Some of theses comments are ridiculous!
To each of their own but I personally am not going to have my child throw a fit because she doesn’t get what she wants she learned that real quick, so I get your frustration on that. I may sound different than anyone on here that I’ve seen but we give pow spankings not hard but on her hand she cut it out. Now she knows she’ll wait until we get home or no to that candy. It’s a tantrum fit they throw it’s your choice to give in or not to but we don’t. As far as toys I’d turn that into a game we always sing clean up and I help her with a few toys etc. sometimes she’ll do it on her own because she has a routine. I also reward good behaviors. And as far as other people in the child’s life explain to them you are working on these things and need help with following your routines and rules…
I know it’s hard, but it can get better. We have 4
They all at their ages have chores and rules to follow.
The whole it’s a toddler it’s ok isn’t always well ok! If you allow this behavior for forever it’ll never change. That’s just my personal opinion and experience. Good luck momma
I relate. I have a 3 yr old with the same issues.
She’s 3. Can’t imagine how you’ll feel about her behavior at 16 LOL
Stop being so overbearing… she’s 3 YEARS OLD… and you are stressing her tf out and making her cry…
Structure is a routine that is learned and takes patience from the one that is enforcing it. Half y’all either wanna beat your kids into listening and the other half just wanna let the kids do whatever they want because it’s easier that way. These comments are crazy!!
Girl… it’s exactly because she’s 3. You do need to continue to stick to what you say though, if you say no or ask get to do something, stand your ground and don’t give in, however this is completely NORMAL behavior for a 3 year old. YOU need to remember that she is a CHILD. She is learning and she is going to push limits and test yours, lol… A 3yo doesn’t need behavioral therapy!!! You need to take a deep breath, because if your already this strung out, I’m gonna tell you right now that you shouldn’t have another kiddo. Right now it’s all a learning phase for the both of you, your definitely expecting way too much out of a baby. They grow so fast, let her be the child she is, at the same time you can still stick to your guns, maybe in a different approach than your currently taking though because if your thought is that a 3yo needs therapy for being a 3yo then I’m concerned your the one who may need to see someone.
Fb is dangerous territory to try to address this issue. So many people are of the mindset that young children and helpless and can’t be held accountable for their actions. They certainly do learn boundaries very early. I introduce the concept of the word no at 6 months. Not because I expect them to understand, but because they only learn to understand through repetition. If you wait until they’re “old enough to understand” then the repetition of the spoiling patterns have already set in. Our children’s generation is going to be a mess.
Omg she’s three, she doesn’t need a therapist, she needs a mom who doesn’t expect a three year old to act like adult. Make games out of cleaning up, find a way to engage her, instead of just telling her, again, she is three and change daycares, find one that doesn’t spoil your to one that doesn’t care about her. Smh
Our oldest is 4 and he acts the same way. He is usually good but definitely doesnt like picking up a big mess when he makes it. He likes to help clean when you’re cleaning lol which really he just gets in the way but I still let him help so he learns. I think the key is to let them help when they want. Like sweeping, folding clothes, dishes, etc. Even when it’s a pain and makes you do more it will work out better in the long run. With his toys though when he refuses to clean we tell him a few things depending on how hes acting. If he just starts screaming and throwing a tantrum we take away the toys we pick up (only for a day or two) or he goes in the corner for timeout. And we tell him he has to start playing with one toy at a time and put back what he was playing with before he gets something else until he gets back into the routine of picking up his toys. And honestly sometimes we just bribe him if hes being a little whiny and lazy it usually gives him a reason to want to clean. Stickers, fruit snacks, extra game time on his tablet, ice pops. But he has to clean and do a good job, not just throw everything into one corner or the closet. All the toys and books have a spot and he knows where they go. I think that a little diciplin, a reward chart and a lot of breathing excersise for you to keep your cool will be your best bet. My kids get super spoiled too by their grandparents, I’ve tried to fight it and we’ve put our foot down plenty of times but some stuff you just have to work with. It will be the same issue when she starts school and learns behaviors from other kids that you dont like. It’s going to be a long road of patience and diciplin lol. We try to really drill into him that everywhere he goes there are rules. Some places he will go will give him a little more slack and let him do what he wants but our rules are still our rules. In life theres rules everywhere you go and he has to learn to listen to them all. Hes still young and your daughter is too it’s a pain sometimes but you have to learn to work around other people’s rules, what he may get to do at home he might not get to do anywhere else and vice versa and he understands that but he still pushes boundaries. They’re kids, they learn over time. Patience and communication girl, good luck.
