I’ve currently been with my partner 8 months. I have two children from my previous relationship but I feel like my partner has an issue with my children or maybe doesnt like them. He doesn’t have any sort of bond, doesn’t speak to them much they are 4 and 7. He also has two children from his previous relationship and I can see a big difference on how he is with his own children compared to how he is with mine. We’re also engaged I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my partner doesn't like my kids
Girl, just walk away now. Kids come first.
Always choose your children
I would bring it up now. Because if not I wouldn’t be getting married. If you feel this way now it will only be miserable later. Your a package deal sorry kids come first
Get out! Always choose your children over any man!
Yep. Bring it up now and if it’s a defensive fight just leave
Being compatible with kids is a deal breaker for me. Maybe he is scared to get close maybe he’s afraid to over step boundaries. We must all be able to mesh together. So if it’s a concern now you had better get to having a tough discussion about it or figuring out if that type of relationship is what you want because if you feel it the kids feel it too and it won’t just get better.
I’d try talking to him about it but if there in no change I would just walk away from the relationship there in no relationship more important than the relationship with ur kids
I feel like everything is so rushed. I mean, people do things at their own paces, but you’re 8 months in, he’s already met your kids, and you’re engaged? Maybe take a step back. Postpone the engagement for awhile. Because if you’re feeling like this now, it won’t change after marriage. Have you sat down and talked about how you feel he is with your children over his? Maybe he doesn’t realize what he’s doing? Maybe it feels awkward to him? Maybe he doesn’t want to overstep? Try to have a heart to heart with him. And slow down with the relationship. Figure out any problems now before marriage.
Think how your children feel
I would never let anyone make my kids feel like they’re 2nd to anyone or anything. Nope.
Put your kids first. Leave and don’t rush the next relationship before you know that the person you plan to spend your life with is a good match for your kids. Partners come and go but your kids will always be your kids.
This isn’t even a question. Not treating your children the same as his children is a deal breaker
As a mother how someone not only treats your child but also feels about them should always matter.If he isnt treating your children the way they deserve to be treated then WHY are you even still with this man let alone engaged to him.Your child come first no matter what.8 months you’ve been with him and he shows no interest to form a bond with your kids…this is not the man for you or your children!
This entire post screams red flag
Your babies come first ALWAYS!!!
Well … you’ve been with your partner 8 months. So how long has he had to spend with your kids? Do you have full custody? Does he? How long have you guys known each other and your kids?
While he definitely should be trying to bond with your kids it is a little unfair to expect someone you’ve been with less than a year to have a bond with your children like he does with his own that I’m just going to assume he’s seen/been involved with since birth.
Relationships take time - even for the kids. They need to come first and they deserve to have someone stable, consistent, and loving in their lives. If you have doubts, do not get married. You’ve been together 8 months - that’s nothing to learn what people are really like.
Easy. Kids come first. He ain’t trying so he shud be flying
leave. kids come first. shouldn’t have even accepted a ring from him without him having a bond with your kids first.
Address that immediately. Maybe he doesn’t realize how cold he’s being, or maybe he does. Either way, address it asap. Kids feel and notice everything and don’t deserve that.
Red flag. Why be with someone who doesn’t even have a bond let alone a conversation with them.
Have you tried talking to him about this? It could be that he’s trying to move at their pace. If it’s not like that and he actually doesn’t want to play the bonus dad role then please do not marry him. You’re going to set yourself up for a world of problems if that’s the case.
If you can’t accept my kids, then that’s a deal breaker for me. We’re a package deal. I didn’t let my daughter meet my hubby now for a pretty good while when we first got together. He’s an amazing man but her heart has been broken too many times by her own father so I didn’t want to put her through rejection again. We’re one happy family now but she absolutely came first in my eyes. If he couldn’t take us both, end of relationship
Always choose your children!!! Talking from experience it will never change! I wish my mother would have walked away!!! Please think about how it will be on them in the long run.
Respectfully… that was for you to allow that man to date not only you but your children before you even settled with him! You would have seen the interactions and how he treated an cared for them before you even moved forward! It’s not even a question at this point if you feel this way gracefully move on so someone can come along and love on those babies!
Doesn’t like my children then I don’t like him.
As for me my children are paramount and the man in my life supposed to accept my children if after 8 months he can’t come around do what you feel is best where your children’s interest are concerned
The bond with the kids is usually created before the engagement, just sayin’
Don’t do that to your kids. If he can’t treat them the same, you need to leave. Your kids don’t deserve that. And if you put him first over your kids, you’re a crappy mom and you’re failing your kids.
My two boys and my husband bonded real quick. He took them in from day one. Never settle for less if it involves ur kids. I’m lucky to have such a good man to love my kids like their his. Now they call him Daddy and that was their choice. 5 years later, they can’t go a day without him. Don’t settle. Find a man that loves ur kids just as much as he loves you from the beginning.
