Tell her how shes making you feel. Shes old enough to know when shes hurting you. I’d also suggest starting a monthly tradition with her. Me and my step daughter go on girls days. Just me and her. We talk, go out to eat, spend time together and sometimes spend some money. It’s good for her to see that although I still have her sister, that I love her too and make time for just her. Also puberty is hard. Remember how you felt. My step daughter is starting to begin puberty and her attitude is changing and becoming a little less little girl and a little more I’m my own person. Mom I’m sure talks bad about you all the time. My step daughters mom does almost constantly. Roll with the punches. Just dont stop loving her and dont start feeling less for her. Deep breaths and go plan something for just the two of you when you’re free and have some extra cash.
If she treats you like a daycare- ACT like a daycare.
Do you know what daycares do when they cant control a child? They call the parents and say “come pick up your kid”
If she wont let you discipline like a parent, then she doesnt get to treat you like one. 
You CANNOT raise a child without a means of discipline.
Call her on speaker eith the kid
“Hey (the kid) isnt listening, do you want to come pick her up or do you want me to (discipline method)?”
This way
#1 it presents you as more of a team.
#2 mom has to deal with her spoiled childs antics
#3 the kid will realise that they cant run from behaving well.
This is going to be your life if you stay. Your husband obviously doesn’t care. Get out and worry about your own child. She needs a mental health dr. If mom is cancelling you don’t stand a chance.
One day you need to randomly mention to her that th3 baby thats coming is kinda her baby too. Her siblings will be her best friends and she will be their protector! Take photos of the ultrasounds and make sure she gets to see the videos. Let her go and help you pick out items. She needs to feel like she has input here! Otherwise she’s just going to feel like she’s being replaced because she isn’t enough.
I said what I said. My daughter went through this.
She can probably sense the fact that you think her mom is a “horrible person”. Even if that is true, children should never have to hear or feel anyone trashing their family. They should not be involved in family drama. Sounds like you are a great mom to her and I think the most important thing is to remain consistent in your discipline. Show her she can’t push you away, you are her family too and she may be testing limits to see if you are really willing to stay in her life like a biological parent. Don’t give up!! These are crucial years and this will pass and she will appreciate you going thru this for her. Therapy is a great idea and tool to help families in these situations. Stay strong momma!
I agree with a lot of what these ladies are saying. But I also think that maybe something like make a day of the week that is yours and your stepdaughters day and no matter what it is that you’re doing whether you’re watching movies at home and having like a slumber party or if you’re going out and having lunch and getting your nails done or going shopping or whatever the case may be set a day out of every week or every other week that is just for you 2 and make sure that no matter what you stick to that day let her know that even when the new baby comes that she will still have her day with you no matter what and Dad can take care of the baby or a babysitter perhaps can watch the baby but regardless just let her know that no matter what or how busy things are that you will always make time for her. Young girls just want to feel like they are included in a part of everything especially when there’s a new baby coming I remember going through it myself and with my kids
Her dad has tried talking to her.
Her dad has tried talking to her mother.
Have YOU tried talking to her.
Have you tried taking to her mother?
Can she sense you think of her mother, the person she comes from, is a horrible person?
If you think the person who helped create her is horrible, then what does she think you think of her?
Is she feeling resentment that her daddy is having another child with someone else and she might feel like he will now love her less?
Definitely the discipline should be left up to your husband. It is unfortunate but it works best that way, leaving you out of the equation. That will help at least that situation. Girls from the age of 10 until about 15 are vile, emotional creatures ( i have 3) and will take you down to nothing with their behavior. Not you at all. Just be there for her always, even when you dont like her and treat her with respect, even when she doesnt. There will again come a time when she hates her mom and comes back to you. Never never ever bad mouth her mother. Write it down and burn it!
Well sounds like Dad has tried talking to her. Has she started her period? Is it hormones?But you cannot ease up on the displine. Dont give in and let the inmates run the assylum so to speak. And do the counsling thing without her knowing untill your there. At 13 she should well know by now how much you love her. Teen girls suck i know i did thought i knew it all. But get Dad back on board with everything tell him your concerns about bringing a newborn home if feel this way and dont let him slack on it either. You cant help how you feel and is there a visation order with Mom? Because if shes not towing the line at home why should she get to go to her house and do as she pleases switch up the days maybe. But dont concede she will see it as a sign of weakness. And as far as her mother goes she shouldnt be involved in YOUR HOUSE at all. Best of luck but at the end of the day remind her that you love her no matter what…
No matter what continue to show unconditional love. There is a possibility the mother told her you won’t care about her once your “real” baby arrives. Prove that this is wrong…only way is time and consistency.
