Sounds like you two need a week away to reconnect in the bedroom
You took vows and brought three children into this world. Now work it out. Think of your children. Because I can tell you from experience there are not better guys out thereā¦ If heās a good guy, work on your marriage. The future of your children should be your first concern. You DO NOT WANT TO BE A SINGLE MOTHER. You think your life is miserable now, its going to be really miserable as a single mother.
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Nope nope nopeā¦ it takes work. Lots of it. You fix things when they are broken. The grass is usually poop brown on the other side. You have this idolized idea of what you want in your head but thatās so not what love is. Love is commitment and marriage is until death do us part.
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If you only had a clue what you would really be throwing away. Being married to your best friend is a blessing. For some having great sex is HARD work. Ask and divorced single momā¦.she would give a limb to have a husband like you do. You are blessed. And yes if you only think if this one negative you wonāt overcome it. Your sex life can get better. But you have to get a better attitude. One day you will be 80 and looking back yearning for your husband.
As a single mom, Iām just here to tell you good luck finding time for passion with anyone for a good while.
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sooo you wannaeave a wonderful man who worships you and the kids over dick issues?? yea thats sadā¦leave bim so he can find someone who WILL love himā¦ if youre that deslerate, get a toy
You are blessed in so many other areas you best think about what you are doing sometimes all marriages hit a rut & people complain itās the same thing day after day not realizing what a blessing that can be think about if you should become seriously ill are you willing to sacrifice a night or many nights of passion for a man who will stand beside you you can bet the next one wonāt are you willing to sacrifice the love & home & security your children know & depend on I think you are being selfish thatās what wrong with marriage today I have been where you are years ago I speak from experience before you make a decision try to rediscover what you have lost donāt give in to temptation for lust it fades marriage goes through different stages different kinds of love itās not always the hot passionate sex you felt in the beginning all the other in between stuff is the glue that holds it together just think before you act
This is The most terrible reason to leave a person I have ever heard of.
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Honestly after 9 years your feeling this way and willing to throw it all away? Sounds like you need to sit down and mature a little bit. I can understand in being in a unhappy relationship and being abused but why would you want to leave a marriage of that long just because he canāt perform in the bedroom? That sounds very immature. You donāt get married just for the sex and if you have issues with that department there are adult stores out there. Just saying because 9 years isnāt a short time. As far as him being embarrassed, that is no surprise. Men donāt want to admit they have problems because well they are men. They donāt like to admit that they are having issues openly.
Go get some toys with your man and play together! You go get that spark! Marriage is work and you have to make the time for you and your husband! Teach him how your body works! If you want the spark you have to show him how to start it! Do not wait for him you go get him!
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If that is what you want, why are you on here looking for answers. We donāt have the answers. Only you do. Pack your stuff up. Move out and move on. Your not going to find your answers here. Why donāt you leave and leave your kids with him. Sounds like you have a man most women want. If he canāt make you happy sexually then you leave. Why should he leave if you are the one who is unhappy? Why up root the kids if you are unhappy. So make it easy and you go find what you need. And let your wonderful husband and father take care of his kids.
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Unpopular opinionā¦ I say, find what youāre looking for. Itās not gonna be quick and itās not going to be easy. I spent a long time with the wrong people and when i finally found the person i loved that no one else even compared toā¦ i wondered why i was ever with anyone else. People can say yāall took a vow, but divorce is an option. lol you are able to leave if you want. Love is a feeling AND a choice. But if those feelings are gone, itās YOUR choice to leave. Make your happiness.
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Stay. Youāre looking for a unicorn
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Im in a similar situationā¦Iām staying married but got a friendā¦
If you have a good relationship and kids i say work on it. The feeling of falling in love is easy. Staying in love takes hard work. If your life is great other than the ālove feelingā start letting the kids stay with grandparents sometines and really try to work on things. If you say you have tried with the mentality of wanting to leave then you really didnāt try. Try like leaving isnāt an option. Find each other again.
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Let him go so someone can love him better or start dating again!
Seems like you already made up your mind. Why make him wait?
