I feel like my partner treats his kids differently than ours: Advice?

First of all, I’m with my partner for four years. We have a little boy together that’s nine months old, we both have two kids from previous relationships; I feel like my partner treats my son different from his kids like on weekends, all kids come over Friday to Sunday he takes Saturday to go with his two boys to his parents never asks to take our son now this is always, he takes his two boys I’m left with my two boys and our son then he will say how I never bring our son to his parents but yet he’s there every other day and never takes our son? I have said How I feel, and he says that I should be bringing him. Keep in mind he has minded he’s two boys alone since baby’s so I know he’s capable, our son is always with me and my kids even tho we are a family I feel I’m always alone with our son he goes when he wakes and comes back when our son is in bed, so he’s missing out on a lot of bonding and because of that our son is stuck to me always wants mammy, I don’t ask for a lot like maybe get up for one morning with him or put him to bed one time, so I don’t feel like I am doing everything alone when I see him fully capable of taken care of his other two sons why can’t he do it for our son? I don’t know what to do about it, I guess

105 Likes

I think you should really talk to him about it. And or go to counseling to help talk about it

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my partner treats his kids differently than ours: Advice?

This sounds weird to me, why can’t the grandparents go to your home instead of him going over there so much?

Start doing fun stuff with your kids. Then he will maybe figure out hes missing out.Show up one Saturday at his parents with out he knowing.Hire a sitter for afternoon to give u some me time

Ask him to take your son with his big brothers to see their grandparents.

2 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my partner treats his kids differently than ours: Advice?

Some men (people) do not feel comfortable rendering care to an infant such as my kids father. Maybe you could ask if this is the issue.

So he only takes his two children from previous relationship :woman_facepalming:t2:what about his son and bonus sons with you? If you allow this then he will continue to think it’s ok. I know my children and bonus children are all treated as our children!!! We include all of them on either side of the family.

Maybe tell him your going somewhere with your two children
Give him no choice the baby you share together is his responsibility while you take time out to bond with your kids.
This situation is not fair on either parent and sure isn’t healthy for any of the 5 kids

17 Likes

if It’s one day he spends with his other sons, i don’t see anything wrong with that. They also need that bonding with their father alone

4 Likes

I think its very selfish of him and he knows you had other children when you got together so he should be including them sometimes. I get he wants alone time with his kids but he shouldn’t be gone all day everyday thats not how families work

1 Like

Remind him of this.
When we moved in together it was with yours and my children . We became a blended family .We now have one of our own . The children are all related now.
When you go to your parents, you take all the children and when I see mine I will take all the children. As our family is one. Its no longer your kids or my kids or our baby. It’s our family, our kids . Your parents should have accepted all the children or they see non. And this applies to my parent. .
You need to invite all the grandparents to your home and put this to them and your man needs to sort his behavior about the kids.
We have a blended family and sadlymthe other grandparents treat my grand kids differently . So I bailed them up and laid it out. They don’t talk to me much .
I don’t treat their grandkids any different from mine. and all the kids know I love them equally and prefer to spend with me … just be a good parent to all the kids…
Just talk to him and be firm he takes all the kids…as he lives and cares for them all.

Common. Its prob not on purpose. But u could just be looking at thibgs too. I find myself doing that to my husband. Even if he does or says what i wouldve.

I agree about giving him No choice.

1 Like

Say I thought we were a family put your foot down

3 Likes

Sounds like he just doesn’t want to mind a 9 month old in addition to his son’s while visiting his parents. There are no bottles, diaper bags and infant seats with his older children. It’s just easier for him. That should be obvious. He wants you to take the baby so you can handle all the baby stuff.

3 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my partner treats his kids differently than ours: Advice?

Why don’t you all go.

16 Likes

Not exactly the same but going through the same thing basically!

He needs not only to attend to his two boys but the son you have together and your boys …you are all a unit, a family, one goes all goes! Put your foot down, next weekend be ready Saturday morning with all 3 of your boys to to to grandma’s house! :slight_smile:

19 Likes

Get up Saturday morning make sure your guys son n your boys are ready to go n say you’re going with n if he says no then you need to question whether u want to be with him anymore. R u positive they’re going to his parents house tho?

