My daughter just turned 17 and I feel some of her friends are taking advantage of her. Back story: My daughter had a job for almost a year and saved over $4000 and quit to go to another job but that didn’t work out. She was saving for the future (car, apt etc). She is currently looking for more work. We didn’t make her pay any bills except her phone payment and phone insurance. We pay her phone bill. I’m going to call her third friend Sam. She is the one I’m having the most issues with. Well 2 of her friends don’t have jobs and rarely have money and Sam works but has to give her dad majority of her check. The 3 of them come over a lot and I’ve been noticing my daughter ordering door dash for all of them because they don’t want what we have here. There’s more that my daughter buy but majority is door dash and crub hub. That’s even after I go to the store and ask what they want. Sam is very picky and says she doesn’t like this or that. I found out the other day my daughter spent $50 on just food from door dash for all of them. Then they went skating the other day and sam told my daughter she had to buy because she didn’t bring her card. She only spent like $6. Sam wanted my daughter to go back up and get more but my daughter refused. My daughter has refused to buy some stuff. I just told my daughter recently I do not want her buying door dash again and if Sam can’t come over with money then she can’t come over period. We recently got Kings Island passes and I told my daughter that Sam has to bring her own money. My daughter has a work card and a step card that I can send her money on. How do I make sure Sam brings her own money when she comes over and when she goes to Kings Island with us? Or am I over stepping boundaries because my daughter is 17? My husband (my daughters dad) says we need to let her learn but I can’t just sit here and let them continue to take advantage until my daughters money is gone. Sorry if I’m rambling and it’s so long but I’m so irritated with her friends.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my daughters friends are using her - Mamas Uncut
Wasn’t this already discussed in prior posts ?
Ughh that’s tough but definitely need to have conversations with your daughter. That is not ok! Tell her to put her money away for a few weeks and see if these “friends” step up or even continue coming around.
I would be irritated too and I would just politely tell my daughter that occasionally having to buy a good friend food or something is ok but not regularly if the same is not reciprocated. It would be different if they both bought for each other but if it’s one sided then yes I think she’s taking advantage.
Have her do a test . Stop paying for stuff and say her money is all gone and see if they still come around.
She is still 17 not 18 and I think you are doing right I would contact sams dad with the invite and let him know she needs to bring money or not go
I feel like I’m having sort of the same problem. But my girl is noticing it to and slowly staying a distance from these friends Sam Your daughter has to feel it. It’s tough but that’s how she will learn what friends are about.
I would tell the friend she can come but has to bring her own money , but I do recall being a teen and helping my friends out or them helping me out if one was short.
Sit down with your daughter and talk. Maybe if you Explain the situations your seeing yourself she will see where your coming from. It’s hard to sit back and watch your daughter get taking advantage of. Hopefully she sees your point of view and why you’re concerned. Maybe things will change and she will stop letting them do it.
If she’s not handling her money properly than it is up to you to teach her. But teach her finances not just state don’t give your friends money. Once she understands finances she will be able to make better choices
I’m sorry but why are the parents here worrying about what her friends like to eat? They need to go home and eat!! They sound like hangers on.
Well I think since she’s coming into your house and you are taking your daughter and her friends places u ask all of them if they got money for there own enjoyment and food … If not say sorry u can’t come … And tell your daughter to learn and say no … I know its hard cause she has a good heart but its a learning experience cause then she’ll realize who is her real friend
It’s a very hard lesson to learn that your so-called friends are using you. You can’t really tie her own money up. You CAN start “charging” her “rent”… putting that money into an account for her first place. She needs to learn to say no to her friends. Or she will be broke AND alone.
I know what you mean.Being her Mom,you do not want people to use her kindness for weakness.#STOPHER #Now!!
I had user friends I was blind I had to learn the hard way the only way to learn if what will happen if she tells them there is no more money what they wold do, or hold on to her money tell her ur saving it for her to get a car
Your her mother so set rules and boundaries so she knows what being used looks like so when she’s 18 she knows right from wrong!