I get what your saying . she’s getting three different set of rules and shes 3 . she can’t take it . i say set everyone down
Let them know what the rules are . if they can’t be on bord . Then find someone also who will be on bord wt one set of rules . This is not just being 3 . This is from having 3 different sets of rules . If no one can keep to one set . Then find someone who will .
My daughter is 5. Has always been spoiled by everyone. She’s my only child. My husband and I spoil her crazy because she’s our only. But she’s a well behaved kid. Listens, picks up after herself, respectful, well mannered. It’s all about discipline & teaching them. They can still be spoiled and know from wrong to right. #parenting
My daughter’s pediatrician told me it would be a battle of wills with her. That I should stand my ground, unfortunately I didn’t stand strong enough. She’s decided her childhood was “shitty” and now won’t speak to me. BTW, I was a single parent, working full time and when she was 9 I went back to school. Some kids are just like that.
I know in your post it says you dont want to hear it…but she really does sound like a typical toddler/preschooler. And just because she throws tantrums for you at home and not daycare/with grandparents, does not mean she is “spoiled”. She feels more comfortable letting out her frustration at home, in your presence. She has such big strong emotions, most likely is still learning what they are for herself, and has trouble communicating. I’m sure it frustrates her as much as it sounds like it does you.
And this is coming from a mama who’s oldest is almost 6 and is just learning this herself! I wish I had understood that lesson when she was younger. It’s slow progress with her, but reminding myself her age helps SO much.
Turn pick up into a game (Simon says or I spy), or make a toy jail where she has to earn back toys you pick up by super simple chores or helping you with something.
If she starts having a melt down, try getting down to her level and let her get it out. Once she calms down, talk to her about it. Tell her it’s okay to get upset. Help her figure out a better way to process that emotion instead of a tantrum.
lmfao… umm thats NORMAL. My 6 yr old daughter was and is the same. She isnt spoiled at all. It’s basically a phase that comes and goes.
My kids always want hugs and affection. Never deny your kids that ever. Teenagers throw the same fits about cleaning rooms as well and will refuse to love you back.
My daughter still hates her hair done. still gets moody about things.
I feel sorry for your child to have a mother that just doesn’t want to give love 100% and thinks its spoiling her child to hug too much. Dont have another child. You just don’t sound ready to even have a kid or more.
Mom of 4 here.
6yr D, 8yr S, 12 yr S, 13yr D
When it comes to picking up toys, try making a game of it and you do it together and count as you put each item away! Or say one for you and one for me! Good luck, stay strong and don’t let her be in charge!
Yea i go through it now just be stern its hard and takes time but stick to your guns. If she wont pick up toys dont do it put her in timeout or take away tv or tablet or toys even. It worked for me i even told her if she picked up toys she could watch a movie. All kids are different so do what you have to but while shd is poo icking up toys be sure to go all out cheerleader and be extra when she is done. It may take alot to get her to finally do it but once she does it and see how excited you get and high fives and good jobs and whatever you do to show it she will love it watch. My kid is hooked on helping with chores now bot that we dont give her positive reinforcement all day she is just my 1st and well loves extra extra attention lol you just have to find a way to work her spoiled behavior into more positive behavior. It takes patience and alot of frustration but you’ll get it. Spoiled kids are hard i know lol good luck hope i helped
I mean… keep asking but yeah welcome to toddler years. My daughter is almost 5 and she still whines and gives me a zillion hugs and asks me to help her clean up her room and toys. She’s a baby… make it a game … make it fun Ma … lol and stop stressing the small stuff and enjoy the toddler years, they go by fast!
Threenager to the max! Just wait for the fucked up fours! My son is five, has a speech disorder and is always frustrated with cleaning or not getting what he wants. Its about setting boundaries and rules being consistant with punishment or rewards and not blaming others in your childs life for their behaviour. She is most likley immitating you and taking cues from you when your inconsistant children learn that maybe today she was mad and said no but tomorrow you may be lenient so stick to your guns and ignore the crying by actively ignoring your child. No hugs no talking no acknowledgement until the behaviour is over
Consistency from you is key. Be firm and compassionate. You are her example. She is also three so this will happen. You need to establish a baseline for age appropriate expectations. That is all.
