I don’t know if this is really advice or reassurance I am needing.
I’ve been with my S/O a little over 3.5 years. He’s a great guy. We were just friends when I ended up getting pregnant. We was just friends during that time because I had just got out of a very manipulative relationship a few months prior and wasn’t ready. I had plans to move out of town and thought when I got pregnant this was my sign to stay. My child is probably the best thing to ever happen in my life and I’m forever thankful to god that he gave him to me when he did. With that being said, I wanted to give my baby the chance to live in a home with his mother and father. I thought I would learn to love him in a way more then just friends. Because relationships are hard and sometimes you’ve got to fight to love someone…
When I gave birth I realized I did love him a little more because I seen how much love he had for our son. We’ve never really connected on a mental, or spiritual level which has lead to a lot of problems in other areas.
I told him a few months back that I wasn’t in love with him. I love him because he is my fathers son, and he is hands down a phenomenal father. He stepped up and really started helping me around the house and what not, but I think I’ve done talked myself out of it all. I’m not happy, I get no satisfaction in the relationship. He doesn’t communicate with me. It’s always just “ok.” It’s to the point when I’m driving home after picking up my son I’m dreading to go because I’ll have to interact with him and it makes me feel like a horrible person.
How do I go about saying I’m just done? How do I disrupt my 3 year old life when he loves his daddy more than me most days? How do I live with the guilt that he’s not a bad man, a bad father, he doesn’t abuse me, would give the shirt off of his back to a stranger, but I don’t love him? I am having a really hard time with this. I keep telling myself my life isn’t that bad. I worked my ass off to try and help him to become more responsible and get a good head on his shoulders.
Thanks guys, don’t eat me alive. I’m already doing it to myself.
A father and a husband are 2 different roles. You can be one without being both…
I would say before you end the relationship try counseling either by yourself or with him.
Go to counseling get on the same page go on dates re kindle that fire
I would say you deserve love. Move on. If he’s a great father he’ll still be there for your son.
try therapy, individual and couples. you may have some unhealed issues from before
Tell him stop wasting his time
You can’t feel something you don’t feel. If you are not in love with him you can’t force yourself to be. I spent 20 years trying to. It just doesn’t work. If he’s such a great guy he will continue to be a good father but he needs to be loved in a way you can’t. Try honesty. Not fair to any of you.
So you created a situation and now you want nothing to do with it…knowing from the get go that you didn’t really love him like that yet you proceeded…
I think it’s best you move on and coparent peacefully. Please do not keep the child away from him because of petty things and I’m sure you’re thinking about child support…no. If in the future he isn’t responsible with his child nor helps pay for the expenses for said child than cool but at the moment don’t do that to that man. 
I would check to see if it’s not postpartum depression because I have come across women that even hate their husbands after having the baby it’s even made them get a divorce it can take up to 2 years to feel yourself again if after checking then find your happiness he can still be a father to your child no matter where you are
I had this happen to me I was married to him for 17 years though we have 3 kids, it’s easier when they r young when they r older then 5 I think it’s harder
If u dont love him then it would be the right thing to tell him and let him move on to someone that will love him like he deserves.
He can still be a father to his son without being with you.
I think you might find that after you end it that you actually did love him. Real love is not all fireworks and butterflies. It’s commitment and hard work
I would say try therapy if both of you are ok with doing that, and that’s even if you believe it will help if you don’t think it will and that you will never love him other then having love for him because he’s your sons father then let him go. There is someone looking for love and will love him unconditionally. Chances are though once it’s over you may find out that you do love him and you just need to figure out what’s going on in your life to prevent you from actually feeling love for him.
Just saying, but good guys are hard to find. Sounds like yours is pretty good. Certain things might need to be worked on. But get a professional opinion. Don’t just be done. He could possibly work on the things your needing. Guys are a different species. It takes a lot for them to really understand needs. Hope it works out.