So you’re going to marry a man that you don’t think likes your children?? Ummmm
8 months together and you already have a blebded family? You didn’t think to take things slower for your children’s sake? Yeesh.
It’s always easy when it’s your kids. It’s only been 8 months so maybe he needs more time and activities to grow close to them? Communicating goes a long way. But doesn’t start on Facebook
Dump him. Your kids are FAR more important.
My kids are I are a package deal … you don’t like my kids you don’t like me . That being said you’ve only been together 8 months maybe he’s not sure what role to take on without overstepping… it’s worth a conversation. But my kids come first & deserve all the love .
The kids see how he is as well…
If you feel it then it’s true and you probably already know what to do. Personally, It was more important how my children were treated than what I felt for any guy. If someone can’t treat your children right then they’re not the right person.
Don’t get married for sure!
I can’t speak without being disrespectful here soooo yea smdh
Its simple u don’t ever marry a man who hates ur kids that’s a big no no, you cant be serious its only but obvious that u should move on its only 8 months not 8 years he should flip off
Then leave, eww! Your children come before any man
Unengage. You can’t allow your children to be treated as less than. It won’t get better. Don’t put them through that.
Get out! You are a packaged deal! If he won’t even try to connect with them, he needs to go!
I don’t think I would of gotten engaged to him if he has absolutely no bond with my children let alone even cares to try. I would definitely be bringing this up and if he has no interest in your children I would leave. Your kids deserve better than that.
That’s too bad. Always, your children come first! You never know how he’ll be after your married. Big, big, red flag there
If he really loved you, he would accept your children. I married a man after being married for 25 years to my first husband. My youngest was only15 and the others were already off and married, He put us through a lot, but my husband knew that IF we were to be a couple…he would have to be a great step dad to my son…they love each other like family now.
i can’t red flag this enough
I’d be stepping out the door!
My step mom never tried still doesn’t 20 years later. It ruined our relationship with our dad we see and hear little from him. There was never a bond but she never tried it was like we were her competition instead of loving us and accepting us. No matter how hard we tried as kids we were never good enough it took a huge toll on my brother. Don’t let your kids go through this. He’s not the right one clearly!
Loving someone else’s kids as much as your own doesn’t come naturally. It takes time. Don’t rush in and get married.
Red flag. He doesn’t like your kids, good riddance
Leave. Your kids come first
If you can feel, then your kids can too. Put your kids FIRST… LEAVE
Take your children and RUN as fast as you can and don’t look back
That ain’t gonna change. Then if you have a child together, he’ll favorite that one & your two bio children will really feel it.
Either talk to him about it and figure out the root of why and how to correct it, or move on. Your kids need to be above a partner you’ve had for 8 months.
Growing up with adults that dont like them could damage the childs mental health. Mental illness is very hard to treat in littles better to prevent.
I have a lot to say but fb would probably ban me. Just gonna say that women need to stand behind thier child which means putting them first. Their bonds their relationships come first then ours. It’s be different t if this dude was doing g something for thier future but it doesn’t sound like it. If not the future then what we got is the here nd now nd if that’s not conducive to your family that you brought in to the world then what is the point.
So that is a major red flag which you already have going off for you if you’re here asking for guidance. Listen to that red flag. It won’t get any better. Some men dare unable to love other mens children. Many will abuse them. It also shows his character and lack of compassion. I wouldn’t marry this man.
Read what you wrote back to yourself.
What would you say to your mother, sister or daughter???
Come On Now!!
Yeah I’d bail my kids will always come first
Run. My daughters step mother doesn’t like her and it has made my daughters life hell. I could never be in a relationship with a person who didn’t like my child. They are kids… what’s not to like!?
Don’t have kids with him, whatever you do
Women really still putting man before there kids… you obviously seen the red flags and still got engaged to him… you need to put your kids first tell that so called man to do one and someone will come along who loves you AND your kids
You better give that ring back, nothing is more important that your children
No get out asap… It’s just going to get worse. Talking out of experience… I have 3 babies and it’s not going to get better. You and your kids deserve so much more
He doesn’t have to love your children as he does his own. If he is good to them and a good example then that’s fine too. Growing to love someone else’s children takes longer than falling in love with your own. It’s been 8 months. I didn’t love or have a bond with my bonus kids like my own for many years. It doesn’t make someone a bad person it makes them human. Plus guess what kids are sometimes hard to like!
It’s only been 8 months and you are engaged
Your kids first ALWAYS.
I’d tell him it just isn’t working out
Don’t get Married if he doesn’t like your kids he doesn’t like you they are not dogs just for him to pass next to them and don’t say nothing remember what’s happening and yourkids come first always
Your kids come first! They deserve someone who loves them! Leave now!!!
