Time to cut the toxic grandparents out of your familys life …your kids will know /feel that they are not treated the same as the others …nobody needs that in their life …
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Make time for the ones who make time for you. That’s how I live. I have a lot of family, only a few are apart of my children’s lives. I refuse to make my child be apart of someone’s life if they don’t care to know them. Their loss not yours.
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Why should other people want to watch your kids for you?
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I know grandparents that have favoritism but it’s simple, just don’t ever go to them for anything. They don’t have to see their grandchildren. It’s their lost. Ask a friend to watch the kids for you if you need to. I just stopped caring about what others have to say and find my own ways to do things for my family. If they offer to help, sure. If not, I don’t go out of my way to ask.
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Maybe some time away from your bonus daughter and soon will make them miss them??? My parents didnt really spend time with mine till they were teens
Something is missing. What details are you omitting? Really it doesn’t matter, if they don’t want to watch them they don’t. Don’t ask or beg anymore, I guess you carry on without them in your life cause it seems they don’t want to be there.
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That’s horrible. You’re not crazy, they should be begging to spend time with your children.
Is it possible that they dislike your husband and that is where this trickles down from?
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Unfortunately, This isn’t that uncommon. You can’t make people love your kids if they don’t. I know it’s sad. I know it’s hurtful. Your kids just won’t grow up knowing them well. That’s your parents loss because I’m sure your kids are great and deserve to be treated better.
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I feel like my mom hates my kids too… Unless, they are doing something for her. 
But, then again, I feel like she hates me too. She picks little fights with me, for no reason and always plays the victim. 
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I think this started long before your children were born.
Something happened between you your husband and your parents. If not cut ties period.
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TOXIC cit the off yesterday. Do not put your kids through that bs. And tell the kids the truth they are bad people and we don’t like them around you. When her old miserable butt is on her death bed tell her go to hell like she told you n yours
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I had to take my kids everywhere with me because everyone refused to watch them both together. It I had anyone willing to watch one they would always make it clear the other had to be watched by someone else. My boyfriend’s mom refused to watch my son that’s not her biological grandson because she’s legally nothing to him and if he gets hurt she cant do anything for him. Eventually I started asking my aunt who I wasn’t the biggest fan of when I was a kid I hated staying at her house but she was the only one who would willingly watch both at once and they absolutely love her.
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Sounds like my mother in law! I don’t know but I know the kids feel it too. I decided that my kid is too damn good for her! It’s her loss! I will not beg anymore for her to be a decent grandmother, I’m just done with her!
My aunt raised me, soy kids call her nonna. Before I was a sahm she watched my girl all the time. Still bitched and let her fall asleep even when I said DONT. But my little dude, has only been baby sat twice. Her other grand kids are 21,18,15, Mia’s 9, then the goo is 16 months. She’s just an old crany bitch now. The baby where’s me the fuck out and I’m only 33. She’s almost 70. So I kinda understand. It would be nice to be able to depend on her more but if he kicks my ass I could imagine how she feels.
Ages of children can make difference too. Younger children are harder on older gparents. And differences on how to correct them also. Sit down and talk with them if it doesn’t help then keep kids away. Just feel like there is more going on behind this.
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I’d stop talking to them all together. That’s awful! None of u should be treated like that
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I know it’s hard because it’s your mom not even in laws especially with the surgery you just had , but my best advice is keep ppl even if it’s your own mother away from your kids if they are not loved or wanted . Your kids DO NOT deserve that . And believe me the only one who will win out of this is you and your kids she will miss out on her grandkids and daughter and you will grow as a mom and woman and your kids will see how strong mom was and look up to you for that . Don’t let anybody reject or make your kids feel like they are not good enough .
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Tell them off and go on with your life. Will be there regret not yours!!
Maybe they have issues with u or your hussy and not the kids…
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The other kids are in school could be a big difference with them having to do less for them than a 1 year old. They may also be thinking your step daughter isn’t their responsibility. Is it right? No hopefully they’ll come around.
