I don’t know if this is really advice or reassurance I am needing.
I’ve been with my S/O a little over 3.5 years. He’s a great guy. We were just friends when I ended up getting pregnant. We was just friends during that time because I had just got out of a very manipulative relationship a few months prior and wasn’t ready. I had plans to move out of town and thought when I got pregnant this was my sign to stay. My child is probably the best thing to ever happen in my life and I’m forever thankful to god that he gave him to me when he did. With that being said, I wanted to give my baby the chance to live in a home with his mother and father. I thought I would learn to love him in a way more then just friends. Because relationships are hard and sometimes you’ve got to fight to love someone…
When I gave birth I realized I did love him a little more because I seen how much love he had for our son. We’ve never really connected on a mental, or spiritual level which has lead to a lot of problems in other areas.
I told him a few months back that I wasn’t in love with him. I love him because he is my fathers son, and he is hands down a phenomenal father. He stepped up and really started helping me around the house and what not, but I think I’ve done talked myself out of it all. I’m not happy, I get no satisfaction in the relationship. He doesn’t communicate with me. It’s always just “ok.” It’s to the point when I’m driving home after picking up my son I’m dreading to go because I’ll have to interact with him and it makes me feel like a horrible person.
How do I go about saying I’m just done? How do I disrupt my 3 year old life when he loves his daddy more than me most days? How do I live with the guilt that he’s not a bad man, a bad father, he doesn’t abuse me, would give the shirt off of his back to a stranger, but I don’t love him? I am having a really hard time with this. I keep telling myself my life isn’t that bad. I worked my ass off to try and help him to become more responsible and get a good head on his shoulders.
Thanks guys, don’t eat me alive. I’m already doing it to myself.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel terrible, but I don't love my husband
Love is a decision and a commitment. You made your decision when you married him. You say hes a good man and father. Must people today are crying out for that. The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the road believe me.
Since you say the son loves him more than you some days… When you leave, do the right thing and leave the son with him… … Men like him are rare, so while you’re gonna be trying to find “the perfect one”, you will have a hard time, no need to drag your son through all of that… You’ve already made your mind up, so any chance of you taking your husband out of the friend zone is nil… Good luck to you
If everyone left because the fell “out of love” nobody would stay married. Relationships are hard and there will chapters of that. Good men/fathers are hard to find. Love is something u build on. It’s not a fuzzy feeling it’s action it’s not leaving when it’s hard it’s being faithful to your vows you made under God and to each other.
Sounds like he has all the right reasons to love him… no guy out there is perfect. Today one feels super in love and 2mrw same person becomes a stranger. This one at least u know a bit so maybe give it some more time ? 
Pray that God will give you a new love for your husband, Get some Christian. Counseling together, attend a good church together if you aren’t already. Praying for you. Many find after leaving that the grass wasnt greener on the other side of the fence.
Love is a decision, not a feeling. Treat him like the treasure he is.
Stick it out. Feelings arent facts. Commit to the best life for your son (which means having 100% access to two parents) and find new ways to connect with this man. Love can grow. But you have to choose to be open to that happening.
You only get one life and I truly believe you need to be happy in that life. If you are really unhappy, it’s not fair to stay in the relationship for you or him. You both deserve to be happy. I’m sure you can make co-parenting work and that your son gets the best of both worlds. Work together as a team and be supportive of one another but remember you deserve to be happy. Good luck.
Be lucky you have a man who loves you and your son the next guy might not be grateful for what you have
Sounds like you were more than friends if you ended up pregnant
You know the answer already. It’s time to move on Self-care is the most important give yourself permission to be happy the rest of your life! it’s 2021 for gods sake…
You have what I always wanted a family, a good man and a child, it just makes me upset
What has changed since you wanted to have your child raised with his mother and father? All marriages have highs and low. It is the commitment that keeps you together. I would give it some time and see how it goes. I am afraid that if you make big changes now, you will regret the decision to leave in time, just like now you regret the decision to marry.
