From what I’ve seen with my friends, they live with the main parent. Go to school there, etc. Then on summer breaks theyll go visit the other parent.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like I need to move, but how would that work with custody of my daughter?
You need to talk to an attorney.
That’s going to be rough. I don’t think dad will be ok with that. Hopefully all works out for you
Why would you do that to her dad? You need to be fair and keep him close and in your daughters life
It’ll need to be approved by a judge first before you can move so I would seek out advice from an attorney
Since you’re the one moving he may get physical custody meaning she goes to school where he lives.
My ex and I live in different states. We meet half way. We do 50/50. He’s choosing to move closer to me when our daughter starts school
I currently have my daughter full time for the school year due to my town having better schools and me having more time and flexibility on my schedule. Her father comes down every other weekend to spend the weekend and then he will get her for breaks but we still share major holidays. Then when schools out he will get her as long as I can have her for a week to take her camping and all that. He lives 5 hours away which is not as big of difference at 10 but it can work out if you have a good relationship with their father!
Talk to your ex about how you feel. You may find he has considered moving but hasn’t brought it up either. At least you will know where he stands on the issue which will allow you to make a more informed choice.
I had a similar dilemma so we did 2 week rotations and I did all the driving, it was my choice after all. I suggest talking with him about it first and see if you two can figure something out. Maybe compromise with location and he’ll be happy to move too? You never know. Best of luck.
Check your papers. Mine said I could move wherever I wanted to. I only had to give 30 days notice.
My son is 14 now, his dad lives in Florida. Back when he was 10 we started doing school year with me and his dad for the summer. That’s what worked best for us.
You need a parenting plan if you don’t have one now. Get an attorney if you don’t.
2 weeks on 2 weeks off for a 10 hr drive meet half way
I don’t know what state you’re in but I’d check that out through your local family court prior to making a move. I had a friend do exactly that and the court ordered that since she is the one that moved, she is responsible for the cost of transportation for the child to be transported both ways, which in her case was by plane, to see her dad every other weekend. Also because the child was too young to fly alone, she was also ordered to hire a chaperone for the child to accompany her on the plane back and forth. Needless to say this was so expensive for my friend she had no choice but to move back within a couple of months. She had a new great job and a new house that she had to give up because she didn’t do her homework before making that move. He wouldn’t budge on it either
I moved from Illinois to Tennessee with our 7 year old. I have full decision making though and he got every other weekend visits. I had to get him to agree and he did. Basically he would go longer stretches without seeing him but get more consistent time. He gets the entire month of July and either Cbristmas break or spring break and when we go back to visit family. He gets an overnight. We moved to escape family who was harassing us and because my husband was offered a job Making more money… if her dad won’t agree, you would need to go to court, but you need a good reason like better schooling, more income… if you say you’re just bored, a judge will deny it
You need to do what is best for your daughter. Not what is best for you.
Your daughters best interest is more important than what you want. Sorry.
I moved out of state. But I had to serve my ex with paperwork notifying him of my intent. Then he had to take me to court to fight me on it. I ended up winning that battle. So heads up. It’s a long drawn out process.
You’re not being selfish. You’re trying to find where you fit in & where you can grow. That’s not selfish. Your daughter deserves a mom who can grow & have more opportunity. I moved with my children. It was the best thing I’ve ever done for all of us. Our situation was different though. If your custody is legal custody & he’s actively participating in parenting you will need his permission to move. A judge won’t override him. Talk to him. He could be feeling the same way.
If you want to move, then YOU move. Taking your child away from her active father, is not what’s best for her.
Judges do not take kindly to uprooting your child and taking them so far away that their other parent becomes a stranger.
Talk to dad about it. Who knows he might be willing to move towns too!
In the event he isn’t though. Long distance parenting is hard. I’m 5 hours from my children, and that’s if I don’t stop for gas and the bathroom. Calling over the phone doesn’t feel like it’s enough, and with covid going on it makes traveling more worrisome. When covid isn’t around I try to come down as often as I can.