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I have in laws who are like that
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I hear these stories all the time! It’s so common but not ok at all, I don’t understand why grandparents do this! I think you should cut them off, I usually tell people to talk to them first but really? If you have to tell your family members to change that’s already horrible. Just feel that you are not alone and your feelings are VALID.
It’s the bonus daughter or your husband. I only say that because my mother has never liked my bonus daughter and has gone out of her way to not include her (and her children) for 23yrs. She goes above and beyond for the biological ones. It’s unfair and super shitty but that could be the culprit.
Rocio von Vietinghoff again.
They are missing out best of there lives
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I would be pissed and would call them out. Ask them flat out why they like the other kids and hate yours and see their response. I suspect they don’t want to take yours cause you likely don’t want the step-kid cause that child is not yours. It would be a sad and horrible excuse. Call them out. If they still claim they don’t, mention how often they gladly take the other ones and how often they refuse yours. I personally, would then say “you know what, clearly you made up your mind that my kids and myself are not family to you and we are only a burden. lose my number and I will lose yours. have a nice life” and hang up and don’t answer. Being called out may be their wake up call and they may realize then what they are doing. They truly may not even realize it.
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They sound toxic, cut them off and don’t make an effort anymore. If they want to speak to you fine but it seems like it’s you just you reaching out.
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All I can think of is to have a sit-down talk w them with your husband present; where you are firm in what you have to say, have specific examples. It will be their loss if they don’t apologize and change. Good luck to you. 
We have issues with favoritism as well but honestly I just dont care anymore. It’s their loss and eventually the kids will figure it out and will say something themselves. I used to get mad but if they dont see it then the only person it’s going to bother is you. We didnt even get invited to Christmas despite the fact we moved down here to be closer to everyone.
It is their loss. We went to the beach and had a blast. My kids have a relationship with one set of my inlaws I dont care of way or the other if they have one with the other set.
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Love all my grandkids,keep four out of 5,my oldest only seen maybe 10 times and she is ten
I feel like unfortunately there’s a lot of grandparents that do this. How? Idk because they are all just kids and should be treated the same. I’d suggest you just start cutting them off as much as it hurts. Like others have said, they will notice the difference when they grow up. I don’t have time for that crap and I wouldn’t want my kids to feel a certain way- that’s how resentment builds up as well. So if they don’t care about your kids then so be it, they will most likely notice when ur not coming around or bringing them around anymore. When they ask why just simply say why.
We have a family member who shows clear favoritism to the other kids in the family so we stopped seeing them for the most part. I can’t force someone to treat my kids fairly but I can refuse to put my children in that situation.
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Maybe they dnt hate them but there’s deff a reason they dnt really want to be around them .
My mother is like this. I finally learned not to push or force a relationship with her or my kids. Things are much better now. I don’t expect anything from them nor do I need anything. I will not subject my kids to the favoritism.
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Maybe shes getting burnt out from having the other grandkids so much. It still isn’t fair to take it out on you and your kids but its a possible explanation. My grandma got super burnt out from watching my sisters kids everyday and refused to watch any kids for a while, she would only see the grandkids if there was someone else there responsible for them.
The best thing I can tell you is. Start making baby steps of stepping away. Don’t allow your kids to be hurt by people like this. I wouldn’t ask them to help. It will hurt you. But it’s not right for the kiddos.
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Yes your parents are awful ,I wouldn’t even associate with them if I were you!
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Theyre gas lighting you, not okay at all.
I wouldn’t put my kids in my parents’ care if g’ma & g’pa don’t like them.
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I’ve been dealing with the same thing from my dad & step mom. They show favortism to her daughters kids & ignore all my dads grandkids. They’ll take those kids on wknds, buy them gifts for bdays & christmas…but my dads grandkids never get to stay over, nor do they ever get gifts. They travel to her daughters house for wknds or holidays, but never travel to the homes of his children.
