First of all he’s not a kid. He’s 21…he’s an adult and needs to start acting as such or he won’t be welcome there! Your house! Your rules! Sounds to me like he’s taking advantage of your dad’s situation. I know you don’t want to cause any hostility with your husband but you need to put your foot down with your step son. Tell him he either stays in the converted garage or he can’t stay
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My own son 1st of four boys. Was like this and still is. It put to much of a strain on my marriage and how his siblings started to act as well was getting bad. They did what they seen was allowed. Soooo we kicked him out. Of course i cried for months but it needed to happen. Long story short. He needs to go. My other kids straightened up. Sometimes kids need to learn the hard way. Sounds like the step son seen an opening for free ride when his dad became ill. Time to throw him out.
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Discuss this with him like he is an adult (because he is). Use I sentences (I feel like I don’t have a living room, I feel like I/we are being taken advantage of…); offer solutions to the problems you bring up, and hear what he has to say.
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He needs to grow up big time. Unfortunately you’re going to have to get tough with him. Establish clear boundaries and don’t budge. If you’d like him to stop sleeping on your couch make it very clear to him that he has a space in which to sleep and that the couch is not it. I’d also start requiring that he help with bills. At 21 he should not be allowed to free-load off his parents. If he doesn’t like it he’s more than welcome to rent his own apartment!
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My situation was similar to yours, sans hubby health issues. I know he’s going through a major adjustment with all that, but you need to be honest with him about how you feel and the 2 of you NEED to present yourselves as a united front to your stepson
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I have a almost 20 year old step son and he’s moving in across the street (he’s lived with us all but a year since he was 15) and I can’t wait. He may be a pain the ass sometimes but that’s still my kid, and my fiancé’s first son. He may treat me wonky sometimes bc I have a very clashful personality but that kid didn’t choose me? I choose them. The whole bundle. And while he catches an attitude sometimes he would give his life for his younger siblings and myself at any given moment. Gotta be able to look past him being a young carefree adult and think about the man he will be in a few years. It takes patience but I just think I back to what a little shit I was when I was 20! It’ll all buff out. Much love.
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Tell him he’s an adult at 21 and to act like it. He sounds like a teenager. 21 year olds don’t sleep all day and are up all night. If he wants to do that go back home.
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First of all have a sit down with your husband tell him how you feel how you frustrated and tell him it’s time for your son to go next step have a sit down with the stepson if there’s any kind of a man he’ll understand your frustration and hopefully pack his bags if that don’t work tell me you’re going to need the keys to the truck you’re going in town package bags leave them on the f****** porch change the locks just like most women do when they kick their husband out or boyfriend it’s not in 9 years old anymore time for him to go unfortunately your husband don’t have the balls to confront him he’s leaving it up to you little lady good luck you may have a support on Facebook but we’re all so sorry that we can’t help you
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He’s 21 let him go cry 2 his mama about his dad having a stroke and him saying he would help out so he could live with u guys and then chose not to help in anyway… He has a job now tell him if he wants 2 stay and not help out he needs 2 pay rent and he needs 2 move back 2 the room he was given… And if u don’t want 2 confront him cuz ur prego thats ok just go take back over use ur tv when u want and watch whatever u want as loud as u want if he gets a attitude with u turn that tv up babygirl tune him out u have enough on ur plate u don’t need 2 take care of a 21 year old man thats his moms job if she wants it otherwise he needs 2 grow up and get his shit together…
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He is working. Now he needs to get a good used car and then a place to live. Both of my kids moved back home. I charged them rent and set it aside. When there was enough, I gave the money back and they move out.
Enough is enough
He is no child no more
He is your husband’s child but it’s both your house and you both have a child on the way
Seriously need to have a talk with him about changing his ‘mood’ and everything around otherwise he’ll have to go
Make sure husband knows too you can no longer pass it all off
Best of luck
First you need to put your foot down with your husband and become a team In discipline. Then you both need to sit down with step son and tell him this is how it will be in this house or you will need to find a new place to live.
If you don’t make boundaries and support each other. It will not be a healthy environment the issues will keep getting on your nerves more and more where the fighting will get worse.
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He’s not a child anymore so you can deal with it regardless of him not being your bio child. He’s no different than any other adult house guest really. He needs to respect your space and the rules of his staying there. Or he can find his own place.
You have other children watching this behaviour and it’s not setting a good example.