I wouldn’t do anything hasty. It sounds like jealousy of the new baby and being unsure of her place in the family now. Once she falls in love with her new sibling it will get better.
Just keep treating her as part of the family. discipline should be done by her dad right now and not by you. make sure you involve her in everything to do with the baby. I know it’s hard I have a stepdaughter too it was tough at first but we love each other dearly now. Be patience, I’m sure her mom is trying her hardest to make you the enemy now and is probably jealous that your have a baby. Involve her with everything to do with the baby. Good luck don’t stress out not good for your baby
Be so careful, she could hurt you and the baby
I think she is probably jealous and a bit unsure of what her role will be once the baby is here. Try including her on the baby stuff like picking out colors and toys etc. please spend time with just her and NO baby talk. That is her TIME with you or with you and your husband. Reassure her that she is always important and another baby could never replace her. Also, your husband needs to take a stand with the ex and mom. The two of you need to have a United Front. God bless you.
Sounds like she needs a nuteral person that she can confide in. Try getting her in to counsiling
Sounds like the hormones are kicking in!!! The best thing you can do is talk to her and ask her what’s bothering her… and see if you all can come to a mutual understanding
Give a cat a mouse and he will play with it, let the cat hunt the mouse and he will eat it.
I suggest counseling. How are her peers treating her? How is school life, peer life. Most behaviors are seen and then projected, to feel the outcome, let her have a voice and treat her with dignity and try to see if solutions can be achieved.
Im sure it’s been exciting and distracting at the news of a baby joining the family.Sounds as tho she’s afraid of being excluded, forgotten, replaced with the new baby. Include her. Do things with her. Reassure her that she is still, and always will be important and loved by you and her father. She needs some affection, reassurance and attention. It’s a normal reaction to have for her. Don’t worry about her biological Mom, foster a neutral attitude with that. Let it be. Work on bringing her closer to your family unit!
Running to her mom is her way of getting out of trouble. Stop worrying about being the “bad guy”. Be consistent in setting rules and be firm when the rules are broken. She needs structure… she might not like it right now, but she will thank you one day.
Thats her mother and always be. Her dad needs to handle it. You bad mouthing her mother is not okay either.
If he couldn’t do something about the situation I would consider leaving. Sad but nobody should have to take on all of that emotional baggage. Haters go ahead and unleash on me I don’t care nobody should have to play junior psychologist
I have been through this…it was a bumpy road and it did get worst b4 it got better…we ended up distancing ourselves for the kids(telling them if they don’t want to be with us we aren’t going to force them). Well guess what… they both live with us now and the mother is not in the picture. Keep your head up💜
With my oldest bonus son we would have issues everytime he went to his moms and he was around her boyfriend i finally had taken all i was gonna take ine day and told my husband what i was fixing to do i took his tv his game system all his games his dirtbike his phone literally everything but his food clothes and books alk he could do was read shower eat play outside with his brother he threw a fit called his mom i calmly told her he wasnt gonna cuss me and disprest me in my home when i go above and beyond for him she could come fet him if she wanted but he wasn TV taking his phone tv game system games or dirtbike that if she wanted to him to have those items she could go buy them herself (me my husband and my mom had bought all items i took) she never showed up that day to get him he spent 29 hours without everything until he decided he was ready to apologize and sit down with us and have a discussion on why it wasnt ok to speak to me like he had and it was not only disrespecting me but also his dad when he was out of the way towards me we havent had a problem with him since and then with my other bonus son he lost his dirtbike for cussing his great grandmother and after that we didnt have any issues with him you and your husband need to decide an appropriate action and stick with it no matter what as long as you and your husband are on the same page and he supports you then bio mom can say or do whatever she wants but eventually your bonus daugther will realize hey i can do this and suffer these consequences or i can do this and be rewarded
Find a, new fherapy place and don’t tell anyone else until you go.
Counseling. May think she’s being replaced by the new baby.