They are only little once. I’m learning to just go with it. Haha my daughter is 2 and she has been spoiled by everyone I know. My in-laws and my side of the family. You will miss it. Lol I have a son who’s 8. They grow outta it.
I doubt that daycare is spoiling her. Maybe they have a better way to get the kids to pick up their toys.
Just continue to be consistent with her and asking her to pick up her toys, as for doing her hair, my sister did that right up until she was 5 or 6, she may just have a sensitive scalp maybe try a softer brush? Try making these things into a game for her so she learns to enjoy doing those things. Continue to be patient and understanding and consistent and she will catch on. Sometimes it can take a while. You’re doing a great job and I understand your frustration. I hope things start to improve soon 
I’m so disappointed in the feedback from these mothers. Telling her she’s the one with the problem. That she’s stressing her kid out. That she shouldn’t have anymore children. You’re disgusting. I SAID IT!!! Her asking for some help, insight or advice doesn’t warrant you bashing another mother who is clearly trying to do what she thinks is best. If she wants her 3 year old to understand simple rules and requests- that doesn’t mean she’s trying to take this child’s innocence away. My heart hurts for this Mom who came her seeking some help.
To the Mom:
I’d explain to those who are “spoiling” her that it’s causing confusion for her in your home. That these things are not allowed or not given regularly by her parents and you’d appreciate their help in raising her by being a united front.
In regards to cleaning; there was an awesome example by someone earlier. Make it a game. Perhaps she may want to pick up that toy again to play with you. But explain that when you are both done playing, that you both need to put them away afterwards. It will become routine that she may put them back without even thinking about it in the future.
I found a wonderful article a long time ago with my son (who is now 14) that when they can’t find their calm… to turn off tv, music and sit with them. Put them in your lap and hold them tight (so not to have them harm you or themselves with flailing) and just say relaxing things to her until she can center herself. No need for retaliating. Just forcing you both to sit quietly.
I hope this helps in some way.
Buy some earphones and ignore that crying…thats what parenting classes say! Even when they cry so hard they throw up. If u dont allow this natural process to run its course…she learns crying gets her what she wants and that she can manipulate you. Honestly kids are like animals that need to be trained…she is learning that crying works on some people. She needs to know it wont work on you! You can do it…cuz if u dont you will still be doing it in 10 years. BEWARE!! Toddler phase is just like the beginning of puberty…nip it in the bud now!! #forewarned is forearmed!!
The 3s are horrible. Lol 4s are worse, i say give it time. About 20 years she might even out a lil lol
All of these ignorant comments. For you all saying maybe she shouldn’t have anymore children, maybe y’all shouldn’t 🤦 Three year olds are clearly smarter then any of you think…
Can people stop pretending like it’s the end of the world to diciplin a child? As parents it’s our job to raise our children to be productive members of society and yes, spoiling a child WILL mess that up if theres no form of diciplin in the childs life. A childs personality is basically set by the time their 4 to 6 years old and they need some form of structure by the time they’re able to understand what no means. Yes, toddlers are toddlers and they will act like toddlers but as parents we need to teach them that certain behaviors aren’t ok. No, I’m not saying that we need to beat our kids into submissive lumps of flesh with broken spirits and fear to do anything in life BUT dont pretend that you’ve never seen a child acting out and thought to yourself that that kid needed more diciplin in their life. We all love to protect the babies but we all have something to say about that 10 year old cussing out their parents and acting like they weren’t raised in a home by parents instead of wolves. Kids need diciplin and theres plenty of different forms of that, that’s why this page exists to give our advice and help our fellow moms be the best mom that they can be. We need more support in here and less bashing.
She has a speech delay, so that contributes to communication struggles.
She is 3. Study up on the development of a three year old. They scream, the throw fits, and are learning about controlling the life around them.
Lower your expectations and make clean up fun. Take toys away that she won’t clean up.
We have expectations that aren’t always realistic when we just start out in the parenting world. Nothing needs to be perfect and let her be 3. Give her space for her tantrums and throw away what she won’t clean up with. And sometimes, with little kids, you really need to break their tasks down for them. Go clean your room is too much for a three year old. But, breaking it down in to steps is realistic and obtainable.