Talk you your husband about what you want make sure he is on board to set some boundaries. And go from there.
You deserve to live comfortably in your own home.
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He didn’t have his own place to go back to? Now, he thinks he is going to be the man since his dad is medically needy. Thank him for coming and let him know he can go now. With all due respect for the man who survived.
He’s grown now, put him out. My son is always welcome to live with me whenever he needs too, but he won’t just do so without asking. If he didn’t like where y’all placed him, he should’ve left, bc he’s not going to be putting a bunch of wear and tear on my couch and cluttering up my living room. He fails to realize he is now grown and since his dad didn’t put a stop to it when he was younger…he feels entitled to do as he wants now. He’s grown now so let him feel free to run to whomever he pleases! If he can’t respect the rules of your house he doesn’t need to be under your roof
Tell him the garage and whatever chores yall want him to do or he can move out.
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I wouldn’t tell him shit, he already knows what he’s doing lol and he’s going to continue to do it as long as it’s permitted. 5 kids here, 3 grown and moved out. He used this as an opportunity to get his foot back in the door and take advantage of a situation is what it sounds like to me. Absolutely would not fly in my house. He’d be gone.
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My only advice is to talk to your husband. Communication is key. You don’t have to deal with everything & let yourself get warn down. Tell them both that the arrangement is still for the garage if he’s interested he can stay. You expect some help because you need & deserve it. Don’t be so worried about your husband’s or step sons reaction, be more concerned for your health & your baby’s. If he would choose to divorce you rather then deal with his disrespectful son, it’s not because he’s recovering from a stroke, it’s because he’s a weak minded person. Last thing, if this kid as been around you since he’s 9 - why does he not already have the love & respect he should have for you. YOU need to value you more & take a stance. There should be none of this what about him, it should be what about us. Stand up & sort your shit out. Good luck it’s a very hard battle with partners, kids & society. Put you first cuz that’s who’s always with you.
I went through this with my son and my husband. My husband and I had to compromise, I wasn’t going to let my son be homeless, so we set a date for him to be out, enough time to save up enough money and that was the end of it. He diffently needs to go though.
the stepson is 21, he has a job and has a converted garage where he is not required to pay for anything, wow every 21 yr olds dream. Simply tell him he needs to stop using the living room as his space and use the space provided to him. Its your house lay out the rules for him.
When I was 17 my dad got remarried and moved in with my stepmom in her house. I had been living with him at his apartment and kept staying there until he let the apartment go and I moved in her house with them. I was used to staying up late and hanging out with my best friend and my stepmom threw me out at 17 years old. My dad had to rent an apartment in his name for me to stay in because I had no where else to go. I grew up fast and learned responsibility. I have been on my own ever since and am 44 years old now but never felt wanted by my stepmom. It hurt me a lot when she put me out and I have went all of these years without a relationship with her but I am strong and independent. My dad maintained a relationship with me but she didn’t have anything to do with me.
He’s 21 kick him out like my parents did. Please don’t be like my parents with my brother who is about to be 35 and never lived on his own my parents have put up with his crap. I guess the only difference is our parents always made us pay rent. Maybe take all his stuff from the living room and garage put it on the lawn. Tell him until he can be civil you are sleeping out here oh and now you have to get a job and do house chores as well as help pay the bills. Time to be a responsible adult.
Hes 21 the boy needs to be on his own. I too had similar situation. It was so bad had no choice but to kick him out. You had to be quiet till he got up. I had no help with anything. It was like walking on eggshells. The sooner u get him out the happier you all will be.
Hang on for a few months when baby comes and is up at night take baby to living room baby gets up in morning once again living room. Baby will make a lot of noise. You can make noise now run sweeper loud tv get kids wound up flip on lights talk loudly on phone. Make all the noise you can in kitchen. He will go to garage himself or move out. If he doesn’t you’re going to have to tell him yourself. Give your husband a heads up first.
Um put your foot down. He’s a grown man,21, and he needs to respect boundaries and rules or he can simply leave. Sounds like he never even asked to move in or even bring it up in conversation, so that right there is where I’d draw the line. If he can’t help out like he was supposed too, ask to use his dads truck if he’s not working, ask if he could watch tv, or refused to move back into the garage, then he can see his way out. Be consistent and firm. He isn’t a child… You are dealing with alot already because of your husband’s condition, so it’s time his son grows up a bit and stops taking advantage of the situation.