I feel like maybe she feels like you’ll love her less when you have a child of your own? I may be completely wrong here, but just seems like maybe she’s abit jealous of the new baby in your tummy & is acting out and clinging to her mother now because she feels she may lose you.
Some of y’all live in a fairytale world! And it shows big time!
Well…. Kids take things out on those safest and most trustworthy to act out with. Your having a new baby, she is ten. It kind of makes sense. She is feeling many different emotions and maybe feeling resentful about her own mom. Counseling might be a start, to help processes and hash out some things, as well as re-establishing some rules, respect, healing and boundaries. Do it now before the baby gets here, so it will alleviate and resolve things. Once the baby comes it will be more difficult for all of you.
Be honest with her, be upfront. Kids are so weird and unique and you never really know how they’re handling things with a rapidly growing brain and all these chemical and hormone changes, growth spurts I mean it’s a lot! With that being said, it might be intimidating to her that you’re pregnant and she doesn’t want to be “replaced” with the new baby or you’ll never have the time for her anymore, so she’s probably running to her mom because she feels like it’s kind of an ending to your guys’ life that you had together. Let her know although things will be different, you’ll never love her any less and you won’t love the other baby more. There’s love to go all around like it seems or that it did at one point. This has got to be so stressful though. Try to come from a compassionate place and just bluntly ask her how she’s doing or if she might have any of those feelings. And that doesn’t mean tolerate disrespect because she’s going through something but try to find a happy medium with standing your ground/having boundaries and being willing to talk to her and support her through whatever’s got her acting out.
Deleted my last comment some ppl just don’t kno how to mind their ps and qs!
Keep on keeping on and follow me around this page!
This behaviour is called ‘splitting’. Usually with a profile of a Narcissitic tendency, manipulative and usually when the child is compulsive and selfish. Please seek help. This is environmental. Child doesn’t have boundaries anymore. Be it one parent or all, this is a situation that NEEDS to be handled NOW.
Sounds like she needs to be medicated. My son is 7 and the same way. He’s medicated and diagnosed with autism. Several therapies
Probably worried you are replacing her.
She feeling scared and insecure
Family counseling would help alot
She needs a good spanking .
Ysmaila Sidik Dacula a
Her dad has tried talking to her.
Her dad has tried talking to her mother.
Have YOU tried talking to her.
Have you tried taking to her mother?
Can she sense you think of her mother, the person she comes from, is a horrible person?
If you think the person who helped create her is horrible, then what does she think you think of her?
Is she feeling resentment that her daddy is having another child with someone else and she might feel like he will now love her less?
Maybe you should do some real one on one with her and hold nothing back. Tell her the truth starting from the baby to telling an also showing her you aren’t gonna put her on the back burner like her mom did starting out. Bring up all yall good times together an tell her you miss the lexi that wanted to spend time with you. Try to have her involved in any baby stuff let her help pick out things. Make sure you let her know how much her sibling is gonna adore her. Maybe even ask her if she likes the baby names yall pick out. Always have her feel apart of yalls lives. I wouldn’t tell mom anything that goes on in your house when she’s there. Id have your husband cut contract with her mom while she’s at yallz home. So she has nobody to run to but you guys. Give boundaries an keep your foot down. And don’t let that babymomma try and ruin what you guys had cause thats what she’s doing and you are letting her in to do it. I had to deal with this with my son and when I really flipped on them an really meant NO MORE I meant it.
In a very similar boat these days. 
Why is your husband talking to her mother? Talk to the dang child and find out what’s going on! I have a feeling she realizes things are going to change once the baby arrives, and she’s looking for attention wherever she can get it. In this case, mom is happy to oblige. Talk to her! She’s human too!
She’s 10. It’s your house, your rules. You’re letting her walk over you.
Like everyone is saying . The child loves you and now mom is manipulating the daughters insecurities to finally stir the pot .
Maybe she is jealous of new baby because its almost here and will then get all of dads attention and mom is bad mouthing you all and maybe the girl needs a counselor that the mom can’t stop you from taking her too for the anger issues
10 years old…she’s dealing with a lot…loyalty to her mother (who knows what her mother has said to her), hormones, new baby (maybe displacing her in her father’s eyes=fear that he won’t love her any more). She may feel so powerless with all that’s going on, and acting out is how she has power. Love conquers all… just love her.