There is always what they call time out when if they don’t do as you say make her sit or in the corner of the house for a few minutes some time that hurts them to the point that they do what you say
Lmao sounds like a typical 3 year old to me…
Dude. She’s three. Yes. It’s going to happen. You are raising a child. There is no magic switch to flip. Before putting her in therapy maybe try parenting classes.
If you want them to stop spoiling her then make a video showing them her reactions when you ask her to do things. If they see her throwing tantrums about picking up toys or freaking out about her hair done and maybe they will realize that they need to be more strict with her too.
Children are supposed to be spoiled
Wow! You’re right on track to pass your neurotic tendencies on to that poor kid! She’s THREE!!! WTF? Why do women even become mom’s if they don’t know what to expect? You all seem to have this vision of perfection and then throw tantrums when it’s not what you expected. Then you wonder why you’re kids turn out so crappy. DUH!!! So you’re taking her to doctors and trying to get her labeled? You most likely just want her doped up so you don’t have to deal with her. Shitty mom to say the least!
She’s a toddler, what exactly is it that you expect from her? Discipline her. She’s not spoiled, she’s still learning right from wrong, which is why you need the discipline.
It’s normal, trust me. My solution was to make everything a game. Make it super fun to clean up toys. Or just sometimes start sweeping them up and tell her if she doesn’t pick them up they go in the garbage. 🤷 You can’t ever expect a child to act like a mature person. It just won’t happen. YOU as the parent just need to come at things from a different angle. I personally just try to make everything fun- it worked for me. Because my daughter was the same way. Took be a whole 6 months to a year to establish it fully too. She’s about to be 4 now and generally listens to what I say because I respect her. I respect her- she respects me because of it. Every time you feel stuck ecspecially as a new parent- Just committed from a completely different angle and usually it helps. You just can’t have any expectations for her. I’m not saying that you’re wrong exactly- I’m just saying that you really are expecting way too much out of a three-year-old.
Make it a game. Works 100%of the time with my 4yo. Set a timer and say we have 1 minute to pick up all of the toys before the time ends. Make it exciting and fun… sometimes that’s all they need. Even offer a small reward if she gets it done before the timer ends. (Lollipop, sticker… etc.)
Also, if you give into things, she will ALWAYS throw a fit Cos she knows you’ll give in. NEVER cave. Say no and explain if she stays calm and doesn’t throw a fit that she will get whatever she’s asking for when you’re ready to give it to her… then completely ignore the crying/tantrums… don’t acknowledge it at all.
You may not want to hear it but she is only 3. Even if she didn’t have delayed speech, she would still have trouble expressing her feelings and these tiny terrorists don’t know how to regulate ANYTHING!! As far as cleaning up her toys. You said that you tell her and then she’ll do it for a bit and then just start walking off…GUESS WHAT? SHE’s 3!! Her attention span is that of a gnat and will be for a while. It sounds like you are trying too hard to have a perfect kid when this entire time you have a kid perfect for you. I’m not a medical professional but I did have PPD and I would get frustrated like this sometimes until I figured it out. Maybe go talk with someone
Okay I know you said you don’t wanna hear this but clearly you need to hear this… She’s 3! Welcome to parenthood! Welcome to toddlers! They cry over EVERYTHING. It has nothing to do with being “spoiled” and everything to do with her age and the fact she is nonverbal. We’ve proven that children who can’t communicate verbally are more inclined to emotional outbursts because they can’t express themselves and it’s very frustrating for them. It sounds like your daycare and your parents just have more patience and understanding with her than you do. Hugging a child isn’t spoiling them??? Like why is that even an issue? Positive reenforcement is how you get small children to do what you want them to do and again, physical contact - like a hug - is one of the tools she has for expressing herself and she’s using it. I think maybe you might need to do some reading. I recommend authors Rebecca Eanes, L.R. Knost and… There’s a third that I can’t think of at the moment but that’ll get you started in the right direction.
She’s 3. You’re expecting far too much from her
She has plenty of time to learn these things. She’s still a baby. Maybe the misses you and needs you.