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As a person that spends 24 hours a day with their spouse and has for 25 years; itās easy to no longer be excited by their presence. I compare it to eating the same grilled cheese sandwich 3 times a day. Itās ok, itās filling but itās not exciting. Maybe you just need a break from the constant togetherness. I have a feeling that you take this good man for granite and do not appreciate what you have. Speaking from experience (3 marriages), excitement, flaming passion and wild desire are feelings that wain with time. Respect, love and good parenting are traits that are durable and praiseworthy. Get a different job or take a weekend away, but I promise you that if you leave this guy behind, he will be snapped up by a woman looking for a great husbandā¦not just excitement in the bedroom. You can have both if you change your attitude and put some effort into your relationship.
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Watch the 80/20 video. Love is a choice. After so long, itās not a feeling. Itās a choice. Youāre talking about infatuation, not love. Sex is important yes but imagine being in his shoes for a moment. Men are sexual creatures and have been raised as such. He couldnāt perform. He couldnāt do the one thing society told him he is supposed to be all about. And he was embarrassed. Instead of being understanding and having patience, you grew resentful and bitter. Where he stands is an awful place to be in. I have been in a place where my body felt like it failed me. I gave birth and had severe prolapses and had to have surgery and a pelvic reconstruction. Couldnāt have sex for 7+ months. It was awful. I was embarrassed. Ashamed. Even though it wasnāt my fault at all. Even though these things happen. I 100% understand where your husband was at and if my H tried to leave me and said he āfell out of loveā bc I couldnāt have sex for a while, I would have cut him. Not myself. But him. Lol. Love is a choice. You made a commitment. It sounds like you guys need a weekend away to reignite that flame. I donāt think itās that you donāt love him. I think youāre scared of being hurt and being pushed away again. Bc I promise, you wonāt find that āpassionā that you think you will. Youāll find infatuation and then itāll wear off and youāll be looking for the āpassionā all over again.
To be blunt. The feelings youāre describing wanting are called infatuation. Not love. The infatuation falls away after a few years, and the love takes work.
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Well first of all, love is a CHOICE! It takes a lot of work and choosing to love your partner everyday. The whole āsparkā is bullshit. Sorry to break it you but you are going to deal with problems in any relationship you have. The grass isnāt always greener on the other side. Itās green where you WATER it. I know you think finding someone else is new and excitingā¦ and it may be for a little bit, but if you truly have a good man like you say. Youāre gonna miss him. This day and age most men suck. (Not all. But a lot do) Dating isnāt what it used to be. There is so much more available to people to help them cheat. Sounds like you have a good man. Iād personally do what I could to salvage the relationship. Especially since you brought kids into the world together and you took vows.
Imagine him with another women and truly imagine how life would be without him. Like who would watch the kids? Who would help with dinners bath school and just everyday general things? Try to totally be at that place and see if staying for a while or longer would be better than the heartache and stress of all that. Iāve learned in life that sometimes waiting things out is worth the wait. And would waiting a year or two to see if your mind changes be totally unhappy or stressful for you to do? You need to think deeply about it. I hope everything works out for you.
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One suggestion I can make is put yourself in the others shoes, If this was your husband writing this, Would you want to know his feelingsā¦Probably!
Be honest. No one likes secrets. Either way just be honest and true to yourself and your husband. No one deserves to be lied to. This is fixable, With a little work but the fact he probably has no idea how your truly feeling it wonāt be fixed.
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Wow ur ungrateful & hes to good for you. If you cant get over this problem you have no right to be married at all, medical problems are part of that for better or worse. Youāre not equipped to be married so plz be honest and tell him& while your at it leave him his children and you just focus on yourself as that seems to be the real thing thatās going on your just worrying about yourselfā¦
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So have you ever thought How unfair that sounds for him considering you say heās a great person , you should go cause same as you he deserves someone who really feels something for him , if you stay because heās a good person and helps so much it appears you would just be useing him cause sounds like he really loves you so stop wasteing his time also . But I will add sometimes you donāt realize what you had til itās gone . My fiancĆ© passed away may 26 2020 of a sudden heart attack , at the time I was at a place in our relationship that I was feeling some of the same things but let me tell you once he was gone , my life will never be the same , I realized I was putting too much emphasis on the small stuff and not enough appreciation for the big picture .