Maybe don’t call her your stepdaughter… Nothing made me hate my STEPMOTHER more than being called a step child. My bonus dad always just called me his daughter and I appreciated it
Without realizing it you are alienating her and the relationship will only get worse if you keep it up especially with another child on the way
Ive been thru this exact issue. Shes trying to get away w things at ur house and she thinks that if she gets her mom mad at you then she will be able to do whatever she wants at ur house. Keep ur rules going and this will pass. Ive dealt w it with all 3 of my step kids… What happens is bio mom lets them do whatever they want whenever they want and we have always had rules and boundaries in our house and they always thought well lets get mom and stepmom to argue and step mom will not make us follow the rules… Nope thats not how it works. Kids need rules and boundaries… She will be her loving you self again once she realizes that ur not changing ur rules for anyone and she will learn that and get used to it. Feel free to message me ive been dealing w it for 6 years and 3 step kids all ages from 5 to 13.
Reschedule a therapy session when yall have your daughter. The mother cant cancel appointments on yalls time and she obviously has no interest in making things right. So make it you, your husband and your daughter. Assure your daughter that your AND her dads love will not change when the new baby comes and she will have a very important role in yalls family as a big sister. Give her some extra love and attention for assurance every day so she knows yall are not going anywhere no matter what her mother says.
Try taking her out of the environment. I know she’s acting out but maybe there’s a deeper reason? Take her out to do something she may really want to do, just the two of you. Create an experience for the two of you and during it try to open up to her and talk to her and then ask her how she’s feeling. Make sure you’re creating a safe place for her to feel like she can talk to you and not feel judged
Have her go live with her mother.
I would say stick with it. She’ll respect the rules you put in place when she’s older. Maybe plan a day date with the stepdaughter. Help to make her still feel special in your eyes. Try talking to her one on one about what’s going on. But don’t go in being accusatory- go in being understanding and caring. If you start accusing she’ll get defensive or shut down. And I would say counseling. Even if you don’t go right away.
I really applaud you for getting counselling… However l would be making her go with.you both when she is with you so that the ex wife can’t cancel… She has issues and is obviously insecure and yes this has happened to me and its truly horrible. My stepdaughter was older but still its no easier. Its a frustrating journey but honestly make your partner step up to the plate, otherwise she will resent you more… Goodluck.
Your home, your rules. Step parents should be able to enforce them as well, stop letting these children walk all over you!
Shes entering preteen years which isnt even there yet…its closer to 12…but its just because shes feeling left out and or pushed aside…from however she feels about her mom and then your having a new baby…and dads usually cant fix it…its the mother’s job to do girl talks in a way that she understands…good luck and dont act scared…u r the adult.
Take the phone away. It’s ur house, ur rules. Don’t like a 10 yr old run ur house or ur life… cut it out b4 the baby comes. If the child don’t get better offer counseling and if she dont go… CUT HER OFF completely
Well she is ten years old. She may be hitting the puberty mark soon. So her emotions may be all over the place. If u have been in her life this long I would say u have every right to punish her. My husband has been in my daughters life since she was four months old. She is now going on six. She calls him dad. But she hardly knows her bio dad. He lives in Florida we live in nj. Maybe she feels that this baby will replace her. Although I know that’s not happening or what u intend but she may feel a certain way. The mother could also be putting stuff into her head saying that’s not her sibling. And means nothing to her. I could honestly see a spiteful parent doing that. U need to set boundaries with the other mother. If u are taking care of step daughter 24/7 then the mother should have no say. And if the mother is getting mad about u taking HER DAUGHTER, to the doctor then her priorities are screwed up! Ur doing basic motherly instincts. Ur doing HER JOB! U are not a babysitter. U are a mother. Set boundaries and tell the mother that it’s ur house and u will discipline as u see fit for the child. And if she doesn’t like then maybe she should have custody of the daughter. She will never do it. Trust me. And the daughter needs to u see stand that in ur home u are the boss. Ur not doing these things to be mean. Ur doing them so she can grow up learning respect, and taking responsibility for her actions. Because that’s how little and big people should act.
