Hey, this is for the “questions” part. It’s kinda a lot. Anonymously, please. Okay, so my husband and I have a blended family. We have one child together (I’ll refer to as “our child”), and he had a child prior to me. (I’ll refer to as the firstborn” )The mom and I get along great. My problem is that he works out of town and sees the kids and me on the weekends… that being said, He calls his first child every single day, has offered to meet his firstborns mom halfway in the evenings to get the firstborn if they ask to come to see him and then wake up and meet her again halfway to drop the firstborn off. With our child, he never has time to take it to daycare when he’s home to help me out because “it will put him behind” doesn’t call at all to talk to our child during the week. He doesn’t even say anything about our child unless I send a picture, and it will be a reply like “nice” or “clean baby” but no conversation. Our child was sick the other week, and he didn’t call not one time during that week to check on our child or even ask if we needed anything, but he calls his firstborn every single day. He is even taking half a morning off to take the firstborn to his first day of school, and he missed donuts with daddy at our kid’s daycare. On top of that, he didn’t even tell me about it; he said: “he planned on it.” I wouldn’t have known, the firstborns mom told me. He never takes our child to do anything by themselves but makes special trips and plans party’s and even goes out of his way to get things for his firstborn. He hasn’t bought a single thing for our child in a whole year. He said it’s because he knows I’m a great mother, and he doesn’t have to worry about if I’m taking care of our child, but because of the firstborn’s mom’s problems, he worries about the firstborn. My question is, why? He seems to not love our child at all.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my husband doesn't care about our child: Advice?
Why is he still your husband? He’s playing favorites and isn’t being a good father to your shared child.
Sounds like he is still wanting his first borns mother…he goes out of the way to cater to her
That’s so hurtful 
I hope things get better . 
Yeah throw that husband away its defective
Thats definitely not ok!!! It seems like hes playing favorites… hes only going to hurt the baby in the long run cuz they will start to see that their dad is there for their sibling but doesnt seem to care about them. Thats gonna be traumatizing. Hes got to treat them both the same.
Time to let this man go
My question is “why are you with him”
Your child will grow up feeling so unloved by the father…
Red flags all around…not healthy
Kelly Moskal
This is absolutely awful.
Leave stop putting up with that
Sounds like he never bonded with the new baby.
Not good for your child you have together. He will grow up to be resentful and get in trouble so he can maybe get his father’s attention. I would consider leaving. My child and I would not get to the point of hate that way.
Ok im not gna tell you to leave. But i will say your husband is wrong for this u absolutely need to talk to him tell him exactly how it makes you feel and let him know you want and expect the same treatment for your shared child as he does his first born
I hate to say this but it seems underlying that he’s still interested in the " first borns mother" the calls everyday ECTECT.
He would get an ear full from me and it would change or he could go stay with his first born. Children notice these things as they get older.
I wasted 25 years in a relationship with a piece of shit like that! Our kids don’t even speak to him anymore. Leave.
I wonder if the 1st born is a boy and 2nd born is a girl…?
Or the other way around.
Either way, it’s very sad and should not be tolerated. Both kids deserve his attention, no matter the sex or The Mom’s ability to do for them.
Maybe it’s more his own guilt from not being with the 1st born.
Maybe because the firstborn is older. Sounds like already in school. The other child is just a baby. Maybe he relates better to the older child. Can have a conversation, etc. Babies don’t really know if Dad’s there at daycare for donuts with daddy. But an older child might speak out more about wanting Daddy. Just a thought.
Very odd behavior from a dad.
Saying that you a great mum is just him trying to put a full stop in taking this convo any further so u cant address this serious issue.
If he doesnt change his behavior his 2nd born will begin to resent him as the favoritism wil be noticed.
Ask him if he really wants to be a part of you and your daughters lives or if he’s just there for convenience since he broke up with his ex and had to move on… Then u came along… And another kid came along… Is his heart even here?!
