My husband and I were recently married. His mother came to live with us earlier this year. She’s 80. We quickly realized she could not reside inside the home with us, so she decided to purchase a camper and park it next to our house. I swear it’s been a roller coaster of hell since March. She constantly manipulates. She no longer drives, and therefore, it is up to us to take her places that she needs to go. When she moved in, we set a rule that we would give her one day during the week and one day on the weekend to run errands for her. My work schedule allows me to take her places during the day of the week. But every time I go to ask her if she needs to go anywhere she tells me no she doesn’t feel good, she waits until my husband gets home at 6 o’clock at night and expects him to take her to run errands and to the grocery store or to the BAR. And then expects us to come back and get her later in the evening. We generally try to be in bed by eight or 9 o’clock as we have younger children who have to go to school in the morning. I know that my husband doesn’t feel like doing things during the week because he works long hours so I try to make sure I make myself available to do all the things that she needs to do and she generally gets 3 to 4 days a week because she comes with me when I have errands to run. I’m very nice and respectful to my mother-in-law and I’ve tried to set boundaries not only with this issue but also with my children she goes behind my back all the time and does things after I’ve told her not to I have rules set forth and I expect them to be followed when it comes to my children and our home. My husband and I have talked, and we have both tried to speak with her. When I try to tell her no, she throws a big fit and then goes behind my back and tells her son that I was rude to her because she has places she needs to go and I won’t take her. Some days I come home from work, and I just want to be home. I don’t want to go anywhere else. We are newlyweds, and I feel like it puts a damper on things. She’s invading my space. And something else I may add she lived in Las Vegas, the fast pace lights and casinos for 40 years. Now we live in the mountains of Tennessee. My husband and I were recently married. His mother came to live with us earlier this year. She’s 80. We quickly realized she could not reside inside the home with us, so she decided to purchase a camper and park it next to our house. I swear it’s been a roller coaster of hell since March. She constantly manipulates. She no longer drives, and therefore, it is up to us to take her places that she needs to go. When she moved in, we set a rule that we would give her one day during the week and one day on the weekend to run errands for her. My work schedule allows me to take her places during the day of the week. But every time I go to ask her if she needs to go anywhere she tells me no, she doesn’t feel good, she waits until my husband gets home at 6 o’clock at night and expects him to take her to run errands and to the grocery store or to the BAR. And then expects us to come back and get her later in the evening. We generally try to be in bed by eight or 9 o’clock as we have younger children who have to go to school in the morning. I know that my husband doesn’t feel like doing things during the week because he works long hours so I try to make sure I make myself available to do all the things that she needs to do and she generally gets 3 to 4 days a week because she comes with me when I have errands to run. I’m very nice and respectful to my mother-in-law and I’ve tried to set boundaries not only with this issue but also with my children she goes behind my back all the time and does things after I’ve told her not to I have rules set forth and I expect them to be followed when it comes to my children and our home. My husband and I have talked, and we have both tried to speak with her. When I try to tell her no, she throws a big fit and then goes behind my back and tells her son that I was rude to her because she has places she needs to go and I won’t take her. Some days I come home from work and I just want to be home I don’t want to go anywhere else. We are newlyweds, and I feel like it puts a damper on things. She’s invading my space. and something else I may add she lived in Las Vegas, the fast pace lights and casinos for 40 years. Now we live in the mountains of Tennessee.
Send her to live in a retirement home…
Tell her to call a ride
This story would be short if it wasn’t posted twice.
Two words-nursing home.
I didn’t read the entire post. But I read enough to know that this sounds EXACTLY like my MIL. She was disabled and living alone, fell and broke her hip, so we ended our lease early and moved in with her. I was a SAHM so I was the one to take her shopping, but it quickly turned into an ALL DAY AFFAIR and my children were missing meals and in the car ALL DAY. It wasn’t long before I refused to take her shopping. Then, she’d also wait until the MRONING OF HER APPOINTMENTS to tell me about them. She’d wake me up at 7am telling me she has an appointment an hour away at 8am!!
