See this is the shit that gives single moms a bad name and you should be ashamed of yourself, I’m sure you saw the signs that he didnt enjoy your children well before you had one with him, the fact he tried to get you to give up some of your custody for weekend visits is absolutely disgusting and the fact you didnt end it there is beyond me, your older children with grow up feeling his resentment and it will only get worse the older they get. Be a mother and pick your children first, it doesnt matter how good he treats you when he treats your children as they are irrelevant, it shouldnt matter, the fact he makes no effort to build a relationship with them but is still allowed to discipline them is bordering emotional abuse in my opinion, no wonder behavioral issues are starting, your child feels unwanted and you are allowing it
The things that he is saying is NOT okay… “joking” or not. If my boyfriend said anything like that about my daughter I’d tell him to kick rocks. No matter how much I love my boyfriend, my daughter always comes first.
Dam you shouldn’t have had a baby with him if he can’t love your kids he is not a good one.
Umm bye bye to him … pretty easy …
He knew you had kids when y’all started dating. A package deal. This behavior is not normal at all.
I think he needs to know that your relationship is important too.
Blended families are complicated.
Also he may feel too much stress with your older son disrespect and it just get more difficult so he’s trying to protect the peace and offered up idea to just have them over the weekends.
Of course that would cause u pay child support if u only have them for weekends.
I don’t think you should change the schedule although if it was to the point of the older kids calling the cops on you to get you in trouble and lying and manipulating and playing victim to their dad about you and getting dhs involved blaming u that causes huge consequences and the two fighting so much that u and ur husband can’t get one min of peace then maybe you may need to consider for the future of your family.
We are experiencing this and let me tell you it’s extremely stressful and difficult also constant bickering and we spend all our energy fixing their messes huge consequence messes and their dad is very vengeful. Has plotted against causing loads of attorney fees and losing kids also learned to be hoarders from their dad and bring that behavior back here at our house. So yeah… I would say switching to only weekends at this point is best!
It’s normal to annoyed. Especially if you both don’t even have a lil time away.
Keep a consistent early bedtime fir the kids.
As for not spending time with your kids…try to create bonding moments. They may be some resentment Becuz he wished he gave you those kids and wasted time but you are here now. Go do scavenger hunts and team building exercises and beach trips. Sports or playing video games. Chose something you husband likes to do. And then add the kids to that activity.
I don’t recommend going camping as we just did this and baby was not comfortable.
Overall Balance the time.
It’s always hard to have any kids around, even your own. So imagine someone else’s. Be patient. Be the loving parent. As long as he isn’t mean to them or you I wouldn’t push it on him. I know dad’s who hate having their own kids around.
Is this new behavior? Because I couldn’t imagine having a child with someone that acted this way towards my other children
I know sometimes stepparents can not feel as bonded to their bonus kids cause of them not being biologically related but imo that’s the most that it should be.
I am/was in a similar situation with my BD, and his current GF. There was a triangle situation, however that was years ago and his GF is the most hands on, supportive and loving, future bonus mom to our daughter. My boyfriend also does not treat my daughter in any negative way. Period. I wouldn’t be happy or even remotely okay about your boyfriends treatment either, if I were you. Time to have a serious conversation about where you and him stand.
If iever felt that vibe from my boyfriend he would be gone quicker than I blink!!!
Why would you allow that behavior towards your children and then have a baby with that same person? Your children come first this should’ve been a red flag to you as soon as you saw how he treats them smh
You are choosing you loser bf over the well being of your children. You should had dropped him like a hot potato when he said let you ex have them most of the time.
Doesn’t matter the reason at all. In my books the kids ALWAYS comes first. Don’t let his emotions or yours interfere with what is best for your babies. If he is going to be annoyed and not accept the package deal then he needs to go. Why even offer to give your time up with your kids. Its bothering you but not him. Do what you think is best for you and your babies. Talk to him and have something change and if it doesn’t get better then kick him out. But always put your babies emotions first.
