and it’s nothing new, he’s never been helpful… but lately it’s just on another level and I’m so tired of it.
Even after all of this tension he still wants to have sex. Of course I don’t want to because he’s an ass. He doesn’t deserve it. I don’t want him touching me or looking at me naked, let alone having sex…
Well last night was a rough one. We talked for about 2 hours on what was bothering me and what was bothering him. We really didn’t make much progress but he still decided to ask for sex… I of course said I’m not in the head space for that nor do you deserve it… (it was 11:30pm after a long day) and he literally said I’m not letting you sleep until I deserve it. He sat next to me complaining for another hour until I finally just bent over and let him.
I feel violated, disrespected, and depressed. I don’t know what to do… there’s so much more that I can’t quite add in this post but I’m so lost. I don’t really like the idea of divorce, and have offered therapy but he refused… any advise is welcome but please be nice
You have 2 choices.
1 accept who he is and learn to cope with him. Sometimes going to counseling for just yourself,
will help you.
2. Leave him.
You can’t change him into what you want him to be. So you accept who he is, or you move on. He can change… don’t get me wrong. But people only change for themselves. People only change when they recognize it will be better for them and move them towards who and where they want to be.
But nobody changes because someone else wants them to.
Good luck in what you decide. I really hope you find what is right for you
You are not an object, you need to leave. I’m sorry you are going through this.
A husband can still rape his wife. Anyone can tell you to leave but you won’t make that choice until YOU decide to do so.
That’s rape. Coercion is not consent. Leave, immediately. There is no getting better for this relationship. Seek out help, it’s out there 
No no no to all of this. You are not a sleeve for him to m*sterbate with! I would absolutely be asking him to stay somewhere else (even if just temporarily if you can find a way to work through it) at least since he violated you in no way a husband ever should. He needs to know there are consequences and that he needs to be held accountable
its rape have him charged then he will know u mean business
That’s rape. What you just described is rape. Leave girl before next time your physically forced and not just coerced
You know what the answer is
If he won’t consider counseling, find one for you. Do whatever exercises the therapist wants you to do-have a specific conversation, make a list of pros and cons. Whatever it is, try to do it. Once you feel you are on middle ground within yourself then you have to ask yourself what do I need in this marriage, what do I deserve and what would I like. Then you need to get a job, even part time, and stash money away in a savings account in your name only. Go to your local Legal Aide in your city/town and get your questions truthfully answered. You definitely deserve better!
Leave .or next time hold your ground and don’t give it up and if he gets irrational then leave .either way the answer is pretty much pack your shit and go or continue to be with the bullshit.
You have 2 choices.
1 accept who he is and learn to cope with him. Sometimes going to counseling for just yourself,
will help you.
2. Leave him.
You can’t change him into what you want him to be. So you accept who he is, or you move on. He can change… don’t get me wrong. But people only change for themselves. People only change when they recognize it will be better for them and move them towards who and where they want to be.
But nobody changes because someone else wants them to.
Good luck in what you decide. I really hope you find what is right for you.
Leave. See if he will go to therapy or counseling but if not it shows how much he doesn’t care about the relationship. But leave and stay gone until things change.
Leave, hon. That was sexul assault. Consent under duress is not consent. He doesn’t love or respect you. You deserve better.
First Off… I am so sorry you are in this situation.
If Divorce isn’t what you want maybe ask him to leave ? Get some space, Take care of YOU and see if having that safe space to feel your feelings with out him there helps you feel better and hopefully at the same time gets him to realize how serious this is and starts making some serious changes to save the marriage.
But all in all you may get the space and realize being alone is better then being treated the way you have been… It Honestly is but no one can make that choice but you. Good luck!
Marriage isn’t consent. Convincing you isn’t consent. Giving in isn’t consent. You need to leave before it gets worse.
He’s never going to change , so you have to ask yourself if that’s how you want to live the rest of your life ,
Divorce. What he did was coercive rape. Welcome to his new level.
Next step could be rape and physical abuse. You need to leave ASAP!
So he doesnt want therapy. But you dont want a divorce. BUT… you really dont want to continue the relationship because it’s not getting better???
