talk to her and your husband…you three together and express your concerns ans give her a voice to speak freely without consequence. Good luck!!
First I would get her in therapy. Even if it’s just her going alone or just with her dad and then they can work you in the mix. But the daughter definitely needs it. It could be a number of things going on for her right now and she needs a place where she feels comfortable talking and right now that may not be anyone in her family unfortunately. ( not saying it’s your fault, or your husband’s at all ) if the mom is bad talking you there isn’t much you can do about her, but I would just react with kindness when the kids are in ear shot. They definitely are listening even when you think they aren’t.
It sounds like it’s a jealousy thing with the new baby, and maybe she’s also scared she’s going to lose you and her father when the new baby gets here. She doesn’t have her mom like she should, which I’m sure causes a lot of pain and then who knows what that women is telling her when she’s with her. She could be telling her that once the baby is here she’ll be replaced, or similar stuff. Who knows…
I would have her father do more one on one time and I think you two should do more one on one time as well. Make it known daily that she is loved, she could never be replaced ect… maybe even start getting her little gifts that the baby left for her and let her know how much the baby already loves her. Get her pumped to be a big sister, get her to be more involved with stuff if she isn’t already and just try to keep her active in general. I feel like the more active someone is in general they don’t think about all the stressor’s in life and you just feel better…
Another thing you can do with her; ask her if she wants to re decorate her room, or paint it a new color since the baby is getting a new room too.
She doesn’t fully understand what’s going on in her life, ( assuming since she’s only 10 ) and then adding in all the hormones that are either there or creeping up… its a lot. She could just need a lot of extra love right now, and consistency, I wouldn’t stray away from any rules you’ve set and what you expect of her, but just keep letting her know she’s loved.
I could be way off from the actual situation lol but good luck nonetheless 
It’s the age. Plus, with a new baby coming, it’s possible she feels as if she will be replaced because the baby will be with you full time and she will be a “visitor.” I think you need to talk to her about the baby and how she’s still part of the family and the baby isn’t going to be treated better than her. That the baby is her sibling. Get her involved with the pregnancy. Let her pick out some clothes and help with some fun things like photo shoots. Make her feel included. It’s only a guess but since the behavior has only recently changed, I think that’s probably the issue. It’s also possible her mom told her you guys won’t want her around after the baby comes and that only she will be there for her.
I’m she’s becoming a hormonal teenager yes even at 10 they can be one. Just try to be patient and understanding
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Okay so definitely do therapy again and wait for the therapist to request to have you present, mom can’t do anything at that point and im sure the therapist will want to include you in a couple of sessions. And even if they don’t want to include you, therapy is definitely needed before things get further out of control. My step son just turned 6 but his mom is the same way. A child raising children. Your daughter probably is at an age where her mom can befriend her and make your step daughter feel like she’s the best thing ever. Therapy would help tremendously (imo), because it gives an outsiders perspective to your daughter. Someone to gather all sides of the story and help give their opinion on the situation, you’ll all probably get to see a different side of things and be able to work with that. Your daughter is at a good age to instil good behaviors and coping mechanisms to deal with things out of her control.
- she is probably getting into teenage mode 2) her mom seems like she doesn’t give her consequences or make her responsible for things so you are more the authority/discipline person her mom is now more like her friend because she can do and say what she wants. 3) her
mom seems like she is not helping the situation with her actions or words. 4) what is the custody situation like is there a court order etc … I would try therapy by herself and then maybe your husband, stepdaughter and yourself, then try getting the mom to join. I think part of it is also the new baby coming and the unknowns and it not being all about her anymore.
Include her with things to do with the baby. It’s hard being the step parent just reassure her you love her and every time she gets in trouble after you punish explain to her why she got in trouble and that was the consequences to her getting in trouble
I honestly would not assume it’s cause of the mom… all kids sometimes go through stuff like this with a baby on the way🤷🏻♀️ and you just assuming because she got closer with her mom recently that her attitude change is because of her mother… stop doing that… that’s only going to make it worse, trust me… I would talk to her and make sure she knows things won’t change because the baby is coming… I would include her in baby stuff… I honestly am going to bet this attitude change has to do with the baby and not the mom and you thinking it’s cause of her mom is why it’s not getting any better…
I’m sure her birth mother is telling her that you and her father wont love her now that you guys have a child on the way. So she is probably acting out because she thinks it’s true and is hurt. My husband’s ex did that when we had our daughter and now his oldest daughter who is 12 doesn’t even want to meet her sister. I wish I could tell you what to do. Other than maybe both of you sitting down and telling her that just because you guys have a baby on the way doesn’t mean you love her any less. Maybe take her out on a special day just you two.
Sounds like big changes in your stepdaughter’s life are happening. Be kind and patient. Talk about everything even if it may be a one sided conversation. She may just need some reassurance she still has a solid support system now seeing a new baby and being a big sister will be part of her world.
I would say its the age, because my daughter went through the same stage. Although she doesnt have step parents. I suggest you stay firm like you are. She will see that you are consistant and appreciate it. The mom should support the fact her daughter has bonus parents. It takes a village…
Yeah I’ve had this happen too. Pretty close to it too actually, sort of. Somewhat different for sure. It’s nothing personal on their end at all. It’s their time to discover feelings and navigate through. But it gets hard. All you can do is be patient and try to be understanding.
