My husband and I have been together for 13 years. We have two kids and one on the way. He also has an adult son that’s 21. Well, my husband suffered a stroke recently in February. His son flew in to visit and help. We took turns sitting with my husband at the hospital and one at home with the kids. His son decided he wanted to move in with us and be close and help. Great. My husband gets out of the hospital two weeks later and is super fortunate to have no serious side effects from his stroke. He’s tired from the meds and has memory issues, but all in all has no visible issues. My stepson gets his items and arranges to move in with us. I’m under the impression he will be able to sit with his dad and help with chores around the house. We did not require him to pay any rent or utilities. Issues start to arise shortly after he moves in. He was supposed to stay in the converted garage, but he decided he didn’t like it enough, so he is now on our couch. He sleeps all day and is up most of the night. This makes him so moody, and he’s super sarcastic with all his replies. He’s taken over the living. I feel like he thinks he gets first dibs on what is on tv. He finally got a job and is now driving my husband’s truck whenever and where ever he pleases. I feel like he has no respect for our space and things. He’s passive-aggressive about doing dishes and trash. My husband excuses this behavior (we got custody of him when he was nine and played his parents against each other, my husband always caved because he never wanted him to run to his mom), but I’ve had enough. I don’t want to fight and argue, being that I’m five months pregnant, and he’s recovering from his stroke and adjusting his BP still. How do you deal with a boomerang kid? I’m going so crazy and feeling trapped in my room. I’m in tears over this. (I also am the one working and paying all the bills, so I that stress too).
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my stepson has taken over my house: Advice?
He needs to grow up and move out, no need to be there since hubby has come out good. Thankfully
He’s an adult now. Either he helps out with the bills and moves back into the converted garage or it’s time for him to find another place to live.
If your husband is fine and doesn’t need the extra help, then the dude’s gotta go! I would absolutely NOT be okay with this. He is an adult so he should be contributing to bills AND chores. He doesn’t need to be on the couch. Or if he is, then give him set hours! He can have the couch/livingroom from 10pm-8am or whenever you’re sleeping hours are. This is YOUR house which means YOUR rules! You might have to be the bad guy here, but you need to take back what’s yours before it goes on any longer.
I’ve been in a similar situation so I know exactly how frustrating it is! When my stepdaughter comes (16y/o) she sleeps on the couch because she doesn’t have her own room here. She stays up playing xbox till 5am then sleeps on the couch until 2pm. It’s SO annoying! Then wants to hog the TV all day to play more Xbox. If we don’t give her what she wants, she insists on going back to her mom’s earlier than planned. It’s a tough situation to be in!
Stand your ground girl, he might be his, well yalls kid but he is grown and you are still the parent. He’s 21, no more playing the parents against each other
Kick him out. Not his house. He isn’t being helpful and he’s a bad influence on the younger children.
He needs to be a grown up he either contributes with chores and even offers to help with some bills or even pays for a takeaway meal or cooks dinner etc.
Also sleep where his supposed to - if he sleeps on the couch then should be certain hours. Tv should be for all an not his right to completely take over…
I honestly would sit down with ur husband an tell him how u feel, u are pregnant an shouldn’t be stressing over someone that’s a adult. An it needs to be sorted soon cos u will be full term before u know it/ taken a bit of a advantage of his situation
He has to go. Period. He doesn’t even get to stay if he has a job and does a few chores. He’s 21. He’s grown, and you have a baby on the way. Period.
He got a job,time for him to fine own place and give u and husband back your house and lives there even with that new baby coming in.good luck,hugs .
Realistically you need to draw some boundaries and stick to them.
Say hey, look this isn’t working. This is the arrangement we agreed to and you are not holding up your responsibilities. It’s not ok. Especially as a pregnant woman you need to be able to say no this is done- I cannot live like this. You get in the space he’s taken over and take it back.
I would buy him a cheap tv and insist he move back to the garage, number one. Tell him his being awake all night and sleeping all day is fine in the garage where hes not disturbing the family by hogging the living-room all day…sleeping while you are all awake and wanting to use the room as it should be: a space to live in. ( if his dad can-t do it then you must and you will) #2. Take away his access to the truck key. If he doesn’t have access, he won’t be able to drive it. #3 give him a date that he is to have a job by…and stick to it. 3 to 6 months is more than fair. #4 Tell him he is to do something around the house. Start small. Take out the garbage can once a week or have him clean out the refridgerator the day before you go grocery shopping. #5 tell him straight out that things that his father used to ignore now make him very stressed and you are telling this because you know he also loves his father and drs orders are to make things as stressfree as possible. Hopefully he sees the logic and will be a help instead of a stress maker! And i wish you luck!!