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Your love language is not being met. You have every right to feel how you do and if you want to get out, then go. Not giving yourself 100% will stop you from giving 100% of yourself and you deserve to live your life to the fullest. Your kids deserve two happy homes than one with a miserable mom. Deff weigh exactly what life without him means and make sure itās not just one thing you want more of, itās not a light decision. But donāt rob yourself by staying where the situation no longer fits you.
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Go to an adult store, even if ya donāt buy anything. Go on dates. Seek your love language
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I just feel like this is that typical āhoneymoon stage is overā stage of marriageā¦. Try the love dare, or maybe instead of pulling back stop saying ānoā in your head and just try to be there in the moment and think of nothing else. You can get that feeling backā¦ but that also depends on how hard you actually want to fight for your family.
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I think you might have someone on the side or your thinking about it 
Js that is what I got from this sorry
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You had that spark or you wouldnāt have kids. What about a date night. 36 hours ,once a month no kids, phones , maybe a place with just basic stuff, water and food . So you have to talk and spend time together.
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Tslk to your husband he sounds like a great guy the grass is never greener
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The grass isnāt always greener
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Tell him the truth and Let him go.
He will find someone amazing who will him as hard as he loves you.
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I think what youāre describing is lust. Every couple has that in the beginning. Before you throw away your marriage for some fantasy you have, you should try dating him again. After 3 kids, things always get āboringā. Marriage is hard work. Put in that work to see if you can get your spark back before you wreck your childrenās lives over some fictional love ideas you have.
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Is good sex and passion worth losing everything else? A good man and father?..
What you described is not reality. Itās a crush/infatuation that you want. Those feeling die out in all relationships over time and when that happens. You wake up every day and choose to love your spouse above all else. Thatās what you agreed to when you got married.
If you end this relationship that is so smooth you may regret it. The next relationship you have may be with someone that is controlling and abusive
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Thereās really a ton going on here. Iām gonna number to keep thoughts in order not to be hateful.
First. Yes, cutting himself because you were leaving can be a sign of manipulation.
It can also be a sign of depression or anxiety. A way to feel in control when everything is spinning out of control. Is it particularly āhealthyā obviously not. But itās not always manipulative. I remember one timeā¦I was 13? My dadās girlfriend got into my stuffā¦read notes Iād written to a friend wondering if I had asthma (I was having panic attacks but didnāt even know that panic attacks were even a thing) I also went on a tangent in that note about how much I hated being at my dadās house. Well. My dad started flipping out. Screaming. Panic started rising. I just wanted it all to stop. I needed it all to stop. I grabbed a razor and tried to cut myself. I was absolutely desperate. I wasnāt trying to kill myself. I just wanted the outside to reflect the inside. I wanted control. I wanted them to see what they were doing to me. I needed it to stop.
Like to someone whose never really dealt with anxiety or depression that doesnāt make any sense.
But I would say that itās not necessarily manipulation on his part.
Two. I hate to break this to you but life isnāt a romance novel. You expecting a life long consuming love is like men expecting Thier partners to be porn stars 24/7.
Itās unhealthy at best and toxic at worst.
All consuming love is part of that honey moon phase, but that honey moon phase isnāt sustainable. Itās not meant to be sustainable.
Because eventually ārealityā sets in and other things have to take precendece.
Think back.
To staying up all night talkingā¦late night datesā¦all nights in the bedroomā¦ all those things that make up all consuming love.
Is that really sustainable with three kids, a job, and priorities? No. Even if you could force this stage to continue for the rest of your lifeā¦it eventually takes itās toll on your body and mental health. Your kids will loose out. You will loose out on your kids.
Three. Bedroom issues.
This is kinda toxic behavior on your part.
If the roles were reversed youād 100% be condemning him for wanting to leave you for a medical issue that was affecting you so deeply.
Four. Does that all mean you canāt be in love with your years long partnerā¦no.
It means itās a softer quieter kind of love. The kind that just stays. The kind you donāt fear ending because itās secure. Unfortunately sometimes that meansā¦You have to put the work in to find the passion. But thatās ok. Because that passion is devoid of insecurity or embarrassment.
Five. Not trying to be a brat hereā¦But Iām going to try to assume youāre not just a toxic person in general.
If I were you I would talk to your doctor and a psychiatrist (aloneā¦not suggesting couples counseling).
To me it sounds as though youāre looking for a huge dopamine fixā¦which could signal some kind of imbalance, behavioral issue, or mental health issue.
