Everyone saying to run is so judgmental. If she posted that she didn’t bond with his kids you would all tell her that it’s okay. So my opinion is, maybe he’s not a big kid person. I do amazing with my own children but I am not a kid person at all and I always feel awkward around other peoples kids and don’t know what to say because I’m not a “let’s play with toys and hide n seek etc” kind of mom. Some people aren’t big kid people. Now is he mean to your kids? Does he talk down on them? Does he say rude things? If he’s mean to them that’s a huge red flag. But don’t expect him to bond with your kids the same way he does with his own. It doesn’t always work that way and usually it takes time. It took me years to develop a bond with my first stepdad. He was a good man who worked hard and took care of the family but he wasn’t super comfortable around children and even tho he was always nice to us we didn’t actually bond till years later. The only red flag is if he’s mean to your children, complains about them or doesn’t want them around. Not bonding with someone else’s children is not a red flag it’s actually pretty normal.
You have only been with this person for 8 months. This is way to early to be engaged for people with children. He also is showing guilt. Expecting someone to bond with your children that quick is scary! He is comfortable with his own. People need to understand time! Especially people with children!
Talk with him or dump him
Ask your kids how they feel about him and how they think it would be to have him as a dad. Explain that you want them to be completely honest and anything they say is okay. This will tell you a lot.
If he doesnt treat them as his own right now, then he wont after yall say vows. Theres a good chance that he just isnt the right one. The kids come first so do what you have to do but talk with the kids first.
Really !! Your kids come first
F he doesn’t treat your kids as his own,get the hell out…Your kids come first;It’s that simple…
How are you engaged to someone that does not like your kids 
Have you talkedto him about it? Perhaps hes not sure how much he can do and what your expectations. Do you treat his children like you want him to treat yours? It always more complicated when you have children. But each of you need to put the needs of your own children first, then the relationship. And hopefully you dont live together before you agree on how the children should be raised.
There can be some pretty valid reasons for his behavior.
Why?
∆He’s known his kids their whole lives, he knows them…he knows their preferences and their temperaments. He already had a bond with them way before your kids were in his life. He’s only known your kids for at most 8 months, that’s not really that long when it comes to forming a real bond and having positive and real interactions with children.
My own two kids are complete and total opposites. What they each need from me as their mom is completely different…and I’ve had to learn those differences. I can’t treat/interact/bond with them completely the same.
∆Maybe he’s trying not to step on toes? Again…he’s been in your kids lives for a maximum time frame of 8 months, I wouldn’t barrel in after 8 months and start “playing” dad…ESPECIALLY if their dad is involved. From the second your child is born you’re their parent they’re your responsibility. Step parent roles just aren’t that simple.
∆a lot of people hold the “let them come to you” belief, especially with children. Instead of forcing them to spend time with you…you wait for them to request it. Unfortunately this can “look” extremely dismissive and uncaring when it’s not Always meant to be.
The best thing that you as a mom, a partner, and a human being is have an honest discussion with your fiance about this. Discuss your concerns and guage his reactions.
None of us are there. We don’t know either of you personally so none of us are going to be able to say one way or the other and have it be in your best interest.
Why on earth would you be with someone let alone engaged to them if you think they don’t like your kids. Yours kids come 1st well they should anyway:woman_facepalming:
Okay so before you listen to all these run comments… is it possible he is trying to maybe figure out how to go about the relationship. I’m assuming your children’s father is in their life. He may just not want to over step and just not know how to go about the situation. His kids our completely different to him bc he has raised them. Sit down with him and ask him what’s up? My husband didn’t know how to go about it is why I’m saying this. We were in the same situation. He has now adopted them and has been their daddy for 5 almost 6 years. Just talk to him before jumping to he doesn’t like/want to be around him.
Children first. Dump him. You already know you should. No man worth it if he isn’t treating your kids right. Bye boy:wave:
You need to rethink your relationship your kids come first
Move on. Don’t wait any longer.