Address this and see where u and your child stand. You gonna be answering all your babies questions later on when she wants to know why her dad doesn’t spend time with her or doesn’t buy her stuff. Heartbreaking
That is not ok at all. You need to explain this to him and if it doesn’t change then you need to figure out what your next move from there will be. Is “our baby” younger like in the months? I know my husband wasn’t the best when they were tiny but got better when they got older. Maybe it’s it’s age thing?
Sounds like my ex husband. Wanted everything and more to do with his first daughter. Then when our child was born wanted his rights revoked and had nothing to do with her no matter how much I begged. He’s finally decided to be a “part” of her life now that she’s 9. But she refuses to call him dad because no relationship was ever formed and she doesn’t know him.
What i want to say is maybe he isn’t playing favourites, maybe because your child is of a younger age then his first born could be the reasons behind it or maybe he just doesn’t know how to interact as much with a younger baby?? I don’t think that it means you should leave your husband because of it, sit down with him when he is home and talk to him about it, let him know how you’re feeling & ask him if there’s a reason he has a different relationship with each child?
Run for the hills divorce that doesn’t sound right maybe they have a relationship that you don’t know about. That’s completely wrong
Do you need any other reason to leave him? Respect yourself and over all, teach your kid to respect himself
Oh that made me sad!! Definitely confront your husband and find out why.
That is so sad.
It sounds like it’s time to move on.
If he doesn’t want to be a daddy some awesome man will.
Your child will be effected by this in the long run.
Prayers things work out for you and your child.
Leave him. He’s trash, and not going to change. Serve him the papers and surround your child with people that actually love them. If you stay in that situation your child idea of personal and romantic relationships will be affected in a very negative way. So if you won’t leave for you, leave for them.
All kids need time with their daddy no matter what they do I would like to tell you to put your foot down and tell him something it’s not right for him to ignore his second child
I’d drop his ass and find my child a daddy that loves both of us.
I’m gonna tell you from a perspective from someone that’s gone through this. My mom always had and still does favor my sister. I’m 42 and she’s 44. My mom has always put her first and I really have resentment towards her for it. It’s so obvious that my sister is her favorite, and it’s hurtful.I mean I call her daily to check on her and my sister is a horrible person, and I’ve never had a relationship with my father. But as someones who’s been through it just go because that just gives the feeling of being so unloved and nobody should feel like that. You just show that baby as much love as you can and always tell them. Best of luck❤️
Did you just call your baby ‘it’? 
This is unacceptable! My husband would NEVER not call to check on his child or ask if we needed anything!
I think it’s favoritism and unfair to y’all. Just because you’re a good mom doesn’t mean your child doesn’t need their daddy and I know that’s exactly what I would have said to him. I’m not telling you to say it. But I mean I personally think that needs to be communicated to him because I don’t think he gets that.
Sorry to say this but he still in love with the first baby mum. I have been through it myself. Private message me.if you want. I ended up driving myself insane.over it I’m.going back.years now but the best thing you can do for you and your baby is let go because leaving you into your thoughts is not healthy for you. As for the other child he might feel the need ro try to Do more as he physically not there. But the mother part iv seen myself what has he got the need to meet half way through the evening the child should be going go bed.
In all honesty, it could be guilt. He probably feels guilty that he and the child’s mother split up. He’s probably always called the first born every day since the relationship ended. He probably wants to make it clear to them that the child is loved and will always be wanted by him. As a child of divorce, I wish my father made more of an effort to let me know that I was wanted and thought about. Yes, I slept over his house twice a week, but phone calls would’ve been nice too. He probably also wants them to know that as long as the first born wants to see him, he will make it happen. Let him know that you understand and support him having a bond and relationship with his first born, but he can’t ignore your child in the process.
I’d tell him to step up and be a father to both he should treat them both the same
If he don’t then he ain’t worth it as your child will grow up to notice it
I’m curious how old the children are. At one point she refers to their child as “the baby” so I wonder if the child can even have a conversation on the phone like she’s saying he does with the oldest.