Kick his selfish self absorbed Ass out 
Simple: sit down with him and talk to him about. Lay it out there how YOU want things to be around the house. If he doesn’t like it Simple and done, the door is wide enough for him to fit thru it. STAND YOUR GROUND MUM. He’s a grown adult and he needs to learn to respect and understand
Hope everything works out in your favor 
Great, he has a job, he can pay rent!
Seems as he has made this situation in his favor and now knows his dad is a doormat.
You need to put your foot down because doesn’t seem like your husband will
I feel for you. But this young man needs to be told you need your personal space back. He moves into the area that he agreed to live in, or else he seeks alternative accommodation and put a time frame on that. I had a family member like this and my home no longer was my haven. Act on it now before the baby comes. He is an adult so its about time he acted like one.
He’s an adult move him out
Sit in the living room with him. Stay there the whole time and change the channel, tell him it’s your turn and watch what you want. He needs to get yo the point that he needs privacy. Invite your friends over for dinner and movie on TV in your living room. Do not kick him out as it will stir things up. If that does not work, tell him you will need him in the garage when the baby is born as you will be breast feeding and up all night with the baby. Don’t hide in your room. The only reason it’s difficult is because you have not bonded enough to feel comfortable to tell him. No more trapping yourself in your room. Early in the morning, turn on the TV and watch the news in the living room. That is your home and he needs to respect it and the arrangements.
Grab that remote and tellhim it’s your tv, Tell him straight up to find somewhere asap or go back to where he was, simple, people like that don’t change
Sacré le dehors ca presse .il n’y a rien a faire avec des parasites profiteurs
He is a grown ass man and he needs to act like it and if he can’t then he should move out you shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home
21 is a grown-ass adult. My advice is have a genuine conversation with your husband about how do you feel in the passion behind your feelings. But your stepson is definitely old enough for you to earn the right to respectfully lay boundaries
- Chill. Pregnancy hormones is also a factor here.
- Speak to your husband, the boy is an adult. He has to get a job and move out.
- His behaviour is a bad example to his younger siblings
- Its YOUR house, not his. How are you guys married if i may ask
Need to sit down and talk about some ground rules if u can easier said than done am definitely not judgeing my stepkids treat me like shit when they lived hear even when a was heavily pregnant a went ape shit 1 day with the there dad and both of them then it started to improve for a while but went back shit show they 11 and 12 a pray u have more luck at 21 hes surely got to have a better understanding xx
Speak with ur husband and communicate with him how ur feeling. The real stress is coming when ur baby is here and ur hormones are everywhere and u have no privacy with him! Once u talk to ur husband, give him a timeline of how long he has to find a place to live. He’s an adult and he needs to either live in the garage and respect YOUR home, or he can find somewhere to live. These young kids step all over their parents because parents are too afraid to speak up. If he gets upset it’s okay, he will just need to grow up and follow rules if he’s living under ur roof. 
I would tell him no more sleeping on the couch. If he isn’t happy with the garage convert, then he is welcome to move elsewhere. Also let him know he needs to clean up after himself and maybe pitch in for a bill? Let him know that you need to be able to sit in your living room and walk around your house, without someone sleeping all day.
Time for him to go or start PAYING RENT
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my stepson has taken over my house: Advice?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my stepson has taken over my house: Advice?
I would say tell him look we invited u to stay u have to stay in the garage it’s nice and set up for u your a adult so u really need your space and make sure he knows u need your space to … He is old enough to know he has to respect u and the home he is staying in…
Tell him he was welcome under the impression that he was going to help out! And since he isnt holding up his end, he is no longer welcome. Girl if you dont wanna tell him yourself I’ll go to you and do it for you. I have unruly brothers/friends too and I’ve been there. Put your foot down! Your house. Your family. Your Bill’s. Your job. Your life. Now that he is working he can get himself an apartment in the area if he is so concerned with his dad
Your house…your rules…simple…you dnt need someone in your space especially with a baby on the way…pack his stuff…leave it in a corner and thank him for his help with his dad…dnt ask your husband whether it okay to do this…do it…asking for forgiveness is better than asking for permission…believe me…he needs to be gone like yesterday 
You probably need to sit down all together and set some boundaries. Even though it’s a difficult time due to your husband’s health you’re feelings are valid.
