Is it weird that I don’t like that my MIL acts like our kids are also hers? She tries to make decisions for them and calls them “my girls”. I don’t know why sometimes I feel like she tries to take my place as their mom and it pisses me off! Don’t get me wrong I love my MIL and appreciate her but sometimes she goes too far. I dislike feeling like this! Does anyone else ever feel this way about their MIL?
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" my girls" isn’t really offensive…so I assume there is more that you haven’t explained about the situation. My advice is to make sure you are setting clear boundries on what is not acceptable. (Like making decisions you should be making) and also reflect on your feelings and what exactly is causing them…is she maybe getting more “quality time” or “fun time” with them, while your time is taken up by more of the parental chores? Maybe that could be making you feel a little threatened by her time with them/closeness with them. (This is just an example, but if it part of the issue, I would try setting aside specific time with just you and them for something fun)
You will do the same when you are a grandmother , trust me
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I would talk to her about it. In my family, it’s custom for us to call our nieces and nephews our kids. Even my mom and mil does it too.
I don’t feel bad if my mil tries to be nice or sweet to our kids. It’s her way of showing love and respect for all of us including me and I appreciate it. I wish my kids could spend more time with both side of grandparents. Some of my best memories were times spent with my grandparents. I understand your feelings too but think how you’d feel about your children’s kids someday, it might make you understand. Maybe it’s very awkward for her and showing affection doesn’t come easy to her. So she goes a bit too far. Grandparents are a passing blessing, only around for a limited time (mostly). Let your kids enjoy a good bond, it’d be beneficial for them and ultimately for you too. Best wishes!
Um that’s what grandma’s do… My mother calls all of her granddaughters her girls in fact I call all My brother’s kids My girls too as they do with My daughter. We know who the parents are We just love them all the same!!! Be happy you have her and enjoy your time you have left…
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Grandma gets to play with and spoil the kids and you get to discipline and raise them right. Grandparenting is the best. But feel free to tell her to back off if she tries to take over. Also what does your husband think?
Youre just being a little insecure and thats ok. But you can never be replaced. Try accepting that they have an amazing grandmother and just be grateful.
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Appreciate your MIL she’s there to help you
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I don’t have that problem, but my sister does. Her MIL causes drama quite a bit between her and her husband. Not going into details, but it’s way overboard and beyond regular grandmother type actions.
I understand where you are coming from. My FIL say ‘Your my boy’ to my son. My son at 3 corrects him and say no I’m daddy’s boy, and daddy is your boy.
As for making decision, that’s a nope in my book. It’s nice to have help but decision are for you and your partner.
You are being too into your feelings. You don’t marry a person, you marry the family. If you decide children you are bonded for life. Those are her girls in a way, connected thru DNA. You have to start asking yourself some hard questions and figure out why you feel jealous over your children being overly loved by their grandmother and why that bothers you so much. Mother is God in the eyes of her child. You can’t be replaced. No need to be jealous over something so silly.
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My ex mom in law was the same she used to say she’s my baby she tried to dictate what name to call her 
she used to change her clothes that I’d put on her when she looked after her , did the exact opposite if I asked her to do anything specific…wanted to take her to Australia for a month when she was 10 on her own …the list is endless…I did get irritated and had to speak up with the Australia episode…she’s her grandmother and she loves her plain and simple
My grandchildren are my babies…
Yes!!! Mine tries to get my son to call her “mama”
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Sit down and lay out clear boundaries. Talk to her like an adult. If she doesn’t respect the boundaries take more steps to edge her out until she can respect them.
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I told mine and my mom that they already raised their kids, it’s my turn.
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Like what choices is she trying to make? Calling her “my girls” is just a term of affection. My best friend calls my kids “my babies”. I never took it as anything but affectionate.
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A lot of moms may hold back from responding honestly for fear of incurring the wrath of their MILs. You may benefit from posting on https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL as well.
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OK the other stuff I agree with and id put your foot down sooner rather then later. But all “my kids” i call my kids. My neices and nephews and daughter.