Is your child able to hold a conversation? The firstborn is…
Just stop trying to involve him. If he comes around then cool. If not then 
He’s blowing smoke up your a$$. I hope you don’t put up with that.
Sounds like he gave you a nice clear answer maybe he is telling the truth ?
Sometimes dudes just aren’t great with babies. Have you asked his ex if he was like that with their child during the early years?
I think he is using the first born child as an excuse to see his ex. Open your eyes!!!
I don’t think this is a lack of love for your child. I think he’s just a better co parent with his ex because he was put into the position to make it work. Where as you two are together so he isn’t putting in the same effort.
Yeh something isn’t right here. I’m thinking he still wants to be a family w his ex … he’s doing to much with his old life
I think y’all arent important to him and I feel like something more is going on with his ex.When my husband and I split up this last time(we are back together)he sat there and told me he wanted to see the kids bc regardless,he wanted to be in their lives still(he’s not their bio dad)Something feels off to me with that whole situation
Girl he is still fking the ex. Stop trying to involve. Stop calling and texting him. He is not interested
I was told that the way a man treats a child can depend on how he feels about the mother…
I hate to sound like “that one” but it sounds like maybe he has something going on romantically with his firstborn’s momma and she “tolerates” you because there are kids involved. Or he’s just actually really concerned for his firstborn’s well being and keeps a closer eye on her for that reason. I think an open and honest discussion with him about this is warranted and that your feelings are totally valid if you observe your child being treated differently than another.
wow it sounds like you guys arnt even together. start keeping records and proof. have divorce papers drawn up and get him for alimony for whatever the technical term is
Could it also be the age of the two younger ones? Some people have little connection to babies and little ones. The blended family is never easy.
This sound fishy
He is up to with his ex for sure
Its a man thing. Babies don’t get attention til they can walk and talk and play with dads. Mine was tge same . We had 4 every time he only gave attention to older guys. Give it time he will be able to commit later.
I say stop trying stop texting stop calling stop sending pictures you’ve already mentally left so leave
Don’t chase him to be involved.
Wow I don’t even know what to say about this. But shame on him
Sounds like this is all one sided ,tell him your feelings or leave,
Could be a out of guilt thing, I’ve known many people who will move mountains for their other kids but knowing their other family is at home content they don’t feel the need to bother
She isn’t chasing her husband. She is concerned about the time and effort or lack of. That the dad is giving/ not giving to there child together.
Definitely have a talk with him tell him how and why u feel like you do. Yes it is true most dads don’t know how to interact with babies. And yes he may feel he has to step up and give the other child more attention bc of the other mamas past. Just my opinion is all. Good luck mama💕
Have you discussed your feelings with him?
He is still attached to the first born & the BABY MOMMA 
sorry honey but you’re being played. And if he hasn’t bought anything in a year for y’all’s child um yeah y’all aren’t his priority.
If you’ve got a good relationship with first Born’s mom, ask how he was in the early years. Some people just really aren’t comfortable with babies or young kids. So that bond may have formed over the kiddo was older.
U should have a sit down n not listen to wut these people think they don’t know wut goes on besides the story u tellin but there is always two sides to a story sit down n listen but also talk let him know how u feel n see wut he has to say💯
I bet when he supposedly met her half way to have his son sleep over, she probably spent the night too. She’s close to you to see where ur at an what you know.
He fukin his ex. 
How old are these children? More info is kinda needed here. I would not say to leave. A lot of men aren’t great with babies. They do better with older kids. Is this baby eating doughnuts yet? Sounds like an infant. Maybe that is why he didn’t go. I would say you need to tell him he must step up and be a better help and support to you and the child. But he probably feels guilt dor the older child. And they don’t get to live with mom and dad. And this does cause parenting differences. You need communication
I’d personally leave. I’d never allow my child to feel unwanted. She may be young now but she will one day catch on and it will break her heart. No relationship is worth that.