Ok so I am gonna chime in here because this is not a reason to leave. My husband is amazing and he is a great dad to my boys. When we first got together he would say the exact same things. He wished the boys lived with there father sometimes so he can have one on one time with me. He knew it wouldn’t happen and he knew my feelings and he was just saying. These statements are normal as these are kids that are not his, the bond hasn’t formed and your family is just starting out. My husband has now been in the picture for almost 6 years and he loves them to pieces. He still wishes the father would visit more so we could have the house to ourself but that’s where it stops. You have to give these things time. Bonds are not formed overnight they take years and take work. I also want to state that my husband says my ex took time away from him and that’s simply because he loves me and wishes we had gotten together sooner. It irritates me how so many take statements like that in a negative way… give people the benefit of the doubt.
Why are you with some one who is like that?
I really dont get why people have babies with guys that are just boyfriends. It seems you should have used protection and dated him longer to see if was husband material and a good dad for your kids first before jumping into having a kid. If dad material and puts a ring on it,then that is the time to start considering procreating with a guy. If the guy cant man up and start treating your kids like his own…ditch him.
My fiancé and I just had a baby a year ago and I have a 12 year old from another marriage. He treats her like she is his own and has never treated wrong.
Oh hell nah! I’m a single mama with a 14 month old son and I wouldn’t even consider or entertain a relationship with any man that didn’t fully accept my son period! We are a package deal and if the man can’t accept that than it’s a total non starter for me!! My son and his happiness comes first period! I can always date when he is grown or older. First of all you had to have known this before y’all had a baby and got serious. You know and can tell when someone is annoyed and irritated by your kids just by the tone and whatnot. Also this is incredibly saddening for your two children who are going to obviously see that he is annoyed with them and doesn’t want them around. They are definitely going to start acting up because they don’t feel loved and wanted! You made these children they need to be your priority and he needs to accept them period. If he can’t then honestly don’t know how you could be with someone who doesn’t want your kids around. Also now y’all have a child together that makes things even more difficult because you have to be in each other’s lives for the next 18 years. If you don’t have a serious conversation with him now about this and get it under control your kids are going to end up resenting you and not wanting to be with you.
You need to have a SERIOUS conversation with him ASAP and if things don’t change permanently and quickly, I’d be out of there. No man will EVER be in my life that treats my children like a burden. The kids can feel it too and they’ll grow up knowing you chose a man over them and that’s not ok.
U shud start running gf, if he’s now like that, don’t even wait till 14 years…get the hell out!
Your kids know. They aren’t stupid and can feel it. Is that ok with you?
I have put up with this before. Worst mistake ever.
Your kids don’t have a choice…you do. Your are their protector. Their voice. Bet your ass they can feel how he feels if you can.
Sounds like an a very angry man who is not bonded to your kids. Discuss, decide what you want in your life before it’s too late.
No it’s not normal tell me your just now noticing this I would never have gotten pregnant with another kid by him because this is not going to change I would never keep a guy if he does not do anything with my kids and acts the he does but that is your fault .
Wow.
Dump him he’s clearly not step dad ready.
Him being a sarcastic person doesn’t mean you make comments about your step kids.
Long 14 years …
you should only have them on the weekends. No not ok
I would be very worried so
Divorce is very difficult on kids and new babies in the house are too. My husband and I have been married over 20 years and when our kids are acting out and showing disrespect, it is very straining. My husband does not want our kids disrespecting me, him, or each other. His way of parenting is different than mine. We are concerned when they go through different stages and we get tired and emote to each other sometimes too. He probably thinks he is safe to say anything to you. I think when there is a week away from them next time, you two should sit and negotiate how to address stress and behavior issues around all three kids. Parenting and marriage is the hardest thing most of us will ever do. I’ve also read a study that says three children is the most stressful number to have. It sounds kinda weird because if I had 10 I would lose my mind. But there’s just a lot of stress in your new family right now and your kids are adjusting best they know how. They will both adjust differently as well. With whatever words he’s using, he’s telling you that he doesn’t think you guys are able to handle all you have going on right now. And he’s probably right because tiny babies are so hard and then you have a preschooler and young elementary. But the biggest truth is you need him not to say those things anymore that are making you question him so he needs to know that so he can take control of those thoughts. There needs to be lots of talking and connecting and negotiating when your two kids are not there so you are in a healthy place every time they come for their week.