Get out while you can. This is obviously a red flag and thats why youre asking this question. We read everyday about innocent children being hurt or murdered every single day by a spouse or boyfriend. Alot of children suffer because of their parents mistakes or selfishness
Talk to him He needs to show love to yours too OR why marry
I wouldn’t commit anymore to someone acting this way to my children. Talk to him and then if things don’t change, then I would strongly thinking of leaving.
Kids over men. Try talking to him about it but I couldn’t stay with him if his behavior doesn’t change.
Why are you engaged? That should only happen if you can see yourself with him forever and if you can’t get past the fact that he doesn’t like your kids, you need to run.
If you have to question it, it’s time to move on. Most importantly for the sake of the kids!
Engaged after 8 months doesn’t give you much time to get to know eachother let alone to bond with eachother’s children
Good bye. Kids first. Especially that young!
I have my first daughter from someone else. Her dad is involved. And my boyfriend has never made her feel any less than his 2 kids we share together. He has always treated her like a queen and nothing but love. I wouldn’t even second guess dropping him if he acted any different towards her.
Talk to him. I have two step children and find it difficult to navigate through things with them. Their mom has made things all the more difficult, maybe he’s afraid to over step boundaries or is unsure of how to approach different things. With his kids it’s easy bc they’re his kids, where he might punish them for something he might feel like that’s not his place with your kids. Blended families are hard and men aren’t always able or willing to express their emotions about things
Step into my time machine and lets go forward 20 years, your children are adults with families and going to counceling where they discuss being victims of disfavored child status, the therapist will naturally ask them “was your mother was aware of his feelings towards you before she married him”? you dont want to be on the wrong side of history when it comes to your childrens well being
Talk to him about it? It’s only going to get worse as your kids get older and why show them that this what a relationship looks like? Think of the long term effects.
Go ahead and marry him if your that desperate and allow your kids to be treated like crap…grow up you know what to do just dont want to, you never said how you treat his kids.
Take it from a woman who has been there a FEW times … GET RID OF HIM PERIOD!!!
Leave. Kids always come first
Talk to him. Honestly put your concerns on the table to him now before you marry. 8 months is still a short time.maybe as others said he is being cautious not to step on someones toes or go beyond boundaries. I think it is different for men then women.
I treat my three SKs the exact same as my two boys my partner is softer on his but I get it I have a fully open relationship with my two boys and they r 11&8 I don’t hold back where his have been kept in cotton wool
Why do so few women seem to understand that their kids come first?
Definitely don’t marry him until the issue is resolved.
Don’t talk to him… RUN . Your children ALWAYS first.
Think about it…don’t rush into marriage
I would confront him and see what he says first and voice your concerns but in my opinion, my kids and I are a package deal and if he can’t treat them with respect or acknowledge them then it would be a no for me. Your kids don’t deserve to feel any type of difference from his or see it and you shouldn’t have to deal with that. 
Red Flag ! Trust me when I tell you this… odds are this situation is not going to get better only worse and especially if you have a child together… Weigh the pros against the cons and you’ll come up with your answer…
Run! It won’t get any better!
I’d talk to him and watch. I got rid of someone that didn’t like my child, kids will always come first, then man
No way! How can you live with or even be engaged to a man that has no connection to your small children. I married my husband 8 years ago and already had children of my own and the way he treated my kids is what made me fall in love with him.
It doesn’t come natural with children that aren’t yours. I was with my ex for 8 yrs. He had four children from his previous marriage. It was rocky at first, then it got better, after 8 years we split up and his influence on his kids made it so our relationship has faded. I love them but don’t talk to them much anymore. And two out of four are adults now. It just hard and 8 months is not a long time to turn into somebody else’s parent. Don’t over think it.
Just forget about him now. Move on. Your kids deserve better and so do you.
Surprised you are struggling with this. Easy answer.
Leave!!!
You been with him 8 months and your engaged…. First off what the hell are you doing you hardly know him and now you just allowing some one around your kids after 8 months… it’s kinda common sense that your kids don’t have a bond with him it’s been 8 months…. You need to slow the hell down and not let men around your kids so easy… because the risk of them being abused by a nonbiological male is 70 times higher then if you lived alone…. You hardly know him your kids hardly know him it took my now husband 2 years before he saw my children in person because we took that time to get to know eachother and we didn’t start living together until 5 years you need a wake up call lady
Also you guys saying that the kids come first are being a@@holes. Nobody said the kids are suffering or lacking… 8 months is hardly long enough to bond with someone else’s kids. I don’t see a problem with the relationship, just some communicating that needs to happen.