Sounds like there is something going on with the ex. Tell him he needs to pay attention to your child too or your done. Its not fair to your child
Some people mention that age of chilf has to do with it and I really disagree with that. Besides the newborn stage any man in my life that has had a child is overly involved no matter the age or situation. You need to sit down and tell him the older the child gets the more it will notice the lack of attention and will resent it. My oldest is 5 and will tell his dad if he hasnt had enough of quality time with him due to the busy week and he makes time. Communication is key if you want to continue in the relation and parenting style.
He hasn’t bought anything for you guys child in a year…he hardly asks about your child…seems to me he’s still stuck in the past. I would pack his bags for him and leave a nice note, put his sht outside…and say byebye
Wow all these detectives all come to the conclusion he is cheating with his ex.
Talk to the ex and see if he was the same with there child.
I would be raising hell on that one! My kids dad treats them both the same and knows if he didn’t I’d raise some hell!
There has to be more to this story. Was he and firstborns mom together long? Maybe he’s worried about his firstborn and the consequences of that child being from a “broken” home. How is his relationship with firstborns mom? I mean, I know you said you and her have a good relationship, but maybe he and her done? I mean they have history and they’re no longer together. Is it good history or bad history? I strongly believe that not all children should be treated the same because not all children are the same. Showing love to one child may be with actions where showing love to another child may be with gifts. You and dad obviously live together, do you share money? If so, then it’s not fair to say that he hasn’t bought anything for your child together. Him not physically going out and buying something doesn’t qualify as him not buying the child anything (assuming y’all share money). I mean, my husband is the only income in our house at the moment, and you won’t catch him going out on his own to buy the kids anything. We go together. That’s how it was with my parents, my brother and his wife… I think that’s just a man thing. With all of that being said… directly address the issue with your husband. I can’t see any reason why your husband shouldn’t be involved with your child, as far as like breakfast at daycare and things like that. So again, address the issue with him and make sure he knows it’s an issue.
Wouldn’t happen in my home!
I think it’s very sad when children are mistreated by a parent or step-parent. It is so mentally and emotionally devastating to the child and to the other parent.
A few missing pieces here… how old are the children? If “firstborn” is old enough to talk on the phone, have mini adventures and “our child” is not that may explain why he does not reach out during the week. Not saying it’s right, just a prospective. The writer also states that father has sad hat she is a good mom and he does not have to worry. Without knowing the backstory to this comment it’s hard to give advice. Is father maybe concerned for the safety abs well-being of his “firstborn”, is this why he reaches out more often and willing to put in the extra effort …
It seems to me that this relationship needs to improve communication, maybe seek therapy to get to the core as to why father appears to be making more of an effort to see one child more than the other.
I agree that father should ask how “our child” is doing, inquire how he can assist, make more of an effort to be involved. Bashing him is not the answer.
This man is the father to your child, try and communicate more effectively so you can be better co-parents. 
Sounds like he feels he needs to keep up this “super dad” role to his ex.
He’s still attatched I see or trying to prove himself to her.
Wait you guys are married? How old are the children ? I have so many questions. But that being said. I def think when questions like this get asked we already know the answer to the question . are you ok with it or not is what you have to ask yourself. I am the youngest of 3 and I def think my dad favored me over my sister’s do I think its right no but that’s what he did
He’s probably feeling guilty for the broken family from first born. He’s over-compensating with the first born and not likely realizing he’s neglecting his family. Talk to him.
Get out now…he is still with ex physically
Sounds like he don’t care at all… you and your child are better off without him especially if he hasn’t bought a single thing… he wants to not be apart of your child’s life then leave him behind and cut all contact.