Its never ment to make anybody feel like I’m taking their role. And only comes from a place of love. If anybody asked me not to I would though, id probs slip up for a while but id make that conscious effort to stop
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My dad does this with my son. I’m a single mom to my 7 yr old son…for 6.5 years he has parented from under me, has my son calling him dad instead of grandpa… My sons dad is 100% non exsistant so my dad tries and does force his way in an my son then doesn’t respect y authority.
Heck, my own mother does this and it drives me absolutely nuts!!!
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I’m from a culture where everyone calls other people’s kids, “my girl” or “my boy.” It’s more like sign of affection, showing you care about that child.
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I used to be so uptight about things like this. It doesn’t matter. Your kids know you’re the mama. Maybe she’ll tone it down when she realizes it doesn’t bother you?
I call the girls I babysit my girls because those are my babies (I don’t mean it as to say I’m trying to be their mom but as “I will protect them as my own”)
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I had one of those MIL before she try to tell me what I could and couldn’t do with my child it didn’t go very well but that was way back then now it probley wouldn’t bother me cause more the marrier to help and care and love them like thier own bring it on
My MIL has slipped and called herself my child’s mother in front of us… my FIL has called my MIL my child’s mother in front of us as well.
I call my nieces and nephew my babies.
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My daughter called my mom mom, bc I lived with my mom and that’s what I called her. She called me mommy thought. All my kids now call my mom mom, bc my oldest called her mom and the other kids followed. It doesn’t bother me, they know the difference.
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I think that’s all grandmothers 
make boundaries and stand your ground. Don’t let her get comfortable disrespecting you as the mother.
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I don’t even have a relationship with my MIL so consider yourself lucky!
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The single best piece of advice i can give you at this particular moment is that feelings and emotions are not always logical.
Take a step back and put your feelings on pause for just a minute.
My aunt calls my sons “my boys” i’m 30 years old and she still calls me her baby.
She’s not their mom. She’s not my mom. She doesn’t believe she is and she’s not trying to take my place or my mom’s place. She is however an important person in our lives…and we are important and special people in her life. It’s simply endearment and nothing at all sinister or belittling.
My entire family often says “kayla and the boys” and half the time they’re lumping my husband into “the boys” part of that statement. It’s not meant to be an insult…think of it more like shorthand speaking.
Your children, are your mother-in-law’s grandchildren. Her granddaughters. “her girls” is endearment and shorthand speak.
In that particular instance i would try to reign in my emotions and get a grip on myself before causing issues that don’t even need to exist.
As far as making decisions go, that significantly depends on what those decisions are and whose physically around when they’re made.
I’ve found that saying “pick your battles” to not only be applicable to parenting children but also in dealing with everyone else as well.
Not everything is worth the stress and energy it takes to worry about them.
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I call my granddaughters my girls. I raise one of them. Once my grandson gets here he will be my boy. It shows affection that special kind grandparents love.
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I think ur being petty…u r mom & she is grammy…share the love
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I feel this way about my FIL. I love my MIL to pieces, she calls my kids her babies. At first it irked my nerves, but I dont know what I would do without her. Sometimes when I’m in a mood it bothers me but I just take a step back & let her enjoy her moments with them. Grandparents will be gone before the parents. You’ll mostlikely do the same as her with your grandkids.
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My MIL tried that with my daughter. She kept calling her “my baby”. “When are you bringing My Baby over?”. I made my husband set her straight. "My Baby. Not your baby. MY baby. Your grand baby. "
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My MIL treated my kids like they were found in the gutter. She had no problem providing unlimited love and gifts to my SIL children. The grass is always greener. I would have loved it if my MIL was nice to the 2 kids I had with her son.
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I would love it if any of their dad’s family paid any attention to them at all.
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I think ‘my girls’ or ‘my babies’ has more meanings than ‘my child’. They genuinely feel the love for their grandchild/niece/nephew. And it’s unconditional. Everyone, including the children, knows who’s the mum. Nobody can replace that bond. The bond of a loving relative is also important. It’s all needed when raising a child. A child can never have too much love.
Not seeing the unconditional love from family to your children, trust me, that hurts on another level.
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It’s all about boundaries. Let grandma play with the baby, then you can have time to yourself to do as you please.