18 Likes

I’d suggest he take his boys alone, then next visit he takes all 3, so the older two still get that special time with their dad and grandparents, and you do the same when seeing your grandparents, leave baby with him for one time, and take all 3 the next, then plan a big family visit to each.

1 Like

I second what the other ashley said. Get up, get ready, and go with him. IF he has a problem with that, he’s hiding shit.

It’s inappropriate that you’re all separated. The kids are definitely going to feel this. Especially your kids… he doesn’t treat your kids like his own? Then bye boy.

20 Likes

A family is supposed to be a family. As a whole. Not him and his kids go hangout and ditch you and your kids. That’s super weird

22 Likes

Have you talked to him about this? Personally, if I’m dealing with single parent struggles, I’d rather live the single mom life. It’s fit in where you fit around here or find the door :woman_shrugging: that’s a no go on the non inclusive sibling relationships. Not only will your son feel it, they all will in their time and way. The sibling bond is intended to be immeasurable and irreplaceable.

3 Likes

Was this a planned or accidental pregnancy? I ask because if it was an oops pregnancy he may feel resentment toward the child. My parents married because my mom got pregnant with my sister and my dad basically treated my sister like trash because he felt trapped. Maybe he feels same way. :woman_shrugging:t2: just a thought.

Perhaps hes making up for the time he doesn’t spend with them when hes with yours every day. They need dad too.

4 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my partner treats his kids differently than ours: Advice?

This is very sad to hear and only the two of you can work it out. If he thinks you should take him then I would take him and your two children as well. You are a family now and his parents should accept all the children as equals.

37 Likes

I am going to pray for you and your family, that God gives you answers that I cannot.

14 Likes

The children are being separated like property, “yours, mine and ours.” What it should be is, “OUR CHILDREN,” period. If he is going to his parents house then you should all go as a family to visit Grandma and Grandpa!! The Grandparents should be recognizing all 5 children in the relationship!
The only time they should be separated is for special occasions like birthdays, graduations or special 1 on 1 days but those need to happen for all 5 children!!!

23 Likes

Okay so 1 thing maybe it’s because you son together is still really young…and is there a reason you don’t go to his parents with them.and 3rd if you live together he is with your kids and the baby every day.and just wants to spend time with the kids he doesn’t get to be with every day.

8 Likes

Blended families are a huge challenge. Ask yourself if you would rather stay with him and practice patience? Or separate? Focus on your own love and compassion for all the kids, and for him.

4 Likes

Your problem is you don’t call them all your kids…you have them devided up and the man you are playing house with does also you are both at fault…

25 Likes

My kids, his kids, our kid… That is the problem. They are all tour kids, and all his kids. Stop making it different. Both of you need to grow up.
Even if they have Amazing other parents.
They need all.of.the parents to be amazing. Our children need to go see grandma. So why don’t you all go… Together?

23 Likes

When you have kids from a previous relationship and either partner doesn’t consider them as part of the family i am sorry but its not worth calling yourselves family. You accept each others kids as family. For the kids sake i would leave as its a toxic environment for the kids. He shouldn’t just be taking his kids and your’s and his kid to his parents house but you him and all kids should go over. If he doesn’t want your kids to go along then leave. Honestly your kids mental well being is most important.

15 Likes

get counselling and if that does not work KICK HIM TO THE CURB.

5 Likes

Think about the grandparents. 5 children every weekend would be exhausting for them. They have no attachment to your children (baby yes). Don’t expect the grandparents to be all giddy about your children. In fact, they probably would like for son to skip a weekend every now and then with their own grandkids! :laughing:

4 Likes

y going to his parents house every weekend.cant he spend time wt his family.well both of u shd sit and av heart to heart talk.it is well

1 Like

Because he is not living with them their is guilt. On that day he wants to concentrate on the ones he doesn’t live with. Dont make anything of it. Its OK. Otherwise it will be too many people tugging at his heart. It will fix it self
Don’t add to it. Your son is flexible. Just love your family.