Your husband needs to put his foot down and tell her no. If he doesn’t, she will continue her shit. She sounds extremely narcissistic and there’s no curing that.
I’d honestly choose an assisted living. It’ll cause added stress otherwise and make the marriage have troubles.
Why doesn’t she drive? Doesn’t sound disabled . Guess you don’t have Uber!
A bar??? Lol! Your hubby just needs to stick with the one weekday, one day on the weekend thing. Period. She eventually take the hint. Also, introduce her to Uber or a taxi company…
My grandmother is 92 and the same exact way. We had to hire somebody to take her places and help run errands for her
I think it’s time for assisted living
Taxis and Uber are good options.
Either your husband gets a voice or a retirement home
Maybe I’m the odd one out. And I get she can probably be super irritating, but try and stick it out. She will only be here so much longer. I wish my Grammy was around to annoy me still. 
Assisted living or tell her to use a taxi/uber
Have her sell the camper and get an apartment in a retirement community so she can make friends and have her needs met and go visit once a week so she doesn’t feel like you don’t care but it will give you your peace again.
She’s 80 and she probably wants to spend time with her son. So what if she goes to a bar, again…she’s 80. She’s probably lonely and feeling pretty useless, if she cant even drive herself somewhere. If you dont want to be out late call an uber. Have some empathy, she wont be around forever.
Two things , how long do you expect her to live based on her health? If she is nearing the end soon just bare with it but if this is a one two or more year thing then make other plans.
She’s 80… And I bet it’s hard giving up all of your freedom and being forced to only be able to do things once of twice a week.
Pretty sure she was feeling the same way in her younger years while raising your husband. Working, feeling tired, driving her son where he needed to go. Sounds like the time has come where the roles have been reversed. Your hubby needs to suck it up and help his mother out like she did for him, many many times before. When she passes away, he’ll feel different about all this, trust me.
You need to move her into assisted living.
She needs to be in an assisted living.or if she has other issues a nursing home
Assisted Living. She’ll have her own place and ppl to hang out with.
Have her get an uber to come back from the bars
I’d say put her in a assisted living facility because the more disrespectful she is in front of your kids to you by not following the rules, the kids are seeing that and it is only a matter of time before they follow suit.
Just make boundaries and stick with them.
Oh, to have one more day with my Mom before she passed away. It’s for your hubby to say no but there will be regrets when she passes away if you don’t get this under control. Your kids will one day have to make the same decisions. What goes around comes around.
She’s 80 and can’t drive . When you start getting older you turn into a child again. I’m not sure what you expected but it sounds like she missed her son and wants his time and attention with the time she has left . I don’t know what You expecting letting an elderly , cant drive woman to live with you ? If she had to move with you cause she can’t do for herself but you expect her to do for herself ?
Ubers, taxis great ideas. Maybe there’s a senior day program for socialization that wouldn’t require her to move. What a blessing that’s she’s still so lively and active at 80! Look into community resources for her sake. I’m sure it’s not a good feeling to be an imposition on you!!
What are the reasons she cannot live alone? Maybe find her somewhere in town ? Still close but not that close?
Two words nursing home or just deal with it cause shes 80 she loved her live and ur being rude
I worked raise 3 kids by myself took care of my mom and dad never ever thought bout putting them some where look at all the years she did for her family family is family without them we are nothing i would do it all over again it was hard tuff at times but i love them nothing in life is easy its hard but yet worth it
Sounds like she can’t really live on her own anymore and would just prefer her son’s company to yours. I don’t know why she can’t voice her opinion on that matter but it’s neither here nor there. Maybe a caregiver she likes, prefers? As far as the kids, does she watch them? Maybe you can just limit the time she’s around them or reaffirm the expectations with the kids/babysitter.
She needs to go to assisted living. They often can drive people around or she can take a taxi. She’s treating you horrible so enough is enough!
She needs to be put in an assisted living home.
