Nothing wrong with saying my girls. But do agree decisions should be brought up to parents first. But not petty things and the love they have for your kids should be appreciated not every kid has that with grandparents
My mother in law hates me and tries to take my place as a mother and I told her many times she isn’t their mother to back down and have a seat because she is only the grandma and my husband is a momma’s boy and won’t say anything because he hates drama
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I think it depends on the person in question. Grandma’s never bothered me, but the SIL? Felt an undeniable urge to stay away. I thought it was me and tried. For a painfully long time. My kids are now teenagers and they’ve seen it enough for themselves, there is no relationship now. They care about her because she’s family but there’s no communication, blocked on all social media. I’m glad I allowed them to find out on their own.
So my mil would call my sil kids her kids before I had my own and that was her own daughter and her daughter would get so pissed about it and it never made sense to me bc she says it out of love and now I have 2 kids and I refer to them as her babies all the time bc they are the youngest 2 of her 7 grandkids
Nope I don’t cus this wouldn’t be happening put your foot down and put her in her place ! Period end of story they’re your kids period end of story.
My mother in law fought me for custody of my daughter cause she always wanted a girl and because she had money she won but man did my mother in law make my life miserable
Need more context…my grand daughters are “My girls” to me a term of great love and affection…is there more your not saying?
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I would feel grateful that she loves them so much! But also if it bothers you, you can say something.
I call my grandsons my boys. I spoil and parents must raise their boys their way. Nothing wrong calling them, babies, whatever, they are ours aswell. Nobody will love them more, like grandparents
We are not…we love them equally and more in some ways.We do not have any control of them other than our time and love.
I always say my babies and it’s a term of endearment but you should talk to her about it.
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All 13 of my grandkids are “my babies” but all of my dil understand that all though when I gave them its my rules, except if they are in the middle of punishment. Yes snacks are permitted, yes you can play on my phone, tablet, no there isn’t a time limit except for homework or school time. However I will not mess with the hair, take them places dil and sons do not want.
My granddaughters are my girls .i am thier grandmother though not thier mother
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Exavtly after 7 years …it didn’t work out after our son started talking and understanding .i was annoyed as well
Some women get this weird competitive thing going on. They can be down right bitchy about it too.
I say, stand your ground and if any one takes issue, ask them why they’re okay with your personal boundaries being ignored. You train people how to treat you.
Standing your ground may create a conflict, but it will be short lived and you will have shown people how you will and will not be treated.
She loves her grandkids. You need to get the hell over yourself. I’d give anything for my MIL to give the smallest sh%t about my kids. Be grateful that if something happens to you at least you know someone out there will love your kids as much as you do
Calling them “my girls” wouldn’t bother me that much, but making decisions for them would piss me off.
It seems some “moms” are overbearing and smothering. I would defined emphasize the word “grandma” to the kids and to her. I would also emphasize boundaries. This issue is very common.
The decision making wouldn’t fly with me . Actually say something to her about this
My grands are my Babies but when it comes down to it, their parents have the final say as how they want them raised
My daughter and I both help raise granddaughters. Its just no one thinks alike. I spoiled them. Give them back.
Tell her to back off. Tell your husband to back you up.
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Does she live with you?
Need more backstory to voice an opinion…
Be glad she loves them like that and they have a bond with her
Not enough information to make a call.
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Years ago when my kids were little. I used to always get mad at my parents or in-laws. Bc they were having fun with my kids, and I couldn’t. I had to be the “parent”! One day I told my Mom that I wish I could just bypass parenthood and just be a grandparent. Her response was “No, bc you wouldn’t appreciate them as much!” That has always stuck with me. I never questioned what mine or his parents do for our children. If it wasn’t for everyone in my children’s life. Our children wouldn’t be as loved, well taken care of, and taught many valuable things about life. We work together as a team, that’s what family is about!
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We are damned if we do, and damned if we don’t 
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Lyndsay. You have a very good friend in Cj. she gives very good advice. Hey Cj wanna give me some OMG, ADVICE.
