Imagine being 3yo, can you? Imagine trying to communicate your emotions with very little knowledge in how to do so.
You’re the adult, how about instead of getting so irritated with her, you stay cool and try to communicate with her, comfort her. Because maybe in her head she’s trying to figure out her emotions and thoughts but just cant yet.
This morning my 6yo did not want to go to school. He was not wanting to cooperate at all, was fighting me while I was trying to help him put his clothes on. Instead of becoming overwhelmed and irritated myself, I stopped and just pulled him in for a hug. We both calmed down and he did everything I asked him to and was ready for school on time.
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I have three kids, different ages ranging from 2-11, and all of them act like this. Hell I probably act like this in my husband’s mind 
. It’s good you’re trying to instill these principles into her while she’s young. You’re doing a good job. Just keep reinforcing what you’re already doing. No matter what, your kids will experience different things when they leave your house. You just have to hope they get it together… eventually lol
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Sounds like she is frustrated and can’t express what she needs. Instead of telling her to do things,show her. Kids learn by example. Make cleaning up a fun game,be silly,interact with her and soon she will start doing what you do. Be consistent.
Like it or not, it is normal. It takes 18 years to raise a child and non of them are perfect, bor will they always act as you would like them to. In order for a child to learn and follow a routine, you need to be consistent with it. Fact is she is testing your boundaries and there will be tears and meltdowns to find what your breaking point is.
Wow none of these responses have been helpful to this person at all can’t y’all like take the judgment and shove it and give her suggestions for help
Yeah… you don’t want to hear it but my daughter will be 4 in November and that’s life my dear! Lol. Some days are better than others but you can’t be mad at other people because she’s being a toddler. You’re expecting her to act like she’s 10. Give it time…
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Sure their is free parent courses in your area typically offered by social services. You need these but your child does not need behavioral therapy.
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My daughter is 4 still dealing with this but not as much since she has been taking speech therapy through school I take away her favorite things for tantrums she is learning to not act this way .
This 100% normal for a 3 year old. Whether going to childcare or not. She’s learning who she is and what she can and can’t get away with, how far she can push you, etc. It’s not a behavioral issue at all. Just keep standing your ground and reminding her of the rules, and discipline however you do when needed.
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OP be like “how do i get my toddler to stop acting like a toddler?” 
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I’m surprised she gets spoiled at day care! I always thought they were like boot camp!
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In all honesty, my daughter became another child at 3…almost satanic! Lol
Try adjusting your expectations to her abilities and the fact she is 3. She’s a baby your baby. Pick your battles my good She’s 3. Teaching takes there whole life. Don’t make life miserable. Celebrate her successes instead of focusing on her 3 great old behavior.
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Sounds like you need to learn how to communicate with your daughter. Find ways that work for her. Kids that age get overwhelmed so easily because they don’t understand what’s going on. They’re still learning about themselves and the world around them.
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Life with small children lol 
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okay first of all that is nothing to do with being spoiled at daycare that sounds like every other child I’ve ever been around. Not wanting to pick up their toys. Or like the lady said the other day her eleven-year-old daughter throwing the hairbrush down the hallway and screaming and slamming her bedroom door.please keep in mind that she is only three years old. And I want to share this with you my husband does tree work he trims palm trees he cuts down trees he’s a carpenter he’s a handyman he’s as scrap metal. And there was one time for Easter my daughter got like 7 Easter baskets. Because some of them were from his customers and things like that. You can’t stop other people for wanting to do something nice and sweet for your child.you better get used to that crying during the hair thing cuz my daughter is 11 years old and she still throws a fit brushing her hair just like I said a minute ago about the daughter being 11 and throwing the hairbrush down the hallway and slamming her bedroom door. Honey it just gets harder it doesn’t get no easier.I mean they call terrible twos for a reason and then it’s terrible threes ,terrible fours, terrible five ,terrible six terrible, terrible seven, terrible eight, terrible nines terrible tens terrible 11. My girlfriend has to 14 year olds in her house and apparently she was eavesdropping and heard something that she did not approve of which resulted in her daughter’s phone being smashed into several hundred pieces all over the house and being grounded. I know for first-time moms the terrible twos are hard and then 3 is hard and then for is hard but honestly if you don’t get strong now you’re not going to make it. my