Assisted living i dont care how old my mother is im not her taxi to the damn bar. I have set days i take my dad to run errands now if he isnt well or has something on another day every once in awhile fine but not a habit
Oh Lord edit this shit the story was told twice in one paragraph. And be patient one day your gonna be freakn old too. SMH!! Let her son deal with her that’s obviously who she feels comfortable with. She’s his mom. Those of you saying lock her up in a home Karma is A motha!! Wait until your kids do the same to you.
I agree with the minority of people advising you guys to just suck it up. She’s 80…you should be trying to enjoy whatever time you people have left with her instead of looking at the situation as an inconvenience… It’s probably hard for her too… to be treated somewhat like a child… And honestly she prob has no idea she’s like, offending you either… 🤷
I see a lot of people are recommending Assisted Living. Can she afford this? We recently moved my mom in and are paying $6,000 per month. If she doesn’t have the money and no assets, I believe Medicaid would help cover the costs. I’m just learning about this so if I’m incorrect please update my information. Good luck!
Lmfao I swear I was about to be as a CNA I seen 80 and was like really? But for real she seems like she is good to go. They have assisted livings she can have a drink at and such. Apparently she is too healthy for a nursing home. But idk if she has money for an assistant living but her ass ain’t living with me. 
Jk. For real tho just try and enjoy it she could be gone before she gets to go again. You’ll look back and laugh. I’m sorry that’s all I got.
I would def look into a senior living community. You could still offer up a day or two a week to run errands with her. But at least she’ll have things to do
She can follow rules like adults or go live in a home if she wants to be a child
Time to go live in a home 
Her son should set the rules. There needs to be a meeting with all 3 of you to discuss the whole situation and make the rules. Let her know that you have a life too. Once the rules are decided, your husband needs to stand firm. She is lucky you two are willing to help her. Let her know that if she is unhappy with the situation, SHE can make arrangements to live somewhere she thinks is better.
There are services to meet her needs without creating havoc in your lives. Uber or Lyft, for sure. Clear boundaries must be set. You and your husband come 1st. She obviously isn’t helpless…
Hmmmm take the little old lady to the bar and who goes to sleep at 8 or 9pm? Ok…carry on
Put her in a nursing home if it’s bothering the both of you
It is so HARD caring for an elderly parent. My 82 year old dad lives with us- in our house. He doesn’t drive either. It’s a daily battle. Few free to PM me to have someone to commiserate with.
That being said- we have an elderly bus (in pa it’s call an “access” bus) it’s reallllllllly cheap and will take them wherever their heart can dream. Maybe contact your center for aging and ask about those sorts of programs? My dad is too stubborn to ride the “old man bus” because “he isn’t old” 
Caregiver burnout is also VERY real. You have a lot on your plate with a new marriage, kids and an elderly person to care for, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
You can’t live with family. It never works. Too many emotions, attitudes, ways of doing things to be in one house. Even living “next door” would be rough. Put your foot down. She says you’re rude anyway so being firm isn’t going to make a difference from her point of view so do it. Tell her, she either sticks to the one day rule or she needs to tell you before 6 PM. That after 6pm she will need to find other means of transportation. If it is time she wants with her son. there are other ways and times to do that. There is no way my husband would work all day then come home and leave all night, mom or not. I need time with him too. Quite frankly, as his wife I come first. Many people dislike that but he makes it clear, if I disapprove or I am not ok with it, he doesn’t do it. That is ridiculous. She knows what she is doing. Yes people become “childlike” when they get older but she knows she is being inconvenient on purpose. Of course when you are the caregiver for a parent life is often inconvenient but she is being unnecessarily inconvenient. Tell her it needs to stop now or she will need to live somewhere more suited for her lifestyle and needs. You have a family of your own to care for.
Call me heartless, but the family I created comes before everyone, even the family I came from. 
It’s his mother you only get one yes it’s annoy and inconvenient but she’s 80 her days are limited and I’m sure she is aware of this as well since she has to relay on you guys for stuff just try to imagine being her just deal with it your marriage and you will still be here years after she’s gone …and all grandparents do what they want and break parents rules it’s apart of being a grandparent she just want them to love her and remember her that’s all
Lmfao! Girl, tell her to get a bike! So rude!