Run like the wind as far away from him the better.
Kick him to the curb. Your kids and their comfort come first.
You know what to do you just have to do it your kids come first
Talk to him about it and if it doesn’t do any good, LEAVE
If u feel like he doesn’t like them then u shouldn’t stay with him because it’s not fair to the children
Seriously not rocket science to know if he’s not treating your kids good why come to Facebook and post about it…. You need to put your 4-7 year old first you known him for 8 months it wouldn’t really be any type of loss because he doesn’t sound like a good person. Moms like you who chose dick over your kids when the choice is clear make me sick.
Did you expect a happy family would magically appear? Engaged at 8 months is too soon. Where does he see his relationship with your kids and what are his expectations regarding that relationship?You need to facilitate your fiancé’s relationship with your kids and if it doesn’t develop into a nurturing supportive relationship move on. Your kids deserve no less than that.
NOPE… get out
You are your children’s advocate. If you do not stand for them no one will 
If you don’t get out now … lots of damage can be done down the road.
Leaving only gets harder the longer you wait…
Tell him bye bye now!!!
Girl what. How did you get engaged with this man feeling & knowing this ahead of time? He would have been looonng gone! It’s a no. Your kids come
First ALWAYS. Trust your gut instinct, it’s there for a reason.
Maybe you should have talked to him about this rather than accepting the ring.
You been with him 8 months and your engaged…. First off what the hell are you doing you hardly know him and now you just allowing some one around your kids after 8 months… it’s kinda common sense that your kids don’t have a bond with him it’s been 8 months…. You need to slow the hell down and not let men around your kids. You hardly know him your kids hardly know him .stop dragging your kids from one man to another.
8 months is to early to move your children in with someone. You still don’t know him. How can you be engaged to a man that you feel doesn’t like your children? You need to slow down and put them first
Buh bye. Kids come first always. you already know he’s not acting how he should be with them. If you stay it’ll probably get worse. When you get with someone knowing that they have children, you take on that role. Period.
8 months and engaged to soon. Have a talk with him. Some guys just don’t want to try to take over being a dad because they already have one. If that doesn’t change you can either except it or leave but only you can make that choice.
If they can’t accept my children then it’s a deal breaker to leave. IMO
You felt your kids In your womb:heart:that’s all I have to say 
You are seeing the signs…looking at their future! Don’t ignore what you know is wrong!! Your children have to be your first priority! If he doesn’t treat your children right…he doesn’t truly love you enough!
Please, at least wait a few years. If it doesn’t get better don’t move in with him! Not only will it be bad for them, it could ruin your future relationships between you and your kids.
Encourage him to bond with them or play with them. Watch a movie together, play with them and ask him to join… go mini golfing with them or to an arcade with him too… go to the park. If he doesn’t mistreat them you don’t have to run & leave like everyone says… maybe he doesn’t want to overstep or anything. If he asked you to marry him, he doesn’t dislike your kids at all.
If he doesn’t treat your children properly or they same as your children maybe talk to him and find out why but if he isn’t willing to change and treat the children properly then leave
Those are your kids…why would he be the same way with yours as he us with his? How does that make sense and you have only been together 8 months…this sounds childish…yall havent been together a year and he is supposed to treat your kids the same?
sounds like someone is searching for a daddy…
Your kids are an intrical part of you. If he doesn’t like them screw him. And I don’t mean that in a nice way. I’d kick rocks and move on. There’s probably a reason he’s alone. You don’t want to sorely find out what that is after you’ve committed to a relationship.
Trust your instincts luv, you already know (I don’t think 8 months is too soon, per se) don’t let people treat kids with double standards (his kids/your kids) they depends on you to protect their little hearts
Break your engagement. I went through the same years ago when my children were little. He won’t change, in fact it will get worse and your children will feel his dislike of them.