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Maybe its the step-daughter that they don’t want to babysit, some parents don’t really care for step and some do!! Try and see if they’ll watch your son without the step daughter? But other than that, wow… I’d can’t even imagine what your going through. All I can say is sorry!!
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My best friend goes through this and it’s mainly because she has kids from a different relationship and her husband’s parents only care for the one they have together. Also chasing a baby is different than having children school age. I used to have that issue everyone always wanted my older daughter and not my younger until she was potty trained. Don’t deal with it, they will see when your kids don’t go over at all.
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Don’t ask them for anything anymore. Don’t go above and beyond for them to see your kids. Don’t alienate them either. But don’t force it. I rather keep my child home with me then send them somewhere that they might be neglected, mistreated or made to feel less than.
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If you feel this way…why keep asking…just move on…parents or not dont force it
I dont understand how your parents can do this, especially with the surgery issue. That would have been the last straw for me. To not be supportive of me on a personal level is wrong. Maybe its not so much your children they have issues with as it is an issue with you and they project that to the children? Either way, I am of the opinion of most of the other posters. It sucks, but do what needs to be done. Best of luck.
My parents have never helped me. If I asked it was always they were busy or wanted money. $50 a day!!! We don’t even talk to them now
As a gramma I couldn’t even imagine. I’m so sorry for your whole family, shame on your parents.
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I wouldn’t let it bother you and then they may see what they are doing
I have the same issue it’s hard to understand and accept I just tell myself that they are the ones missing out ,its not right but I’d rather them be with me and my husband then grandparents who dont want them there
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I wouldn’t bother asking them anymore. It’s a shame really. Grandbabes are the bestest 
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this but if I could offer advice, let it alone. Don’t ask them for anything, ever.
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Sound like they feel some type of way about your stepdaughter. They prob feel like she’s a family burden because she isn’t blood related - which is BS. I would just do the fade and phase them out.
Im so sorry you are going thru this. I know exactly what it feels like and it’s even worse when the children start to notice it and ask you crying why they are not treated the same as the other grandchildren. Honestly the best thing to do is walk away. Your only hurting yourself and your children might notice the difference one day. You addressed the issue and they acted like your crazy and it’s the same thing that happened to me and guess what, they didn’t change and in fact continue to do it! So my best advice to you is walk away it will be the best thing you ever do.
My baby dads mom is exactly like this. Just cut them off. They’re toxic asf.
I always knew my in-laws favored my sister-in-laws children. My oldest is 30 youngest 15. Four daughters in all. Was told the same thing too sensitive it’s in your mind. My in-laws do not even speak to my children for about a year. Have a vacation house won’t allow my children in it. My advice they aren’t going to change. Stop asking. Your children are young they won’t miss them. I put up with it for 30 years. Don’t give them the chance to hurt your kids.
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I wouldn’t give them the time of day to explain themselves. I would cut my losses parents or not. When they come knocking wanting to know why you don’t speak to them then I’d explain your reasons. If they don’t come knocking then you have your answer.
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Move on and cut them out.
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Frankly, it sounds like your parents don’t deserve time with your kids. It’s okay to feel like they don’t like your kids and it’s okay to cut them out of your kids’ lives.
My mother-in-law and sister-in-law treat my kids like crap because they hate me and my husband and I cut them off so fast.
As parents, it’s our responsibility to keep toxicity out of their lives and protect them. If your parents want to treat them like garbage, they don’t need to be around them.
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Dont force someone into your childrens life, if your kids grow up not knowing their grandparents thats on the grandparents not you.
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Wooow I would confront her in a not so nice way, then dump her out of your life. Such double standards!
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Maybe is because you bring your stepdaughter and they don’t see her like their grandchild ? Maybe they just want to watch and care for the baby?
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Gaslighting. Begin separating entirely. It’s sad but the sure way to save your children from the pain if rejection. Primarily your mother who is straightforward with her ugliness.