Well when ur husband needed her most when he was a baby when he was not able to do much so She was there for him and now when she needs her son then he should be there for him! As simple as it is and it is ur husband’s job to take care of her not urs ur job is only to respect her and out of love if u want to help ur husband then good but then don’t complain and about ur space i dont understnd she doesnt even live in ur house?
She is soo old u can easily tackle her in a nicer way in matters of ur kids
she may want more 1 on 1 time with her son which is probably why she wait until he’s home to want to do her errands… also if your so frustrated to the point of posting on a forum about it then I’d imagine your frustration is showing at home too so she may not feel as comfortable asking you since she doesn’t want to be a burden yo you personally… the kid’s thing is hard to judge since I dont know what she’s doi g behind your back- if it’s a simple thing like extra snacks I’d just let that go, she is their grandmother after all
No you don’t have to suck it up, she can go in to a nursing home or go live on her own, its not up to you to babysit her. You have a life, work and a family to raise. You shouldn’t be expected to carry her because all because shes 80 and old or lonely.
Maybe in a loving way confront her on her behavior… All of it to include the lying. Call her out on it together and then say we love you and want to know why your acting like this so we can work on it together as a team
I think you and your husband need to sit down and agree on some rules. Maybe you both can carve out certain days/times when you can take her places and give her a calender so she can plan, if its not on the calender she needs an uber or to stay home!
I am not sure how she goes behind your back with your kids as you didn’t provide examples but if she does that with small kids I would ask her to leave your house when you catch her or correct her and the children immediately. E.g. you tell the children they can’t have a sucker, she gives them one, you take it and put them in time out and explain where she can hear that mommy said they couldn’t have a sucker and grandma shouldn’t have given them one. They are in time out because they are eating a sucker after mommy said no! That should clearly signal its grandmas fault! You could also say to her that you said no and if she starts arguing just ask her to leave your house! Your kids, your house, your rules!
If she/yall are unhappy then a senior living might be a good idea. My mil’s mom resisted for a long time but is much happier there.
I would never even once take her to a bar. And if she doesn’t need to go to town when you ask. Then your husband should say no when she ask him. Then she’ll start going when u ask her. Just learn to say no
There needs to be a clear “this is what is acceptable” conversation and if she isn’t happy about it she can live elsewhere.
I can’t believe how many people on this post said to put the mother in law in a home. What a bunch of insensitive jerks.
We had my grandma come live with us when I was twelve she had stroke i loved being around her she er
Went to rehab my other Gramma had cancer also lived with my parents my son was two at the time they both were deceased not long after find her activities and I’m sure she wants to be around her son there’s tension on both parties hope all works out for u how do her grandchildren feel about it
Why are you taking her to a bar???
Let her throw a fit. Don’t make yourself miserable
Introduce her to the UBER app. Also, you and your husband need to start saying no to her.
Simple; say no. Just be done with it.
If she’s able to care for herself, as in washing, dressing, eating, regular activities of daily living, then she can live in a senior apartment complex or assisted living.
Well she is 80 so keep your fingers crossed the problem will solve itself …
Why are all the post lately posted twice in the same post
you can’t make me read that
The fact u offer her a ride earlier then she says shes all set then wants to go later I would put my foot down and say no . And when she is saying no id explain right then and there it’s now or never
No means no. If she can’t take no and she wants to throw a fit like a tantrum and child treat her like a tantrum child. Don’t give it attention. If you need to secretly record her so that your husband can see how she behaves and when she goes and tells him that you’re being rude to her he’ll know differently. I would look into senior living. Not a home for the elderly but One that will give her a social life with other people her age, and someone to take her places. If you don’t want to go that far I would get her a home health aide that will assist in running errands and doing all those things. You are not her chauffeur. You are not her babysitter. I know she is elderly and that plays a huge influencing part in this, but at the end of the day you and your spouse have every right to not have to deal with the added stress of her choosing to set her own boundaries and not listen to yours. Your house your rules and if she doesn’t like Them, she has two options move or get someone that will cater to her women’s that’s not you or your husband.