You should talk to this friend more often and find out why she has to give her check to her dad. Maybe there is a bad situation at home like someone has cancer and the cost is crippling them… try to get to know her better so you yourself can see what kind of person she is. Then discuss your findings with your daughter. Just be sure she really is taking advantage and has bad intentions because this could be her very best friend or this could be someone using her.
Maybe talk with your daughter about boundaries and how she feels doing her friends favors like that. I think you’re letting your own emotions dictate your daughters friendships and you should ask what she thinks/feels then go from there.
It’s tough. It’s one of two things. Either you’re exactly right or the friend truly can’t afford it. I would still tell her she’s going to need money for the trip a d stop the door dash. My son had a friend that couldn’t afford stuff and I paid for an amusement park trip for him. They were about 12 so he couldn’t have a job at that age.
I would ask if you could handle her money so her friend don’t take advantage of her. If she wants money you will give it to her for what she wants.
Sounds like she is being used by her friends
Definitely a possibility. All you can do is be there for her. Give her advice but don’t force her choices or you may end up pushing her away. Unfortunately as much as we want to protect our babies shes at an age where she’s gotta learn through her choices based on what she’s been taught and all you can do is be her support system when her choices don’t work out.
Don’t give her full reign of her money. Growing up, I never had access to my money. I was given an allowance.
Honestly if Sam is working then she knows how money works. Talk to her dad (since you know where sams money is going) about the trip and lay out the monetary expectations with her dad. Be proud of Sam for not blowing her money on drugs/alcohol and just talk to your daughter about being too nice. Sounds like Sam just doesn’t have the money since it’s going to her dad and the door dash and stuff adds up but the girls just see it as being a friend.
If Sam got mad at your daughter for refusing to buy stuff and made the friendship a bargaining piece like “if you don’t buy doordash, I’m going home” then THAT would be a problem.
That is not right !!! She is absolutely taking advantage of her and her generosity, my mom will say something to her as well
Talk to sams parents
I would sit you daughter down an have an one on one with her and keep it real with her an let her see with her own eyes what is taking place me an my daughter just went through something like this with her friends the best advice is don’t sugar coat life let ur daughter in on what’s going on and she will handle it from there
My little brother was treated like this growing up too. He realized too late they were moochers. But make sure none of those girls don’t just have a bad home situation. We both had friends who were either poor or had overly strict parents. Those friends were grateful for whatever they got though. I had one friend that her parents would give her money but would criticize or even punish her for spending it. We convinced her to buy herself something nice once and she BAWLED. She really wanted it though. It was a sweater from the clearance section for $3. I lost contact with her but hope she tore away from her parents eventually. They were also horrible about her grades. Everyone in the family was a doctor or planned to be, so they demanded she should too. But that wasn’t what she wanted. We told her we’d have her back if they complained about the sweater.
I have been in this situation as an adult. I had a co worker I became friends with started using me. As soon as I got my settlement for a back injury, she started asking for food and what not. But then she started asking for money, even her mother said I had to this for her. After I gave her some money, she started to distance herself, unless she needed money. So I took space. However as soon as I started a Convo with her after sometime she asked for more. I said no, I realized she was using me and stopped. Just have a Convo with your daughter about money and friends. It’s her money for her future and honestly Sam is taking advantage.
First, if the friend is over your house that much, have a conversation with her. POLITELY ask her if something is going on and if that’s why she doesn’t have money. Or maybe your daughter offers to spend her money, just because she pays doesn’t mean they’re taking advantage of her. You need to sit down with them young women and have a conversation.
It sounds to me like your daughter is already aware that her friend Sam is a user.
I would think we have all had friends like this and we all move on from them.
Explain to her how you know if someone is your true friend or not. Tell her to start saying no to paying for things and see if Sam sticks around.
Way to step up Mom. Help her loser. What boundaries are and give her examples. Better yet, don’t invite this particular friend.