When he decided to get with you he knew you had 2 kids, (It should not matter if ya all knew each other, before and whatever history ). Your babies are only 4/& 7. How you going to let him make them feel less because they not his. If your ex-husband took them from you. You could not even be mad
First if all he has no right disciplining your children. You herd to discipline your own children. Do not allow your son to disrespectful you. Talk to your son in private. Just listen to him. He’s leashing it for a reason. Its your job not the boyfriend. Your kids know and sense that boyfriend can not tolerated them. This is why your son is leashing out.
If your bf isn’t physically harming your children - he sounds like he is trying to help your son. Time outs are better than spanking - - . Does your ex punish the children at all? Maybe you, bf and children need counseling.
Um… no this sh-- is absolutely NOT normal and honestly your kids (all of them) are better off if y’all split. This man sounds toxic as hell.
My BIGGEST red flag is if a man doesn’t like my kids. That feeling won’t ever change and your kids deserve better. Idc how this man treats you, the emotional abuse to your kids should have been a wake up call enough.
Unfortunately, you’re here asking for advice rather than doing what you know is right so… I’ll send good vibes and prayers of healing to your oldest 2. Just don’t come back acting shocked when they remember this choice you made.
Wow…LEAVE! It doesn’t matter how much you love him. Love your kids MORE. If you can feel the animosity, do t you think your kids can feel it too???
A new baby or not it’s a dealbreaker if you treat my kids differently
Time to make your boyfriend another ex 
HES the burden, not your children
No, no, no. It’s not ok. Time to separate, he needs to think things over and so do you.
Nope. Who cares if he treats you good… you should be worried how he treats your kids first.
I don’t know who’s bad. You for still staying with him or him 
It’s a big red flag to me he said you should just take the kids on weekends. Those are your babies 
if someone said this to me I’d be saying bye to them. He knew you had them before you even got together
My kids are a direct extension of me! You don’t treat them as your own … we can’t be together! I will choose my kids every time! He knew you had them going into this… he needs to man up or get out!
Meh, I don’t think it’s a huge deal
You need to let him go, if he doesn’t accept you’re children that’s a big concern. Red flag!!
Gross even if he’s not harming them NO PARTNER should be around your kids and act like they are a burden. Idk but I wouldn’t let anyone that’s not a parent discipline my kids.
Have you talked to him about this? I’d try to work it out with him if possible.
Doesn’t matter what happened between the 3 of y’all. Children should not be punished! If a man says he loves me but doesn’t love my kid, that tells me he doesn’t love me! Because wether he likes it or not, may or may not agree my child is my responsibility and my obligation for the rest of my life. Simply, Because my child turns 18 or 21 Doesn’t mean it ends there. Being a parent is a lifetime commitment. If a man can’t love my child/ children he can get himself a woman that doesn’t have kids. My kid is my world and the most and only important thing in the world to me. If he loves your children he should not see or feel that they are a burden. Loving parents will never see their children as a burden 
Have you talked to him? Or did you just come to ask a bunch of people who will tell you to leave him? Talk to your boyfriend. Find the root of the problem. It could be something simple. It could be that he’s bothered by the fact you have kids with your ex. It could all be in your head. But you won’t know unless you talk to him.
Time to throw the whole man away:tipping_hand_woman:
don’t worry but Run Honey Run fast and far
My granddaughter has a 4 year old daughter with her ex boyfriend,who is not in there lives. And she is now pregnant with her new boyfriend of 2 years or more.baby is due any day now…Its just started that the boyfriend is not being so good to the 4 year old and she has started acting disrespectful and not minding, and yelling, & hitting. She has said to me that she did not like him. And she wanted him to go away.( more then once) I too have notices a change in him towards the 4 year old. That he’s been more verbally abusive. I told her mother what she said about not liking him and wanted him gone. She said she does not know what to do.
I know when the new baby gets here, he will be so mean to the 4 year old and she well be missed mistreated.
The CPS is already in our or there lives and my granddaughter goes to court this month to get custody back of her daughter and i don’t know if I should say something to our case worker. I have custody of her. This is so heartbreaking
Im sorry this was not about me or what Im dealing with. I just wanted her to know she’s not the only one going through this situation.
Take it from someone who was called the “annoying” kid by my step father, it only hurts the kid.