child complains to do her hair complains to pick up her room and she’s 11 years old.trust me I doubt it is anything to do with behavior issues she sounds like a typical three year old wanting to throw a fit because she doesn’t get her way. but I’m really astounded at the fact that you don’t seem to want people doing for your child because you think it’s spoiling them. Let me explain something to you my next door neighbor lady has been buying my daughter brand new toys hairdryers a TV you name it because she feels sorry that my daughter doesn’t have her grandmother here to be a grandma to her. do you think I’m over here going oh my God you’re spoiling my eleven-year-old she’s going to throw a fit at home blah blah blah. No ma’am. My daughter loves it when people do things like that for her. It makes her feel good and you can tell it does. She smiles so big and she gives him a big hug and says thank you so much I love you. You don’t want to take that away from your little three year old.you think you have problems now honey wait till this child start school and there’s bully problems arising problems in the classroom with your child having to sit down for 8 hours a day and learn. Learning how to walk in a line everywhere they go having to be able to fully read by first grade or they fall behind and they start making bad grades. Having so hard homework even at 5 and 6 years old you’re over there on Google asking Google how did you do your child’s homework. How about your child throwing a fit over homework have you heard of that one. My daughter will throw such a fit over her homework that I can’t stand myself and I want to pull every hair of my hair out of my head. This is just the beginning. This little girl is still a baby practically. wait until your daughter has friends and you’ve got issues with friends and things like that I mean it just keeps going on and on I really think you need to rethink what you posted and what you said about your child being spa because honestly it just seems like people like your little girl and they loved her that much to buy things for her into doing things for her. And I would think inside your heart that would make you smile and be happy but apparently not
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I’m at home right now and I am 46 and still trying to get out of picking up my things 
if my husband was home I would be trying to hug him too
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Yes its normal unfortunatly terrible twos goes into terrible 3’s. Ive three kids and only middle girl was calm and relaxed, changed as soon as she hit high school
My Daughter turned 4 in January she she is Challenging I wont Lie. She Crys every Morning when doing her Hair she hasn’t Got used to it. Wont Cry for my parther(Herstep dad) But Likes to Play Up for Me Because I’m Her mother. Same goes for my son They are both Well behaved for everyone else but Not always for me Mainly because I’m there comfort zone and the Parent…
I Would Start Doing timeout For some Of her Behaviour… I been Going timeout with both of mine for a goodwhile. Though Kids are kids they Like to Try and push ur buttons I’m afraid.
also my daughter used to be Bad with speech She played up Even More because she couldn’t Tell me what she Wanted to Say or Wanted. Breathe It does get better
I have a 3 almost 4 year old, and 2 almost 3 year old. I know you dont wanna hear this, but it is completely normal. I lose my semi daily, they dont listen, my daughter wont let me do her hair she wont ever hardly let me brush it. Sorry…but it is normal
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Ive had this problem with my kid where all her grandparents spoil her. Just remember that a kid only acts this way around people they are comfortable with. She’s showing her frustrations to you. Show her where to put her toys with her and she will follow example.
This… my son has speech and occupational delays. If they can communicate what they want, it’s frustrating for them. If you are getting frustrated, take a minute and step back. She can’t help it, she is 3. Jesus. Daycare will HELP!! 
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Wow. 1st, let her cry, don’t give her what she wants. 2nd, she has issues with speech-imagine how frustrating it is not to be able to communicate your wants/needs/feelings. As for the picking up, instead of giving orders make a game out of it. And hair, both my girls have always hated getting their hair done, try just a quick brush and leave it be. Sounds like maybe her other caregivers may be more in tune and patient with her 
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All children can be taught to clean up… No not all three yr olds whine… You’re the mom… You discipline her… Teach her your rules are the rules she goes by.
Kids are capable of picking up their own toys by age 18 months… It’s your job as a parent… To make them…
My four yr old had speech delay… I taught him sign language and put him in speech therapy… A speech delay does not effect hearing and comprehension. At age three they know exactly what you’re telling them and understamd it. It’s your job to enforce it…
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I have a 10 year old who STILL complains when I brush her hair You said it yourself , she’s three she’s learning life and the roles each person plays including herself and developing her personality. Be patient with her, and teach her. She’s not doing anything out of the normal that would require any kind of doctors visit let alone behavioral therapy 
Side note , People say it’s the terrible twos and it most certainly is not , Four kids later and it is for sure the terrible THREES, twos were a walk in the park.