SPRAY BOTTLE WITH ICE COLD WATER. He is not a child and no one should enable people like this.
Your husband is going to have to be the one to say something unfortunately…he is not a “kid” anymore.
He needs boundaries and if he doesn’t like them and cannot respect them then there is the door.
Be upfront with him and tell him that you where under the impression that he’d help out with his dad. He’s 21 years old he’s old enough to have a grownup talk with. Tell him what’s up.
If in the USA, you may have to legally evict. In WRITING, tell him he has until (insert date) to move out. Usually 30 days. If he doesn’t move out by then, start the formal eviction process.
That being said, try to sit down and have a family meeting first. Talk to him and explain that you were under the impression that the agreement was sleep in garage, help with dad, get a job. However, you’re seeing that’s not happening and you cannot have that. Tell him that “from here on out, what is going to happen is you’re going to get a job, you’re going to sleep in the garage, no more sleeping in the living room as that’s not a bedroom and if you don’t like it you are welcome to leave and go back to where you came from. It is that simple. You are an adult. Act like it. Got it?”
And go from there.
I would flat out tell him what your expectations are and rules. If he doesn’t like it then he can go.
Enough. Sit down with your husband and go over every issue. List what you see and what you want changed. Stress it is for both of you being fragile physically and emotionally. Take notes. Then, between the two of you, make out a contract for the behavior you see and need changed. Acknowledge his help but stress your needs, both of you, and what changes you need physically and emotionally in order for him to continue staying there. At the top of the list should be him completely moving into the space he was supposed to occupy. Both of you should be there and if he gets nasty, serve him a 30 day notice. Been there. Trust me, don’t feel bad or guilty. He knows exactly what he’s doing and he will play that card. Don’t let him. Having him stay in the other space rent & bill-free is a sweet deal and he will know it but try the guilt trip. Speak to your husband ahead of time and agree to present a united front.
Good luck
Ask your stepson “now that your father is better don’t you think it’s a good time to start looking for an apartment. With the baby coming I’m going to need the extra space”.
Bluntly tell him it’s time to go. Set a date and stick to it. He’s too old to be mooching.
Oh no - stepson needs to step on over - in that I mean step out . He has a job , he can find his own way to work and save his money for a room and board situation or apartment elsewhere . You all need time to regroup and get your home back . He is not a kid - thanks for the previous support but we will be fine now . Was so sweet of you to be here at this time - and we want you to get your life back and come and visit for the day when you can .
Boundaries, communication and expectations. Parenting doesn’t end at 18.
One sentence. “You are out of here in 24 hours”. Your belongings will be on the curb after that!”
You’re gonna have to put your foot down and remind him that this is your home. He can abide by your rules, sleep in the converted garage or move on down the road. Seriously if you don’t do it, who will?
Tell him there are other people living in that home, he needs to move to the garage or move out, this is your home not his!!!
Find out why he moved in with you guys.
I would tell him like it is either u respect me and my house or u need to leave
Ur his second mom, treat him like hes ur kid. Tell him either help out or go find some other living situation, end of story. That is ur house, u are the one paying the bills and caring for ur husband. Ur step son needs to understand it. Step up and say whats on ur mind before u really go insane. Its not a good relationship with him in the home, its toxic and he needs to learn respect! So tell him straight out. Look, either u help out while u stay here, also maybe pitch in with some money or go back to where u came from. Tell him ur stressed and it makes u feel emotional and u already have enough on ur plate. Simple as that. Ur home ur paying everything so its ur rules
Tell him it’s time to go if he’s not helping out with his dad. Less stress for u. Its ur house
I been there and it is so hard!! Prayers
Tell him to move out. He’s not helping out, it’s time for him to move out.
Time to hand him his move out date.
Family meeting time…with everyone!!!
Seriously … if your son is 20+ years old living with the father and the fathers wife, don’t you think it’s time for some growing up 
the man has to have his own life too, and his wife shouldn’t feel unwelcome in her OWN home.
If the boy were a CHILD, this would be different…
but this a grown ass man trying to live off his daddy and dads wife.
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I would need to hear his side of the story, before I can give my opinion. 
Time to talk to your husband and if he doesnt do anything about it then HE and his son can move out. Fuck that especially if im paying the bills!! Miss me with that shit!! Yall women gotta learn to be tough and stand up for yalls selves.