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My stepson is 12. I have been with his father since he was 2. Im his stepmom and have been a huge part of his life and would do anything for him because I love the kid like my own. I have a wonderful relationship with his mother, we acually hang out lol. HOWEVER… I never have, dont intende to, ever “punish” him. There is a thin line i dont believe step parents should cross if the mother & father are both involved. I will correct him for doing something he shouldn’t & that kind of stuff, but never would I take it apon myself to punish him. This little girl knows who her mom is & that bond is usually the strongest of all. Even if the mom isn’t the best like you say. So thats also nothing to be messed with.
Something has triggered her to go from nice to mean. Its the age too. If any way possible , you and your husband sit her down and talk to her about the rules and manners that must be used in your house. A new baby is exciting,but she might think she wont get attention when the baby arrives. I could write you a book regarding all of this. I have lived it.
This is tricky…BUT continue parenting and giving her tough LOVE like you always have…and continue reminding her you love her more now than you ever have. Alot of verbal encouragement, praise her when she does the right things…but remind her that you are a team and have to work together…and sometimes you have to do things she may not like because that is a parent’s job. She probably needs you now more than ever. Don’t make the mistake of giving up on her. This is a tough age where most kids especially girls are trying to find their independence. As far as the mom, you can’t let your daughter manipulate the situation. However, do remind both of them that you are all tied forever with this new baby. They can all work together or make things difficult. I wouldn’t bother much with the mom since you can’t control much on her end. Kill her with kindness, though. Let your stepdaughter see you killing her mom with kindness. Your step daughter may also be going through some feelings about the new baby. Make her feel like the best big sister in the world and include her in everything every step of the way. Tell her you need her! Keep encouraging and making her feel super important. It may get tough and be exhausting and draining at times…but keep steady. She continues to need you and with your steady tough love she will cave in as she gets older. As for therapy…maybe send her alone so she has someone to talk to. It doesn’t have to be witb all of you and mon can’t do anything about therapy while she is under your care. You do what is best for you. Tell your step daughter you just want her to have someone extra to talk to and say whatever she wants to to that person. Also…get some solo time for you to have an outlet, because you will need all the patience in the world right now. Good luck!
Human development. 
She is getting older, and I’m almost certain that she is feeling replaced. You and her mom, and dad may not have anything to do with her outbursts, maybe she just doesn’t know how to word what she feels.
I think it’s her mom putting stuff in her head probably saying that she won’t be as important when the baby comes and yes she needs someone to talk to just sit her down
You don’t have to walk around on egg shells. She’ll continue to be upset but she’ll eventually get over it. You need to show her that you’re not going to put up with attitude or she will walk all over you.
Let her have her phone and you take the charger.
Do the same with her tablet and computer.
10 is when “aliens” invade their body and minds…
She’s just realized that she isn’t going to be the center of attention.
Counseling would help.
Been there and done that…sit with your husband and set house rules and consequences. Ones that no matter what, how small or big, the two of you follow. Discuss it with the child so they know what to expect. Follow through with everything you say no matter what. Be consistent. Individual therapy and group therapy and schedule on your time. If she continues to cancel individual therapy go to court and get it court ordered. Include her as much in the planning of the baby to feel like she is a part and is not being forgotten. Plan things between you and her and just her and her dad and then together with all. That way she still feels special and important. Set a routine that she can rely on.
Try making a therapy appointment for just the child, and then one as a group. Mom shouldn’t object to therapy alone, and the child might find it easier to talk without a parent in the room. It sounds to me like she is feeling like she is being replaced. Like you will care more about the baby than her. Feeling rejected causes lots of anger issues. Maybe try saying that you want to spend some time with just her. That you think she is a great kid, and that should be celebrated. Give her a choice of 3 or 4 things to do. Shopping and lunch, or a movie and ice cream after, or a day at the park, etc. Tell her if she wants , dad can come too, but it’s up to her.
She’s comparing you to her mom and when you did it when she was young, she didn’t quite understand the pain it may have caused her mother, but now she’s older and understands now. Because it hurts her mother, it also hurts her. There are still some things she doesn’t understand and now she is probably questioning everything…
You don’t always have to say things to children for them to see that you are comparing yourself to their parent.
Have you come to the mother to ask how you can help take her to the doctor with her there? Have you tried to show that you genuinely care about the child and the condition of her mother?
Like when you had to fill in the gaps in some areas such as babysitting, did you do it grudgingly or did you try to understand her? Children watch everything.
So…
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I think you should talk to the mom yourself and get answers from the source. Then I would talk to the child on a girl’s day out or something and ask her what’s really going on. Is it jealousy or puberty. Just be open and honest. Also bring up to the mom the coparenting issues or ideas you might have to work together.
Please remember that she is probably facing some pretty difficult emotions and even if she is 10 those may be hard to regulate and discuss. She is not a monster, she is a child being raised in a broken home of two parents that clearly can’t come together to co parent. Do you think she feels hurt or afraid that she might be “replaced” by this new baby?