There is nothing Sexier than a nan who is a good daddy and hard worker! Try counseling together
Put your child first. If he’s that good to you then there’s no one better for you n your son. The flame of a new relationship never lasts. Please suck it up and put this great daddy and child first right now. Or put him on Craigslist auction. A lot of women would pay a lot of money for a good husband and daddy
I think for the most part we choose who we love. Tv has been making romance much more like a fairytale but real life just isn’t that. It’s the day to day routine, it working hard in the relationship. Maybe it will never work for u but your next relationship may not either. Marriage is committment and a lot of hard work.
Don’t be childish why rip your sons world apart its not about you anymore its about your sons happiness
You made a commitment, when you married him. He is a good man and father. There is a ton of people would jump for joy if they had that…
It sucks when you realize that someone is the whole package but at the wrong address. If you don’t love him leave period. No reasons in being unhappy that will hurt you and your son in the long run. Everyone deserves happiness. Chances are that he doesn’t love you either from what you described you’re living with a roommate. Good luck
Love is a choice. Love your son’s father. Leaving your son’s father IS going to affect your son more than you know. Being in love and loving someone are two different things. One stands the test of time. The other is fleeting.
It’s really not possible to make good decisions when everything is all about you.
Have you ever considered a marriage counselor? Maybe you both are looking for different things from marriage. A counselor could at least help you figure out what you want out of this marriage. Not everyone gets the fairytale romance. For the sake of the child you should at least try. If it still doesn’t work out, you can leave with a good conscience.
Just because they’re a good person does not mean that you should be in love with them. However, since you have involved a child in this, it would probably be best to just co-parent, and unless it’s something completely essential for you/your son to move far away from that town, I recommend staying so that he can have his dad growing up. You guys can still live together and parent in the same house, but just not in a relationship, and you can do that until you are stable to each move into their own house if you want to.
Let him go so he can find a woman who will love him and appreciate him. This happened to my husband and I was the lucky woman who got him. We have been very happy together and we’re more in love than ever, even after 49 years of marriage. His first wife wanted someone with money, and she married someone with money, but she’s still not happy.
Life is full of phases relationships are the same. Don’t make a decision in this phase that will make you regret it in the next phase… dating is soo hard, especially with kids. I’d look into counseling and discussing ways to open the communication get back to where you were as “friends”… also heads up you don’t sleep with friends (at least I haven’t) he was your lover 
You can live in separate households and lead separate lives while still both parenting your child. You aren’t doing your baby any favors by continuing to make each other miserable.
Real love comes from following God’s word. Love is patient, kind, gentle, etc. To say you are in love with a good man, it makes me think you need to work on yourself.
I would give it more time if you truly care about him like someone else said love can grow if y’all believe prayer works pray lots and believe in each other
Maybe don’t have sex with someone you don’t love🤷… but what"s done it done. Move on
If you are not happy leave if you don’t love him life is to short move on your son will be fine honest I have two sons so happy I divorced when I did my boys figured him out
First thought…….be gentle on yourself. Second , if you both have the will to try , seek out a good Christian marriage counselor. My precious wife and I will pray for you and your family, God Bless:pray:t2:
Do what you need for your sanity. I stayed in a loveless marriage. It became unbearable
First Off, GOD is in All Capital Letters !!! He Is The Creator of The World & Everyone in it.Do You Love GOD??? Do You Trust GOD ??? Do You Love Yourself ??? You Don’t Have To Change Anything !!! You Are Not On A Time Frame Where You Think You Need to Feel a Certain Way. You Have A Kid. A Boy ,Son. He Has Every Right To Know His Father. Another Man You May Get With May Not Want The Responsibility Of Another Man’s Son Under Foot. I Think You Don’t Know What You Want Are What You Should Want. Life Has Away of Working Many Things Out ,No Matter What You Think Or Do.If This Friend - Husband wasn’t the Type You Like You Shouldn’t Have Been Making "LOVE " to Him to Get Pregnant … Never Sleep With Anyone That Doesn’t Move Your Soul !!! Live Your Life,Raise Your Son.Tesch Him Things. Be Kind To Your Friend/ Lover/ Baby Daddy !!! One Day You Maybe Really Wild About Him. You Sound Depressed ,if so ,it’s on You. The Baby Didn’t cause it & neither Did Baby Daddy !!! GOD Can Change Anything In The Blink Of an Eye !!! It’s Not Your Call !!! Get Rest & realize things Look Better & Get Better in the Long Run !!!
