I’ve recently transferred to a new department in my job. One of my coworkers is very flirty and often teases/jokes around and is overly-affectionate (never physically, only compliments and things like that). I have a boyfriend, and we have been in a committed relationship for a little over three years. We have a beautiful five-month-old daughter, and I love him with my whole heart. My issue is that I don’t feel uncomfortable with this coworker. He is relatively attractive and very kind. I would never entertain anything with him, and he has never made any physical advances. We don’t even have each other’s numbers or social media; it’s just nice to know that others still find me attractive. It’s nice to know I am still desirable to others beyond my boyfriend. I would never even dream of leaving him or cheating on him – he is too good to me – I just feel guilty for enjoying this attention. Have any of you ever experienced something like this? Should I feel guilty for not being uncomfortable with this behavior? Should I tell my boyfriend about this or keep it to myself?
Be a bitch… simple.
Your question is that you feel uncomfortable and than your last question says your not uncomfortable
I’m so confused? First says, I’m uncomfortable… then later says you enjoy it and feel guilty???
Just keep it to yourself and enjoy the attention! Nothing wrong with it as long as there’s no Ill intentions or hidden agendas.
Yes tell him. You’re completely abnormal and should feel very guilty.
Sounds like you are ACTIVELY thinking about cheating on your partner for this coworker. But nice try lying hope your boyfriend leaves your nasty ass
I’m confused. Are you uncomfortable or you like the attention?
You should be uncomfortable with yourself for feeling this way if you love him so much you would enjoy the attention.
Would you want your boyfriend to entertain it or tell you if he was in the same situation?
You gotta find out where your line is drawn.
Stop, unless you plan on telling your boyfriend. Anything you have to hide from him is a form a cheating. He deserves better
I think you should ask yourself how you would feel if your boyfriend wrote this about his coworker and move forward accordingly.
Sorry but this is always the first step in pre cheating. You find him attractive and like the attention what u gonna do if he actually makes it physical are you gonna just let him?
If the shoe was on the other foot, what would you want you boyfriend to do out of respect to your relationship??
After a while in a relationship we tend to take the other person for granted. We stop complimenting each other. It isn’t wrong to feel flattered by your co-workers comments. I would suggest sitting down and having a chat about it to your boyfriend/partner tho. Even if you just say what you have said in the original post.
You’re saying you would never cheat but honestly you already are. You don’t have to have sex to cheat. 🤷
So your uncomfortable about not feeling uncomfortable about his attention towards you?
Does your coworker know you have a boyfriend? Does he know that he has no chance what so ever? How would you feel if your man allowed another women to flirt and enjoyed the attention and didn’t tell her to stop? A committed relationship means you do not allow others to flirt so it doesn’t seem like you’re in one at all. Also you said at the start that you’re uncomfortable but then said you like it? For someone who loves their man you don’t really respect him much if you allow another man to flirt all the time. Even if it isn’t physical means nothing. If he did it once not knowing you were in a relationship and you liked it but told him it wasn’t appropriate them that’s fine. Allowing it to continue is not, it makes you sound like a bit of an attention whore, mind my language. Tell your coworker to stop unless you’re ok with your man getting this attention from another women who is attractive
Take the compliment and move on
Just because he’s being polite doesn’t mean he wants to bang your over the desk!
Well if you are entertaining the flirtations I personally feel that you’ve already overstepped a boundary. If it were MY relationship I’d be very upset by this. I guess it depends on your situation with your bf, but I think you’re asking for trouble. I wouldn’t say you should feel guilty but you shouldn’t allow this behavior even though you like it. But that is just my opinion based on my relationship
Tell him. If you trust each other and love each other there should be no issue. My husband knows there’s innocent flirtation with others at work. I know that he innocently flirts at work. There’s never anything physical on either end and it’s all in good fun. Everyone on both sides know we are happily married.
If you feel like you need to hide it, or you are afraid to tell him, then there’s probably more to the story…
Would you be ok with it if it was reversed?
Obviously you like the attention so you must not be entirely happy with your relationship
Just tell your coworker to not flirt with you simple. N then tell your bf about it.
Just report it to your boss, tell them he’s overstepping boundaries and making you uncomfortable. They’ll talk to him and hopefully he’ll back off. A married guy at my new job asked for my fb and I told him straight up no because he’s married and I don’t know him that well and I don’t need drama
Be careful! That’s how affairs start. You might want to keep your distance just to be on the safe side.
If situation was reversed, what would you like to happen.
I tell my old man everything why hide it or lie. Every person feels good about compliments but if it’s over stepping then put your foot down.