Narcissistic evil vile male… despicable behaviour… no respect for u what so ever …
Would you let your daughter be treated like this?
Would you be happy knowing your son treated women like this?
If you want better for them, show them it’s not acceptable. You are strong, you can do it alone, yes it’s hard, yes some days I feel exhausted and lonely. But my child is loved and learning and happy. You deserve to be aswell. Not used and treated like crap.
He has emotionally abusing you and now he has sexually assaulted you. He is not willing to change you need to pack up the kids if you have any and leave. It is only going to get worse
You either leave or stop complaining and accept it. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want therapy and he’s obviously not interested in changing so either suck it up or get out. I don’t think anyone wants to give up and get divorced but sometimes it’s the only way. Also you leaving may make him see the errors in his ways and decide he wants to change. No one can make that choice but you
Get a divorce you don’t have to put up with his shit you will be miserable
I’m so sorry that you have been going through all that, especially last night. I can’t imagine how you feel with everything that you shared. The biggest thing right now is getting you safe and cared for. I would definitely see a counselor just to work through some of the things you’ve shared and so that you can figure out what YOU truly want. And if you have children, especially girls, make sure to get them somewhere safe in case he escalates physically or sexually. Good luck
You need to leave. That was rpe. Giving in after saying no multiple times over an hour so that it stops is rpe. Leave.
Leave him!! I’m so sorry you are going through this!!
Leaving is not the answer, he’s your husband, find a couples therepist first, be serious with him, give him ultimatem that theres some serious problems here, before everyone tells you walk away.It wasnt rape you consented to keep peace, relationships are tough, hopefully it can work.
Girl, that man raped you. Don’t like the idea of divorce… Start to like it, babe. Set yourself free. And press charges on that piece of shit.
Ask him to leave or you leave it wont get better. Been thru all of that myself.
Leave him. No woman deserves that you dont OWE him sex. This prob wont change unless you guys do therapy/counciling.
Leave. Now. This was horrible to even read so how you are living like this… I don’t know.
You need to leave …mental abuse is sometimes worse than physical abuse…
I went through something very, very similar with my ex husband. I tried for years to get counseling and to “fix” our marriage. After five years I left the house with my daughter and never returned. He r*ped you, and I’m so sorry you went through that. My advice would be to leave before it gets physical, like my case.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. My ex husband did the same to me. What sucks is I remember it vividly even from 15 years ago. He now thinks we are friends and tries to out his arm around me and hug me; it makes my skin crawl. I always push him away and he just keeps doing it because they are narcissists. Control. They have you under their thumb. It’s a game to them. You need to leave.
Would you want your daughter to go through this stuff?
If you said no, then you need to lead by example, or she probably will.
Break the cycle.
Sexual coercion is sexual assault.
What you have to ask yourself is this: does his behavior show love, care, and respect for you.? If not you need to be done
If you don’t want to have sex, but your partner “insists”, it’s sexual assault. Simple as that. If you wouldn’t stand to see your kids treated that way, why do you put it through yourself. Your kids are watching you, and learning. You don’t sound happy and this guy sounds like a total prick to say the least. Leave. Plenty of fish in the sea that will treat you the way you should be treated.
Only you can choose to save yourself and your child from an abusive situation.
He is not entitled to your body! You deserve better.
This would be rape, if you don’t want it then him pushing it being coerced into it, is sexual assault. I’m sorry! It’s also domestic violence! You should leave if you can, I know it probably seems impossible and to hard, but hun, it will only get worse, I wish I left sooner then I did. I’m praying for you! Please get yourself and your kids away from this behavior!
I felt like I just read my past. Get out now and don’t look back. That’s abuse on so many levels.
I know divorce isn’t something you want to think about… but truthfully there is only one way this is going to go from here. I feel like this was a post straight from my past… eventually he won’t wait for you to give in to what he wants, the fighting will become physical, he’s no good and won’t change because he doesn’t want to. Refusal of therapy proves that. I hope you take most everyone’s advice on her and leave. Especially if there are kids involved. You are strong and you can do it
Been there and lived it for 22 years! I finally divorced. Don’t waste any more time, get out. I’m happier than I’ve been in years!