Ever hear the word “Threenager”? Yupp. Welcome to it. It’s a real thing. The only way to change the behavior is to wait for this phase to pass and continue being consistent. It sounds like 3 being 3. Not spoiled.
When it’s time to pick up toys, I set a timer, she has 3.5 minutes to pick her stuff up or it.goes in the garbe(I hide it). She doesnt whine, and it’s like a game for her to pick her stuff up before the timer runs out, and I dont have to ask her a.million times.
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Ok, I know this isn’t what you want, but hear me out… That’s what 3 year olds do.
The lack of communication is most likely making it worse, and she’s frustrated she can’t communicate what she wants/needs. But even if that wasn’t an issue, this behavior is still extremely typical (normal)
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Sounds like every 3 year old I’ve ever known…I think you may be expecting too much and setting yourself up for disappointment, mama. Mine turned 5 in January; it gets better…kinda 
Gee sounds like a 3 year old
Stick to your guns. Children need consistency.
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You may have a neurodiverse child that will develop at different rate than neurorypical children.
First step, stop being so very hard on a 3 year old. Make good habits a game and then they will just remain good habits. At 3, my son and I played the clean up game where we turned on the “clean up” music.
Second Step, never meet a child’s aggression with adult aggression. These little people are still learning to manage big emotions that some adults can’t even manage effectively.
Third Step, meet them with compassion as well as firm boundaries. And as always with children: PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE
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You may have a neurodiverse child that will develop at different rate than neurorypical children.
First step, stop being so very hard on a 3 year old. Make good habits a game and then they will just remain good habits. At 3, my son and I played the clean up game where we turned on the “clean up” music.
Second Step, never meet a child’s aggression with adult aggression. These little people are still learning to manage big emotions that some adults can’t even manage effectively.
Third Step, meet them with compassion as well as firm boundaries. And as always with children: PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE
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This is 3 year old behavior. Every single one of them. They’ll test you simply to to test you. Might have nothing to do with daycare or granny.
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When my daughter throws a tantrum at home I ignore her until she calms down, then I get down to her level and tell her that her behavior is not acceptable. If it’s really bad I put her in timeout until she calms down. When I’m in public I again get at her level and explain that it’s not acceptable and then distract her from what she is crying out. This is all part of being a toddler, as for your parents I would definitely have a sit down discussion with them and same with the daycare
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Remember that kids are typically the “worst behaved” for their moms, because we’re the person they feel safest with. She might be holding in certain emotions at daycare and then needs to get them out at home with you, but doesn’t know how to express herself yet. So it comes out in stubbornness. My daughter’s a little behind on speech too, so I really feel you on that one. It’s so frustrating trying to understand what they want… But it’s also frustrating for them not being able to tell us, I think. 
Hang in there!
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You might not want to hear that she’s 3 and this is what they do, but, SHE IS 3 AND THIS IS WHAT THEY DO.
Also, if she wants a hug it’s because she needs reassurance, hugging a child and showing affection are NOT spoiling a child. They literally need it.
I think you really need to explore why it is you believe a 3 year old is suppose to act like a well-adjusted adult. Why you think that hugging her and showing her affection is spoiling her. 3 year olds also don’t have perfect speech and honestly if you’re aura is angry and anxious and demanding all the time, of course she’s going to respond to you the way she does.
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My son will be 4 in may as well. Am dealing with the same thing "cry for no reason etc…BT am not panicking coz I think its a normal stage, it will pass.
Hmm sorry but i think thats normal. My daughter acted like that at 3. Its a phase 
continue to not let her win, shell understand that crying wont help with time
Spoiled behavior starts at home.
Uhm, sorry if it’s not what you wanna hear. But this is normal behaviour for a 3 year old. My daughter will be 4 in April and is in absolutely no way spoiled, but she likes to push her boundaries, she has meltdowns that make me want to rip my hair out, she argues and talks back. Because she’s learning Independence, she’s learning how to deal with new emotions.
It’s your job as a parent to help them curve those outbursts. But there’s nothing wrong with your child.