My step father had no kids and he knew my mom had me. Any chance he got he would be rude or put me down.
It really upset me that my mom chose such a hateful and unkind person. It messed me up mentally feeling like I wasn’t good enough.
So do the right thing and choose your kids. Men are replaceable, kids aren’t 
Sit down and talk to him. Ask him if he wants to be part of their lives or not. If he doesn’t then go your separate ways. He just may need to work though somethings. He could just be having a hard time with it all.
My ex hated my kids! Needless to say I’m no longer with him. Remember momma kids come first and their are men who will love the whole package 
Never put your man before your children.
He needs to be by himself,just make sure U set up visitation and child support.
No that is not normal. Yes you should be worried.
Throw the whole man out
Person posting: I need advice on this topic.
Everyone in the comments: “Leave!”
Having open communication with your spouse/SO about how things make you feel and what you expect may be a good place to start. Your kids always come first, obviously. If you want to have a blended family, there are hurdles that you may need to overcome. Sometimes, there are things that may need to be discussed so that everyone is on the same page. After that, if you feel it best to leave, that is ok too. But everyone is always so quick to say “Leave!”, when basic communication about your feelings and expectations should be the first step. 
My mom met my bonus dad when my sisters were 7 and 6 and I was 2 and i am now 31. If my mom ever seen or felt this she would’ve left him long before she had my other siblings. Your kids come first 
If he’s a sarcastic person he may not realize the things he says come off that way he may be trying to be a respectable step parent and maybe he feels like he can’t do to much with them in fear of being seen as “trying to replace dad” some people just look at things differently talk to him about it and get his perspective it sounds like he would hear you out and maybe the two of you can find a solution here
So by throwing him out you have two fathers coming in and out of your life and that of your kids. Very few people ever really “love” another persons child/children. Parenting your own is hard enough. Talk to him, have some counselling as a couple but also think about the kids. Their lives are changing with a new baby and that brings change.
get rid of the boyfriend
I’m starting to think these posts are fake. The questions some of these people ask have the most obvious answers
You and your kids are a package deal. If he cant treat them as his own when they are with you…pack his bags. I dont care how good a bf he is
You should have a serious conversation with him, thats for sure.
Boi, bye. my kids and I are a package deal. If he’s not up for that, it’s ok, but it means a relationship won’t work for me.
No should b treat same if child his via blood or not u all come as a package !! I’d b having words or tellin him t go
Maybe he needs to move out and come on weekends. What an A** smh.
Don’t force relationships let them happen naturally the beginning sucks but the end will be more genuine and you should have your kids get attached to someone that might not be around permanently
He can step in and give the older kids direction then his as* certainly can give the kids some bond time. In fact, that will be a perfect solution to the acting out. Kids are confused easily they need to know where they stand in their home.
Sit down with the bf on the week your kids w their dad and explain these things. If your what matters he’ll listen and do it.
My kids would never come at a cost! Your heart knows it’s not healthy or you wouldn’t reach out for advice! Pray for guidance and do what’s best for you and your children!
Kick him out and tell him he can see he’s kid at weekends seen as he thinks that’s ok for you
Do you have to have kids so fast?Use your brain more!
I think sometimes it just takes some adjustments to get use to comin into a relationship where either of you have kids to a previous partner. It’s a learning curve and maybe he just doesn’t know how its making you feel. I think that you need to sit down with him and openly talk with him and explain how it affects you, talk about what you’d like to have happen (possibly time bonding jus him and the kids etc) vice versa
NEVER let anybody separate you from your kids… If any man feel like MY kids are a burden, he can get gone. 
I think you should site down. And talk with him and let him know how it makes you feel
I would have said possibly normal except for the maybe only have them of a weekend comment. Sounds to me like he wants to forget you had a life before him and he’s jealous
Your kids come before him. He’s gotta get on board with them being around. He has to accept them as part of the family.
Girl why did you get pregnant by him in the first place 
I’m sure he acted this way beforehand and o would have left him then. But it’s not too late I guess
You need to think of your kids. He’s toxic, no man has a right to miss treat your children! Be their mother and protect them.
Have a serious conversation with the bf when your kids are at their dads. Your kids come first.Youve been with this guy at least nine months. Plenty of time for him to adjust. I say it again, kids come first.