Just left this type of marriage leave get out it will get alot worse he doesn’t care about ur feelings he is a taker not a giver if he truly cared ur feelings would matter and he should be helping
You can do one of two things. You can accept that he’s useless and selfish and hire someone to do half of what you’re doing or you can divorce his useless ass and have a happy peaceful life.
You don’t like the idea of divorce?!? So you would rather be violated and abused then get a divorce? Stop worrying about what people will think of you for getting divorced and put yourself and children first.
You need to leave. Mental abuse is worse than physical sometimes. You have to leave. If he didn’t want therapy, or to even help you guys as a couple. Leave!!
It isn’t going to get better you also just showed him if he pushes enough he will get his way. I honestly would just divorce. I know it was isn’t what you want to hear but after that…it isn’t worth it. He doesn’t respect you nor your boundaries
You don’t even LIKE that guy - why are you living with him, much less having sex with him. Think about it - you don’t even LIKE him.
This isn’t how marriage is supposed to be. Seek therapy for yourself for clarity and then move forward accordingly. Don’t stay in a toxic situation it’s sets a bad example for your child.
Ugh. I’m sorry girl.
But any man who could put me on the spot for that, knowing I didn’t want to and be still did it anyway for himself.
I think any man in a committed relationship would want their partner in the same head space before sex even comes up.
Just my opinion
What type of help are you looking for exactly?
You don’t really like the idea of divorce and your husband isn’t willing to go to counseling. So the only
option left is to stay married and deal with his disrespect/abuse. FYI, most people that get divorced don’t like the idea of divorce but at a certain point it’s necessary. Good luck.
He’s not entitled to see just because you’re married! He’s not entitled to ANYTHING. Spousal rape is real and recognized. If he can’t respect your decision he needs to go. I suggest you get counseling if possible. Especially of he won’t. It might help you decide what to do.
But think of this… would you want your son to learn the things his father is doing?
I’ve learn not to relay on men I do it my self he just there for the money and sex
This is abuse. And I’ll probably have a lot of you come at me. But here goes… this is marital rape. Your emotions and boundaries didn’t matter. His sexual urge did. I have some helpful advice if you want to pm me. I also know some supportive groups u can join or follow on Facebook. My only advice would be to leave. He already has denied therapy. And ps. Therapy doesn’t change an abusive dynamic. It would just teach u how to cope with it. Which u shouldn’t have to. Hugs mama. If you need an ear please pm me
That’s sexual assault 
. That’s abuse.
Divorce may not be a pretty topic to consider, but now that he’s done this to you, he will never stop.
Nobody likes the idea of divorce. We don’t go into marriage thinking about the divorce later. Divorce isn’t fun for anyone, but sometimes it’s necessary. Eventually, he won’t wait for you to give in and give it to him, he’ll just take it….leave before his thought process transitions over to thinking that’s okay.
No means no, even in marriage. Coercion is not concent.
If you don’t want a divorce get legally separated. Either way he’s not the guy for you.
Get a damn back bone !!
It sounds like your husband sexually assaulted you last night and you want to know what to do. You said no and he refused to let you sleep until you felt you had no other choice. What would you tell your daughter, sister, or friends?? You mentioned you have a son. You and your husband are modeling to your son how a relationship should be. Is this the model you want him to see?
RESPECT and happiness matter more than if you have a new title of “divorced single mom.” He’s definitely emotionally abusing you—and now opening another level of abuse on you—sexual assault.
If you had a daughter that had a husband exactly like yours, what advice would you say to her if she was going thru this? What would you want her to do in this situation?
Also, since he won’t, please go to counseling by yourself to work thru all this.
Best of luck. 
Rape vibes. Girl you dont need him. Adjust your crown and tell him how it is. When he sits there just waiting tell him to go tf on! . I hear ya. My husband always wants it but doesnt help me with nothing. We have 3 kids which i have 24/7 pretty much. I get barely any sleep i clean the entire house by myself and they have the AUDACITY? . They act like theyre owed our bodies just bc were with them. No sir. Icant shower or even change clothes without mine being a giant weirdo creep about it. Go play with your own gummy worm were exhausted 🤦🏼♀:expressionless:
hell all they do is lie and nut quick any dang ways.