For the meantimeā¦
I would also recommend sitting down. Look at your husband.
Really look at him but look at him like youāre a stranger looking in (sounds strange but trust me here).
List all of his attractive attributes.
Everything someone else would find attractive.
Focus on those things when youāre talking and interacting.
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He helps you. Alot of men dont. Buy yourself a dildo. Alot of women would take your husband Iām one of them. Let me no if you leave
You can leave him and the kids. Then you can focus on finding the passion your looking for.
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Go ahead and get you a man youāre passionate about! Let him cheat on you, treat you like crap, and abuse you or your kids. You got a good man! Quit complaining! Your passion can be reunited! He went to get his issues fixed, go get yours fixed! Sex therapy, marriage counseling, whatever it takes! You going to ruin your life, his life, your kids life over sex! But a vibrator.
I totally understand your lack of passion as a reason to leave. I too lived something similar. But I did leave and tho I found that passion it was attached to a narcissistic alcoholic. I walked away from that into another relationship and it was wonderful. But it too lacked passion and some other issues that couldnāt be fixed.
So truly the grass is not greener on the other side. And a good man is hard to find. You need to tell him how you feel and together you can make it work.
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The love you describe is whatās in books, and movies, but doesnāt actually exist. There are stages to love and one of them is infatuation, which is felt early on but goes away. After a decade youād expect contentment, which is where you are. I think many of us grew to believe in this idea of love that has led to ruined marriages. I highly suggest not chasing the unobtainable.
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30 day sex challenge. It IS a choice to be in love. It is very selfish to break up a family just because you arenāt sexually satisfied. Your kids will never understand that you took away their dad because of it.
Get over yourself and leave the man. He deserves better than you using him because he is a good guy. I feel bad for your kids. You need to stop dragging your feet and tell him how you feel.
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So you want to go get off is what youāre really saying. Heās a good guy meaning what? He doesnāt argue, he takes care of his kidsā¦and right now he is there with them full time once you leave youāll probably still expect that which wonāt happen lol, he helps around the house which will also become your fulltime dutiesā¦ Youāre wasting him as a good man. Sex is definitely important which is why you spice things up. sounds like youāre the boring one and you have your eyes set somewhere else. The grass is never greener. Plus it sounds like he may have had some āEDā ISSUES and youāre just low as hell for letting that allow you to ānot love him.ā YOURE HIS WIFE NOT SOME GIRLFRIEND. WHAT IF HE WAS FULLY DISABLED??? Please let another woman love him CORRECTLY. stop using him for your own benefit.
Youāre looking for a harlequin romance novel, and that just isnāt real. If youāre so willing to give up a good man over something so small, then do him a favor and go. Youāre gonna find out the hard way that the grass aināt always greener.
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Marriage takes work, and there is a reason they call the wonderful early days āthe honeymoon periodā Incredible passion in the bedroom is easy in the early days. Unfortunately, your early days were marred by your husbandās refusal to get his issues fixed. Now that they are fixed, the spark is gone. Seek couples therapy to see if your marriage can be saved. It could help to have a professional listen to both of you to help you find common ground.
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Sounds like youāve got someone else in mind.
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What you are describing is infatuationā¦ Not loveā¦ You just miss that rush of infatuation but that doesnāt lastā¦ Love is what is left after that rush of passion fades. Love is a sense of care, commitment, friendship, complicity. Love is feeling like a team member. I just donāt think you understand it or how it worksā¦ You are going to ruin your family looking for an infatuation tornado and after that fades in your next relationship you will feel empty again and regret what you lostā¦
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Do you think itās because yāall are around each other too much, my husband and I both work together too,Some days itās great and Someday it absolutely terrible, where I have to lock myself in the bedroom,To take a long bath!
Sounds like you got a good man, Life is not Always better on the other side, maybe try to make plans of doing stuff by yourself couple of times a week!