Other parents have a system where one parent gets all the kids vacation time. It just depends on ya’lls money situation, schedule, and comfort levels honestly. You guys have to talk about what would work best for you. DO NOT let him guilt you into staying though. It can all be figured out, don’t let him discourage you.
All y’all talking about what’s best for the kid. Happy parents is best for the kid. You can make it work. You don’t have to move 10 hours away. You don’t have to make it so the child barely knows the parents. People make it work all the time. Y’all are just judgey Karens.
My divorce decree would not allow me to move more then 50 miles away. Better have a real good reason to move to avoid losing custody.
Depending the state you are currently living in you would not be allowed to relocate unless you have an approved court order. You would have to petition the court for relocation, have your ex husband served, he would file a response. You would have to prove that you are stable in the other state and have support, child care, a job, a place to live, etc. And even then if the judge finds that it is in the best interest of the child for you to stay in your state you cannot move.
(I am a paralegal for a fam law firm)
The judge wants a good reason or it will be denied second dad could gain custody you would only get visitation
You need to take your kid with u and get the dad to agree if that’s how it is going to be but Yes it’s too much for her . Hope u find your something in your daughter and not in another town 10 hours away !
If he’s an active father it prob won’t work… court will prob just laugh and tell you to suck it up. Or if they do approve your move, you’ll prob have to be the one put forth the 10 hour commute for drop off / pick up. Every time. Try something closer and less drastic. Unfortunately, yeah. You’re being a bit selfish
I live in FL my two kids dad Ives in Michigan we been doing this for three years he gets them summer vacation n we switch back n forth on holidays…but we don’t have 50/50 custody I have custody we’ve agreed on these terms on our own
You do you. If you have a court order though you must provide where you’re moving and a request to do so.
I feel if you move you drive or give up custody
If he has any custody set up through the court and you move with your daughter over state lines without going through the courts again you can get in big trouble
I think you need to talk to the father. If he is a good dad, taking her away from him isn’t fair for her. Taking her 10 hours away and making him pay to drive/fly there or meet halfway isn’t fair. It’s be different if you NEEDED to move, but taking your kid away from their other parent because you’ve got a case of wanderlust is selfish. I know people will say you deserve to be happy too, and I agree! Moving isn’t a happy pill though. I would at least exhaust every option you have there first. Change jobs, move across town, even move 30-60 minutes away. There are so many ways to change your life that doesn’t screw over your kid, and intentional or not, that’s what you would be doing.
I hope your ok…I know what it feels like to want to run away.
you don’t say how long you’ve been in this situation, if you haven’t allready I would give yourself some time, lots of time and speak to some friends about how you feel… Or the doctor…
You’l know what the right thing to do is when the right time comes, just don’t do anything until you’ve thought it through about a million times x
You will have to go through mediation, and might as well hire an attorney if you want it done right, court will also be involved if you can’t make decision in mediation about who gets custody during school year and who gets weekends and school breaks and what not.
U need to do whats best for u and ur family. U can’t take care of her if u don’t take care of u. Moving is a tough choice to make and will call for some hard decisions but life happens and sometimes moving is for the best. Communicate with her father and come up with a plan no matter how tough it will be. Make a new parenting plan. She will adjust. That’s life with separated parents. If u two are in agreement on a parenting plan then a judge won’t object to it and will just sign off on it without having to go to court. It’ll be hard but it sounds like it’s what’s best for u. I had to do the same thing.