Try counseling before you do something drastic. Romantic live will come eventually. Show him respect and let him know that you appreciate him stepping up. You are right a child will benefit from a father and mother. Friendship is more valuable than romantic 
Communicate with him all your feelings. Things change all the time.
To me, marriage is like waves in the ocean. Some times they are high and strong and other times quiet and not so exciting.
Doesn’t sound like he’s very much into making it work either. You deserve happiness and love, mama. And so does he. Part ways and hope to have a great co-parenting relationship your son deserves happy parents!
You are not necessarily going to love someone just because he’s a good father nor are you going to love every nice person you meet. Do all of you a favor and leave him while you still have friendship and respect. You and he deserve a life full of love and this will flow off onto your child.Eventually you will grow bitter. Do it now.
kids are resilient and will be fine as long as parents are happy and loving. Better to do it now while they are still so young and can get use to new routines.
Just pray about this god has the answer. U may think u love this other guy. The grass is not greener. On the other side. Just keep praying. It will work out. Put god first
Leave him give him a chance to find somebody good cause you’re not.
You do not deserve him or your child and the love they give you. Divorce him and let him have the child that loves him more than you do, because you seem to see your child as a burden that made you marry a man you dont love. Your man deserves a better woman and your child deserves a loving parent.
Leave him so he can find someone that will appreciate him. You need to grow up. Why do you need direction in your life? No one can give you answers you seek. You have to make those decisions. Stop being selfish and let the man go have a life.
I don’t believe in staying in a relationship for your child if ur not happy. If your not happy then leaving is whats best not only for you but for your child too. Eventually your son will start seeing that your not happy and he won’t be happy that your not happy. So I say move on while he’s still young he will adjust to the life of his parents not being together, some people just aren’t ment to be.
I didn’t want to leave a marriage but I had to he was a real bad drunk he was a good worker but not a good husband but stayed 18 yrs thought things would change. My 2 kids are grown now and I marred a real fine man been with him 25 yrs.
I believe you may be going through depression and/or grief from things in the past. Get yourself some Counselling- and if the first person you talk to doesn’t seem to be right see someone else!!
Get couples counseling
My thoughts are I wonder if you truly know what love is. I wonder the same thing about myself. It appears that you were in a very bad relationship prior to this marriage. I understand not communicating well with your spouse. It’s exhausting! I think counseling is a great idea before you do something you may regret later. Friendship is a great foundation. A man that loves you and your son is a true blessing.
You choose who you love. It’s work it’s commitment. Your son deserves both parents together. Choose to love him again. Marriage is hard but he sounds like a good man.
You are still young. Both of you have a life ahead of you that should e a happy one. Not good for your child. Get out now if you are really not in love with him.not fair to either of you. He’ll be deeply hurt, but rebound marriages rarely last! You made a mistake, fix it before others are made.
You both deserve to be happy. Hopefully stay friends and be good to your son
Do not leave your husband. You have a good man. He loves you and your son. You loved him enough to have his child. You will end up alone with your child. Love is a strange feeling … it comes, it goes … don’t ruin your life and the lives of your husband and his child. Hang in there … you will end up adoring your husband when all is said and done. Be patient… it will all turn out great in the end. I promise! Start having date nights … go out on Saturday evenings or prepare a romantic dinner … flirt with him … do fun things … you guys will be fine!
If you bring yr son, you are going to break his heart n your son heart. He maybe not perfect man to get yr love, but live doesn’t always so perfect, when you loves other man that man may not love you. You can try to search yr own happiness if you yearn for that, but leave them both at least they have each other…
If you’re unhappy now you were before… How unfair for your child and your husband,…“oh wait I just just care anymore” are you fucking kidding me, I would give everything for one more minute with my daughter’s father and you are asking how to make yourself feel good not caring 
Do the right thing. Get out of his life…if he is a “good guy” as you say….he deserves so much better than you. Don’t applaud yourself for staying in a loveless relationship…:sounds like you are just looking for an excuse to behave badly.