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Maybe your not in love with him but you have to love him he sounds wonderful and he must love you and itās plain you both love the children I would stick it out make it interesting try different things be romantic date night , you could end up with a Womanizer or abuser or someone mean to your children or someone very mean think hard before you leave you donāt know what youāre getting into itās not worth it
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Talk to your husband and also if you need to get stuff toys and stuff to bring into your sex life try new things get it spend time figuring out what yāall like and try doing more that way cuz believe me you let him go now he gets from somebody else then you want them back I aināt going to happen
I think what the issue is here is you resent your husband for leaving you unsatisfied in the bedroom for a period of time for what you see as a selfish reason (too embarrassed). You subconsciously turned off your feelings for your husband to avoid the mental anguish of being left unsatisfied. If you donāt want him, he canāt disappoint you, right? Try therapy, for just yourself this time. Work through whatās going on in your own head first. If the sex was great to start, it can be great again. If heās just not hitting the right spot, tell him where to go lol if thereās one thing a man will actually listen to a woman for itās D game criticism. If heās āobsessedā with you as you said above, Iām sure heād be more than willing to get creative to please you.
Would you both be willing to have an open or poly relationship? 
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Wanting to be obsessed is a serious sign of co dependency.
Not healthy
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My husband and I have that passion that you are looking for. Here is how we do it. We communicate. We go to counseling every sunday. We go to church. We chase God together. We do daily marriage devotionals. We have a communication board to see what we can do to help the other that day. We praise each other. We lift up the other one. We ādie to selfā. We acknowledge our own issues and fix them instead of trying to fix the other person.
The examples of marriages I had as a kid/adolescent/teenager showed that when things get hard, you leave. Iāve always been that type of person. My parents didnt want me, so they left, my mom didnāt want my dad, so she left, my step mom wanted more , so she left, etc etc etc. Iāve left my husband twice because thatās just what Iāve learned ya do. Instead of working through the issues we had, I hurt the man that I love most because things werenāt perfect. Thankfully, we are better than ever now, but leaving just because you canāt communicate clearly is not the answer.
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Sounds like you are busy trying to talk through things, but it doesnt seem like communication is the issue. Try and let go of the issues from the past. Donāt think about them at all and the two of you go do something new and adventurous together. No kids, no worries or stress, no talks of past issuesā¦ just be in the moment. You have something alot of women wished that they had and focusing on 1 thing thatās not right. Passion, sex and intimacy canāt be solved through analytical conversations. That sort of stuff is done through action. You are too caught up in your head that itās not there for youā¦ that you are blinding and stopping yourself from actually letting things flow. Take time as a coupleā¦ see where it goes from there.
Go out with eachother. Reinvent ur relationship. Get a sitter for a week go rekindle
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For better or worse. What if it happened to you? Would he have stayed? Life isnāt fair, stop complaining and work on it even harder. I can tell you from experience, you havenāt opened every door yet!
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Reading this, I thought of the show Sex/Life on Netflix minus the ex boyfriend getting in the picture. Or is there someone else in mind?
Honestly, IMO, stay for the kids. They donāt deserve a broken family especially when your husband, their dad is in no way abusive.
Everything can be learned. Even love. 
Well good luck with that fairy tale. You can find a love that consumes you with passion but that is a short term feeling. All marriages go through times that can last years where you feel dull and numb about your spouse. Love isnāt just a feeling itās a daily choice you have to make. You made a covenant before God when you married him so donāt take your decision lightly when you make that decision. Make that decision for the right reasons.
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Here are a couple examples of how we talk to each other daily. This right here is what keeps the passion alive. Intimacy in the bedroom doesnāt start in the bedroom. Its stuff like this that makes me desire him intensely
You invest time back into your sex life. You have to try and re-spark the romance. You fix what is broken.
Go ahead n be selfishā¦ruin the kids lives ,his life,Your life ā¦looking for some story book fantasyā¦instead of facing reality and appreciating what you have.love n marriage is hard work, commitment, loalty .you get what you put inā¦
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If you dont love him leave. If hes a good guy than co parenting will be the bees knees. Why wait for happiness? Go get some life pumping through you as a single woman.
Everyone saying its selfish to leave ignore the fact the kids will know and be hurt. My parents never loved each other but stayed. Even at 28 it is a hatred toward them. We would of been happier had they divorced. Its also not fair to lie to a partner about loving them for 20 plus years yo. Staying means giving the world a lie
Dont lie. LEAVe
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Try going on vacation with him and see if you can connect on a different level. Itās hard to focus on a relationship when you have children, work, and, chores to do/ worry about.