I can assure you once your daughters money is gone so will these so call friends be …
She’s already putting her foot down honestly. She’s seeing it.
Continue teaching her what boundaries are I can remember my mom and aunts. Warning me who my friends were and weren’t. I use to think they were crazy but the older I got I could see the users clearly. You could also give her more responsibilities as for bills. I did this with one of my older sons. I had him give me $50 out of every check. I put it up for him. He was able to buy his first car with little help from me.
I mean, she’s 17. Its a lesson she will have to figure out.
Tell ur sweet daughter how u feel and continue looking out for her:yellow_heart:
pray the Lord will send her new whole heartily girlfriends:blush:
Why does she have to give most of her pay to her dad??
Maybe store some cash of her for safe keeping 
My oldest daughter is 28 and she and her friends all have good jobs. When they go out one pays and Venmo’s the others for their share. It’s just how young adults do it now.
She suggested this system to My kid (her younger sister) who just turned 18. She had the same issue as your daughter ….and she started sending them a Venmo or cashapp invoice when she paid for food or going out. They would “forget their wallet” over and over so when she started sending them a bill for what she paid for they stopped mooching. Most teenagers have a bank account now so “forgetting” their wallet or debit card is no longer an excuse. Cashapp, Venmo and Zelle is the norm.
Honestly it does seem like they are taking advantage of her. As a parent I understand talking to our kids about these issues because we want our kids to be protected. I would talk to your daughter and tell her how you see it and see if she agrees. If she sees it too then she needs to stop. If she doesn’t stop then at that point and time she knows what they are doing and still doing what they say so unfortunately at that time it’s a time to learn a lesson if she doesn’t take your advice.
Honestly when I was 14-18 my friends and We would literally take turns ordering food or driving places. She could be taking advantage
Your daughter won’t learn her lesson by you forcing her. This is the tough part of parenting young adults. You should talk to her about making sure she isn’t being used, but outside of illegal things she should be free to decide how to spend the money she works for.
She will be an adult within the next year and possibly away from you either at school or moving out. Your job as a parent is to build her up where she makes wise decisions then not just when you forbid things.
I feel like we do not know enough about “Sam.” Maybe her family truly doesn’t have the funds for her to be able to do things. I would definitely encourage my daughter to completely stop ordering food out for friends. (I’d let her blame it on me and say I’m watching her account.) With all the little extras, I’d try to find out more about Sam’s family before making sure she brings her own money. There’s been times people have paid my way when we didn’t have enough funds and times I’ve paid for other people. Making / finding new friends isn’t always easy as a teenager. Try to approach your daughter carefully and see what she says. Maybe suggest reviewing what her actual spending was for the last month. This might help her change some of the decisions she’s been making.
My daughter is the same way I wish she would stop she is generous and works hard and long hours for her money and she don’t have any friends that work at all she only 16 and works her ass off that money is for her and what she wants to buy and I try to say stuff to her about it but she just says they would do it for her and none of them have ever have money to do anything for her
You are right! If they are really her friends than they will be okay with balance. If the so-called friends get offended or make excuses they are just using her. Especially, after you offer to buy groceries they like. I’ve had to cut a lot of people off myself, over the years. Sam needs to do her part. Please, stand strong. Your daughter will thank you for it. If not right away, in the future.
Sounds like your daughter has her own boundaries and is capable of saying no. It also sounds like Sam comes from a low income family since she has to give her money to her parent for bills. Based off this you don’t have experience of growing up poor. I think you’re over stepping and you daughter enjoys spending time with her friend, even when that friend cannot afford the fun things your daughter wants to do. When I go out with my girlfriends, if I have money and they don’t I’m covering, and vice versa.