If she can’t respect u in your house she needs to go to her mothers house…
I have a 12 year old stepdaughter. It is not my job to discipline her and we are going on 3 years knowing each other. If I do see something that she’s doing out of line, I go to my fiancé and let him know. He always has my back and follows up with disciplining her. Her mother isn’t crazy about me and has said some pretty crazy things about me. But all in all, we all have a mutual respect for each other, ONLY because the 3 of us, her, me and my fiancé, met up at a diner, and had a nice long talk about our relationship and coparenting. Now I see her every Sunday at football games, and it’s like nothing ever happened. Just remember, your partner should be the one letting his ex know not to disrespect you and should also have full control of his daughter.
Sounds like to me she might be a little jealous of the new baby. You and her father sit down and reassure her you still love her.
She definitely needs therapy and to talk to someone away from you and her mother to find out whats going on id book her a appointment and dont tell her mum till after the kid need support and her mum dosent want her to get it cause shes being petty
You stand ur ground n continue doing what u were doing. Seem like to the step-daughter is being brainwash by the mother. Just keep in mind its not the daughter faults. Talk with ur hubby again about the situation n see if the both of you and come up with a solution. Does the child live with u full time?
Have the dad make therapy appointments for her and don’t tell the mom. She’ll find out from the daughter anyway. Have dad tell therapist that the mom CANNOT cancel (not sure if this will hold, but you can try). Also ask the school counselor to talk to her.
Poor thing is probably grilled at home relentlessly until she can come up with negative stuff about you even if it’s not true. Saw this happen with a friend’s stepdaughter. So sad.
Get counseling yourself with hubs to learn the best ways of dealing with vindictive a-hole mom. As counterintuitive as it seems, do what you can to boost the mom’s self esteem. If she feels better about herself she won’t feel as compelled to drag you down to make herself feel better. Reassure mom you are not trying to replace her. Must be tough when your kid loves her stepmom more than you.
Do something special with your stepdaughter. Maybe make a “baby book” for her to keep at your house, with milestones, notes, photos, even a lock of her hair. You can start it from birth or when you first came into her life. Leave space for all the wonderful memories to come as you reassure her she will always be a huge part of your life.
Explain that you don’t get rid of one toy because you get a different new toy, just like she didn’t get rid of her mom when she got a stepmom. Let her know she will be just as loved when the new baby arrives, and in fact will have a whole new person to love her!
Any kind of exercise is good for her. Maybe you all go to the pool. You can enjoy the buoyancy and she can swim and splash to thrash out her emotions and get tired so she sleeps well. Also see if you can set up play dates with her friends, now that quarantine is easing. Expose her to different families so she can be more objective. You can explain that her mom has problems/is sick, so she knows nothing is her fault, but to understand that mom’s demons make her act the way she does.
Good luck and congratulations on your new baby.
10 years old…yeah…the change a lot that age. Mine change to someone I don’t know anymore. Wait until she got her periode, then she would be a lot nicer. It is just hormonal things. Don’t overthinking about it.
Why does a 10 yr old even have a phone? That’s the first problem.
It’s your house it’s your rules if she doesn’t like it she doesn’t come over.
Don’t back down
She probably feels threatened by the new baby. Like she’s being replaced. Then you have the mom who hates you and is probably helping in putting those thoughts in her head. Get
Her into some therapy. She needs someone to talk to who isn’t a parent. (Her parent)
Let her cry to her mom oh well
If she is in your house she should respect you but your not her mom so you shouldn’t be punishing her about anything that’s the dads job, I wouldn’t want anyone disciplining my kid that isn’t me or his dad
It all sounds normal. But therapy never hurts.
It’s because of the new baby for sure. Try involving her stuff. She probably feels like you’re not going to give her any attention when the baby is born. My daughter is 1p as well and I had twins last August. She was ecstatic, but 1 of her friends told her she wasn’t ever going to get attention from us again. (Her Dad passed away a couple years ago, so different Dad) She knows 2 babies are hard on us but I try so hard to still have some 1 on 1 time with her when I can. Hormones are real and I’m sure hers are kicking in. Talk to her. The counceling I feel should be left to her mom and dad, as much as it hurts not to go. The kid needs it, do it for her!
I’m a stepmom…she’s afraid you won’t love her as much when you have your OWN baby with her dad. It’s normal…I’m sure birth mom is not helping things at all. Stay strong, love her, and YES you should be at all things (appts, school, etc…) as her supportive bonus mom. Deep breaths and prayers will guide you.