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Marriage is about commitment. You committed yourselves to each other. You both need to COMMUNICATE your feelings and try to work it out. Set goals and boundaries. Put your foot down. The passion is there you just have to look for it.
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Please read The five love languages. Itās eye opening. That consumed by love feeling always goes away. Seems like you need to find a spark with your husband again. Try dating him again.
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First, youāre never going to find a love that āconsumes you.ā And if you do itāll always be short lived. Love isnāt just a feeling, itās a choice. Infatuation is a feeling and eventually that fades. Being consumed by love isnāt a good thing. Itās a codependency thing and thatās not healthy. You said youāve tried counseling, and Iām not trying to be mean, but it sounds like you could benefit from a little one on one counseling. It may really help you.
By all means if you want to leave because youāre not happy then leave. But youāll just find yourself unhappy in the next relationship you end up in too. Not at first but eventually. Marriage isnāt easy. Sometimes itās boring. Sometimes itās hard.
Try getting yourself some counseling to deal with your own issues. Once you learn to make yourself happy you wonāt rely on just your husband to do that
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Thereās a lot of good advice. And you can have both, but the longer youāre together itās normal to feel more comfortable together and not as passionate 24/7 because your used to each other, but you can still have nights of passion. Try some of the suggestions others have given. And just remember new relationships may seem more exciting at first, but the grass is almost always in fact not greener on the other side. And whatever you decide to do canāt be taken back. If you leave youāll probably regret it. Itās hard to find someone that you can work as a team with. At the very least Iād give it until the kids are older, but by then I feel your feelings will have changed.
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Have the hard conversation. You owe it to him, yourself and your kids. You both deserve what you are seeking,and your kids deserve to see both of their parents in a healthy loving relationship. If you are friends and do this like adults your children will be fine and still have both parents in a healthier relationship than what they have now. I wish you both and your family happiness and loveā¦
Maybe try some bedroom toys, it sounds like everything else is there other than romance in the bedroom. Or take a vacation getaway and try some new thingsā¦ maybe you just need to reconnect
No one can answer this question for you. You know in your heart what the answer is. Follow that.
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Marriage counseling.
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What would you tell your daughter to do in that same situation?
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You deserve to feel love and he deserves to be loved. Not every couple is meant to stay together. Yes there are kids involved but they will adjust. Your not taking the kids away from him. I bet yāall could have a great co parenting relationship. My Mom stayed until I was older before she left my Dad. And honestly I wish she hadnāt. She faked being happy for me. While I just wanted a Mom that was really happy and she wasnāt.
For the ones throwing judgment stones, shame on you. She has poured out how she feels so quit freaking hurting her more.
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Iām sorry but you sound selfish and this is horrible. You staying just because heās āa good guyā is wrong and you know it! A marriage is 100/100 and when that partner cannot put 100 in at times, the other picks up the slack, why? Because you made a commitment to that person. If he was having trouble, yāall talk and work it out. There are other things you could have done to spice it up, to satisfy yourself along with your husband. If I found out that my husband wasnāt happy and was staying till the kids were older just to leave, it would crush every ounce of me. Talk to your husband, not at him, but to him and then listen to him and what he has to say. I personally think heās better off without someone who doesnāt love himā¦ whoās chasing after a movie romance! Iāll tell you what will happen, you will leave to chase this dream (not realizing you have to actually work at a marriage) he will continue to be this amazing guy as you say, find someone who really loves him and shows it. He will end up with what you have and you will spend your life chasing dreams and never happy. Fix yourself before you can fix anything elseā¦
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It sounds like you may be harboring deep resentment from the years of bedroom issues and maybe built some walls for protection during that time. Now that the issues are fixed, those walls are still up and you may need some help breaking them down and feeling vulnerable again. Bedroom issues cause hurt and scars. That emotional scar tissue is super tough and long-lasting. You may have a hard time being open even if you leave him and find someone new. The smallest thing can trigger those old feelings. That romance novel giddy feeling doesnāt last and itās not meant to last. Itās shallow. Communicate with him. Tell him how you feel. Be open to his responses. My husband and I have been together for 22 years and weāve been thru some really low lows. On year 8 we had drifted so far apart we could barely stand each other. One day he told me he loves me but he wasnāt in love with me any more. I was broken. I went to my sister and she asked if I love him. I said yes. She said then fight for that love. She handed me the book called the Five Love Languages. I read the whole thing in that one day and was ready for him when he came home from work. I cornered him in the shower so he would listen to me and explained how I felt, what Iād read, and that I would love us enough for the both of us. We would get thru this. We cried and then I followed thru. We also started going to church more regularly and God played a huge role in our healing and our marriage. Still does. I still felt the hurt of what he said for the first few years, but it lessened with time. Now our relationship is so strong and we have that spark back. I wish you well in whatever you decide to do. Just know that it wonāt be easy either way and that spark and passion takes a ton of work.
