OR he has guilt for not being there and over compensating…
5 Likes
I don’t care if your b a by was a new born he still needs to make time for the lil one even if it a visiting the zoo park chuck cheese when you know better you do better not calling checking on you both is a no no let him know how you feel
7 Likes
All should be treated the same.
8 Likes
If the first born is a male and the 2nd one is a female sometimes that could be it. Or he is playing favoritism which i hate so much.
7 Likes
I’m curious to know how old the kids are, that may play a part in everything.
And it sounds as if he has some sort of guilt about leaving behind his other kiddo with a parent who he doesn’t fully trust? Could be wrong, but there’s so much more info that is relevant that wasn’t shared
3 Likes
I think its more about the kids ages. If you ask his ex I bet she will tell you he wasn’t as involved with their child when he was a baby either. I would talk to him about it. Maybe he doesn’t think there’s much of a need to talk to the baby over the phone and talking to you everyday is enough? Some men are like that. They don’t realize how important bonding with an infant is. But don’t phrase it like you do this with this child but not ours. Just see why he doesn’t. In fact I wouldn’t bring up his older child at all during this conversation
7 Likes
If hes that concerned for his other child then why doesn’t he try to get custody? He said your a great mother.
My only other thought is that he’s still in love with the ex and more could be going on there than what meets the eyes.
12 Likes
Maybe when he gets older .he will enjoy more…
And maybe the attention he shows the older child is because he still has feelings for the mom or maybe he wasn’t ready for another baby… how does he acts towards you is the bigger question
5 Likes
That’s great that he knows that he doesn’t have to worry about yalls child as much bc you are a good mother. But you being a good mother doesn’t have a single thing to do with him being a good father to y’alls child. He needs to make time for BOTH kids bc if he doesn’t eventually your child will notice…and have resentment against his/her dad AND sibling.
7 Likes
When he’s home have a heart to heart talk. Ask the issues and share your hurt feelings. See his reaction. If he loves you and your child he will fix this. He may be being very honest about first wife. And she may be doing this on purpose!! After all she told you about the school thing right? That was hurtful in its self. Seemed kinda like bragging. She may be forcing a wedge??? Stand up for you and your child. Say what you need and give him a chance to fix it. If he does nothing dump his ass!!! Sounds like he’s a better ex than a husband or father!!!
He has a favorite. Don’t let yours get old enough to feel it while in the same house.
7 Likes
Question: Did his ex break up with him because he didn’t pay attention to their child?
At least he’s taking care of his responsibilities it sounds like. Plus you didn’t mention ages or gender of the kids, maybe he’s worried about his first born and is overcompensating by doing extra for him because he feels the first born needs him more? 
1 Like
This is sad I’m sorry your dealing with this. He should be ashamed of himself. This really needs to be addressed and if he continues too be in denial Sit him down and have a timline of the last year of all the things he’s done for the eldest, compared to what he has done with the child you share. A visual may make him understand how sad This is for you and the child you share
6 Likes
If your child is in diapers he can’t call and speak to them. There also isn’t much to do with babies …you don’t take them fishing or to the movies or out to eat , etc. Not sure what you’re expecting . And if you’re married and you’re buying baby thing with money from a joint account , or you stay at home and he pays all the bills …then he’s buying it whether he was physically present or not .
10 Likes
I think he has guilt but that doesn’t excuse it not only should he make time for each individualy but together children are brothers why not take both
2 Likes
I think this is a question you should be asking him and not woman with different experiences on the web. There may be a simple answer such as an age gap or guilt trip and you might find yourself making it about something else
3 Likes
Stop doing everything for him. Let him know what you need him to do. Drop off at daycare, parent teacher meetings, etc. Bathe the baby and stop doing everything for him. You are enabling him and he’s not bonding with your own child.