Wow. Eff all of you bashing her for asking. She clearly said she’s a first time mom. Obviously she doesn’t know what’s normal and what’s not. We all know 3-4 year olds are assholes. It’s part of them growing up. But we also know, if you don’t nip it in the butt now, that they turn into 10-11 year old assholes. And nobody wants that shit either! Be nice! And to you mama, make it clear what your expectations are for your child. Children crave routine and boundaries, even when they fight back. You asking for advice already proves you’re doing a great job! Just keep being persistent. Bravo for being a concerned parent about how to raise your kid.
My Mom used to tell me “don’t spoil them” and “Don’t pick up the baby every time he/she cries”
Pssh… I picked up my babies and my children ever time they cried. It’s my job as the Mom to make sure they always knew they are loved, protected and safe.
Lol I spoiled and still spoil the crap out of my children (26, 24, 16 & 10) and my granddaughter (4). They are all amazing well adjusted people.
You cannot spoil a child with too much love, affection or attention.
“Bad” spoiled, is different, a child that is allowed to be rude, unappreciative and/or disrespectful, needs corrected.
But if all your child wants is to have a bazillion extra hugs lol while attempting to delay picking up toys I think you’re okay Mama and doing a great job.
I would ask the daycare what method they use for cleaning up toys. I used to sing the same song my kids head start teacher would sing for clean up time & they loved it. I try to follow the same routine so they don’t have to switch. Your parents are a different story. I’m sure they are just loving her & not thinking that she is “getting away” with anything. They figure she’s only 3 and most of us still consider that a “baby-ish” stage.
3 year olds aren’t helpless. Mine used to do this. We still have bad days, but we all do. When she throws a tantrum and is unintelligible, I tell her that screaming and mumbling is not the right way to communicate, and to use her words. If I can’t understand a word she is saying I ask her for a different one, or to describe it to me. We get there. 9/10 times I get her to clean up her toys by asking her to, and redirecting her when she gets side tracked. Being organized has actually helped a lot, and separating bins are great tools. She knows now if she wants to play with her magnets, that she should keep them away from her ponies, because otherwise she has to tear everything out that she wants, and that creates a huge mess she has to clean up. Have a few rules for the grandparents, but LET THEM spoil her. It’s their most enjoyable job, and they’ve earned it. I just ask my dad to limit junk food, and don’t let her walk all over him. It’s not cute or prescious. Be consistent, don’t let her get her way through fits and manipulation, and extend a little grace and patience. They’re more capable than adults think they are. But they’ll take you for a ride if you let them. Good luck mama.
First, you need to learn about the developmental stages of children. It will help you out as your child gets older as well. Find resources to learn this: parenting classes in your area, books, videos, etc. Second, understand that your little one is acting normal for her age and with her speech development issues. All you can do is be consistent with your behavior and what you expect as far as her responsibilities. The key is to NOT expect her to behave like an older child that has better development and processing skills.
Haha my son is the exact same way 
I will ask him nicely to please do something and he’ll yell no at me all day and even hits me !!! It’s like it’s just a phase that they go through , gotta go through the little shit phase 🤦
I think probably you are the one that needs therapy.
This seems very typical for a 3 yr old’s behavior.
She sounds totally normal to me.
i agree with everyone saying “she’s 3, she’s a toddler” of course she’s going to be FULL of emotions at this point especially being behind in speech. kids are like that, mine isn’t even half a year old but i grew up with my nieces and nephews and i mean yeah, they don’t really listen, but make games out of shit. don’t just force her to be an adult at 3 almost 4 years old. give her a chance. if you’re just demanding all the time she’s probably gonna grow up to resent you. try teaching her like a child, because she IS a child. give her a break and i’m sure she’ll give you one too. but to those of you saying “you’re lucky to have parents to care for your kid” yeah, some of us are very lucky to have a parent or parents that love and care for our kid. but that doesn’t mean they get to just spoil the kid, i’m sorry but no. my mom knows how i want things to go, my mom raised me to understand NO, and to pick my shit up otherwise it got thrown away. and i have 3 older siblings. i love my mom, and i loved my dad too. when he came home, if shit wasn’t put up and the house was a disaster because of me and my siblings we got our asses whooped. no matter our age.
Do you model behavior for her? Like when you ask her to pick up her toys do you help? I think you should check yourself and your expectations.
Try a 5 min warning timer for transition to a non preferred activity and see if that helps.