My niece has two children and she lives in North Carolina and so does the children’s father she chose to move to Tennessee they agreed upon it but what they do is they meet halfway they share parenting she’s 6 hours away and the kids are used to stay in one week with him and one week with her they’re home school so when they’re with their dad they do their homeschooling when they’re with their mom the same they have arrangements every other Friday they meet halfway to switch out when she’s over in North Carolina visiting because she has other children that are adults and children the children stay with their dad but when she’s in Tennessee they do the meet and greet there has to be compromise on both parts and what’s in the best interest for the child her two children that still have visitation are 13 and 10 so they’re not little that sounds like your daughter is kid Pre-K she’s still very young to uproot and if you have a good relationship and good report with the father I’d be careful to not mess it up
I would speak to a lawyer and do everything legally. Some states you can move however you can not move with your kids without other parents permission it can be considered kidnapping
I moved with my son from Missouri to Pennsylvania… It worked, just extra errands for school and doctors once we got settled
Depends. Is the 50/50 court ordered? If so you would have to go through the courts and show reason to move. Were you married to the father? If not then you dont have to ask the father what he thinks and just move. But it’s good that you want to figure out your 50/50 and that you even have a guy that is willing to do 50/ 50 at all. Probably a month to month type situation or. Summer and holiday. I knew a girl who would spend half the year with one parent and half a year with the other.
I agree, you would prolly have to have it approved. Usually, when that does happen, you then have custody for school months. They then go to the other parents for holiday weeks off and Summers. Not sure how old your child is, but it’s something I’d also talk to them about first. If they are of an understanding age.
Ask yourself some questions. Do you have a job where you are now? What opportunities are there for you where you want to move to? Would you be closer to your family If you moved? I moved when my daughter was 7 across the country and I had to get my ex’s written and notarized statement okaying it.
10 hour’s is too far away
You’ll need to go to court for a “long distance” parenting plan. And check your parenting plan as it most likely states you can’t leave the state without the courts approval. State the reasons why you “need” to move But have all your ducks in a row for the move (a job set up, housing, what schools the child may attend and have proof as to why this move would be beneficial for both you and your child)
Do what’s best for the chiid
I think it she has a active and involved dad. To move away (10+) is selfish.
How would you feel if the roles were reversed. I would be devastated
Should have been stated in the divorce decree in you live beyond 50 miles.
I have physical custody but share joint conservator rights. He gets her every spring break, summer, fathers day, and every other holiday every other year. I stated in the divorce decree that he pays to get her where ever she’s at. Ie: Alaska, Georgia, Texas. So it up to him to make it happen.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like I need to move, but how would that work with custody of my daughter?
I think whatever’s in the best interest of the child. It might not have worked out with yourself and her dad but I don’t think it’s fair that she’s the one who needs to travel back and forth. I would stick it out until she’s older but that’s just me.
You would need to get the courts permission to move states with your daughter it would be easy if the father is ok with it but if he’s not than you gotta prove that moving will benefit you and your child more than staying like a new job that pays more better schools stuff like that.Usually it would be you have her during school year and her father 6 weeks during the summer and any holidays she has no school.Like Christmas you could switch off every other year…Best thing is talk to her father see if he will be on board about and make a parenting plan.File with the courts and go.If he doesn’t agree it can be declined by the judge so you will need good reasons of why your moving and what benefits will it have for you and your child
I suggest you consult with an attorney. I know of couples that live in different states and have worked out the visitations.
Unless your child’s father is willing to relocate too, what you’re doing is extremely selfish.
My husbands ex moved an hour away, uprooted my step daughter away from her family and put a wrench in it all. Causing my step daughter to feel uneasy while giving her anxiety as a young child.
Doing something like this to your child, is not in the child’s best interest unless the father wants to move (which is doubtful). This will give your child anxiety and they will never feel stable. Please do not do this.
Unfortunately, since you have a child and shared custody—it’s not about you anymore. Children need both parents, especially if he’s a good father. Put your child first in this scenario and move when she’s 18.
You would have to get approval through court that I’m aware of and a different set visitation.
This is definitely something to get into court so that it is written down and enforceable.
Is it doable? Yes but you two are going to have to agree on a change in visitation if you plan on being 10 hours away from the other parent. And it’s absolutely something to revisit periodically.