I have always read it is better for a child to be a child of divorce than with two people that don’t like or love each other. Children grow up and become adults and they will understand. If you have a hole in your heart, you are the only person that can understand what that means. You don’t have to explain it to anyone. Go with your
I married my first husband because I was pregnant, I knew I didn’t love him but thought maybe I would at some point. It doesn’t work. I was miserable with him so I eventually left. It was the best thing I ever did. Do him a favour and end it, let him find a woman that’ll love him completely. You can both be good parents to your child even when you’re divorced.
Love is a choice, choose to love him, I’m sure you love him as a friend, now choose to love him as your partner and the rest will fall into place.
From experience I’d rather have 2 happy parents than have there be angst or unhappiness for either. You deserve to do what’s right for you. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child. It’s OK to want to have something more for yourself. Don’t wait till you’re older as it may not be easy to do then.
Your post is very perplexing to me. On one hand you say he’s a great father and help you around the house but in ending you say you worked your ass off to help him be more responsible?
Secondly, you say you told him you don’t love him but complain he is not communicating well.
If someone told me they didn’t love me I think I’d be quieter too. You sound immature to me. Why should he be the only one putting himself on the line?
My final thought? You need to grow up and recognize and work on your own flaws instead of trying to mould him into someone he isn’t.
Is there any problem with you both raising your son together just not as a couple? You can’t force yourself to love someone,it’s not a fault of anyone that’s life and you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Remember you got out of an abusive relationship that’s a big deal and can sometimes completely turn you off the thought of any relationship with anyone.
I was in the same exact situation. Children are resilient and bounce back easier. It’s not the child fault your not in love with his father, it’s not going to work, they can pick up when your not happy and they learn by example plus it not good for you. You deserve being happy so as long as the child is taken care of and still has two loving parents. You got to do you too.
Love IS a choice you make everyday. I would think hard about it before telling him you don’t love him. I also agree with Susan about leaving your son with his dad.
There are a lot of men out there who won’t take care of their own children much less yours. Even if you don’t love your childs father think of the trauma it will cause your son. Should he have to pay because you and his father chose to be friends with benefits. Think about it.
Love is a choice. He sounds like a good choice. I would personally sacrifice for my child. ( I have) My child’s happiness makes me happy.
You won the lottery, but just don’t know it. God can give you a love for your husband. It’s sad he knows you don’t love him. Keep your family together. Do things for your husband to show care. Love can follow.
Birth control would have solved the problem! You only have 15 yrs until he is an adult. I think people give up way to soon on their relationships. do everything possible to save your marriage.
I have one life to live then it’s over uI respect I for being very honest n he should too! U were put together at a time when u both needed each other! U both have mutual respect for each other n kids are very very resilient n u can still have in ur sons life! Go n live ur life! Just take it slow this time! Learn from ur mistakes be cautious n I truly hope u find true love n most of all PRAY ! God will help u!
I don’t want you to feel ripped to shreds. A lot of people on here show no mercy when they hear someone talk about the man of their dreams type person being shoved off because they wish they had that and they don’t. That being said. Some people, make good points. Some said it nicer than others. Hopefully you can sift through these answers to find mine. You have choices and you have options. You can leave or even separate temporarily to figure yourself out if you need to but think about any repercussions if you make a snap decision and it hurts you later. You can also, seek therapy couples or individually find out the root of the problem. And finally you can give him time and guidance so he knows what it is that you need from him. Take vacations for yourself and maybe some time away will show you what you need. Give you a break. Etc. perhaps you’re touched out? I hope you can come to decision that makes you happy because a happy mom is really what every child needs and deserves.
Everyone thinks the grass is greener on the other side but you dont love him let him go so he can fine someone that appreciation him and he can can have a life with someone that loves him to and if the baby is better off with him let him stay are take him with you make the best choice for your son
At least you are honest with him maybe he understands maybe not but if your not in love with him your not period maybe you guys can live close enough to were both of you can be in your sons life at all times maybe that will help who knows but you both deserve happiness in life
If it’s you that’s unhappy you need to go and find what your looking for. No need to take your son on your soul seeking mission. His father sounds capable of raising him. Stay close by for your weekend visitations.
