My husbands father and step mom are like this. Once her kids had kids ours (and us) didnt exist. We all no longer have a relationship. Its been almost 4 years.
sounds like some of my family… and thus i quit going around or taking my kids around them…
Just because they are family, for any mean you need to entertain toxic people in your life, if they have an issue with you or hour kids and cant see it, walk away
1 Like
Ask straight out why they don’t watch your kids but do the other. Put them a spot where they need to answer.I’d wait til they needed something and give them the same answer
6 Likes
Look up narricist and Golden child.
1 Like
I wouldn’t say they hate them. Just that their plates are already super full. They already raised their kids n now their stuck with their grandkids all the time n don’t want to take on more. That’s what I get from it. Not all grandparents want to babysit n stuff
2 Likes
Your parents mage me sick. The favoritism is obvious and they made you feel crazy knowing dam well what they were doing and would continue doing.
Our not bother with them at all
2 Likes
Why does she watch the other kids so much? Sounds like she’s burned out on kids from watching the others… she’s not expressing herself very kindly. Do you have a good relationship with her)
Some people are like that. Most people dont believe their kids are badly behaved. That I’ve seen over and over. But ot seems to me that they probably prefer your sister over you. It probably has little to do with your kids. Sounds like it’s time to cut them out of your life.
1 Like
I would go by their wishes and never ask them again. I also would stop visiting. Let them do what they want and karma will show them 5heir mistakes in future.
9 Likes
I would move or stop contact with them. They are worthless and you and your family are not a priority.
2 Likes
Their acceptance of your step-child may not be complete thereby presenting feelings of alienation towards your children. Not nice, sit her down, talk with her. If you cannot bring her around perhaps it is best you refrain from seeing her on a regular basis.
3 Likes
Went through this with my mom too. Guess what? Kids are grown and have busy lives and now grandma wants to see them and wonders why they don’t want to see her.
10 Likes
My dads the same, he’ll watch my niece n nephews but if I want my 2 babysat it’d have to be an emergency situation.my children out of the 5 grandkids are the best behaved so it’s not because he doesn’t want to deal with an attitude.
If I were you I’d straight up ask them to their face… “why do you dislike our children? You have the other kids near every weekend,yet when was the last time you spent time with ours? Where was your support when I had to go to hospital?no where, coz husband had to stay home and I had to be on my own…because you refuse to watch our kids,ever,theyll see the favouritism one day, and it’ll break their hearts”
It’s either about you or your husband believe me been there. It’s not the children.
1 Like
We experienced favoritism at christmas this year with my husband’s parents. Fuck that shit! I’m not going to force them. They won’t see my son of they are like that.
Don’t take them over there if they feel that way it’s there loss I wouldn’t have nothing to do with them sounds like to me there taken favoritism in the kids also I would just forget about them if there going to act like that
1 Like
You know you got this i would distance my family i will not let my kids see me fighting for the love from others show them they have all the love they need and the other family members can go on not knowing what they are missing.
1 Like
I am a Grand Mother!! If you feel you can’t do for one then you shouldn’t do for none. These Gran babies are of your parents blood, they should feel honored and privileged that they get to see them, that you want them in your children’s lives. I feel personally that the behavior is dispicible and as painful as it may be you might want to remove your family from the negativity. I remember going through the same with my family when my son was around 2. I had to work and I was pulling a double, this particular occasion I asked my parents to sit for me, it was on the weekend they weren’t working. I was a rehab worker and my clients were handicapped mentally and physically, not a place for children. Low and behold my parents pull up and tell me they can’t watch my son they were going out to eat. That lit a fire under me so damn hot I moved out. Coming from this side of the Looking glass the behavior is pretty petty and immature and if your parents choose not to sit or be involved even from the sidelines I would tell them personally how it effects you and your children and never ask for another thing again. Make it a point that you and your husband only rely on each other. I know it’s a bit harsh sometimes we have to be when it comes to our children.
Don’t bother with them,They’re shitty grandparents,parents,and people.I wouldn’t want my kids around them.It’s not a mole,or even a mountain,but the damn Alps,Rockies,and Everest combined.That’s so messed up.I’m sorry that they’re missing out on your kids.
Maybe they keep the other ones so much because they feel like their parents suck, and they think you have your shit together. Still sucks but that’s my first thought as a mom and grandma.