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Bring in some sex toys! Spice things up! Sex isnāt everything! Youāve got it made honey.
Counseling. Itās a commitment it takes work. You have to work hard. You need to be hav I no a huge honest conversation. If heās as great as you say he will work just as hard.
Either tell him how youāre feeling or leave him. Itās not fair to him for you to be with him just because you and him have kids together. Let him go so he can be happy as well, but also donāt try coming after he have done moved on wanting him back because that wouldnāt be fair either, but I feel like if you leave you will regret it. Just talk to him and go from there
First of all did you have that love for him to start with, if you had that love then take time and look inside yourself, like someone said try dating again, make special time for each other, if you donāt have any feeling anymore than talk to him, while you say he cut himself to get attention, that may not be the fact. Did he cut before if so then it is a tool for him to release his pain, he needs help with learning another way. It seems you made up your mind already, so just leave and make the children know itās not their fault, you are doing more harm than good. If you canāt give 100% into the marriage then it will never work, because marriage is a lot of work, and it has to be 100% you and 100% him, if not itās time to go.
Newsflash: if you have everything you need with him, except āpassionāā¦ you will never be happy with anyone else. Maybe the problem is you and your expectations. There are ways to rekindle passion with your current partner. If you supposedly went to couples counseling and it didnāt helpā¦ either you didnāt actually go, you didnāt put your full heart into it, or the therapist was crap. Regardless, the problem is with YOU. If you leave him, you ARE selfish. If you find your āpassionā with someone elseā¦ you wonāt get the rest of the man your husband is. Itās called karma.
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Stop watching romance movies. Real life is not like in the movies.
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So you donāt love him because there isnāt any sex?! Listen here lady, he doesnāt owe you his body. You are not entitled to his body even if you are married to him. You sound awful. He should leave you!
Iām too pregnant for this 
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I hate that ppl are saying that those things you want are there in the beginning and they die out in āall relationships over timeā . Thatās not true. Love and lust do not die out in a good well rounded loving passionate relationship. When that feeling fades away itās because you both stop trying. Now anyway you said itās too late for you because he neglected you in the bedroom for so long and thatās understandable. he stopped trying so why should you. You do not have to stay in a relationship that youre bit happy in. Period. You have every right to leave. You deserve to wake up next to someone for the rest of your life that makes you feel loved and wanted and who you want just as much. The passion you want is not unrealistic. All these ppl living their bland passionless lives saying youāre only looking for lust not love donāt know what they have never had. You can have that. That being said I also donāt think you should go rushing off and leaving your husband. You should try to make it work and commit fully to doing so before you leave any marriage. By commit fully I mean you have to try, you have to change what youāre doing, have more sex, be willing to try different things in bed and life routines to try to get that love and feeling back. Thatās only fair. Also tell him that your not happy and you need more passion and romance to feel fulfilled in this relationship. Youāve said heās supportive and great so maybe he doesnāt know and if he did he might be willing to give you those things youāve been looking for. As for sex once you get a rut and not having it alot and then years pass youāre going to lose alot of that desire for the person. But the thing is once you start having a lot of good sex again you may very well feel differently about him in time. You have to try and be committed to giving him some time to see if you can get these feelings back for him. You owe yourself and your family that much. Walking away from a marriage thatās hard on you emotionally isnāt the answer until youāve exhausted all other avenues. Youāre married you should be looking first to fix your marriage before you quit on it. Itās up to you to bring the passion back. This is why ppl shouldnāt get married in their 20s though. Youāre a completely different person at 20 than you are at 30. I wish you the best. Donāt give up yet your kids deserve a whole family. If you can make it work you should. If you just canāt find a way to love him in the end then you should leave to go find what your looking for. You may or may not find it though so just be aware of that. The grass isnāt always greener on the other side.