Wow I wish women would take advantage of birth control sorry I don’t mean to be rude but a child is a lifetime commitment for both parents
He sounds like an understanding man. That being said, maybe you could talk to him expressing how you feel and before you close the door on him, remember, you chose to marry him and work on loving him. Well, did you ‘work’ on it? You should go back to basics. Date, yes go on dates have him woo you and you woo him. Put some romance back in the relationship. And if after some time you still feel like you want to leave, after you exhausted all that you could do to make it ‘work’, then have the hard conversation about where you’re at in the relationship.
Marriage is about commitment, you shouldn’t jump in and out of it like changing underwear. I’m not saying you should stay if you’re not happy, just that just like you shouldn’t be do quick to ‘get married’, you shouldn’t be so quick to ‘get divorce’. Also, both could be very expensive. Good luck to you. I hope you find your happiness however this turns out for you.
First of all its not his job to make you happy or you him thats you to do its time to work on you gets some counceling and everything else will fall into place be honest alway as youll never change someone or yourself until you realize you can only change you then happiness will come self talks can do more harm than good say positive things to yourself and watch your self change
Gets some therapy if you haven’t already. Previous toxic relationships will creep into all future relationships without you even knowing it. You have to heal before your current or future relationships will ever have a chance of survival.
This is just very sad 
I just hope when you leave him you don’t regret it down the road. If he and he will meet someone else ask yourself how that makes you feel… praying for you.
The key to any relationship is communication. Whether it’s a romantic relationship or a friendship. It sounds like you may need a couples counselor. That way, you both can get out the things you aren’t able to say. And to work out some way to be a good mother and father. It is possible to separate, be friends, or atleast friendly. You can’t stay with someone only because you have a child. I wish the best for you both.
Definitely pack up your bags and leave as soon as possible… leave your son with the man that loves him and it’s a great father. Your husband deserves better and hopefully he will find it…
In this situation you have to be cruel to be kind and be honest with him. Your son isn’t property he is a human being he is both of your son, so nobody “leaves” him or “gets” him, you work out a suitable Co parenting arrangement where your son feels super safe and loved and experiences as little confusion as possible. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re in the situation now just make it as bearable for everyone as possible. You aren’t the first or the last for this to happen to. Good luck to you all.
Maybe going to some counseling will help you sort out your feelings and be confident on your decision. Whether you are together or separate you can still co Parent.
Im going to turn this around on you. In 20 years time, your son says the exact thing you said in your post. What do you say?
I think the problem with u is that ur focus is fixed on accepting and forcing urself if u love him or not. Love is not just a word to say… its in actions and its a feeling. If u respect that person, u appreciate him in wat he does, u like the way he takes care of his son, if u r sure he will stand by you in every situation etc etc… then u trust him… and this feeling is love only.
And remember there is no need to tell him "i dont love you’ coz it is gng to hurt him. If u r staying as husband wife then just go with theflow… enjoy ur life and stop making assessment of the word love u or dnt love u.
Dont keep on grudging over the fact that u married him coz u got pregnant.
Eventually u ll be happy and will also be able to have a love feeling for him.
There is no better husband than the one who is your best friend.
Hugs. I totally get it. I hope you make the right choice for you, your kiddo and his dad. You can co-parent and not be together as a couple. Happy parents, happy kids even if the parents are happier apart.
Do the Man and Boy a favor and just leave…let him find a good Woman that can be a good Mom to his Son…youre obviously self centered…probably was an only Child and very Narcissistical…when a Child comes in the picture its not about YOU anymore…need to be more grateful
Does anyone understand you can co-parent, and not be in a relationship. She already made it clear to him that she doesn’t love him. They were friends and then tried the relationship thing. They already don’t click any other way, so I dont understand how hard it is to be like…“I think its best if we were just friends, and co-parented.” It doesn’t seem like there would be an issue on his part. I say that only because she didn’t tell us his reaction, to her not loving him. Be friends, co parent, and things will be okay. For you, your son, and for his sake. So he’s not holding on to something that’s not there. Its only going to make things worse if you stay in a relationship.