Lol this is not how a 3 year old acts my daughter 2 and she will pick up her mess and toys when told and she will cry maybe sometimes during hair time she is spoiled by her dad and will act out when he gets home I will just say hide the toys don’t throw them
Watch supernanny on YouTube
Just because you ask calmy and or even politely doesn’t mean a kid will respond like an adult! That is typical child behavior. Stop thinking that your child with a child’s brain should act like an adult!
I think you’re the one who needs the help! You’re expecting a 3 year old to behave older than she is! Honestly I would hate to be raised in a house with a warden instead of a mom and that’s exactly how you’re acting. Everything you explained sounds like normal behavior for a child that small to me.
I know you don’t wanna hear it. But she’s 3! How is this the daycares fault in any way?
If she has a speech delay, then communication is very difficult and could be an indicator for other developmental delays. Be patient. Kids don’t listen well at this age to begin with, so don’t put too much pressure on her. Make it a game, break it down into easy steps, and hug her as much as she needs (you can’t get these days back, appreciate every hug). As for the hair…if there are developmental delays, sensory issues go hand-in-hand. She may just be throwing a tantrum, or she really could have some sensitivity issues. You’ll have to feel that one out. In the meantime, learn a little ASL to help with communication. I promise, you will not regret it.
First time mom… Yes, I can tell 
My daughter was also an excessive crier
We had a quiet chair in the quietest corner of the house. When she cried for no reason. She had to su in the chair only until she stopped
Once she spoke I asked her why she was crying. Her answer wad because she liked it
SMH she is still so little and has alot of emotions. You can’t expect her to jump when you say, she’s learning. Sounds like a normal 3 year old to me. Seems I you want her to grow up faster than she should.
It’s hard at first. Teaching them how to clean up will turn into a chore. Lol. Make it fun tho. The spoiling thing. There’s certain areas that will show. Crying ridiculously if shes not getting a snack before dinner. But as far as playing you? I doubt that. Attention span of a child is short. Their all over the place lol so make cleaning fun.
An there’s no talking to a toddler. When shes older yea.
I dont want to make you mad or doubt yourself in any way. People have been parents since the beginning of time and there is still no book lol.
I seriously feel like you need time to yourself.
My kids cry when they dont get what they want. An there’s a wall that they dont cross. We say no then no.
I feel like your having resentment and as harsh as that may sound. Were still individuals that need to take care of ourselves.
You are describing the typical behaviour of a 3 year old whether you want to hear it or not! Make things like cleaning etc a game 
shes not “playing you” !!! you need a day to yourself Momma! You’re wound up pretty tight!
Punch them all in the face.
So your kid is being a normal 3 year old and not wanting to do things, you feel like because of that you’re failing as a mom so instead of trying to do better you’re just blaming daycare and grandparents spoiling her
Newsflash your child is FINE there’s nothing wrong with her it’s just a phase even though you don’t wanna hear it that’s literally just a 3 year old being a 3 year old, you’re not a bad mom, she isn’t too spoiled, she’s absolutely fine she’s just got a case of the 3 year olds
Sounds like typical “threenager” behavior if you ask me
My daughter was the same way at 3 and so where most of my daycare children. 3 is an hard age, they want to be big and in charge but they aren’t.
Just take each day one at a time. I used to say " I’m sorry that makes you sad, but its what you need to do." Then give it a bit and say " okay, your all done crying now." I would just keep reminding them gently that it was time to be done crying until they stopped.
No child likes to pick up their toys, it’s no fun, I would put her toys in different bins and only allow 1 bin at time to be out, when she’s done she has to put them back before she can have another 1.
Ask your pediatrician about her speech, she may be fine and just having a hard time expressing her self cause she’s still really little.
They say that odd numbered ages are the hardest and even numbered are the easiest. Kind of found this to be true with mine.
Just enjoy her and let your parents and other Ppl do what they do, she’s not spoiled she’s just 3. Trust me she’ll grow out of this faze and go into another one😉
First of all, let me say this: when your child wants picked up, PICK HER UP. If she wants your love, give it to her. Now that I have that out of my system. Make clean up a game. Interact with her. Repeat things to her. My son is younger than her and he helps me clean up? Want to know why? Cause I make it fun. They learn by watching YOU. Not by you telling them to do something and expecting them to just do it. Her behavior is typical of any toddler. Honestly, from what I’m reading, it sounds like she’s acting out because she wants your attention. She’s used to getting it from others but she wants it from you. You’re mommy. Enjoy her wanting love now because soon she won’t seek it anymore. I’m not at all saying you’re a bad mom, but holding your child isn’t going to spoil them.