I don’t know if I’m being naive or not but idk if this is a red flag! Maybe he’s just taking it slow cause they are young and he’s only been with you for 8 months! I mean I don’t know the extent of the avoiding but if it were me and I had a guy around my kids who wasn’t their father I might like the slow going! But I don’t know your actual situation!
8 months? I don’t understand why you expect him to have a bond with them. He should barely know them. Stop traumatizing your kids by bringing men around so quickly.
Kids come before a man if you can see that he doesn’t bond with them I’m sure the kids sense it also
Men are a dime a dozen. Dodge that bullet and move on.
Leave. Why is this even a question?
Oh well this is easy tell him to kick rocks because my kid comes first before everyone but God ain’t no relationship in this world worth my sons mental and emotional well-being if this man seems like he’s uncomfortable around your children then you need to sit down and have a conversation with him as to why he feels like that, you may want to not even worried about getting married because it sounds like you ain’t nowhere near ready for any of that. There are so many women that put men before their children no you’re a mom first when your children are small and they’re young you are the only person they have to protect them from everything that’s going on in the world that is your first priority or it should be. If he’s involved with his own children that’s fabulous that’s great but if he’s not even trying to be involved with your kids or trying to build any kind of a bond then he’s no way in any form looking to build anything with you I would imagine because how could he your children are the biggest part of your life yeah tell him to kick rocks and move on to somebody that’s mature enough to understand that hey I come with kids and my kids are my life and if you can’t respect that if you don’t want to really honestly be involved in that at some point in time even when we’re just seeing each other if you can’t be cordial with my children then you ain’t going to make it to the last round.
Keep postponing the engagement until you see some bonding. These things take time. Don’t be afraid of backing out alltogether…
If you have been with someone only for 8 months it makes me wonder how long he has been around your children. It takes time to form a bond. It doesn’t happen over night. If course his relationship with his own children is different. Idk why you are moving so quickly with children involved, but to each their own I guess. I would just give it some time before expecting a bond. 8 months is nothing and if you have only been with him that long I imagine he has known your children far less
What do you mean you dont know what to do??? You put you’re children first!!!
8 months and engaged ? But he don’t treat your kids the way he treats his and you still got engaged. Kids come first Jesus can you not see the red flag
You never mentioned how you feel about his kids. Do you actually love them or is that just what you think your supposed to do
If he don’t have a good relationship with your kids why are you even engaged?
If you do not realize that your children come before anybody else, I don’t know that we can help you
Well I wouldn’t be engaged to someone who has no bond with my children.
I would be leaving, my kids come first 100% of the time.
the key here is comunicación speak to him on how u truly feel !!! Good luck
Pshh… Tell that dude to kick rocks! Those are your babies!
Uhm if someone doesn’t like your kids then why are you still there?
And this is why so many kids grow up messed up!! Kids always first!! Can’t nobody love them like you do!!
Have you actually asked him how he feels? Because you’re just assuming. He may just find it difficult to form a bond.
Communicate it. Ask him out right. My bf had never been around children and I have 2 small kids. I felt like this at one point and I just flat out asked him. He told me he hasn’t ever been in the “parent” situation and he was trying lol. Now he loves my kids like they’re his own. You have to be blunt and honest. You will be able to tell how he feels by his answer and if he makes any changes to try to form a bond.
I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t accept/like my children, that’s a big to me! I would call the engagement off and leave. When you get into a relationship with someone who has kids you’re supposed to accept/treat them as if they were your own and if your partner doesn’t then in my opinion you shouldn’t be with them. My kids come first and I just couldn’t be with someone who doesn’t treat my kids as if they were their own.
Kids first! He’s already messed up by disrespecting your kids… let him go! That’s just not right. He can at least be friends with them… ya I say go on with yourself and your kids. Plus they love to see you happy. Your biggest fans… and it’s for as long as you are alive! There’s nothing that compares to that kind of Happiness… Good Luck and GOD BLESS:sunglasses:
Oh no mama, get rid of him, if he’s not good to your kids or doesn’t act like he wants to be involved let him be!! When you have kids being with someone becomes a package deal. If you can see the difference then you know what to do!! Don’t put your kids in a bad situation trying to make something work with someone!!!
Ummm nope! I would leave.
My boyfriend has treated my daughter like one of his own since day 1. It’s important that children feel loved and accepted by our partners.
This is one of the qualities you are suppose to look for when you have kids, it’s a package deal. If he doesn’t bond with them or try to bond with them then he doesn’t respect you and won’t protect them when you aren’t around. It’s a huge deal, break it off there are more fish in the sea.
Talk to him about it. People are quick to make others as miserable as them, don’t take drastic advice from internet strangers.
Leave. That’s what you gonna do. How do you even get engaged with someone who doesn’t treat your kids well?