As a mom of 3 boys whose mil passed away of cancer before my last 2 were born, I’m saddened by this post.
I miss her.
I miss feeling irritated with the way she took over in my household… in regard to my kids, hubby, cooking.
I think that it’s normal you feel a certain amount of irritation but trust me, you don’t know how lucky you are. Just appreciate the things she does for you and overlook the bad aspects. It’s not worth it in the end.
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It’s actually fine for me huh. It doesn’t matter it feels good that your MIL and FIL loves your children and treated like their own child. You’re lucky 
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Becca Russell I hope you don’t feel like this when I refer to my neice and nephew as “my babies”. 
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Tf she loves the kids like their her own that’s how grandparents suppose to be most MIL doesn’t care bout their grandchildren at all
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Well said Kayla Aileen Loftin, I call my grand daughter my baby girl, my grandsons my boys. My son’s understand, their my babies. My grandchildren are my favorites, not son’s. It’s a running joke in my family.
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My mom refers to my kids as “her babies” she’ll even say “what are you doing to my babies” when I’m on the phone with her and one of them starts crying 
I think while it might be annoying to you, just know it comes from a place of love. She’s calling them her girls because in her eyes they are her sweet granddaughter aka “her girls”. You shouldn’t take offense to it.
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If she’s great and that’s your only issue then just put up with it. People have flaws and it’s not worth causing drama over
Fammy Loterte Catan 
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Wow! Now I’ve heard it all. I’ve seen some moms being jealous of the bond their kids have with their female friends or aunts… But being jealous of the bond between grandma and your kids 
that’s hectic in my book. I wish my kids could experience that special bond with paternal late grandparents If Anyone love my kids so much as to call them ‘my boys’ I would be so grateful as that shows just how much love they have for them. 
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I can understand her not knowing boundaries in certain situations but the last thing that should be bothering you is when she says my girls because yes they are her grandchildren. But if it’s different and it’s done to disrespect your parenting then always remember a title does not mean entitled
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If she is telling people she is their mother than I can understand why you may feel disrespected there, also if she is undermining your authority or parenting. (I had a MIL take my son to go get the 2nd dose of a vaccine after his dad and I agreed with his Dr that he wouldn’t get it due to an adverse reaction to getting it the first time.) She took him to see a Dr that sees his sister’s kids and got him the shot. He was very ill after and had to go to ER due to having a seizure, swelling of his limbs, and excessive vomiting that caused dehydration. (She hid that she took him to get it as she had had him overnight on a weekend) Needless to say she is no longer allowed to watch the kids overnight or for any extended period without a parent being there as she can’t be trusted and she endangered him AFTER undermining parenting and health issues.
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Some of these comments. She’s allowed to feel uncomfortable with something. Some of you act like she’s committed a huge crime by saying it makes her uncomfortable that her MIL says that. It isn’t. Not everyone is comfortable with things like that.
OP, if you don’t like feeling this way then my suggestion is you sit down and have a talk to her about it. Tell her you aren’t trying to upset or offend her. Clarify with her and make it known that it bothers you a little, but also offer up alternative things for her to call your kids. Like little nicknames just for her.
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It’s okay to feel that way most mothers get fed up with their MIL from time to time…
But always remember that she loves your kids and that love will stay with them forever and they are lucky to have it
My daughters aunty (on her fathers side) did this and had her date of birth tattooed on her neck without telling me and it was all “my this my that”. To the point where her friends thought my daughter was the auntys daughter. Made me feel like my own child wasn’t mine. I had to leave the room to give her and my child “private time” (at her grandfathers request - dads side again). And they wonder why I have nothing to do with them. I felt like the machine that gave them what they wanted.
If I had the courage back then I would have told them straight!
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It’s different when it’s small things but when it comes to more important decisions that are obviously meant for parents to make then it’s too much
She loves your children why would that piss you off … be grateful for her
Just No MIL’s are a thing, look it up on Reddit. You’ll fit in nicely there. I’m sorry you having to deal with one and with these people being judgy asf!
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You’re over reacting. She’s been a mom and has mothering instincts she’s loving your kids let her would you rather her call them those kids.