I dont thier such a word spoiled it’s called love
Stop expecting so much from a 3 year old. If she won’t clean up her toys than take her hand and walk around with her and clean up the toys using her hand.
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It’s normal. Mine is 19 months. She has her days where she wants to be held all the time n feed while other days she does everything by her self. Be patient n hang in there
It’s literally a normal stage that almost every kid goes through. You’re a first time mum asking other mums for advice but can’t except the truth !! It’s totally normal behaviour especially if at daycare she would be holding in all sorts of emotions and feelings then let’s go at home where she feels safe. And I cannot stress this enough but hugs are NOT spoiling a child they need that shit to feel reassured.
my son gets spoiled from my mom yet still knows he won’t get his way with me you have to say no and mean it don’t give in to her its that simple everytime u do it reinforces her behavior and lets her know that if she throws a tantrum long enough she will get her way. When you say no and she throws tantrums if you truly want her to stop you need to ignore her once she realizes she isn’t getting attention or her way from showing that behavior it will stop. Good luck
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Meg, it’s just her lack of communication skills , it’s really frustrating for her.
This is normal has nothing to do with being spoiled… at that age I’ve always helped my kids and sang a song to get them into tidy up time. I have done this with all my kids and by the time there 6 they clean up on there own without even asking. She’s 3 not 10
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You don’t want to hear how this is normal, but this is normal…
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Ive been raise both my kids with no since they were 1 as well as please and thank you. My daughter just turned 2 and she says plz and thank you better than most kids and if she doesnt listen when I say no and count to 3 she gets a time out she understands what happens if I get to 3 and she doesnt stop. Its all about consistency and she is your child so daycare HAS to follow ur rules and u need to put ur foot down with ur mother if u dont get them under control when they’re young they wont respect you or listen when they’re teenagers
What ever the behaviour is it shouldn’t be constant. If she is continually displaying these behaviours over an extended period of time and your dicipline techniques aren’t making a difference then there could be a problem. Could be anxiety, general childhood behavioural problems. Just be consistent with her and remember to have fu, play games and always praise her when she listens and dose what’s asked of and also when she’s just being good.
Typical 3 year old.
You can’t play the “who can I blame” game.
You literally described every 3 year old
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People are kind of right. It is kind of normal. Also redirection helps a lot. Instead of demanding for her to pick up her toys take her hand and help her. I know, I know I’ve been to the point that’s more of a hassle than me just picking them up and doing it myself. But it will help her learn to do it. Eventually she will do it on her own. The hair thing ummm I’m Tender headed but as a kid I was TENDER TENDER TENDER HEADED. I wouldn’t even let anyone touch my hair. (My parents would chop it off short cause I’d cry so much. )
Wowww how sad. This is normal behaviour! And it probably has more to do with her speech delay. She is overwhelmed as she cannot express how she is feeling.
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Seriously? With all the children in the world abused, molested, killed by the negligence of adults in their life you are complaining about the people who love, protect and adore your child?
That means they have the space to spoil her because you’re doing a great job as a mother and she’s obviously well behaved when with them. She’s a baby! Keep your standards and discipline and it will work itself out. Use it as practice for peer pressure in the later years. Be creative and grateful you have support where you need it.
she isnt spoiled , she is doing what all 2 3 4 year olds do, she is trying you, she is seeing how far she can go and get away with stuff ie melt downs and not having to pick up her toys, throwing a tantrum its perfectly normal,
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I have had to deal with this hun, the hair thing is going to happen until the day she starts doing her own hair PROPERLY, and yes she may be getting spoiled but I find that with toddlers its them seeing how far they can push the boundaries before you either lose the plot or give in, keep up the good work honey and be strong consistency is key
You didn’t want to hear it but it’s just the truth, this is what 3 year olds do. Not just that, but my son is 2, I know he’s younger but he is also struggling with his speech and throws tantrums about 100 times a day. I’ve come to the realization that because he can’t talk and communicate with words he’s communicating through his tantrums. It’s annoying to us adults but he doesn’t know how else to communicate his frustration, anger, sadness, disapproval, etc. other than to cry, just like a newborn baby. I’m confident once his speech improves this will tone down a bit. Not expecting it to completely go away though since he is only 2, just tone down some once he can communicate. You have to have patience, it’s part of being a parent sorry to tell you.