Teach her not to discuss what’s in her Pockets with her friends or a boy that’s her personal business
It is a great teachable moment. How to really manage money, how to say no, how to stand up even to “friends”. I don’t think it is over stepping because you wouldn’t have this conversation woth a 14 year old or a six year old. This is the parenting and child atage of late teens
Sometimes parents don’t know the whole story. If Sam is working but has to give her money to her Dad, maybe they are struggling. I had a friend like this when I was young. Her family of 7 ate on payday and the rest of the week ate from their orchard on their land. The parents liked to drink. I could go on but my point is, it’s not always the way we see things.
I think you are right. She doesn’t realize because she is more of a friend than they are. Her so call friend knows what she is doing. Some people will suck the life out of you.
Sounds like you’ve already talked to your daughter and need to trust her to make her own financial decisions with her own money. They are still kids needing to learn how to be financially responsible. Some take longer than others. It doesn’t sound like her friend is taking advantage of her. Sounds like your daughter is just trying to help her friend out. Not everyone has good parents like you. Maybe help Sam find a job and giver her some pointers on how to be more financially comfortable. She may not have learned those skills from her parents.
Discuss the boundaries with your daughter and then make it your business to very kindly learn more about Sam. It doesn’t sound like she’s any bother (rude, dirty, etc) other than not having money. If she comes from a shitty family there’s not much you can do other than be a safe loving place for her.
If your daughter keeps giving they will keep taking…
She will not realise till she has nothing left to give 
I think she needs new friends I hate people like that I use to have people who did me like this. My opinion she lives with u in your home so what u say she needs to go by your rules or she can move out.
I’d talk to Sam’s parent for one, and secondly, talk to your daughter about how she is being taken advantage of. Let the 3 (daughter, Sam, Sam’s parent) know that on the trip SAM will be paying her own way or she can’t come. Let them know if she wants doordash, SHE must pay, NO MORE from your daughter from here on out.
I’d sit her down and have a talk with her and tell her your point of view. And tell her that friends should be splitting things whether it’s one buys this time and another buys next time or one buys and then the other give money to cover their share.
Enjoy KI! We are going tomorrow for the first time this year 
Ask Sam to show you her money when she comes over. It’s not you or your daughters responsibility to support her friends. You could also talk to the parents of your daughters friends. Or tell them they need to pay there own way. Also, if they don’t like the food you have in your house, then they don’t eat at your house.
No. Talk to Sams parents or whoever Sam lives with. That’s just wrong to have your daughter pay her way, especially when she’s trying to save to get on her own feet. I would straight up tell her she needs her own money and a reasonable amount (enough to buy everything for herself including food and rides) or she can’t go.
I think talk to your daughter and leave it at that. I know it’s hard watching your kids get taken advantage of but she’s either going to learn a tough lesson and start having some boundaries with her friends or she’s going to be completely broke and after saving all that money up she’ll probably feel pretty defeated which is also a tough lesson but it’s all about making mistakes and learning from them. I kinda feel for Sam my parents never gave me money I worked for what ever money I did have but I had to pay for every single thing I needed regardless what it was. So I rarely had extra money to have fun with maybe Sam just doesn’t have it. Maybe do a little digging before making any decisions.
I agree with you as far as watching your daughter being used and wanting it stopped!
I wouldn’t be taking the girl 
Hmm. When I was a kid we ate what was put in front of us and didn’t complain whether we liked it or not. If snacks weren’t offered, we didn’t get any. Sam can eat what you have in the house or go home.
Sit with your daughter and talk about budgeting for needs, wants, emergencies and her future, and all the attendant costs of being an adult, like groceries, utilities, car repairs & maintenance, education of all kinds, professional memberships, charity, presents, entertainment, etc. Wait until she finds out how expensive children are!
If Sam doesn’t want the food in your house then Sam can eat before coming over or pay for her own food or wait until she gets home to eat. Also your daughter shouldn’t be telling people how much money she has. R maybe ask Sams parents for money to feed her when she comes over.