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People dont like changing diapers, cant blame them . Maybe they may not feel the same about your step daughter as you do , that’s out of your control.
Give them a bit till your son gets older and is a little more independent. Maybe things will change .
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I’d honestly… And this is me… Let go and smack a bitch. Because that is seriously bullshit for them to call favoritism and hateful attitude and it’s uncalled for
I felt that way for years. Our youngest three were my parents’ last grandchildren. I didn’t know if they had become burned out with kids because they didn’t treat our oldest two that way. Also, my sister was divorced and I think in some sick way they thought they could make up for it by favoring hers and shunning mine.
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Does it have anything to do with their behavior? I feel like there’s more to this.
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I don’t get why grandparents act like this. Thankfully my kids have amazing grandparents in their lives. But I wasn’t as lucky growing up. My grandma used to make it very clear that she didn’t like me when I was younger. She didn’t treat me the way she treated my brothers, or all my cousins. And I remember all of it. It’s not a fun feeling to know your grandma doesn’t like you. If I were you, I would tell them how you feel, and give them a chance to change how they act. If they don’t, you’re kids don’t need them.
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I am a grandmother. I do not like baby sitting. I don’t like being tied down. I was the oldest of 10 kids! It is the grandmothers choice. Why push it on them when it is clear they don’t want to. In case of surgery and something like that I would gladly baby sit
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i hate to ask… but does your child/children misbehave? maybe they are bratty for them…
if not… idk
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Toxic is toxic. Cut them out.
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I know this pain… similar yet different situation. You need to communicate and be upfront about how this makes you feel and also how it’s going to make your children feel when they are old enough or if they are old enough to recognize the favoritism . Favoritism shouldn’t be allowed but problem is we can’t change it… worst feeling as a mother is to feel as though your kids aren’t loved or wanted as much as other siblings or family, I would state my case and put some distance up; it’s all or nothing, my friends mothers or MILs or even step mothers who become grandmothers are pushing 5-8 baby’s around at a time idk how the hell they do it but they love them all the same and never complain . Some woman get lucky with their support system, some like me have little to no support system, let your parents know how they are making you feel, a hysterectomy is a highly emotional and sensitive thing for a woman to go through, the last thing anyone should be doing is making you worry who is going to help out with your children… and treating them like a burden instead of doing what they can and coming together as a family to help you… I am so sorry you’re going through this I know how it feels.
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Have you been critical when they watch them?
I dont think they dislike your children, its maybe you and your husband?
There’s a reason they’re acting like this, count on it.
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Well my kids were fairly small when my in-laws died well I shouldn’t say that my oldest daughter got married and my mother-in-law died the next day so up until the age of 18 but I didn’t have that issue my in-laws were divorced in my father-in-law was remarried my parents have been gone for a while but they both wanted to see my children and I would give anything to see more of my grandchildren well my kids were fairly small when my in-laws died well I shouldn’t say that my oldest daughter got married and my mother-in-law died the next day so up until the age of 18 but I didn’t have that issue my in-laws were divorced in my father-in-law was remarried my parents have been gone for a while but they both wanted to see my children and I would give anything to see more of my grandchildren I’m not sure why I don’t see him as much but every time I complain to my friends about it they’re like well it’s just life and everybody’s busy so I just go with it cuz I don’t think I did anything to upset them I’m more than willing to watch them I’m not so feeble that I can’t watch small children
Maybe it has nothing to do with your children, but maybe its the stress of having all the kids under their care? I’m just trying to think outside the box here. Maybe they have the other kids so much that adding two more into it would be stressful, just a thought
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I wouldn’t ask them ever again
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My youngest son’s almost 11 years old my parents (my mom) or my dad and step mom have never watched my son not one time.