The “my girls” part wouldn’t bother me but the making decisions for them part would. I will not allow grandparents on either side to overstep their boundaries and think that they make final decisions for my child. My husband and I will make those decisions.
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I call my grands and great grands my “girls” or “boys” as well
Honor your feelings, your intuition.
Toxic people can be crazy talented at acting like normal, even wronged, innocent people.
Trust that small voice inside, set firm boundaries, and enforce consequences if boundaries are broken.
She will either respect your authority or she will not. If she respects your thoughts or wishes, be grateful. If she does not respect your authority as their mother, cut her off.
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My MIL and yours sound like twins. My mom never overstepped us.
My mom did this too, and I just ignore my insecurities about it. Unless she’s undermining you, I wouldn’t think twice
So besides calling them “my girls” what else exactly does she do??
This is mild compared to what I’ve been through. Talk it out now. I offered counseling with my MIL🤦🏼♀️
Some people are just toxic. Do what’s best for you and your girls.
I used to feel threatened by my MIL until I had a discussion with my own mother. This was years ago. She put things in perspective for me and I let my MIL have her reign. My children are better for it. Now that I am a grandmother, my children give me reign. I just love them so much and they know who their parents are and always did. They got away with so much, but have wonderful memories. Be patient, you may find yourself in her shoes one day. Good luck.
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You know, when it was my first baby girl and my MIL would call her her little one and Baby girl it did bother me a bit but at the same time it was easy to see that she just loved my daughter so much and that made me happy. And as I had 2 more kids It became more natural to hear my babies or grandbabies because they mean so much to her that she would lay down her life for them in a heart beat and I’m so thankful they have that because my mom passed when my first was still a new baby. The only time I ever really stepped in it was hard because she is a strong willed woman but all it was about was the candy spoiling. I said its definitely ok once in a while but could you maybe do sweet fruits instead (I even threw in the whip cream idea) she looked at me smiled and said "Yeah no problem " alot easier then i thought it would be because i let her do most grandma things😁
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Yeep. I hated that. If I told my kids no for something then she would give them whatever they wanted and make some sort of comment towards me. Or how she’d tell them that I’m being a mean momma 
Even my dad did his own thing too. Doesnt matter if you live with them (I see a lot of people using that as an excuse for grandparents to do what they want). Those are YOUR kids, not hers. She can OFFER advice but to go ahead and make decisions regarding that child is a no, no. Sit down and talk to her about what is and isnt acceptable. Get the husband involved too. He shouldnt be feeling comfortable with someone else making parental decisions no matter who they are.
I can honestly get on board with what you’re feeling. Though she is mine; I very rarely refer to her as MINE but rather OURS. It seems you guys have a decent relationship with each other so just be honest and kindly tell her what you’re feeling.
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I love my granddaughter like I love my children. She’s my heart. When I look at her, I see my son. When i was a little girl, my dad told us, be careful with your grandma (his mom) she said she cant get close to you guys because she just doesn’t love you. Count your blessings. You could have a cold hearted witch for a MIL
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Could nevvvvvaaaaaaa
I think every mom does
Don’t feel like you’re in the wrong. If she is trying to act like mom then I’d definitely say something.
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If you don’t stand up for what you think is right it will only continue to get worse!!!
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If you love her than what is the problem. They are her girls, they are her granddaughters. You did not give an example of her taking your place it seems like she is the typical doting grandmother and very willing to help you, so figure out what this is really about and have the conversation with your MIL. My MIL helped me raise my two girls and it was a great help to me know that I could be at work worry free.
Why do I sense there is more to this that has you feeling this way
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Be happy she is in your life. My mil passed away a year ago and nothing has ever broken my heart the way seeing my husband hear break did. She was a pain in my ass for 15 years, and no ow she is just gone and I feel Terrible for ever thinking badly of her. 
Put your foot down now before it gets worse.
Go to therapy and explore why you feel like this. Best thing you can do.
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I call my grandchildren my babies. Doesn’t mean I want to take over. I think it’s just a grandma thing.
Read ‘Khalil Gibran…The Prophet… ‘ He has different short chapters about life. Puts things into perspective.