If you feel the need to keep it a secret/ hide it than you shouldn’t be doing it! Period. Don’t be trash
Those feelings are natural. Dont tell him
Think you’re a dick tbh if you loved and cared about your boyfriend you’d be like listen mate fuck off I’m happy with my boyfriend (obvs put it a bit nicer but basically along those lines ) you enjoy the attention you’re defiantly entertaining it because you haven’t told him to stop you can’t moan and say you feel uncomfortable when you’re allowing this to happen I have a girl like you exactly where I work and she is the same kept entertaining this lad and when he asked to take her out and basically kiss her she ran to hr even though she instigated it think of your family and your boyfriend but most importantly be honest and speak to him he’d rather be hurt now than in the long run
Well. It seems dishonest from my view… What do u have to hide if theres nothing to hide!
Calm down. You’re not cheating and the people who say you are are full of shit. I bet they would enjoy the attention too if they were in your shoes.
I bet You would feel alot different if your man was the one writing this in
No need to feel bad it’s a human reaction to attention just don’t act on it beyond your morals
DO NOT TELL HIM… it will bring problems
So… Are you uncomfortable or are you guilty because you’re NOT uncomfortable? Make up your mind.
This is a bit misleading at first you say you feel uncomfortable then state later you “don’t feel uncomfortable around this co-worker” but either way you do find him nice and attractive and he is turns makes you feel nice and attractive which is understandable with just having a baby - and just maybe you aren’t getting that kind of attention from the one at home as much as you would like. Even though you say it would never develop into anything physical it sounds like mentally you have fathomed the idea. Maybe you do need to discuss it with your SO and if he truly loves you he will say to that it’s good to know that others know how lucky he is to have such a beautiful woman and will leave it at that and not got all jealous outrage over it - but in turn you might want to stop your part in the flirtation department before you give this co-worker the wrong signals…not bashing you by any means just how I took what you wrote.
How does it make you uncomfortable if you’re enjoying it? And there’s no judgement here, but if you are enjoying the attention, it sounds like you need to have a conversation with your boyfriend. A compliment is one thing but if it happens on a regular basis and you’re enjoying it… Maybe you’re not getting what you want at home? Be honest with him and if you want to keep your relationship I’d suggest figuring out the root of why you need extra attention (whenever it’s something your so is/isn’t doing or if it’s something on your end).
It’s not necessary to tell your boyfriend, feeling flattered feelings attractive from someone else is innocent, you’re only human, you know your limitations and what is right and wrong.
You have no emotional feelings to this guy, you’re only human, but I would be careful in the regard that yes it’s innocent to you but you dont want to give this man any reason to think you’re interested
If you are concerned enough about this relationship with your coworker, that you’re posting this asking for help, I would tell your boyfriend about it too. You can’t help it if someone flirts with you or pays you attention. But if I were in your shoes, I would definitely tell my husband.
I probably have a different opinion on this topic, I’m also probably a lot older with a little more life experience so I have a different perspective. There is nothing wrong with finding someone else attractive and even enjoying that they find you attractive. It doesnt mean you aren’t happy or don’t love your husband. I’m sure your husband finds other women attractive all the time. If you treat it like a big shameful secret that is where the trouble starts. It is human nature to enjoy outside validation. The red flag for me here is that you are ashamed and worried about it, not that you enjoy it. If it was harmful flirting and simply an enjoyment that someone finds you attractive I don’t think you would feel this way.
You can ask him to stop. He just may be a flirty person? My dad was like that. First ask him to stop, if it continues I would consider telling your boss and go from there as it is a form of harrassment. 8 wouldn’t worry your bf unless it doesn’t stop when you ask and have to press harrassment charges.
Like others have said I feel like you’re liking it more than you are uncomfortable which means you should definitely tell your man, maybe there’s a reason at home why you’re ok with another mans attention.
‘Work boyfriend’ lol
If you’re getting something from this man that your partner isn’t giving you maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship and if your needs are being met.
I feel like there is a bit missing…but either way…what would you want your boyfriend to do if he was in this situation?
Flirting is healthy!!! As long as you do not cross a line and make it known that you won’t. There is nothing wrong with a little attention
Keep It To Yourself!! If he’s nothing but an overly nice friend then let it be. Your boyfriend doesn’t need to feel uneasy over nothing.
So u feel uncomfortable but you dont feel uncomfortable? Girl please ! Tell him to cut it out how would you like a woman to be digging on your man like that and him never tell you or tell her to knock it off…
I would ask him nicely to stop but you also stated the you enjoy. I honestly think its more then what your saying. I think you are confused actually because you like him.