Love is a daily choice, not a feeling. You go searching for the fairy tale of an all consuming feeling and youāll eventually be disappointed. It doesnāt exist. You wake up every single day and you choose to honor your vows. You choose to love that person.
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I would try to see if the passion can come back. Maybe try going on dates again and see if the spark comes back. You say he is a great guy it would be sad for you to lose that and get with someone else who is horrible to you. I would try everything possible before leaving
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Do NOT stay for the kids !!
Itās hard. Breaking up a family is HARD. But staying together for the wrong reasons is only going to cause tension and resentment.
I was with my childrenās father for 6 years, I loved him, and always will because heās my childrenās father, but I didnāt feel the same as when we first got together. Same as you, he was a good dad, he helped out when he wasnāt working, and it broke me to break him. We eventually stopped making time for each other and stopped the intimacy without even realizing. He has been and always will be one of my best friends, but that connection was no longer thereā¦ But you canāt force whatās no longer there . And staying for the kids only makes things worse. You may not realize it but your kids notice EVERYTHING. A broken home is better for everyone than to have a family together for the wrong reasons.
You got this mama . Stick to your guns and follow your heart AND your head ! Itās not easy, itās going to be tough. But he deserves the love he feels for you, reciprocated and you deserve to be happy and in love for the right reasons xxo
Also, as I said Iāve been through this ā¦ now Iām with my fiancĆ© of 6 years and we are getting married in less than 2 months and we have an almost 3 year old together . And Iām happier now than Iāve ever been. Donāt give up, but also donāt rush things with anyone, take time for you and your kids! You will find happiness again!
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Sex isnāt love.
If you think you have to have wild, passionate romance for a relationship to work, you never knew what a relationship was. It sounds to me like you married the sex, not the manā¦and screwed over a pretty good man, because of it.
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I know you said you tried counseling
But have you tried sex counseling? There are a lot of times in the bedroom communication gets lost and a sex counselor can help you pick up on signs, tells, wants, or desires you may even not know you have
He was good enough in the bedroom to have 3 kids withš¤·š¼āāļø honestly, a good man is hard to come byā¦many men may make you feel the spark your looking for initially and than take advantage of your situation and you will miss the man that loves youā¦you married him for a reason, just bring the reason backā¦or live the rest of your life telling your kids he just loved you too much and so you had to leaveš¤¦āāļø
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Go away for awhile let him be the dad and have his children to bring up maybe then you will realise what you are loosing .as your the one not happy. So leave .dadās make great single parents too .donāt automatically think Iām going to leave him take kids .or he has to go .sorry sound harsh .but there his children too and he sounds like a lovely man and a great dad too
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Simple: your not In love ā¦but do love himā¦self hurting himself is selfishā¦This is already in a spirilla ā¦ talk to someone who will give you legal advice on this matter and what steps to take.
Leave, and find out the grass is not greener on the other sideā¦then it may or may not be too lateā¦to get backā¦just my opinion āabsence makes the heart grow fonderā
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Life isnāt a movie. Passion isnāt forever. You have it made girl. You will never find those qualities again. So do you want a bunch of āgood for a few monthā men, or one you can count on? I feel like this about my husband occasionally. Itās a me thing though. Not his fault and I know what I have. Iām no stupid, Iād never throw away a good man. My husband is my best friend. Thatās more important than anything. Marry your best friend, you need to LIKE your partner even more so than loving them. Look inside yourself and see him for what you did when you married him.
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Um wow. Poor dude is all I have to say. Also, the grass isnāt always greenerā¦
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Be honest! Maybe work and getting him counseling first but if itās just not there what can you do. Iām not sure I got your age. He sounds like my husband good to me and my kids he has raise but I also no married 21 yrs and together 26 there is no bedroom sex for us we both live each other that itās enough for us think about it
Iām sorry but yāall have been together for nine years! Of course your marriage isnāt gonna be wild and exciting unless you make the effort to make it that way. Sex is not a reason to leave a 9 yr marriage in my opinion and he can learn what u like in the bedroom etc if you tell him or show him. You had 3 kids with him and married him for a reason fight for your marriage.