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"My 13 year old daughter has a boyfriend at school and he has come to our house a few times now. He is so sweet and respectful, a really good kid. I have noticed that he gives lots of gifts to my daughter as well as both my sons. Today, my daughter gave me a watch to give to my husband from him. He said it was too big for him and maybe my husband would like it. I think it is so so sweet that he is very giving, but I worry that it is becoming too much and I want to approach the whole thing carefully because I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Also, because he lost his father pretty tragically about a month ago, I can’t stress enough how careful I want to be with this. Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!"
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Maybe it’s his love language, and so he does it cause it’s how he feels loved."
"Maybe his love language is acts of service. Treat him to something nice, maybe even your husband taking him out with your sons to spend time together"
"I would talk to his mom. Befriend her and make sure she knows he’s giving things away. I’m sure she is the one who has paid for everything."
"He’s grieving … talk to his mom. She may not realize he’s giving away all their stuff"
"He is grieving. Maybe his love language is giving, which helps him feel better. Maybe you should talk to his mother instead of him. She will probably be able to talk to him better because she knows him. She might not even know he’s doing that. Just have a nice talk with his mom and let her know you think he’s a very sweet kid, and y’all are grateful for him giving y’all that stuff, but say you feel like he is giving too much and you don’t want to feel as if you’re asking for it."
"I’d guess that it’s his way of coping with losing his dad. He’s trying to get the feel-good hormones released and gets those from giving gifts. Maybe take him out to dinner or do something for him. I wouldn’t say anything about the gifts. Just try to help him feel included in y’all’s family and give him other ways to get the release of endorphins and other feel-good hormones."
"I’d definitely speak with his mom. He probably has a whole lot going on his mind."
"While I can see where you’re coming from, everyone grieves differently and this may be his way. Let him know that you and your husband are there for him and that he can talk about whatever he needs/wants to with you both."
"Maybe you should get to know his family… their love language, in general, could be gift-giving. He could just be showing in general overall his appreciation for your family and it could also stem from the mother, I know in my family “don’t show up without a gift” was something that came from my grandmother. Doesn’t have to be expensive but definitely something to show where you stand. I know a lot of people like that. You could also mention to his mother just that you’re not used to the gesture and don’t want to make it seem like you’re always taking? Idk…"
"First I would say try to talk to his mom before talking to him. Maybe she can give you some advice better than we can. Seeing as how she knows her son. But if that doesn’t work maybe just tell him that you guys really appreciate all the gifts but he doesn’t have to buy your love and attention. That you all like him with or without gifts"
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