It is not selfish to be unhappy living somewhere you aren’t comfortable. I’m sure it would be hard on the child, especially because she’s young and wouldn’t understand why things are changing. If the dad isn’t okay with it, which I’m sure he won’t be since changing every three days would be impossible, you’ll have to fight it in court to see if a judge will grant you the ability.
It’s a lot of work and a long process. Courts to get approved then figure out a school here or there. Visitation would be waaaay different. More like one gets whole summer and and holidays off of school while other has the child all of school days.
Find out first what you can do legally…talk with the father and see how he feels .make up your mind what’s best for the child
Ask a child that went through this… It effing blows. Like bad real bad.
Have to go to court. Father has to approve. Most courts won’t let the other parent move within 50 miles
You have to go to court if there’s already an agreement and a judge has to agree.
Yeah, if you have joint custody, you can’t just make the decision to move that far. You have to go through the court system and get it approved and that doesn’t always happen.
You can’t go anywhere without a court order.
Do not do it. Put your child first. She needs both parents as much as she can get you. It would be grossly unfair to her if you move so far away. Move to a nearby town not ten hours.
Who has physical placement? Court ordered. I have physical placement of my son so he lives with me. So I can move out of state.
I have a family member that moved to a different state with her child. She went to court and they granted her permission to move. Dad gets child Xmas break, spring break and the whole summer. It works for them
I dont think its fair to the child or father. Your baby needs Dad, and not just during the summer and Christmas break.
If your daughter was in the same situation what would you encourage her to do?
What’s 10+ hours away that you can move closer. That’s selfish af to move that far cause your child is gonna be extremely limit in seeing one parent. Who is trying to drive 20+ hours to visit with a child then do it again to bring them back
Do it! Do the move! Your daughter is young enough, and will grow up having seen and experienced more, plus seeing her mom happier! #beentheredonethat🙋♀️ I live 8 hours away from baby daddy, and so the courts will likely put a schedule in place for holidays (every other etc) sooo many families have the other parent in another state, as yes life goes on. Don’t guilt trip yourself! Say yes to new beginnings!
Gonna be hard driving 10 hrs one way every 3 days to drop off the child. I hope you don’t mean you’re going to take the child and give her dad less time, then yes, you’re selfish
Selfish. I’m sure there are other places to move that are closer. Maybe look. 2-3 hours away? But so many children grow up fatherless because they don’t want to be fathers. You’re very lucky he does. It will be unfair to all. If you want to move 10 hours away, do so, by yourself and leave her with dad and you can get holidays and school breaks. Seem crazy? Yeah thought so…
I think that would be impossible, and he has to give his permission to let the child move with you.
How would you feel if it was the other way around? What if he wanted to move 10+ hours away with the baby ?? You had a baby so now you have to put them first. If you need to move to be happy that’s fine but 10 hours is excessive and selfish when you have a man that wants to be a father. He deserves to be around his child as much as you do.
Most courts would want a good reason on why you want to move out of state. Yes it is selfish to leave state when her father is active. Move somewhere in the state. You need court permission to move out of state. Your ex will probably fight you on it however talk to him. Maybe give him custody and you take summer and holidays. Also look into treatment for yourself. Sounds like u have depression.
I have my son for the school year my ex has summers and 2 holidays a year. But I got in my divorce and custody papers that I can move as long as my ex husband has more than a weeks notice. I live 18 hours away now and things have been okay.
If you want to move then let your daughter live with her dad. You chose to move, why does he have to suffer the consequences? The parent choosing to leave the current situation should be the parent choosing to give up their time. You don’t get to randomly decide to move and take your daughter away from everything she knows and a father who’s active and loves her. Also should be noted that if you have a custom order and choose to move from a working situation you usually have to provide a genuine reason.
You can move and let her stay with her dad if you’re worried. If you don’t want to be away from your baby that long, stay. 50/50 doesn’t mean she moves with you. The court could let her stay where she’s familiar and settled.