Don’t ask them to watch the kids anymore. Problem solved. Unfortunately I lost the relationship with my father and his new wife. She favored her kids and grand kids and made my children feel like a burden or obstacle. It’s been twenty years and they still never reached out to the kids. It was actually the best thing I did. They received love so much from the other side of our family that it was enough for them. Don’t worry about it. Understand your kids feelings come first. If someone says no then don’t ask ever again
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Just stop talking to them. Don’t take your kids around them. When they ask why tell them how their behavior influenced your decision. Move on. If they care they’ll change.
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First of all let me say this makes me very 
and breaks my heart 
for your kids because I am a grandma of 26 years second of all karma will bite them on their butts and will bite hard, and third of all I have 17 grandkids two great grandkids and one on the way and I love:heart: them all the same and would not ever do favoritism and if any step grandkids come into the family I will love:heart: them just as much, so I don’t know why they are doing this to your kids and not only that they shouldn’t be doing it in the first place, and also kids do sense these things even at a very young age and they will know this about them and one day they will go to them and ask them why don’t they love them like they do the other grandkids , but then it may be too late…so I wonder what will their answer be that they will give to them…I’m so sorry for your kids about this situation, I wish you all the best of luck:four_leaf_clover:
and I hope things turn around for you all… take care and God bless ya’ll… 
oh yeah one more thing once the other kids grow up and start turning away from them then they will regret it because then they are going to want your kids to hang around so with that being said you should keep your kids away from them because it will break their hearts:broken_heart: to see this happening all the time and plus to see how it comes about… they will regret it then but then it may be too late because your kids probably won’t have nothing to do with them… unless they forgive them which will be the right thing to do and that will make them feel very small of theirselves,… God bless you all 
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Geez… I’m glad I don’t have this issue some of these posts sound horrible. 
And soOo toxic to kids and they’re going to get self esteem issues.
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I feel this way towards my sons fathers family. Not necessarily hate but dont care about or love him! BUT he has my family and a whole village who DOES love him and thats all that matters!
Time to cut them out of your life 
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I’m in the sameboat.
Smh sounds like my mom (but that’s her behavior towards my nieces (who are actually in her care)… she treats my daughter like she’s a messiah or something I hate it! Anyway DONT ask them for help anymore if they wanna act fishy towards your kids, they don’t need that in their lives!
I had the favoritism problem with my mother in law… we cut her off… my babies don’t need ppl that don’t care about them near them… now when she sees us around or we see her she try’s talking to my toddler but my toddler doesn’t recognize her at all/ totally ignores her… she’s the one missing out. Now if it hurts her that’s her fault not mine or my husbands. My babies have the best grandparents in my parents. We give all the love she needs.
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A few things…
- Your son just turned a year? And i hate to say it but age plays a factor. Both the kids age AND your parents. My grandma “watches” my cousin who is 12 but doesn’t watch my 2 and 6 year old. Why? Because they require more attention, more energy, and are more physically demanding.
- While you’re telling us that your kids don’t misbehave. No kids are angels; and you don’t seem receptive to hearing any negative remarks.
- How did YOU treat them when they watched your kids? Did give them a crap ton of rules? Its one thing to have boundaries they’re healthy…BUT its another thing entirely to apply so many rules that its hard to function at a normal level.
I watched a little boy (2 years old) along with having my own baby (he was 4 months) and special needs (then 4 years)…and the mom had spoiled this kid. At 2 years old he wanted (he could walk) to be CARRIED EVERYWHERE. And according to the mom i should have just obliged him. It infringed on my ability to take care of my own children. That was a big issue for me. Especially since when i told him i would not carry him the (literal) 2 steps to the table to eat he started freaking out and almost hit the baby. I’d planned to discuss these issues with the mom to work out a plan…a way to accommodate her child while allowing me to still care for mine. But as soon as i said anything she found another babysitter. She did not want to hear it.
I think you need to have another conversation with your parents, and be ready to accept that you may not like what they have to say.
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Omg! That is so crazy, I always wanted to take care of any of my grandbabies no matter if they were bad or good, so I think I just wouldn’t even ask them anymore, probably better off!!! And IAM so sorry for their loss… But do let them know how hurtful they are being… Wow, some people just don’t get it do they???.