You need to be happy. You and him being together just for your child will not work out in the end. I’m sure he will be hurt at first but you to can move on be happy and be wonderful parents who co parent. I moved on after my son and me and my husband and my sons father and his partner were all a team. We weren’t petty when there was a game we all went. It takes a village. Eventually your unhappiness will shine through. Sometimes you have to live yourself enough to walk away.
I have no advice but for you to put your happiness aside and put your baby’s needs before your own all to see your baby grow up in a happy environment… well done to you. Honestly that is the bravest and most selfless thing you can do as a mother 
I’ve been in a relationship where I felt the same way you do. He was an amazing guy but he wasn’t the right guy for me. I couldn’t stay but knew it would be hard to find someone as wonderful as him. But it came down to not only was it not good for me it wasn’t good for him. He deserved to be loved by someone who could love him for who he is.
If it’s one thing about children, it’s that they need to be happy. Your son will know you’re not happy and he will think that, that’s how relationships are. The best you can do for your son is have healthy relationships especially with his father. Go back to being friends, take time to find yourself, and enjoy your life.
I’d say you’ve beaten yourself up enough over this. I’m not sure how you should go about it other than being completely and utterly honest with him. If you truly feel you don’t have it in you to want to fight for the relationship, then maybe it’s best to step back. Of course it’ll be confusing to your lil babe, but he’s still got his daddy and you two could still be friends, if thays something you would both want, obviously it helps getting along with the person you’re co-parenting with as well. I hope whatever you decide, it goes well, and that as hurtful as it may be to deal with, your well being is just as important as anyone elses’.
I just hope that after you break his heart and destroy his family, you at least have the decency to give him equal time with his kid and don’t go after him for child support or anything like that. And when he finally does find a good woman to replace you, don’t go getting jealous and try to get in the way of his happiness. If you don’t love him that’s fine. But one day you may find yourself alone because you can’t find anyone that does make you happy. And how are you going to feel when your child is picked up or dropped off by his dad and step mom? How are you going to feel at Christmas or birthday parties and all the other special events in your child’s life when you see someone else there with him?
ℒℴ𝓋ℯ 𝒸𝒶𝓃ℴ𝓉 𝒷ℯ 𝒻ℴ𝓇𝒸ℯ𝒹. ℐ𝒻 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒹ℴ𝓃’𝓉 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ 𝒽𝒾𝓂 𝒾𝓉’𝓈 𝓉𝒾𝓂ℯ 𝓉ℴ 𝓁ℯ𝒶𝓋ℯ.
𝒴ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓈ℴ𝓃 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒹𝒶𝒹𝒹𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓋𝒾𝓈𝒶 𝓋ℯ𝓇𝓈𝒶.
𝒦𝒾𝒹𝓈𝓌ℴ𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓇 𝓁ℯ𝒶𝓋ℯ 𝒶 𝒷𝓇ℴ𝓀ℯ𝓃 𝒽ℴ𝓂ℯ 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃 𝓁𝒾𝓋ℯ 𝒾𝓃 ℴ𝓃ℯ.
Oh baby don’t blame yourself! It’s all okay! There’s someone great for him and you as well! You can’t mend a love that’s not there! Tell him and figure it out from there 
good luck 
I see and hear this alot you can’t make yourself love someone if you don’t time only makes you realize it more. Sounds like you put to much pressure and time into hoping you would and honestly that’s not fair. Your keeping him even though you don’t love him like that. That’s kinda selfish to you and him. Let him go to find someone who will love him in a way you can’t. No husband or wife should be with someone who might fall in love or might not. Life is to short not to be in love with someone set him free to find that love. Also keep in mind if he’s that great of a guy he won’t be single long good guys are hard to find these days. Your I’m not in love with you husband will be a treasure to another girl. But the grass isn’t always greener on the other side so don’t be upset if some other guy isn’t as great. Because you can’t take I’m not in love with you back and many women often regret letting a great guy go after he gets snatched up. If you don’t have that connection and spark from the get go then normally you never will. You both deserve to be on a relationship of love. Set you both free. Carly said it best in this song https://youtu.be/SBBhyMYnwCw
If you don’t love him be honest
Leave him. Your mind will never be able to love him again.