I had shared custody. I had a 90 mile radius to move written in my papers (by the court-not ours). If I’m not mistaken, your child cannot attend 2 schools at the same time.
The time to be selfish was BEFORE having a child with someone you don’t live with…child is priority now
I have 4 kids with someone and I live 4 hours away. I have 3 with me full time. And my oldest is with his dad.
Dont know where you are at but in Pennsylvania one parent cannot move away, especially to another state without permission of the other parent.
I don’t think moving close (within 2 to 3 hours max) is selfish but that distance is 100% not fair on your child or ex. Especially with your current custody arrangement. He’s clearly a loving caring father who wants to be in the child’s life… and I agree with some of the others if you are set on moving that far away give him full custody. If you couldn’t go without your child just imagine he’d feel the same.
You should’ve thought that out thoroughly
before deciding to bring new humans into the world -and then spilt up!
So now that she is here, you have to accommodate her. She needs both parents.
Give up your rights and move , or forever hold your peace.
They took me to court I lost
You could potentially loss your custody if you move that far away
10hrs away is too far in my opinion, it will stop visits from being able to happen as often and will be a lot on your daughter having to do all that travel all the time. I understand wanting to better yourself but it seems a little extreme to move that far especially considering she has a great Dad that loves her and spends time with her. 2 hrs max is the distance I would say but I personally wouldn’t do more than an hour that way everyone’s lives can remain happy and healthy
Pillow covers. When you know she’s on her way, remove for her visit
Let the kiddo stay with Dad and you move. She shouldn’t have to miss out on time with her daddy because YOU are having a quarter/mid life crisis. What I’m hearing is that there is a guy in another state that you met on the internet and you want to move to be closer. Honestly though whether it’s the life crisis or the other guy it’s just selfish all around. When you become a parent your kid is #1 and it doesn’t sound like you know that
You should’ve just did it the fact you have a child with that man doesn’t mean you should sell yourself short, if you are getting better job opportunities he needs to understand that especially if you have a child to support, it will also help you if you live in a mom state which most are and they usually side with mom anyway
I can tell you right now unless he agrees and you go back and get visitation and child support you can’t move. My son has 50/50 custody and stopped his ex from moving, because he would loose his 50/50 custody and have to pay child support.
Lol my baby daddy doesn’t want me to move my daughter 2 hours away
Talk to dad about it. Maybe he wants out too. Maybe he would want more for the kid so y’all could agree on an state. Maybe he would take her full time. Lots of choices. Communication will help you make the best decision.
I have 50/50 custody her dad moved to Mississippi. We meet in Florida. It’s halfway. And we switch off weekly on Saturdays at noon
My ex and I split 50/50 and I don’t want to live where I do but I’d never even consider trying to take them away from their dad. When they both graduate high school I can move where I please, but until then their needs come first.
You can move and get her on weekends or every other weekend.
Do all the driving
My bf has 50/50 and moved states. However I believe if I remember correctly anything farther than 5hours away is considered grounds for their mother being able to take full custody. Being he loves his kids and wants to be there we were able to find somewhere 1.5hrs away. And it is still very refreshing. 10hours away is not needed to feel like you have a new change of scenery. However, his ex stayed put. So the court gave HER primary placement of the kids so that they could continue living in the community they were used to and comfortable in. Same school, friends, etc. He now gets them every weekend instead of every other week. And in the summer we can have them anywhere from a week to a month at a time. If you want to move, be prepared to give up the right to have your baby 50/50 even if the custody itself does not change. The courts will side with the parent who is keeping the child in the more stable environment good luck!
You have a really good chance of losing custody if you do something like that. Most states and judges will not let you move unless there’s a really good reason and you might still lose custody. Does your family live in this other state or is there a really good job?
To me that is switching too often you’re still making contact with your ex and that’s not good you should work out say every six weeks or every three weeks something besides every three days good luck in the future court usually don’t aloud one of the parents to move out of state unless it’s emergency i’m sure that child is very confused good luck in the future prayers