5 Likes

Why does he need to visit his parents so often? I’d put your foot down and tell him straight it’s not acceptable and hes treating you and the kids unfairly and things are going to change.

2 Likes

Why don’t you all go as a Family cos even your boys have become part of family. It may not be always for all of you but every other weekend.or even once a month so his parents get to know all of you and accept you.

Why can’t he spend time alone with his children, he has your 3 boys all week.

2 Likes

Feel sorry for all the blended families out there. Can’t be easy.

You both should go to his parents your in laws with all the kids on Saturday, this is also what your partner would like so go.

2 Likes

Its time to leave if you cant figure this out.

Well if u live in an ungodly house u get ungodly treatment

3 Likes

Maybe he feels he needs to show extra love to his own seeing he only gets them on the weekends .not saying it’s right tho🤷😂
Maybe you should all go over the next weekend and see how that goes. Good luck.:call_me_hand:

4 Likes

If you feel the need to stay with this guy go for professional help
Seems you knew this so… what made you think he would be different?

1 Like

What’s wrong with grandparents who don’t want to see the 9 month old? Start there. It may be it

3 Likes

There’s more to this story

3 Likes

Do you not have a period on your keyboard?? :rofl::joy:

You were with him 2 years & saw him ignore your boys. Why did you stay, much less make a child with him?

18 Likes

You are NOT going to resolve this on fb.
Seek counseling and find out why you’ve stayed with this guy, opted out of marriage, yet had a child with him.
Neither of you are taking responsibility and are not even motivated toward marriage.
So much going on with the two of you, I hesitate to say anything except to seek counseling.

5 Likes

He is selfish. If he hasn’t changed in 4 years, do you think he ever will. Really?

Time to move on.

The fact that it’s not all of y’all. Including your kids from previous relationships says a lot. They are ALL supposed to be y’all’s kids, and both of you and y’all’s parents should see it that way.

24 Likes

Get up early and leave him with all the kids and take time for you. See how he likes you planning something without him…

If you are a family you all should be going to his parents

9 Likes

If he is showing you he doesn’t care, that’s a red flag. Any grown man wouldn’t do no mess like that… it’s just… it’s rare.
That’s so messed up! I wouldn’t allow anyone to do any of my kids that way.

Get rid of this man… Because kids can Sense things and feel left out

Odd that y’all all don’t go over to grandparents house but I guess that’s not really the advice you are asking. I know this is obvious but have you tried sitting down with him and just telling him how you’re feeling? I think it’s weird he’s gone to his parents before baby even gets up and after baby is down. Not much advice we can give you other then sit down and discuss your issues with your partner.

2 Likes

Maybe and hopefully he’ll change when the baby gets a little older and can walk or is potty trained. I agree with what you’re saying though,totally. I’ve been there and it’s hurtful and confusing “why” right, these children are both of yours you’re a FAMILY. My heart goes out to ya, and I hope it changes for the better, soon :pray::heart::pray::heart::pray:

This weekend when the kids come i say you shpuld get in the car with him and take ALL OF THE KIDS over to your in laws house

5 Likes

Maybe because he’s younger…doesn’t make it right but maybe a suggestion. He might also be protecting you two from the in laws. Just another way to think of it. My grandma used to always tell me, be careful what you ask for

Talk to him first about it then if that doesn’t work then do this : He takes his kids and the son to his parents nextime and u spend time with your kids it doesn’t have to be every sat but every other. If that doesn’t work take your kids somewhere on that day and leave the son u have together before he gets up.