She’s an old woman not a spoiled baby stop giving in to her put your foot down and keep it there. Let her throw a fit; hell if you want a page from my book tell her how’s she’s going to throw the tantrum brats hate being told what to do and they especially hate when they’ve become predictable or throw a tantrum with her and show her how stupid she looks. Stop giving in though you and your man gotta use some backbone you can’t let other people control your life or before you know it you’re living a life you never wanted
Boundaries girl, boundaries. Have a REAL talk with your husband about expectations when it comes to his mom and about what happens when she doesn’t get her way. When it comes to errands etc. she can go when you go or give you a list. Outside of that, simply tell her no and don’t waiver. Evening errands and trips?. Just no. You have a family and a right to family time. If she has money for a bar, she has money for a cab. I’m sure not having what she wants when she wants it may very well make her throw a fit/tantrum but as they say, she can just get glad in the same pants she got mad in. Respecting your elders does not include letting them disrespect you.
My God! This Woman is 80! You park her in your driveway in a camper? Shame on both of you
Place her in a retirement community.
Mom needs 2 go bk to Vegas…lol
I have a soft heart for babies and elderly people. She’s 80. Do what you can for her and then just be upfront with what you can’t. She’s at the end of her life. And it can be scary and sad when you can’t get around and enjoy your life anymore. I hope when im 80 my kids will bring me to the bar if I start drinking lol in all actuality she counts on you guys and I know it’s hard and shes whiny and acts like a brat but elderly people are essentially huge babies. Im not saying let her disrupt your life but try your hardest to help her. In the long run you’ll be more at peace with yourself.
I serve 80 year old at the bar all the time…
Aside from that, seems like she needs a friend and you two are all she has.
How about get a couple six packs, some wine, for the week… when you get home sit down have a beer relax, with her once or twice a week? Really honestly sounds like she is lonely… it’s hard, remember she wont be alive much longer
I’m 50 50 on this. U never should feel or be disrespected…esp in your own home n when it comes to your kids. I’m w u on that. Part of me still says she is 80 n has lived her life. Now she is just doing stuff to pass the rest of the time. I’d say have your husband t2her. It’s his mom n he needs to speak up anyways. U shouldn’t feel so annoyed and damn right ignored at the place u should feel the most comfortable. On the other hand, though she is 80, she still is energetic enough to go to the bar. That shouldn’t be your responsibility to be doing that for her. If there is Uber or Lyft there, get her a prepaid debit card…throw money on there…n set her up an acct. That would eliminate some of the bs…the rest is up to your husband to have a convo w her about her not standing by your rules esp when it comes to the kids. Hopefully there can be a compromise w her being able to get around on her own n w her spending time w the kids, but go by your rules. If nothing changes after all that, then maybe you will have to reach out to other family or place her somewhere that she can be taken care of. Again, it’s tough but love g2be at times. Hope it works out
Btw, this post got duplicated n it made me think I just started over by accident…just a heads up😊
She can call a cab.or uber.
Since it is your husband’s mother, he should be the one to set up rules, etc. Moving to a senior home would be ideal if she can afford it - many activities with people her age.
Grandma wants to go-to bar, tell her Uber that shit
Being an 81yr old woman no one found me a place to live. I rent a beautiful apartment live by myself and have grown children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. All this story I just read is so juvenile. Some of you should have been taken to an orphanage before you were teenagers and tell the people, “take this child I can’t stand to go through teenage years because I don’t like them”. Not a one of you were born grown and neither was I. Just sit back and think about all you wrote.
The 2 days for shopping or give you a list so you can pick up items, Buy what she drinks at bar so she can make at home or taxi to go to bar, look into a location for camper where other seniors live so she will have others around her age to get together with along with a community center… As far as the kids, she is grandma don’t let that bother you just make sure your kids understand this is not their normal. Brooke Powell had a great idea too. After living in an active town she is probably bored?