Be completely honest with both yourself and him. You already said you see him as a friend, and he’s a great dad as well. Those two things don’t mean he has to be your husband. Just sit down and talk with him about a separation that’s equal all around.
My heart breaks for both of you. This is such a hard situation. I wish I had advice for you but I truly don’t. The only thing I can tell you is that this isn’t your fault. You cannot help you who do and do not love. I’ve been with my husband 9 years. I am absolutely without a doubt in love with you but I’ve suffered extreme emotional and verbal abuse. But… he is the most amazing father. I should have left years ago because of the abuse but I’ve stayed for our kids and my love for him. There’s no wrong or right way to go about this because either way your child and his father will be hurt. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I’m wnt and am going through a similar situation it sucks but thank god I don’t have children in the middle… I thought it would change but it won’t and it bites sorry u are going thrw this
Love is a choice, not an emotion. If you choose not to love him then you need to be honest and move on. Give him a chance to find someone that will choose to love him.
I stayed and have one more child ! It’s 43 years now ! Children have their own families, I have 6 grandchildren ! I love them all, apart from my husband!
I’m getting nervous when it’s time for him , to come home from work! I dread Saturdays and Sundays. I cannot advice you but I can warn you. I never, ever get any satisfaction from that marriage. If not for my children and financial situation, I would be gone! Gone long time! It’s not good situation. I gave up on love and meaningful relationship. It’s only warning. It’s only my experience. I wish you all the best of luck and happiness. I’m lucky, that I don’t end up with mental health issues. Maybe I did!
Just don’t be selfish it’s hard on your own
Honey…you can’t force love. Yes, you love the role he plays in your life, and the fact that he is a kick ass dad…but platonic love is VERY different from romantic love. And the two don’t always mesh.
We all deserve love…and you have tried.
Yes, it may disrupt your son’s life, but at the same time…being in a house where your parents don’t romantically love each other becomes obvious as you age. He would benefit from two loving parents doing that whole co-parenting thing equally.
Staying because you’re trying to love your partner is not really fair to either of you.
Co parenting exist for a reason.
In my opinion, it’s really saddening that before you even got married, you knew you didn’t love him the way you should’ve but married anyways. Really, why? Marriage isn’t suppose to be “just” a piece of paper, that’s why there are vows in the ceremony. It’s a serious commitment that shouldn’t be gotten into lightly, till death due you part. No one can decide what you should do but I didn’t read that he doesn’t love you, he’s a cheater or abusive to you or your child, which is great and possibly an open door to really work at building up your marriage so both of you can be happy & in love. Marriage is hard work.
Chemistry can’t be forced, iit’s ok not to have romantic feelings. You can both be parents. It’s better he grow up with the best of each of you separately, than the toxicity of a loveless relationship.
Maybe propose a trial separation? Not to see other ppl, but to really see if you want to be out or if you just need to miss him?
You can’t force love. Just sit down and have an honest conversation with him
I personally think that you only get one life & you should be happy at least 90% of the time. If you aren’t happy then you should’ve continue to be with him but make sure you have tried everything. What I mean by this is that you tried therapy, communicating more, spicing your relationship up. There was something that attracted you to him in the first place. Find out what that is & spark it up again.
Marriages aren’t easy but they are a blessing. Makes sure you talk to him maybe you guys just need some alone time.
First why did u get pregnant with him in the first place?. second u need to go to therapy. third what do u think is out there that he doesn’t give u already. Stop acting like a child u have one already it’s not your happiness that’s important now it’s your child’s. A child needs both parents, suck it up buttercup, and put your big girl panties on
Are you sure that you’re not just content and wanting something new and exciting? As time goes on, things change.
Holy crap you really think you’re god’s gift. You are preventing him from finding someone that will love him the way he deserves to be loved. You’re extremely selfish.