You’re playing with fire
Just shush. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill
Don’t Ask him, Tell him if it’s necessary. You have a family now. Keep it platonic if you want to Keep a Healthy relationship with your loved ones.
I would tell my S/O. And you need to set boundaries with your coworker. It might be "innocent " now, but he could get the idea that since you don’t mind it he can do more. And then you might be in a sticky situation. Also if it was the other way around, meaning if your S/O had a coworker doing this with him. How would you feel? Would you want him to tell you?
Just some things to think about.
sounds like you find this person attractive and them being nice to you, you think they’re flirting but they haven’t made any moves nor have each other on social media. Take it as it is, he is nice and that’s it.
This is really quite simple. Either you have feelings for the guy or you don’t. REMOVE yourself and/or put distance between y’all. Problem solved.
You need to make up your mind! Can’t have it both ways! You either enjoy your work friendship or you don’t. I wouldn’t make a big deal about it, unless you are really interested and enjoying the attention.
Wait are you uncomfortable or not? First you say you are then you say should you feel guilty for not feeling uncomfortable… which is it!?
If you think of your bf being in your shoes what would your answer be as the significant other? Thats your answer.
Would you want him to tell you? Are you jealous? Do you feel like he should tell the coworker to knock it off? Do you trust him enough that it would always just be flirting and attention from the opposite sex?
If i thought of my husband in that situation i would be ok with it to a degree. So id like him to tell me and tell me if it goes any further.
Key words: “enjoying this attention”. If it were in reverse how would you feel? Don’t be coy. The only reason you’re asking is because your conscience is kicking you.
Would you like if your boyfriend entertained a new girl smiling in his face at work? If you really are not interested in him this would’ve never even been a question. My opinion is keep it light with conversation & stay out his face.
R u flirting back or u wouldn’t feel guilty
U said u felt uncomfortable and then a paragraph later said u don’t
It’s perfectly natural to be attracted to other people and for them to compliment you. It’s not ok if you don’t set boundaries or entertain your coworker because it can get very messy. Ever heard the expression “Don’t s**t where you eat?” Trust me, it’s very true.
If u r ok with the flirting & such…u r already ENTERTAINING cheating on ur boyfriend
My first question is whether or not this coworker acts like this exclusively with you or if he’s just a very extroverted and interactive guy. If he’s very engaging with all coworkers or all females, I doubt there’s reason to feel guilty about it. Some people are just that way, even if they aren’t actually flirting.
Virtually every job I’ve had that contained a decent mixture of men and women, I’ve been labeled with “work wife.” this is a female coworker who I typically chat with often and have a very relaxed friendship with. Very rarely is there an actual physical attraction in this friendship in either direction, but when there is, I’m usually open/welcoming about it and, if appropriate, place obvious limitations to the friendship. There’s nothing wrong with being wanted. Like you said, it feels good to know people enjoy looking at you. But is that the primary thought when you’re chatting with this coworker? If so, you might be allowing yourself to get drunk on that feeling. THAT is when people get in trouble, even if they’re adamant that they will never cheat.
Take it from a husband who almost never got married because he was drunk on attention from other women. Place your restrictions far BEFORE you reach that “line that shouldn’t be crossed,” NOT right next to it.
If it was your bloke what would you do??
You should have warn him not to talk to you in anyway thats not comfortable for you.And than you are very comfortable with him you already knows where you’re heading.
Ask yourself this…how would I feel if my boyfriend/ husband was allowing someone to flirt with him all day at work?
Shush don’t say a word to your bf…
Girl you are a woman of course we’ve all experienced this. We all too enjot the attention.
Worked with men all my life, take it with the grain of salt. Accept the compliment and continue on. Feel good you got a compliment. Not a big deal. Put pictures up of boyfriend and daughter on your desk. Talk about both, put a ring on your ring finger if it is an issue tell co-worker it is from the love of your life. Mine got compliments all the time. He passed after 23 years. No need to feel guilty.
L O L
Sometimes we take things a little too far. If you feel guilty, tell the guy it makes you feel uncomfortable.
By the time you are 50, you’re going to regret all the harmless fun you didn’t get yourself have.
She would totally hit it if he came onto her lol
I wouldn’t tell your boyfriend, but I would ask the employee to stop if it’s only you he’s being specially nice to and not his personality towards everyone.