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I feel that way about my MIL sometimes too. I’ve started to draw the line where I feel like it needs drawing. My MIL takes it in stride and doesn’t fight me over things thankfully. I tell her all the time how much she’s appreciated and how I don’t know what we would do without her. There’s definitely a balance to maintain. You don’t want to burn that bridge but you do want to be a leading member for your child’s best interest. Try to remember that grandparents have different roles than parents in a child’s life and that it’s ok for grandparents to interact differently than you do with your child.
Relax, I just had my very first grandson and I also refer to him as my baby boy,we just love our grandchildren,if you love her as you say…leave it go.
Enjoy it my MIL was horrible person - when my kids where born never even bought them a gift and always said oh don’t call me grandmother - she insisted they call her by her first name ? Anyways she’s dead now and they have my own mother who showers them with love and practically beams with pride when she’s called “ granny “ MIL loss brought to the grave - love , happiness and special moments rewarded to living grandmother
It’s ok to feel like this. I’d say just let it go since they are her grand babies. But if she was trying to make decisions for them and give permission for something that is intimately up to you, then I would set boundaries or just talk to her about how you feel.
My FIL is the same with our girl and we both hate it. Even making decisions for her when we are right there.
Let her know how you’re feeling and set boundaries asap .
Your feelings are 100% valid
My Mil calls my kids “nanas babies” because they call her nana lol. But she does it out of love, she even calls our family dog “nanas puppy” lol. Its just because she loves all of them, she would never overstep or anything. I think your mil just loves her grandbabies. If it does bother you that much tho, you should just try to talk to her.
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Be firm in boundaries. If it makes you uncomfortable then make it stop. If she tries to make a decision for them then politely step in and tell her what the decision will actually be. That whole “my girls” crap is creepy and something mother-in-law’s often pull. Head over to reddit and check out r/justnomil. Lots of stories, advice, help on there!
Edited to add, if her opinions regarding your child offend you, definitely put some space between you two. It will only get worse. You don’t have to listen to her just because she’s “family”
Have a talk with her let her know how u feel maybe she doesn’t know she is over stepping
My mom & my MIL call my kids "my girls " & “my boy” or “my babies”… I find it annoying sometimes, so does my husband, but we thought that was what most grandparents say (well the ones that are in the kids lives anyways).
My mom is like this I have to constantly tell her no to things like my daughter is getting her own room soon we have been in a 1 bedroom since she was born and now moving to a 2 bedroom since she is now 2 and old enough to be on her own so im excited about decorating her room and I said this and she was like yeah I can’t wait till we decorate it I told her no I am decorating it
I can see where it bothers you. You ultimately make the final decisions as you are the parent. I would explain that to your MIL for she might understand.
You may need to have a sit down and make boundaries. I have had to with my mother.
Hahaha they are her girls her granddaughters duh
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Now i feel bad, i always call my grandkids my babies, i love them with all my heart, but their parents are the boss, well to three the other three im raising, but if my daughter or son n law ever had a issue i would think they would come to me , and nicely say something, it is done out of love
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Now ask yourself this, and answer honestly, would it bother you as much if it was YOUR mother doing this? 
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i call most of my friends kids my babies n love them all the same as mine (if not.more cuz i get to give them back at the end of a day 
) but unless she is making decisions that u are against (like over riding u in sum way) then feelings can pass n change n may e talk to her about it tell her how u feel n try talkin it out other than that maybe scream into a.pillow cuz i can’t wait to be a grandma (I’m preggo its not any timw soon ) so I can love n spoil n give them sugar highs n then give them back to my kids
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I understand this very well as I have a Korean MIL. Thankfully she isn’t as domineering as a lot are, but still gets bothersome. With that said, I know with her, the advice and decisions she makes are out of her cultural lense, and is just her trying to do good for everyone. Not sure if that’s your case. My point is, it’s impossible to not be a mom once you have a kid, no matter what age everyone is. Heck, even my own mom does this with my son. They don’t do it to negate your authority. Grandparents and their grandchildren share a special bond and the gp’s won’t be around forever. Try to keep that in mind when dealing with older family members.
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Claire Alexander do you feel like this when I say Rose is my girl??