Hire someone to take her places don’t give into her manipulative behavior I had a mil like that and she was a big reason I got divorced don’t let her have that control
Retirement Village! She can then socialize with people her age and there will be people to help run around for her.
Put her in assisted living facility some provide a shuttle bus for shopping and errands
I know it sounds mean but early on my hubby and I decided that divorce was not an option for us and anything harmful to our marriage is not allowed in our life. If grandma is harmful to your marriage then out she goes. There are plenty of 55+ communities in this world that are based on income. You guys can still give her her two evenings a week. She sounds lonely and maybe having a hard time with the move. Sounds like she has no friends here. Either way, if she is causing y’all problems then it’s time to make a change.
You need to get rid of her! And your husband needs to have your back. He needs to tell her no. When he gets home it’s family time and if she needed something she should have had you take her when you asked. You gotta nip it in the bud because she’s obv out for herself and doesn’t care about your life.
She’s probably lonely. I agree with setting rules. If she doesn’t want you to take her places it’s up to your husband to set the rules. You can hire a car to bring her places or home from the bar. Adjusting to quiet is hard when you are used to being able to do things in a busy place. Try to spend time with her like maybe once a week dinners. See if they have any senior centers she can spend time at. Her bar trips are most likely to socialize. Enjoy the time y’all have together. I would give anything to get to spend time with my grandparents again.
Does she qualify for access a ride? PCA? Community and Senior Centers. She will not change, wants time with the son solo and feels like whatever she sacrificed for him as a child is now return in the investment. Get her a rice in ways she is useful. She is in her 80s may not have much time left. he has to help her find ways to find her purpose in this stage of her life
They took care of him growing up and you can’t take care of them for a little while. Very sad.
Does she go to church? What activities does she like besides drinking? Find her some friends who can be in her life & drive her around. Book group? Game night? Even if she can’t afford senior living, maybe she could pay a driver to take her their first activities. Or just pay for someone to be a companion a couple hours a week. I’m sure there are folks who could use the extra bucks but do a background check & be sure they’re immunized.
Not everyone can take care of the elderly and there is no shame there. She needs company, someone who’ll be really there for her. Not fair for your part cause I know, I myself would not sign up for that kind of system.
I think you are being fair. You are not to tend to her back and call. You are taling her out but who the hell at 80 goes to the bar and expects you to stay up to pick her up…that is insane and screw all these holier than thou cause ain’t none of them Bs would do it…they will all talk cause they never dealt with it first hand
If she can’t follow rules, let her find someplace else to live. A nice senior living facility would be nice. Assisted living and low income options are available, if needed. Just like you’d do to an adult child that cannot follow rules… out the door.
Put her in her place. Why is it so hard for people to stand up for themselves. What is happening?.
Avoid conflict! Call the city,have them come out and inspect it,and that she has established it as a residence…NON-CHALANTLY…“A Concearned neighbor”
IF the camper can be established as a residence,have husband,(HELP-NOT HINDER,HER) to find her a new place to park.
My grandma is 83…works full time in a super busy law firm downtown in a big city. She takes a train and a bus to get to work. But she also still drives. So on weekends, she babysits grandkids, visits with family/friends, and shops. I swear the biggest difference in how someome ages is made by their outlook and attitude towards life im general. Crotchety old folks always seem infirmed. My grandma is the sweetest most pleasant person ive ever known amd i feel like it makes so much difference in her health.
Boundaries. Set them . She’s has to go by yours. You are allowing her to call the shots.
After certain hours and she ask you to do something it’s called No! You should have to us know earlier. I promise she will get MAD not yours.
I bet a couple of times if this she’ll figure it out real quick
You need more support. Maybe have her take an Uber or taxi if she doesn’t want to go run errands when you are available? Maybe have a neutral person from the church (or bar) be her ride to town. It’s your husband’s place to set the tone and enforce the boundaries. Also, maybe your son can plan on spending a little time with her just chatting and visiting in a nearby diner? That way, she knows she doesn’t have to manipulate to get his attention and she can air her complaints to him without upsetting your household.