I see a combination of pre teen girl puberty and a controlling jealous birth mom. Just try to be understanding of your step daughter, include her in activities, show her love. Actions speak louder than words. Just be yourself. Don’t give in but don’t give up.
I would talk about all the things you, her, and the baby could do together after the baby is born. All the things she can help with (if she wants too). Tell her you think she’s going to be a wonderful big sister. Maybe let her help you pick some stuff out or help get some stuff ready for the baby. She could be feeling really insecure about her place in your life with the new baby coming.
She may be feeling like she’s getting “replaced” by the new baby which she may have expressed to her mom in some way. Now mom is trying to take full advantage and “win” her daughter back from you somehow. Which is KIND OF understandable but still sucks because healthy coparenting is honestly a beautiful thing. Its time to have a heart to heart with her about how she isn’t going to be replaced and how your love for her won’t change now that the new baby is coming. Then after that make it A POINT to show her love. Take her out for one on one time like grabbing some ice cream. Let it be known to her that she’s still important to you no matter how big of a stink she’s being. What I’ve learned and its a hard truth, kids behave more “badly” towards the person they put the most trust to be themselves with (that’s why you see a lot of babies throwing tantrums with mom more than dad). So her acting out this way could be a way of her (unknowingly) testing you to see if you’ll still love her the same.
#puberty dad, mom, and daughter maybe need to start some family therapy without you present. Dad should be the one bringing up the issues about she treats you and the coparenting issues between them. The therapist will suggest involving you when and if the time is right. All of you need to work hard on establishing boundaries as the adults and come together on how the child should be raised but obviously you have no choice but to go along with what your husband and the mother decide as you are not the bio mom. The child will behave better if she sees the adults putting up a united front on boundaries and enforcement. You need to do your best to be loving and supportive but you really are not a primary decision maker or disciplinarian.
Her dad should take her to therapy! Take the high road and don’t get involved in the drama her mom is creating! She will grow up eventually and love you for being the reasonable one!
It seems like the stepmom is turning her against you, especially if she’s bad nothing you in front of her. Me personally wouldn’t go to the therapy session, bc they may get more out of her if you’re not there. I disagree with not playing a parental and just trying to be her friend though. If she coming over and being disrespectful, trying to be her friend isn’t going to help, she has to know there are boundaries. You can be friendly towards her, but parents aren’t a child’s friend…we love them yes. But we’re not one of their little besties, try to create a balance between the two. As far as the baby she could be resenting that she will no longer be her dads only child, that’s a hard pill to swallow for some children…especially if they’re used to being the center of attention. I went through this with my exes kids and they just wanted their parents back together.
It sucks sour lemons being 10, parents divorced, problems between the two moms, dad not taking a stand, a new baby coming in to shake up your world, and like i said being 10! I have been on both sides of that situation. I bet when this new sibling comes she will love him/her. Right now she needs you and your husband to show her a little more love and make her a part of this experience. Let her go to your doctor appointments with you, let her pick out some things.
There’s a psychological developmental stage in adolescent life when the child either a boy or a girl becomes possessive of the opposite sex parent so for her it would be her dad , and they have to overcome that challenge by relating to the mom. Since her mom is not with her dad it would only make sense that she would relate you to that position. So it’s not unnerving to hear that a child about to go through puberty is exhibiting these type of emotions and actions. Most important thing is understanding, love and logic, along time with dad and alone time with you.
My stepdaughter and I did not jive well for about the first 5 years. keep showing up, keep being the parent. Don’t let her run you over. Her mother is probably telling her things, but also she is facing a major life change with a baby coming on her turf. Talk to her and tell her that she is just as important as the new baby. Kids lash out when they don’t know how to handle situations. Unfortunately no matter how terrible of a person a child’s mother is, they will love her and want to believe she is who they need her to be. Set the boundaries and continue the punishments when she breaks them. Her mother has no say on what goes on at your house just like y’all don’t have a say on what goes on in hers. I have been through all of this. If you keep being persistent and showing her you’re the boss and that you love her and are not going anywhere things will eventually change. And she will see that her mother isn’t who she thought she was.
As for your baby, encourage her to be the big sister. Speak positive about her getting to help and be the example for her baby. I wouldn’t leave the baby unattended with her if you’re afraid, hopefully she will fall in love with the baby and there won’t be anything to worry about.