I would say if he want to stay he need to get a job and help pay some bills and move back to the area you guys made for him. If he’s not there to help his dad then if he wants to stay he need to pull his weight he’s adult now
Seems like you’re allowing him to do as he pleases in YOUR home. Just sit down with him and have a serious talk. Tell him you’re happy to have him help but there needs to be a few ground rules if he’s gonna stay. #1 he needs to stay in the converted garage so you can have your own space #2 he needs to help out with chores, buy groceries for himself or a portion of $ that u set for food, everything you need him to do in lieu of rent because you’re giving him a huge break. But you can also consider charging him rent plus a housekeeping fee if he doesnt start cleaning up his own shit and helping around the house.
Tell your husband to tell his son he must help with chores , stay in the room they gave him and listen to the house rules.
If he doesn’t like it he can move out
I’d tell him he has 30 days to find his own place. He wants to help then find a place close. If your husband gets mad remind him that that child is a grown man and you are pregnant with his child too and stressing with that baby is not good.
Your way or the highway, he just a free loader, he needs
If you do not set boundaries/ground rules with your stepson and his father NOW, it will be impossible to set them later. You MUST deal with this now before this situation boils over. And it will boil over. Stress could cause your husband another stroke. Talk to him calmly and casually. Give him your NONNEGOTIABLE points first. 1. Don’t ever get snappy, rude or disrespectful to the folks who are providing your grown self with free room, board, food, transportation and auto insurance, etc!!. 2.Off your couch, BACK to his assigned space. 3. As a member of this family we all have a responsibility to help maintain the overall cleanliness of the home. You are NOT a guest, you are a full time family member, therefore a part of our household team. In order for that to happen you must contribute to that effort, physically and financially. (He needs to cover the insurance, oil changes, inspections etc on your husband’s truck, plus at least 2 utilities. Average up the cost and have him pay you the day he gets paid!) But if dad isn’t on board, he will not follow through. Good luck!!!
I would tell him to start by getting his OWN vehicle, and showing efforts of getting his own place or he’s out.
Taking advantage is real and until you adress it, you will have leaches crawling everywhere
If your paying the bills then it’s your rules. It’s that simple. He is a grown A man. And he is using you and your husband. Time to cut the cord.
Put your foot down he’s got a job n old enuff to live on his own been there with a step daughter sending lotsa good vibes
The 3 of you need to sit down and talk about ground rules and what is expected. And if he can’t do that, you will help him find an apartment. It’s already a hard situation.
Get him out of the house.
Tell him GO TO THE GARAGE OR LEAVE wtf!
Yell him to get an apt.close so if you need him you will call leave him the truck for work and let him be grown
Send him to his mother’s house. Put your foot down. This is also your home. You don’t have to deal with this.
Bye bye!! He’s an adult with a job!!!
Kick him out he’s an adult give him 30 day notice. Or tell him the converted garage is his and not the livingroom. If you allow him to stay be firm put your feet down and set HARD LINES for boundaries
Put his ass out he needs his own apartment
Kick him out.
If your husband objects
Tell him fine.
The kids and I are moving out
I think you know what needs to be done but you don’t have the balls to do. Kick both they asses out if need be.
He can move out quick as he moved in… hes an adult and mot needed thank you for what you’re done but it’s time too move on or go to the stage as planned I need my space
He can get his ass up and help do some chores. My 9 year old understands this. He’s a whole grown ass man not a baby anymore. Lay down the rules or he can move out. The longer you let this continue the worse it’ll get. You have a baby coming, you don’t need to be taking care of a 21 yr old man.
He sounds like a normal 21 year old. He also sounds like a 21 year old struggling with some things, including the worry about his father’s health. I wouldn’t be too quick to judge. That he’d give up a private space in the converted garage with a bed and everything all his own to sleep on the couch sounds like he’s afraid to be too far from his father. And, I think even YOU, given that you’re pregnant and if something happens, there’s not much your dad can do to help vs what he can do to help you in am emergency. Most 21 yr olds would revel in having their own space and such. If his father gave him permission to use his truck whenever he wanted, then you have no say. If he didn’t give him that permission, then it it’s up to his father to address it, not you. It sounds like everyone is under quite a bit of stress. Since it sounds like you raised him as your own, then maybe you should handle this the way you would handle it if he was your own, and not your step-son. I suspect you’d give him more understanding of what HE’S going through, and how he might feel an awful lot of pressure, to suddenly be the man of the house, for all intents and purposes. Even if YOU don’t see him as such, he may feel, out of a sense of obligation as a son, like he has this responsiblity, and being as young as he is, He’s emotionally struggling with it all. Why not sit down with him and discuss it in a NON-accusatory, No finger pointing, genuinely concerned for how HE is handling all of this. He, too, may be feeling very underappreciated, but not wanting to create a scene, cause a fight, he’s releasing his pent up stress in passive-aggrrssibe ways.