I called my granddaughters my babies. Now my great grandsons .are my babies. I in no way are trying to take their mom’s place. It’s an endearment I love all them so much. If mother in law gives good advice take it . If not ignore…stop being resentful of her. Let her love her grand babies .they will be better in the long run.getting all the love they can. They can also feel your resentment
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If it upsets you, then talk to her about it and ask her to tone it down. My son’s father’s mother calls my son nana’s boy. It’s out of love.
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I always say my babies. Or my boys or girls. But I know my boundries.
Calling them “my girls” is one thing. It’s like a pet name but trying to make decisions for you? No thanks! Move along, bitchachos. You get the final say as their parent, and that’s that.
I love that my mil and my mom treat my son as if he’s theirs. It reassures me that if anything happens to me he will be well loved and cared for and because he’s used to seeing them as a parent-figure he knows to respect what they say. No one can replace you as a mom.
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I feel like it’s normal to feel that way. I did but have learned that’s it’s okay. I did express my concerns and it has helped but I have backed off and let grandparents do their thing. I enjoy seeing them spend time with my son and it makes him happy. However, there are boundaries. Set them more than likely they don’t realize they are overstepping because of their investment.
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I’m reading through comments and seeing that it’s a term of love for grandmas.
My situation is different and having anyone, my mother, mil, aunts, whoever call my son “my baby” doesn’t feel good to me. I have another child that I placed for adoption. I grew and birthed him. His mom and dad instantly said “my/our baby”. So when I hear someone say that towards my now son, it tugs at my heart strings. I have asked everyone that has said it not to, and only ran into one problem.
If it isn’t truly hurting you, let it slide. If it isn’t going against your wishes as a parent, let it slide.
If you feel boundaries are not set then try to be nice and set some 
Sorry I have no advice but I know my mil does this 
I know because she was trying to get my now two year old to call her mama
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In all fairness, Be thankful your kids have grandparents that are here, and involved!! I truly wish my two boys had theirs still!! They only have my mom, and their dads mom left and only one of them is consistently involved!! My dad was the comparison of your Mil, and how I wish he were still here to say my boys, or carry on about a decision he didn’t agree with for “his boys”!! Appreciate what you have b/c one day it will be gone!!
That’s twisted thinking if you’re getting jealous over a grandparent calling their grandchildren their babies or they’re girls/boys. My dad calls my son ‘his boy’. That’s all he calls him really lol. He calls my daughter ‘my love’. My mom calls both of my kids ‘her babies’. I call my niece and nephew my babies too. I think it’s messed up that you’re taking it personally and thinking she has malicious intent for that. Maybe get therapy?
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I can see both points to post, if you have such a good MIL personally id have chat with her about how you feel. Most chance is she will be horrified you feel like this. Im a granny and love my sons exs and their kids to death.
My mom, dad and MIL all call my children “my baby, my boy, my girl.” It’s a term of endearment and doesn’t bother me. Now, if your MIL is doing or saying things that override your authority,I could see why you are uncomfortable with that. Talk to her; communication is key…
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Grandparents feel a love for their grandchildren that a parent will not understand. My grandchildren are my kids also and I am proud of them and I love them. Let your kids love their grandparents you will find a blessing in it. Fyi grandparents dont want to take over our grandchildren we want to love and spoil them because they are our grandchildren.
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I call my grands “my babies “ I love them all dearly! I will take them anytime I get the opportunity, but I’m always glad to send them home…lol! As grandparents we want the best for them, and will do anything to help that happen, but we shouldn’t be stepping on toes to do it. Talk to her! I’m sure she doesn’t realize she’s hurting your feelings or making you feel that way.