I would’ve walked out of the room said he can rub one out. Don’t give in just because he’s annoying you. And you may not like the idea of divorce but it sounds like your best option. You two aren’t communicating. So I suggest either divorce or counseling but seeing how he doesn’t wanna do counseling you have 1 option. LEAVE!
How the fuck was he ok with screwing you when you were very obviously not into it? That is rape. You said no and then eventually gave in to shut him up. That is rape. And he is not a good man. You need to leave. Now. This is only going to get worse. I am so so sorry this happened to you.
Baby girl. This is assault. Just because he’s your husband doesn’t mean shit. This feeling will likely never leave and now thats he’s “taken advantage of you” honestly how would you ever feel safe or sensual with him ever again. How could you allow someone to do this and it be justified? I’m not trying to give you a hard time dear. But know this is just a few clicks off from r@pe its not even funny. This is a big deal. So do NOT sweep this under the rug. Go yo counseling immediately. And tell him you’re going to moms/ friends/ someone’s house. Honestly I’d do it behind his back and leave a note. (Just so it doesn’t get violent and that he doesn’t come show up wherever you are). You need space. And you need to make him see the light. That this is never okay. He could do this worse to someone else after you.
If you don’t like the idea of divorce, then prepare to live your life just as you are. He’s already proved he is who he is and it’s not going to change. He isn’t interested in therapy, and he isn’t interested in what you want, just what he wants. As far as the sex last night, that’s gonna be your life. Now he knows that all he has to do is refuse to drop the sex issue until you give in, and he will get it. Since he has no desire to change, and has proved that, what sounds like time and time again, you can either leave him or you can stay and continue to deal with it all. I’m a strong believer that if you’re gonna do it on your own, you might as well be on your own. You’re paying for everything, raising your child and taking care of the house all on your own. So be by yourself. Get you a “friend” for when you’re feeling lonely and just do you and heal from the abuse
I don’t believe in divorce, but in some case such as yours it’s what you need to do. He’s not going to change it’s going to get worse, In my opinion he sexually assaulted you, do you want your son growing up thinking this is how you treat a woman? Please leave before things get worse and he physically hurts you
If he said I’m not LETTING you do something unless I get sex, that’s sexual assault. Even though you are in a marriage, there still has to be consent and respect, you aren’t his property to do with. It sounds like you were trying to talk to him and he ignored all of your problems to do what he wanted. Do not let anyone tell you that it wasn’t just because you are married, in a relationship, etc. Sex is supposed to feel good for both people, not just one of you. No is a complete answer.
Coercion is not consent. There are women’s shelters that help with leaving toxic relationships. You deserve better.
Why does she have to be the one that leaves? Get an attorney file a report, file for custody and a restraining order get your ducks in a row and end the relationship. You know what your gut is telling you… listen to it.
Run, fast. If your feelings mean that little to him you need to leave fast. You are not a sex toy, your a human with feelings.
You need to leave him. None of this is okay, he’s useless, treats you like shit, then forces himself on you. This is not okay nor how a marriage should be. No one should be subjected to this kind of behavior
When you let a woman do it all by herself, you remind a woman she can do it all BY HERSELF.
Leave him. You are nothing more than a sex toy to him to have sex with him when he pleases. It doesn’t sound like he loves or respects you and he might Even being narcissistic. Where there is no respect there is no love.
That is sexual assault. He is using coercion. Do not stay with him, do not let him do this anymore no matter how much he complains. I know divorce is hard but you need to think about yourself and your son. Please message me if you feel like you can. I have some specific advice.
This is rape. Husbands can rape wives. Just because he’s your significant other and you gave in doesn’t make you any less than. You were coerced to have sex when you didn’t want to.
Is there a reason you didn’t get up, get your kid, & leave ?
The idea of divorce isn’t pleasant but THAT is a reason to get the hell out. A man incapable of controlling his sexual urges isn’t an adult at all and needs severe help.