I think you all need to sit down and talk. This is not good for either you or your husband’s health. Maybe talk to the stepson to see what exactly he didn’t like about the room he was due to stay in, can there be any changes to that area for him to “like” it. Explain that shared spaces are exactly that. If he wants to sleep and do only what he wants, then that is fine when he is in his private area but not in the shared areas. I would say make a schedule on who does what for chores and when, to set rules. If he doesn’t want to help and act like a child, especially when he is not even required to really financially help, then I think you should all really reevaluate if this is what is best for you, your unborn baby, and your husband’s health. Best of luck to you all.
Print out available apartment/rentals for him, and then list the conditions of him moving in and then list what’s actually happening.
He’s 21. You don’t have to be scared of his mother anymore. Give the freeloader the boot.
You need to be stern with him and lay it all out. Respect our stuff, help out or get out.
I wouldn’t let my own flesh and blood children get away with this kind of crap! Would you? Talk to him like he is one of your own. He needs to man up and be a contributing and actively helping part of the family or he needs to be out. I would give him two weeks to get him shit in order, if he can’t I would give him another two weeks to find a new place to live. Period. You shouldn’t feel like a prisoner in your own home or work so hard to support someone who is a leach and ungrateful. Hell no.
I would hold off on telling husband anything since he just had a stroke , he doesn’t need that stress . If anything you should set boundaries and have open discussions with the son while dad is around that way he knows whats going on and the son can’t twist up your words
Isn’t a great situation, but it’s down to your partner to deal with Unfortunately.
Also, seems stepson is grown now so his father should sit him down and talk through it properly, like adults, I’d never kick my kids out no matter how much they trashed my house or took the p!$$, but that’s just me 
You gotta make boundaries now before it gets more out of hand. I wouldn’t allow that. It’s my home and I pay the bills and your a grown ass man that’s capable of being on your own.
Have you tried Suttle hints? I can only imagine how frustrated you are. My kids all still love at home and we inherited a boyfriend but… my 2 grown children / adults and the boyfriend are all in college full time but from home. They still have to work around the house and help with their little siblings. My eldest at home is also 21. I feel for you momma!! If Suttle hints don’t work you’re going to have to bite the bullet and say something or it will only get worse.
You both have done and raised him. He has a job, he can find his own place to live now. Sounds like he is taking advantage of this whole situation. Under verbal agreement he was supposed to help out. If he is not, he has got to go.
Talk it out! I’m only 23 and can’t give advice on that part but, my dad had a stroke and anything that gets him worked up or upset is not good for his heart! Always try ur best to talk it out
Adult son sounds like an out of control teenager. He is taking advantage of his dad’s situation and health condition. What he isn’t considering is you challenging him. Find peace and talk to him. Tell him take your terms or leave.
It’s rough out there in the world, especially for someone with you’re ss perspective… just tell him the truth… look, dads ok… your welcome to stay as long as you need, be in the house ect… but at 8pm or 9pm whatever… you must retreat to your living quarters in the garage… the living room isn’t a bedroom and unfortunately we don’t have an extra one in the house. If you eat, clean up afterwards… I’m pregnant, please help with the trash and mow the yard. Since you’re not paying rent, if you notice were low on something replace what you can… the truck is only for work. Stay here, in the garage and save up some money to get you’re own car. You are part of the family and welcomed, but we need boundaries and I have to much on my plate to also take care of you. If you are an adult, you need to take adult steps to take care of yourself, especially because dad isn’t able to help out much right now. I don’t like being taken advantage of so this is the deal, take it or leave it. You always have a place here if needed, but you are grown.
Show him what you just wrote. I believe it explains everything. Talk to your husband, stand your ground and tell him you’re going to speak to his son straight forward and tell him everything he needs to hear. Son needs to change towards a better behaviour and help around if he wants to stay.
Tell.him you can’t afford to have him there that you need money so you are selling the truck tell him how much he is expected to pay per month.and that he has to stay in the garage it’s disrupting your life if he starts getting mail there and establishes.residence it will take a court order to get him out. You can also change the locks.
I would talk to your husband first to make sure y’all are on the same page… once that’s over then both of y’all need to have a family meeting with the 21yr old. Set boundaries and let him know if he can’t respect that then he needs to leave!
He’s lucky y’all are allowing him to stay!! If he can’t see that and wants to be a brat about it then he can get his ass out!!