7 Likes
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my husband doesn't care about our child: Advice?
honestly he might not see that hes doin it… have u asked him why he does it . he might see ur guys baby as taken care of he may not trust his first borns mom as much as he does u . i would sit down and talk with him about it
5 Likes
Sounds like bs excuses and if you allow this to continue it’ll never change.
27 Likes
Have you straight up asked him and told him how you feel?
4 Likes
i feel like i need to know how old this baby is. if the older one is going to school, they probably have an advanced vocabulary to actually talk every day, where as it may be that yours is younger and not as well versed. not that it’s an excuse, but how he may see it. but, mostly it sounds like he isn’t invested in the relationship with you, not much to do with the child? idk. jmo with what was given.
4 Likes
Your child will notice the preference eventually. He needs to know that regardless of how good of a mom you are, you guys’ baby needs a present father. Please don’t just accept that excuse, that behavior really needs to change for your child.
2 Likes
Honestly he may feel guilty about the broken relationship between him and firstborns mom and may be trying to make it up to the kid. Which is sweet but obviously flawed in that it seems like he doesn’t care about your kid. I would express your thoughts to him directly and ask him to show the same effort in both children
6 Likes
Change the locks…simple
11 Likes
Maybe he feels that he is with you and doesn’t need to put forth extra effort? As with the mother of the oldest child he isn’t “living” in the home so he feels more obligated to show more effort? I’m not sure, but just a thought.
2 Likes
I had the same problem with my boys dad…he has two kids with his ex before me…he made ever chance he could to see the others kids took off for days visiting them and actually staying at there house with the ex…when our boys were in tge hospital he made no time for them…no visiting and asking if I need help…I was the only one with a job…not him…so I had to take days off of work to be at the hospital with the boys…know I dont have to worry about him its his new girl friend problem now…and me I learn to be a single parent…
2 Likes
How old are children? If he is not calling during the week, I think honestly I would be worrying about more than just what he thinks about the child.
7 Likes
Wow…I don’t have a response to this. That sounds like it’s going to be a tough and necessary conversation. Maybe he doesn’t realize it? But as the kid ages, he will so as the mother you must have that talk sooner rather than later. Changes need made.
Who is he staying with when he’s gone all week? I have a feeling there’s more to their relationship than co-parenting or he’s got something else going on…surprise visit.
7 Likes
Been there, done that… when I first got with my husband he already had 2 kids and it was pretty much the same thing. I came to a realization he was doing it because he felt bad for not being with them anymore . But I made it clear if he wanted to go out for pizza with the kids, he needed to take our daughter because we were all family. If wanted to buy toys for 1 he better buy toys for all. There was some arguments in the process but he did learned. Now we are going on 16 years together.
6 Likes
I’d tell him how you feel. My husband works out of town and when my kids were babies he worked on a boat in the gulf of Mexico, and he still video called daily or every other day. But stayed in constant contact. He now works out of town but just a few hours away from us and is gone more than he is home. He still videos daily to talk to me and the kids and usually gets upset when the kids fall asleep before he has a chance to call and see them. It takes 5 minutes to call and see your wife and child. If he doesn’t have time for that in his day but makes time for his other child, something isn’t right there. Regardless if you are a good mom or not, he should still WANT to see y’all. JMO! And the mom can’t be that terrible if she still has primary custody.
1 Like
I’d get a professional opinion and then see if he will go to counseling with you. If not, resentment will grow inside you and the child will start feel left out.
In my opinion I think he may be doing to see the first borns mom and not the kid itself, that is the only thing that makes sense. IDK that is a difficult situation,
3 Likes
Not good. Family counseling will help if he will go.
My first thought is how old is your child? Are we talking 1 or younger? Is the child old enough to carry on phone conversations and easy to care for overnight while working?
3 Likes
How old is the first child
unpopular opinion but as a coparent with joint custody is it possible he goes the extra mile w the firstborn bc he only has them part time?
4 Likes
It sounds like he’s very attached to his “old” family. He may not have truly moved on. You have to decide what’s best for you and baby.