I don’t like saying things like you don’t deserve sex it’s like using it as a weapon one and two it’s not direct makes him think he still can and obviously he knows how to get it from you tell him how we you really feel about sex with him you repulse me because you are mentally abusive we will not be having sex intell we go to therapy or you can consistently show me an attitude change
Don’t walk, RUN! that is just where it starts… divorce is not as bad as rape. RUN
Omg I’d be so gone. He sounds like a toxic waste dump and for your son’s sake alone I’d gtfo, not to mention yours.
The fact that you are saying “he doesn’t deserve it” makes me feel you use sex as a reward for him and you look at it as a chore for you. If you don’t enjoy having sex with your husband, than I think it’s time for you to move on.
Him sitting there until you decided he deserved it to the point that you did it for him and now feel violated, it’s a form of sexual abuse. You do not owe him anything, especially sexually. If you do not want to have sex, than don’t. Just analyze about how little you want to have sex with him though, because it sounds like you’re not in love with him and that’s what’s preventing you from wanting to have sex with him. He literally turns you off.
Eww he sounds really annoying and honestly a disgusting excuse for a human. What happened wasn’t consent he just kept pushing for what he wanted…
you don’t have to believe in divorce but do you really want to stay in this toxic dump of a relationship ? I’m guessing you would be better without his ridiculous crap.
Wow what an asshole. Guys like that that think they are entitled to sex just because they want it are absolutely ridiculous. How childish is it that he would sit there and bother you and annoy you and not let you go to sleep until he got what he wanted. What a pig. I’d tell him that you’re not going to stop annoying him and you’ll keep him up all night until he starts helping with his child and around the house. Men like that are shameful. Thats the same type of guy that would tell his wife “if you don’t have sex with me I’ll get it somewhere else” and feel like he has a valid right to cheat just because he wants sex and his wife isn’t giving it to him. No women should ever have to feel forced into sex even with her husband. If you give in just so he will leave you alone or because you’re worried he will cheat thats not right at all. If he won’t go to counseling with you and by himself at least get yourself in to see someone and hopefully you’ll be able to work him into your sessions eventually. I think divorce should always be a least option. If you’ve tried everything and he still just will not give any effort then revisit separation. But wow he sounds terrible and he needs to see how awful his actions are.
Leave’not gonna be any better if you stay.’
Hun that’s still RAPE. you didn’t want it and he forced you into it. Leave him and get a restraining order.
It’s time to go your separate ways.
You feel violated because he’s violating you. He sounds like a fucking douchebag .
Where do you guys live, Guantanamo ? sleep deprivation and verbal assault to extract outcome are enhanced interrogation tactics not foreplay, and of course if successful you can expect more of it, whats next, waterboarding ?
I’ve had this conversation with my husband. His love language is touch. Mine is acts of service or quality time. If I don’t get those I don’t feel like sex if he doesn’t get sex he doesn’t feel like I love him.
That being said I have told my husband I think its gross/ feels gross that he wants sex when I am clearly not in the mood for it and I don’t understand why he would want that. But I do not give in he can have a hissy fit about it. I also call him out for his behavior if I’ve said no.
It’s still rape even if your married.
Alot of people say just leave which is easy to say from our point of view however life usually doesn’t work that easy and there is other considerations I’m sure. I’m not saying too ignore it in just saying it’s easier said then done. It’s definitely a red flag especially if you feel upset about it. Sex should be good for both parties or it shouldn’t be happening.
Sorry you have to hear this. That’s not a spouse. Where is the support and love? Why did you marry him? People don’t change after married. Even if he has a part the size of a horse and a check book with no limit, Ummm. What are you doing?
Don’t leave, chuck him out.
He sounds very selfish and not in love with himself . A child is born to parents not just moms.
He’s an abuser who does not care about your feelings. Whether you believe in divorce or not you are teaching a child what is acceptable treatment of a woman in a relationship. Do you want him treating women that way? Get out while you can look at yourself with respect. You deserve better.
You gave in to him. That doesn’t make it assault. You literally bent over for him