Oh, I started to throw them away and from that point onwards, my son knew very well to pack or or it goes in the trash!
Her speech delay is her frustration. My daughter was the same way. As she got better with her words but still threw a fit, I would put her in time out for throwing a tantrum until she calmed down. Then I would explain that she cannot just cry and scream to get what she wants, she has to pick up her toys like I said and if she still wanted to play with certain ones she has to use her words. It took some time but it worked. She used to throw toys when she had a fit. She is now 9 yrs old and behaves very well. Be consistent with her at home and just tell the grandparents and daycare that she is your child and you have rules for her for a reason and they are to follow them. And my daughter used to hate me doing her hair, until I said ok you brush it. Over an hour later she came to me and said “it hurts when I do it, can you help me?”
Sounds like every 3 year old in the history of 3 year olds I’m betting your mom and the people at daycare have more experience than you, they’re spoiling her with PATIENCE.
She’s a toddler, it’s kind of what they do.
Instead of “clean up your toys” I say “can I help -you- put your toys away” I make it appear to be his activity and I want to be involved.
My son gets that way. You just have to not give in at home. Do a chore chart so she feels more included in the routine that you have for her. Maybe then it might feel less like you are telling her what to or not do. I also do time outs with my son, no matter where we are. If we are in the middle of the mall or at grandmas house. Also you can try to talk her feeling out. Like “hey I know you are upset right now about picking up your toys.” Just acknowledging that you hear her.
Sorry but that’s a three year old and one with a speech delay to boot. She is still learning and testing you
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Try inviting her to pick up only the red toys. And you do the yellow toys with her. Then add a colour each time. Do it with her and see how it goes.
As a mom of two , this is my opinion. It’s the age, nothing wrong with your daughter. I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old boy. Both will do the same behavior. They are just learning how they can stand their ground and have a voice. It takes time, just try to keep your cool.
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Your parents and the daycare have to back up your parenting requests in order for it to be successful. I am in agreement that she should pick up her toys and listen to her mommy. Keep enforcing her boundaries and continue to press on the parents and daycare. If they do not do what you are requesting, they will have to have consequences as well. Such as limited time with grandparents or possibly moving to another daycare. It is very important to stick to your guns.
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how does the daycare spoil her to the max? that I’m confused about. however, your parents spoiling her, i can see that… id ask them to stop or simply limit their interaction.
simple as that… keep consistency and she will catch on. 
Sounds a lot like my son when he was that age. I had been thinking the same thing but he ended up being diagnosed with something called sensory processing disorder. It makes a child sensitive to touch and sound causing meltdowns from over-stimulation.
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Everyone deals with this, just stay consistant at home.
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My middle child did this. They spoiled her rotten because for the first little bit she couldnt hear. And when we got this fixed family decided they would give her whatever she asked for to get her to talk. Fast forward to 3 years old and she didnt wanna pick up well her Dr told me to do a sticker chart. I was like you want me to put sticky pieces of paper on a bigger piece of paper for behaviour? She said trust me. Well I ended up eating my words. We had a goal get 7 of 10 stickers we do something fun for dinner and so on 10 of 10 is you get to pick what we do (within reason) and after about 3 months I didnt have to use the stickers. No yelling no fussing just a lot of stickers. Just try things until u find something that works I’m a mom of three and none of the same things work on all of them. Keep calm and just find something that works for you and her. Or littlest “dunks” her blocks into a tote because her big sis plays basketball
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I practiced a lot of hand over hand with my kids when they were small and didn’t want to do things. With her hand in mine we would pick up the toys, then I would stop and ask them to keep going. If they didn’t we would do hand over hand again. They eventually figure out that you are not giving up until they do it. Kids learn who they can get away with stuff with. If you say no and she cries. So what, act like its no big deal if she cries or throws a tantrum. You are still gonna say no. In public, take her outside. It’s a lot of work, all worthwhile things are. Persist mama, she will be better for it.
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You may not want to hear it but it sounds like a normal three year old.