Reading these comments and thinking damn these people are hypocrites. If this was a man typing this he’d be a asshole piece of shit cheater. No it’s a woman so it’s ok
It really depends on your relationship as far as whether or not you should tell your boyfriend. But I don’t think you should ever let anyone tell you that you can’t enjoy uninvited attention from other men just because you’re in a relationship. You are no one’s property. You are not covered from head to toe. You are not branded. So enjoying things, foisted on to you, that make you feel better about yourself is neither unfaithful nor disrespectful. Flirting back might be unless you and your boyfriend have discussed it and decided that’s ok. You’ve only been together 3 years so I’m betting neither of you are secure enough in this to allow the other to go there, but if you last long enough, there comes a point where it’s like, “do what you want because neither of us can afford a divorce.” oh, is that just my life? lol. Whatever. My husband is my best friend and if he needs outside input to feel good about himself (and we all do sometimes, because it means more coming from someone who isn’t obligated to us in any way) that’s fine with me. And he wouldn’t deny me that feeling either. In fact, we might use that… you know… later. But we worked hard for this relationship, and it’s been 13 years. Regardless, if you’re not encouraging this person, and it makes you feel good, you have nothing to feel guilty for. If your boyfriend won’t understand that, then fuck 'em. Don’t tell him. It will just cause drama where there’s no need for drama. If you think he will understand that you’re not flirting back, and that allowing this coworker to behave this way makes you feel nice, then perhaps he will be selfless and secure enough to shrug it off. Men rarely are either of those, though. Would you be?
You’re uncomfortable because you enjoy the attention I would definitely put a stop to it before you cheat on your boyfriend
First you say ur uncomfortable and then you say you aren’t? I’m not sure exactly what is going on but this isn’t the entire story
Ive been in your shoes…be careful…one thing leads to another
- No, its not wrong to feel the way that you do so long as you don’t act upon it. 2. I wouldn’t suggest telling your BF because what is the point?
I would not make a problem out of something that’s currently not a problem. I’m sure he gets flirted on or he flirts without your knowledge as long as it never crosses any lines it’s just fun to feel special.
So you are comfortable or you are not comfortable? You said both.
I would just tell him that you want to remain friends with him but you have a live in boyfriend and a five month. Old daughter with him, then I would tell the boyfriend what has been said.
Flirting will become more over time. Just ask yourself, would you be mad if your boyfriend was flirting with a girl at his job and didn’t tell you. How would you feel?
Just don’t let it go any further than friends and keep your mouth shut.
Just be careful its a slippery slope!
I would say you have too much free time at work
Harrassment. Dont put up with it.
If this person is making you uncomfortable then say something to them. There’s no reason to work everyday in discomfort, this person might not even realise they’re making you uncomfortable.
I get a lot of attention and I used to feel flattered too. Now I don’t ever entertain it. Things can be misunderstood way to easily
“Don’t do anything behind your spouses back that you wouldn’t do in front of their face” Best relationship advice I’ve ever been given. Would you act this way with this man or let this man act this way with you in front of your boyfriend? Probably not. So don’t do it behind his back.
Like I commented on with the other page that posted your question…
If you tell your boyfriend about it, are you gonna tell him you find this co worker attractive too? Or leave that out to make it look better for you? You’re allowing it and it’s disrespectful.
I say it’s completely fine that women like feeling desirable, men can too. What is important is setting boundaries, not flirting back, the friendly teases are different but at some point you have to tell the person to stop doing or saying certain things. Compliments are fine, as long as you still respect your relationship with your partner, and also ask yourself, if a woman was throwing herself that way towards your man and he didn’t do anything to try and stop it, how would that make you feel? Like I said, boundaries.
Hmmmm i personally dont see an issue with this but would you have an issue if your boyfriend was doing this at his work? If yes then yeah you should feel guilty, if no continue doing what your doing.
When working we should all behave in a professional manner. If you allow a co-worker to flirt without calling him on it you are participating in the unprofessional behavior. Just say something like - I am sure you are just being friendly but your comments could easily be misconstrued as flirting and I value our professional relationship. I would appreciate it if you would be more mindful in how you speak to me. Lets keep it freindly and professional.
If u are uncomfortable talk with this person and tell him to his face no it in the bud it doesnt mean u vant work together but his over actions makes u uncomfortable
It’s just flirting…
1st you said he makes you uncomfortable and then you asked if you should feel guilty for liking it and NOT being uncomfortable…
Letting someone flirt isnt okay in my book. I wouldnt want my husband to be letting some bitch at work be all flirty and ahit all the time so I wouldnt let someone do that with me either. It may not seem like a “big deal” but it kinda is…