10 Likes
You know it doesn’t matter 8f the "second " child is 1. That child will recognize daddy’s voice so age is by in itself. What he’s doing is just wrong and you need to talk to him. If no change comes then I believe you need to know what you need to do. You can never get the time back so move on if need be…
4 Likes
Its called guilt, he is guilty as he is no longer with that child’s mum so is overcompensating
5 Likes
Speak up and say something about how you feel. Inquire about his thoughts/feelings about it, and listen to them. If he doesn’t have much to say or makes u feel invalidated and behaviours don’t change, then identify your limits with him (ie “you need to be more involved in your child’s life and you can do this by x,y,z etc. )
He may have done this same thing to his other child’s mother before and is now trying to make up for it after that child’s mother kicked him to the curb. Ultimately, protect your baby and be fierce mama bear.
1 Like
Sounds like he wants to see the mom of the first born child.
2 Likes
maybe he knows your good mum and kid taken care off sounds like bitterness to me
4 Likes
Please have a conversation with him about how you feel about this ASAP. The longer it goes on, the more you will worry.
1 Like
I’m guessing the first kid is old enough to have a conversation with and y’all’s baby is just that a baby” so there’s really nothing he can do for it because it’s to small right now but once it’s bigger he will do things with y’all’s child too. Why don’t you tell him how he’s making you feel and hopefully you can work it out.
3 Likes
Toss him and bust him with child support.
If he only wants one of his kids,he doesn’t deserve the other.
Give him back to the ex he’s going outta his way to see(I guarentee it ain’t just because of their kid).
6 Likes
The whole situation sounds iffy to me. Why can’t he come home during the week? Only weekends. And are you sure he’s not still messing stoning with his 1st kids mom? People are grimmy like that & will still smile in your face ijs it sounds off to me
6 Likes
he is still in love with first childs Mother, that is so obvious, boot his ass out!!!
8 Likes
He needs to go! Sounds like he isn’t really a husband at all.
1 Like
First of all, look at the ages. Phone calls are more productive and meaningful when the child can speak. Secondly, did he miss time with his other child during their split? He may be either making up for that or he may feel in general that he misses out on things with his firstborn. He may also not want the appearance that he’s favoring your child because he’s always there (as far as the child is in his home). It may be guilt.
Regardless of the reason, please communicate! The phone calls I think really depend on age, request, habit, etc. However, the donuts with dad and daycare stuff I completely understand you with. I would definitely say something about those.
Best thing you can do is communicate. I’m not sure group therapy is necessary because it seems to be just his attitude towards co-parenting with you. It’s not the ex, not the firstborn, not your current child. It’s how he is acting and why.
It may also be that he already has a bond with his firstborn child that he hasn’t quite built with yours. He needs to do so though.
5 Likes
Have you talked to him about how it might affect the child you share later on in life if they see their dad doing all this stuff for firstborn but never finds time to spend time with them (your child)
Because I feel like that’s going to have a very negative impact if it continues as they get older 
2 Likes
Wanjiku Rosemary weeeeh
Men put their focus where they want it. If he’s more focused on them then that’s what he wants.
10 Likes
That whole situation isn’t fair to you and especially your child. I’m all for doing everything to work it out, but this situation sounds a bit past that. I would say counseling first, but from how is sounds, he wouldn’t even give that a thought. You need to do what is best for your children, and this situation will grow more painful as the time goes on and the child will have deep seeded issues from it. It is one thing to have an absent parent, it is another to have a father in the home that doesn’t care.
2 Likes
What I think some are missing here, and was the most important information she gave, he didn’t even care to check on their child when sick. That spoke far louder than all the rest of it.
10 Likes
The thing I want to say is where is you twos communications? Plus what about him and Your time? I would push harder for that cause if he’s with you he’s also with your child. Be firm, stay strong and show affection.