My daughter in law and I don’t always see eye to eye, we have very different up bringing. I know my son loves her, and she makes him happy, so in turn I love her. The last thing I want to do is make her uncomfortable, so I try to be understanding that “ my way” isn’t “her way” . It isn’t always easy, but it’s necessary to get along. I want them to be happy, that means that I need to keep my mouth shut and my nose out of their business! Not all MIL understand this… maybe it’s time she does, just be kind, her heart is in the right place, it’s her nose that needs adjusting! Lol
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Man can’t believe this came up at this time! I always call my granddaughters my babies (my daughters) my son and his wife had a baby boy and I Had NO idea it Bothered her when I called I would say how’s my Baby doing? I Never would have known if they didn’t tell me. I Never meant any harm. To me it’s a term of endearment! I Love him so much! I don’t want to parent their child, I just want to be his Meme! I really do try hard not to use that wording now and actually feel like I’m on eggshells now afraid I will say it. So if you tell Your Mil and she slips at times don’t hold it against her. I’m sure she just loves them so much. Thanks for all the advice above I really thought I was in this alone.
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I personally dont think theres anything wrong with her calling them her babies- in a way- they are. They’re her grandchildren. And she loves them. You should put your foot down when she tries making decisions for them though fersure. Just imagine when your a grandma. Hope your never in her type of situation , sad honestly.
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My mom use to do that. She tried to get my son to call her Mama. Anyways. That was ten years ago and I haven’t spoken to her since. She was a wretched person already and I looked past a lot of things until I became a parent. I have zero regrets in ensuring my kids were never poisoned by her
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Yep all the damn time. My situation is a little more involved though. But I’ll be damned. Grandparents are grandparents. NOT birth parents. They need to step back.
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I would give anything to have my mil here to love my kids. My kids always knew who their mom was, and their granny.
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I think your perception of it is the issue honestly. I say from experience, my mom was not a doting mother who loved on me growing up, she was very absent. When I had kids my MIL was very very affectionate and would do this, as a new mom it did in fact bother me at first but that was my own childhood coming up and had absolutely nothing to do with her. She’s my ex MIL now but I wouldn’t want to replace the love she has for my boys aka her boys. I know she loves them as her own and I put myself in her shoes, I will absolutely be just as loving & proud of my future grandchildren. It’s a beautiful wonderful gift to have others that would give their entire hearts to my children. Maybe figure out exactly why you feel remotely replaceable because I can guarantee you she most likely has only the best intentions.
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I actually set boundaries as soon I had my first kid cause both my mother and my MIL acted like that was their kid and there is times now my mother crosses the line when I say no she immediately say yes or goes behind my back and give whatever they wanted and I keep reminding her those are her grandkids not her children and she has to let me raise them the way I see fit and to respect that
I’m sorry but be grateful and happy that she loves your kids so dearly. A lot of families are not close and are not very involved in grandkids lives!
I don’t think there’s nothing wrong calling them “my girls”. My mom calls her grand boys “my boys”. But the decision making should be between you and your husband. She can have an opinion but at the end of the it’s your and your husband.
My dad always called the grandkids my girl or my buddy/boy. My stepmom always calls them “my son” “my daughter” in Spanish. I don’t take offense. With my own grands I have tried to watch myself. My granddaughters momma was more sensitive to me calling her “my girl” and I picked up on it. When I refer to the granddaughters I say how are “our girls” how’s “our boy”. My DIL now know its a term of endearment and nothing more.
As for decision making, if uts in my house and they are asking permission to do something, yes I make the decision. If parents are there and they are asking for a snack or junk food I will tell them go ask mom or dad.
Without knowing the type of decisions your MIL is making, my suggestion, would be sit and talk with her. She may not realize she is stepping over boundaries.
What kind of decisions?? And when? Like they can have seconds when they stay with her? How is she even able to try to make any decisions for them? Not really enough detail there.
My sister would act like this sometimes. She never called them her kids that I know of but she acted like she did more for them then I did. I asked her one time who was the one to make sure they got to school every day even when it meant taking them on the city bus after working a night shift, who took them to the doctor or the ER when they where sick or hurt. The list went on. She shut up after that.
I had an ex-MIL that tried to come in my home and run my household. I was polite at 1st but she continued to try so I had to get really rude with her for her to get the point. Just sit down and tell her politely what you have a problem with and how it makes you feel. Let her know how much you love her also. It may take several talks for her to understand. If that doesn’t work then you might have to get rude like I did. I’ve never had this problem with my 2nd husband’s mom.