You said you don’t wanna hear “It’s just her age”, so I won’t say it… But I will say is I have a 3year old girl also. I also have difficulty getting her to do anything and everything she’s told. Yesterday while shopping I wouldn’t let her open a packet of Balloons that were for her sisters Birthday. She threw her first tantroom while out (It was huge) and I had to surfboard carry her out of the shopping centre. This was not because she gets things when we are or out nor because she is spoilt. It’s common for the age to test boundaries. I kept to my no and ended shopping trip for her. We pick up toys together. If I ask my daughter straight out it’s refusal. If I say “let’s clean up” I have a better chance. It must be hard with communication, but Pehaps asking her to show you what she means may help. I have never seen a childcare spoil a child. Maybe you are expecting too much from her?
She’s three and not feeling your love. Not trying to bust your chops but I’m very familiar with your situation because I was once there. She feels like everyone else loves her but you. Give her as many hugs as she needs. Make picking up her toys a game. You’ll both be happy!
I get what your going through. But it is a stage. Had a similar problem with my inlaws. I moved two hour away and it got better for a month and went right back to it. My 2 year old is advanced, people think she’s going to school soon so I get dirty looks when she does it in public.
Little girls cry when they get their hair done. They have a reason to cry. It hurts. To make matters worse, they have no control over what you are doing. When you go to the stylist doesn’t it occasionally hurt when they pull at a certain spot. I’m very tender headed, an it hurts. Keep the hair style simple until she can do the first comb through on her own. All the other stuff might be cute, but she’s not a doll. Tie her hair back at might so it gets less tangled. As for hugging her, do it. It doesn’t matter if it’s 40 times while you want her to pick up toys. That’s how she knows you care about her. She is not a miniature adult. She can’t think things through logically. You are expecting way too much from a 3 year old. Blind obedience is not going to happen. What you see as other people spoiling her sounds like them trying to make up for your lack of affection and understanding. I’m sure you love your daughter, but you are not looking at things from her point.
I know you don’t wanna hear this is normal 3 year old behavior… but it’s normal 3 year old behavior
Even though you don’t want to hear the truth is she is acting like a normal 3 year old. They cry bc they don’t know how to control and express there emotions like adults. If she does not like her hair being brushed and done then she will NEVER be use to it. If she cries every time you do that you need to find the reason why instead of assuming it’s just bc she is spoiled
You need to remember little person big emotions. She is figuring everything out she still has that feeling of need and cuddles that a baby had but trying out her independence as well.
I hated getting my hair brushed as a kid by certain people because they didn’t know how to do it without hurting me.
Your kids not spoiled your problems is your kids not the robot perfectly child you want.
It’s you that needs to learn
Oh bless her little soul wanting mommy cuddles even if it is to stall, give the reassurance needed. Her little brain isnt at full capacity as well as memory that of a flea so shes going to start and then get distracted. Help her clean up, you are afterall the parent and should show in actions what you would like done, they are more visual learning at this age rather than hear nag nag nag. Do a game how many can u pick up vs me.
As for the word no and not responding accordingly, she is three i dont know any three yr old that appreciates the word no! That again is the development process, when you say no you mean no, let her cry it out, crying wont hurt her, in fact she may wear herself out and have a peaceful nap and time for mum to have a cuppa. The more consistent you are with NO and following thru which btw is on your end to learn, the sooner she will learn no means no and the carrying on will eventually become less and less. Keep in mind she is only 3 shes only been alive 3 years her brain is not that of a tween or teenager so the expectations cannot be of that rather age appropriate.
Remember the saying what happens with grandma stays at grandma’s. Grandmas will always spoil their grand child, it’s their second chance at it and learnt from having you what they could do differently, let them. An extra bickie or a new toy or loads of cuddles is not spoiling. Getting a 3 yr old their own guess handbag and louis vutton glasses is more on the lines of spoiling! Good luck, just relax and dont take it all so seriously, you cant get these times back so just go with the flow as they progress each year also maintaining rules and boundaries but teaching them in a more age appropriate manner and lower your expectations because if she has to meet these at 3 shes gonna have a much harder life meeting your expectations as she is older which will only lower her self esteem and push you away.