I have issues with my boyfriends mother as well. I’ve had to set boundaries multiple times! A few examples, we discovered the sex and broke the news to her that it was a girl, we shared the name we chose with her. She hung up in my bf because we didn’t use her middle name for the baby. She disrespects me every chance she gets like telling me I need to “tone up” my body a month after giving birth. I’m 5’9” and 150 lbs, far from overweight. There’s a pandemic so as a new born we didn’t pass her around, I left the room to pee and she was all but trying to rip the baby from my boyfriends hands as soon as I walked away. Finally we decide she’s old enough to allow her to be held, we only ask for people to wash hands and avoid kissing the baby. First thing she does as soon as she thinks I’m not looking is kiss my baby! She refused to wash her hands and just put sanitizer on. I just don’t even want her around me or my child.
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I’m a mother in law and a nonna…yes I call my grandbabies my babies…and I do try to give my opinion in what’s going on… but I also completely respect the parents and their choices 🤷 I trust them to make the best decision when it comes to the babies
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I’d take it as a compliment that she loves my babies that much. I think it’s how you look at it. Why does it have to be a negative? Imagine if it was the opposite and she didn’t care. That would be way worse. Count your blessings.
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Be grateful you have her! My Mum passed away when I was 13 so my kids will never know their Nan & their fathers parents couldn’t care less about my kids. So no grandparents at all. They are your kids & always will be!
My mother in law calls her grandson (my son) “my boy” and I have not an issue with that, the bond between them is beautiful and I take on any advise she can give me as she raised 5 beautiful children and im marrying one of them, if my son is half the man his dad is well
I think you need to turn all your negativity into positives and maybe take everything with a pinch of salt she is their grandmother she can’t take your place of being a mum to your girls.
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I don’t see the issue with referring them as my girls or my boys.
Both my mom and my mil do it with my children. Just a way of showing love and affection 
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I would be grateful to have a mil to take my child off my hands.
We live a 10hr drive from family and my partner just left for 5 months due to work.
So it’s just me.
As a Grandparent its hard sometimes not to offer advice but I talk to my son and daughter in law freely. I love my Grandchildren unconditionally and hope I don’t interfere. I have added my two penny’s at times but for constructive reasons like when I saw my grandson aged 8 struggling at seeing his great grandads physical changes due to cancer. After a while I called him into the kitchen to ask if he was OK. He said yes so I said do you want to ask me anything so he said is great grandad going to die. I replied that the one thing in life we can be sure of is that we are all going to die and yes Great Grandad is not going to get better but at the moment nor is he going to die yet. He said OK can I go and play now. He was satisfied with the answer. My son hadn’t notice him looking so i took that moment into my own hands. Being a Grandparent is about loving the children and sometimes we might step on toes unintentionally but we are human. Talk to her if you still feel undermined but remember its hard for a mil as opposed to your Mum. Your mum is your mother all of your life, a son is his mother’s til he finds a wife. Its not easy being the Mother In Law lol
I’d sit down and talk to her about it. Theres nothing wrong with setting boundaries, grandparent or otherwise. If you are not comfortable with something someone is doing with your children, speak up.
My mom tried to take over when I had my 1st baby. She kept trying to mother over me and I finally hit my breaking point and had a very long and honest conversation with her about it. It got much better and now, she is more Nana than she is mom to them.
I get the final say in everything.
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They are hers too, in a way. They are her offspring. BUT you are their mother. Your word should be law. I call my nieces and nephew as “my kids” too sometimes, but I also know where my place is. I just love them so much that I refer to them as my heart as well as my own.
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Sometimes when I ask about my grands I will say what’s my babies doing? I don’t mean it as they are mine but they are my grands. Maybe try sitting down and having a conversation with her if something is bothering you. Communication is always good. She might not like it to much at first but it’s the key to getting alone.
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My mom calls my kids “my boy and my baby”, o go to her a lot of advice around the kids so i guess she is very involved in decisions.
My ex MIL is known as Ma to all kids and grandkids, I still call her Ma. She is slightly more quiet but will step in and give advice when needed and spoils my kids a little too much
Buuuut at the end of the day both these grandmothers adore my kids, they have been nothing short of amazing and that’s what grandmothers do.