I believe by staying in this relationship, you are holding yourself back from finding true love and you are also holding him back. Maybe therapy might help, but I think eventually it will be better for you all to separate. Unfortunately your child will be affected the most and that, I don’t have the advice for 
I don’t think you’re selfish. If you don’t have it, you don’t have it. But then cut it off before you hurt him any longer. He deserves to find someone who will appreciate everything he is. And doesn’t deserve to think it is something that it is not. Even if you have told him. People still get hope that it’ll change. And you also deserve to find the happiness that you want. You can both be amazing parents. But it was time to tell him yesterday.
You had sex with a friend and you chose to have a baby with your friend. You never saw him as more than that and I think that’s what you have to own up to. Is it shitty ? Completely and you owe this man a huge apology and to let him go find someone who will actually love him. Is it hard to start over? Yes but you can’t hold him back. It seems like You married your rebound because you accidentally got pregnant and thought it was the right thing to do.
I can’t tell by your post how much effort you’ve put into it … like date nights, traveling together, trying new things together, tough conversations…these things can help create a stronger bond. As others have said, love is a choice. But at the same time you deserve to be happy too. My advice is truly give it your all. And if you’ve done that, it’s time to end it. And there won’t be an easy way to do that …
Try therapy to make sure you don’t have an idea that love is all drama and chemistry due to never having a stable love in childhood and so when you do get a stable, healthy relationship it feels foreign (maybe you even tell yourself it’s boring) which feels like a threat because it’s unfamiliar and so you tell yourself whatever you need to to run away from the unfamiliar (“I don’t love him”).
Something like that could come up 
Maybe tell him you just want to be friends, and you each pay half the bills and you live your life and he lives his until you find what your looking for. At least the baby will still have you both in the same house.
I think you do love him but not in the way of connection/ attraction.
The way I see it yes you could stay but that’s not fair on any of you, you will start to resent him because you feel trapped and he will feel it too which will then make him feel he isn’t good enough and needs to try harder. Then the arguments start and if their isn’t one you will find one.
You can both be amazing parents and absolutely be the best of friends and bring up your child, you don’t have to be unhappy or feel guilty about not feeling a certain feeling.
You should be racing to get home to feel happy/content and grounded so dreading walking through that door each day is not going to get any better.
Good luck
Have you tried PTSD acupuncture? If you haven’t been shown true love in the past, maybe you are missing out on something… in the olden days people worked and stuck it out…
Would you stay in the same town that you are in now so dad has joint custody or are you going to give your son up to this fabulous father?
A boy needs to learn how to become a man by a man, the Alfa dominates need to be around or kids run wild 3/4 of the time
I guess you miss the abusive relationship
Why did you marry him
He is your farthest son ? Please don’t tell me he’s your brother 
hoping that was a typo anyway what are u doing , if you wasn’t in line in the first place why would you put yourself in the situation? Forcing a relationship can hurt the kid more in the long run, they will sense your unhappiness for a start, it would have been better for you to have had an arrangement from the beginning to avoid this later on , I’d leave no while the kid is still young
Wow some people really are complete cunts, everyone to their own opinion, but Fooking hell there’s ways to say things and by making someone feel shit about there self to get your opinion across is horrible!!! Nasty bitches 
You can completely love someone without being in love, but you absolutely need to do what’s best for yous both, you both deserve to move on and be happy, speak to him. No harm in co parenting and you could completely smash it and give your little one everything they need, 
xx
Someone is missing their soul mate.
The comments on here berating you are so unnecessary. People forget that other people are human too. Girl, of course separating would be best for you guys, maybe even the best option. Just move at your pace and follow your gut. Much love! All parties involved will be okay!
Staying together will only teach your son an unhealthy view of love, wouldn’t it be best if you allowed both yourself and your husband to move on and find someone you can’t wait to wake up to in the morning? Kids are very intuitive and your son can probably already tell something is off with you, you owe it to him to truly be happy and set a good example on it for HIS future, you and your husband deserve true happiness and a life full of love, let yourselves have it!
Move on to an abusive relationship with someone you love
Rule #1 PRAY TO GOD. Don’t seek the advice of Facebook or any other platform. Especially not for your relationship.