Does your converted garage look like a garage? Does it have heat/AC? Have you even asked why he has issues with that living space? Are you only acting like this because he’s not your Bio kid?
Have you voiced any concerns to the kid or are you just ranting on FB? Have you told him that he can’t sleep on the couch all day but is more than welcome to at night then move to the garage once daylight hits so others can use the living space? If your husband has no issue with him driving the truck then why do you? I’m an adult and passive aggressive about doing chores because lets be real - no one wants to do it so why does it matter as long as it’s done? Are these feelings due to added hormones you have?
There’s so much to unpack here…
He’s not a kid anymore he’s a 21 year old grown man put his ass in the road
That’s your house. Your rules. Don’t allow to come in and take over
I’d tell him to pack his shit and kick rocks
WTF. Please let your balls hang lady and tell the son to get the fuck out. you work, you pay the bills, he’s 21 years old boot him the hell out
You got me fucked up
Communication is key to everything! Calm clear communication
It’s simple throw him out 
you’ll get pissed enough and woman up
Your house, your rules. He can accept them or he can go. However, you and your husband need to be on the same page otherwise he will play you against each other.
Also, I would get it figured out before you have the baby. Everything that’s bothering you now will be worse when you’re sleep deprived and hormonal.
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What would you and your husband do if your children together were doing this at 21? If you are just placating him bc you’re afraid of him rejecting your hubby, then he is manipulating you, if you would allow it for your children together, then he deserves the same…To me he needs to move back into the converted space you all agreed to. He needs to chip in or ship out, he is an adult. Good luck momma…
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Communicate with you husband. If he just got a job he can start helping out if your husband isn’t yet.
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I would use the house the way you always have and move him into the garage. Let him know that he can come into the house when he needs to, but only if he treats everyone with respect and cleans up after himself as well as the garage.
Tell him he must move out of the living room and pay rent or move out
To the curb momma!! U don’t need that mess with a new baby on the way plus the others don’t need to see this behavior. Hang tough:muscle:t3:
Time for family therapy
Um daytime? Scooch over! Remote? Mine. Truck keys? Missing. Dinner? Feeding my kids but I bet theres stuff to make a sandwich. Get the point?
Lock up stuff and change the locks out his stuff outside thats what my dad did to my brother when my mom would allow him to get away with stuff
Kick his lazy ass out !!!
Set rules, if he doesn’t like it, show him where the door is.
Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel about the situation. It sounds like your husband does not need him there and that the son is taking full advantage and acting like a spoiled brat. Flat out tell the kid that its your house not his, he isn’t paying rent so if he does not start respecting you and your space he can leave. People will treat you how you let them treat you. Stand up for yourself as woman of the house. Dont let him get away with being a dick. Start off telling him nicely to move back in the agreed upon area and if he doesn’t move and blows you off dump a bucket of ice water on his head. Some people need something drastic to know that you are serious. If anyone says anything blame the pregnancy hormones. Stop letting him bully you in your own house. Sometimes bullies need a good punch to the nuts.
Boot him. He is no help.
Kick his freeloading ass out. Pretty sure there were other underlying issues and reasons as to why a 21 year old would just suddenly move back in with his parents regardless of dads medical issues.
You’re in a tough spot mom. I’ve been there with a current step child she was a btch and caused me so much stress and anxiety I was sick all the time and walking on eggshells all the time. She no longer lives with us thank God! Our relationship has improved since she moved out of my house. It took forever before my husband seen what was going on because she was an angel when he was around. my advice you need to get dad involved now. I understand the fear because of the stroke however if things blow up that might be to much stress on your husband. You can’t just throw him out that is going to cause resentment with your husband. But your unborn baby is your main priority and if dad won’t make his son listen and set boundaries you might want to find a place to go. If you leave and tell dad you won’t live in that situation anymore something tells me dad will step up.