No one has to watch your kids let alone some one else’s no matter who else’s they watch
1 Like
I know how you feel. My kids are 2&5 and their grandparents have never watched them. I quit asking and flat told them I would never ask them to watch them bc they haven’t offered up to this point. The other grand children is a different story. Don’t worry about it, the kids will see. It’s hard and sucks for them, but you can’t force something that isn’t there.
Maybe they are not comfortable watching the step child. Not agreeing with them just saying that may be the issue. Are all of the other grandkids natural?
few points here:
a. kids act different for different people
b. they may not feel the step kid is theirs, not right but a possibility
c. some people bond better with older kids so that may be an issue
d. trying to get someone to be invested in your child is not worth the brain cells it takes. if they want to be in their lives then great if they don’t then love your kids extra hard to make up to it. you ant make people be involved you your lives and it isn’t worth it to try.
They’re gaslighting you, making you feel crazy when you’re being reasonable, anyone who says you’re crazy to perfectly logical examples is just trying to make you second guess yourself. They really seem to be having a negative impact on your mental health and your new family you’ve created. The sad thing is we can’t make our parents care and it’s absolutely heartbreaking when they don’t, especially when you have kids of your own and know how the parent/child relationship should be. The best thing to do is to minimize time with them, try not to give them the opportunity to make you feel terrible, just don’t ask them to take the kids, but if you get a text like that again about caring for the kids during an emergency situation, I would be snarky back, they deserve it.
I am so sorry that you feel this way and I am so sorry that your mom can’t see what she is losing. I just lost my only son a couple of weeks ago and wish with everything in my body I could watch his children. I will never have the wonderful gift of holding his children. I hope your mom wakes up before it’s to late. Good luck. And remember your kids are the ones you have to protect not her.
A son just turning one is a gem? I am glad for you. They HAD to watch him for 2 months and they complained? He was a baby then? My son as a baby was very hard to take care of. Colic. Fortunately my Mom was very helpful with suggestions but never took care of him. I didn’t expect her to. Your kids testing the limits at their place? I seldom asked Mom to take care of mine though she still had my younger siblings at home. She would have if I had a procedure like yours though. Are the others older and don’t require so much energy? Just find a stand-by babysitter and leave her out. A friend or neighbor maybe and pay. Your Mom would really hurt my feelings I would not ask anymore. That is me though. Put the guilt trip on her when she doesn’t see them!!
Honestly I think it’s just time to not let them watch them or even bother asking them to do anything regarding them a d don’t invite them to special events like birthday parties or anything else because they clearly are favoring the other Grand kids and don’t see anything wrong with it
easy, find someone else & stop worrying about them not watching your kids.
There can be 2 approaches: 1). Confront your parents and stop them when they try to brush it off. 2). Don’t approach because they can’t or won’t be honest. Avoid them. Don’t respond to their heartless texts and calls. My children’s father and step mom are the same way. I find it to be distasteful on a few levels. If they don’t accept All of you, then they shouldn’t get any of you. Understand? I have been the outcast of both sides of my family even though I was the most responsible. It hurt for many years, but I learned that their bad behavior wasn’t ever going to change. I also wouldn’t participate during their hard times. I mean if they didn’t want me around except when I could financially bail them out, well then, they didnt deserve me at all!
I’m being honest when I say it’s painful emotionally. However, I became strong through their lack of compassion. I’ve been through several surgeries and they refused to help. Move on!
You are amazing and you got this mama don’t worry about them unfortunately you can’t choose your blood. I don’t have very many babysitters either so it’s kind of a bummer but my family is the same way. But I will be damned if they belittle my children and make them feel worthless. I would not take them over there anymore. The sad part is it’s not going to affect your parents because they could care less but your children deserve more so let the trash take itself out
Be busy with your life. Don’t call or text back. Make them feel crazy if they hunt you down and ask why you’re ignoring them. But you need to find new people to watch your kids. Husband’s ex? His family? A cousin? Obviously you have siblings. Someone else. Either they’ll notice you’re gone and when they ask why tell them they’re crazy. You’ve totally been around. Just busy. Make time for people who watch your kids. And talk about them with your parents if they come asking after you. It’s a 2 way street. It’s a little petty and passive aggressive, but so are they. 