Speak to your husband first, let him know how you feel and what’s going to happen next! Your house, your rules. You pay for everything, no one has a say except YOU. Have a conversation between the three of you - That’s when it’s time to lay out the rules, if he doesn’t want to respect your boundaries than goodbye, find another place to be useless at 
He is an adult, it’s time to grow up!
Communication period the good bad and ugly its not healthy nor will it help any situation my advice would be to be honest you will feel better you need to put everyone in CHECK …
Uhhhhh go sit on your couch. Tell him he needs to sleep wherever else is convenient for YOU. It is your house. He is not a guest. He’s not kept up his end of the deal. He’s 21. You’re pregnant. You pay the bills. It’s your house. Tell him he is welcome to stay if he wants to be of some help, but if that’s not his intentions then he needs to figure something else out.
If you are not the confrontational type, write it all in a letter. Make sure you don’t miss out anything. Let him know that you feel and what you and your husband expect from him. Give him time to take it all in, if it fails then its time to confront and show tough love. You and your husband doesnt need added stress now. 
Thats not a kid. Thats an adult, taking advantage.
Charge rent that always makes freeloaders disappear faster than Houdini
You paying all the bills. Oh no mam. Put yo foot down. He got to do betta or go and hubby can go with him if he got a problem with it
Get your husband on board. then sit down for meeting lay out a time line contract and move out date with the bee baby coming you guys are going to need some privacy. Thank him for all the help he’s done. Then he knows what is expected and a date for moving out.
If your the one working n paying the bills you need to put your foot down and tell him straight stop being a recluse and do something with your life you come here to help but your more of a problem n stress than a help if he hasn’t done anything to help you throw him out if your partner doesn’t agree you need to sit down n have a talk with him I think
Try to talk to him in a calm manner. How many kids do you have that are of helping age? Maybe make a chore chart?
Set boundaries. He has a job now so he can help out with something be it gas, food, rent, or whatever you think of.
If he refuses to help out or adhere to rules he can find his own place.
Depending how long he’s been at your house, if he refuses to leave you have to evict him. Over 30 days in most states the person has tenant rights. I’d tell him just how it is, nicely to a point. Get a job, and move, or pay rent. He’s never paid rent so evicting him should be a little easier, it would be in my state anyway.
Why don’t you involve your husband? He is his dad after all… just sit down and tell him how you feel and then figure out together how to move forward
Your house your rules.
He has to move to his room - don’t give him an option.
If he doesn’t like it he can move out - he has a job.
He has to respect your house, pregnancy and the actual space.
Don’t ask, just tell and give time frames. He’s an adult ffs.
He needs to move out period, he can get an apartment near by and come by and help out, it doesn’t sound like he’s much help, more of a mess maker and a problem, Put your foot down ASAP!! He is manipulating the situation and taking total advantage 
You have your family to and unborn to think about, you can’t have this kind of stress and risk going into preterm labor. I understand your husband isn’t back but your in charge regardless 
Tell that Boy it’s time you find your own place, you can come visit, but your no longer living in my house period 
First off possible this young man is getting high and does not absorb emotions properly and even possibly acting out at 21 to a new sibling. Second maybe caregiving is too much at young age of 21 not everyone is equipped for this responsibility nor can handle the grief and burnout from caregiving that naturally happens. While being pregnant may make you less emotionally willing to want the help get it anyways. There are places like home health that will under insurance provide extra in home assistance based on your husbands neuro care post episode condition. Before climbing all over this young man. Realize he’s only 21. I understand putting up with obnoxiousness and entitlement is not okay. I get that part. And it sounds like you really want your home to only your husband baby on the way and no it isnt fair you cant focus on your intimate family on the way. You will burnout down the line if you dont get the help and support you have in front of you trust me. Address the part of needing to respect as an adult his fair share of responsibility. But its more than this he clearly isnt handling emotions and bottling something up and being a tad on the careless young side. It sucks boys mature later on in life but not every child at any age is willing to even help with caregiving. He could be using it as a means for support instead of generally wanting to take care of dad and manipulative to using people. Please consider all of this and get support yourself.
Change the locks and don’t let him back in!
Your house your rules he’s an adult now so act like one Put your foot down!
Speak to a lawyer first and find out what you can and can’t do legally to resolve the situation. Come up with a game plan and talk it over with your husband before approaching the stepson. You and your husband need to be on the same page. Let your husband know you feel you are being disrespected and it’s not good for your pregnancy. Share the legal advice. Once you and your husband are on your he same page, don’t back down. This is your house and your baby. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself.