Embrace it, grandmothers are a blessing
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I refer to my grandchildren as my babies. My daughter in laws have no issues with it. It’s a term of endearment and of love. Maybe try talking with her instead of assuming she’s trying to hurt you. It will help you feel better, and she probably doesn’t even realize she’s hurting your feelings.
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My mother would refer to herself as mom to my children and when speaking of me to my children she would refer to me by my name I was reminded of this reading your post. I don’t mind certain decisions being made without consulting with me first but there are other things I prefer not to be overridden.
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I think u are over thinking it, my grandson is my boy, but it’s a term of endearment, it doesn’t mean I think hes my kid, he knows the difference between the adults in his life and he will be quick to tell u he’s gramins boy, meaning I kind of spoil him its just a term of endearment, as far as making decisions I wouldn’t worry as long as its not life changing decisions like school and dance class, parent choices, but snacks or dollar store prizes not a big deal. Ultimately your the decision maker and I would say it would depend on what decision she is trying to help make, but just be glad she’s proud of them and is in their lives
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My mom always refers to my kids as hers, but she doesn’t mean it as in her kids. But the making decisions isn’t ok, that needs to be addressed.
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My mom and MIL call my kids “my boys or my girl”. What kind of decisions is she making for them? She won’t be around forever so treasure the time your kids get with their grandmother. My boys are only 5 and 6 but I would hope their wives would not take offense to me referring to their kids that way. It is a term of endearment.
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There could be a hidden story behind her complaining about her MIL calling her kids as her own… she wouldn’t be too pissed off if nothing piqued her boundaries? Lets not judge her so easily…
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I think you are over thinking it. Let her be a grandma. I would give anything if my kids had that in their life. Be grateful you do have it.
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We called our grandchildren that , now our great grandchildren. We don’t mean anything by it. It just means we love them as much as we do our own. It doesn’t mean she is trying to take your place. She just loves them so much. Be thankful she loves them that much. In most cases you have nothing at all to worry about.
My mother, MIL and SIL all call our kids “my boys”. I’ve never given it a second thought. I know it’s just a term of endearment. My mom tends to overstep at times and tell me how to raise my kids. But my MIL and SIL have never done it. Sounds like you need to just sit down and have an adult conversation about it. Let her know how it makes you feel.
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I would have loved to have even had a mil but she died when my husband was 8. Now on the other hand there is my mom who we live next door to, has allowed my oldest to live with her for almost 3 years rent free, and she helps us out. There were times when my kids were younger that she would over step and I would have to say something. For example she would criticize me for discipling bad behavior and I would say just wait, they will act the same way around you. Sure enough they would and she would apologize for saying something to me. A little communication goes a long way.
You can talk to her about the decision making and how it’s over stepping a boundary. But I wouldn’t bring up her calling them “her babies”. That’s a term of endearment for her. I don’t think she’s doing because she thinks she’s a parent to them as well
I use to feel this way also, with my own mother and my mother in law too. I felt like my kids were mine and a bit jealous to share them. Now my mother has passed away and my mother in law is disabled. I feel sad that I didn’t appreciate all the love my kids had from both of them. I would have loved to tell my younger self to let go of the pettiness I felt and embrace their love for my kids. I would give anything to go back in time and change so much mistakes I made.
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I would have loved for my MIL or my mother for that matter to be that involved in my kids lives. I am involved in my grandkids lives. I think as grandparents we all think we might have more life experiences and try to give our opinion. We do not mean to over step our bounds. We are so happy to have another chance at loving tiny humans, maybe even more than we loved our own kids. LOL JK just speak to them, I am sure they have no idea what they are doing. Dont alienate them from your children. you are very lucky and you dont know it yet.
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I’m getting that your own mother doesn’t do this. Which tells me that she is either less involved or she is not in the picture.
I could be completely wrong, but what I get is that the anger and annoyance is bc of your own mother.
-if she has passed then you are angry that she isn’t there and it doesn’t feel fair for this other grandmother to be so close to your babies if your mom can’t.