1 Like
He s showing you how he feels. Maybe he has some sort of agreement with his ex that he can’t see him unless he does xyz. I would talk to him to see what’s going on
1 Like
There is definitely enough time in a day to call and / or video chat. If he isn’t making time It’s because it’s not a priority. We want to see the ones we love. If you already discussed this with him and he still isn’t making an effort then there’s your answer.
I feel he still has feelings for the firstborn’s Mother
10 Likes
Have you told him any of this? Can child #2 talk on the phone? Is he calling and checking in with you? Either you want to leave and you’re scared to, or you don’t want to leave and you’re looking for valid reasons to stay… either way you already know what you need to do because you asked this question.
2 Likes
Face it…His rooting his ex !
4 Likes
Instead of over thinking about it.
Straight up ask him. It’s the best way to handle it.
God Bless 
1 Like
The age difference may be a huge issue. I know that my husband was only able to really bond and enjoy being around our kids once they were a bit older. When they were babies/toddlers they only wanted mom+boobs which didn’t really include his strengths 
but now that they’re older, they want to be with him all the time and he feels the same way too (now).
5 Likes
You explained it in the last couple of sentences!!
He has told you.
What else can he do?
3 Likes
Talk to him if it doesn’t change then you need to get rid of him
1 Like
It sounds like the age difference might be the issue. I’ve noticed a lot of dads tend to be more involved as their kids get older and are able to conversate and interact more. The main thing I would focus on is his relationship with you. Are the two of you getting enough face time, are you feeling connected and seen? Lastly comparison is an absolute killer! I would make it a boundary not to hear (especially second hand) all that he’s doing for his oldest. Compersion can be really hard to feel when it seems like you’re getting the short end of the deal.
4 Likes
Maybe he doesn’t want a toxic relationship with his first born child or his/her family? & already knows that he has a strong relationship with you and your child together? As a Mom with a child who is part of TWO blended families, just try to see the good. Communicate your feelings, but remember that he made two children & that child is also part of two families 
2 Likes
Age has nothing to do with it. You make time for your kids, your kids need both a mom and a dad. I would tell him exactly as you told us and if he doesn’t change anything then he doesn’t really care I don’t care what anybody else says either that or he secretly wants to get back with the mother of his first child. If a man can put effort towards one kid he can do the same for the other. Ask him how does he think your child is going to feel once he notices these things and trust me kids notice more than we give them credit for.
Hows the marriage? Did he want that second child?
Are you always calling him or does he call you, does he just call you to talk to the oldest?
Did you ask the other mother how he was with the first born when they were your childs age?
He could be unhappy and wanting to get back with the ex. Or he could be bad with the younger kids. Maybe he really didn’t want another kid…
If you ask him all the right questions, you might get your answer.
But you have to ask him.
2 Likes
"With our child, he never has time to take “it?” to daycare
He is an ass. He is telling you that by the way he acts.
You need to believe what he is showing you and they child. Sounds blunt but its the truth.
3 Likes
How old is your child? Can he/she talk on the phone? I’m sure he loves your child just as much as his firstborn. It shouldn’t be a competition. Does he spend time with your child while he’s home or is he finding other things to do with his time? I think we need more to the storyline but I’d like to think he loves all of his children and just has different bonds with different children. Sorry you’re doubting and I hope you guys get things figured out❤
This breaks my heart ! I’m so sorry . You deserve better and so does your child .
2 Likes
Run! I’m in the same situation…he not ready. I want this baby. He shoulda been ready to build before marrying me.
Sounds like he still wants his first family, your just a fill in home base if you will , SORRY 
8 Likes
His actions and words are telling you a ton. Listen! I was in a similar situation. He has since signed over his rights and no longer sees him. I heard the bullshit story about the other child’s mom’s issues and how I’m a great mom… blah, blah, blah. After we finally split, he told his friends and family that it was me not allowing him to get close to his son. Whatever. Regardless of how the other child’s mom acts, he should be making time for your child together too. All of his children deserve his time and attention.