Make your daughter ‘pay bills’ and keep her money for later when she’s more mature to handle it and when her friends get tired of her being broke…
Sam could be taking advantage, but she could also just really not have money. If she has to give her parents most of her check that isn’t fair to her, but they may be low income and need it. Lots of people are struggling right now. Yes your daughter is not responsible for paying for friends food, outings etc but if she enjoys it or doesn’t mind then I’d let her. She obviously says no when she wants to as you stated, and is clearly smart if she already has a decent savings amount. I’d just let her know that some friends are not real friends and to be careful, it may be a lesson she has to learn the hard way, but you can’t just force her to spend/save her money how you want. There is multiple times I have paid for things for “friends” and then they stabbed me in the back, but I still choose to help people out because that’s just how I am, I help when I’m able. There has also been a couple times that I have turned down doing things because I didn’t have the money, and someone offered to pay for me
I’m the kind to just tell my kid straight up what I think. I will also tell them I will confront the others if it doesn’t stop.
You just need to establish the boundary with your daughter. Since she is supposed to save her money with the exception of her phone debts, tell her she isn’t allowed to pay for other things without permission from you from now on. She is still living at home and under your care/responsibility. Of course this will change when she is working full time and is older, moved out of the house, etc.
As far as the Kings Island trip, I think you should call her parents to make sure she has their permission, and then discuss what the ticket costs and that she’ll need spending money for meals etc.
Offer to hold onto the money she’s saving and then set up a plan to let her know how much she can have to spend
Think you need to tell your daughter that friends that sponge on you aren’t friends, they’re more like fleas on a dog. Sounds like this friend thinks her driendship needs to be bought.
sam has no money but so picky!! Yeah right
As the parent I would step in and tell my child’s friend that she has to bring her own spending money or she can’t come along. I would also go ahead and have a sit down heart to heart, matter of fact, very earnest talk to my child before doing this and tell her “hey, I know this is your friend but I’m concerned about some things I’ve seen happening, and as a parent I want to protect you but I also want you to make your own choices, and I will respect your choices in whatever you ultimately choose to do, but I just need you to do this one thing for me so you can also understand where I’m coming from and what I’m seeing and feeling, and it’s more so I can see if I’m wrong in what I’m thinking and feeling, and if I am, then I apologize in advance and it won’t be brought up again. But I just want you to run a little test just to see where your friendship really stands with some of your friends (and maybe even this particular friend if that’s the one you’re having the most issues with about this stuff). So how about the next time you all go and do things or they come over, I just want you to tell them you don’t have the money for something and then see if they reciprocate and offer to buy for you or pay for themselves or anyone at all instead of you paying for everything. If they don’t, I hope you can understand why I’m saying anything ay all, and why feeling like this, and that maybe your friend is using you for your money, but honestly it’s really bothering me because I know how very hard you’ve worked to save up this money, and I just don’t want you to blow it all on people who can’t/won’t/don’t ever reciprocate and are just using you for what you can buy or do for them, because I feel like they should be working too or at least splitting the expense or helping out and reciprocating every now and then when you’ve done for them. I value and trust your judgement and it’s ultimately up to you, but as a mother and parent it’s just something that’s been bothering me and I hope you understand where I’m coming from and why I’m even talking to you about this.”
But really emphasize that you don’t want to come between her and her friends, and you trust her judgement, but you also don’t want them to use her and blow all her hard earned money and be left with nothing and when the money runs out they disappear too. I mean she’s eventually going to learn regardless, but hopefully, depending on if she’s willing to test that friendship, hopefully she find out what kind of friends they truly are before she runs out of money. Let her know that you just don’t want her being taken advantage of and used and then end up with hurt feelings but you really feel that they’ll disappear when the money runs out and you would rather her run this test and get that squared away before she runs out of money and ends up broke and with hurt feelings, and let her know you truly hope you’re wrong on this issue. Hopefully, for her sake, she’ll run this little test and hopefully they’ll reciprocate and return the favor, and all will be fine. She doesn’t even have to mention it to them, but she does need to see it, and honestly, the sooner the better.