Coming from a broken family bc of this… Either he needs to include all kids or you need to move on! My momma left my dad when I was eleven. I was the oldest of 5. My dad got deported and my mom found her another man. he had 2 kids of his own. He never cared for us, never treated us as his own. If you dont act and do something about it, it will later affect your kid. We lived in a house of 3 bedrooms. His two kids only spent time with us on the weekends but one room was always on lock bc it was his boys room. The girl always was with us bc she wanted too my 2 brothers shared a room and us 4 girls shared a room. And also shared with his daughter on the weekend. We were fine back but once we hit 18 it hit us. We got kicked out. While till today his 2 kids still live at home. One works and helps but the other pays nothing. That man brought my family apart! We all made decisions that we needed to make in order to survive. Me personally I love his kids bc we grew up together but we dont have that sibiling love bc of how different we were treated. Most of us are so traumatized and broken deep inside. We dont say it but I know Im not the only one feeling like this. Save your kids.

Blended families are tricky, and it seems like you are the only on trying to make everyone feel included. That’s very gross and shitty of him tbh and your kids will absolutely notice the favoritism

Sounds to me he don’t want to be bothered with them. As for the 9 month old he can’t do much for his self he don’t want to bother with him. The kids he don’t take with him will eventually realize and end up hating him. If it was me I’d leave

Don’t let one kid be treated differently because eventually the kid will see that and it will affect them. If someone treated one of mine differently than the others that’d be a big no for me because I’ve been through that before it never got better it actually got worse.

Did you guys plan on a baby? Was the situation split before the baby meaning he always left with his boys? Do you think maybe his boys want some alone time with their dad as it gad always been. It went from the three of them to now you and your two and a baby. It’s alot of change and maybe his kids weren’t ready maybe he didn’t want another child and the possibility of being a single father again. Did he try and convince you to not have the baby I honestly think he was done having kids. There’s so many possibilities. How do his sons get along with your two boys now and before the baby?

5 Likes

If this is the way he is being, he is not going to change. It more sounds like he likes the idea of having the family he has but he doesn’t want to put forth any effort for his family. He knew you had children before you got together (I would hope so anyway) It takes two so the baby is his responsibility also. Best bet, either put your foot down and hope for the best, or take you, and your children (including baby) and leave. Hes not going to accept the other children. I get spending time with his family but he needs to make sure all children are involved. You dont have any choice but to care for the baby, he needs to step up.

I would just jump in the car with your boys , if says what tou doing then i would just doing things as one happy family .

I was with a guy just like this. Wasn’t until after we had our son that it got to be too much and I am so much happier without him. And so are my other children.

Why is the whole family not going to his parents house? A blended family is one family not his mine & ours. Maybe talk to him about blending the family. I can’t see living as a divided family ever lasting😳

2 Likes

Pack all the kids up, go with him and ask his parents why the baby can’t come over too… He has it made, his parents take care of his kids one day of the weekend, you take care of yours 7 days a week… He has it made… Does he stay at his parents house the whole time with the kids??? Or just dump and go… Sorry but your 9 month old is too young to let go without personal supervision… He can’t fend for himself if forgotten about yet… Lets hope things change when the lil guy is older…

2 Likes

Don’t ask - tell him. Just hand him the baby and walk away.

1 Like

It isn’t wise to just leave the baby with him either. Because if he is resentful your baby will pay the price. That is not something you do to a poor defenseless baby. Some dads don’t interact with theirs until they’re old enough to walk & talk. It is what it is. Plan accordingly.

Maybe it is his parents that don’t want the extra kids

If I were his mother I’d be asking him why doesn’t he bring my other grandson & why doesn’t he help take care of him… that shit wouldn’t fly with me ! He needs to take his responsibility as their father !

Stop dividing the families and go with him to his parents…you know when he’s going. Start seeing you as one :heart: there is a divide there that needs mending.

1 Like

The writings on the wall, Men/women show you who they are as a spouse or parent. They know what they are doing and if you have expressed yourself more than enough and if you’ll are not married after 4yrs and a baby and blended family. There is your answer read back what you wrote and go with your instincts. Make a pro and cons list of being with that person cause only you know and go with what God is allowing you to see. God got you and you children!

I don’t go anywhere I’m not wanted but this is his child too so with that being said have the baby bag ready kid in the car seat and tell him, not ask you taking the baby too! It’s more to the story, like how is the relationship with the partner parents? Do they accept u and your kids? Are y’all treated as family also? Also do they also bond with the new baby?