So bold of people to tell this woman to leave her husband on this paragraph alone lol like this is salvageable and can be corrected through proper communication and work.
there’s obv a reason they don’t treat you like that but treat him like that but you didn’t post that
You ever hear of communicating with him your only going to get info on here by a bunch of bitter nut cases. Talk to him and make him listen and ask him questions that are important to you and listen to his answers. Seek outside help but not on trash talk facebook
Hey maybe yyou hit nail on head and hes concerned for first born home life. Or hes proving he can stil be dad he wants be. While knowing his 2nd child (our baby) is safe and sound and has a fab mum who can do it all.
The baby is in daycare. So under the age of school age (kindergarten) so it wouldn’t be possible to do many of those things that he does with his other child.
You can’t compare his relationship with firstborn child. As long as both kids are happy and well.
However, to his comment that he doesn’t worry about your child since you’re a great mother. I would respond with; Our child does have a great mother ,but our baby still needs a good father and we already know you are because of how you care for firstborn. You didn’t have a child so you could care for it by yourself. So tell him you’re expecting him to do the same for your shared child. And you do not feel he is doing enough to help you care for your child, you need more support and him being involved, that includes calling and checking in to see if you need anything, helping with extras financially for the baby, and helping with pick up and drop offs with daycare. Etc.
Focus on the real issue that he needs to step up to help you.
Age of kids matter. Call him. You need to open communication between you. It’s not for you but relationship with dad
Option 1; Let me just throw out LOTTTTS OF MEN don’t mess with the younger babies. Like someone else stated that baby is daycare level so maybe when the baby is older he can do thing with him
Option 2;
He’s playing “super daddy” with the other lady.
U called ur child “it”
It might seem like he’s going out of his way because his first born doesn’t live with you guys so he wants to make sure that child knows it’s just as important as the child that’s living with him. A lot of times the child that’s not living with a parent can feel as though the parent doesn’t care about them as much. I doubt he’s doing it on purpose. You say there’s problems with firstborns mom so maybe he is truly concerned that firstborn isn’t being properly taken care of or not getting the attention it needs at home and he knows your child is getting what they need at home from mom.
I would definitely suggest talking to him if somethings bothering you about how he is or is not responding to your child. He may not realize it’s upsetting you but I’m sure it’s not something he’s doing intentionally and he does, in fact, care for both of his children.
You don’t want your child growing up feeling unwanted and hearing you guys fighting over this. I would see if he is willing to go into family therapy, if he’s not willing to I would seriously think about your future with him.
Going through the Same i might Say he keeps saying he isnt worried cause my kids are all okay and fine but doesnt get that they need him around later it doesnt makes sense to you cause u feel you dont have support or anything and you feel like a single parent
My husband does better as the kids get older. He may also worry more because your a better parent and is comfortable that your taking care of your child. And as far as his interactions at home you are allowing him not to take responsibility. Your doing it all for him. Make a schedule of days you want or need him to pickup or drop off kids. Let him know ahead of time. Do messenger video chat with him when he’s away so you can involve your baby in your conversations. On weekends have him keep the kids while you go shopping etc.
So confused here. If he works out of town and you only see him on weekends, why doesn’t he get a home closer to work so that you and the child can be with him? It sounds like he has a good bond with the first child but probably only seeing this one on weekends he hasn’t been able to create that bond
it may be the age, he may feel comfortable with the first than the second if he is young. although he should at least make an effort
He’s not over firstborn’s momma 
Have you explained to him he’s creating a complex in his children’s heads? Is not ok to not treat them fairly and equal. He’s damaging his relationship with them both, and their relationship with each other. If he really cares about if his children are being properly cared for he needs to look at himself too and how his actions can impact them. He may not see the affects until adulthood!
Grow up maybe something is going on with her and he does need to make sure first born is taken care of and he knows he doesn’t have to worry about you and your child but maybe talk to him about more communication
I feel like he may still be in some type of relationship with previous baby mama, also your child is a baby/toddler so he probably wont get a better bond with him/her until they are older.