-if she is alive but lives some distance away then the same feeling, but less heartache and more jealousy
-if she is around and is present, but keeps her distance or keeps a lower grade of emotional attachment, then it is magnified bc it mean she probably raised you in the same way…therefore the anger also includes the feeling of YOU are all they need bc you do love them so much.
My mom calls all of my kids and her other grandkids her babies, I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
The fact that you sound like you are confused and hurt by your own feeling towards it is a big reason that I came to my assumptions.
Also if your mom is around, is a good mom, is a good grandma . It may just be the difference that bothers you. Once we learn something it’s hard to adapt to change.
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I went through the same thing. My MIL had 4 boys, my daughter was the first grandchild that was a girl…I finally said enough is enough and had a long talk with her. When she didn’t understand the talk…I cut off all communication until she finally understood her place in my daughter’s life.
Wow! I can’t believe you have the nerve to complain. You should be thrilled that your MIL loves her grandchildren so much.
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What kind of decisions? There’s always a line that shouldn’t be crossed but from what u wrote I’m kinda confused
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If calling them her girls bugs you… then you really need to chill out. Those are her grand babies. And she loves them. As for making decisions for them…you need to be more clear about what it is you’re talking about, because other than that…she doesn’t seem so bad.
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Honestly sometimes it might be annoying but try to look at the bigger picture like you have someone who loves those girls and looks at them as their own… I call my stepson my boy and we all know he didn’t come from me… but all his mom’s family knows I love that boy like my own and would give my life for him… it’s ppl like that I trust the most with my kids
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Nope, Nope, Nope she is crossing the line. All decisions are made by parents. I always ask my daughter-in-laws for permission to do anything. Those are their children.
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Shoot. My MIL has grandkids (between my boyfriend’s first and our newborn) from age 24 to 4 months. I’ll be damned if I ever tell her she can’t call my baby HER baby. N NO she will never make parenting decisions for us…but. She IS her baby none the less.
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I see nothing wrong with the word, but if you see her trespassing boundaries like changing rules, have a talk with her, and tell her why you are taking up certain rules and not others. Kids need as many loving adults in their lives as possible, and that will not make them love you less or see you as a “less” Mum
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After my grandson was born I told his father (my son) that if I had known it was this much fun being a grandparent I would have skipped the whole parent thing and went right to it 
. I love that boy (he’s 15 now) with everything in me. Its an entirely different kind of love. I love both my son and my daughter very much and want only the best for both them and their families. I just hope they would come to me if they thought I was stepping over a line. What adult children seem to forget sometimes is that to their parents they will always be their children. Our advice comes from the heart (in most cases) and is up to you if you want to take it or not.
I’m guessing this is your first kid and you’re feeling territorial. As far as making decisions for your kid i would need some kind of context to have an opinion.
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Yup! Mine actually put her name as my daughter’s mother on a sports form and tells my daughter she can’t do certain things, like cut her hair or dye it.
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I call all my nieces and nephews my boys or my girls. Its not to be horrible and take their parents place its because i love them so much. When i speak to their parents i say things like hows our boy.
I would sit her down and have a little chat, as im sure shes not doing it to hurt you. She probably loves them so much xx
My ex mil tells anyone that will listen that she practically raised my son (though he wasn’t out of my sight until he was like 1 and had no overnights until like 2) and in our separation tried to make it a stipulation that if anything happened to my sons father I had to share custody with her.
I call all the grandchildren my grandies. Always say to them hows my wonderful girl or boy. Doesn’t mean I want to be their Mum. Sorry but I think you need to change the way you are interpreting your MIL. She just loves your kids to bits.
Theirs grandkids out there whos grandparents don’t even want to acknowledge you know believe me you should be proud your kids have so many ppl who love them as much as you …let them be loved they will grow into lovely adults with love to pass down …put it this way wat if they were being ignored or getting a smack or shouted at… then you wouldn’t like it…let the abundance of love be given to the children whil they can get it lifes too short to bicker …
When my son was born that’s actually how I felt I always got pushed to the side! But then i realized I was graceful to have a mother in law that loved my son like her son.