#2 talk to that man. Sounds like you are doing the very thing you’re accusing him of. He may not be too happy with you either, and maybe he’s waiting for you to bring it up. Men aren’t the “baby we need to talk” kind of partner. Do you have women in your life who could possibly guide you?
#3 Let that baby have his daddy. So many children are growing up fatherless. This doesn’t mean you should stay. Only YOU can figure that out!!! But let that baby have his dad. Women can’t teach men how to be strong, yet living, secure men.
I’ll keep you in my prayers.
So you don’t love him and never had but laid down with him, made a baby with him and married him all to not even want to be with him. That’s messed up and the real reason good guys stop being good guys. You should let that eat you up because you and you alone brought this upon yourself. That poor man has no clue you can’t even stand him but Gee you think he’s such a great guy:woman_facepalming:t4: guess some women need the abusive asshole to be happy with and not the guy who wouldn’t raise a finger to them unless to love them. Then you want everyone to be nice to you because you already feel guilty 
no no no you don’t get to do people like that then say but I feel bad and beat myself up so don’t be brutally honest with me because I can’t take it. You just leave that poor man alone so he can find a good woman who will actually love an appreciate him because clearly you don’t! The nerve of women these days my God. That’s as nice as you’re getting from me.
It is difficult to say the feelings that you feel. But in all honesty your holding back, everybody wants to be loved and there is a mutual love and respect but you’re not in love. Your son will be ok it takes time to get used to it but having that mutual respect for each other and learning how to be great coparents. Shame on everyone saying you wanna go to an abusive relationship because he is a great guy. The heart knows what it wants and if that is making a big life change follow it. If it brings pain there is something to be learned and to continue your journey in this life. I’ve been through alot in my life and I understand how you feel. It’s hard but if you can explain in a healthy way and he may be hurt but time heals all wounds. Good luck and follow your heart.
Serious question: what do you think love is or means? Are you chasing after something that doesn’t exist? Ask couples who have been together for YEARS - most will say that they are each other’s best friend. Your comment “I worked my ass off to try and help him become more responsible and get a good head on his shoulders” - maybe you should work that hard to get your own self better.
What are your expectations (real - not from TV or books) of marriage and love?
I wish him the best of luck and love.
Co parenting;exists for a reason. If you;are able&have a nice budget. Move out&get divorced.
You say exactly what you just told us. Make sure that you make it clear you want 50/50 custody. Get your ducks in a row about who keeps the house or moves out. Make sure you can support a child and yourself on your own b4 you bring this up just in case he dips.
Sit down and work things things out whatever that may be. Tell him again how much you love him as your sons father and what a blessing as a friend he is. That you would love to continue coparenting, but as a couple you don’t love him like that. It is ok to be honest.
Talk it out with your husband. Lots of marraiges go thru ups and downs if you dont talk it out you wont know what he is feeling maybe he feels the same as you but doesnt know how to bring it up…
If you have an additional room in your house or if you can share a room with your son do it. Turn you marriage into a coparenting situation that wont be abrupt for your child then slowly you can either work on your marriage or go your separate ways.
The courage that it took to write this to a bunch of strangers, is the courage you need to sit him down and tell him…Noone can show you or tell you. Gotta be from your heart if thats where it is gonna go…much love and luck to you and yours.
I would sit down with him and get more in depth about how you feel. Then once it’s understood by both of y’all and things have settled a bit … come up with a plan. I would gradually start staying somewhere else with your son. Just to start the separation process IF you plan on actually moving on with out your S/O. Make sure the transition is easy for y’all’s son. His the most important person in this. He didn’t ask to be here. I wouldn’t prolong it. He’s at a good age at this point. Making and having a co-parenting plan is very important. But so is making sure you guys split in good terms. Sit down and talk and express your feelings. And see where he’s at in everything. Good luck. It’s not easy especially when there are kids involved.
You should let him go and give him custody. Both him and the kid deserve better