Truth be told it’s hard loving kids like your own. You can come close but it’s certain emotions that only come out when u have kids biologically. Very hard to describe. Literally a chemical reaction that changes things for you. You also have to take into account your older kids already have a very active father while ur youngest has just him, no “bonus” anything. If bf isn’t harming the kids, doesn’t treat the older two unfairly, is a good caretaker all around, good bio dad to his own and excellent partner to you, that should be good enough. It’s like ppl want super humans. We aren’t perfect, no circumstances in life are. Until he becomes your husband don’t put too much emphasis on it. Once and if y’all get married and he is legally the stepparent to your two children then have the conversation of what u would like to see. Create a more United family front. Discuss with your kids what you all would call your “husband” now that his is legally their stepdad(discuss with him first and then together as a team) because having them call him his real name while the child you two share biologically, calls him dad creates a divide. But all that is only contingent on if you and his relationship can really go the distance. But for right now with him being boyfriend again, don’t put too much emphasis on it. Try doing group activities to the park or game nights, whatever incorporates all working as a team! Go luck to you!!! Take care!
You need to speak up and address this issue NOW before you invest more time in a man who may be dismissive of your kids and even SUGGESTING letting the ex have them?? Wtf? Nahhhh you need to sit him down and have a long talk about it. And don’t have ANY more kids with him for a LONG while. You don’t want him showing favoritism and your kids end up in therapy
Jealousy and you better talk about it now!
I know I’m crass some people make Think I’m crude but your kids come FIRST! Dump the dude Immediately!!!
No it’s not normalGet rid of him now and find a man who is not a selfish pig
Get rid of him you’re putting your kids in an Unhealthy living environment.
I would tell him to shut his damn mouth! There your children and if he cant tolerate the children etc then something needs to be done.
HIS actions are telling you everything you need to know. So to answer your questions…
Should I be worried? YES
Is this normal? NO
Not normal, knowing them before starting a relationship should’ve been easier not harder. Stop justifying his shitty behavior, your older kids will pick up on his attitude and probably stay with their dad if your not careful.
I would not allow that kind of comments about my children. I would let him go no matter how much I love him
Your kids comes first if he thinks your kids are annoying it could only get worse later just keep your eyes open don’t let him mistreats them if so get out you don’t want your kids to feel left out by h
Umm…. He wanted you to loose time with YOUR CHILDREN, bc they aren’t his is every reason to say F YOU! He KNEW YOU HAD KIDS, he orta thought about that before he got with you!
What is wrong with y’all ladies, putting these men before your kids. Boy bye is what you need to be saying.
Think about it this way, one day your kids will be old enough to decide who they spends the most time with and whose house they call home. If you keep your boyfriend around treating them like this, your home will not be the one they pick. Are you OK with that? Is he worth alienating your own children??
I couldn’t be with someone who thinks my son is annoying and a burden.
Yes, it can be hard to love a child that is not your own, but he needs to stop acting like he’s annoyed with them or he can leave.
I feel like if someone, anyone is going to discipline or reprimand my kids. They need to be balancing that out with quality time with them. If they don’t do one they don’t get to do the other. It’s not fair to the kids and sends a bad message
I’m a say this once
OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND STAND THE FUCK UP FOR YOUR KIDS!!!
DONT EVER LET ANYONE ACT THAT WAY OR SAY THAT SHIT ABOUT YOUR KIDS
He needs to grow up lord
Sorry, but if I had a boyfriend and he suggested only having my kids on the weekends and letting their other parent have them the rest of the time, I’d get rid of the boyfriend.
That was a dumb relationship to get into in the first place jeez. Some guy who resents your ex for “stealing” you? It’s his own fault he didn’t move when he had the chance, and having a baby with this guy was a terrible choice. Additionally he should not be the one disciplining your children, that is YOUR job. Like, just all of this was a big fat red flag from the jump. You need to have a grown up conversation with him about this and if you are realistically able to move forward together or if you need to part ways. Because parenthood is a lifetime, not just until the kids are 18.
Get. Ridi of him. He. Don’t like your other kids
Girl you need to get rid of him!!! He should love those babies like they are his own