Also try putting a detangle spray to help with the smoothness of brushing hair and go gently, it wouldnt feel nice if its being ripped out and pulled by the roots on a new sensitve head only being 3 again consisitency on being gentle and slow and she gain trust over time that its not so bad and doesnt hurt but YOU have to maintain it until she no longer cries as its probably a fear from at some point it hurting her.
Um.
I’m 34 and have a tantrum when I have to do something I don’t want to do. I cry “for no reason” and I HATE having my hair touched my anyone but me…maybe I need behaviour therapy too 
Sounds like completely normal behavior for a 3 year old, they are not always going to be compliant at that age. That may not be what you want to hear but it’s the truth.
You might not want to hear it but it’s the truth - toddlers are typically tyrants, no matter how much you try to change that, you can only start early to correct the behavior effectively & try to keep a calm, patient demeanor regarding it. It’s a phase all children go thru, trust me, you guys will survive
That’s what 3 year olds do🙄
You will never survive the teenage years😂
are you serious?! SHE’S THREE!! If she wants hugs GIVE HER A HUG!! They grow fast so cherish her little hugs while you still can. Poor baby 
I also have a three year old daughter. It only took a calm talk and explanation as to why I want her to pick up her toys. They’re little sponges and soak up information. They’re allowed to cry because if you didn’t know, toddlers feel emotions too.
Help her, pick the toy’s up with her, make it a play date then out to lunch her favorite place.
All three of my grown kids did that from age 2 to even now. My grandson is now 2, doing it. And so is the neighbors son, age 3. It’s what they do. And it goes from crying to whining when they get older. Geez my husband even does it. But of you wanna waste your money on therapy, go right ahead.
Therapy will be more beneficial to you, as a first time mom, than your almost 4 year old. Her behavior is absolutely normal.
Sounds like she’s 3.
You say you don’t wanna hear because she’s three that’s what’s gonna happen but I’m here to tell you that she’s three and speech delayed, that’s what’s gonna happen.
I Bet You Were Totally Unprepared For The Response Your Post Is Getting
I hate when that excuse is used (she’s only 3).
A three year old still needs to pick up after herself. Or at least help. My mom was like this with my son who is now 12. He wants me to do everything for him. Stay firm. Raise her how YOU want, not everyone else. I agree with you.
Well, you don’t wanna hear it, but I am going to say it. She is 3!!! Totally normal. I have 5 kids. Hell, My almost 8 year old cries sometimes when I tell her to clean her room. Not sure what you feel is appropriate for a 3 year old, bit she is acting accordingly. Welcome to motherhood and the wonderful 3’s.
She sounds like my son speech and all. It seems normal.
You can intervene, give her chores. Have a democratic household. Let her know that other people’s feelings are just as important as her own. I was spoiled by my religious grandparents until I was 7. Transferred to my dad and his new wife. Democratic household. I had chores. Don’t be afraid to confront her boldly. She needs this. She needs boundaries. Hope this helps
I know you don’t want to hear it, but that’s a typical 3 year old. You’re trying to use the logic and reasoning of an adult. Your child is just that, a child. You said she cries until she gets what she wants. That means you are only reinforcing her behavior by giving in and giving her what she wants. Stop giving in. Deal with the fits. You don’t need a doctor. You need to read some books on child development.
That’s a normal 3 year old. Wtf would it need therapy for? Are you on drugs?
So sad. You need therapy, not your child. She’s being a very normal/typical child for her age. You need help, it’s hard, but don’t blame your child, and don’t blame others. Get help for yourself, soon.
she’s 3… that’s a 3 year old. 4 year olds, too. Sometimes 5 as well… about 6 they start sort of listening, every once in awhile, ish. just wait until puberty. You’re gonna miss the CRAP outta these terrible 3 year old hugs.
Seriously though, just appreciate it & take it all in. It goes by so so fast. Good luck.
She really needs to go in daycare where there is discipline. The grandparents have to understand this behavior WILL RUIN her as an adult. I have several friends that had this exact same problem and now have grown kids throwing tantrums. It is truly unreal. This IS NOT a toddler problem
I have found that three is the hardest age. They are starting to have their own opinions and emotions, but don’t have the skills to process and express them yet. I haven’t met a three year old that wasn’t super emotional. Just give it time mama, it gets better from here.