6 Likes
To be honest, it sounds like he still may still have feelings for his first baby mama and is trying to impress her and it’s getting taken out on your second child. I think there definitely needs to be a more serious talk because I’d be livid.
7 Likes
Leave before your child is old enough to realize 
4 Likes
I don’t think it has anything to do with the children. I feel like he’s not passing up the opportunity to see his baby mama.
6 Likes
You need to have a " Come to Jesus Meeting " with him. Lay it all out and get the train back on track
1 Like
This is not ok. I know some men have a very hard time forming a bond with children when they are too young to be actively doing things the father cares to do. Sounds like you child is still very young and if he’s not around much he hasn’t bonded properly with your baby. Have a serious talk with him about spending time with the littlest one. Plan a family day and go do something together and hand the little on off to him from time to time so they HAVE to spend time together. He may just be struggling to connect.
Leave his ass! Sounds like he’s still in love with his firstborns baby momma! And the fact is, he can’t help you with anything for y’all’s child is horrible! Your pretty much doing everything solo now, get out and start a new life and make yourself happy.
2 Likes
Talk to him, tell him how you feel. If things don’t change after that leave him alone. He’s not worth it and that kiddo and you deserve better. He’s probably not moved on from his old family it sounds like but I can’t say 100%. Just make sure to communicate. Hope it all works out. I just can’t get over the fact that he didn’t check up on the kiddo who was sick 
I would be livid if my other half didn’t call ME the entire week, much less of course check on baby too. This is not ok.
2 Likes
I can’t get over you calling your kid “it”
2 Likes
I think our kids’ fathers are related. 
I pray your child doesn’t catch on to the dad’s favoritism towards the first born, or recognize the depth of indifference their dad has towards your child.
If your child does see it I will pray harder that your child has the strength to know this is not their fault. Dad is just a jerk.
My son developed shit self esteem when these dots started connecting in his head. When he finally came to me and expressed his feelings of low self worth and depression due to his fathers unbalanced treatment towards him in comparison to the older ones I cried with him. It broke my heart that my son was hurting and emotionally broken. I did my best to convince him it had nothing to do with him but all on his father. Took 7 years, a team of counselors/psychologists/psychiatrist/therapist, a transfer to a therapudic school from regular public school, and lots of love from me to make up for his dad’s absence after i booted the man to the curb for destroying our son…but hes finally loving himself and going out to enjoy the world again. At 14.
Protect your child. If dad can’t see that all his kids needs time and attention from him regardless of what they do or don’t get from their mothers, than hes a fool and you should move on. Don’t block dad from seeing or speaking to him. Just move on to avoid your son seeing first hand when dad is home from work all of the effort his dad is willing to give the first born while ignoring your son. Keep him safe Momma.
1 Like
I just want to say as a second born who had a parent that treated their first born that way (and I can’t stress this enough) 
him.
1 Like
Could it be he’s got something on the side besides his 1st born??
How old is your child together vs the first born?
It’s no excuse, however I know many men who aren’t very hands on throughout the baby stages yet when the baby becomes a walking talking toddler and so on they interact way more!
This situation is still not great and I’ve been through this myself by it might give hope for the future if that’s the case.
I don’t understand how parents can favour one child but I’ve definatly seen this first hand and it’s heart breaking, I’d have a serious chat and explain that it’s going to be damaging to the child.you have together and thay is how children grow up resenting their siblings and parents through feeling singled out and no equal.
Sending best thoughts your way and I hope this situation gets better real soon for you and your child xx
1 Like
Does the firstborn mom really have problems? Or is he trying to make it seem that way to you while he makes himself look good to firstborn mom? Do you feel he is over compensating for that child because he does not live with child or acting this way to impress someone? I would straight out talk to him and say what you have here. Then sees if he corrects it. If you have already talked to him and he still does not call your child would be a red flag to me. You need to think on what you are willing to have happen to your child slowly.