But I definitely would not be offering for her to go and especially without making it clear to the friend that she can go, but only if she has her own spending money and that you all won’t be paying for all the stuff she wants or wants to do that costs money. I’d absolutely put my foot down about that for sure so she knew that as a parent I was setting boundaries on who’s expected to pay for what and that she absolutely needs to expect to pay for her own stuff or she doesn’t need to expect to get to go and just tag along for a free ride on the hard work of others. That’ll likely clue her in that you know she’s using your daughter for money and she’ll know you expect her to pay her own way or for things or she just doesn’t get to go if she doesn’t have the money to pay for what she wants. She’ll likely want to gracefully bow out of going or she’ll suddenly find the money to pony up for what she wants to do or get, etc.
Start putting the phone money away for her as a fail safe and allow her to learn the lesson she has to learn
Congratulations to your daughter! That’s awesome. Yes she’s being used unfortunately. Help your daughter stay strong.
This is why some parents make their kids pay bills and have little to work with because when it’s gone they have something to fall back on. They will value their money more… she is generous and that’s not a bad thing, but she needs to see these trends. Have her write down how many times she’s paid versus her friends and I’m sure she will see the picture.
I feel bad that this girl is working a job at 17 and her father’s taking most of her money. I actually wonder what her home dynamic is like that the adults in her life is taking from her. I feel bad for her kind of and I feel bad for your daughter. I don’t know if she is being used per se as they were probably friends before this and doesn’t seem like she’s friends with your daughter just for free stuff. But perhaps her kindness is being taken advantage of. I think a gentle boundary would be a good start. Perhaps your daughter can say something like I worked hard to save my money and I’m trying not to spend it. When we order out and I have to pay for everyone it adds up really quick. We need to do things that are free or we need to all pay our share from now on
Nip it in the bud now. And tell Sam yourself she needs to bring her own spending money to the place.
Tell her friends if you can’t buy your own food you eat what we have. If you can’t pay your own way you can’t go to Kings Island with us till you can. Plain & simple.
She may just be offering the stuff vs being used. And i think your ex is right but I would explain your concerns plain and simple and then let her make the decision because she’s old enough to know better
She is being used. These girls will be the first ones to drop her if she doesn’t have any money to spend on them. Help your daughter understand that there are a lot of mean people in the world. Better for her to learn how to handle it now. If the girls all took turns paying it would be different.
okay so. the one that is not working and is asking is who I would be more irritated at unless her parents are not allowing her to work. The other one who DOES work but her parents make her give most of her check to THEM, I would be pissed at her PARENTS for NOT allowing her enough to get by and do her own thing. I get their motivations in trying to prepare her for reality, but unless they are saving most of that as a nest egg for graduation, there is a fine line between teaching your kid life skills and being greedy and selfish. Give the girls some grace unless or until you gain a much better understanding on their circumstances, but do put REASONABLE limits on what your daughter can and cannot do for them.
Your kid has a good heart. Dont squash it. What’s Sam’s home life like? I had a best friend who had an EXTREMELY unfortunate home life so my family and I spent a LOT of money on her but she was so appreciative. You need to make sure your daughter isn’t OFFERING and is actually being used. She is 17.
I would honestly try to point it out to her and then let it be. If her friend really is taking advantage, she will start to see. Let her know if she spends all her money on her friends she won’t have any to get her to where she needs to be. Plus, you might not have it to replace it, as her parent- which means she will be set back because of kindness. I had to learn to kindly let people know I didn’t have the money to pay their way ahead of time. If they don’t have it and I feel I can cover it, I offer at times. BUT it’s not all the time and the few friends I’m like that with return the same energy. She just needs to keep her account balance to herself and when planning to hang or do things to assert herself on the fact she has a certain amount of money to spend and it’s not enough to cover her friends way. If you tell her not to hang out with her, she will rebel.
Shes 17.
Let her do it. She’s almost an adult.