Bye bye. Don’t settle for a guy who treats your kids differently than his own.
Run, it will not get any better
Um. Leave. You leave….
Kids come first always. No matter what.
But yet you’re still with him. I don’t get why these women move men in so damn quick with kids in the picture. Stop…
I have been in my relationship for 2 years and I also have 2 kiddos 4 and 6 and he has 1 who is also 4. It’s been a very hard and huge adjustment for us both and honestly the bonds take time. 8 months is not a long time and yall need to just keep building those relationships between eachother, it may work or you may fond out it doesn’t, but I would wait to get married until you feel that you guys have blended the families in a healthy and loving way.
What have you two done to work on blending the two families together? Also his bond with his children isn’t going to be the same as the bond with your children. He’s known them less than 8months. Don’t get married until you guys actually figure out the family stuff.
Only been together 8 months, he doesn’t make an effort with your young children, but you’re engaged to him??.. Why would you even want someone like that around your kids??? You haven’t invested that much time into the relationship, drop it now, because it will not improve.
Id talk to him. Maybe he just doesn’t know how he should act around your kids as everyone parents differently and he doesn’t want to overstep. Id like to think a bond would eventually form. If he’s not mean or anything to your kids then I think give it time
If he doesn’t treat your kids like his own RUN
It’s hard enough to raise your own kids
Move on, your kids are more important
get out now. run fast.
Either talk to him and see what the issue is or walk away. You’re a package deal and I was in a relationship like this and so thankful I left it cause I found a man who loves my kids as much as me.
Engaged after 8 months and you’re worried about his relationship with your kids? Best advice is to put your kids first, or they will suffer unnecessarily❤️
Do not marry him. Tell him how he treats the children differently and what his deal is.
You’re engaged to somebody who doesn’t like your kids??? WHAT ?!!! Stop. NOW. Either you schedule counseling, marital AND parenting, immediately or cancel the wedding. If it’s right, this will only help. If it’s wrong, the life you save could be your childs
Walk…kids are package deal. Someone who doesn’t love my kids have no place in my life. That’s just me.
If there is that big of a difference then talk with him some men do not know how to handle other people’s children and you need to point out those differences to him and then if it does not get better then you leave
8 months and engaged…
You don’t think your partner likes your kids.
I got nothing 🤦
My advice… I was with my husband for 2+ years. I had 2 kids from previous relationships. Same age as your 2 kiddos. And he treated his son from his previous marriage way better than he ever treated my kids. He never talked to them never even tried to get any bond with them. He treated our son we had together better than he ever treated my 2 kids. And I tried to get them to have that bond but it never happened. Now we are in the middle of getting a divorce. Trust me if he isn’t willing to try now it probably won’t get better
Communicate with him that you need to see effort on his part where your kids are concerned. Maybe he just doesn’t know how he fits in, or what to do. Honestly, 8 months isn’t very long for a relationship with 4 kids involved. Not hating…just stating facts. Engagement is a big step in the wrong direction if no serious relationship has been established with any of the children involved. They should come first, no matter what
Big red flag!
Choose your children!
Leave.
Your children are T risk for the least being self esteem issues. These are big issues that will damage your children.
8 months is still pretty new. Especially when involving children. I think people forget that boyfriends/girlfriends don’t automatically bond with other peoples children. I wouldn’t say throw him out. My husband didn’t ignore my daughter, a lot of the time didn’t know how to react because he didn’t want to step on my toes. Because in fact she was not his. Quite frankly I preferred it that way. It was her and I got a long time before I got into a relationship so I had to also figure it out myself.This stuff takes time. I would absolutely talk to him about it but really listen to his answer. I would get married any time soon until this is resolved.
Talk to him. He may feel uncomfortable or maybe he doesn’t want them to think he trying to take dad’s place? Could be a number of reasons communication is key
Please pick your kids over him
I’m not even going to finish after reading the title #1 your kids period.
It is possible to find a real man who truly loves your kids. Stop settling. Be a grown woman who puts her kids first. Go. Go now! You should not have to communicate to someone to be loving toward your children.