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… Well im going to say it she is 3 not 15. Maybe its not because she is spoiled. They are learning how to deal with their emotions i have a 1 year old i have to chase to brush her hair as she screams and says ouch the whole time. Not because im hurting her she use to do just fine with me doing her hair its a phase. Maybe try and make clean up fun sing a song while she cleans up teach it to her. To do mines hair ill hand her something like a cookie, sucker, or the spray bottle while i do her hair something to keep her attention. My step kids are the worse for picking up toys and they are older id sit there all day trying to get them to pick up toys i have a timer and id set it and tell them they had to race the timmer and made it a game if the timer went off and they had not cleaned up something got taken away tv time tablets whatever they were into at the time.
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I know you didn’t want to hear that it’s the age, but my 2 year old son has just started doing this. I’m a pretty strict momma too, and dad is strict as well. He doesn’t go to daycare or see grandparents (2 states away) so no one spoils him. He cried all last night through bath time. And today he cried all the way through breakfast. I just tell him to go sit on his bed when he starts the whining. He gets up when he’s ready, and it removes him from the situation that is causing the whining.
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It’s the age 100%. She’s only been alive 3 years. Her maturity and mental abilities are developing. Be consistent as you are and she will grow out of it. You’re doing great mama!!!
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Welcome to the life of a toddler! A “typical” kiddo acts the same way however, my son had a speech delay and a lot of times the tears came from not being understood, which can be really hard and trying for them. Just have patience, this will pass.
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She’s getting her little self confused and irritated cos she knows she can’t tell you properly
I believe it is the age, she is still learning and I would just keep being persistent at your home
You’re not being unreasonable to ask them to help her form good, useful habits! Its weird for the daycare not to tell her not to clean up. My daughters been to a few daycares and they always made her clean up. Sometimes i had to wait 10-20min if she was whining about doing it but i had no problem waiting. Shes much better at cleaning now at 6 then i think she would have been if not for starting early. i say, GOOD JOB MOMMA!
It might just be her age…i know what you mean though. My parents spoil my 18 month old by giving in to every melt down she has. It drives me nuts because i have 2 other children (8, and 4 months old) and when im alone with them like i always am, not every meltdown will be hugged out
My 3 year old says No, walks away, has tantrums, doesn’t pick up after herself. She’s three- also going to be 4 in May. It’s normal behavior they are still toddlers.
My daughter just NOW at 10 stopped complaining while I did her hair.
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she sounds like a normal 3 year-old to me.
I feel like children can behave and have different expectations from place to place and person to person. So my kids will drop something at home and keep it moving but at my moms where that doesn’t fly on saturdays when she watches them they will pick up a crumb dishes in the sink etc. at my sisters my son will hang his coat when he comes in her door at my house he drops a pile of shoes back pack coat and occasionally pants. They know here they don’t have soda but they can at grandmas and even if they ask here they usually no it’s a No! So to think that someone else allows something you don’t doesn’t mean she doesn’t know your rules for home are different I think at three she’s just to small to grasp it. My son is five and it takes a breakdown and threats of the trash bag sometimes before toys are picked up. You just have to be consistent. Grandparents always tend to spoil and say no a lot less but as kids get older they know what flys at grandmas doesn’t fly at home and they act accordingly it just takes time and growth.
Not being able to communicate well plays a big part of an angry toddler.
My oldest did speech therapy and was delayed in speech. We couldnt understand him and it made him upset, quickly. He knew what he was saying but we weren’t hearing it. When her speech is better sorted out, this will probably ease up some❤️
Sounds like a typical threenager
Unfortunately from personal experience the only way to break that is to spend more time with her which as a working mom I know isn’t always easy. When most of the hours spent awake are with someone else they bond to that person, not saying she does not have a bond or love you don’t get me wrong, and she will do what they allow. Unless you can get these people on a leash or pull away from them some, it will continue to be this way. Something I am realizing with my 4 year old and her Nana myself. And it takes time. It’s hard. Real struggles of the working mom. Good luck 
As a parent you have to understand when to pick your battles and how to get creative. If you know something like picking up toys is about to be a meltdown, turn it into something fun…put a “clean up song” on or you guys sing together and see how many toys can get cleaned up during that song. Then eventually she will hear the song and know its time to clean. You can turn just about any task at that age into something fun and while I get it, she should just do what you’re asking, shes only 3. You as a mom have to decide how you want the day to go. It can be full of meltdowns and tears or fun and laughs and still getting things accomplished. You got this 
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That’s not spoiled that’s normal 3 year old behavior. I would recommend you read The Whole Brain Child book, its fantastic for helping understand how our kids brains works! Janet Lansburys No bad kids is excellent too, really helped me!