You can absolutely tell her what you feel but you can’t control her money or her friends.
They are using her. Been there done that. Once you stop paying or buying it’s amazing how those same friends don’t have time for you.
Tell her to stop paying for doordash and the other for a week or two and see where her so called friends stick around or not. Tell Sam bring your own money to spend at King’s Island or she can’t go. I always tell my kids if their friends don’t have their own money then they cant go.
She’s going to have to learn on her own. The more you worry about it and let it bother you the less of a concern it is to your daughter and at that point Sam isn’t the bad guy, you are. You’re not her banker, you’re her mom. As much as you want to expose and control you really have to hold back & let your kids do exactly what they gotta do, see for themselves and learn their own lessons imo.
My daughter turned 16 in February, she will graduate a year and a half early and she has a job, she had a “friend” that we always take on our mini vacations but the “friend” never has money… she let the girl live with us for 6 months 2 different times because her dad was in jail and bio mom is drugged up most of the time… well she stopped talking to my child because she now has a boyfriend and again lives with someone else… only wants to come around when we are going on a vacation or Whenever my daughter does something fun (concerts… movies skating ect) I told my child how I felt and she asked me to not intervene… that was last month when the girls brother overdosed and my daughter bought her a build a bear with her brothers voice in it… she then ditched my daughter at the mall so tonight I told the girl she was a shitty friend and left it at that. I’d say something to the friend.
Butt out she will learn
Nah, don’t just cut off Sam, cut them all off. Sam works at least but gives her dad $. The other two don’t even work and spending your daughters money and tell your daughter to look at everything she spends as the hourly wage and how long & much work it took her to make that $.
Its her money she worked for let her do what she wants with it and when she runs out if money then maybe she will learn her lesson…
I would tell Sam myself to bring her own money. If she can’t, than she cannot come. Make it known too her…
Stop entertaining these young ladies, if your daughter can work and save so can they. This will show their true friendship.
I wouldn’t be letting Sam come to king island until she learns to pay her way, I’d invite a family friend who your daughter gets along with or a friend who does pay their way.
Like a few others have said see what happens when your daughter stops paying, they will no longer be there for your daughter which sucks but it’s the reality of the so called friendship, it’s only there as they are using her for money
You tell the friend to make sure she brings money for herself or speak to her parents yourself.
I think you should definately tell your daughter that grub hub etc is a big waste of money & not to be splurging on that constantly for her friends if they don’t have money too. I have a somewhat different perspective on Sam though. If her parents take most of her check, they are probably low income & she may be living in a life of family stress, and not fortunate enough to have parents or a home life stable enough to be able to focus on their daughter’s future, like you are. When I was young I didn’t always have spending money, I came from a big family with a single mom, and my friends paid for me a lot of times to do things, not because I asked, but bc they didn’t want me to not be able to come along. It is very different to see your friends getting spending money handed to them weekly, as if it’s nothing…. when your parents can’t afford to just budget that in whenever you need it. Families in those situations are usually focused on survival and getting by, and don’t focus on the future as much bc they cant. In turn, their kids aren’t getting the foundation they need to be taught with saving money, etc. It’s another thing if she’s pressuring your daughter to buy things for her. That’s not right. Your daughter is honestly kind and showing how good of a friend she is, but you need to tell her that there’s a boundary & she has to be smart with her money still. If you don’t want your daughter’s friend to come on a trip with your family without money for everything, contact her parents & mention that. Also tell your daughter there’s no ordering out at home with her friends whenever there are other options to eat at the house, esp when you are offering to buy what they like. I think you are feeling the same way any mom would about it. I just don’t think you should assume that Sam not having money is her just wanting to use your daughter, unless you know that for sure🤍.
Yeah know what my daughter got used by a girl always asking her for money this girl did not work and was totally taking advantage of her it took my daughter a long time to see it my daughter just saw it a her helping a friend out then maybe two years later she noticed that girl really only talked to her when she wanted something
Let her learn the hard way.