U over ride Ur husband and tell him to sort his shit out or he’s to move out b4 baby comes along or U will!!
Give me a call and an address I’ll be on the first flight!
And you’re having another kid?
You can’t fix what you don’t discuss
Like most people said, because his Dad does love him so much and isn’t that bothered, you should just set boundaries. Don’t let a kid living rent-free take away from your happiness. Unfortunately a ton of kids are like this.
Oh no he would have to go!! He’s a grown adult.
I’d sit ur husband down & talk to him first to try to agree!! If tht dont wrk then since u pay all the bills …move him to the garage where he was first suppose to be out so u can get ur living room bk / tv… dont let him tell u this or tht… ur house ur rules …u have 1 month to start helping out or ur out!! He is grown end of story … is attitude better go to a limit. U should never feel uncomfortable in ur own home due to a adult kid…
Tell him to leave. If the dad don’t like it tell him to leave too 
In 4 months time sit on that couch in the lounge with your hooters out before during and after breastfeeding, he won’t want to be anywhere near you
Hes a grown ads man in YOUR house. Change the locks set his stuff outside.
Talk to him and tell him that it in the nicest way possible you have rules that he needs to abide by. He is of age and remind him that if doesn’t want to comply he’s more than welcome to get his own place. There are things you don’t like and you will not feel uncomfortable in your own home. If he becomes hostile or acts crazy tell him he needs to leave. Explain to your husband that you spoke to his son and he isn’t being understanding or considerate. He needs to accept that you guys share a home are married and are raising your own children. You don’t want your children getting bad habits either. Good luck hun
You need to have a sit down with him & take the keys away you drive him to & from work or he can take a Uber
Sticky situation. I think if I was in your shoes I would tell him to move back in to the converted garage and if he doesn’t want to tell him to rent his own house somewhere nearby so he can still help with his dad if he wants to. He can still stop in if he genuinely is there to help with dad yeah
Discuss this with your husband and tell him to say something. Give the kid an ultimatum if dad wont step up. Take back control of your house. Now hes just a squatter.
Put your foot down n throw the kid out!
He needs to go, plain and simple.
Oh I’m too big of a bitch for this one!
Bucket of water or an air horn after 9 am…he hands keys over now or he pays for all things that have to do with truck. He will have a chores list or he will not like me. Things will improve or I’d kick him out. I don’t play around….
As far as your husband be honest with him just plain honest…
Do what you would do if he was ur biological child… he a grown man but he is still young and need guidance. Talk to ur husband and y’all guide him
You can not raise a newborn with someone like that in the house !
He’s not a kid he’s an adult and needs to be treated like one.
Tell him that he needs to move back into the garage room y’all have set up for him so you can have your house back. Also, tell him the truck is only to be used for him to get to and from work unless given permission otherwise and you want a copy of his work schedule so you can make sure he follows that rule. If he doesn’t take the truck keys away and make him walk to and from for a bit. Also, make him pay you rent. With him living there the bills shouldn’t all be on you. You are freakin pregnant. And make him either buy his own food or give you money to contribute towards groceries. Tell him that if he doesn’t like the rules there then he can another place to stay. He is grown and hasn’t been taught to be respectful. I understand that isn’t your fault and I understand the reason your husband used to give in all the time with him but he is an adult now. It’s time to make him grow up and be responsible. He isn’t helping he is causing more stress. And if he continues to cause more stress he needs to go. If your husband respects you and cares about you he will have your back on this. If not it is okay for you to pack up and leave until he comes to his senses. There’s no need for you to put up with this bs at all especially not while you are pregnant. Good luck.
the hell with the pep talk! kick his ass out! get ahold of your county for in hone care ur husband’s ins will take care of it…your in home care aid will help with lots except there job is not taking care of children…just saying🤷♀️good luck! to you all
hes a grown adult…tell him to pay bills now and dads insurance better yet tell him get his own car and own living space
He needs to move out
Sleeping all day and up all night is not helping
Buh bye!
It’s your house lol how you gonna let a grown man take over your own house?
put your foot down and tell him how it’s gonna be. Girl, I would have already done kicked this boy out.
Nope !! I didn’t get past sleeping on the couch all day. Just a big nope . Tell him it’s time to go . Thank you
Kick the the brat out .
That’s your husband and YOUR home. Kick his little a** out
Tell him to get the fuck out
Kick that lazy ass out!
Easy put ur foot down
He’s a grown ass adult. Kick him out. 