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I will tell you, as a parent who have had two children with speech issues (one bad, one slight issues), meltdowns can and will be a part of it. Just like a baby, when a child can’t communicate their feelings, wants, or needs they can cry and throw a fit. My son, who had the biggest issues, would have a complete meltdown over the smallest things. We found out it was exactly why I said. Now that he is out of speech, this behavior has still carried over but habits are very hard to break and become just a function to people. He is ten now. Occasionally he will just loose it, like someone killed his favorite dog or something loose it. We have to send him to his room to calm down and think about what the issue really is that is causing him to melt down. After awhile he either falls asleep or comes out and will tell us. I’m going to keep it real here… one time when he was three the drop to the ground I’m dying meltdown was because… 
he wanted cheese. I laugh now, but I looked at him as if he was a foreign species in the moment.
But, because he couldn’t form his want it came out as what we see as a tempertantrum. It is almost impossible to actually spoil a young child, this habit tends to form in their later childhood years. Their personalities will form no matter how much you give them or don’t. Things like cleaning up her toys, I would request that the childcare makes her help. Not do it all, but help. Younger children you can’t just ask them to do something, you need to point out each toy that needs to be picked up and tell them where it goes. As I said before, later down the line this will become a learned habit. She also could not be getting enough sleep at the daycare, causing her to act out at home. My youngest, who is three, still naps a lot and sleeps in very late every day. She is a demon when she doesn’t get enough sleep, and I’m not exaggerating it is BAD! Things may seem rough now, but you are in a rough age group. Three’s makes “terrible two’s” look like a walk in the park. With all five of my children this has been the roughest age by far, and I have a teenager. I’d take a teen over a three year old any day . It will get better and this time will pass by so quickly. Focus on the good, tweek what you can with the bad, and just enjoy the ride.
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My daughter went through something similar around that age. She was born with moderate hearing loss in both ears. From what i gathered from my experience is they get frustrated not being able to communicate the way they want and they dont know how to tell you. It makes them angry and sad. Being 3 years old makes it hard to process those emotions and then meltdowns happen. They grow out of it. Shes 11 now and very well mannered. Communicates just fine. Its a rough patch she has to get through you just have to stay strong and be patient.
I think it’s not because she is spoiled. I think it is because she is frustrated because she can’t speak properly in what she wants. Kids do get frustrated over that. My daughter is autistic and is the same way sometimes. The key is to ignore the meltdown and to not give in, but at the same time make sure you try to get with her on her level and reassure her it’s ok to not always get things her way. Sounds like she might have some sensory processing issues?
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Sounds like a normal kid at that age. My four year old son is the same way…
Maybe start out small. Like time to pick up the stuffed animals and put them away. Then move on to blocks. Ect. Make it into steps instead of lets pick up all the toys? Can be stressful when its a lot. And maybe she feels overwhelmed with it and cant say. Also maybe sing a clean up song or play cleaning music to make it more fun?
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Also, be grateful getting spoiled is all you have to worry about at childcare! I’ve dealt with bad experiences personally and I’ve seen nightmares working at one and doing college observation hours for teaching at many. Some where so bad I had to call CPS on the facilities and the State, and one of these was a 5 star high end facility I could never afford. 100% of parenting is counting your blessings and learning to pick and choose your battles. This is a blessing moment for real.
Honestly it could be both age and her being spoiled. Many people don’t want to believe it but toddlers are more aware of what they are doing than what people think. If she knows she can get her way by throwing a tantrum then she’ll do it. The daycare and grandparents need to be on your side with things.
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With My first child I worried with each stage that this would define who he was if it were not fixed right away. Relax a little. Have some patience and stop blaming the daycare or her grandparents. Be grateful she is loved. Try some of the tricks the others suggested. I am sorry, it is the age. I have three adults and they all went through stages. They are all wonderful and adjusted people. Try to enjoy her, time is to short to worry about the small stuff. Just keep talking and explaining.
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