6 Likes
Similar situation. Firstborn has always been the Apple of husband’s eye. Her sister isn’t. WE have 3 girls together and I was and always will be both parents to second born and ours. He likes the idea of being a dad but useless as a hat full of holes in the rain. Decide where you are strong enough to be in a few years.
Your not overthinking it! Yes there is an issue there. The same amount of energy needs to be put into each child not just one or the other.
15 Likes
Regardless of the situation with the first child’s mother the second child is just as important. When you are a blended family you have to figure out how to make time to do what’s needed…I don’t know what kind of issues the ex has but if they are bad enough the dad has to worry about things then maybe he should persue custody. Either way each child should be a priority. If the neglect is as bad as this lady portrays it maybe she should leave…maybe he would be better at being a single dad with rights and visitation to the kids. Not the best case,but the one being left out will eventually have problems if the so called grown ups can’t get on the same page.
5 Likes
I would tell him that while it’s fantastic he is so good with firstborn and should remain to do what he does - he has two children and he needs to do more for his second child. It’s not about you - but when you second child gets older they will see the difference and it has the potential to be damaging to the siblings relationship. As well as damaging to his relationship with his second child. Tell him you don’t want excuses you want action.
If he doesn’t step up and make the difference…. We’ll his loss but personally I would then call into question if I wanted to be with a man that could treat his children so differently.
Hopefully he steps up otherwise I would step out.
7 Likes
So is this woman a sahm or does she work parttime/fulltime too? Is he physically not taking his 2nd child to go buy them stuff or is he not providing the finances to buy them what they need? How old is the 2nd child? Obviously under 5 if the oldest is going into kindergarten. How involved is this woman in the 1st borns life? Whats he like when he comes home on the weekend? Does he spend time with his family or is he completely distant and only spends time with the first born? Why is the 2nd in daycare? Is it for preschool, is it so they can run errands and have time for themselves or because they work? She says he’s only home on the weekends and works out of town, how far out of town? Does it always vary? What kind of reminders did she give him for dads and donuts? Did she make sure to give him enough notice, did he say he was going to make it, why did he miss it? In my opinion dads and donuts at daycare is not as important at 1st day of kindergarten, dads and donuts at daycare can happen at anytime in their life vs 1st day of kindergarten unless by some bizarre reason they got held back. The guy is already doing the work to try to keep contact with his first born and to make sure they’re being taken care of right, maybe give him some slack on not checking in on his 2nd born as much as he should maybe do that work for him until 2nd born is older and can hold their own conversation qith their father. Can the 2nd born talk? How much do they talk?
Me personally I’m not going to judge and prosecute the man without more information than was given. As far as I can see he’s making sure both his children are being taken care of. If the 2nd child was over 5yrs then I’d worry more about him not giving more time and attention.
1 Like
First child was technically abandoned and is living in a split home situation. Your “together” child is NOT.
Be happy he is such a caring father and didn’t just move on with you and forget about his first. At least you know of your relationship changes, he will always be there for your child.
If it really bothers you ask that he speak to your together child before bed at night when he’s away. Just ask for what you want, but don’t compare what he’s doing for one over the other. 2 different kids, 2 different needs
4 Likes
I think you are overthinking this also. I think he has faith that your child is taken care, and knows it is loved because parents are still married. He probably has a lot of guilt with the firstborn b/c he doesn’t “live” with the child and he technically “lives” with you and your child with him. Tell him, without fighting or making accusations, how you feel and how you’re worried your child may start feeling in the future. But never never share these fears with your child
6 Likes
My first thought was are the children both the same sex or is the older one a boy. If the older is a boy, it could be that he favors that child due to that. Either way, it seems like a big red flag. I would never tolerate that from my husband. Both children should feel like they are equally loved even if there is partiality!
2 Likes