It sounds like he does not want to take care of the baby. Typical man… I bet he will take him more when he is older.

1 Like

Sounds like to me he’s picking his first family over his second. Maybe he is also meeting his ex and they our doing a family thing or more. Also maybe the grand parnets only love & want the first two. Sad situation for the whole family other kids will grow up thinking not good enough or loved. As woman,wife & mother step up put ur foot down or in his ass. Or move on. He don’t have TWO he has five kids & new wife.

Honestly, babies aren’t that fun. But he should still step up and be a parent and give you a break.

3 Likes

My husband used to do things occasionally with just his biological son and that was ok with me because they didn’t have that quality time like they used to. Maybe go with him to his parents or he could bring the baby and you can have some baby free time with your kids Or maybe he could just take all the kids and give you a few hours off. If you haven’t had this conversation with him you should. Don’t let it become a fight just talk about how this could affect the relationship of all the kids with him and his parents

5 Likes

He should at least do an every other time with ALL of them

5 Likes

Why aren’t you guys all going together as a family ? Wth is wrong with him !? My son that isn’t even my husbands comes to all get togethers with my husbands side of the family and they all treat him as if he is their blood too. My side of the family is the same with my step kids too… but you’re talking a kid that belongs to both of you… that is so sad. :cry: your baby is gonna feel that separation soon. I’d definitely step up and let him know that it’s not right and the right way it should be. And if he disagrees well then I think that tells you something, because that is going to be a HUGE issue in the long run.

8 Likes

Did you guys not talk through how you would blend the families? If not then I’d suggest you do that with or without a 3rd party. This is a make it or break it type of deal. Personally since he wants you to take someOf the kids on your own do that the next time he heads there with the other kids once y’all get up. Just show up and his behavior will prob tell you everything you need to know.

3 Likes

And you’re still with him…
I will never understand the NEED to be with a man even if they treat you wrong.

Take your kids and leave. Stop depending on men for your happiness

7 Likes

Yal should be going as a family nobody should be staying home and if he says no then girl something ain’t right … red flag :triangular_flag_on_post:

3 Likes

So I’m a mom of a 1.5 year old girl with my fiancé. He has a 5 year old boy from a previous relationship. When we got together he was blocked and ignored and not allowed to see his child. Together we took her to court, got our every other weekend plus holiday and summer time. We don’t do any family outings that don’t involve our son. If he is at his moms we just skip whatever is going on. She consistently tells me it’s ok if just us three go do fun things when my son isn’t here but for us it’s not right or ok in any way. Our family isn’t complete except when he’s here so we won’t do family events or visit family without being our complete unit of 4. It sounds to me like he needs to work better at being a step parent and not just a co parent

1 Like

What happens at his parents? Do they do all the work and he can do nothing. Why were u not going to his parents on Saturday’s?

2 Likes

My neighbor does exactly the same thing! He spends Saturday’s with his 3 kids alone bonding with them (soccer, softball, lunch etc). He has 2 with his current wife but she knew from the beginning his time with his kiddos were them 4 only! On Sunday’s they all spend time together. You need to sit and explain how you feel

Leave. That’s the answer right there

I personally asked the father of my daughter to give her one on one time, their special bonding time, so he spends a few hours with JUST her during the week, and then on Saturdays they spend time all together, you have to understand that they need their quality time alone too, but I would tell him to take all 3 once, once only with his 2 sons, and another time all of you together, so 3 types of different visits to meet everyones needs

2 Likes

Y’all need to sit down & talk.
First of all, he is a weekend dad & those boys deserve quality time with just dad.
As far the rest, see a therapist, both of you. If he isn’t willing to work it out…why are there??

1 Like

I think there is an issue here that needs to be dealt with asap before it explodes. I think marriage counseling would be your best chance at having a healthy happy and loving family. I do not think you should give up on your husband yet. I think you should let a therapist or professional explain to him the consequences of favoring some children over the others. If that doesn’t work, take your kids and make a healthy home for them free of favoritism