Are you being selfish ? Most women would love to have a truely good man in their lives
If U are not happy go…
But leave your son with his father that will always give him 100%
I will just say this…
Love is a choice…
everyday. It’s not just a feeling. That will come as you continue to choose love.
I hope you can find some happiness and peace.
The grass is greener where you water it!
Pray for guidance as you’ll be deciding not just for yourself but for your child as well. Communicate with your husband and be the one to initiate it, some men are just clueless and insensitive but it seems like he’s a good man and hard to find nowadays. But maybe he deserves someone who loves and appreciate him and that’s not you. Just ask God’s wisdom first or do counselling because regret is such a bitter feeling and you might end up with a manipulative relationship which you’ve had before him and maybe you like it more?
If you’re not happy then you should leave and take some time to find yourself, life is way too short to be unhappy. It will be better for all involved, son included, if you part ways and find common ground in coparenting. As for the others that are giving the advice that you choose to love, I agree, but you first have to actually have been in love with said person. Which apparently is not the case in your situation. I wish you all the best!
If you or he left you would realise just how much you do love him
I think because he’s so good you have nothing to fight for and I don’t mean hitting
Just imagine being in a bad relationship and then think about where you are
I know a guy,his wife he never wanted to get married when he did. They just met when they were serving,has a fling,she got pregnant. He asked he to about the baby but she never did. She showed up at his place in another state where he was residing n his mum forced him to marry he. He said he might grow to love her. Now that baby girl is 21 now in the university n her parents r happily married with 3 additional kids. God is great. He is thankful to God that she was stubborn not to do that abortion he wanted. Now she is d best thing that ever happened to him. With God all things are possible. Good peope r difficult to find. Take it to God in prayer n He will help. God bless her.
I know so many people who thought they needed more and just wanted more. They wound up realizing and losing the best…person… that ever happened to be put in their life.
You have to do best for you and your son. You can start again. But let his son have regular contact.
Give couples therapy a try. If your not going already, look for a church together. Help you appreciate a blessed family life.
It’s time to move on. You’re not being fair to your husband or yourself. You can give him liberal visitation. It’s too bad you got married to begin with. Being married didn’t solve your problem. Getting married to someone you don’t love caused an even bigger problem. I’m sorry for your tragic situation.
Just be honest with him is the best thing. Because if you keep trying an he thinks it might work out and is happy an loves you it will only hurt him that much more when you do say your done. I just went threw this an had the hopes of it working out because i loved her to death an wanted my daughter to grow up with both parents unlike i did. It killed me finding out that she no longer loved me an had not been in love with me for months while i was in love with no clue she had given up but didn’t want to admit it . My vows meant everything an i would have fought threw any problem just to be with her but it wasn’t the same for her an it hurt like hell when i found out an she walked away. I still am having a rough time knowing i have to find a way to stop loving her when i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her making her happy while getting to raise my daughter with the love of my life. So please just be honest an be done, do not drag it out an make him think there is a chance because i can tell you from experience that it hurts like hell getting blind sided an finding out that the love i have for her wasn’t the same as the love she had for me. I wish everyday i would have just known an been able to get over it instead of thinking there was a chance she would love me or try to give me the opportunity to have her fall back in love with me but i wasn’t lucky enough to get that chance because she just walked away like i never truly meant anything to her. I love her so much i could never just walk away because i vowed to love her threw good an bad an that i would have tried until my last breath or till death do us part. One of the worst feelings in the world is having to let go of the love of your life an someone that meant an you loved more than anyone you had ever been it.
you want romantic love as in the movies? I think you need to get real. What is not to love in your husband if he is a good father and takes care of your and his needs? What is not to love if he is ok with whatever you want to do? He married you and is there for you what is not to love? No chemistry? Nothing in common? Love is different from Lust. Love is a matter of heart. It begins in our own heart. If it is not in your heart for the man who married you and is a good dad and husband you are the problem not him. Nobody can give you a loving heart but yes you may find chemistry with someone to match yours for a time. Dont exchange gold for glitter I suggest.