Sounds like my mom… if they always have their other grandchildren then they should make time for your children as well. I would have a talk with them and see what they have to say but if the situation doesn’t get any better I’d just start having nothing to do with them. For one, it’s not fair to your kids that they act like that. And second, if family can’t be bothered to help you out when you need it, then you don’t need them that’s what family is supposed to be for.
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I would distance my family from them. No invites to birthday parties, or special events. If they ask, just tell them. They are trying to invalidate your feelings and concerns and that’s not okay. You don’t need their negativity around your children.
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Maybe the grandparents are just tired. I’m a grandparent and my kids complain I don’t take the little ones. Which I’m raising my almost 8 year old granddaughter since born ( daughter lived home when she had her and when she moved out , granddaughter just stayed here ) I would love to take my other grandkids but I’m already stressed to the max and never have a break ( she does go to school ). It’s hard adding another one when you have one 24/7. Plus my dogs are old and just not toddler friendly anymore it’s to stressful on them also
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I will love and take care of all my grandchildren, blood or blessing from God from another mother or father! I do not understand this mentality! I hope they come to see the error of their ways… makes me sad!! They could have the blessing of a child to love and be loved by!!
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As a grandparent of many, many grandkids, we do what we can for all of them when we can. But my youngest child has two small children and has been in and out of trouble their whole life. While baby mama is all about baby mama. My husband and I have had these kids 90% of the time their whole lives. We provide whatever they need, they go on vacation with us. And everything here is theirs because this is home to them regardless of the fact they live with their mother, they are just there, a distraction from her phone and social life. I have been told that we show favoritism by my other kids. My other grandkids have everything from their parents that these two do not. We are older and it is a lot sometimes on me just with the two. But we feel very protective of them as if we are their parents, because right now their parents suck. I hate it that my kids think I don’t love them or their kids as much as I do these two. Because that’s not the case at all.
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I wouldn’t ask them emy more, just get a sitter.
Fuck em. It’s their loss. End of the day they don’t have to watch your kids but it sucks that they don’t care to spend any time with them. It’s really your parents who are missing out. I would distance myself from them, just stop coming around, stop keeping them updated on your life and your kids lives. They don’t wanna be around?? Fuck em. Your mom sounds mean in how she talked to you about them. I don’t wanna say cut ties but I’d deffinately stop letting it bother me and stop trying to force it. Just live your life, they know where you are.
For one thing… You had surgery without your mother… Dear freaking God my grown daughter would never have surgery without me… That all by itself is enough to explain your situation… I hear about parents/grandparents like this… And as much as I would hate to say this but maybe you should stay away… Your parents might feel overwhelmed already having your siblings kids so much, but that is no excuse for not being there for you during such a critical time in your life… Find an emergency sitter so you do not ever have to ask them for anything again…
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I’m not going to comment on her feelings towards these kids but I tell you what she damn sure be cut out of my life and theirs…
If the OP sees this send me a message.
Is the age difference a problem? Maybe yours are younger. If not then i would cut them off.
Nope. I would talk to them and say you have watched my kids 2x, you have my nieces and nephews more in a week than you have had my kids in a year. Are the other grandkids older!? Maybe it is an age thing… But unless they are visiting I would be upset to. I would cut them off if it continued.
Sounds like they don’t like you or your husband much either
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Honestly she don’t sound much like a mom. If she don’t wanna be around your kids don’t force her to. She’ll be the one missing out on watching them grow up to be amazing individuals. I’d cut off all contact. That’s what I do with my kids. If they like one of my kids and not the other I say bye and I don’t talk to them or if they act like my kids are a burden to them. Sometimes its healthier to set boundaries with people. I know it’ll be hard because she’s your mom but looking at the big picture she don’t seem to care much about your feelings, your husband’s feelings, or even your kids feelings.
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