Your ‘daughter’ has a lot on her plate. Don’t take it personal but I understand that’ll be difficult as you’re pregnant.
Hmm to me it sounds like a few different things together. She is definitely at the age where hormones are probably changing along with the fact of you punishing her in situations sense she is getting older the effects of her reactions/thoughts are changing about it. I don’t know if I do completely agree about the pregnancy being a big cause for her behavior towards you changing though, if anything ya she could feel a little jealous but if she was excited to begin with then I don’t believe it has much to do with it. The closer she gets with her mom, if she is bad mouthing you to her, then yes I can see where her feelings or thoughts about you are being influenced in a more negative way. BUT if the relationship you have had with her, the time you have had sense meeting, was good/strong then it wouldn’t be so easy for her feelings to go so sour. Maybe you thought the relationship with her was great before but maybe she trully didn’t. Or at least wasn’t emotionally strong anyways. There could be a few other reasons but if I were you, I would just take a little bit to think things over & then make a good time where you can talk to her about things & your feelings in an open, positive way so she doesn’t take it in another way negatively. Show care & genuine love as you express things & maybe she will be able to open up comfortably too. If she does, don’t invalidate her feelings but take them into consideration & handle with care.
It’s jealousy, it’ll pass. My fiancé’s kid don’t talk to me and we been together 8 yrs and I just got used to it
Reading through the comments, I noticed one about therapy stating you should not attend as it is for the parents. As a social worker, who albeit does not work with children, I have a few questions: who does the child live with? If it is your bf and you, he is legally the responsible party and has to be with his daughter (dtr). You can be invited by him as part of the family sessions and even by her when the time is right and the therapist agrees…the counseling is for the dtr, but you are “the issue.”
Next question: how much involvement was there with mom before the pregnancy and has it increased since? If so, then I agree that mom is trying to split the factions so she can be seen as the better one for her own reasons…again, please get dtr in therapy! At her age and with whatever poison mom is dripping, she needs outside help to guide her safety through.
Last question: how much is she involved in things having to do with the new baby? Are you able to let her “decorate” the baby’s room, ie. Paint colors, linens, a theme if you will? Even wall art…have her help you create something personal from her even if you are not crafty! Dollar General sells all kinds of craft supplies and she can pick things out. Even if she is not interested and makes something totally awful out of spite, put it up, tell her you and dad love it and the new baby will as well because dtr loved ‘it’ so much she created art. This is not to shame her, but to teach her that she is included, tantrums and all. Good luck to all of you from Ohio.
Breathe mama this will pass. Sounds like a lot of changes are happening in the household. Her entering her teen years, and then welcoming a new baby. She may just feel like you won’t love her as much as the baby and she will be replaced. Try taking her out for lunch or ice cream and talk to her about it… tell her you will still have girls days just you and her when baby comes help her feel included and involved in helping. My daughter does that same thing to her step mom. She’s nearly 14… she was a little jealous and upset when her brother was born there is 8 years between them. It gets better 
deep breaths!
Take the phone away from her.
Sounds like the dad needs to whoop some ass instead of making you do it.
If dad takes her to therapy on his time mom cant say anything if she was included she has the choice not to go but i dont think she can legally cancel your appointments.
Sounds like a pre-teen girl.
Kids are assholes and this is the “me” generation for sure! Jealous bio moms don’t help the situation. Good luck I feel your pain! Sounds like every other weekend of my life! You can only hope they grow out of it!
Stop trying to “Punish” her, or take away her phone etc. Let her Dad do it. This is normal preteen behavior and you are playing into it by getting offended. I would just step out and tell her dad to deal with her.
Counseling. Anger can be an early sign of struggles, so counseling could be beneficial for her and everyone she interacts with.
If you exhaust all efforts and nothing works, then the only other options would be to send her to live with her mother, leave your husband, or sadly just deal with it.
Scared, insecure, and God knows what she’s being told if her mother is that nasty. Sit her down, both of you, and explain that it has to stop, end of story, involve her in the pregnancy if you can, maybe go to a scan with you. Could she be an honorary godmother when the time comes? She’s probably just feeling a bit put out, maybe something else is going on in school, at home. Get her talking, counselling, talk to the school and involve them, school are great these days. Best of luck x
If all else fails get the rod out