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QUESTION:
"My daughter just turned 17 and I feel some of her friends are taking advantage of her. Back story: My daughter had a job for almost a year and saved over $4000 and quit to go to another job but that didn’t work out. She was saving for the future (car, apt etc). She is currently looking for more work. We didn’t make her pay any bills except her phone payment and phone insurance. We pay her phone bill. I’m going to call her third friend Sam. She is the one I’m having the most issues with. Well 2 of her friends don’t have jobs and rarely have money and Sam works but has to give her dad majority of her check. The 3 of them come over a lot and I’ve been noticing my daughter ordering door dash for all of them because they don’t want what we have here. There’s more that my daughter buy but majority is door dash and crub hub. That’s even after I go to the store and ask what they want. Sam is very picky and says she doesn’t like this or that. I found out the other day my daughter spent $50 on just food from door dash for all of them. Then they went skating the other day and sam told my daughter she had to buy because she didn’t bring her card. She only spent like $6. Sam wanted my daughter to go back up and get more but my daughter refused. My daughter has refused to buy some stuff. I just told my daughter recently I do not want her buying door dash again and if Sam can’t come over with money then she can’t come over period. We recently got Kings Island passes and I told my daughter that Sam has to bring her own money. My daughter has a work card and a step card that I can send her money on. How do I make sure Sam brings her own money when she comes over and when she goes to Kings Island with us? Or am I over stepping boundaries because my daughter is 17? My husband (my daughters dad) says we need to let her learn but I can’t just sit here and let them continue to take advantage until my daughters money is gone. Sorry if I’m rambling and it’s so long but I’m so irritated with her friends."
RELATED: I Saved Money For A School Trip But My Parents Say I Am Selfish For Not Sharing With My Siblings
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Ughh that’s tough but definitely need to have conversations with your daughter. That is not ok! Tell her to put her money away for a few weeks and see if these “friends” step up or even continue coming around."
"Have her do a test. Stop paying for stuff and say her money is all gone and see if they still come around."
"Sit down with your daughter and talk. Maybe if you Explain the situations you're seeing yourself she will see where your coming from. It’s hard to sit back and watch your daughter get taking advantage of. Hopefully she sees your point of view and why you’re concerned. Maybe things will change and she will stop letting them do it."
"If she’s not handling her money properly than it is up to you to teach her. But teach her finances not just state don’t give your friends money. Once she understands finances she will be able to make better choices"
"You should talk to this friend more often and find out why she has to give her check to her dad. Maybe there is a bad situation at home like someone has cancer and the cost is crippling them… try to get to know her better so you yourself can see what kind of person she is. Then discuss your findings with your daughter. Just be sure she really is taking advantage and has bad intentions because this could be her very best friend or this could be someone using her."
"Maybe talk with your daughter about boundaries and how she feels doing her friends favors like that. I think you’re letting your own emotions dictate your daughters friendships and you should ask what she thinks/feels then go from there."
"It’s tough. It’s one of two things. Either you’re exactly right or the friend truly can’t afford it. I would still tell her she’s going to need money for the trip and stop the door dash. My son had a friend that couldn’t afford stuff and I paid for an amusement park trip for him. They were about 12 so he couldn’t have a job at that age."
"Definitely a possibility. All you can do is be there for her. Give her advice but don’t force her choices or you may end up pushing her away. Unfortunately as much as we want to protect our babies shes at an age where she’s gotta learn through her choices based on what she’s been taught and all you can do is be her support system when her choices don’t work out."
"Honestly if Sam is working then she knows how money works. Talk to her dad (since you know where sams money is going) about the trip and lay out the monetary expectations with her dad. Be proud of Sam for not blowing her money on drugs/alcohol and just talk to your daughter about being too nice. Sounds like Sam just doesn’t have the money since it’s going to her dad and the door dash and stuff adds up but the girls just see it as being a friend. If Sam got mad at your daughter for refusing to buy stuff and made the friendship a bargaining piece like “if you don’t buy doordash, I’m going home” then THAT would be a problem."
"I would sit you daughter down an have an one on one with her and keep it real with her an let her see with her own eyes what is taking place me an my daughter just went through something like this with her friends the best advice is don’t sugar coat life let ur daughter in on what’s going on and she will handle it from there"
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